The best I’ve ever gotten is “I owe you amends” - NOT the same as “I’m sorry”. It’s the canned, 12-step, insincere, condescending, unapologetic apology.
@@SueP-D Dr. R has another video on forgiving the N and I like something that she said. She states that "forgiveness is a gift." It's not something that's owed to anyone. Granted, people have flaws that sometimes take time to work out but if you don't see remorse and a change in behavior, it's a mistake to just forgive without stipulations. Even more for a Narc who might need to be held accountable in some other way.
Great series 👍. The more I learn the more this reality is demystified. I have learned how to believe I can go on with my life and remain in touch with my family. Series suggestion: you have mentioned that if one is raised by or around narcissists enough one may pick up on some of the behaviors and manipulations. I don't think I am a narcissist, but some of the behaviors stuck. What about a series that teaches how to drop narc behavior picked up in these long term exposure situations? Thanks Dr. Ramani!
My ex used my background against me. I'd come so far from being 'raised by wolves'. If I just do everything he said I'll be an example of tenacity that he could show off to his friends. He would make me describe my past whether I wanted to or not. If I didn't want to share I was lying or being a weakling. He acted like he had overcome his past. When we tried marriage counseling anything he did wrong was in the past. All current problems were because I couldn't get my stuff together (even when I was the one who wanted marriage counseling hoping he could be nicer).
Every one needs to listen to the last bit, "focus on the here and now" and "even if you can't leave, you can think differently!" And my favorite, "YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH!" If you are reading this, know that you are wonderful. You are enough just by being you. Have a great day. Thank you Dr. Ramani for these videos and your tireless work in educating people.
It is so hard when the person is asking you for advice but you know no matter what you say it will not really be heard or be heard for long. I think the narcissist I am married to on occasion listens but within a few hours convinces himself of something that either involves anger or that any effort is not worth it.
Hi Dr. Ramani, I think the most important thing you taught the audience was, N's will not change. It' can be hard for a normal person to accept, but once you do, it actually let's you off the hook and can bring you peace.
@@kangarookids7497 Yes, of course. I meant exactly what you're saying. To understand their pathology doesn't leave you crazy after trying and trying to establish and enjoy a full life with a future. I've said it here somewhere, I follow a quote by Maya Angelou: "When somebody SHOWS you who they are, believe them the FIRST time. That little feeling in your gut is enough to base a guilt-free policy of "No second chances.…" Take care!
@@jackiemcarter1151 I feel for you. Nowadays trying to be independent (an earner) helps alot. In my area, taking care of elderly in their homes (agencies), is a flexible, well paying job. Some would let you bring your daughter to work with you. Good luck.
Yes it's alot! Knowledge is power 🔋, she's a God send, our incoming minds' freedoms keep her charged! You will feel terribly exhausted prior to healing, it's the last straw which somewhere broke your back!
Me too. Which is why I need to keep on returning to more than one spiritual advisor in order to stay healthy while waiting for a turn around so that I will be back on the way up again. A wise person always seeks more than one advisor. Thanks to Dr. Ramani I can now make good choice on whom to trust when it comes to who is to be one of my spiritual advisors.
Some days the videos put me in a dark place. I just save them all. Wait til I feel ready for more enlightenment. It’s not going to be easy. Keep trying.
Now I'm going to buy a book. Love these series. I'm pushing 70 and it's a "litte" disturbing to learn some of this stuff now, but better late than never.
I hear you. Mine is a covert, grandiose, somatic narcissist. It's always like dealing with a Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde. You never know which personality you're dealing with. Frightening.
Recently left a relationship with a narcissist. Watching the series I was confused because I’d see how his personality would manifest in some ways, but not others. Very grandiose while flirting, benign with his friends, and covert when he got into trouble for cheating, lying, and baiting [im talking literal TEARS, “my childhood was hard, no one understands me, poor me” and even Omg “I need you in my life because you make me a better person” despite never changing]. When I finally left him, I wasn’t sad because he was gone, I was sad that I had wasted so much time on him, trying to fix the unfixable. Thank you for this series, it’s kept me so grounded since breaking up and cutting off contact with him. I feel like I can protect myself and the people I love in my life from being swept up by others who will abuse and never appreciate them
Oh dear God , this comment may have just broken me out of denial for good. I've endured many of those tearful promises to change and pleading at times, as well as being utterly debased and torn apart and told that I'm worthless, that no one will ever love me, and that no one will ever help me. Thanks for sharing this ❤
Dr. Ramani, you have been my guiding light as I not only discovered that my husband of 25 yrs is a (c)overt narcissist, but he is also BPD!!!! Thank YOU for opening my eyes - 2 weeks after I learned about the profiles, I discovered that he's been leading a double-life for years.. wish me luck - I am faced with Mount Everest, but hey - now I know what to expect!!! 😉👍
Sending prayers your way. We have to stay strong and not let these predators continue to abuse us. I also am dealing with an exposed double life but I suspected it the whole 20 years.
I recommend books by H G Tudor. They are super inexpensive and are written by a sociopathic narcissist. It will help open your eyes and give you a great advantage. Please look into them! They will help!
She's my favorite practitioner/expert on the subject. With her you just get it! I love how she gives examples to further break it down. And It's all 100% accurate to my experience. It's so comforting and reassuring to know someone completely understands what we go through, that it's not just all in my head. Listening is literally getting me through major depression, hopelessness, self loathing suicidal thoughts following 7 years of conditioning to believe I'm worthless.
A friend told me they weren't enough for a man. I told her it's because he will never be enough for her. And I insisted she quit thinking that way. We can't allow ourselves to be dependent on what someone says about us. We have to depend on what we think and how we want our lives to flow.
That is so true. I never thought of it that way but it's so true. If we weren't enough they would've never wanted to know us in the first place. They basically stay until they get what they want from you. They just happen to get bored easily, and once your supply is old to them, they move onto a new target depending on what it is they are looking for, and what type of narcissist they are.
"Self preservation is a right." It seems so simple, yet for those of us raised by a narcissist, it's not as obvious as one might hope. I've spent the last few years identifying the false beliefs I was raised with, unlearning them, and learning new truths. You have helped, Dr. Ramani. Thank you for this series. It has brought me (and likely many others) insight.
Yes! Until you start to truly learn about Narcissism, you really can't even begin to get your head around the insidious abuse. None of us were taught this stuff and most become paralyzed and traumatized. By the grace of God, the universe, whatever you believe in - we all here, found sites to start our understanding....and now, our healing. Much ❤ to all here. Thank you for making these videos Dr. Ramani.
I had to understand how my upbringing systematically dismantled my self-preservation instinct, before I could really take in "self-preservation is a right".
I had a mother that set me up by teaching (or not teaching) me some basic values. Like self preservation is being selfish so none of that is acceptable. Always put your family first even if you are treated better by strangers. If you start thinking your childhood wasn't lovely you're disloyal and ungrateful and on and on it goes. I recently realized that no wonder people who didn't go through this abuse have it together. That they knew what they wanted to be when they grew up and how to get there. They didn't have someone commenting on your wants and telling you what you should be feeling or doing. A whole life of confusing mindf*cks to unravel and re-evaluate. Now that we know we can heal. We got this!
So true that recognizing the patterns is essential to protecting and loving yourself. I knew intellectually for many many years that pieces of behavior/ideas/etc. were wrong, but now that I see the whole picture, I really feel it.
I have been in therapy for decades. Decades!! And moved several times so had a variety of therapists. Not a single one of them said, hey, I understand, you were surrounded by narcissists. Not one! How much that would have helped!! Thank you Doctor Ramani for being the person who made me feel sane! I always knew I was. But no one ever said so. No one ever validated me like you do, Doctor Ramani! Thank you!
I was thinking along these lines, too. Therapy helped me for sure, but in a way Dr. Ramani has helped me more. I understand that shrinks are not supposed to diagnose people they have never met, but man it would have helped to hear something more specific than, "You are not responsible for how your father treated you." Or "You were just a kid - you didn't deserve that." Thanks, but intellectually I already knew that part. Dr. Ramani has shown me the pattern to how I was treated and now it makes so much sense. What relief, to fully realize that in fact it had nothing to do with me, at all. "Don't think that what they're doing is because of a failing in you. It's not possible. Their behavior is not about you, it's about them, even when they say it's about you."
Thank you Dr Ramani, you are truly one of the small group of people with a brilliant mind and heart full of empathy on the web who truly are here to help others be better not just sell products. You give so much value each time and you do it with grace and love in your heart and eyes, so I am deeply grateful. I have your latest book on Audio book and it's awesome. Everyone needs to go read it or listen to it. It's all of her genius and so much more. It's definitely better on audible as you can carry it with you and have her wise voice guiding you. I am grateful for your insights and grace. Keep on shining Queen!
Self Preservation is your right. Remove yourself from any person, place or situation that is not of your choice. No explanation. No excuses. No convincing a grown adult. No need for them to be in your life at all. Just because everyone else is doing it...doesn't mean you have to submit to a narrative you want absolutely nothing to do with. The End.😊
I agree. I like listening to her when I'm laying down at night. Her voice helps me relax. Sometimes I'll fall asleep, but I don't mind watching the videos more than once if that happens. 😊
I lived with my narcissist 40 years. The last three I knew he had started another relationship but at 68 and unemployed I was not sure what to do. He finally discarded me last August and the stress was gone instantly. The walking on eggshells and all the other things that you described are over. His fits of poor me were sporadic and not numerous for the first 25 years. Then he began a pattern of attacking me verbally every Sunday night for the last 10+ years. He accused me of not sharing with him and not loving him. Told me that I was the only one that could help him when I said we or he should get counseling. Later he started to blame me as you mentioned today for all of his problems. I sometimes still feel so bad that I allowed this treatment for so long trying to preserve our family and trying to protect our grown children. Dr. Ramani's videos have explained so much to me. I knew their was some disorder or mental problem, just never matched any of the ones I had heard of. Thank you Doctor!
Narcissist I had was all of them depending on what was going on in his life!!!!!!!!!! …..16 years of living with one I’m learning all the traits I witnessed and was at the other end of…..now no contact!!!!! They will NEVER change an inch….a millimetre……a nano second of their life to support anyone but themselves to the detriment of everyone else they meet along the way!!!! If you are in their lives…..you are serving a purpose and that is it …..PERIOD!!! Dr Ramani thank you 🙏 so much for these videos …..without you I would still be believing a narcissist!!!!!!!!😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
Indeed: Doc R is like the sun. She has cast light on nooks and crannies in the story of my life: so painful yet so essential. Late in life I am at last 'moving forward - Bless her and you too, eternallovehope! X0
This series has been great. Thank you so much. I left a toxic relationship less than two weeks ago and moved back with my parents. Turns out all this weight I've been feeling wasn't in me all along; it was a backpack I've finally been able to leave behind. You've helped so much, thank you again.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. This was so confusing when I was still with my ex. I think he was at times overt, covert, and also communal in terms of the professions he chose and his volunteer work. He wanted to be seen as kind and loving, but was very cruel to me and often talked about destroying other people who "wronged" him. Even going so far as to say they deserved to experience horrible violence and death (for attacking his character). It got pretty scary when I found him shifting that perspective onto me for saying he was hurting me and I wanted to divorce. So glad to be safe and narc free for 2 yrs.
Thank you for your wonderful videos, they have helped me so much! I would love to see a video addressing the aging/older victim of narcissistic abuse, and how it can present additional challenges as it is harder to start a new life when you are in your 60s, 70s, 80s or older, and you don’t feel as confident or attractive as when you were younger. Thank you.
Very good point. My poor mother was married to my dad (a full-on, abusive narcissist) for most of her life: until he died last year. I felt her pain and saw firsthand how it affected her (not to mention, how it affected their kids, ie. me and my siblings). I think, if you're addressing these things, and willing to think in these new ways, as you're aging: you are a very brave person, and your bravery will see you through, and find you results. Best wishes, to you.
At 68 I'm here to share with all of your listeners it's never to late to learn hard truths. I am going forward with hope and anticipation of a better, educated understanding of myself and the entanglement I have dealt with concerning narcissistic partners, friends and coworkers. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your enthusiasm and encouragement to deal with difficult truths to find freedom from the narcissistic personality disorders that seem to surround us all. After a two year deep dive to solve a very long and questionable relationship with a mother-in-law I have freedom. So with extreme low contact and grey rock I continue to separate and am finding that magical level of just not caring. Thank you Dr. Ramani for teaching us a very difficult subject. Saying thank you is not enough. But for now, please know you have saved another life!!
thank you for these series Ramani. people usually don't take you seriously when you don't have psychology degree but now I can show them any video I like from this series and shut them up.
😂😂 The narc I know won’t watch Or they might and then say you can’t trust social media They will say that this might be a fake psychologist and gaslight you. Telling you how stupid these videos are and how stupid you are for watching and how much you have wasted your time
This series was the best explanation for some of my life experiences. I feel so much better now that I understand the many types and how I have experienced them. Now I have a name for these behaviors and know when to run. The most important thing to know is that they are not going to change. Thank you so much for this wonderfully informative series. I look forward to what I’m going to learn next.
"Self preservation is a right"! "You are not responsible for their sad story"! Shall be like mantras for empaths like us.... Thank you doctor so much for reminding us to protect our interests and wellbeing!!!
Thank You Doctor Ramani :this series was indeed so helpful! I'm like you, when Kyle asked you which type of narcissist you would choose if you had to, and you said you'd rather live alone in a shack in the woods...hee hee = oh Yes!
Great video! Thank you very much!, this is clearly my ex... (I think it’s really funny that in english almost everybody refer’s to them as “MY NARC”, sounds like they don’t want to let go!: Free yourself don’t call them that.)
I think they are just differentiating between the narc in their life and their personal experience with them, and all the nameless, faceless narcissists out there.
Thank you so much! My N is Covert/Malignant. He has never once touch me, or threatened me physically, but I have spent our years terrified of him. And dear lord, his constant whining, complaining, criticizing of all human beings! Someday I will get out. Someday I will. In the meantime, I am trying so hard to realize what the reality of my everyday life is and behave accordingly. Survive, survive, survive.
I grew up in a narcissistic family. Unfortunately, I had narcissistic personality traits when I reached young adulthood. It was with the help of a therapist I got through my own issues and now doctor ramani has helped me through with dealing with these family members who unfortunately want the worst for me. At least I see this now. Recovery is a long road, possibly even lifelong but I'm commited.
This is so helpful! I've been aware of my mother's narcissism for a couple of years now, but she never seemed to fit into the conventional categories. Thanks to these videos, I now know that she's a mix of communal, neglectful and, on the lighter days, benign. There was never any real narcissistic rage with her, it was more along the lines of contempt, condescension and ignorance. And then blame and guilt trips if I refused to serve her. I once did a survey for schema therapy and up until then, I was sure that all of my parenral damage came through my father, a malignant narcissist. But for emotional neglect, I scored 97% on my mother's side and 3% on my father's side which really perplexed me, since on the good days, it felt like my mom was my best friend and she would (completely unreliability) do stuff for me. Now I understand it, thanks to these videos.
Im using the image of the narc as a tool whenever they enter my mind as a reminder that it is I who is responsible for my mental health, my own self care, my own dependency for me - i use them as a mirror to get stronger and claim my power. I grew up with a very violent one - I always thought I did something to provoke them into hating me 50 plus years of this. Im so glad that there is a slew of information abounding as most of my intimate partners have been various types of narcs - OMG!!!! Ive had to/choose to employ a shaman for soul retrieval and continued support as this is more than just becoming a gray rock it is an energetic possession type dynamic of being attacked psychically with the intent to kill and he wouldve been successful without intervention. take heed, take care and do whatever it takes to heal yourself, your brain, your heart, etc. from these evil entities with smiley faces.
Evil entity with a smiley face! YES!!!! You said it susana K. Thanks. I need daily reminders of who/what I am dealing with. I believe xnarc has the knack of mind control which he is exerting over my children. One is totallly into being his flying monkey and is now a narcissist. X0
Thanks for the advice.im glad you survived. would you tell what shaman you used or where i can get one? Advice would be helpful. Oh n i watch out for the cheesey smiles or when they smile too hard.
@@laurac.9322 very true on the smiles. the shaman that I work with is on highersoulhealing.com. Like most healing there is work involved on our parts to heal so that the attraction factor isn't unbounded.
This series has changed my life. Especially the video about the Neglectful Narcissist which finally makes the past thirty years of my life make sense. I identified so much when you said in this video about the “excuses and rationalisations you made because you didn’t know what you were dealing with” - this was exactly me for so many years. Thank you so much for making your wisdom and experience so freely available. Blessings to you ❤️
Thank you Dr. Ramani. The hardest for me to do has been to forgive myself for giving these people permission to hurt me. It took me years to realize the pattern my Narc-family conditioned me into. My friends, romantic partners, coworkers, bosses, etc. were all some form or combo of Narc. I'm just so glad that I know now. I've spent the 26 years I've been alive healing from the abuse. I blamed myself for not getting completely out when I had the chance. But, now I believe in myself. When I get out this time, I will never turn back to my family. My exs are gone, and soon my family will be too.
This video hit the nail. My husband is neglectful/slight grandiose/covert/malignant all his uncles have the similar issues an aunt in law told me about the family history. Thank you so much for this series and you summarised everything so beautifully. Self preservation truly is key.
The path of realization to healing took me 15 years. When I finally said enough!, my life became full of opportunities and happiness. Can’t say it was easy but it was worth it. These videos have helped me beyond words. Thank you Dr Ramani🙏🏼
This was kind'a the last piece of the puzzle for me. I can now know for pretty much certain she was a narcissist. The only thing I find hard to deal with about these videos is the sections describing techniques for coping, implying that it CAN be done - that breaks my heart when I know that option isn't available now. Being discarded is the darkest, most confusing, angering, horrible, profoundly depressing and unending nightmare, filled to the brim with thoughts of 'how could I have found a way'. But no way I've thought of yet wouldn't destroy a part of me.
My narc was a hybrid between covert and generational narcissist. My narc would blame the world that it doesn't understand him because he's half, being part filipino part iranian. He would blame all of his tantrums and rages (physical abuse, etc) to his ubringing from a highly patriarchal family set up from Iran, and blame all of his failures because he moved in the Philippines. So whether its his career thats failing, or his friendship/relationship, he always has something to blame conveniently. Gone no contact is the way to go. A wise guy leaves before he is left. Thanks Dr. Ramani! Stay safe.
This series has been amazing and extremely helpful. Every day I learnt something new that’s helping me piece together this puzzle called life. I wish I had access to all these information earlier, but thankful nevertheless to finally be free from guilt and doubt. No words are enough to express my gratitude to you, Dr Ramani ❤️
Thank you sincerely Dr. Ramani. I was at my wits end and on the verge of suicide. I strongly believe your series on Narcissism/NPD saved my life. May the universe grant you whatever your heart desires*~☆ -Much cosmic love and eternal gratitude: Ravenous Fathom-
Thank you for your generosity in helping people. Many people suffering in a relationship with a narcissist don't know where to get help. I am so grateful there are people speaking for people who suffer greatly in these relationships. Especially relationships that have been decades-long.
Yay! This was such a fantastic series. Mine is a cross between grandiose/covert/malignant. Mostly grandiose but he has a lot of the covert and malignant traits depending on the situation. You are saving my life Doc. Thank you!
Thank you for this series. I'm starting to think that my twin sister is a covert narcissist. For my whole life I've been trying to deal with her competing with me and saying horrible things to me whenever life is going my way. She's always attacking and blaming other people when life doesn't go her way. It's as if she believes that we are opposite sides of a scale, and when I'm doing well, it's the cause of her problems and she goes on the attack. She's always diminishing my successes and inflating her own. It's exhausting.
I watched this episode a year apart in a grueling narc life encounter. Now I know. Layers, wafers, splinters and confetti. This Lady waives the golden cloth 🙏
Thank you for the series. It was so enlightening. I was suicidal at the lowest point with my narcissist ex husband. Other times I feared for my life when he said he wanted to kill me. I didn't know how to leave and I didn't know how I could stay. My life was torture putting on a pretty face for public. I read a book on love addiction (I realize now I was just hooked into the narcissistic abuse) that outlined how to get a support system and start building myself up. Getting other people that could say things like, "you're not crazy, he's just an a$$hole" or, "his behavior is abusive and you have a right to boundaries and privacy" saved my life. I eventually was able to leave. Maybe some videos on strategies when you're trapped. Thank you, thank you! It's been five years but I still have nightmares about living with a narcissist. These videos help make sense of it. ❤️❤️❤️
@@alyssareaves daisy chain! I’m 12 days out of a 12 yr relationship (10 married). ❤ I’ll pray for the 2 of you! It’s not easy to start over at 61 but I’m taking it day by day. 🙏🏻
This is definitely the harder to spot. Flipping from benign to covert. Everything centered around having fun, and his desires being satisfied, and how much fun everything could be. Until it wasn't going his way, and then he'd flip to covert, snide, contemptuous and victimized. It was a lot harder to spot, back then. And after all these years, I was still questioning myself. Especially since he's so good at doing JUST ENOUGH to get everyone else to like him so much. I was still questioning my experiences. This series helped put a cap on that part of my life, finally. As well as insight into the next relationship I had, though much shorter and long distance. With all these types out there, and all these bad relationships, one does begin to wonder if healthy and well adjusted relationships are possible, because they feel like a small minority.
Watching your series has put me in great distress. You have covered so many different types of NPD that I can't see anyone as not being a Narcissist at this point. I've even begun to question myself. I keep watching more and more of your videos trying to find solace and all I am left with is this despair that keeps growing. Corona, these riots now, and your videos... I can't live like this. Every Ted Talk I watch says that happiness lies with connecting with people and everything right now is forcing me to isolate out of fear.
This explains SO much! Knowing a Narcissist can / often do have more than one type of trait removes the confusion. Your explanation made me stop second guessing myself - no doubt my ex is a Narcissist 🙄
Thank you Dr Ramani for this series. A lot of things makes sense now and I am relieved to know that I am not crazy and it wasn't just me. I did a lot of things wrong trying to make sense of all the things that were going on, and I take responsibility for those. Understanding what was going on really helps me to let go and move on.
Dr. Ramani, I hope you go on to make a video series on BORDERLINE Personality Disorder! It may not be as prevalent (is it?). but it certainly causes emotional (and sometimes financial) turmoil for those that are close to the person with BPD, and I think it leaves people feeling very confused and hurt, like they are walking on eggshells, and trapped on an emotional rollercoaster where their soul is slowly being sucked out of them (not that I have any experience with this ;) . I would love to watch you break it down for all of us!
Thank you so much for educating me! I've learned so much, and am better equipped to deal with the narcissist in my life. Knowledge and patience are now my weapons😊. You are an invaluable resource to me, and to so many others.
Thank you again for this series. I feel like I’m in college all over again taking notes as if I’m preparing for a presentation :). Continue to excellent work. I feel as if you are one of my therapist on my team. I’ll also be ordering your book do you know who I am.
I would like to see a video on a covert/malignant narcissist. My ex was about 90% covert and 10% malignant. I would love for Dr. Ramani to do a deep dive into this combination.
Oh, gosh, he was a time bomb waiting to explode. If I had to choose, though, I would select the malignant narc because they are predictable, at least, but not coverts
No one following this RU-vid channel can’t turn out to be a narcissist because, the more videos we watch, the more we fall in love with Dr Ramani. And narcs aren’t emphatically skilled.
In watching you over the years, I have realized that my father is probably an undiagnosed narcissist. His traits seem to lineup more with covert narcissism with a few discrepancies. His moods have always been unpredictable to the point that my grandma calls him “Jekyll and Hyde” and a true “Gemini”. Everyone in my family walks on egg-shells around him, afraid that they’ll say or do the wrong thing. He’s never been physically abusive, but as a child it still felt bad at times. Whenever he vents to me (on the rare occasion because I’ve limited my interactions with him), I try to encourage him to see a counselor, but he thinks he doesn’t need it. I really appreciate the information that you’re putting out here! It’s really given me clarity and helped me to understand why my Dad acts the way he does, and sort of taken a load off of me.
Dr. Ramani, thank you so much for this wonderful series. Oh my it is so generous of you to share your knowledge the way you do and you do it in such a down to earth way. You are a real blessing. Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"self-preservation is a right" (10:20), and explaining/ defending our position doesn't work. I thought explaining and defending why I needed to 'take space' would cause the narcissist to wake up and be able to see that I was suffering (because of all the energy I had been directing towards them in their relentless demand for attention from me). I just imagined that once I stopped suffering silently and 'putting on a cheerful face', and courageously named their behavior (for example, of interrupting others and mostly talking most of the time), that they would feel mortified, guilty, and sincerely want to change. I honestly thought they would feel sad to hear how depleted I had become in the process of helping them, and might feel remorse for asking for so much from me, and show a sincere desire to now show me appreciation and nurture my energy in some symbolic way. Once, in a moment of extreme frustration and exhaustion, I dramatically 'yelped' in pain and exasperation at being repeatedly interrupted. I then thought 'well now they will really realize how much stress I'm feeling and what this process is doing to me'. But no such awareness, concern for me, remorse, or acknowledgement of the impact on me ever was expressed by them. At first I thought it was because they were too embarrassed to address their own behavior. Now I'm coming to see that maybe they really didn't care as I thought they did, and that their 'caring' was more about the good feelings they had from their needs being met by me, than healthy adult caring for me and my needs. Its so hard for me to imagine not caring if I realized my behaviors hurt another person, especially someone who is close to me. It was this incredulity that kept me from seeing the narcissism fully, for quite some time. I'm glad now that in hindsight I can see much more clearly. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all you are doing to help us all see more clearly now, and for reminding us that we all deserve to be seen, heard and valued (12:20)!
So appreciative of this series Dr. Ramani!! Thank you so much for helping to provide clarity and understanding for the challenging relationships I have been grappling with my whole life from family of origin, to friends, work and significant other. 💙 As an educator for many years at a private school,I came across the narc dynamics quite often. It would have been quite helpful to have this in depth understanding back then. Wishing I'd had this info in my younger years. This needs to be part of middle and upper school curriculums.
The "Takeaways" part was really beautiful and moving, it truly was. It doesn't sound repetitive at all, sometimes we NEED for someone to remind us to keep moving forward and focusing on healing and collecting the pieces of ourselves that were scattered all around the place after a relationship. Thanks Dr. Ramani!
Thanks so much Dr Ramani! This series has been extremely helpful especially the covert narcissist. I am currently no contact with my mom who is one. Can you go into more detail about going no contact with a parent? (...especially adult daughters escaping cult-like, narcissistic abuse from mothers.). Thank you again 🙏🏽💚
Thank you so much Doctor Ramani. I really want to thank You for educating and changing societies for the better. I mean it. 🙏💙☝ You have taken the "shame" out of being called co-dependant by calling them victims. By doing that you have given courage to the victims and unveiled the PN. That feeling of being pointed out as a weak or responsible of having an attachment problem when instead you have seen and word the victims as compassionate and perhaps naive when being tricked by a Narcissist and that there's nothing to be ashamed of being beautiful but instead malignant is ugly. In fact I love your video A Dark Fairytale. You have unveiled the beauty of beautiful compassionate people. Thank you.
Dr. Ramani I knew this was possible, but for you to inform us about this, it's so true.. thank you! definitely staying safe out here, blessings to you and yours ❤🙏🏽
Thank you for explaining this crossover. It makes sense. The narcissists I know are very covert but when things are going well for them they can be very grandiose. It’s has been really confusing but this helps a lot.
Yes, thank you. It's really important to know what you are dealing with, and how to respond, if at all. The narcs I've known were overlapping, though more of a type. But without this knowledge, it can be confusing.
I really needed to hear the stop blaming yourself, stop explaining yourself thing. All of my life. All of my fucking life with different people. I'm sick of apologizing and explaining myself and feeling like shit.
Thank you so much for helping us identify the crazy making characteristics of the Narc mind. Gathering tools to understand our role in this situation is empowering & how to navigate step-by-step is essential to growing through relational discomfort. Apologize?? He Never will. Prancing Peacock! Gray rock is a first step. Fear of abandonment biggest threat hangs atop... 🙏. Stop defending self?? How ... my first step is to gray rock which is self preservation, which is self care! Ok. Im calling u dr !! Mahalo. 💜
Yes, self preservation is a right, even if we have to disappoint someone we once had a relationship with. Dr. Ramani, thank you so much for your excellent content. It's true that it goes deep and can be confusing and tiring, but it's essential knowledge for everyone to understand. Looking forward to learning more from you.🙂❤️
Love love loved this series! Dr. Ramani you're a life safer for me, I can't wait for this next series you've mentioned! Wish you al the best from Hungary!
This video, like every video that Dr. Ramani posts, is pure gold. If you are on the receiving end of narc behavior and aren't able to break away from that person, the advice and reminders beginning at 8:35 are all you need. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
You are right Dr Ramani as always! I realized one more component you mentioned-Nostalgia and making excuses to remain stuck as a Codependent that is in healing to understand self love and self preservation! The Narc understands and functions in these aspects very well and expects us not to!!
The series has been so good. This wrap up was so validating and empowering. Thank you. I cannot believe I have benefitted off your expertise for free. so grateful.
Thanks!!! Yes the validation is freeing to the soul. Its so hard to accept reality but it does get better when you understand that its not your fault that you were raised this way but your also not alone in it. I thank God for your channel plus others that address this monstrous topic.
The day my Mum died, last Tuesday. I came across your videos. I’m now 61 and I’ve had an estranged relationship with her for 13 years, she turned my Dad against me as I dared to stand up to her on a handful of occasions and he told me I wasn’t welcome anymore. Your videos opened my eyes and I now understand that my Mum was extremely narcissistic, the first instance was when I was 3 when she cut my Dads parents out of our lives. Then one by one she cut friends and family, brother, grandson, nieces and nephews out, as they didn’t live up to her expectations, no one was ever good enough. I was the last as I felt some sort of responsibility for her and my Dad as they were ageing. I was always trying to please her all I wanted was her love. I feel as if I’ve been blind all these years and you’ve given me back my sight. I just wish I’d known sooner as I have been guilty of enabling her to behave the way she did. The biggest pain came last week when I tried to reconnect with my Dad, he blamed me for her death and all the pain I’d given her all of the years. I couldn’t believe what I heard. It opened up a lot of memories that I’d buried so deep that I sobbed from the bottom of my heart. How do you get over the pain. This all sounds very self centred as it’s all about me, I feel this, I couldn’t, I feel guilt etc. Etc. How does someone at my age get over something like this and now I’m hoping that my children haven’t been effected by her as I encouraged them to keep contact as I didn’t know my Grandparents! OMG what an outpouring.
Carol, I’m no expert but it seems like your father is going to use you as the scapegoat like they did when your mum was alive. It is truly sad for you and allows your dad to keep his head buried. My heart goes out to you as you find your way being your own mother to that inner child that was neglected at best. One step at a time doing good things for YOU. 💐
It's very hard grieving this sort of death - because it's so different from if an elderly parent who was kind died. There's so much more to grieve than just a death. It's grief over all the mess too and never having the care and relationship that you wanted deserved from your parent. And also possibly having those around you not understand at all how you feel. Be kind to yourself. All the mess isn't your fault, even though you feel guilty for it. It wasn't your fault, you got caught into a mess that you didn't start and didn't understand what was going on. I wish you well. Treat yourself with compassion and give yourself permission to feel however you feel for as long as you need. Grieving is very tiring in my experience.
You have changed my life... changed it. I cry happy tears as I say you have given me more peace of mind knowing I’m not crazy... than I have ever had in my 35 years of life. The pain of a narcissistic family as the scape goat... is clarified by you... thank you for your videos you have changed many lives and views.. thank you ❤️💜🤍
