I drank heavily for many years and didn't see the damage that it was doing to my marriage, my wife, and my son. Unfortunately it took my wife and son moving to another state for me to realize I had a problem. I lost a year and a half on my son's life as a result of my selfish choices. I've been sober for 8 years after quitting cold turkey and I'm doing so much better in all areas of my life. My son has moved back to my city and we've rebuilt our relationship. I own a townhome and a 1979 El Camino, both of which I have my dad to thank for. I have an amazing job that pays well and I actually like going to work. If you're struggling with addiction don't try to beat it alone. Reach out for help. You can overcome it and live your best life possible.
Congratulations on staying sober. What kind of help did you get? My husband is going through this and I don’t know what is the best kind of help for him. I don’t want to lose my marriage and I don’t want to lose him.
I remember when I got my wisdom teeth out when I was 17 and I got some Vicodin for pain. I clearly remember the warm feeling of how this incredible medicine could fix all the brokenness inside of me.
No wonder Dr. House M.D. was so addicted ... though it was just TV, I had always wondered about what he's feeling when he abused it (I've never taken one)
Same situation except it gave me a warped reality that was scary. I felt alien in my own body. I remember wondering how people could like and get addicted to that feeling. But I guess people react differently to controlled substances.
Yeah man, that stuff is heroin. I’ve had it too. They do not need to perscribe ANY of that stuff, and they know it’s addicting. You should watch the hulu show “dopesick” - it’s about the actual doctor that got addicted to that crap.
Nope wrong. People drink and do drugs because it feels like it fixes something broken inside them. It’s not an escape from reality. It fixes the brokenness so they can cope with reality.
You are so right. I was a heavy social drinker in my 20s to escape and not deal with a breakup. Reality was still there and reality caught up with me to with a DUI. I straightened my life up after that, and that also meant dealing with something that was painfully emotional, while also dealing the fact that I was the reason the relationship failed. Life has improved 10 fold and I’m forever grateful that I took charge of my life before alcohol lead me down a path of despair and regret. I still drink socially today, but I no longer drink to numb feelings anymore.
I drank for six years It was fun till it wasnt Meeting random women at bars Alot.of people pop pills and drink booze which is very risky Getting invited to parties Woke up at 3am pizz soaked on on my sofa Being sober is great
I’m a substance abuse RN, and abruptly quitting drinking after such a long time can be dangerous! People often die during the detox if they don’t have medical help!
I got pretty sick even with medical intervention. I was on a drip, had infusions and I was still going through it. Thankfully Im almost a year sober now
@zachschwartz1586 John's not my God so whether he'd agree with me is irrelevant. But I don't think it's just a heart problem either. Sometimes yes but there are great people with great hearts that are enslaved to alcohol (and sometimes they don't even know it themselves). With the little benefit that it brings to society (a social lubricant is about all I can think of) there's so much damage. From a cost benefit analysis there's no justification for it except that people don't want to give up their vices. You can't convince me that those of us who don't drink alcohol are in any way hindered by the lack of consumption. Yet every single person who does partake is in some small way or another damaged by it.
@zachschwartz1586 John's not my God so it's not that important whether he agrees with me. From a cost benefit analysis there's no way you can say that alcohol is a net positive for society. The only reason we hang onto it is because we hate letting go of our vices.
Same. The healing cant start until the drinks stop. Trust me, i did it for 17 years. Please enroll in AA, its the direction youll need. If you dont like one, try another, each is different. If wont go in person, search AA Meetings online, there is a HUB with meetings 24 hours a day. Another thing, Your wife can not be the one to take you through the program or heal you. You must find another MAN. Best of Luck. Do it before you lose everything and everyone you love or even your Life . Best of luck
John's approach bothers me. He doesn't want to listen to the person tell him how they are feeling, he wants to tell them how they feel. This is the second time listening that i felt he was pushing things that weren't maybe true with the caller. I'm not sure his approach would work with me. I had a great therapist who would make me see things in a different way but not tell me how I felt. Maybe it's just me 🤷
I agree with you so much. He just wants to hear that he is right. And I feel like the caller agrees with him either to shut him up or because they don’t really know how they feel and they trust John as the expert. John fills in the blanks way too much and has confirmation bias. It seems like he rarely truly listens to the callers.
It’s not just you. Well said. He literally interrupted with, I DON’T CARE to her. Said they probably can’t afford therapy. What if this was the Ramsey show?? And what of the online/app for therapy JD used to promote and give?
It’s just because he’s on a time crunch, if he had more time he would ask the person to tell them how they are feeling but in this case on the phone he asks and it’s up to the caller to be honest. John doesn’t care. He would rather help you than be right in his guesses the whole time. Some of Delony’s best calls are when the caller pushes back in his initial assessment and they actually get down to the root problem and nail it on the head! If the caller chooses not to be honest with Delony that’s on them!
@@stephaniec5215If they were on the Ramsey show it would be no different Dave would tell them to figure it out. Counseling and saving the marriage is more important than the baby steps. The logistics of having to drive 45 mins to Lubbock is probably a huge pain in the butt but it’s worth it if it saves their marriage and that’s what Delony’s point was. The “I don’t care” wasn’t mean, it was passionate and I’m taking all of your excuses away.
Counselling can cost a lot of money. AA works as well because those sober alcoholics in AA walk along side of you. You can talk to them as they know what you are going through. ❤️🇨🇦
Just an aside to the brave and cherished farmer - all my love to YOU! We have roundup in our wine - here in the wino country - it makes you crazy and sick. Take good care of your health.
This reminded me of the song by Blake Shelton “When Somebody Knows You That Well”, particularly the second verse. It’s worth taking a listen to as a reminder of how differently these situations can be met more with compassion when there is self reflection and grace from both sides. Easier said than done obviously. Proud of them both for making progress so far, but they are going to need to continue to work together with love and grace to get the results they are looking for.
This was about so much more than drinking -- we are all having to adjust to changing lives. We need each other, we need help, we need to work with ourselves, we need God's help for all of it. Thank you John.
Man, I tell you, most of these calls where the women call in ready to leave their husbands have backstories similar to this, and the women rarely understand why. Men who have the duty of taking care of their families crumble like this when they experience loss after loss and don’t have community they can be real with.
They are hesitant about having a therapist. They should both go to AA anonymous and she needs free services. They can’t afford therapy. AA services are free and helpful
I agree they have no money. This advice is a pipe dream. The woman married a drunk and had 3 kids to learn the same. The man keeps giving her kids so she don't leave. EXTREMELY COMMON WITH DRUNKS. My uncle trapped my aunt with 5 kids lol. This guys dad probably drank he drinks and his kids will learn it. She'll make sure of it just to say she has a husband.
I think we can give my man a pass on this one. Dude lost his farm and his dad in a short time. 4 generations on his shoulders and she wonders why he drinks? That man lost his pride, theres no amount of talking that will fix that.
I hope Kyle will know that in reality, these things were taken from him through no fault of his own. His wife better strap up and get that fact down. Marriage requires that compassion.
Really suprised he didn’t recommend Alanon (12 step for family and friends of people who drink) to help HER. He has his own path, and her trying to school him through it is Not going to work.
Whew this episode wrecked me. I’ve been both people in that relationship. Such valuable information. I hope they go to alanon and a twelve step program.
His book on "How to Quit Smoking" was great! A non-smoker long time now :) Applies to drugs, and suprisingly letting go of certain unhealthy people too. Alcohol, is like inviting an "NPD" into your life and relationships. IMO.
@@suziesmith9076 I will get back with you for a longer answer, life is busy :) 90% Choice , the other 10% will be the physical, like unto a flu, and we heal, but first it sucks. One of his examples I adopted was, Be sadistic when it comes to knowing that demon is dying and needing supply to remain. I found a dark side of humor to my personality. lol. I would imagine a lot of the same advice in the original comment: "Quit Drinking Without Willpower by Allen Carr." Pick AG-rc2np brain. Worth the Google! Best Gift I ever recieved, and used, and gave many away since. Don't let something control you, that has no care of your health and well being. :)
Dude's lost his mission in life and the lady lost repect for him. Dude will find his purpose in life again, but I don't think she will every repect him.
A year and a half ago, I started going to therapy. Learned pretty quickly to write things down and keep a journal nearby. One night I got drunk in my apartment and decided to write down why I do it. I bluntly wrote “I drink to feel warm inside”. Next morning rolls around and I read that sentence and it scared to crap out of me. I quit for 2 months before I decided to drink again. I do drink from time to time, however I don’t allow it in my apartment anymore. Completely changed the dynamic of drinking for me
There was thankfully never any drinking in our home. Though I can relate to some of this. I give Kyle credit for picking himself and moving on. My dad is also a farmer, but he would give up if the farm was taken away from him. We have also kind of been through some similar things with a grandmother/dad's mother.
No offense, but his wife sounds so unsupportive and I'm going through the same thing rn. Lost my whole livelihood, drinking got worse and now the love of my life can barely stand me.
The wife proudly goes "mhmm" when he says anger, got a feeling theres another factor in the drinking, what does she do for her family? What has she lost? And i drank daily alone for no reason, maybe a guy cracking beers when he mows the lawn and grills isnt as big of a deal as she makes it, whether it is or not she has no compassion or respect left, let her leave and improve yourself
Who do you call when the professor lies? Who do you call when the doctor gives you poison? Who do you call when the police are the criminals? Who do you call when the judge takes a bribe? No one, because no one cares about you. We are all completely alone. This life is heaven.
