COVERT Narcissists: Everything you need to know (Part 3/3) 

They should come with a warning label: "Prolonged engagement with me will induce PTSD".

A lot of my healing is all of you posting your comments. I don't feel so alone . Thanks.

I can tell you, after finally getting out of a 2.5 year relationship with a narcissist, being alone is far better than being in a relationship with a person like this. You should fear the consequences of staying with a narcissist far more than you fear being alone.

1. Stop hoping they will get better 2. Stop feeling guilty of treating them by their truth.

Covert narcs.. the lights are on but no one’s home.. you’ll never get to know who they really are , there’s nothing to know.

Who else is addicted to these videos?

I feel a calmness like never before in my life. Knowledge is power. Thanks so much.

When I was depressed, I did have similar behaviors as the covert narcissist (feeling stuck, being mad at people who hurt me, and being a little envious) but the difference is that I never lied, gaslighted or had rages, and I was constantly trying different things to change the situation and improve myself. Also while I did blame my past for my problems, I didn’t use it as an excuse to not do anything about my current situation. Even when I felt envious of someone, my thoughts are never how do I take them down and instead was more like how do I become like them?

I have literally thought “how can I leave him alone when I know he has no other friends?” Yeah, he has no friends because they left him too, I guess. But I did walk away, and once I made the decision it was much easier than I expected, because I KNEW I WAS RIGHT. I still care, and I still hope he gets better... it just isn’t my business any more.

Covert narcs act all nice but listen to your intuition and vibes. Energy never lies.

I want to thank everyone for your comments. I finally left my covert narc husband after giving up to him 30 years of the prime of my life. And yet I now look at him and feel so SORRY for him when I see his own hurt and deep insecurities. But reading your comments reminds me of the games and abuse that he put me through and how he stole my life, time, energy and identy. Yes, a insatiable vampire.

Oh. My. God. I've been trying to figure out my mom my whole life. Therapists have told me she was narcissistic but I thought 'a narcissist can't hate themselves as much as she does'. This is her. This helps so much as she's in a high stress moment and is HORRIFIC right now and I'm feeling so guilty about the space I'm putting between us when she's going through a hard time. I'm going to sleep better now.

I feel this covert narcissist was very dramatic. If there is no”drama” they go out their way to seek drama.

Few or no witnesses. They’re good at what they do. Very sneaky

I always knew deep down something was wrong with me. Years of the same cycle until one day in my 30's I looked within and my past. It took me 2 1/2 years to cut through the mess that I thought was anxiety, depression, PTSD to see that most if not all my troubles were caused by my narcissism. These videos have truly helped me see clearly what is going on in my mind and I hope that I can turn this around not just for me but for the people closest to me. Thanks you.

I had a conversation with my mother, (covert)(whom i live with), recently about the abuse in my childhood and her response was "l was raised the same way " My response was " ok, but parents are supposed to want to be better parents, want better for their children, so why the hell did you do the same thing to us? " she looked shocked and walked away. And played the poor me card, I didn't fall for it.

I've told my covert narc many times, "I can't make myself small enough to make you feel safe/secure/loved". It's maddening.

One week before moving in together I'm watching these videos and everything fits the situation, I can't believe I almost got myself dragged into this toxic ocean of negativity with him. Thank you for making this channel, it saved me lots of tears in the future. With love. Madeline

Excellent series. The covert narcissist is extremely hard to detect, which makes them possibly the most dangerous type, because they appear nice and humble outside, a false persona that everyone believes except the victim. You might waste years before finding out what’s actual going on and will doubt it until they discard you if you ever find the courage to establish healthy boundaries

The anger all of the time would have me in my own home feeling so small and confused on what my actual reality was

I feel like people need to learn more about covert narcissism. it's highly destructive, and it never stops, even in court. :\

"How do you know when a narcissist is lying or gas lighting?" "When their lips are moving, and when they aren't."

You nailed it, Dr R!!! I was married to a covert narc for 32 years and just thought he was depressed for a long time. He was Mr Gloom and Doom and then there was his rage side too. Very awful to live with! I caught on after 16 years but had 3 kids to raise so I stayed. Last kid grew up and I left him and moved 250 miles away and cut off all contact with him. Life is so much better now!

My ex is a covert narcissist. This was my second (my!) relationship with a narc and I thought I would be safe this time exactly because she seemed so quiet and centered. But soon enough began the stonewalling, gaslighting, raging and criticizing. I was able to leave sooner rather than later because since the first narc, I study a lot on the matter. Knowledge is power

One day... I'd like to see a video explaining how you became a crusader for all of us victims of narcissistic abuse. Yes, that sounds dramatic, but so are the emotions we have been suffering. Because of you and others, I have been greatly helped by these videos.

Covert parents create so much tension and chaos in the family. As a child growing up in this environment, I used to feel so lost and alone. Even my relationship with my sister suffered because there was so much triangulation and scapegoating. We grew apart and eventually went our separate ways. The damage done by such parents is irreversible because children end up with trust and self esteem issues. It affects all our subsequent relationships.

The problem with the fixer is that covert narcs just don't want to have anything fixed...their supply is their own disgraces and hardships. So the fixer gets even more lashing out. Been there, done that.

This series of three described my relationship with my mother like nothing I have ever seen/heard/read before. Finally, after over 40 years, it all makes sense.

tbh, just listening to dr ramani feels like being in therapy. you can tell she's really present and wants to help.

Everything you say will be turned into an insult. It doesn't matter what you say, no matter how kind.

This three part series on the covert narcissist has been such an eye opening experience! I’m a 51 year old male nurse with extensive experience in emergency and mental health nursing. My wife if 28 years has been so totally difficult to live with over the years. It seemed like our marriage was already on the downhill slide after only being married for three years. I couldn’t understand why she was so cold and indifferent to me. She hadn’t been that way when we were dating….over the years I’ve never been able to understand how I could feel so totally alone and isolated when I was a married man. Nothing I did made any difference and believe me I tried! I gravitated to nursing because I was a healer. Not just a healer but a pretty strong empath. That means I always want to help, to fix people’s problems. That’s the way I approached her…..There was no fixing or helping her though. The harder I tried the more she pushed me away. At times I felt like she didn’t want to be a wife or even a mother to our son. My parents approached me one time and asked what was going on because our 12 year old was confiding in them and telling them about the horrible things that his mother was doing to him and the disrespectful way she was treating me…..I thought about taking my son and leaving…..but I loved her and I wasn’t ready to give up on her…..Fast forward to today. A month ago the wife of one of my best friends approached me. She had evidence that her overtly narcissistic serial cheater husband had something going with my wife. When I confronted her about it she tried to deny the affair….When told that there was both video and text message evidence she confessed to a 10 year Adulterous affair with this man. As she answered my questions I could tell she was calculating her every answer based on what she thought I have evidence of. Keep in mind I’m an experienced nurse with 30 years of emergency room and mental health nursing. I’ve gotten pretty good at determining if people are lying to me. My internal lie detector was pinging pretty hard as she tried to answer the questions. There’s some evidence that there have been more then one affair and there’s evidence that the affair she admitted to lasted much longer then the 10 years she’s told me. I came away thinking that I couldn’t trust her at all! That I wasn’t getting the whole truth…..There had to more going on here then just an unfaithful wife! I began my search for answers based on something a friend told me. She said that she thought my wife was a narcissist. I didn’t think that could be true. She’s an introvert. Then I began to read and to watch you tube videos. OMG! I feel so ashamed that I never picked up on this before! As a nurse working in the fields that I have I should have figured this out years ago! I’ve been married to covert narcissist for 28 years! Suddenly everything came into focus!…..Her confession was a month ago….Now….As I look around at the desolation that was once our marriage all I see are pieces. Our son who’s almost 19 now has moved out and is staying with a friend. He won’t speak to his mother. She’s badly damaged him over the years and he’s done with her. I’ve seized control of my money from her and I’m quietly planning my exit strategy. I can’t be married to her anymore…..Meanwhile she’s angry that I’m grey rocking her. She apparently thought that her crocodile tears and hollow apology should have been accepted and life should be moving on as normal. She’s put the affair behind her and now is pointing to everything I’ve ever done to her as the reason for our marital issues. Of course our son is just being completely disrespectful of her! She doesn’t understand why he would go no contact with her. I’m an empath and the negativity in the house is always high. Now it’s been off the charts! 4 weeks ago I didn’t even know that covert narcissists existed. Now my life is being destroyed by one……I really appreciated this three part series. Your information and the way it’s presented is the best I’ve found. You’ve certainly helped me understand what I’m dealing with. I look forward to watching your other videos as well. Thank you for taking the time to post these. They are definitely appreciated!

Feels like a HUGE breath of fresh air just being able to RECOGNIZE what's been occurring these past 4 years.... It's painful walking away but, I need to find ME again and discard the person I was being TOLD I was.... Thank you

It has taken me years to see the trauma caused by my mother. She was very careful to show one mask to everyone else and be someone totally different with me. Mental trauma from a parent like this is very real and debilitating

O shit I ended up alone .Lol That's ok I have a cat .To afraid to date .Empath here .Tired of being controlled manipulated .Being free an happy is worth it .Thank you again Dr

I have asked myself if *I* was the covert narcissist, and I have realized it was not me, but them, and my exhaustion from fighting their negativity after years, that wore me down and made me more negative. What snapped me out of it was when I started to make changes, grow, and return to my more positive and kind self again, they LOST IT. They were threatened, threatened to leave, threatened me with neglect, and became overtly mean to me. Lots of backhanded compliments, as you mentioned. If I was the narcissist, they wouldn't have immediately tried to take me down a peg when I started to be more positive again.

i broke down and cried at work while listening to this. you have perfectly described my narc ex. the feeling of confusion, self-doubt and the tremendous pushing and pulling of your guilt by the narc to control you. i was unaware of the toxic dynamic i got myself into. thank you so much Dr Ramani for this video. much love from the Philippines 💕

The lovebombing is quiet but it’s there, it’s constant. They really get inside your heart, rip it out and leave

One of the most useful things I learned from this is how well covert narcissists (or those with covert tendencies) hide under the camouflage of other mental health conditions. That squares with my personal experience. My ex had combat-related PTSD, with the depression and anxiety that often accompanies that. It made his narcissism hard to see clearly. It also made communal gaslighting something that happens a lot, because in military circles leaving someone with PTSD earns you the scorn of your community. It means you've failed as a military spouse. His behavior isn't seen as the problem. You weren't strong enough, committed enough, loving enough, patriotic enough.

As much as it hurts to listen to this, it is comforting to realize that Im not alone and crazy. Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani for every explanation and kind word ♥️

I’m now free of my 4yr+ relationship with what I now know was a covert narc. I felt suffocated, spied on, untrusted, controlled & bullied for over 3 years of that relationship. Always the victim and moaning about everyone, everything and putting everyone including myself down was exhausting. Thank you for you video’s and helping me to understand and decide to end the relationship

Could you do a video on children of covert narcissists and how to work on fixing the damage and trauma caused in childhood? Thank you so much, I absolutely love your channel. ❤️

Im a psychologist from Iran . your insightful talks are really helpful to me

I thought of him as a coward because he was always hiding, never wanted to confront his true issues, was so scared of therapy or talking to his own wife about his problems, and would never do anything about his seemingly chronic unhappiness. Nothing I did was ever enough, and i see now that it was never going to be. I've felt so badly about the part I played in it but I'm starting to see what I was truly up against. I'm so glad I found Dr. Ramani's channel!

Never even heard “covert narcissist” before… you’ve blown my mind and finally have been able to provide so much clarity for me and my situation. I truly appreciate the videos…

N O C O N T A C T!...........Dont ever reach out to them! EVER! My ex always told me sad stories about past relationships, so it made me feel like I had to be her a protector. It made me feel like I had an obligation to help out and pull her out of her depression. Naturally because I didn't wanna see her like that even though I have my own issues. I never though it would be used against me as a tactic.

I became friends with her because she said she wanted to be more like me. She painted a picture like she had always been a sad victim that people used and threw away. It was such a shock to realize that what she actually does is create an environment where she controls EVERYTHING and then cries about how much she does for everyone. If you don't let her control you, she's mean and talks down to you until you finally submit and then she turns around and says you're taking advantage of her. She is always a victim, even of her own emotionally abusive actions.

Thank you! These videos are seriously changing my life. Currently trying to divorce a covert narc, and thankfully have an incredible therapist getting me through it. She was our marriage counsellor so she has an insight into the abuse. She pointed it out to me!! I felt so sorry for him and his depression and anger issues. These videos are shining a spotlight on the last 15 years of my life.

Oh wow, this is uncannily accurate about my mom. She was “socially clumsy,” rage full, brittle, and rude. She isolated me because she felt we were somehow better than a lot of people. She was casually so cruel and passive aggressive. And a forever victim.

This channel is growing like crazy, HELL YEAH!

Thank you so much for all your insight into covert narcissism. You’re totally right about how difficult it is to tell whether someone is a covert narcissist, or if they’re just struggling with some psychological disorder. One of the differences I noticed was that my narcissistic ex was so easily angered and how much he hated all people. There was so much negativity surrounding him that it was suffocating. At one point, I thought I could potentially be a covert narcissist, but then I realized I’m way too empathetic and loving to be a narcissist. I can’t stand it when I feel like I’ve hurt someone, and I will go above and beyond to make it up to them. My narcissistic never gave me a sincere apology, no matter how much he hurt me. Sure, they seem to be victims, but they’ll only victimize anyone that gets too close to them. Next thing you know, you’re trying to put all the broken pieces of your life together while they are on the lookout for another unsuspecting person who they can cling onto. It’s a life altering experience that will leave you completely broken and traumatized.

Wow, it all makes sense now. My ex showed narcissistic traits but didn't quite fit the mould as I understood it. Thank you so much. Now it's time to heal, it feels like I've been poisoned and it's taking way longer than I thought to be healthy again, I made the choice to stop self isolating recently and the world has opened up to me in all its glory, Its scary but I'm doing it anyway

I was in a relationship for more than year and a half and watching this has made me so confident on my decision to leave. Honestly my biggest fear is what will be of him without me there to support him and that maybe I should have "fought harder for the relationship" but thank you Doctor. Therapy has opened my eyes and this videos are such great source for insight.

After 15 years with a covert narcissist he left me with nothing, no money, no confidence, bad health, I developed Multiple sclerosis during our relationship and he moved on to the next victim.

Those "little jabs" can be dismissed on an individual basis, but add up over time (I describe them as small pocket knives twisted for effect). I never understood how toxic "passive aggression" is over time. I could comment on every single point you made......but you covered them all better than I ever could. Thanks!

I finally thought I met someone nice but felt something was off at the same time. He got really vulnerable really quickly and was always down. Nothing I said would help and he kept asking me really odd personal questions. I assumed he's just socially awkward or I'm overreacting and felt a sort of weird fascination and a need to help him. He never said anything nice about me, only passive aggresive 'jokes'. I started noticing my self esteem going down fast and my anxiety coming back. I kept telling myself 'trust your gut no matter what' but now I'm actually doing it. The hope, guilt, fear trifecta really resonated with me. Thank you, dr. Ramani! Your videos are my sounding board.

One initial red flag I’ve had with many narcissists is when I’m going through a crisis with another narc. The narcissist makes me feel like there must have been something I did to warrant the attack. Before I knew this friend or loved one was a narc, this red flag got my attention. I try to rationalize and think “Maybe they just don’t understand”, “Maybe they just don’t like to think anything negative about others”. But what it is, a narc doesn’t want to see narcissism in another narc.

I just left my husband who is a covert narcissist. One of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. Dr. Ramani is super on point with crying and things getting significantly worse when they are stressed out. And of course , the guilt aspect of it is such a powerful manipulation and it kept me in this relationship for a little over a year.

Haha! My husband cheated on me with a girl 10 years younger and when I filed for a divorce he looked at me and said he loves the wrinkles around my lips 🤣🤣🤣 please don’t leave me 🤯

Wow. To finally have a name for what my sister has always been. It’s like you’ve met her! Her “victimization” of choice has always been hypochondria. Listening to you has truly helped validate my feelings. I finally freed myself from her a few years ago and I recently left a job of 23 years, with a narcissistic boss. Gaslighting was her specialty! Educating myself is helping me to understand my empathic nature and how I’m a magnet for these despicable people. Thank you so much.

I just finished all 3 parts, I feel like I drank from a firehose of truth and validation. “I can be the one”. My stupid mantra throughout my relationship...at my my own degradation of character....Thank you Dr. Ramani.

Oh, my gosh! When Dr. Ramani leaned forward and said, "Tell me everything!" the hair stood up on the back of my neck. That is almost exactly what my vulnerable narc did when we first met in person. It was a bit off-putting but seemed sincere. The love bombing phase involved flights across country to see me that I thought were excessively expensive (we had met online). I am finally getting a divorce after decades of misery. Now the self-proclaimed victimhood is turning into a smear campaign with my grown kids. It's really devastating to be painted as the one who is being so mean to the poor, vulnerable narc, when it's really a vindictive strategy to punish me for daring to leave.

After three years and headed to a moved in relationship, my CN, went passive aggressive the FIRST time I tearfully told him that he hurt my feelings. This strange behavior caused me to research for months every study, every webinar, every article that I could find from professionals -- psychiatrists, psychologists. My eyes were opened to a person who lived in his own false reality and only then did I see all the symptoms converge, all the little things I overlooked and excused. One feels sorry for them when this is recognized, yet to me it is relatively easy to stop loving a fake persona. . . . DR. RAMANI YOU ARE A GEM, AND THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE MUST THANK YOU

I'm 58 and having 2 covert nasissist parents. I spent a lot of my childhood looking in mirrors. Not because of vanity, I needed to check that I, actually existed!...

You area wonderful teacher! I am 66 yrs old and my mother is dead now , 12+ yrs on, but I am still learning and trying to forgive my mother who was a SUPREME covert narcissist. It hurt my self esteem so much when I was younger, but I married a wonderful, kind and caring man and we are coming up on 40 years of marriage. Thank you so much! My mind is being blown with insights and feelings of gratitude to you. Thank you so very very much!

I recommend you all to watch HBO series 'Big Little Lies'. There are so many narcissists, a lot of toxic behaviours, trauma bond in abusive relationship, grandiose narcissists parents using their child as a tool or a part of their image, and with them HSPs and empaths with their own parent-related traumas. Watch and practice your narc dynamic knowlege ;)

My mom was a covert narcissist. We were VERY isolated. Many times, I had to bargain with her or flatter her just to visit friends or even go out and ride my bike. I never wanted to go anywhere with her because she'd be angry the whole time and insult everyone around her (so only I or my dad could hear). That was too much for a little kid to handle or want to hear when I was just trying to have a good time at a park or something.

"Manipulate through victimhood" - oh yes! Him acting self-deprecating was really fishing for compliments.

I spent 10 + years with friends like this. They are also obsessed with humiliation. I did feel bad for them even till this day.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all you do. ❤

Oh god, this is so true. My covert narcissist was so vulnerable and visibly broken and .... needy, initially the relationship was simply about him finding the space healing, so I was fine with him being around. He kept seeking more, being there. He was in love from the start, wanted to move in within a few months and I was like "this is infatuation, but harmless". It wasn't! This was a parasite! So intent, so seemingly committed... and yet there was something always off, but I kept taking his word on good faith.

Dr Ramani's videos just finished opening my eyes. I'm currently experiencing and have experienced physical alongside the other types of abuse from at least 2 full-blown covert narcisists since I was born almost 32 years ago. So many times I truly felt like I wasn't going to live another day to finally piece together what I was doing wrong until now. I cannot state how much Dr. Ramani saved my life for helping understand and continue healing from so much pain. You're a true hero @dr ramani. Everyone wish me luck in getting out of this mess of a life. I'm more optimistic now that I've ever been but I still find myself struggling every day. STAY STRONG AND KEEP ON EDUCATING YOURSELF AND OTHERS ❤ it's the strongest act of defiance I could think of.

You are an angel sent from heaven. I have been trying to put the pieces together since my teens about why & how is my mother this way, why does she think like this, why does she make these choices. It was literally driving me mad to the point to where I started therapy. She never was happy, nothing anybody did was enough, she complained that her life could've been better if blah blah blah, & everything was my fault because I'm the golden child (even me existing was my fault) ... Ive just recently in the past 3 years started TRYING to tell her about herself & each time it gets NOWHERE. I started my research here a couple days ago & stumbled across your videos. The first 5 mins into the video, I literally felt like my prayers had been answered, you described EVERYTHING about the person I love sooo much 😞. I feel so relieved yet saddened that I literally have to treat my mother almost like a mental patient. I never asked for this but understanding what I dealt with in my entire life is A LOT easier now thanks to you. I now know I need help as to how to deal with her because I love her so much & she has grandsons that love her too, but, she makes it so difficult to even be around her for a certain amount of time... Sorry I kinda poured my heart out, but I just wanted to thank you. You have really helped me. 🙏🏾

You are so correct! I felt sorry for my husband when I met him and it was on that basis that we started to date. He lead me to believe that he went through a lot and of course like an empath that I am, I wanted to rescue him etc. Well, you can guess how that turned out - still on my way to recovery. Very toxic individuals!! Stay clear of them!

I think my ex is a covert with some overt tendencies and also, I think he has BPD. I was with him for 10 months. The love bombing lasted for about 2 months and his mask was starting to slip. I would describe my relationship with him as a roller-coaster ride with a ton of whiplash. Most of the time the things that came of his mouth didn't match his actions. It left me very confused and I felt like I was going crazy. This person was extremely childlike. I felt like I was parenting this individual (who is 35 years old) on how to be a decent human being and the best kicker to this was teaching him how to apologize correctly.... Smh...... I feel like these are some of the things you should know already and not having to learn it at 35. It was jarring to be on that roller-coaster. I am glad I am off it now and started my healing.

My mom was a grandiose narcissist and my dad is a covert narcissist. I was the "chosen scapegoat" for both of them🤣 and my little brother was their golden-child😏. I lived a terrible life. But now that I am learning more about these narcissistic patterns, I feel like I'm able to laugh at them and finally move on...😇❤️

Spot on!! I can't stop watching Dr. Ramani's videos.

My ex actually told me about his childhood and the abuse he endured often...it definitely worked on me and is why it took me 8 months of back and forth to finally break out of the 2 year relationship. He still tried luring me back in after all that we went through. Just ridiculous. Very tough.

Omg! The first time I really saw the covert rage was 7 plus years into my marriage. I was blissfully pregnant. He my mom am I we’re painting the baby’s room. Of course I stripped decades of wall paper off on my own and a friend that helped me. So now the three of us are painting, it is a lovely day. I grew up with parents that would buy homes, redo them and make $. While were painting I suggested a tip my folks used. The Narc looked at me with a look I had never seen before. He left the room. My mom and I looked at each other with the wtf question in the air. That was really the first time he raged. I found out later he was having an affair. I believe he always did have an outside supply. I fell into the supporting wife from the get go! Ugh so glad I am out.

I’ve been no contact with my covert narcissist mother for six months now and these videos have really helped me. Thank you so much for your knowledge

The pandemic definitely made everything worse too as far as being stuck in the house with the narcissist! Sometimes you just have to go out for a long drive or a nice long walk to catch a breath of fresh air and sunshine in your life.

No apologies EVER. It is never their fault.

Please Dr.Ramani do a video about differences between passive-aggressive person and covert narcissism.

Yes! I thought it was PTSD. It took seven years to realize it was a form of narcissism. and I am only now learning about covert narcissism.

Recently I found out about my being a covert narcissist and I have never felt so hurt by myself and ashamed. And I know it's not easy to have lived through with a narcissist. What I think is that narcissist were first victims and as such we learnt to self protect maybe differently from other seemingly normal individuals. I also think that the choices made to hurt people is deliberate and that not all covert narcissist want to really hurt people. We are hurt people. I left the guy I was with once I found out because I couldn't bear to know that I had caused enough misery already. I have been fighting the battle if insecurity and jealousy and I really felt the world was against me. I've realized that I can't take back what happened in my childhood to have made me this way. But I can't keep playing victim, I can't keep bleeding on people that didn't cut me. When I found out, I was destroyed because I knew that I would never want to have kids while being this way or even be in a relationship and hurt someone I like. I said it was love before but realizing this, I couldn't connect with him because I've never connected with myself. So I had to leave and wish him well. And also heal and be better so people and my children wouldn't have to heal from me. Narcissists are painted as the bad guys and it hurts me deeply. I've searched for videos on coping with it but all I find is videos for people who had relationship with covert narcissists I do want to be better and I hope people see that and create videos for us who can't afford therapy but want to be better and not hurt people.❤

My ex saw no value in women. When he was building "our" home, I said you build a house, I make it a home. He ignored it. Now I see he was thinking we don't need a home, I 💪am building a house! Idk, I never got a compliment, maybe one thank you in 4 1/2 yrs, and one sorry that was said while rolling his eyes. NC since a vicious discard. I thought this guy has been hurt and now that he finally has someone loyal and he can trust, we will have a great relationship. Nothing was ever reciprocated. It was all about him. All attention had to be on making him happy. Poor him. It was a complete confusing mind f***.

I was 2.5 years with converted narcissists. I am emotionally exhausted, deppresed and dealing with anxiety and guilt. I have gaps in my memory, and i feel like i don't know who i am anymore. I was gaslighted to the points of madness, ridiculed and blamed for being a women. Was called "attention whore" when i wanted to spend time with other people, yet i was feeling guilty that he is "not enough" for me. I was blaming myself upon some time ago when my friend send me the posts he makes about me. Complete lies that put him in the victim place. He is looking for another fool who will come and safe him, and i feel so sorry for anyone who will come across..

Sadly I’ve had several run ins with the incel community, but I’ve never stopped and thought about them as likely covert narcissists. It makes so much sense 😮

My dad is definitely a covert narcissist. So glad I cut him out of my life. But now I’m scared that I am one too or at least have very strong tendencies

I’ve wasted a lot of time, and precious soulful energy on the covert narcissism’s in my life...girl it’s time to heal yourself! Thank you for helping me understand that it’s not my fault.

I've shared this before, I've been married to the CN for 43 years but have lived separate for the last 2. He is exactly as described. The last 2 years have been wonderful, I will NEVER go back!

Thank you for making this video. I join in with all the others who have recently left someone displaying all these behaviours. I've been relentlessly criticised for my physical appearance, for my personality and "being too nice" to people, for my business and the way I chose to grieve my previous late boyfriend and my pets, every aspect of my life has been annihilated by him. He is 47 and hadn't had a long term relationship since his late twenties/early 30s. I felt so sad when I heard his stories about his childhood neglect, bullying and body image issues. Now I clearly hear the way he talks about others, the way he condescends, the way he intimidates and overpowers. Just like a comment below, I have never felt such calm finally being out of it. If anyone reading this is wondering if this too is their partner, please try and find a way out. He isn't in my life any more but his voice is in my head. I look forward to bestowing it with compassion and rationality, because although he will never change, his voice inside me will. Lots of love guys x

This matches 100% my case. Wow thank you. It is so reinsuring as it is a very tricky relationship and those who haven't been through this wouldn't understand.

Hope, fear, and guilt defined my whole experience with a narcissist. Spot on analysis!

Oh man. It took me so long to learn that it's not your job to fix anyone unless your getting paid and it's your actual job to try to fix them

I'm pretty sure I'm married to a covert narc and I'm an empath, go figure🙄 8yrs and 2 kids and I have finally come to see the truth. I'm numb when he is around, and when I try to tell him why, he makes me out to be the bad guy... I don't know what to do but listening to your videos helps me not feel alone or crazy, thank you

Me, “but I’m socially anxious. I avoid social stuff... but when I’m there I fake it.” Whew. Lol

Dr Ramani, you made reference to "reaction formation" in this video. I've heard you use this term before and would love to hear it defined in your Glossary Series. Thanks so much for al you do!

As a sufferer of NPD, your videos offer a lot of ways to challenge those knee-jerk reactions that leave everyone with a headache. You make it really easy to understand, hopefully others are somehow exposed to this and are also hooked in by your objective yet very authentic approach!

I was married for 16 years to a man who was a cross between a covert and malignant narc. I am out of that relationship now 17 months and life is so so so so much better. I am happy and back to the real me and healthier and loving life again.

I cannot thank you enough Dr Ramani!❤️ I just got out of, now it seems, a covert narcissistic codependent relationship that was highly toxic. Having parents that were both abusive narcissists had be drawn to relationship that felt familiar. It wasn’t until I stumbled up on these videos that I got some real insight & clarity on why I was in the relationship and - thank goodness- I was right to step away. I know the red flags now for the future. Bless you!!