I Emailed My Doctor 133 Times: The Crisis In the British Healthcare System 

I don't usually ask directly but this time, PATREON.COM/PHILOSOPHYTUBE! A phenomenal amount of effort went into making this, the crew and I worked so hard, and if you want more in-depth fully researched content like this then crowdfunding is how it happens! ❤

I'm in the US. My wife was bleeding out slowly, it was like a period that would never end. We didn't know what was going on, just that she was getting weaker and her abdomen was swelling. She wasn't pregnant (we are both female, cis lesbians) and it wasnt making sense. We would take her to the hospital but they would make sure she was stable as required by law and that's it. No tests, no MRIs, just "she's not going to drop dead right now so send her home, it's just dramatic woman stuff" The state of Tennessee where we lived opened up a healthcare lottery. They literally would announce a phone number to call on the news once in a while and if you were lucky enough to get through, you could have the pleasure of paying hundreds a month for state private insurance. One day, I got through, and she got health care. Turns out she had a tumor the size of a nerf football on her ovary and it had to be removed immediately. I was so scared she would die. We split up shortly after she got better, but I'll never forget how scared for her life and angry I was at society for allowing this. Healthcare should be a right, and when we have it, we should all be treated with dignity and taken seriously as any cis white guy would.

The fact that, it part 9, abigail repeatedly asks “were you abused as a child” in almost the same way in the same tone each time is bone-chilling. Great performance.

To paraphrase a famous AIDS activist protest signage on the back of their jacket: “If transphobia kills me - forget burial - just drop my body on the steps of Congress.”

I'm a CIS woman who for unknown reasons only developed one breast during puberty. This obviously caused me significant mental distress. I finally went to my doctor about it, was seen by a local specialist, scheduled to see another specialist at a plastic surgery hospital in another trust, missed this appointment due to public transport issues, had a rescheduled appointment, then received my surgery. This all occured within the space of four months, and the only thing I paid for was public transport to get me to my appointments. They have the resources, they just don't want to give them to trans people.

"waiting for someone else's permission to live the rest of your life" as a chronically ill person, this is exactly what the wait to for diagnosis felt like. Dying until they told me otherwise.

Abigail: “You have a legal right to receive health care within 18 weeks.” Everyone who’s ever tried to get NHS mental health support: “wait, what!!!!?????”

Her delivery of "as a human being, i have a strong preference for my own survival" is devastating

And yet I was under the idea that it was too easy to receive this type of healthcare. Misinformation is one hell of a drug.

I haven’t seen anyone mention the fact that Ms. Abigail is dressed similarly to Amelia Earhart, which hit me pretty hard. People have found that she survived the crash and even was able to send out messages on a radio- which were dismissed as false alarms and then only heard by people who could do nothing

im a trans man living in scotland. i went to my gp to be referred to sandyford gender clinic. i was referred in october 2018. it is now april 2023, and i havent had a word. no letter, nothing. i asked to go when i was 14, and i am now almost 19 years old. my puberty is done. it was the wrong one, and i am so, so fucking angry. my family cannot afford private care. i had to choose between getting top surgery or going to university and having my flat. ive attempted twice, and my gp did not care. all he said was “we cannot move you on the waiting list” when i came in on an emergency appointment after my second suicide attempt. people die on the waiting list. transmascs cannot do DIY without extreme risk. people are DYING. I ALMOST DIED. and the nhs doesnt care enough to save us.

I'm not trans, but I am childfree, and I have been trying for the past 4 years to get a referral for sterilization. There really is nothing so infantilizing as being told by a fellow adult that you don't know your own mind.

My maternity Doctor (who turned out to be the one who decapitated a baby in Ninewells in Dundee) was really really pushing for a natural birth. I was high risk and terrified. I saw a different doctor one day, a beautiful English black lady, who took one look at my chart and my anxious face, picked up the phone saying, "if you wsnt a c section, we'll get you a section." Bish bash bosh. There were a number of things that could have spelled disaster for me, my son ir us both. Hes 5 now ❤

“A little technique in business philosophy called lying” This quote is my favourite.

US Texan here. I have had a harder time getting testosterone WITH AN ACTIVE PRESCRIPTION than stimulant ADHD medication, which is in a more restrictive legal category (though I don't approve of the restrictions on ADHD meds either). I've joked about it being a "Voight-Kampff test" to pick up my meds because I feel like I have to prove my worth every time. And when my pharmacy ran out of T despite knowing my dosage schedule, I had to go through weeks of mood instability and physical pain. I was told to contact another pharmacy. They had some and were only a short drive away. But then the pharmacist's tone changed. He told me that he couldn't give me the medication because of the legal restrictions on testosterone, and I could hear in his voice that he KNEW he was being legally compelled to do harm. I won't say it hurt him more than me, since he wasn't the one deprived of the only mental health medication that's ever worked for them, but he didn't just sound disappointed-he sounded _guilty._ He was the only one in the entire process who seemed to understand that I didn't just want this as a nice-to-have like my favorite cereal, it is a crucial piece of my function. The rest ranged from confused to blustering to condescending. Decriminalizing testosterone is a human health issue. My medical care should not be diminished and restricted because of sports doping.

I'm about as trad, stereotypical male as they come. I was a paratrooper. I coach boxing. I smoke cigars and drink whiskey. And it is STILL beyond me why there's such cruelty towards trans folk. It's just none of anyone else's business. Why would it be? Why would you get in somebody's way when they're trying to get where they're convinced they belong? It's no whiskers off their chins. I know it happens, I've seen it. But it seems like a lot of work to be that evil. When I was in the Army, we used to say that the Army prefers to "solve" the complainer, rather than solving the problem. This looks similar.

I’m in australia and I told my GP I was non-binary in an appointment for something else. A few months later I asked for a referral for top surgery and she was like “well, this obviously isn’t a new thing for you, sure thing.” And then I saw a plastic surgeon half a year later to get top surgery about a year later. A long wait but he was going on holiday for 2 months and was quite busy. No red tape, they believed me to start with, just a wait because he was very good. I didn’t even need to be on testosterone to have it. And my chest looks great.

Dehumanizing a group is the easiest way to establish and maintain bias, fear and hatred. Its frustrating to have to share your pain publicly, but putting a human face on trans issues seems to be the only way to break through to so much of the public and elicit some actual empathy. I saw an interview with a hard right politician who actually supports the trans community, and he said that he changed his mind after volunteering on a suicide hotline and talking (for the first time) with some trans people in crisis. Thank you for sharing your personal story. It means so much.

My white whale was getting my university to stop deadnaming me (even though I legally changed my name partway through the process - they still managed to screw it up). Months of emails and meetings (with everyone from the student-run LGBT outreach to the dean's office) later, they added a tiny little button to the student portal to add a preferred name which would appear everywhere a legal name wasn't required. Even if I leave no other legacy in this world, at least I gave it that button.

Im a 19 years old French cis men. One of my best frisnds is a 16 years old trans boy. I have, because of education and personal experience, a hard time understanding trans people. Your videos make me a better trans ally, a better friend for who I consider my little brother, and inspire me to (quite unintuitivaly) become a better male role model for everyone around me, which also implies being more open and understand better the diversity of human perception and diversity. So, tldr, thanks for making me a better person, Mrs Abigail Thorn.

Not trans but this is particularly cathartic to rewatch today, as I contemplate trying to get treated for chronic disease in the us as a fat woman. I have been told three times by the same doctor to go on a diet despite already being in the diet before she ever met me. Currently saving a binder full of PDFs for actual treatment to take with me next appt. It's so exhausting and I really feel the pain Abby is in despite the difference in specific issue.

As an NHS doctor I just want to say how profoundly sorry I am that we are failing you and so many other people right now. To be honest, it fills me with deep shame and rage. Shame because of having to represent this brutality and because I know how much better it could be. Rage because of the indifference and ignorance of so many of my colleagues and bosses and because of how powerless I can feel. I have to own that I thought it was a resource issue. Of course I’ve seen the bigotry, and I agreed that ultimately it shouldn’t be pathologised but rather seen as a part of life that sometimes requires medical support, like pregnancy and labour or ageing. I still think that mental health problems are often entangled with being trans, for obvious socio-political and psychological reasons, and I think a role for a doctor to support for those who need it. However I don’t think I realised how much I relied on the resource problem as a screen to hide the fact that the system functions as it does, and as you say, that isn’t to help trans people. Thank you for putting forward such an elegant and personal argument for an alternative better system. You’ve really made a masterpiece of this form that you’ve created. I’ll be sharing this with people I know in GD services.

The part about using hypothetical regret as a reason to bar people from medical care really resonated with me. I'm a cis woman who has known for a while that she does not and will never want to be pregnant. Over three years ago I went to an OB/GYN about getting my tubes tied, who said "oh we don't like to do that for women under 30" (I was 26). Then I went to another OB/GYN who agreed to make the referral. Then the referral was denied by her hospital network for "religious reasons" because they're funded by Catholics. So she had to convince them it was "medically necessary." Then the referral was approved. Then the surgery center that I would be going to also had to approve the procedure, because they were also in the same Catholic-run network. So a committee had to review it, and that took weeks. Then it went to another committee. Which kept reviewing it. Every time I called, the answer was always "oh, we should have it finalized in a day or two." This also went on for weeks. Eventually we gave up on them entirely and went with a different hospital to schedule the procedure. I don't know how long I would have been waiting otherwise. At the hospital on the day of my surgery, less than a month ago, the anesthesiologist himself said I was "too young" to get this kind of procedure. THEN, afterwards, when I told my mother what I'd had done, the biggest complaint she had was "But what if you regret it some day???" At every step of the process there was someone, either explicitly or implicitly, telling me that I didn't *really* want this thing I was trying so hard for. That the potential regret I might MAYBE feel about not being able to pop out a baby someday was more important than my desires for bodily autonomy, independence, and peace of mind. And I live in a US state which is one of the most accommodating and protective towards reproductive rights. What I went through is so comparatively easy to what you, Abigail, and so many others have and are enduring. It's awful. I wish people would stop thinking they know better than us what we should be doing with our bodies. It would be a lot better for everyone if they did.

I am the mother of a trans man in Canada. Getting him on testosterone when he was 16 was so quick and easy that it actually was a bit concerning to me. Just because it seemed like such a big change. The only criteria was that you identified and lived as that gender for at least 6 months. That's it. Top surgery is also fully covered. I believe bottom surgery is also covered, but there are limited places to get it done, so it would involve travel, but that's it, it's no big deal. Getting his name and gender changed was easy peasy, no doctor required. Nobody has ever given him a hard time about it. All the doctors and schools, when I tell them his pronouns, just respect it and move on, like it's no big deal (because it is no big deal). We're so lucky here.

As a disabled Australian person, the "strategic inefficiency" part resonated so much with me. This sounds like trying to get essential health and welfare services from Centerlink and NDIS Providers. They want their service users to die on the waiting list so they don't have to help anyone.

Women in my family suffer from Endometriosis- my mom has wanted a surgery for years. Every Doctor said she needed her husband to agree - and to have had children. She'd had two, and my Father's full support- there was still pushback telling her she'd "regret" it. No one outside of the person asking should enter into these choices. We all stand to benefit when we demand that people are granted autonomy and respect for their wellbeing and their bodies.

as a trade union organiser, the phrase “strategic inefficiency” hits down to my BONES. i swear that half of my job is just fielding wilfully incompetent and/or unresponsive HR and managers, when all im usually doing is asking them to abide by the legal document that they (in part) negotiated and AGREED TO ADOPT. it’s not difficult to not treat your workers like shit, especially when you have a hundred plus page long document detailing exactly how to respect their rights and entitlements.

Three years ago a friend kept trying to get an appointment. After months of trying he was so concerned about how he felt, he went to A&E. They told him he had cancer and would have had a chance to survive if it had been found three months earlier. He died.

"They ask you questions." I remember my first visit to the Los Angeles Gender Clinic some time back in 2003. I was there to see the therapist whose role would be to evaluate me and then sign off on the documentation my endocrinologist would need to prescribe me estradiol. The therapist was a trans woman herself and I thought this meant she would be even more sympathetic, it was the reason I chose the Los Angeles Gender Clinic in the first place. Instead, she took half a session before looking me in the eyes and telling me that she did not feel I was a woman but that I should be happy since "gender is a spectrum" and I would find my place on that spectrum at some point. I had been too honest about my androgyny, too honest about my masculinity, too honest in general. It felt like a betrayal because the decision came from another trans woman. Fortunately, that sense of betrayal motivated me to find someone else and I did. My one true gender therapist wound up being a whipsmart and hilarious bisexual man who enjoyed crossdressing on the weekends. Not only did he understand that I could be androgynous or non-feminine and still be a trans woman, but he also empathized when I told him I did not want to do the 'Year of Full Time' we used to have to do before going on hormones because I saw no point in going through some arbitrary gauntlet as a prerequisite for treatment, and that I wanted to jump to hormones as soon as possible. He respected the honesty and he listened. I had those little blue pills within three months, bottom surgery one year after that (a different story involving a tense confrontation with a Thai psychologist who accepted bottles of whiskey as bribes), all as a gender non-conforming trans woman and butch lesbian at a time when the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care were still broadly in use. I cannot fathom why, almost twenty years after that time, anyone is still being subjected to the kind of Kafkaesque bureaucracy described in this video. Even more baffling is that it seems to be even MORE difficult to access treatment than it once had been. How justifiably maddening.

I'm sorry I hate GP's with a passion. I went in with an inner ear infection, listed my symptoms with my father present. They said no, that I just had an inch in my ear and to come back in a weeks time. Next week, its gotten worse, my ear has swollen up, they told me I was still wrong and that it was only an outer ear infection. Gave me a perscription. It was a wrong persription. That perscription was not in use for the last decade, it did not exsist. Had to wait 3-5 days to get the correct prescription. Surprise, it did nothing. We went back to the GP, my dad furious has a go at the doctor tells him I have a clear inner ear infection. That then GP denied any of the symptoms I descripbed in the 1st session. Saying none of them were in the notes that he recorded. Blantant lies. My ear drums burst, and one collapsed I now rely on hearing aids. My dad drove me to A&E crying hes eyes out, I had obviously passed out and was just bleeding out of my ears. My dad feared a brain annerum or something awful. It's GP's that are the issue, my care with Audiology has been amazing. My treatment in A&E was 10/10 when my ears burst. They just refuse to help you, say your overdramatic or wrong or your making it up for attention. The fact, trans people experience this during the most important part of their life is ridicious. I lost my hearing, they are essientially denying trans people from becoming their true self, which can lead to suicide :(

Double decker trains. 🥰 Sorry, I got distracted by trains again. I had no idea that trans healthcare was so bad in the NHS. This video was great.

i am a trans teenager, i live in tennessee and it's horrible. for those not aware, tennessee has banned all forms of HRT and gender affirming surgery for transgender people, and is currently trying to pass a law allowing trans people to be denied healthcare just for being trans. i am absolutely terrified. literally nobody is talking about it, i haven't even seen fellow trans people talk about how horrifying and deadly these laws are. thankfully, for me my parents are absolutely amazing and very supportive, and i will hopefully be moving to massachusetts (one of the safest states in the US for lgbtqia+ individuals) this summer for mine and my older sibling's safety. i can't even imagine how horrible it must've been for the trans people in tennessee that were forced to stop taking hormones. my heart goes out to any and all trans or non binary individuals struggling with transitioning and healthcare. thank you so much for making this video. even though i do not live in the UK, i am glad that i am now informed on this topic, and it helped me feel a lot less alone in what i am going through in my state. thank you

This is why the Trans Law that we just got passed here in Spain is so, so important. Complete right to gender self-determination that eliminates the need for Gap's permission to access care or change your gender in official documents such as ID and passport. Hope UK follows the same path...

Am an Eastern European student in England and, as my country is very poor, was expecting the NHS to be miles better than our health service. How wrong I was! I’m chronically ill and have been constantly sick throughout my time in the UK, and not once has a doctor agreed to see me in person. They’ve also repeatedly prescribed me the wrong medication over the phone, once damaging my liver. None of my phone calls with my GP have been over 4 minutes. Once when I was in incredible pain, and waited TEN HOURS overnight in A&E without being seen once. There were simply no doctors available the entire night. Ended up just leaving in tears. Insane!

American Texan here, I started medically transitioning when I was 15. My process was super easy because I went through informed consent with the support of my parents, and I was able to start hormones 2 months after my initial appointment. The fact that it was easier for me, a trans minor living in a red state, to get access to trans healthcare than it is for an adult trans person in a country with universal healthcare, is so incredibly sad and frustrating. My heart goes out to my trans siblings living in the UK. I may live across the pond, but I will fight with you in any way I can.

The questionnaire that I had to fill out before my first gender clinic appointment was horrific. A question from it that I have always remembered is “do you like to perform sexually as a woman?”. It took me a good while to realise what they were asking was if I receive during sex. I was like gee thanks for that extra shot of dysphoria guys, I totally needed to be told the way I have sex makes me a woman by the people who get to decide if I am allowed to transition or if I die. 🙃

My partner is not trans, but does have numerous chronic health issues that leave her permanently, invisibly, disabled. So much of the rage in this video maps onto her experiences trying to secure care here in the US. I was unaware of this facet of Ahmed's work, and need to check it out immediately. Thanks so much for helping me find words and structures to help my partner and I articulate this utterly shitty system and circumstance.

I was a child when I first went to my GP. My mum accompanied me, she cried the whole appointment about how unfair it was for her to 'lose her child' like this. I got referred to CAMHS who in turn referred me to the child gender clinic in my area. My dad would not allow me to socially transition until the people at the gender clinic said it was the right thing to do. When I did finally get my first appointment at the gender clinic, they could do nothing for me except family therapy (which was yet another traumatic part to this journey) as I was already 17 and as a minor you need to be on puberty blockers for a year before they can prescribe hormones to 'make sure' you're not lying about being trans. I turned 18 and I waited. I had to angrily email the child gender clinic to refer me to the adult services, they said they 'forgot'. Luckily they backdated my referral and I got an appointment 8 months after I turned 18. I had to go through a humiliating first assessment and a further interrogation at later dates about my sex life, the doctor who referred me for hormones and surgery told me to lose weight to get better top surgery results. I was discharged merely a year since my first appointment. I only had three very short conversations with the doctor in charge of my care. All in all my journey is a short one in comparison to those who have had to wait years and years and years for even a glimpse of contact with this transmedicalist notion of a diagnosis of 'gender dysphoria' (which I also lied about to check boxes to get access to the care I so desperately needed). This does not lessen the fact that I have severe trauma from these instances described as well as those I have omitted. The system needs to change. Now. For every trans person's sake.

As someone who as a part of an internship in 2015 and, called up low-paid NHS workers to understand the impact of cuts, it''s deeply upsetting that the issues I heard then have only aggregated over time. Everything about this video is incredible, thank you so much for everything you put into this.

As a transmasc person that started accessing trans healthcare in 2015, all of this is completely spot on. I finished my medical transition (as much as I wanted) last year. I did both NHS and private healthcare simultaneously as that felt like the only way to get treatment. I ended up starting testosterone and getting top surgery privately. And I was 'fast-tracked' through the system because I went to the children's gender services beforehand. My doctor did the same thing Abigail's did, with the 'come back in a month', then referring me to mental health services first. I was also asked EVERY SINGLE INAPPROPRIATE QUESTION Abigail mentioned within the video within the CHILDREN'S SERVICE IN FRONT OF MY TRANSPHOBIC MOTHER. This absolutely hit the nail on the head. Thank you.

Dear Abigail. I'm a cis computer science teacher (bad pun joke comes to mind, but it's not the place or the moment) from Uruguay, South America. I'm really, really glad I found your channel, your work is marvelous, eye opening, and enlightning. I'm planning to translate your subtitles to spanish so that I can use some of your work in class (I hope you don't mind) the transhumanism episode is just an amazing tool to make those kids reflect on the relationship we humans have with technology. But this episode shoke me to my core. This year I finally had the privilege to have a coworker who is tragender, and now I understand their life and struggles much better. Also, I see that health systems (public or otherwise) are badly designed everywhere, and that, in that aspect, between the UK and Uruguay the difference may be one of size rather than development. Best of wishes for you.

I’m a cis(?) lesbian living in the US, but my girlfriend is currently recovering from gender conformation surgery, a surgery that had been pushed back three times even after my girlfriend had gone through so many hoops with no financial or emotional support from family. Watching this video made me think of how even despite all the hurdles and suffering she has gone through, she’s still one of the lucky ones. Abigail, I’ve been watching you for a long time, even before you started making “The Show”, when you were finishing up your masters degree and your videos were usually no more than twenty minutes long, if that. I’ve always loved your content and this video is by far your magnum opus. You should be very proud of what all you’ve accomplished and all the lives you have touched through the content you’ve made and will continue to make. I haven’t become a Patron yet due to not being in a secure enough place financially to do so, though the thought had crossed my mind many times before. This video won me over though and I’ll go make an account now. Thank you for doing what you do.

I had a scottish GP tell me you dont treat ADHD in adults, you just learn how to live with it. Honestly no idea how GPs have a near-100k median and yet nurses are the knowledgable and reliable professionals. Disgrace.

I decided to have my tubes removed because I don't ever want kids. And since I don't have any kids already, I had to explain this to my doctors, surgeon and health insurance company, sign waivers, and had to endure a nonnegotiable wait time (for no other reason than to assure them that "I wouldn't regret it later") just to have my own fallopian tubes removed. I had to petition a bunch of strangers for control of my own body. At age 36. The medical gatekeeping has gotten so out of control!

The use of Catch 22 and portraying yourself as the Yossarian as the only sane one in the insane system was such a poignant way of getting across this point. Beautiful work Abby

for those wondering as of the 16th of january 2023 the court case against the NHS's waiting times she brought up was unfortuntly ruled to be totally legal despite no other treatments having similar wait times

im a trans guy who went on the waiting list last October. i felt like i was 'different' in high school, at 16. im now 20. last year i thought that the best way to rush the progress would be to take the biggest knife i have in my house and manually try and remove my own uterus. i just want to stop feeling the pain. the pain of my body being a constant reminder that i was stuck in a body that made me feel gross and uncomfortable. my family luckily has accepted me, except my sister-in-law who deadnames and makes my nieces do it to. {my brother is in the process of divorce/getting the kids} i hate that i have to wait for some phone call while im sat here bleeding from a part of my body i do not want. i just want to feel like me. and thank you for sharing your experience it has told me what i should expect from the system that fails us. (Update [4 months or so later]) I'm still waiting for the phone call. So now its been over a year. My sister-in-law has started calling me by my chosen name. I still am uncomfortable and disgusted with my own body, but i can ignore it a bit better now. {Update! (Year or so later)} my sister in law has been annoying and causing issues. I'm 21 now .. and still nothing from the gender clinic. So at this point I've been waiting 2 years.

I know this is an old video but I do want to put my experience here, anyway. I'm a transgirl who transitioned at 13, but I came out at 8. My mother went to the GP and he said there was "nothing we could do" and that until I was old enough to "make this decision myself" it would look too much like my mother had somehow coerced me into transitioning as a child, so he refused to do anything, and as an 8 year old, what the hell else could i do? I buried it, cried and suffered in silence, not knowing the words I needed to know like "I'm transgender" as my GP had told my mother to not say anything to me, as I must reach a "conclusion" on my own, even though I already clearly had. It wasn't until I was 13 that I finally learnt the word transgender, and saw a transwoman on youtube, and it all finally clicked and made sense, I was so *so* happy to have seen someone, anyone feel the way I had for so long. I came out immediately to my closest friends, and then my family, and that monday morning we went to a new GP, who then immediately ALSO refused to refer me. It took months of discussions, and appointments until he finally let me be referred (after stating they had no "budget" to do so...) But only to CAMHS, a mental health organisation, who upon my first appointment with I had to explain to my therapist WHAT A TRANS PERSON WAS. I was forced to have a year of therapy under CAMHS before they would "allow" me to be referred on to the Gender clinic. When that finally happened, it took YEARS. I finally was allowed testosterone blockers at 16, when much of the changes had already taken place, and no one cared. 10 years on, I'm much happier and fully transitioned, but the NHS needs drastic reform for the care of it's transgender patients. GP's MUST be taught some basic knowledge. If my first GP had been - my time on this earth could have been much happier, easier and fulfilling for me - and many others who have been in my situation. The mistreatment we face is pointless and unnecessary, and I really hope I live to see a time where there is great change one day.

this is such a difficult video to watch. as a trans man from Poland living in the UK, I feel the pain of being treated like a patient of a second, maybe third category while here. I've been refused nurse appointments to get my T shot done because my medication and diagnosis are "foreign", or because they didn't believe I was trans, or if they agreed to book me an appointment, I'd have to wait 3 weeks... I take injections every 2 weeks. In the end I was forced to learn to do my injections myself, using youtube tutorials, getting my needle supply from boots, because they used to give them for free to the addicts, but a pharmacy wouldn't sell then to me without a prescription. Then, I've been refused testosterone prescriptions. I've been here for 4 years and all my testosterone supply, I got it from Poland. When I couldn't travel to Poland this past year, I simply run out of T a few months ago and couldn't do anything about it. May I remind you, I come from Poland. Notoriously known for being one of the most lgbtbphobic countries in Europe. And yet, I feel safer and more respected by the medical professionals and can actually get stuff done there, even if not everyone is knowledgeable and there are some judgemental donkeys. UK healthcare system and how trans people get treated on top of that is so damn backwards.

I waited three years for an autism diagnosis because of the NHS. I'm underage, and I went to CAHMS, who are ran by the NHS, where they realized I had symptoms of autism. She referred me into the part of CAHMS meant to assess for autism, ADHD, ect. I complained twice, personally, to my school counselor who sped thing up. And I still waited two years through CAHMS. Then, after two awful years of waiting they moved me into Healios, who diagnosed me after I'd been waiting for three years with no answer. Over a zoom call. Where they made me, a fourteen year old, read a book about flying frogs. The assessment was blatantly made for children. They also made me pretend to brush my teeth, tell a story using random objects, literally the most stupid thing I could imagine. You might think this is inconsequential, but in those three years I developed an eating disorder, self harming, and living with no actual answer to why I was the way I was with no help or therapy (Which I'm yet to get) was fucking horrible, because the NHS, especially CAHMS is collapsing.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!? They seriously ask you “how do you masterbate?”!!!?? And “what do you think about when you masterbate?”!!??!!?.. THAT IS BEYOND UNCALLED FOR!!! How humiliating! Ugh, I am so sorry to anyone who has had to go through being asked those questions just to get healthcare😡 1:10:38

im 17 and transmasc nonbinary. the fact that i will have to lie when i finally am able to access treatment-the waiting list for a first appointment at my local gender clinic is currently two years-really hit me when abigail repeated “were you abused as a child?”. i was. my dad already uses this as one of the potential reasons why i am not actually trans, and have just been “brainwashed by the left”, as well as the fact that i am autistic. this is a really important video

I'm a trans woman in Alaska. I signed myself up with a gender clinic, had my first appointment within 2 weeks, and started hormones 2 weeks later. I was expecting to go through hell but I've run into absolutely no barriers. I am super grateful

I am a trans woman who works in the NHS as a clinical educator, which means that I train mental health professionals how to treat depression, anxiety, and a variety of other common mental health problems. One of our training days is on working with LGBT people, and of course this is the one I'm always tasked to lead. I find it an incredible struggle to communicate in that one day the enormity of the atrocity of our experiences with the NHS. How we are probably coming to a mental health service with zero good expectations because of how we will have been treated elsewhere in the system. How absolutely vital it is for their patients to feel, for once in their lives, that somebody is truly on their side. As I revamp the training this year, I will probably quote your video repeatedly, because you have put so much of this horror into terms that are so clear and understandable that I think even the cis trainees will understand. So I just have to say thank you for all the fighting and the effort you have put in, and I hope you know that you will be making real, tangible differences to the way things work.

That little bit, towards the end..."survivor's guilt" is where I rationally understood the overwhelming guilty feeling I had carried through the period towards the end of when I stopped taking my HRT years ago. For years I struggled with that guilt and trying to walk through the corners of my "soul" to understand it. I have recently restarted my HRT, in hopes that the ghosts of my trans siblings rest in power yet. May we all become bioluminescent for those who lose sight in the darkness of this life.

I'm a transmasc human living in the US. I got lucky, and just barely turned 18 before trans Healthcare for minors was completely banned in my state. I am currently fighting to keep access to my life saving hormones, considering setting up addresses in other states with better laws, looking into stuff through planned parenthood, etc. Even now, it's hard for me to get hormones when I go home from college, as I have to go through my doctor to change my prescription pickup location, because testosterone is apparently a controlled substance. My college has long breaks. I weep for my trans siblings who are less fortunate than I, and I urge everyone with a voice to use it.

I want to talk about how dysphoria is pushed upon us so much by literally everyone. For nearly 4 years, I refused to believe me own realisation that I was a trans woman. Purely because I didn't "feel" dysphoria. The truth of the matter was that I was 30. I hadn't felt much of anything for over ten years. I had bottled up so much ugly feeling about myself, just to survive. Cut to 3-4 years later. I decide "fuck it, I know HRT doesn't make permanent changes for months so why not try it". Of course, I can't go to my GP because that means I have to argue that I've got this feeling I don't feel. So I order the exact same HRT medication for cis women from an online pharmacy. 4 weeks later I have it, a round yellow disc with 28 tiny blue tablets. I take one and the instant sob of relief and happiness breaks the walls of the emotional barrier I have been holding up for over a decade. At that moment, I experienced "gender euphoria". I was on my way to finally, finally getting the body I wanted. A year later? I get my first bra in the post and with trepidation put it on, it fits! So I throw on the biggest hoody and go to the shops, I get back and as soon as I close the door I begin crying tears of joy. I can imagine that within the NHS system, there are no questions like "When you first put on a bra, how happy did it make you feel?" If they did, they would get more honest answers and a better insight our lives. Would much rather informed consent though!

The whole video I was thinking "Oh wow, this sounds so much like my experiences with disability/mental health/being aneurotypical" and then at 1 hour and 15 minutes you pull out that book and I shouted "Yes." out-loud. Thank you so much for this video. I'm sorry that things are as they are, I hope all of us can work to make a world that allows for infinite variety, infinite "kinds" of human beings, where we can all have our health cared for by our health care. Thank you.

The nhs refuse to operate on the herniated discs is my neck leaving me almost entirely bed ridden for the last 15 years. This op is done everyday in the US and has fairly quick recovery time. I’m in permanent relentless agony. It’s ruined my life. I’m utterly miserable. The system is absolutely broken. 😞

My daughter has been on the Tavistock waiting list for the past 3 years ( she is now 16 ). I thought that waiting for the NHS lists was the correct thing to do. I cried when I saw your empowered and heartfelt explanation of the 3 things that can be done to manage during the wait. As I write this I am already working out my next shouting steps to get my daughter the first appointment she deserves. I never knew about the 18 week aspect of the NHS. Probably going to be waiting longer anyway but at least I will feel less like a failure of a parent for being British and being used to waiting. Thank you for this incredibly important, beautifully presented and wonderful service that you are providing and for the guidance you have given me.

I'm an administrator who has about 7 years experience working in the NHS. Its been exhausting. I know we are failing patients and it hurts. I know that my distress doesn't make patients feel better and is not important in the grand scheme of things. I moved into the private health sector 6 weeks ago and the contrast is so stark. I make more money as a secretary now than middle managers make in the NHS and my working conditions are better. I love the NHS but until the government intervenes and makes conditions better I have no intention of going back. I'm by no means the only one. The NHS will continue to bleed experienced staff until it collapses or something changes. I hope change happens. I hope I can go back without wanting to kill myself.

I'm a medical student who is probably going to end up working for the NHS (if it's still around by that time) and this video has just inspired me so much to learn more about trans healthcare and reinforced my desire to make sure that trans people get the healthcare that they deserve which is the bare fucking minimum that most doctors seem to not understand. And i know that i'm only one person out of thousands that are going to be doctors but i hope that i will be of some help in the future

the line "Given that human beings can change sex, do you want to?" was the thing that finally cracked my egg a few months ago. Thanks, Abby.

I like how "I'm not aware of there being a higher authority" can also be taken to mean "there is no god". How fucking poetic

This is beyond amazing. It doesn't just apply to trans people. As an, albeit very small example by comparison, when I first told my GP I felt anxious and depressed they simply told me to "try using a sauna".

Saudi Arabian here with a ton of chronic illnesses. When you talked about how long and exhausting it was to finally get an appointment, I felt that in my core. Nine years I've spent in and out of hospitals, and I would never wish for the sort of suffering that comes out of doctors not being able to do their job properly on my worst enemy. I have endometriosis. It's bad. Some doctors wouldn't give me BC because I'm too young and other types of BC caused horrible reactions to my other illnesses. They won't perform surgery on me because I'm too young, and a virgin, and what if I want kids? One doctor straight up told me "You can live without pain but you can't live without children", refusing to perform surgery on me. The other times I met her, instead of figuring out my BC was causing me horrible side effects, she said my sickness is my fault and she said it's in my head. Let's not even begin to talk about how bad therapists and psychiatrists are. I've been to over 5 therapists and only 1 was good. One of them told me I'm too young to have depression and it's just hormones. I have chronic migraines that render me blind on my worst days. I need to take botox injections, and they not only require loads of money (even with insurance) but they also take a long ass time. One time I was in the hospital from 1-6, writhing in pain, throwing up, but the doctor decided he would not see me because his working hours were over. It took my mom screaming at upper management (and a potential lawsuit) for the doctor to give me my injections. Last time I went, I had to visit 2 different hospital firms to get the injections. I was outside from 9-10 just to get my stupid injections. Being sick, physically or mentally, is not a fun time. I'm sorry your doctors were like that during your journey. We as patients deserve better.

When I went to see my family doctor to tell her I was trans, she gave me the same answer : wait a month and come back to tell me if you're still trans by then, and also booked me an appointment to a psychologist. A month later I came back, told her I was still trans (what a surprise) and she emailed the closest clinic and told me that they would call me back in a week or two. It has been 4 years... they never called me back and they never answered when I called them....

I'm a trans girl who came out at age 15 and has been on an NHS waiting list for over 4 years, during which I got so distressed I dropped out of sixth form and became a recluse, blocking the state of my body and the world from my mind as much as possible, unable to work, too uncomfortable with my voice to make phone calls, hiding from mirrors, losing sleep over the thought of my hair falling out or my body generally becoming more masculine-looking, with seemingly no way of stopping it on the horizon. I'm really not sure I'd be here today if not for meeting my partner, who's been unbelievably kind helping me to go private and slowly crawl out of that dark place. Everyone I've explained my situation to irl has been stunned. It's crazy to me how so few people are aware of such a countrywide disaster just because they aren't the ones impacted. It doesn't get around enough. I cried a lot watching this video, but it's because it made me feel more seen than anything else I've ever encountered. Thank you so much!!

Holy shit it is so validating to hear someone argue that "gender dysphoria" does not necessarily come with being trans. In my early 20s I struggled to define myself, not being happy with my body but not wanting in any way to transition. I think this is the first time I've heard someone argue that the two don't have to come as a pair.

I'm a trans guy from NZ and I have been 9 months so far just to be referred to a gender clinic which is stressful, but whats even worse is that the doctors did not believe me for 10 YEARS that I was physically suffering and in pain. Since I was 10 (I'm 20 now) I had been experiencing chronic knee pains that was hindering my mobility. It got worse as the years went by and I was never believed and got called lazy. It got to the point where at 19 I had to start using a CANE to get around that I was starting to be believed. They FINALLY decided to refer me to a specialist. The waiting list to actually see this specialist is at minimum 1.5 years. They deemed my case as not urgent. I can barely walk around on my own, I struggle to stand up from sitting down and vice versa. Before all this I wanted to be an Olympic sprinter (I used to do very serious training for this as a kid) and when at 14 I had to quit because my body could no longer handle it, I attempted at ending my life 3 times. To this day I'm miserable about it because I can't do what people my age are doing not to mention juggling gender dysphoria on top of that. I really hate the medical system sometimes, I just want to live my life.

I'm cis man in Chile. I know some trans people. I empathize a lot. I learned about all of this like 8 years ago, when I was 23. Honestly. Thank you for the quality content, the way you put yourself forward for us to learn. It doesn't impact me in any direct way. I'm not british, nor trans. But I feel since I've encountered your channel, I have had so much to think, to reflect, to look and humble upon. It helps a lot to, as you said, squat over the mirror and look onto my own.... ideology. I can't thank you enough for this video, for your effort. I sincerely hope for you and everyone the best. I will try to keep all these lessons with me to give my own grain of sand to the world when it comes to trans rights and more. Again. Thank you for this.

1:04:00 yup. In computer engineering, we have a term for this sort of system, where any single delayed or incorrect result might kill someone or destroy something expensive. We call them "hard real time". "Real time" meaning that the system needs to keep a schedule, and "hard" meaning that the schedule must be met without any exception whatsoever. I think it's safe to say that the NHS is "hard real time", given both the statutory 18-week limit and the fact that people die waiting for it. In a hard real time system, ONE single failure doesn't merely raise suspicion - it PROVES that there is a MAJOR problem. A competent system designer would take such a failure, and launch a detailed investigation to determine how the failure happened, in order to fix the system. The fact that the NHS has failed a single such deadline ever, should warrant immediate drastic action at every level. The fact that such failures are routine, is an outright abandonment of duty.

I've been in this exact same trap of NHS suffering for over 15 YEARS. This is the first time I've ever heard anyone explain the same issues, and the absolute, inconceivable impossibility of trying to make any progress whatsoever. 15 years ago, I of course had no expectations at all that it would be a simple or easy process, but I was in absolute agony from dysphoria. Getting a formal diagnosis was in itself a great struggle, but once I had that piece of paper in my hands, I thought the rest would be easier from there. The naïve fool I was. I met my local GP, with my formal dysphoria diagnosis in hand, hoping for hormones and surgery. She openly told me she "didn't agree" with trans people; she wouldn't prescribe me hormones and made me come back for appointment after appointment for months to "prove that I was dedicated", saying horrible, openly transphobic things to me and asking me invasive questions while I was there, all while I ALREADY HAD a formal dysphoria diagnosis- and I have to stress that this GP wasn't a gender specialist, just a local GP. It was nothing less than an intentionally cruel and humiliating ordeal in the obvious hope that I would just give up and go away. After months of enduring this I asked how long they anticipated the waiting list for surgery to be, only to be told that they had not yet even put me on the waiting list at all, and they had no intentions of doing so. They said that if I wanted surgery, I should go private. The worst thing of all though; along with obstructing any hormones/surgery, she refused to sign anything that would allow me to update my ID documents, and because of that, I was unable to join any other GP practice. She knew that was the position she was putting me in, leaving me trapped, and she just didn't care. Private was not remotely within my means, it would be thousands of pounds and I was living in poverty. So, I had no choice but to keep going back to that GP and desperately trying to get them to either sign the ID document so I could go to another practice, or else give me any sort of healthcare for my dysphoria, any kind, whatever would relieve the agony. She would do neither. She'd cut appointments short, lying to my face that she had an ill child to see; I waited outside the room and three large men came in and left in succession- No child in sight, it was a lie. These things went on and on. Any argument that GPs don't have the time or budget to treat trans patients is completely crushed by the sheer amount of time she wasted on all of this, and for what? Just to obstruct me, for no conceivable reason other than that she "didn't agree" with trans people? Out of some stubborn determination to see me give up so that she would 'win' in some twisted regard? I moved all over England during those years with a binder-full of evidence explaining the situation and the difficulty with my ID, but no GP would let me register without the proper ID document. I went through an endless stream of different people, only to be told that no-one knew how to deal with my problem so they would just endlessly pass me to someone else. Talk about Catch 22, I was living in an endless Catch 22 and there was nothing I could do to get out of it. Without ID I also couldn't live a normal adult life of any kind, couldn't buy alcohol, couldn't get jobs, you name it. It was just complete cruelty and there was no way to win. FIFTEEN YEARS I went through not having any GP at all, with NO HEALTHCARE of any kind. Eventually I went down with a serious health issue that needed treatment, and I still couldn't get anyone to see me. I was ill for weeks and was getting worse and worse, genuinely aware that the outcome might be that I would just die, and in the end, it was only because I finally managed to get hold of a sympathetic woman on the 111 helpline who somehow pulled some strings for me that I was able to get a one-off "emergency appointment" with a local GP. It was only because of her that I was able to get a blood test and the medication I needed. Otherwise, what? I was expected to just go die? I have struggled constantly against wanting to end it the whole time, and it has been so very clear that the doctors would not have cared if that was the outcome. Worse than indifference, it seemed very much that was what they actively WANTED, for me to just die and not be their problem anymore. Over the last fifteen years the policies and rules seem to have changed enough that I was FINALLY able to register with a local GP as a full patient a few months ago. But at this point, I am honestly terrified of being anywhere near doctors. They've made it clear that they'd rather I disappeared, and I can't trust them, I'm actively afraid of them. I still have intense, agonising dysphoria, and I still want surgery, but I'm so afraid of the doctors at this point that I don't know how to make progress. How the hell could I trust being under the knife of people who so evidently want me dead? My mental health is, at this point, completely shot. It's clear from your video that things have not improved, and I don't think I have the energy to try to fight the battle all over again. I'm sorry about the huge rant, I'm just getting it off my chest I guess. But thank you for actually sharing your experience and talking about this issue. It's the first time I've heard anyone describe this and what it's like. I've tried to explain it to other people but if they haven't been through it, they just don't understand. It is so unbelievable to live through, never mind to hear about. And, like you say, it is so isolating; I really thought I must be the only person having this much difficulty, that I must be stupid or the fault must lie with me somewhere. You've done me an immense service just to have this video to point to, to say to people "This is exactly what I've been talking about! I'm not the only one!" If there really are so many thousands of others that are in the same position as I have been in, then I'm sure there are many others who have ended up in similar Catch 22 situations that led to the complete denial of healthcare and deaths will have resulted directly from it. it is nothing but callous and outright murder on the part of the NHS. Thank you for this video.

As an American, I cannot speak to anything NHS related. But I very much understand the ✨distress✨due to the healthcare system. My problems have mostly arisen from male doctors denying my AFAB self care. From ignoring obvious diagnoses to blaming all of my problems on my weight and claiming that weight loss was the cure for all my ills. I admire your tenacity and perseverance. I can tell how much emotional, mental, and physical energy you have had to expend. Edit: I’d like share a quote from Jo Goodwin Parker in her essay “What is Poverty?” I think it applies here. “Listen to me. Listen without pity. I cannot use your pity. Listen with understanding…Look at us with an angry heart, anger that will help you help me. Anger that will let you tell of me.”

THIS IS IT I'VE FINALLY FOUND IT THE FIRST VIDEO ABOUT TRANS PEOPLE THAT WHEN YOU HIT NEWEST ON THE COMMENT SECTION ISN'T A BUNCH OF TRANSPHOBES HOW DID YOU DO IT THIS IS INCREDIBLE

Keeping that “99% of gender-confirming surgery has positive patient outcomes/satisfaction” in my pocket forever. In Western medical school, Australia in my case but I was raised in the Canadian healthcare system, (typically middle-aged white) surgeons LOVE to tout that hip and knee replacements have THE highest patient satisfaction rate. spoilers, neither of them are anywhere near 99%. The fact that the study quoted was a meta-analysis is amazing, it literally could not have a higher evidence level, and just shows how out of touch the healthcare leaders of today are. Thank you so much for this video, it was really enlightening.

Thank you - as a senior NHS leader that has been the most humiliating and simultaneously enlightening and motivating analysis and critique of our failings - I now know how to do better to deliver the NHS core job of providing health care to all not just sickness management

Bit late to this vid but it breaks my heart. I'm a cis gender healthcare assistant working in a GP surgery. It's very difficult to speak to my GP colleagues, many dont have the time, care, or even interest in trans care, or even women's health, its especially notable in the older generation of doctors they seem to have lost most of their "caring" side. . . Ive always said if I stop caring then I need to leave the NHS.

Another thing I hate about the "they might regret it" argument is that it implies trans people decide with a snap of their fingers that they want this surgery which in my experience with trans people is not the case as it's a very personal and emotional thing that a lot of thought goes into.

What stuck out to me most in this video is around 1:20:00 when Abi says that when she finally got the phone call, it didn't make her feel happy and excited like she expected it to. I've known I was trans since I was fourteen and been out since I was fifteen. My parents, though accepting on a surface level, do not take my transition seriously. It took my dad a long time to even change the name for me in his phone. Medical transition is out of the question for them. I've had to stop swimming, stop working out, stop singing in choir, stop talking as much, because it causes me too much emotional distress. We once scheduled an appointment with an informed consent clinic, and I talked with a doctor who believed I was trans without interrogation. She sent my parents the forms to put me on testosterone. It was a mistake to get my hopes up, to believe that they would ever sign them. Now, I am seventeen years old. I turn eighteen in April. I plan on returning to that clinic and getting the treatment that I have needed for so long. I should be excited, I should be looking forward to this. But I'm not. I'm just tired. The world, and the medical system in particular, has such a special way of beating the joy out of us, don't they?

On Endometriosis, my cousin had been suffering with abdominal and back pain for months, some days completely unable to move or eat. My Aunt was convinced it was endometriosis, and suggested to the gp they do the procedure to check which involves inflating the tummy and looking with a camera. The gp refused to give the go ahead for this procedure saying 'oh it won't be that' 3 separate times, instead prescribing pain killers and telling my cousin to change her diet. Finally, after half a fucking year, and multiple cancelled surgeries, my cousin got the laparoscopy, and surprise surprise she has endometriosis, my Aunt was right from the beginning.

It’s not nearly the same as the uniquely intense experience of being trans without adequate (or infact as shown, any) treatment but to share my own experience, I was promised psychiatric care for ptsd following a violent crime that left me pregnant, the treatment was supposed to help me make a safe and supported decision about abortion care, my baby is 5 years old now and I’m still waiting for my first appointment. My best friend is still waiting for her first appointment for postpartum psychiatric care, they took her baby away 9 months ago because of intrusive thoughts she was having and she is waiting for a court ordered psychiatric evaluation for reunification, despite a judge saying they had no grounds for removal, she had to wait for nhs psychiatric care on a waiting list just to be able to hold her son in a room alone. These delays are catastrophic and I don’t think people can envision the devastation it is causing. All that time to no doubt get a doctor who says things like “I don’t believe in x condition” or “is x condition the latest trend or something? No. I’ve diagnosed that too many times this week?” Or “I know you had the same symptoms when you were 100lbs soaking wet but could this all be caused by how fat and ugly you are?” I feel more equipped to start applying pressure having watched this video Abigail, I had accepted that I just didn’t deserve to feel better, accepted hiding at home instead of pursuing recovery but I see now that it’s not a favour or an opportunity, it’s a right that I need to insist on. Thankyou for the time you’ve taken to produce this content for us, see you over on patreon!

As a disabled nonbinary person I loved how you used the, very accurate, description of how abled people try and (not) view us in the context of dysphoria and trans existence. It's painful how much it matches but what a great way to put it for others. Beautiful video, thank you so much for making it!

The part where you talked about the emotional tole that this experience had on you really touched a nerve. I was bullied continuesly between ages 8-14, with little to no intervention from the adults in charge. I got to a point where I would go home every day, enter my room every day, throw my bag on the floor everday, throw myself on the bed and cry into my pillow for an hour every day for years. Those feelings of anger, insult, bitterness, hatered really burn you from the inside out. They were traumatising and have caused a lasting psychological damage that took years to undo. And while I imagine you're probably better equipted to proccess them as an adult than I was as a child - the injustice you have to face is also greater than school yard bullying. The one thing I would advice you to do don't blame yourself for having them. They are not a moral failiure on your part. They don't reflect on you as a person. To quote Victor Frenkle's "A Man's Search of Meaning" (highly recommend): "An abnormal response to an abnormal situation is normal". You don't owe it to anyone to have a normal response to this. And, to paraphrase my favorite philosopher: Being compassionate and rational are great virtues, in a healthy situation they will shine. But here they are turned against you. When this bad system is torn down, and the injustice it is causing gets resolved, then you can spend some time being compationate towards the people who upheld this system. Right now - your vitues are better spent elsewhere.

I am enby (i live in Germany) and i have come to a point where it is just easier to play a woman and pretend i am not a stranger to myself than to get health care. For medical reasons i can't bind so i just bury myself under a mountain of clothing. I make myself strange through historical dress and other social oddities, so the first thing people perceive about me is wierdness rather than femininity. I have gotten to a point where most people in my life use my chosen name when in front of me, treating it as a nickname, but i know that i will have to keep explaining why i don't use my legal name for the forseeable future. Even so, most people in my life don't believe me when i speak about my identity or think that it ought not to be a big deal, that i should be fine as long as i never act on it. That the worriesome thing would be if i got surgery rather than if i spent my life pretending not to be trans. And i have to say, it's easier to give up. Do i feel like an alien inhabiting an unfamiliar host when contemplating my body? Yes. Does it make me uncomfortable when people refer to me as female? Also yes. The thing is, my family thinks I'm "fixed" because I stopped talking about my transness. That i have come to terms with the inevitability of being stuck in a body that is not mine and having other people project an identity on me that i do not have. But i am not. The out of pretending not to be trans, not to care does not lead anywhere. I won't stop being me just because I ignore how i feel. I wish cis people understood the effect that 'just deal with it' has.

I'm a woman who has never been believed for my pain. I got into an OBGYN for my ovarian pain, but due to my body not showing anything on any horomone tests (can happen, albeit rarely), I needed a transvaginal ultrasound. I'm a tiny woman with an extremely low pain tolerance, so that was a no go. I still can't get diagnosed with anything, and thus I can't get a hysterectomy, even if I'm in pain nearly every time I ovulate. This isn't even mentioning my mental struggles. I can't get medications for insomnia because no one believes I have insomnia even if I have the symptoms and stuff that usually causes insomnia like depression and anxiety. And I haven't been able to get diagnosed with autism bcs of my fear from my last psychiatrist where he refused to even ask ME, the PATIENT, how the meds felt to me. The healthcare system is a bunch of bullshit usually

I'm actually a psychologist who has worked for three years in a gender clinic (although not in the UK, but the system here is very similar) and I can confirm that everything explained in the video is true and that it's very frustrating from the inside as well. There are a lot of good people trying to change for good and to push informed consent, but it is an uphill battle against a system that is very resistent to change... From what little power I had I always tried to make the path as easy and comfortable as possible for my patients, but it's very difficult when you have to interface with the legal system as well, that is much less flexible. Anyway, the video is excellent as always and it made me cry.

I'm a trans man from Germany. First time went to a doctor specialised in sexual medicine as it is called in Germany when I was 16 and that man told me I sure wasn't trans* for I had long hair back in time. I was devastated and traumatised after that experience cause I questioned my whole existence. In the following years I watched several friends transition and always had one laughing and one crying eye. I was happy for them to be able to transition, I was also feeling more and more pressured into feeling being "not trans enough" since that f*ckhead back in the days had told me so and it stuck with me. Over the past three and a half years I have visited the most kind therapist I ever met. I, of course, was too scared to come out to her. Until Octobre this year. When I burned my whole lower belly up to the third degree. She straight up asked me, if all the body dysphoria I had shown over the time she'd already known me and couldn't find a cause for, came in fact from me being trans*. And I was bawling my eyes out, cause it felt like someone had opened the cell I had been imprisoned in for 13 years by that f*ckhead doctor back in the days. But in Germany noone really gives you a guide to transition. You'll have to find out yourself. And it will break your heart. My therapist might not even be able to help me transitioning. Because she is "only" a therapist, not specialised in "sexuality issues". In fact I might need to find a new doctor, an actual psychiatrist, who will have to also recognize me as being trans* "for real". After 3 months that person could be nice enough to give me an indication paper to getting testosterone. With that paper I'll need to find a specialist who is allowed to actually give me the testosterone. Easily another year or one and a half of waiting - just to get my first injection. Not to forget the German law on transsexuality requires me to live as a man, using male gendered toilets etc., while still looking like a very feminine woman - big breasts no binder is able to contain and everything. It''s very well possible that I will have to wait several years till I will get surgery to at least get my breasts and womb removed. Which I would be fine with. I'm not even pleading for a penis. Also to change my persona legally I will have to go to court, financing two appraisers who again have to confirm me being trans* by questions such as "are you into sexual intercourse with children/animals?", just to give an example that is pretty shocking, and also the court of course - which will cost up to 3000€. Unless Germany will change the law. Which they intend on, at least regarding the legal persona changes, but probably won't get through parliament. Not to begin with me being severely traumatised by an unwanted pregnancy noone helped me abort so there is now a 9 year old kid living with my parents who has to carry the burden of a deeply traumatised parent who isn't able to love it... And in all honesty: I don't know how much longer I can take all of this. It's scary. It's hurtful. It's life draining. The only thing keeping me on track right now is the few beautiful hearted people who already know me as Caelan and are accepting and supportive. But can they really help me carry the whole burden for long enough? This question scares the living hell out of me. I am sorry, I just threw all my frustration out here. But I don't know where to take these thoughts.

Non-binary Canadian here. When I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria, I was asked a few simple questions. "What do you identify as?" "What are your pronouns?" "What is your name?" That's it. That's all it took for the specialist I was seeing to believe me. After that, it was "What are your goals in transition?" and we started discussing those. I was shocked it was so simple, and they just said "Anyone in this field should believe what their patient tells them." I feel so lucky to have had such a good experience. I haven't been able to transition yet, due to living with and relying on very transphobic family, but I will be moving out soon and will finally be able to start my transition, and my life. I feel like that's what the role of a specialist should be. Not a gatekeeper, but a guide, there to help you figure out and reach your goals and support your on your journey. But they also shouldn't be the only route available, considering how brutal the waiting lists can be. GP's should also be able to do something. Prescribe hormones, refer you to surgeons, all normal things for a GP in cis people, and trans people aren't that different.

Abigail- I'm a trans teen that currently lives in a US red state so you can imagine the struggle to get ANY type of healthcare, especially trans healthcare. I've seen so many of my queer peers hurt and die around me and seeing a trans adult living and thriving despite the many people against the very idea of us means everything to me. Thank you for being here.

Your example about C-sections says a lot to me about how we often make medical practice decisions about our social and economic values rather than medical evidence. During almost the same period in the U.S., C-sections were on the rise because of our beliefs in intervention focused care and the financial incentives that we have put in place to support those beliefs. Many people who have births after having a C-section were routinely discouraged from attempting a vaginal birth. It has taken a lot of advocacy for more thoughtful assessment of the use of C-sections and the risks of a VBAC (vaginal birth after a C-section). The paternalistic nature of health care provided to people with any minoritized identity is profoundly frustrating.

Hi, I'm a programmer with an affinity for very long socks...you connect the dots This video has been an emotional ride for sure. I felt your drive, your anger, your despair, and your maniacal laughter to the core. I've made the mistake of not lying. I thought I had found a professional and that I could get a professional's opinion on my thoughts and feelings on the matter, including my fears. I was hoping for unbiased help to work through this. Instead I was repeatedly asked whether I wanted to be penetrated. Eventually I angrily yelled back "it's not about that" and only then I realized that the diagnostics criteria is self-serving. I didn't get the diagnosis that I need so I can play by the rules. Instead, I was referred to a clinic that will deny my feelings (based on reviews by other patients). I declined, which was seen as me being non-cooperative. I was diagnosed with depression shortly after. Noone told me I wasn't sad enough to be depressed. Noone told me whether I had tried having sex differently, maybe I enjoy it more. Everyone immediately encouraged me to look into antidepressants, too. The kicker was that when I was referred to a psychiatrist I was given instructions on what to tell them. I was being prepped to withhold some truths and embellish others, so that I'll get the medication I supposedly need. I decided against antidepressants, but no shade meant to anyone who relies on them. I know the issues I'm facing, and I know they are not cured by antidepressants. I'm not certain I will (medically) transition, but this journey has been the best decision I made for myself in a long time.

As a cisgender woman who suffers from adenomyossi that could be sorted by a hysterectomy - a. it took 7 years for GPs to acknowledge my pain and investigate, leading to my diagnosis and b. having doctors refusing hysterectomy treatment due to my age and “i might want to change my mind”. So it’s not just gender affirming care, the whole NHS is collapsing and patients are struggling as a result

Your section on dysphoria helps explain why I felt so bad for not "having enough dysphoria" back in the day. I couldn't figure out why it was different, because it really wasn't.

As a trans patient unionizer thank you so much for expressing the pain I have felt in Canada. We also have a 'worldclass universal Healthcare system'. Just yesterday I was able to connect someone with extra T with someone who had their lost in travel. The week before I was at a meeting were equity representatives of my clinic explained to me why their standards of care don't need reform and why they don't want our input. As trans people we must continue provide for each other because no one else will.

As someone who is surrounded by a plague of addiction, this resonates very strongly. I've had mates that have done immoral things in order to be seen as "insane" so that they could receive medical help

hearing those questions trans people are asked for their diagnosis and all I could think of, aside from how invasive they were, was "God this is rigged against ace trans people isn't it?"

I’m currently detransitioning! I’m a 19 year old cis woman in the US, and I’ve identified as a binary trans man for just over 5 years. I’ve been on and off testosterone over the past 3 years, my voice is deeper and I have facial hair to deal with. I accepted the fact that I’m most likely cis somewhere around May/June of this year. While I’m an outlier, in the sense that I don’t regret the medical transitioning at all, it’s incredible that my experience is so incredibly rare, barely ever happening, but there’s ALWAYS the “what if” and “what about”. It’s gross. I would rather die than be made an example of why transgender people shouldn’t receive medical attention. It’s like screaming for help and being muffled by six pillows and a pair of headphones. Change is coming. There’s no way we sit with this built up energy and just let it settle. Change is definitely coming.

I haven't finished this video yet, but I want you to know you speak about a great source of trauma for trans people of many countries, not just Britain. Here in Norway, I waited 4 years before I was allowed to start hormones. My age started at 16 and ended at 20. The process was not only frustrating and humiliating, but regardless of how anyone feels about hormones for underage teens, at 18 its maddening that the option of informed consent wasn't there. And worse yet was the attitude from many practicioners, seeing it as a "worrying trend" that more young people were identifying as trans, "especially young girls." It was like ripped out of the book of a terf, only a "moderate" one that accepts that trans people exist, but only "some" of us who perfectly performs gender roles, have acute and horrible body dysphoria and are willing to put up with this shit for 4 years.

As I cis-woman this video was an absolute eye opener. I have always felt very comfortable with the gender I was born with and I found it hard to imagine how people that didn't have this felt like. But I will forever remember your comparison with women in meno-pause or women who have more body hair than socially acceptable and therefore feel uncomfortable in their body because they don't conform to their gender anymore. Thank you so much for this video