1. the attention they give us 🗣️ 2. the freedom they allow us 🚩 3. their praise and approval 👏 4. their consistency and dependability 🖖 5. their attitude towards emotions 😭 6. adverse childhood experiences 🙆♀️
@@Psych2go question.....how can I get my depressed emotions back and how do I commit suicide😁🔫 in a way that wont break the law such as a gun to my head or finding a building to jump off of
@@plunger_09-y8j please don't do this to yourself. You are worth living. You deserve to live and be loved by yourself and others. Things won't get better. But you can get better. Don't lose hope❤
@@carlissiawilkins4432 .....life is really nothing to me I hate this world I hate bottling my emotions up all the time I hate how I c other lives are so much better than mine.....suicide is my only happiness but still tysm for looking at my comment and telling me that I shouldn't but it's not enough....I'm sorry 💖stay safe! I wouldn't like it if a kind soul like u who reached out to me to get the virus:)
My girlfriend is a pleaser. She has trouble saying no, she always wants to take the hardest and most classes to the point of even getting sick over stress, and she is always in competition with herself to be as perfect as possible. It’s really hard to see her like this because she’s so much more than grades and extracurriculars, but she has trouble seeing that.
I am the pleaser too and I started to notice that some time ago. I think the best thing a partner can do to a pleaser is to remind them that you love them unconditionally so they won't have to prove their worth because they know they're accepted
As for the pleasers themselves, the best thing they can do for themselves and others is to develop unconditional self-love. Only when you're able to love yourself without any grades and marks, you'll be able to not feel guilty about yourself all the time P.s. That's why the unconditional love from the partners is important. My SO showed me that they can love me no matter what is going on with me and it helped me to learn how to show the same kind of love to myself
I’m exactly like that and would say that sometimes the best way to help your girlfriend is by being there and showing you care, especially on her bad days.
I’m a lazy pleaser. I want to please and am ambitious, just without the action. I let people down, and I fail at achieving the goals I’d like to set in stone for myself. But I do constantly put people’s needs before mine and I treat others better than I treat myself, yada yada.
@@treznopresto4878 then I'll just say a simple welcom for your simple thank you. The world isnt that simple anymore to find such a simple man spreading such a simple kind words. Just curious, is there any specific reason behind that name?
Yea. Sometimes our childhood doesn't have to seep into our adulthood if we decide to do something about it to change the way we act towards others we really care about in a more healthy and loving way.
I live in a Authoritarian house hold so my dad acts like he is the “Boss” of everything I do. I’m 12 turning 13 and I haven’t done much of anything in life so far, I know I’m still very young and have time for those things in the future, but without them my life is just school and sleep. My dad is very smart and works as a programmer, ofc that means he was good in school, I guess that meant I had to be good in school too, which isn’t a bad thing! But he wanted to make sure I had all A’s all the time. Whenever I need help with my homework or need an extra sheet of paper to write on I always get so scared because my dad is very strict with me and used to yell at me a lot as a child. And example of this is when I was in 2nd grade i was really bad at math and needed help all the time. I would be standing at his side and he would go over each question with me. Whenever I would get the same question wrong a number of times you would think that I just need a little more help on the topic, but my dad took it as a sign that I was guessing. Like he thought I wasn’t good enough and I was too stupid to be able to learn this type of stuff. He would also yell at me if I got an answer wrong, super loudly. Even one of my earliest memories was being yelled at by my dad because I couldn’t remember how to spell the word “My”. I was scared out of my mind so I kept getting the word wrong which meant he just kept getting angrier. I always have all A’s and B’s never a C. I would get grounded if I got a C. Whenever I would cry as a child after he yelled at me he would always tell me to “Suck it up” and to “Stop crying or I’m erasing all your work and we will sit here till midnight doing it all over again” keep in mind he is telling this to a 2nd grader. It also felt like he was very dismissive of my feelings, so now days I won’t let myself cry, I can’t help it. I hate touchy feely stuff and people who show their emotions very openly. You could say sharing emotion is a good thing, not to me. Whenever I let myself cry for even a second it feels like 10 needles going through my heart, and that everyone is staring at me, Or can hear me. Whenever i would bring back papers from school (assuming that it had a good grade) I would show my dad and he would say something like “cool” or “good job” like he didn’t care that I got the good grade in the first place. My dad works from 7am-5pm so he never really has time for me, he would cook dinner then go into his room and play video games instead of eating with me. This made me very distant from my father, also whenever he does want to do those types of things with me i’m very hesitant and I’m not sure why. This is what I wanted, to spend time with him! Sorry this is lazily slapped together I just want someone to relate to. This probably won’t get get any likes or views but I tried my best. I’m sorry.
not parents related but my older brother( he’s 16 yrs older) was also like that to me when I was in 2nd-4th grade. I’m not very good at math and whenever I ask him for help on my math assignment, he would always yell at me if I didn’t get the answer right. To the point that I didn’t ask for his help anymore for the sake of my mental health. I grew up being distant to him until now.
Im so sorry you had to go through all of this, I have a toxic mother and a dad that has never been there for me (I won't get into it) myself so its really hard seeing someone having to grow up in such a toxic environment. I'm struggling to find the words to say but I want you to know that it might be so extremely hard right now and you may feel alone, like you can't talk to anyone or you may be scared or upset about everything that's been going on (which is okay to feel that way your father just doesn't understand that because he probably grew up in a bad environment himself and hasn't broken the cycle) but you have to keep going and you're not alone, I'm not sure if you have any people you can trust or any friends/relatives but if you don't there will be people who love and support you in both good and bad times, trust me, I always thought that im always gonna be alone but now I have my best friend who always tries her best to understand me and I'm starting to find more people that actually care. It's not going to be easy and there will be days where you just wanna give up but you can do this, and you can break the cycle or become a better person to others Then your father did, someday you will move out and be able to start a new life without him hurting you every single day. I believe you can do this, you're stronger then you think. Anyway if you ever need to talk to someone my insta is @BTSHO3157
ethereal minhyuk I’m not very good at math either, and I’m sorry that you got treated that way by your brother. It’s not my place to say but people like my dad and your brother need to think about others more often and consider their mental health. Being yelled at like that at such a young age can’t be good for someone’s mental health. I hope you and your brother can make up and you can have a good healthy relationship with him from now on. Also thank you for replying, it actually means a lot, I guess it shows that at least some people care enough to reply. 💖💖
BTS HO3 Thank you so much! I’m sorry that you had to grow up to a toxic mother, and if you really want to we can talk about it! It’s people like you who help me keep my head up and help me realize that I do have a worth and meaning. I do hope you and your best friend will continue being friends and you guys will support each other from now till the day you both pass. And yes, I have a twin brother, and he gets treated the exact same way, my brother is good in math an school though so it is rare for him to mess up. I think my mother instincts kicked in too early so I protect him from my dad most of the time (at least I try to).
@@bandagedwaste thank you so much! and it's so sweet for you to try your best to protect your brother. But no it's okay, I don't really like talking about my family because it gives me back bad memories and makes me feel guilty for talking bad about them even if they did a lot of wrong to me, and yeah I hope I'll stay friends with her too. Losing someone is a really bad breaking point for me since I've been rejected, left alone and used many times in my life
When it’s not your parents who affect you but yourself: -I must get good grades or I’m a failure -Crying makes you weak -Your bad days define you -it’s alright to hermit in your room Although I haven’t been in a relationship yet to be sure, I’ll probably be the pleaser because of the way I treat myself
Lívia Lima Honestly, my parents tell me that it’s fine. My mom tried to help me realize that I could get a B in the science class I hated and didn’t learn much in last year even if I don’t think I could.
K R I'm somewhat similar, I've experienced...a lot...but I realized that I like to distract myself constantly just so I can avoid overthinking (especially about everything going on)
I relate most to the avoider, but my relationships are deep, loving, and secure. I still tend to take things too seriously, but I still can laugh at things and be silly. My partner has taught me many things, especially how to be vulnerable without feeling shameful and weak 💖
My mom always said "get over it" when I was sad. She called me weak and sensitive. So I stopped talking about my feelings and emotions by age 15 and kept everything to myself.
The way we have been conditioned influences all our beliefs, decisions and even the tiniest of thoughts. It's important to be aware of them in order to work for better
Conclusion for those who want go straight to the point: 1. The attention they give to us 2. The freedom they allow us 3. Their praise & approval 4. Their consistency & dependability 5. Their attitude towards emotions 6. Adverse childhood experiences Btw im relating to 1, 2, and 5
When we’re young, we don’t know how to say “my parents are suffering from a mental illness and it’s affecting me”. I don’t want to be an avoider/victim anymore. I’ve chosen to look towards others that I don’t know (people I idolize) for guidance instead due to a lack of respect and discipline from childhood. Maybe you can do the same? And forgive your parents for the lack of knowledge they had/have.
Yea, just waiting until I’m older so I can forgive them. Bc right now there not listening to the trauma they’ve caused me and my siblings through. I’ve actually told them what they caused and told me they PrOMisEd would do better. lol that promised ended quickly. Ight I’m just rambling now. I’m too lazy to delete this so ignore it Bye
Elmo-is-the-best I understand your frustration. At the end of the day, they must have suffered something similar to you and as they grew they didn’t develop a high level of self awareness and so they treated you how they were treated. Realize that and then you’ll be able to forgive them. Forgiveness doesn’t have to be a one and one talk, it comes from the closure you give yourself and moving on. And then maybe they’ll be able to talk when they’re ready :)
So um....I have faced almost all of them in different phases of my childhood life. N now idk with which phase I relate to most cuz I have gone through all of em. ;-;
My mom is way opposite. She wants me to date. She lets me go on dates while I was still in high school. Maybe cuz I was a miss goody two shoes this whole time and she wants me to go out of the box.
I was fine until it got to number 6 and that's when I started to cry. 3,4, and 6 my childhood/teen years in a nutshell. But with therapy and being in more positive environment I'm working on overcoming a lot of childhood trauma.
My parents dont really give me that much attention when i was younger, cause i wasnt the brightest child. But they did give me freedom. Anyways. I grew up in a chaotic enviroment. Where my parents always fight and all. So i seek refuge at school. Until i got bullied for no reason at all. I told my parents about it. But they neglected me saying theyre busy etc, at one point they abused me for bugging them about it too much. So i gave up reaching out to other people. I cried because of how bad the situation at home and at school was. And yeah, my parents saw. And my mom called me weak for it.. so... i dont know? Im confused. Im currently 18. And some of the stuff i faced did kinda traumatized me. Im trying to fix this certain emotions of mine. That is soo hard to control. Its my tears.. i cry uncontrollably just by a certain amount of pressure despite not actually needing to cry (cause i know so well that i can handle it). I see this trauma as a flaw that i need to fix. Lately i did manage to hold the erratic urge to cry under lil pressure. Idk how to explain. Its just subconciously stuck in me. 😂. Sorry i just needed to get it out my chest HAHA
It's ok to let it out my dude. I also have similar feelings; the bullying, the parent calling you weak or punishing you for crying. I also sometimes write comments explaining what I've been though just to let my thoughts out Instead of bottling it up and making it worse. Just know you are not the only one feeling stuff like this, but that others will be willing to listen and help you. Hope you read this and feel a little better!
i hope you're doing okay and get the help, love and care you need! crying has never been a sign of weakness - it's a sign of us being alive and honest. it's understandable to not cry at public place - we dont want to make others uncomfortable. or to cry over the little things due to the pressure - because we realize they matter, we cant afford to mess up! they may have gone through various things that taught them to shut their emotions out, and it's now affecting you. im really sorry to hear your story, but i also want to tell you that im proud of you for making this far. sending you lots of love
I know exactly how you feel about the uncontrollable crying, I still struggle with the same thing and I thought I was weird for ot because no on else i heard of has ever struggled with it. Thank you for sharing your story. Maybe moving away is an option for you? Im in a similar situation with both school and home not being a safe place but we'll get through this together! Stay strong and remember everyone was put on earth for a reason.
man I relate to the second last one, whenever I used to cry after my papa died, she used to beat me for crying claiming that if I didn't stop she'd give me something to cry about. she was so selfish acting like she was the victim. I feel like it was my fault or that I deserved it but at the same time she should have used other methods instead of inflicting pain. I tried to talk to her about it but she used the excuse that, that was just how she was raised. I've only dated a couple times because I don't feel like I can trust anybody or that they'll love me.
Why did she do that? No way it could be acceptable in this situation. It is normal and healthy to feel pain and cry about that because it helps to relieve stress and move on
@@NameNik223 honestly I've been told the same. If everyone is a reflection of their parents then the same could said for them with their parents. I've heard the stories of how my parents grew up so I understand why they ended up being cold and distant or borderline abusive... Not saying it was right, but at least I know that it's a cycle that has to end
Everything, I can relate to everything. Especially a mix of the headstrong trait from the controller and the "wanting for bad shit to happen" from the victim. So it leads me to be a "don't help cause a) I don't need it and b) I don't want to be let down if I start relying a bit on you"
To see the leafy guy crying is sad enough ...to see the baby leafy boy crying or sad is heart wrecking Isn't it? Perhaps we have really attached ourselves to the leafy guy...I am so relatable to this
@@Psych2go at present m preparing for my entrance examination in Sept ...so yeah m really stressed other than that everyone in my family and I are ok😊 Thank you for asking
I grew up in a very abusive family. and im the accident child as compared to my sister who is a planned child. so they play favouritism so much that even my neighbours and extended relatives can tell. 1:15 my parents are always busy. as far as i can rmb, whenever i approach them for something they would always brush me away telling me they are busy. 1:56 freedom? what is freedom? not allowed to even go to my friend's house for a school project. my teacher had to write a letter to my parents telling them to let me stay in school after lessons to complete school projects. i remember my classmates looking at me like i am a weirdo. i have to go to a certain bus stop to take buses home and if i reach home 5 mins later, my mother would question why am I late. i rmb being so nervous on bus whenever there is a traffic jam. 2:32 overly critical parents. when i get 95/100 for an exam in primary school, my parents would tell me "oh, where did the 5 marks go?" When I get top in class my parents would ask why i am not the top in my cohort. i rmb always trying to please them. even until today whenever im trying to get their attention i would tell them my GPA is 4.5, im better than my sister. i excel in my interests and hobbies which they dont approve of and when i get awards for that, to make their point they dont even turn up for the ceremonies. im the only one whose family members dont turn up while everyone is going on and on about how proud their parents are of them. sorry, can't relate. 3:32 i seldom hear them say they love me. in fact i dont even remember when was the last time i hear them say they love me. whenever my father is angry he would hit whatever is in his way. i remember get whips from my fathers belt because I laugh at my sister's joke when he was in a bad mood over something completely unrelated. my arm was bleeding from the lashes and i went to school with them. 4:31 crying in my household is not allowed. its a sign of weakness. i remember last year when i met a really toxic boss and nothing was going well i cried in my own room, my father heard and he stood outside my room and told me "everyone meets bad bosses and you are crying over this small matter. young people these days are so weak." 5:04 getting beaten up and strangled until i almost died? yeah enough said. here in my country we are land scarce and not allowed to buy our own home until we are 35 y.o or when we get married. rental prices are exorbitant so moving out is not really an option for me. i fell in love with a guy who cared for me, and i thought i finally found someone who truly love me. i loved him with all my heart and in the end i found out he cheated on me. so what kind of lover am i? i dont know because I dont really love anymore. if people are going to be shit anyways, i might as well look for someone who is rich and handsome. at least he can buy me some happiness and i can have a good looking dildo.
Something that makes me feel better is writing my experiences as stories on paper or on a Google doc I'm sharing them with a buddy and they are really into the story which makes me happy Sometimes bad things are just the door to a better life You just gotta find the right key
My step dad would always get mad at me if I got a grade lower than B, I would get loads of bad grades after that and I was always scared to say something. I'm not saying my step dad is a bad person, he was just a lousy parent...
I feel like I’m an avoider but not from my parents, but from medical trauma, which emotionally weakened me to a point where I didn’t want to feel anymore. There was so much physical and emotional pain where I wanted to feel numb. But now I’m working on being more loving towards me and my family
I am the facilitator. I didn't have a traumatic childhood though sometime i felt bad as it seemed they took care of my sister more. Also my mom was strict to me.
Just to add, before we complain about what our parents could not give us, let us first be sure that we did not already get ALL they had. Complaining is a waste of time & energy. And we should not waste our time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy 🖖
Its really sad how whatever your parents do will affect you later on in life. Small things can lead to trauma without your parents or you even realizing. I’m a victim style (or was) and I struggle a lot with self love and others love, and I realized this and decided that, no matter how afraid I was, I was gonna let myself be loved. I have to remind myself to love and let myself be loved, but so far Ive been doing alright!
I’m lucky enough to have amazing parents that helped me though so much the only time the beat me was once in my whole life they are very caring towards me and I have a happy childhood:3 for those who don’t I’m always here to listen :)
Well after looking at this I can definitely see that I have a combination of some of these love styles ,some more than others. What do you do if you have a combination of these love styles and you meet somebody else who also has a combination of these love styles? It makes relationships very difficult and challenging when you’re trying to navigate all of your behaviors that cause dysfunctions in the relationships. I wish you guys could make a video that addresses multiple behavioral styles in one person. We’re not just one thing were many different things.
Just now I realized that my childhood was not that great and I relate to most of the points. I always thought that I'm the reason for all the troubles I'm going through but now I feel a bit relieved knowing I'm not the only reason.
#Psych2Go is doing a great job by posting different topics on psychological everyday...😉😘 Short summary of this video.... 1. The Attention they give us.. 0:58 2. The freedom they allow us.. 1:47 3. Their Praise and Approval.. 2:29 4. Their Consistency and Dependability.. 3:16 5. Their Attitude toward emotions.. 4:17 6. Adverse Childhood experience.. 5:00 .................................
What's the lovestyle for "The Freedom They Allow Us"? The Compliant would deem fitting based off the description but it would be good to get an official name for it.
I'm afraid my partner would only leave me if ever get into a relationship because I'm not like the others. I don't know how to love. Because my parents never taught me that. They never gave me love so I can't give love to others. I feel so empty inside. I feel like I don't have anything to give to my partner. And one thing, I don't wanna get married too because I don't want my child to end up like me. Because I knew I'm just like my mother who can't give love to her children. I know we're just the same. I know I will never be a good mother too. So I choose to be alone forever. I'll just enjoy my own company forever. And I know there's nothing wrong with that.
... I.. I'm all but number 4. It happened until I was maybe 11 y.o. Now I'm in the middle 20s, a graduate, but been doing nothing except stay in my place for almost 2 years. Even I cut my contact with all of my friends. In college I was very active and quite famous. Presidential election, some academic contests, create start ups, charities, even my projects received support from my city government, quite lot of achievement. One day I suddenly feel like nothing I did matter. Is it what people said about mental breakdown? To make it worse I finish my college late and one of my family members, whom the one giving best support to me, passed away days after I finish my final task but weeks just before my graduation ceremony. And now here I am. A loser with no will to live but too afraid to end it all. And I swear I'll do anything to make my parents happy, but deep in my heart there's sudden feel of discomfort whenever I interact with them. I once giving hints of my "issues" to them but it seems my parents didn't believe in psychological illness. I don't blame my parents for being who they are, but should I really ask for medical help? Well since last month, I currently learning some foreign languages by myself. Starting to work out and eat healthy. Read some random e books about science. I hope it helps. I want to be better soon. I missed my friends so much. I missed being with someone again. I missed living. I swear I do. Thank you Internet strangers, sorry for blabbering, I just want to write it down somewhere. Perhaps no one will even read it. I don't expect anything :) May you all have good day, forever and ever guys! P. S. Pardon my english, I'm not a native speaker Also my name is obviously not real, so please don't assume anything (:
I got stuck with the Avoider, and it's very true. I was crying earlier and I was told to stop crying and tell that to myself, that I'm weak and I shouldn't cry.
Some narcissistic moms don't allow their sons to be close to their wives. Their sons being their victims, they always want to abide to their mom sayings and demands, even if it is something utterly nonsensical!
Yeah that's common isn't it. Over attachment with his mother the issue. Causing a lot of tension between the wife and mother in law. But sometimes there's another side too where the girl is trying to lure her husband away from his family. Succeeds when his relationship with parents is not strong.
@@bharath_kumar1868 yes the case is reverse too. Some daughter-in-laws too are quite cunning to the extent of ruining up families. But you see more than the man's attachment to his mom, sometimes its just that he's too dreaded by his mom's emotional blackmailing and threatening. And the uncommon thing is the man ultimately begging wife for divorce because of his mom's constant unrealistic and nonsensical threats and demands. And the worse part is that the husband, whom the wife trusts blindly and gives him his own space to think and live liberally, changes completely along with his mom and other family members.
@@anjalimane4711 That is horrible. Already having to leave their home and live with her in laws must be inconvenient enough. These things on top of that will definitely prove to be traumatic. Wish no girl has to go through something like this. If you know someone like this I wish them strength and happiness. Hope there is change of mind and that this situation will go away.
I think I lean more towards the controller because I take things in life rather seriously. My mother and other members of my family to relax and chill out when I get angry, but most of the time it can be difficult for me to do so. That's why I am headstrong and sees a tease as a insult or a threat.
Oh man I'm a combo of the last 3 love styles. These videos are very helpful but I'm not a 100% sure to what to do with the new information that I learn about myself from watching them.
You forgot to mention type 2 from all of 6 types. Great video, I like very much the way you present the information in this video, way more relaxing and easier to understand.
Only Jesus can truly satisfy, everything else are just wells that run dry; in Him we have purpose, in Him we find love and comfort and such a great Father, Friend, Savior. He died to save us all, believe in Him today, He is the Way the Truth and the Life and no one comes to the Father but by Him. For all have fallen Short of the glory of God, there is none that does good, No not one.With the heart one believes unto righteousness and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him shall not perish but have everlasting life 🙏🏻🧡🧡
Number five hits hard I remember one time when I was 3 and I had a fever my father gave me Cheerios I come back wanting more Cheerios while my dad was watching tv he pushed me to the floor saying “let me watch my show!” I will never forgot that one moment of my life.
I think the victim 'was' the most related to me. But now I can say that there are just some things about it, not all of them. I'm so lucky bc of the relationships I have had and how much I have learnt from them. I'm so happy right now and I'm in a wonderful relationship. I'm proud of how much I have progressed, and it's not easy for me to say that kind of things, but months of work deserve to be recognized. I think the hardest thing for me was to accept anything. I didn't like to receive, I was happy just doing and giving things to other people, but now I'm able to say 'no' and to think: "well, I think I can take this gift". It's still a little complicated, but at least I can do it, I couldn't even think to say "yes" to any gift before. Thx for everything. This channel has helped me a lot.
I had many adverse childhood experiences that affected me deeply. I was raised by a single 15 year old mother who suffers from prescription drug addiction and bipolar disorder. I am 23 now and find that in my 3 year on and off again relationship I am a combo of the controller, the facilitator and the victim. I've been in therapy for years and I do not know how to change something so hard wired, it hurts me and makes me ashamed.
I'm like a combo of the pleaser, the facillitator, the avoider, and the victim (it's hard for me to show my love for the person I love the most and I tend to stay serious most of the time, but they helped me so much to the point of me being able to somewhat break free from some of the parts of being the victim and yes, I have depression and yes my parents told me that I shouldn't cry and I forced myself to stop crying and I usually don't cry at all even if I'm in absolute pain, but when I met my special someone, I started to take it slow and steady on to be able to show emotions and I was able to do that, I'm happy that I met them)
I’m a 5. I’m still young but when I was a younger child, crying was not aloud in my household because A) my parents “didn’t wanna hear it” or B) “it wasn’t good to cry”
I love all these videos that focus on childhood. would like to hear more about child-raising advice to consider when you want a child not to do things but they keep doing it.
2 and 3 definitely hit home. I find it difficult to make decisions, say no to people etc because i overthink it all of the time and whatever i say might not be what they want me to say. This is because ive grew up in a very controlling childhood and was made to do a lot of things in a certain order, when they wanted it etc. I didnt really have much freedom.
I am an avoider and I don't think it can ever change. I forced myself to believe I'm better off alone but sometimes it's too unbearable and all I can do is hide it deep inside me or run away by harming myself other way.
my psychology issues all stem from being taught that the two best things to be are being kind and smart...well now i’m depressed, can’t set boundaries, and have anxiety that got really bad when i started having trouble in school (and because of that i hate asking for help)
1. The attention they give us, My father never gave me much attention and sometimes he would even forget my own age, 2. The freedom they allow us, It felt like both of my parents gave me too much freedom that they weren’t there when I needed help which lead me to feeling uncomfortable to asking for help at all. 3. Their praise and approval, Both families of my parents are all smart, active, overly achieved, attractive people, which leads to me only getting a B in a grade would lead to them saying “I don’t want you to be average, I want you to be the best,” it wouldn’t of sung if my father had said it since it wouldn’t of been out of the ordinary, but when my mother said it it hurt. 4. Their consistency and dependability, My father worked at home, but he was always busy that usually family matters at home came second to his work, I shouldn’t be complaining about it, but theres a huge disconnect to when my mother would help me, and when I entered Middle school, she suddenly wanted to help that it became unsettling since until that point nearly everything that I had done I had learned myself or from a friend, 5. Their attitude towards emotions, My parents fought a lot during my childhood, most of my friends parents where divorced and 5 year old me thought that would happen one day, when I was around 4 my father started taking his anger out on me too, which lead me to cry, except as a couple years go on I learned that crying or reacting to the situation just made it worse, which lead me to bottle everything up and then when I was alone I could finally cry, they mentality carried over to my mother, but bottling up my feelings also caused me to lash out a lot in school over small things that lost me a lot of friends. 6. Adverse childhood experiences, That just explains my whole childhood with my parents, and the few moments of “love” that they gave me just felt unnatural and caused me to think that it was lies to lower my defenses,
Transactional behavioral processes may be involved in stress mechanisms that explain far-reaching effects of childhood traits. That is, a child's personality traits affect the ways others react to him or her: a hostile child will evoke hostility from others, and an intelligent child is more rewarding to teach.
For me personally, I don’t want a love relationship. I’m not interested nor do I want to have one ever. It’s not that I hate love, it’s just I’m not into that stuff. Honestly for me I’m perfectly fine without any relationships as long as I have music and a journal where I can draw and write.
I hate how my parents are raising me, the only thing they do is scream at me, my dad doesn’t give a crap about my emotional problems, my mom agrees with my dad even when he crosses the line with discipline, (I’m not talking about taking my phone away for a week or two, I’m not going to go into detail, but hitting.) and my parents only care about their own feelings, it’s always them them them. They say that they never have broken a promise, yet they’ve never kept a promise. If they caused a problem and I’m somehow involved like, I made a comment before that or something, they will blame me and only me, not my brother, not the other parent. Only me. And due to this, if I ever get a partner, or make good friends. I’m gonna hold them dear, I’m gonna treat them with the kindness and respect that I never got.
Watching this makes sense of my trust and self-esteem issues. I noticed I'm the victim and a mixture of something else, I had to grow up fast at the age of ten to help take care of my mom despite having two older siblings and my father. So I really didn't have a chance to have a really enjoyable childhood.
This makes me super grateful that I only had to experience my parents go through a mild divorce, they both still loved and cared for me afterward and now I have a new loving and caring stepdad. Thank you for reminding me that my life could be so, so much worse! :'')
I'm happy that you mentioned other things besides the aces and that you mentioned other types of childhood problems that can cause problems later growing up I probably fit the avoider and struggles to trust or love people I often see the world as all bad and because of that I struggle to love and trust people I had alot of these growing up I did take the ace test and scored a solid 9 on it and it does often affect me alot I'm doing a video on the ace test and prevention for the aces and how you can manage your life even with a high number of aces it's going to be my next big goal to raise awareness for aces and trauma that I'm passionate about
My mom often says to me that if I don’t change my attitude now with her I’m going to end being like my dad in a relationship. He doesn’t show any form of emotion and over time has started to resent my mother. They don’t get along and I know he isn’t a great father or a good husband but it worries me. It makes me panic when she says that, because I don’t want to be like that. Over time it just makes me feel more and more anxious about my future relationships and I already struggle heavily to express my emotions to pretty much everyone. I don’t think it is fair of her to say that. Also the only reason she is allowing me to date now is because she’s trying to prove that I’m not ‘hoeing’ about like my cousin.
#4 every single word was 100% accurate to me. my parents could never keep a promise. i cried on too many birthdays to trust what they say. and #5 was 100% accurate too. ppl show affection so easily but when i try its just so hard. and #6 is 100% accurate. and #2 is 100%, i know that i make ppl feel like our relationship is one sided which is why i can never keep a friendship for over a year. #3 a little too. omg i’m a broken child.
