I’m Consumed by Lustful Thoughts (But I’m Happily Married) 

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Preach it!

Yes.

And were human... It Happens to everyone from time to time!

Perfectly said. I hate people who sleep with someone else's wife or girlfriend so my way to control those moments of attraction is by imagining she's married or have a boyfriend that makes me lose interest quickly because I wouldn't hurt another man's heart like that.

Absolutely. Cheating doesn't "just happen". It's a whole bunch of calculated choices that lead to it. Ignoring every warning alarm and continuing to go through with it, anyway.

@@SpaQueenRocks BINGO. “One thing” does not, in fact, “lead to another”

Well, I learned to not have those sparks. So much so that sometimes I completely forget about it altogether. My brain seems to want to try to be attracted to people when it has certain hormones but I was taught a way to control that. I like life this way better imo.

So true

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FAAAAAAAACTS!!!! 💯

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@@zeal4god402 Another handsome young man as well..

Good comment!

100% and thank you ❤

Of course, you’re a woman 😂 🤦

Congratulations. Your ability to be honest with your spouse is awesome but rare.

I want to add that honestly is important but that love is importantly as well. If you can’t share your truth with love and with your partner’s best intentions, then the communication can feel like a dark, endless tunnel. In that way, John’s advice was really good. It wasn’t just about going to his wife and telling her about his thoughts, but it was about cultivating love.

I think Blake needs to put these thoughts on his accountability partner, not his wife. She doesn’t need to know every time he is struggling with this. Her being aware in a general sense that he struggles with lust is appropriate, but him being able to cast his worries about this onto her as the norm is not a good thing. He can tell her what he wants from her, but when life is getting in the way of their intimacy and the struggle wells up in him, accountability partner is where he should look to cast this stuff on.

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..

This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.

You wont regret it

Communication and transparency!

I agree

Eh! It’s overrated 😂 especially if you get it all the time 🙄

It's more threatening to me. I don't trust people. That much WAS learned by me.

I can think of a couple of better ones

​​​@@dabd8175she probably is getting that phrase. I can think of two guys I went on dates with recently who said they wanted to learn about me...wanted to know everything about me. If a guy is interested in dating you they usually want to know about you.

I heard it as “birds will always fly over your head….but you can’t let them build a nest in your hat”. I don’t know who said it either but I thought I was good too.

Interesting. I've heard of it as letting logs/leaves float by on a river. If you try to chase them, you'll drown.

This is a Buddhist ideology. I've been doing Buddhist meditation for about 9 months and it's brought me a tremendous amount of mental and emotional peace.

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Yup! This call is an example of what happens when you marry for reasons other than love

😢so true!.. the fact that she stayed with him and also then married him after he cheated shows me that she most likely has those thoughts of wondering if she’s not good enough for him or always focused on how he’s feeling. Not loving herself. Either things will turn around if he puts in the work or something will probably happen where she will be forced to love herself and choose herself.

Nah we’re men that’s not gonna happen lol. I think communicating with your partner or wife about practicing the lustful thoughts is important though.

@@frankalmanzar3492 lol 😆 . Absolutely 💯 I think each one should be open to hear about eachothers sexual fantasies instead of hiding them. I dont mind exploring as long as theres no involving a third party lol

Thoughts in itself are not dangerous. What you are describing as a technique is a well known common symptom of OCD (-not saying you have OCD) so I would be careful with that as it can make your brain learn that certain thoughts are dangerous and need to be neutralized by other thoughts.

Its the same as with food. Some said even after big meal people feel hungry. It is because the meal had no nutrients, or there were not the important nutrients and witamines, so the body is craving it even after eating. Its the same with love, if you dont feel a intimacy and connection with partner besides the sex, and emotional intimacy, "the type of intimacy" as walking the city holding hands, its not sexual as much but its about intimacy and closenses. Or laughing with partner, having the feeling of importance and safety, hormones of oxytocin serotonin etc.

​@@frankalmanzar3492 plenty of men aren't animals. Stop dumbing down an entire gender

This.

Not uncommon, ever heard that phrase 7 year itch?

@@AbscentOrange I’ve been in locked down for almost 14 years

@@charlesbroderick5030your married?

Why do straight people even get married

Trapped by porn .. but clueless 😂 sad af

I’m convinced this is all men 😂 That’s why pretty girls have to be rude, on purpose.

You hit the nail on the head. He is definitely looking for validation and it’s harming his marriage.

Okay well what should he do then

Sounds obese from his voice, I think you're onto something 😅

​@@sala320get that validation from his wife or leave and get back to the streets

Yeah.... he started to tune out.... he's not a man.... and he is definitely not in love

@@dabd8175 does he handle himself like a man to you ....honey?

Yeah, it feels like a waste of time but I hope we are incorrect.

​@@dabd8175Troll

​@@dabd8175not him

Yep, quite an important detail...

The caller is ‘afraid’ of being a Dad ….

Cause he sounds like the best guy ever ​@@Soton-E

Yup, he’s looking for a reason to run. #1 reason I’ve never had children, you cannot rely on men not to just eff off when they get scared and you need them most.

Oh dang I didn’t even catch that!

He should do her a favor by telling her the truth so she can leave this marriage and find someone who is ready for marriage or actually truly loves her. Cause he doesn’t sound like he does truly love her.

@texas -you totally nailed it

Yep... men's brains have totally melted with all this internet porn and hyper oversexualised expectations... Respect, responsibility and duty have left the building... only me me me, I, I, I...

Terrible advice. Not saying writing things down works either, but 'just stop doing XYZ" is the laziest most judgmental 'advice' ever given.

What does getting closer have to do with lust? lol Those 2 things have nothing to do together. As a matter of fact, intimacy kills lust. If his wife isn't cutting it in the bedroom, she won't change. You don't change a person. He just needs to self-actualise and realize that he can either accept it and fantasize or leave. Those are the only options.

@@ahmorgan If you actually read the entire comment instead of picking at it like a buffet, you’ll notice I advised him to not only stop the destructive behavior but to learn to make love to his wife. Someone with this struggle needs to replace those feelings with real connection and intimacy. How is that not a viable game plan for someone trying to save their marriage?

Just say no.

Damn does it seriously require full time meditation 😂

@@wesurvivedcastledunboy9571 easier said than done.

@@SemekiIzuio- if anything: it requires an open and transparent conversation with your spouse.

@@sweetcanada17 This is the last thing you want to talk about with your spouse. You keep these private thoughts to yourself, with an understanding that you cannot be governed by your sexual desires. That is what keeps the marriage clean, self control, not transparency about who you feel attracted to.

This very point is spot on and spoke to me!

@@hiscanvasofgrace3391 It didn’t help that John didn’t really address his responsibility in the very struggle he called about in the first place. He basically told him he was normal and should lean into his lustful thoughts and share them with his wife so they can create a sex life based on his fantasies. I’m pretty sure that approach has a zero long term success rate.

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The penile horse

Imagine saying that about a woman. Dogs been outta the kennel

​@@Dillonmac96maybe it's a turn of phrase like the cat is out of the bag

@@Dillonmac96 I like having a big horse in my bum

​@@Dillonmac96bitch got empounded. I feel like that works better.

Yup!!!!! Always watch how boys turn it around.. they cant handle when it happens to them!!!! But can dish it out and be man whores ect.

Definitely! I think his issue comes from his own feelings of inadequacy and “needing” external attention and validation to feel good. He doesn’t have that ability within himself at the moment to do that..

Problem with porn is taht even women start to feel nothing toward men..... like the muscular body proabbly starts to become boring Because what people really crave is emotional connection and little surprises as cooking favorite food for partner, or "sending love note" or supporting their careers enjoying time together.

You would probably lose 1 million dollars. Maybe, he’s just a man. And men naturally love beautiful women. The married ones too. The difference is, the ones who know, let it come then let it go. The ones who don’t know, play on their actions. But believe me, this man is no different than the men around you. We all just handle it a little different. Porn isn’t the reason for everything. Hope you know that.

@@TrevorGoodiewhat does this even mean? Men always want more than their wife, and it's just the way it is? But women are just loyal?

😂hey, the first step is admittance. You can turn things around and start trying to make things more fun and loving💛. She might be confused and reluctant at first if that’s not how things have been, but I’m sure shortly after you’ll have a whole new woman in your home.

If you are even decently attractive this is a hard one… when you’re constantly told you’re beautiful it can be a fight with yourself to age gracefully and not make your worth based in your looks

Your worth in being a human and hopefully a decent person. Not made up stuff like beauty or a religious belief. Disaster waiting to happen. Lose your beauty or faith and you are nothing? No, your worth lyes in yourself

@karinland8533 what an interesting thing to say. Whatever compels you to comment against a random person's faith on a RU-vid video? 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ Anyway, have a good one 🫡

@@karinland8533 bingo

@@j.j.923 karin is not commenting "against" your faith, showing how you need to believe in your self worth, not base it on an externality.

I wouldn't want to hear that if I was him. Everyone finds other people attractive

Women who desire a godly loyal man surely do. It's just too depraved in mind of a man for any genuine love and protection. It's not alive in them. "He gave them up to a debased mind..." It's most certainly true.

​@Samantha-ji7iw From one Samantha to another, Amen Sister! The older I get, the more I understand the meaning of our name. God Bless and keep you and yours sister ❤🙏🏽

I don't think he heard it, the caller just kind of mumbled it.

SO MANY women I know have had men that cheat on them while they’re pregnant. WTF?? You’ve been extremely intimate with your marital partner that vowed to love honor and cherish you forever… but, you’re bearing the FRUIT of HIS SEED.. and he suddenly finds you unattractive and a turn off..? Something is VERY WRONG with relationships.. why so many are not marrying or having kids.. don’t blame them. Been a victim of narcissistic abuse. Would never trust a man enough for vows. Those vows are BS to a lot of people, and a LEGAL CONTRACT cannot force a person to love you or be faithful.

@@Kathy-qu8zj💯👏👍 I hate that it’s true.

So many husbands feel trapped almost immediately after getting married. It’s ridiculous. I feel that they don’t want marriage. They want a sex object and a maid.

Its in almost everything...

@@firefly9838 Nothing God can't help. I struggled with all the above, but the more I keep away the better. It's possible. God bless you.

You god people are unbearable

Oh, go stuff it! The young man is doing his best with normal male urges. You can't cram your religious beliefs down anyone's throat.

@@SherryEllesson so if your this man’s wife you want him to have normal (todays normal) of lust?

He was probably surprised because his wife, well..she isn't warm and fuzzy.

@@ZumchoNo, he said that because he wanted it to be “exotic” in his words. John’s told this story before and he said he got excited because his wife’s hand writing usually meant something way more exciting than just French kissing but it ended up being a great, romantic night for them.

Good on you for recognizing that

TELL ME ABOUT IT! Also being childfree and that’s finalized for me personally. 😂

​@@SmileyAdventures I'm not single, but we're childfree fo life!

Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being single or child free as long as it’s something you really want. The problem is it’s when you actually want it but it never happened and now you are trying to convince yourself that this is the way you always wanted your life to be like when deep inside you know it’s not true. I don’t know your case but the actual fact you wrote this comment tells me you wanted to convince yourself again that you’re grateful to be single but probably deep inside you are not. I might be wrong here but for some reason got this impression from your comment 🤷🏻‍♂️ it’s kind of when someone is happy they don’t run around everywhere screaming they are happy because they know it and there’s no need to prove it to anybody neither to themselves. Hopefully you got my idea and again I might be completely wrong here.

@@vladturov3572ok, JD Vance 🙄

@@SmileyAdventures that too! ✌️

Ya. Marriage is for betas.

Even though playing the field is NOT a good thing for anybody, the saddest part.

Exactly 💯 ​@@madelineasmr926

The problem of dating can be also caused by phone and tech addiction, chasing the dopamine. Dr. Anna Lembke explains it well, the phone addiction caused people to seek only pleasure and avoid pain. She wasnt talking about dating, but her knowledge of tech addiction can be applied also to people´s lack of skills caused by addiction and seeking pleasure. But both plesaure and pain are importnat for brain development, and mental health because both are in same place of brain. and "pleasure and pain" are cooperating together You can not have pleasure without pain, they are part of the same brain. We see it with athletes, they seek pain in order to get pleasure, its healthy form of pain. Muscians also seek pain, in order to get pleasure. Both plesaure and pain are rewarded by a dopamine. But the phone addiction makes people think that we should chase only pleasure and avoid commitment and pain, it causes anxiety and deepression, lack of skills etc. If you in dating field chase only pleasure, and avoid the healthy form of pain, healthy commitment, and building a relationships then people get anxious and depressed, because the receptors in brain that are supposed to experience the healthy pain, are not stimulated, and rewarded by dopamine, they are stimulated only with pleasure reward and shallowness. if you stimulate only pleasure reward receptors, it leads to depression and lack of motivation. The brain was developed in order to get pleasure you have to feel little bit of pain and commitment. In sport you have to chase some pain in order to get the dopmanine reward system in healthy way. therefore nothing is never good enough for some people, because thye seek only pleasure.

Anna Lembke said 30 day social media detox...is rewiring the pleasure system in brain. Which increaes your motivation, because you start seeking "healthy pain" like sports, gardening, cooking etc. All the media that makes us believe that we should avoid all pain... and put moisturiser on face and be pampered etc.... Its brainwasghing people... to never expereience a challenges Healthy pain is always bonded with pleasure. You feel good about yourself.

It seems like people who wait with sex for few months.....when starting the relationship they actually experience true attraction, because they see the person´s personality and passion and values. Then also the sexual attraction is bigger, but more in loving ways.

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Orrrr you learn to harness and channel your nature in a way that is beneficial to you and your social environment long-term, rather than be a slave to your own whims and letting everything collapse in their wake for momentary pleasure. ;)

@@liamlynch2115 I don’t think that s every man’s nature but a lot of men . Blaming “self nature “ instead of emotional intelligence will keep a man a victim to himself. It’s like blaming God for his lack of living peacefully. (Assuming you believe. )My first thought was oh,it must be terrible to live trying to fight the way God made you. Maybe I think this way because I’m not a man and just don’t get it. Another part to me thinks God wouldn’t create man with an internal struggle so it has to be self inflicted . My peace I give you. I appreciate your comment because it allowed me to sort through the nature of humanness. Respectfully .

Or don't get married if you're a freak, easy. Plenty of men aren't mindless sociopaths

Let the men speak. You know nothing about a mans journey​@lucianaromulus1408

@@Marc_It_Down stop trying to represent all men when you're clearly the lowest denomination of what a man is. It's always the most degenerate that scream the loudest at how normal it is 😂

The wife can do better. Cheated once and ready to cheat again. He needs to be single and stop using the wife

Good to hear there are still men like you..

A lot of super religious zealot freaks are taught to get married quickly.... obviously, it ain't working!!

Or at all... Not worth it in 2024.

Won't change anything. Dating around won't teach you discipline and self-control. You only learn by practising.

I was with you until that last line. You don't know what the mental hangup stopping the intimacy is, so you can't say whether counseling will work or not. A better statement is counseling ALONE will not work without the person getting personal psycho therapy in conjuction to marriage counseling to address those other issues

Correct. Dead bedroom is untenable and violates the marriage covenant. Instant divorce is warranted.

Can we define dead bedroom ? Because when I had 2 miscarriages I was still sleeping eith my husband once week and he was calling that a dead bedroom ... meanwhile on all levels I was dealing with lose of child

@@lunalou8888 I think Chet is referring to situations like a prior caller on this show-a man whose wife refused to have sex with him for years-even decades. I don’t think he’s referring to once a week sex. That sounds normal and healthy.

@GiftofGod289 well that's what my husband was having a tanty about and calling a dead bedroom so the term dead bedroom seems to be different for everyone and very confusing 😕

Yeah... giving that up was tough for me

I don't get that. I get that he's desperately looking for connections that doesn't exist at home and he's completely beaten down and unhappy. He's looking for reasons, not other people.

Happily married without being kissed for 8 years? I cannot imagine this. Seems more like roommates.

@@PS-qn4oz pretty much. Everything else is so good though. Would I have stayed if I wasn’t a mom? No. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him

@@SarahConnor562 ha! We are comfortable and I wasn’t before lol. My best friend but not lover

@@Michelle-gj7em We just want more for you. Maybe call into the show. :)

I am assuming you have tried to talk to him about it? What is his explanation?

I don't think it's normal for men to have only 1-2 lovers in their life. Probably not good for women either. They're too young for marriage at 19

Thank you!!!! Porn kills love!!!

The stats say otherwise

@@hodgepodgemeh5473 Do you have the stats on how PORN improves Marriages and keeps Families together? If you do, please share.

For all those who have given a thumbs up 👍 to my comment, Thank you! But for the sake of Disclosure, please know that I was not supporting PORN. Not at all. Quite the contrary. I realize Sarcasm should be used sparingly or it confuses some folks.

I read that sarcastically. 😅 Some think it has no cause for lustful thoughts or temptation to arise when consuming that content especially if you’re married. It makes expectations much higher and isn’t fair to the other spouse. Just because some people are willing to share an intimate act for pleasure and are willing to get naked doesn’t mean it’s okay to consume when you have a live person in front of you wanting to be thought of while being intimate yet they can’t satisfy their spouse because they’re consuming and finding pleasure elsewhere. PORN opens a lot of doors for temptation in my opinion.

This is why you can't take cheaters back. Forgive them, but move on because they'll do it again.

We only have 1 side of the story. Maybe he's dead inside because she destroyed him. You would be surprised how many men are like this.

@@ElimEx1no excuse for cheating. If she’s terrible he should leave

@@claudiobeachball I agree. I wasn't condoning the cheating part. But that's not what this call was about. He felt bad that he has impulses which are standard coupled with the fact that he's terribly sad and lonely and miserable and repressed. He really sounds like he has zero hope and that only comes after being beaten down and rejected for a prolonged period of time.

@@ElimEx1 Your sympathy for cheaters is telling of the kind of person you are. If a woman cheated on her husband, would you have the same sentiment? "Maybe she's dead inside because he destroyed her and that is why she feels this way." I highly doubt that.

Sounds obscene. So fantasize about other people while you use your spouse's body. Why not just get a Blow Up Doll. No Morality or Emotions to deal with it then.

Every time I socialize I’m reminded how much I love my partner❤

He can absolutely help himself, he just chooses not to. And if he really couldn't, he should've never proposed 🤷🏿‍♀️

She probably lost her virginity to him, so how is she going to leave? She can't. She's too bonded. Most (normal) women get very attached to their partners after intimacy. Plus, these people sound like the repressed Christian type.

@@bekkaspills With all due respect, are you trying to convince us that every woman remains in a relationship with the man that they lose their virginity to?

I don’t think the marriage will make it that far unfortunately 😢

Me to.

Yeah, there must be someone specifically that he's referring to. Possibly someone he works with or sees at church, sporting events, etc, that has caught his attention. Getting hit on by strangers is very normal and wouldn't prompt a call like this. I think it's a woman he can't get out of his head and now wants to "conquer."

​@uscitizen3252 yesss, and John was onto him, but he didn't admit..ofc he wouldn't want his girlfriend to find out this way

@@uscitizen3252💯

I guess a lot of em seek for validation.

It seems obvious that common sense has left the world about 20 years ago.

@@frummel403 But the comments section is usually full of criticism for whoever called in. LOL

@@PS-qn4oz haha that's true. But we like to judge others as well especially if we can do it anonymously online

@@frummel403 My full name is right there. How is that anonymous? Where’s your full name? I’m not sure if you lack self awareness or intelligence.

That’s what I think too! I asked my husband if this was cheating and he said no. Now I’m pissed at him😮

Y’all are out of touch with reality if you think people walk around not looking at other humans and saying ok that’s an attractive person

@@TroyP20 looking and appreciating one’s beauty is way different than lusting!

@@TroyP20 looking is not the problem. We all find some ppl attractive. Nothing wrong with that. The lustful fantasizing is hurtful and will eventually show up in your relationship. Just a matter of time because there is lack of self control or loyalty . When you love someone there are boundaries. You can’t control what the other person thinks but his/ her level of commitment will be evident on an emotional/ connection level. I wouldn’t do that because I would understand that it would hurt my spouses feelings and that is more important than fantasizing. I may think this way because I’m older and my hormones are driving my actions.

The bible is very clear on that subject and you are 100% correct.

Ofc not, he doesn't flirt so most likely the wife approached him and he settled for the sex but it wasnt what he thought it be or fantized about and never left. Probably thought he wouldnt find better. He never communicated what he wants or doesn't want. When he cheated, again the other woman initiated. No offense but the guys a looser, just letting others do the work and he doesn't pursue his own likes and wants. Probably a passive doormat.

Love isn't based on looks, you can love someone without thinking they are attractive.

Yes seme 💯 what a coward he is

You're not a man, are you? because you wouldn't be saying that. We think about sex every 6 seconds on average.

But so few people wait for the soul mate

@@azimuthbusinesscenter always trust yourself and you don’t have to trust anyone else.

@@lisaaamoun3520 please poop in my mouth

I believe what you need is a psychological evaluation

I take zero issue with my man pooping or farting in front of me. He’s a man. It’s a manly thing to do. As a woman I keep that part of myself private because I’m a lady but why should we care about what our man does? He’s a man. Let him be manly.

: D thanks for the laugh

No man needs to be with another man.

@XPrincess30 said, "seems it's usually men who are thinking of cheating or doing it" Have you taken the time to research legitimate statistics before making this statement? What objective data are you basing this claim upon? Also these men who are having affairs are not having affairs with Rosie Palmer and her five sisters. They are having affairs with other women who by definition are also participating in the affair.

Some expert said the hormone of love oxytocin decreases testosterone. For example if man sleeps in the same room as his new born child, he feels so much love and hormone oxytocin that his testosterone is decreased and also his sexual desire is decreased. Maybe its because the nature want the man to be come protector of the baby and of the family, not constantly make babies, and make sex 24 hours a day. So maybe the intimacy can be challenge, if the sexual desire and testosterone is not 150 percent...when man feel other hormones as oxytocin not just testosterone. But it seems its actually healthy, because he can experience to the fullest....to feel other hormones too, as oxytocin, serotonin etc.

Unfortunately that's why a lot of people are in relationships

They were 16 when they got together. Sadly a lot of young people think marriage is the next step after school. They're kids that never learned how to deal with adult problems. Its likely that neither of them thought of themselves as a catch and were thrilled with settling for each other back then. Then it was habit or some degree of codependency that evolved into a wedding and a mortgage. He has no idea who he is or what he wants. They probably went from homes with their parents taking care of them to essentially parenting each other. No one grasps the fact that marriage takes work and determination. Both of them I think just settled for what they had and thought it would take care of itself. Sounds like he needs to grow up, realizing that just letting life happen to him is not the way to be fulfilled. He should have looked into what a husband's role is before he became one. I would bet that she's mothering him to some extent because he never learned to take care of himself.

Nah he never had it. He settled because he wasn't able to get any. That's what it sounds like because he's being very passive.