I’m Incredibly Lonely (I Don’t Know What to Do) 

I find it incredible that we are billions of people and so many of us feel lonely

She seems like such a lovely woman.

what a sweet old lady

I just read that 51% of people dont even know their neighbor. My prayers will go up for her today.

She should volunteer! That helps so much. Master Gardeners, 4-H, Master Food Preservers, Rotary, AAUW, so many groups!

Poor lady. I feel for her. It’s not too late though! My mom remarried a widow at 63, he passed when she was 81 and now she’s seriously dating another widow at 83. She leaves the house almost every day to meet up with friends for coffee/breakfast. She’s constantly out traveling and seeing the world.

She is a good one! Very strong and capable woman. Reminds me of my great grandmother who was in her 80/90s when I was a kid and took care of me. She was a very strong and independent woman. Sue needs to learn that she gets to decide how to live her life now and it’s totally okay to feel lonely sometimes. Just go do what you want to do, and have fun.

I would be willing to bet that there are a whole lot of people in the same boat as this woman. I'm one of them. Living alone, with physical and mental issues, and no close family, is a challenge.

For older folks who've forged their identity to caring for someone and is now freed of that, it's difficult when they need to re-establish their identity. Hope folks like the caller can find that freedom and joy in her life and not feel guilty

Rather being alone than surrounded by people full of BS

"Why don't you advocate for you the way you do for everyone else?" Some people cannot even conceive of how mind-blowing that statement is! Some people are trained from birth to always consider others needs while introspection is a foreign concept and might as well be space magic.

You’re not alone with anxiety and loneliness, lots of people are. Yup I am around people with the community service I do, I feel that , 50 people in a room, a person can have severe loneliness , hang in there

Wishing Sue comfort and connection in these darker times. It's such a blessing to make it to 70, I hope she can feel the blessing it is and surround herself with people she loves and things she loves to do. It sounds like she's looking for a sense a purpose and belonging that she had all her years caring for her husband and child. When she finds it, it will create those connections that she's yearning for.

I’m never lonely as I've got my existential dread to keep me company all the time. Who needs social interaction when you've got the void staring back at you?

"I moved away from my only family and can't figure out why I'm lonely." I don't have a doctorate in psychology or anything but I think that one is pretty self explanatory.

So what do you do when you can't find deep connection? Where are these mythical groups of women you can go out with twice a week? I know I've been trying to find them, but I can't seem to find other people who have the interest in developing connection. It sounds great in theory, but I think many of us are having a very hard time making things like that come to fruition because it takes two to tango. Right now, I don't even have even crappy friends to schedule things with. No one seems to have time, or at least they don't have the desire to make time. My heart is aching somethin' fierce.

"If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present." ~Lao Tzu

Sue sounds like an incredible and humble woman. Some times humility can go alittle too far, she needs to learn how take a bit of credit and have some pride.

Wow she helped me realize how lonely I am now. In my marriage I find I clean all the time and pace the older my kids get and don’t need me as much. My husband works a lot and enjoys it, he is a great provider, but we don’t spend much time together. When we do, he isn’t emotional. He is more of a narcissist than not and it’s lonely. No other family.

I hope she finally lives the life she deserves, full of happiness and adventure. ❤

It took me decades to realize other people get lonely. I enjoy a rare social engagement with my very small circle, but even those take a lot out of me. I now accept that my enjoying being alone is not the norm, but I genuinely still cannot wrap my head around others actually wanting to be around people all the time; something that would make me truly miserable.

She can visit organizations for mourning family members (I don't know if there's something like that in the States but do some research, maybe there's something alike there), the church, library, museums, cafés, exhibitions or cinema or even to concerts & festivals or even abroad. You can even do some Tiktoks to give younger people some great advice, dear Sue❣️ Never give up❣️😘♥️

Problem is that people that don't think enough of themselves should and people that think too much of themselves shouldn't. This lady has been alive for almost 70 years and doesn't know how great she is.

It’s so hard to build community these days…everyone is so busy working trying to stay afloat in this economy. It also seems that post COVID people forgot how to socialize. Now it’s the loneliness epidemic 😢

Your compassion made me cry, such great advice too!

She sounds like such a sweet & dedicated person. Wishing her the best ❤❤

I completely get her!

I love Sue! Also, nice to hear a topic outside of relationship issues.

John you are a gift, you give such wonderful support

I hope she finds a way to enjoy her many years ahead of her, she deserves it ❤️

Sue sounds so sweet! I wish her the very best in life!

This woman is an angel!!

Dr John you have many followers in South Africa. Great pod cast and extremely helpful. Thank you Richard Cape Town

Being "alone" helped strengthen my relationship with God. I now feel comfort knowing God is with me every day, all day! God is my everything and the only one who will never leave me. I have comfort knowing God will be with me until my last breath. God bless 🙏🙏🙏

This is some of the best advice you have given anyone. Well done.

As a military veteran, I so appreciate the caregivers. I do inpatient case management at the VA, and do the best I can to assist other veterans and families. The most difficult thing is when veterans and families never made plans for what to do if the veteran can no longer take care of themselves safely at home. Every veteran and their families need to have that discussion.

I love this episode so much!!❤

Love the compassion.

I wish her peace. She’s very lovely.

I'm listening and going on 62 very lonely. Me too depression bullying and abusive dad. No esteem to myself.

God Bless you Ms Sue! Please make sure you make it to Alaska, no (more) excuses…and Happy early 70th bday🎉

Live with daughter in Midwest in summer and Florida for winter. Be a snowbird thats what most retirees do.

This made me tear up

Years ago, a lovely elderly widow asked for prayer at our church that she would not be lonely. I started noticing that she went to everything that was going on at the church.

wonderful call

I feel so bad for her. She deserves a great life. Time to live for yourself. Think of you. Make yourself a priority. If not now then when? It would be nice if she called with update on how she’s doing.

I like the caller a lot, she seems like an amazing person. I really hope she's gonna be alright.

Deep profound connection and purpose.

Spot ON advice. These things will make a difference if she will go for it.

This lady reminds me of my omi. I wish I lived in Florida cause I would literally go have lunch with this lady right now. I want to give her the biggest hug

Sue, get involved with CASA, court appointed special advocates. They are advocates for children in the child protection system. They need you! Plus you will meet so many adults like yourself who have a servants heart ❤️

She sounds like a sweetheart. I wish she could find some way to deal with the colder weather (and dealing with arthritis myself I get that) so she could be with her daughter and her family. That seems like a big connection she's missing.

First of all, I would like to thank you Dr John and to an amazing woman, Mrs Sue, who so genuinely told her life story. Mrs Sue is great person who many of us would like to chat with. Dr John, you just gave to this lovely lady a go to plan, baby step bucket list, that can give her extra 10-20 years, and that is so noble. What I would like to add, Mrs Sue, Intelligent woman sometimes do overthink! So therefor, imagine holding yourself in your hands as a baby every morning and ask yourself, what do you want today, everyday. And as an amazing life long caregiver, give to yourself everyday what you want. An “Non-anxious life” is a great must have knowledge treasure, as a day to day life necessity key tools for improvement quality of life❣️

She sounds so sweet😊

I can feel it through the speakers how lonely she is. I hope that she’s able to move closer to her daughter. I think that’s where she needs to be. God bless her.❤

The sweetest woman.

Sending her ((hugs))

Sweet lady but the most depressing part of this video is "you've got 20 years left" 😢 time flies and I'm 41 and this hurts me

I bet she's awesome. Glad she called

She sounds lost. She lost her identity caring for her husband full time. I felt the same being a stay at home mom and then the kids left when adults and i felt so lost

Dont worry your not alone. There are alot of people who are lonely. I think we are living in a time where this is very common. UNFORTUNAETLY

Florida is a lonely place to live for older women. There was no community in my condo building and too many mean girls who monopolized the social scene, excluding other women. The few men available are looking for a “nurse and purse”, among younger women. Oh and nobody talks about death. It’s a bubble of fantasy.

Listening to Sue made me cry. I’m right in line behind her carrying my own pathetic history into the “not so golden” years….

Visit The Villages, there in Florida, hugs! ❤

Sue !!!!! Find a church that goes on mission trips to Africa or South America ! And go there every winter and they can be long extended trips often times church helps ! That way you will give the love you have that feeling you are feeling is because you are. NOT doing what God meant for you to do ! Go to children hospital and spend time with them or icu babies that need to be held and pray over them . There is a lot you can do at your age the word of God says you will be fruitful in your old age ❤

70 years old is not "latter years" but a different chapter.

I worry about this for my mom. She has been a caregiver pretty much her and my father’s marriage because he too is a Vietnam Vet. Of course all us kids help. She’ll make comments like if your father goes before me then I’ll do this whatever fun thing she hopes to do. We tell her mom instead of waiting just do those things now. We’ll help with dad. Her whole identity has been taking care of my dad and putting off any of her interests.

No point walking unless you’re doing it with a little doggie ….😊

I am in the same boat. Extremely lonely but also very independent, have social anxiety and don’t like most people these days.

She has a very nice voice if she has a good reader, she might consider reading volunteering to read for the blind and physically handicapped interstate check with her library and they can get her started I think. I am in reader of those books because I am blind and readers are needed. I would love to hear her voice on a book one of these days. I hope that she chooses the good path and gets to cruise to Alaska someday.

Im lonely as well, im 47 far away from family but I have my son and husband thankfully.

sue....find some single moms. or moms without any family around...and help them!! so many first time or overwhelmed moms would love you to come over and hang out!!

Elder Orphan ( no family, friends) low income, was a caregiver, not religious, health issues etc... This caller lady has family, church, a place to live, friends etc...

She might be able to "pet sit" which is caring for peoples pets when they are away, walking feeding, etc. I know someone who does this. She also makes some money on the side caring for individuals who are partially disabled and need help with their daily affairs.

I’m a 35 year old man in a remarkably similar position to this woman. Maybe we can be friends ❤

This goes to show you that all these I don’t need a man woman are going to be in so much pain in 40 years. It’s just biology

Aww sue is a sweetie

Move back to live near or with daughter and continue snow birding to Florida for winter only if better medical interventions cannot be found to improve health conditions. 🙏

She hasnt got a life partner to grow older with, its that simple. The absence of a significant other breeds depression and lack of excitement/incentive/purpose.

I actually work as the manager for a NPO in South Africa where we specifically focus on people of 60+ We have monthly programs for our members to partake in and cover topics such as physical activities (Gym classes, sport, walking groups, line dancing) volunteer programs at our own organization or specific projects in and around town (soup kitchens/ vulnerable children etc) we offer the home delivery of daily cooked meals, shuttle services to shops, activity groups such as knitting, crafts, various workshops, educational talks, interest groups such as gardening, cooking and wine tasting ☺️🍷 we also offer the opportunity for those that are interested to run or manage some of these activities and i believe it makes such a difference to those that are members of our organization. We are situated in a small town in the Cape Winelands and have about 330 members. Most of them have become like family, find a sense of purpose, found support and direction when they feel lonely in their later years, with our eldest active member being 97. About 60% of them no longer have a spouse. We specifically focus on supporting people over 60y that still live independently at home, which more and more people are opting for (in South Africa at least) Curious - is there such an organization in your area? / Your country?

Go live near her daughter and family and be there for celebrations!>

What mazing lady

Hey Dr. John I like your show, but it makes me feel depressed and shameful and guilty about my own problems. Should I stop watching?

I want to hang out with her! ❤

John was so close but so far away and as someone that has spent my entire life around older people I have no doubt what she really needs is to go find a job. I would suggest she go find a place to work where she can find purpose like maybe working at a crisis pregnancy center or maybe the office of some ministry. Another job is go out and start sharing the gospel with people on the streets and people are much more likely to listen just because she's an older woman. She needs to find something to do that gives her a purpose and going for walks and traveling aren't going to fill that void. She should do that for sure but that's just a small part of learning to enjoy life.

JD, great call. The term is caregiver, not “caretaker”. A caretaker is like a gardener/janitor watching over property.

For god saw man needed a woman and created eve - now to take away hope many suffer loneliness, loss my wife of 13 yrs within 3 mths to cervix cancer 8 1 23 was only 50 thinking it was menopause - when your use to having someone its way much worse being lonely - which is why i think adam ate the apple so not to suffer in paridis alone, n should had said the truth, instead of blaming god for giving him a woman that allowed temptation to tempt her

And for me, when you go on your walk, you have to say "Thank you for.... ."'the flower.the bird chirp. the sand. the rock...... .....Etc. Etc" At least 10 times! Okay?

I'm 30 years younger and still lonely... so, it has nothing to do with age.

I see myself in her 😥 31 years old and please follow up call in a few months 😢❤

Wait if she gets bothered by the cold why would she want to go to Alaska?

Move out of the US for a few months.

Short term solution could be to get a pet. Long term would be to find a new purpose.

John Delonely, just a couple letters away

Call the cops on people for no reason. Go to shopping plazas and confront people who might break a policy.

Imagine wanting to live close to that humid cesspool called Florida😂

You need family. That’s why you built it. Doing that work then not enjoying it, is pointless. Arthritis drugs are much better now. She’d rather have you with her. That’s why we have family. Snow is hard, but missing them, and everyday sadness is also hard. You have to pick your hard. Being involved with those boys right now, to pass on your wisdom, is critical. They need to know about your husband.

Men suck it up and deal with it. Also Jesus is always with you.

I had the same problem. I got myself a rescue dog who has filled my life with joy and love. I talk to him often. I find humans are mean and nasty. I miss my hubby dearly but I have accepted my life at the age of 67. I read and research a lot. I listen to Podcasts and study the Word of God. Knowing that I am going home soon gives me my blessed hope.

This lady sounds nice