I’m 28 and Still Support My Mom and Sibling 

This is hard thing to walk way from and change from

It's how poor people survived....everyone pitching in a little and the one with the most money gets "the honor" of supporting his family.

@@veronicaibarra8267yes. And that generally works better than depending on pensions

😂😂

I fucking hate divorces for this exact reason

Yeah lol

Emotional spouse. Yuck 🤢

yup they sure are only looking out for themselves! i was the daughter-husband and no one appreciated my contributions , they all became entitled to my help!

My mom is an absolute high maintenence princess, who feels beyond entitled to her son's money.

yup you sure did cuz my mom did this exact same thing to me

My mom was like this when I was younger but it was my child support money from my dad. So he helped me move out in secret when I was 19 and then redirected a portion of the child support money to me to help cover rent until I got on my feet. She tried to give me the waterworks to guilt me into coming back but I wasn’t buying it. 15+ years later and I learned a lot from her mistakes and my husband and I are very careful with money

Many men have had mom's that tried to pull this type of thing and were strong and smart enough to not allow it.

Wrong. He cares for his mom. I'm sure she took care of the family and was probably not allowed to work from hubby. It happens. Proud of this young man. Mom probably supported him during college.

@@terizeger7955 wrong… 😂 Did you miss the part where his mom worked for his dad, despite being divorced? She’s using her son as a crutch. Perfectly capable of supporting herself.

@@terizeger7955 👍🏽👍🏽

Son-husband ya hate to see it

This was what I was hearing too. And now the advice is to screw this woman over yet again. It's so sad that the pursuit of wealth means discarding the mother who has given up everything to immigrate to a new country (I'm pretty sure that's what I heard), leaving her support systems behind, staying at home to support her partner's career and raise these kids, only for all of them to discard her when she's no longer of use. It's sad.

Exactly, I just commented this. They’re making her seem in the wrong when she probably was a stay at home mom like they both probably agreed to and now she’s trying work to pay the bills she was left with

@@pamelastoesz733She needs to change her lifestyle to something she can afford. What would she do if her kids were out of the house? She’d have to adjust. It’s not fair to keep your kids from becoming independent.

AKA Son-Husband

@@FlutterSwagSonsband?

Aka African American female retirement plan.

You folks do realize its the norm around the world to take care of ones parents ryt?

@@TheMrgoodmanners that is only normal in 3rd world countries where saving is impossible. No place that has wealth does that. That is part of that they stay poor. Children sacrificing for parents instead of parents sacrificing for children. Terrible cultures.

That was my question. Want the full story.

Son is allowing it, mom guilt trips him. He needs to go

And then get it blown out by a tornado in a freak storm. And she is not getting $500k. She should get ONLY the portion she paid in.

Lovey houses in the 125-200k range?? I’ve never wanted to move to Missouri, but you make me consider it lol

this is why its ok to not pay for some or all of their college. Parents end up not investing because they are guilted by society. I promise anybodys kids will be less mad about having to work and maybe pay of a few thousand bucks of student loans than have you move in to their house and live there for your last 20 years

80K in LA is not just getting by. You can live with roommates ($1.2K), not have a car note, and cook at home. With those three choices alone, your monthly living expenses are MAYBE $3K total. Monthly: $1.2K rent, $500 phone/utilities, $300 car maintenance/fuel, $200 food, $800 for toiletries, hygiene, misc, etc. With a NET income of around $4.7K+ the caller would not be just getting by. He would have almost $2K of additional income for debt, savings, & retirement. As for 2 dependents, that is a CHOICE he is making for himself.

Same

Generational poverty.

He can simply leave instead of acting like a doormat and a spineless wimp. My male cat Taffy has more balls than this guy.

@@otrebla8944 Facts

Horrible investment lol 500k into a bond making 5 percent is 2k a month

Just because that’s what it would bring if it was sold doesn’t mean it’s that nice of a place to charge exorbitant rent.

probably taxes and insurance and rent is too low. 500K in investments she should pull 20K a year on average....

And Mom doesn't care about your future, just hers, right?

Damn Man. This reminded me of being a kid and seeing Adults still around their parents and miserable. As a little kid I didn’t understand it but in my 20s I definitely do. Some people are not cut out to be parents, they’re just narcissistic and parasitic sadly.

Walk out. You are not chained to a wall.

But why does her son allow his mom’s desires to dictate his lifestyle? Why is he allowing this?

A Sonsband?

@@HOLDXSTEEL that’s exactly right.

But HOW does he not see it? He definitely sees it, he’s an analyst. He can crunch the numbers. He’s either very weak-minded or he gets something out of the deal. He is allowing it for some reason.

​@@HOLDXSTEELa husbon. Lol.

@@GoJojo-lv6zi we don’t have perspective when we are in the situation.

Where's your mom's husband?

You need to have your name on the lease or deed to the house. You also need your own space in the house.

Yes he should say mom I rented an apartment I’m moving in a month and you will be on your own financially.

No exit ramp? Are you kidding? He's almost 30 and makes 80K/year. He could pack his things and leave tomorrow morning if he wanted to -- and be renting his own place by the end of the week. Literally no one in the world can stop him physically or financially from leaving. He is weak-minded. I have little/no respect for men like this.

​@@GoJojo-lv6zibingo! He allows this to happen.

The guy needs to grow a set of balls and leave the mother and the sister. He should get a girlfriend and get married and leave the Mom and sister to their own devices. By his tone of voice and wimpy attitude, I can see why he's not attractive to girls who want a real man.

@@GoJojo-lv6ziobviously they mean no exit plan without burning relationship bridges

Yea, I think there is a cultural aspect that is not being considered....

Yeah well that old culture thing is Wrong just because it's been a tradition doesn't make it right In some cultures Child brides still exist ...it's that right...F no!

No they don’t. The poorest countries have no choice. Within 1 generation in the USA those parents have multiple homes to give to kids and retirements.

The person on this call doesn't live in a traditional Asian society or economy. New environment with new parameters = new rules & expectations

also being first gen and sending money back home is so draining next to that cultural aspect >_

He called an American personal finance show so he got our answer.

⁠​⁠@@GoJojo-lv6ziExactly.

Oh, really? Tell us more! I'm always interested in hearing success stories.

It's Renee Marie Harrison doing she's changed my life. A BROKER- like her is what you need.

It seems like Renee doesn't just see trading as a way to make money for herself. She's been actively teaching others her strategies and helping them achieve financial independence too.

I do know Renee M. Harrison, I also have even become successful....

Absolutely! I've heard stories of people who started with little to no knowledge but made it out victoriously thanks to Renee Marie Harrison.

The dad is. The dad is the one who pulled away from the family, leaving a void. The son was already living with his parents and working a real career.

Very real thing divorced women do

@@CM-sy3to woman are 80% of divorces. Ask yourself why you say that then blame you mom.

⁠@@joesmith3590 Women are 50% of the divorces.Theres two people in a marriage. So 50%

@@ok.ok.5735 female math to avoid responsibility. It is like you guys want to be a joke.

Why doesn’t he move out? That would solve his issues immediately. His mom would have to figure it out. He’s enabling her.

@@GoJojo-lv6zi Yes, of course, but It seems doubtful that he would do that, until she is more independent. Cultural differences?🤷🏻‍♀️

@@heatherj3030 It's doubtful because he refuses to do it. If it's cultural idk why he called into an American personal finance show expecting anything other than the response he got. I'm American, so I'm with Jade & George. I'm first-generation like George too, I'm not sacrificing my whole future to enable one of my parents.

@@heatherj3030 if they are so much of the culture go home it is very cheap.

@@GoJojo-lv6zi Nor should you. I have 18 and 25 year old sons. I definitely wouldn't want to do that to mine. We are debt free and have our retirement secured, so we aren't a burden to them. I wasn't try to excuse the guys behavior, but I don't see him following their advice. Good for you, have so much sense. I hope you have a great life.

Why was he even still living there at 28? The divorce sounds recent.

He needs to figure his life out. Why is he allowing all this to happen in the first place?

Agreed

Her health is not so good was the point.

@@JustinCase780sounds like Hispanic family, Hispanics are prone to diabetes and high blood pressure

Sounds like she can work. Even if she can't the plan that he lives with her and supports her for the rest of his life is absolutely ass backwards

I’m 52 and I pay my own bills. If she has health issues they are from poor choices. I have health issues not of my choosing (MS) and I pay my own way. My son lives with me for free while he works and attends school.

@@ajuister She is working and looking for more work.

in*

That's exactly what I said. Traditionally with the 1% rule, a million dollar rental should bring in 10K a month. Most rentals hasn't kept up with that as real estate prices skyrocketed. But, it should be way more than 2,000.

@@bradycone $3900 was the price of a new house in 1938 a d $27 was the rent (probably for an apartment). $1M/$3900 would be at least 256.41x. So one would expect rent to be no less than $6923.07.

she should have got half the value of the business her ex has too plus the family home.

The son indicated she was working for her husband’s business. She might not have even received an actual salary.

Sounds like she was a trad wife who was screwed over by her husband. It happens all the time.

But you aren't paying her bills anymore are you? It's called opportunity cost. Simple concept.

Yeah you can tell it's a Mexican mom. She should have picked a better man to marry.

Scarface - I agree 100%, paisa mom 😆 Dude needs to say NO to "ama" and live his life. They raise us to grow, be independent and make our own life, not to circle back and support them when they didn't do anything with theirs. Que no mame. Déjalo ser y vivir su vida señora 😒

And yeah, a parent(s) pulling the guilt trip...typical manipulation tactic 🚫

Why is he allowing this? He seems smart and capable, yet very weak-minded.

@GoJojo-lv6zi Single mothers do this to their sons on the regular. Kevin Samuel's called them son-husbands, or sonsbands. Not all, not even most, but enough to see a pattern.

​@@tjbalistic Again, why is the son ALLOWING it? It doesn't sound like his mother has stolen his identity and takes money out of his account. He is a willing participant. Why? And, it sounds like he was raised in a 2-parent household until recently. His parents just got divorced. So he wasn't raised by a single mother.

@GoJojo-lv6zi A misplaced sense of guilt? The mother should be encouraging him to fledge, not stay.

@@tjbalistic He is almost 30 years old. He should leave instead of waiting to be encouraged to. The fact is, HE called into the show. If HE wants to know what HE should do, HE should leave or make a time-bound plan to do so. He's not a little boy that has to wait for permission from his mommy. At his age, he is 100% responsible for his actions and/or inaction. I have little respect for men like this.

Ramsey people are selfish with how they don't understand normal people their response would have surprised me had it been different!!!

Yes, there is that morality aspect which can't be ignored if you're wired that way. My (single) mother has absolutely $0 saved for retirement and in 5 years will have to sell the mobile home they're living in... and then move in with me for the rest of their lives (also my special needs sister). My mom did MLM making no money for 20 years and refused to get a job, but what can I do at the end of the day I can't let my mom live on the street. It is a financial anchor and personal life anchor, all I can think is to make her stick on a budget and have her get some sort of job. As I'm finally paying off my student loans and being able to rent a decent place, that's right when the mother going to come in and start living with me for the rest of her life. Situation reveals character. Do the best you can, make the best boundaries and limitations as you can because I think they need to feel the pain, there has to be some sort of consequence to their actions (or lack thereof) just based on principle. Then just try to move forward. Money isn't everything in this life, at the end of the day did you live according to your principles and values, especially when it wasn't convenient. It's a delicate balance between being walked all over and trying to do the right thing. I wish you the best of luck. In a strange way it's kind of refreshing to know there are others in a similar situation.

The son should have just went out on his own and told his mom "No, I can't help you." The best I can do is help you figure YOUR life out, not live with you and pay your bills. Simple.

Would you want to pay spousal support? Think before you write! Child support is fine.

My guess is the had the house for years as well as the tenants….bottom line they need to sale the house or mom needs to move into the paid off property.

Yes they’re giving the advice from a United States culture perspective. Around the world the culture varies

They aren't even answering his question on how he can make more.

It really is. Its happening to me right now and I just turned 22.

Crazy I’m also in the same situation and I’m also 22

Well, he called into an AMERICAN personal finance show. If he wanted advice about how to do things in other cultures he should have called someone from another culture. And he doesn’t need to call The Ramsey Show to figure out how to make more money. There are countless resources online for that. The Ramsey Show tells people how to spend and save it.

Shame on you for placing the blame for a grown man's actions on his mother. He is almost 30. He makes 80K/year. No one is forcing him to do anything. He is just a weak-minded enabler. I think he should leave now, instead of waiting for his mommy to give him permission, and watch how quickly his mother and the rest of his family pick up the pieces, pull their weight, or otherwise stand on their own feet. He's not a child. There's no one to shame but yourself once you reach a certain age. At 28 the bank, courts, and anyone else have been holding you responsible for your own choices for at least 10 years already.

@@GoJojo-lv6zi Ultimately, the buck stops with the guy because he is responsible for his actions. But shame on the mom for not contributing more and if she guilt trips him. He is a weak man and needs to break free from her and live his own life. And shame on you for blaming me prematurely. And for your own info, making $80k in L.A. is like making $40k anywhere else, so she should be contributing more to her living costs, and the sister should contribute more as well.

@@Jim_Curtis You made sense and then you went back into your feelings again. The buck stops with him. End of story. He needs to take action and stop worrying about guilt trips. When my parents try to guilt trip me I tell them "Sorry, not going to happen." It's that simple. You can shame whoever you want all you want, that doesn't change anything. And it's weird. Honey, I know LA very well. 80K in LA is not "40K anywhere else" -- whatever that is actually supposed to mean. I'll break it down for you: the caller can live with roommates, not have a car note, and cook at home. With those three choices alone, his monthly living expenses are MAYBE $3K total. Monthly: $1.2K rent, $500 phone/utilities, $300 car maintenance/fuel, $200 food, $800 for toiletries, hygiene, misc, etc. With a NET income of around $4.7K+ the caller would not be just getting by. He would have almost $2K of additional income for debt, savings, & retirement.

@@GoJojo-lv6zi You don't know L.A. very well because housing is double there vs the national averages, as well things like gas prices. It has gone up dramatically over the past couple of years.

@@Jim_Curtis I literally live here (in LA). I am currently writing this comment from inside of the studio apartment that I rent in LA. I've been renting this apartment for 3 years. I lived with roommates for another 3. And sub-leased all over the city before that. I drive to work here. I pay for gas here. I pay for insurance, food, utilities, and literally everything else here. I work here. And I've never made 80K/year. I know LA very well. You don't know what you're talking about.

He proudly takes on that role too. It’s creepy. He doesn’t care.

Can we normalize family members takings care of each other? Not all families live a cookie cutter life

@@grod805 Not in America, no. If it's normal elsewhere, go elsewhere. What does "normalizing" things do for anyone apart from the one who wants something "normalized?" Why should everyone else abandon their values and traditions and belief systems so your abnormal behavior "feels normal" to you, even when it isn't normal -- you just begged others to make it feel that way FOR YOU. So, the answer is NO.

If they have an active lease you can’t just kick tenants out. Plus the dad is part owner so keeping the property is a bad idea unless they bought him out which they can’t afford.

She probably guilts him. She’s a pos

What !?

Usually when u get divorced U sell the house and divide the equity. Start over

@@noreenn6976 Yeap. Basic divorce steps

They need to figure out why they only make $2,000 renting a million dollar property in California.

I mean she clearly wasn’t a single mom. Seems like they divorced when the children were fully grown and should’ve been out the house. It’s a cultural issue.

@@leabeauty837 he is laying for her and her kid ma’am. lol western woman.

@@leabeauty837the fatherless culture yes.

@@joesmith3590 That makes no sense, try again in English please.

@@leabeauty837 single mom on child support with hair and makeup business. Walking kevin Samuel’s call lol.

None! :) I am happy for the husband.

You said it perfectly.She is still living like someone who has a husband who takes care of everything financial and she is maintaining her learned helplessness and is not going to let go of it unless forced. She would just let everything fall apart around her thinking someone will rescue her, and so far it is working.