How to RESIST becoming EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED: get a poker face 

It is extremely important that men resist becoming emotionally attached to any given woman until she has been appropriately vetted for a relationship. If they allow their attraction to dictate their emotional involvement, then they might eventually have to choose between what is right and good for them, and what they have already decided to love. This is a painful choice that can be avoided with a little restraint and discernment. In this episode, I'll talk about how to do this. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-WrXBzQ2HDEQ.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ru-vid.com/show-UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship

"If you spend more and more time with the mental construct of a woman in the privacy of your own consciousness, you are basically training yourself to fall in love with the idea of who she is"- Dr. Orion T. I'm never leaving this quote behind.

If she's not around, don't think about her. Best piece of wisdom I have received in probably 5 years. I'm a mature man and still fall into this trap. It can really F up your day, or week if you start doing it.

"If you're looking up to her, she's looking down on you" well said 👍

This became VERY easy for me just recently, when I woke up to an epiphany that no one and nothing belongs to me, or owes me anything - that the only things I ‘own’ are things that are WITHIN my control, and everything outside of my control is temporary.

A wise grandfather said: "Love her but do not be in love with her". That applies for the entire length of the relationship. If she can't do any wrong, then you fell in love. Big mistake.

Life gave me this lesson the hard way. Dont put anyone on a pedestal, and know that life can change in any moment.

Very wise words.. "don't fall in love with the idea of the person but the person themselves"

I never had a Father, who would teach me all these things... so it's very important for me to hear this! Thanks, Doc!

'until you trust someone else with your money, don't trust them with your heart' WOW THAT REALLY PUTS IT INTO PERSPECTIVE. Your secrets truly are more precious than your money, so why this way isn't thought often.

Experienced divorce lawyer here. “Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk away from in 30 seconds flat….” - Neil McCauley (played by Robert De Niro) in the diner scene in the 1995 movie Heat. I see too many guys get tripped up by abandoning their purpose and passions when they think they met “the one”. Stay focused. Protect yourself to the greatest extent possible under the laws of your jurisdiction. Most women are controlled by their emotions. Emotions constantly change. Divorce and family laws do NOT favor ambitious, successful men. Even if you have done nothing wrong. Stay safe out there! Keep the family courts OUT of your life and finances.

I think that people that are emotional and start trauma bonding at the beginning probably have avoidant/anxious attachment styles. Its a bit like the shooting star analogy. The stars that burn the brightest, fizzle out the quickest. Ideally, both you and your date should be emotionally stable and have secure attachment styles.

“If you don’t trust someone with your money, don’t trust them with your heart. DAMN!!!!.

To resist becoming emotinally attached, you have to control three things - 1. Mentally Obsessing about someone 2. Communicating Constantly 3. Being to emotionally Vulnerable These three things how people fall love each other.

This relationship instruction is a something 95% of men know nothing about. I wish I knew this 30 years ago. Thank you for sharing this Orion🙏

I will be listening to this video for the next 10 years until it is ingrained in my memory.

Men commonly ask first, but she chooses from all the men that have asked her. You can't invest emotions until she chooses you back and falls for the man first. If she doesn't chose you, then it won't work.

This is my all-out favorite of your videos. Every young man needs to hear this as early as possible in life.

The video summed up my experience of dating. How foolish I have been to fall in love with the idea of a person, rather than the actual person. So painful especially when I have been love bombed! So very difficult then to get recover from failed relationships. So true when I have prematurely invested in a woman, the rational mind is overridden.

Once again you nailed it Orion. I just got out of another 6 month relationship where the "lovely lady" was much younger and love bombed me into falling in love with her just to really find out who she really was after I let her move in with me. The break up was messy to say the least lol. You really don't know someone until 6 to 9 months at least.

I waited for 1.5 years before emotionally attaching. We made it 11 years then she ditched me basically for being too attached. Which was exactly the opposite of why my previous relationship ended and something I though I was doing good work to improve. Moral: Recreational use only because anything beyond that will only improve your life 1% in exchange for the 70%+ probability she'll make up a reason to exit with more than 50% of your shit.

I definitely could’ve used this advice about 8 months ago but better late than never.

Approach and invite never pursue or chase. Once you have an early relationship going, sit back and let her come to you. Never talk about your ex's. Never talk about your fails and screw ups in life. Never talk about your weaknesses, insecurities, or fears. Not even if you've been together for many years. Vet, vet, and vet some more. Pay attention to her actions not her words. See if she is entering your frame. See if she earns her way into your life. Just because she's attractive and the sex is good doesn't make her a good LTR. Your also looking for those other qualities which are more important. Fit, feminine, friendly, cooperative, submissive, loyal, easy to get along with, genuine desire, shared values and goals, etc.

I think this is one of the worst problems in modern dating. Guys will borderline worship women purely for their looks and get overly invested way too soon. This also blows women's perceptions of their own attractiveness out of proportion so you get 6s thinking they're 8's. So they end up thinking they're too good for their equals, which breeds more scarcity for men, which makes men overvalue womwn for their looks even more. It's a cycle that has ruined modern dating. Guys have to try to remember what type of person she is if you take away her looks.

One of your best topics yet! I just recently made this mistake and now I'm paying for it. Luckily, I'm moving on fairly well (I'm ruled more by my head than my heart). But, you're right... it sucks. 6 months is a really good rule of thumb.

I wish I had the courage to experience more in my teens to learn these tough lessons. Navigating this space in my 30s has not been easy. Good luck fellas

A girl told me she loved me after 3 months together, and it immediately went to my head. I wasnt ready to say I loved her back yet, but once I decided I probably did love her, I lost my shit. Guess what, a month later she left.

The first three minutes felt like an arrow straight to my heart.

The philosophy of Stoicism assumes that humans feel emotions, such as fear or anger. However, the philosophy preaches not to turn off those emotions, but only not to let those emotions take control. So to suggest that one should not indulge in a relationship for the first six months simply because it might hurt is a sign of weakness and fear of a man who cannot regulate and control his own emotions. You are also overlooking the very important fact that any advice of this type is like a double-edged sword - just as someone can suffer when they choose the wrong woman and become emotionally attached too quickly, it is also possible to overdo it in the other direction - learning to function in a relationship with a person to whom we feel no great emotion. What if, in such a situation, a man rejects a woman not because she was a bad partner, but because he never ultimately loved her, because from the beginning he learned to block out all emotions out of fear of falling into the "adorer" frame? In such an emotionless relationship, it is also easier to become a tyrant. This is because it is easier to hurt someone to whom we are not emotionally attached. This approach leaves the door open to taking such actions as infidelity, disrespect or contempt. You also suggest that six months is a good time "because it usually takes at least that long to reach a crisis of disillusionment, where the projected fantasy you were attracted to is destroyed by reality." I understand that we have such a thing as a "period of fascination," where certain flaws in our partners are unnoticeable to us or we are able to ignore them. But if it takes you six months to know if the other person is someone you can trust, then the problem here lies at the very foundation. We are able to assess VERY quickly whether a woman is at least a decent person. All you have to do is ask the right questions and listen. What kind of relationship does she have with her father? How does she treat people who are lower down the hierarchy than her? What were her previous relationships like? How many were there and how did they end? How many sexual partners has she had? Can she admit her guilt and apologize? Do her words match her actions? Is she lying? How does she communicate her needs and address problems? Does she justify and rationalize her negative behavior? Does she believe in god? And so on and so forth. The practical advice you give from the middle of the video is absolutely correct, but none of them encourage lack of any emotional attachment for six months. Therefore episode should not encourage blocking your possitive emotions towards woman, but a prudent dosage of those emotions. Less than her, so you do not fall into the frame of adorer or start acting different because of those emotion, while during this whole process you should skillfully and constantly "scan" her, checking whether she is someone worth trusting.

I learn long ago that I can't trust any woman. There are things that I will allow The woman in my life to know about and things that she'll never know. Now I realize love is in the same category. I can allow parts of my love but not give up all regardless of the time of the relationship. Thanks Orion for helping me compartmentalize, it's been unhealthy for me all my life.

I've been recently writing down my thoughts about this particular woman I'm interested in. We've had several interactions with each other, and we get along very well, but I've only recently (in the last month and a half or so) been ready emotionally to ask her out the next time I see her. I don't mind playing the long game; I'd rather be patient than launch myself into something I don't want or something that'll hurt me emotionally. Gentlemen, take care of yourselves and practice self-restraint.

Fantastic video. I have done this with every woman I have ever been with. (Probably an anxious/attachment style I have that I saw on a post here) My last one was very painful because it burned bright in the beginning and then fizzled out like a dying star and I still have strong feelings for this woman. Thank you for this video Dr. Taraban, this content is really helping me. I will contribute financially as soon as I can.

This is great advice bc I didn't think NEVER being emotionally invested in a woman was right (like some dating coaches say) but I also have been burned by emotionally investing too soon. 6 months will be my new minimum.

I've come to realize that I've been emotionally invested too soon in my current relationship for it to keep going in a healthy way. Great advice, it was needed.

We could save boys a lot of trouble by telling them that getting into a relationship is at least a hundred times more complicated than they expect. At this point, studying all the necessary female insanity and spending years building your ship just to get into a relationship is TWO full-time jobs. Relationships were the ultimate bait and switch Speaking for me, I'm not interested in any relationship in which I have to perpetually suppress authenticity. That drains far more energy than it could ever give. We want relationships not just because of who the other person is, but who that other person makes us in relation to them. Who the relationship makes us. And I just can't find anything appealing about being the kind of man that women want to date. It seems a man is only supposed to be about 1% happier in a relationship than he would be single. Women insist on taking the entire pie

watching this but im a girl who doesn’t wanna be emotionally attached 🎀

THIS out of all his videos that I have watch is some of the best. This is almost some of the best father to son advice.

Staying unemotional is also a good way to buy a car.

Thank you so much for this video, I met this girl couple weeks ago and we’ve been texting since then. Yesterday I caught myself thinking about her way too much and didn’t really know what to do. I m glad you posted this, thank you

Orion, you are the most informative and level headed person in the men’s improvement space. Every single video is absolutely riddled with wisdom. Thank you, sir.

Learned this the hard way this year. Thanks for putting the experience into words!

This is pure gold for the younger man, to have this information say in your early twenties would save a great deal of emotional pain and more. As the old saying goes...if I knew then what I know now how differently things would have turned out. Great video 👌

I don't always agree with Dr. O about certain topics but this one is ON POINT!

There are a lot of folks on YT giving advice - this gentleman stands out. Really substantive.

I needed to hear this today. You’re a godsend Orion

Not only do we need to be taught how not to get mistreated, but even more importantly how not to mistreat others, because that's where the problem originates.

I was with my wife for over 38 year before she passed away from cancer. You've got to get emotionally attached because that is what a committed relationship is all about. What's the point otherwise? A relationship without emotional attachment is not a relationship, it's friends with benefits.

For me, the 3rd point is the most important: if you don't trust sb with your money don't trust them with your heart. People can lead you on easily because we don't learn to respect our heart or our ability to love as much as we learn to respect our bank accounts/jobs/careers. It's a strength that should not be allowed to be turned into a weakness by a con artist.

You hit that nail on the head doc. I could have used this video two years ago, but I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Again.

Another awesome talk!

As a woman trying to figure it all out as well, your videos are so well put together and also help us ladies in many ways, towards ourselves and men.

I cannot tell how valuable this information is. I really needed to hear this long time ago. Thank you so much!

Well, this is just about the best video you've done out of many great ones.

If this isn’t what I’m going through to a tee. I can’t believe this content is free, thank you for the insight

Perfect advice Orion. Just what I needed at this moment. 🙏🏻

I love you man. The timing of this video was a blessing.

Dam, thanks Doc, i just recovered from a toxic relationship due to not following this exact advice, keep the channel up, i will keep coming back, happy new year!!

Love this about emotional attachment. I find this applies to me as well being a woman, and it allows me to understand both sides, and of understanding the polarity and needs that are different for both men and women.

If I had seen this video about 16 months ago I would have made some very different choices. You're fantastic and this is perfect advice. Thank you.

Spoken so well! This should be a must watch/listen to for anybody that’s considering a relationship.

I really like the titles you're using! They fit what you're talking about and give an air of poetry to the content.

This is outstanding advice. This channel has changed my life for the better. Thank you so much Dr. Taraban. 🙏

Yeah, I agree. Those are the three steps that lead to emotional attachment. He’s right fellas.

Of all the very good paychecks clips this is an even better one. Great advice, thank you.

I think that's brilliant. I have always been governed by my head. When I started to have abundance, I started to experiment with emotions, but I have now experienced too much pain. And it was hard to connect the dots of it all. This video is right on point.

Awesome advice it's time most men understand true nature of women.

I recently found your channel and thank you! I'm having a very difficult time, right after a breakup and this is exactly, what I needed to hear to better understand my situation. I really appreciate your advices Orion!

These videos just keep getting better.

Wish I had heard this advice a year ago, but very glad I've heard it now. Thank you for sharing good Doctor! Watched a dozen+ vids from you the last few days & likely going to be binging your other vids for the foreseeable future

I always learn something from you. Thank you!

This video describes exactly what happened to me with my ex this year and this is totally true

I cannot express how important this video is!!!

This is one of the best videos of yours especially the last scenarios. Thanks man

I make a point of setting my expectations for women very low. And looking over the phenomenon that is "hoeflation," that's turning out to be a very reliable approach. Having set low expectations, I treat them as the children that 99% of them are. And I try to be a good parent for only as long as it takes me to say to somebody else, "This isn't my kid... Do you want her back?" When I meet somebody from the other 1%, the rules of the game change rapidly. But rarely, if ever, do I meet one of the other 1%-er's in post-feminist America. Usually I'm on the road in some other country when it happens. (See "hoeflation" above...)

Choosing between your head and your mind is a hard thing. I have been there. But it is hard to resist sometimes.

I like how all your videos really come down to: humility and honesty. This message goes for women and men! My dad did this mistake and married a narcissist.. smh Wow! „Being robbed is easier to recover from than a toxic relationship“ never heard truer words!

I fully agree with you...for both sides. Love your channel and never get tired of watching this. So much wisdom and common sense in your advice. Thank you.

I was like this 10 years ago and the problem is, once you genuinely hold back, it becomes very difficult to turn on the switch to feel anything and end up miserable. The other way is opening up and getting burned in the process. I’ve experienced both and it’s miserable either way. Moral of the story: You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.

Mind first before your heart..Stay cool and allow her to be emotionally involved. NOTED!

Thanks! This is your all-time best video. Just what I was thinking about.

Perfect timing my dude. Love this. I have made this mistake in the past, and was hoping to get some confirmation again. Then you made this video.

Love your work. I'm 40 now and I really wish someone would of told me all this when i was 18 would of made things so much easier, i had to learnt it the hard way. lol

My best video of all time in RU-vid, I saved this video and am listening to it again and again.

Thanks for always being so honest and direct with your language and message!

*how will anyone have a successful longterm relationship if nobody is emotionally attached? It seems like preparing for divorce from the very beginning instead of preparing for marriage. I hate modern society*

this is very good advice, i wish i knew these things earlier, unfortunately had to learn the hard way. Protect yourselves and your future, gentlemen.

Great advice that you could give to your younger self and your sons. I’m glad I’ve been cautious in this area for most of my life. This advice can be applied to friends as well. I see 1.5 millions subs by the end of 2024. Thanks for what you do!

1. Mentally obsessed - stop overthinking about her. 2. Overly communicating - don’t be texting/calling too much. 3. Emotionally vulnerable - Shield your heart don’t revile everything too fast. I think that in order for us to remain with an unbreakable frame the rules above should be always on check, good luck for us and much thanks for your wisdom again Dr Orion.

If only I knew about this channel this time last year.

Very timely as I've been seeing someone for about 4 months now and I realise I need to keep a check on where I'm at with revealing feelings, cheers.

The timing of this couldn't be better! Thank you

I dated a nurse for nearly 4 years and around the 3 year and 3 month mark, I told her I loved her. Thought I'd waited out that 6 month period by quite a bit, but she broke up with me because of this. I asked if my saying I loved her really ruined the relationship and she replied "it certainly didn't help"

Emotional attachment is always risky business!!! We usually risk it any way 😆

Thank you for this video. You shared some really valuable insights here. You are doing an excellent job of improving the lives of your viewers which is something that I truly respect. Keep up the good work and I will tip you in the future once my financial situation allows me to because I think that you have provided some (literally) life saving advice here.

Big step up For us. Really, thank you. Wish I could have found this out in my youth. Y'all do the tips, he deserves a living for sharing this knowledge. Hard truth.

You give very sound advice. I'm glad I found your channel. My previous girlfriend is a Psychologist and gave me fits about getting relationship advice from the Internet, but now she can't say JACK! LOL. THANK YOU

I learned the hard way. Despite my brain telling me she was never the right one, heart still wanted her.

Pure gold! Thank you, Dr. Taraban.

Took me a long time to learn this lesson. I would meet women who demanded instant commitment after the first date/fling and jump right in because "this time it's love". Thanks for your work!

“If you’re not ready to trust her with your bank account information, then you’re not ready to trust her with your vulnerability.” I’ll buy that for a dollar 😂👍