I Filmed My Chronic Migraine // Christmastide Day 11 [CC] 

Thank you so much for your wonderful comments and support. It means a lot to me that I have you all by my side ❤️

"If i dont do things just because I'm in pain, when would I ever get anything done?" Spoke to me on a SPIRITUAL LEVEL

Watching this video I realized that your voice would be perfect for audiobooks 💜 I wish you could be an audiobook narrator.

It was really upsetting to watch this but I am glad you showed us a glimpse of your reality. Sometimes it’s too easy to forget that days like this are quite normal for you. Hope you are feeling better and we look forward to your next video. x

Fellow migraine sufferer here. Everything you say resonates - agree 100%. Thank you so much for this Jessica. I wish you more good days than bad. x

The plus side is we get a good look at your engagement ring and its so pretty! I haven't seen it properly before.

"if I don't do things just because I'm in pain, well, when would I ever do anything?" I feel these words on such a deep level

“I’ve forgiven my body”. That is an amazing statement. I also power through a few chronic illness’s. I hope to someday forgive my body!

I wish I could show this to every doctor and therapist I have ever met. Nurses are the only ones who (mostly) understand this. Thank you for sharing this, it's not easy showing such a vulnerable and 'weakened' side. Weakened. Like we aren't badasses for going through this, enduring the pain, nausea and whatever else our bodies and life throws in our way 😂

Her voice is the most beautiful thing on the planet. I know everyone says that but it is an actual shame that she cant hear her own voice because it is so soothing

"It's much easier to forgive my body if I think of it as something separate." THE WORDS! I feel this so hard on so many levels; chronic illness, chronic pain, nonbinary... my body never seems to work for me. But I've always thought of it as something other than "Me," and that helps me get along. Thank you for sharing

Oh man. The whole discussion about being separate from your body. I have anxiety and depression, and chronic pain (still in the "throw things at the wall and see what sticks" phase of diagnosis) and I had to explain to my partner who is able bodied that I separate myself from my brain and my body. My brain has anxiety, my body has pain, I am neither of those things because if i was I would be a crumbling mess.

In the hospital today, the pain, anxiety and a lovely drug interaction that made me blackout in the middle of a dental procedure. Now I'm crying about trying to put kindness into the world. I had my kids come to visit me in the hospital and give me big cuddles, so that was my bit.

omg "This? i just put makeup, its a lie, i feel terrible." is honestly my entire mood today

This hit home on so many levels. I think a lot of people with chronic pain who have learned to live despite it, are often guilty of simplifying their pain for others to understand more or minimizing the effect it has on their day because it is normal for them. I have sent this video to family who don't see me on a daily basis and already i am getting more understanding responses back form them. Your statement about how you say others actions have helped, even if they haven't really, just to help them feel better about things resonated hard. I do this as i hate seeing my loved ones in pain watching me go through pain, i want to minimize its impact almost. Sorry for long rant but wanted to say you are making a difference with videos like this and your desire to help others feel less alone is noble and so appreciated xx

The irony that im watching this with my hand over my left eye having a migraine coming on

Oof, going through that migraine life right now.

I was listening to this while driving to my mother's & I started crying. I don't get migraines but I do have chronic pain & I dont know.. Between your calming voice & positive words through the pain "I've been through this before, it will pass, it always passes. It will always get better." And then the message at the end of not being alone... I dont know. I've been going through so much lately & it will feels so heavy on top of the pain too. Thank you for the glimpse of your reality.

"I've been here before, I've done this before. The pain will go away" You are speaking my soul right there. I'm watching with a knee that's subluxed (thanks EDS), and my POTS plus pain is hitting me for 6. So I'm in bed with ice and fluids, and struggling, and telling myself that I know this, I have endured it, I can endure it. *Massive hugs* Thank you for giving it such eloquent words

I can relate. Doctor: What brings on your migraines? Me: Breathing, or not.

As a chronic migraine sufferer, I’ve got to tell you how much I appreciate such an honest insight into your experience. It’s less lonely feeling and much more normalizing when others so accurately express what it’s like for one to go through something “invisible” like chronic pain diseases. Hope your migraine attack clears up quickly. ❤️

When I get one of my migraines, I feel like I could just poke a hole in my temple, and all of this pressurized air would come out. Sometimes I pull my hair or knock on my forehead, it stimulates my skin on my head and distracts me. If the migraine makes me lightheaded, I make my mom put her hand on my face, because I feel like I’m floating and she could keep me grounded. You could catch me randomly crossing my eyes, and I wouldn’t even notice I’m doing it because everything is already blurry from the pain. I clutch my breasts when the nausea hits, imagining that if I could take my breasts off my chest I wouldn’t feel so nauseous because they wouldn’t be weighing my stomach down. It could be pitch black in my room and I would still feel like it’s too freaking bright. Another one of those things I imagine is taking my jaw off, because it’s simply too heavy when I have a migraine. With all of that in mind, physically I just look like I’m asleep- because I’m not actually moving much, but mentally I feel like I’m doing literally everything.

“I can’t really remember a time I wasn’t in pain” boy did that speak to me. Thank you for this gentle reminder that not all days are good days and that okay.

We love our chronic pain princess!! 👏👏👏👏

I'm watching (or rather listening) this while having a migraine and it's nice to just relate. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and migraines but your videos always seems to help. Thank you

As a girl who also has a connective tissue disorder, I find that if massaging my shoulder helps my migraine, it's often because it's a stomach ache causing a migraine. (there's a nerve in the shoulder that directly links to your stomach and bowels. Which is sometimes why if you eat too much you get pain in your shoulder. And sometimes migraines can cause stomach ache and sometimes it's vice versa because human bodies are just so well designed like that) I find that buscopan often sorts me out. I don't know if it is this. I just thought you may like to know just in case.

You look like a fancy Picasso painting with your hand covering your face. Your ring replaces the left eye and makes you look like a beautiful abstract painting!

I am totally amazed at how coherent this video is, all things considered. I also love your voice, it's very gentle and just you saying the phrase "it always does" makes me feel calmer. I'm sorry you feel so awful, Jessica, I wish you could feel better even though I know you can't. I'm sending you lots of love, you're an incredibly kind person and I'm always happy to see you 💖

"lightning smashing into my eye". Yeah, that's a migraine,all right. Bless you,dear. I have total empathy.

I remember when I was younger, and thinking that pain was normal. I assumed everyone was in pain all the time. My earliest memory was when I was 6 (memory loss) and I was in a crazy amount of pain. I also count my mental health conditions and my physical pain separately; and my body pain and migraine pain separately. X

You're like the Mary Poppins of RU-vid

I often feel awful nausea for a few hours after I wake up, and you made me feel less lonley in that so thank you!

Migraines make me wonder: do I throw up or do I pass out? I have never decided either way. I am so sorry you hurt. I know how it feels. One sent me to the hospital because I thought it was an aneurysm. It wasn't. It is the worst pain imaginable. The drop in estrogen was the best treatment ever. Sending you gentle hugs and warm thoughts.

Well, this will be a journey to watch, I think. My partner struggles with chronic migraines as well so I'm interested to hear (or see) how you cope and what your thoughts are. Hope you're feeling better by the time this video is posted! And if not, it's okay to not be okay.

"If I don't do things just because I'm in pain... Well, when would I ever do anything?" This is what my life has become and it can be hard to explain to anyone not in chronic pain. Thank you for sharing this! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I cannot recommend enough, the wonders of eyepatches. I've customized a couple, and it really helps with the problem eye during migraines, you get hands free eye comfort. It doesn't fix it, but it blocks the light, and helps a bit- sort of like putting a bandaid on. Really helpful when you say get an attack while you're out, or trying to manage some little chore.

So helpful as a sufferer of chronic migraine, especially the mantras about "we've been through this before and it always gets better", as that part is the most difficult for me!

The bits towards the end (talking about how you've been here before but you know it will pass, etc.) was really well stated with such a calm, soothing sounding voice, it honestly was making me think of a guided meditation or therapy talk about chronic pain. It made me think of a phrase I've heard about riding the waves of pain, knowing that it will build and peak, but that you'll get through it. That you've been there before, you know what coming, and if you just ride it out, you'll get out the other side again and to not fight or fear it. This really resonated with that idea, it was very interesting to watch and listen to you self monologue in the moment. Thanks for sharing these intimate and vulnerable moments with the world, they are very helpful to get a view in on the highs and lows of life with chronic illness and pain, and all the other parts of your life that you share.

Attempting to watch this during a migraine. Probably a mistake Definitely a mistake (:

I have always wanted to see your rings, and this video shows them perfectly. I am a chronic migraine sufferer, among other things, so I can relate to all of today's video.

Also a migraine sufferer.😕 Everything you said is exactly what goes through my head on ‘bed days’.

As a young girl who struggles a lot with high frequency chronic migraines this honestly meant so much to me. You're one of my biggest inspirations, thank you so much for being so honest and open with your struggles while still spreading positivity 💜💜

Thank you for sharing this. I suffered chronic migraine through puberty and I think a lot of people don't understand that a migraine isn't just a "headache". There's so much more to it. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable so that we could see what it's like.

This was such a lovely video to listen to. I know you were feeling horrendous, but I could honestly listen to you optimistically ramble all of the time. I hope you have more days without pain ahead of you, dear one!

I am editing a very similar video capturing my own chronic pain. I planned to film a "day in my life" fun, happy video and it turned out...much different than I had initially hoped it would. I think it is good for others to see the real bits though. The hard, rough, unfiltered parts that we reflexively want to hide. Thank you for this video, Jessica. You are giving me the courage to post my own difficult moments.

How anyone could call you weak or feeble of lazy is baffling to me. The strength it must take for you to deal with the issues your body throws at you, while still putting out so much kindness and joy into the world is amazing to me! You’re absolutely fierce.

Yup, this is EXACTLY how I look when I have a migraine, even down to covering the same eye! I usually block my left nostril too, as it gets stuffy and hurts to breathe through it. I now feel slightly less alone!

I also see my mind and body as very separate entities! Thank you for all the amazing content xx I had a particularly bad pain day yesterday and the end of the video was really touching

I get ocular migraines, but no frequently. There is no pain with them, but a little loss of side vision, and some stiffness. When I hear you speak on this, it's a good reminder how blessed I am. And I gain more compassion for people with ongoing pain or medical issues you have to deal with.

Currently dealing with my weekly migraine.. I always come back to this video because it makes me feel less alone. Hoping I will figure out what’s wrong with my body soon.

I have chronic migraines and multiple other chronic pain situations. I feel this video deep in my soul. It's actually one of my coping mechanisms to think of my mind and body as separate. It helps when I know that I want to do things, my body just can't.

Ok the fact that she has perfect eyebrows and nothing else is kinda an iconic moment. Like that really is a mood trying to do the most while feeling the worst

Where do I start...THANK YOU JESSICA!!! Next time someone ask about my chronic migraines or says they can't be that bad THIS VIDEO is being sent to them. Hope you feel better soon❤

"days like this i just wait for the next good one to come. and i know that it will. everything gets better in time." beautiful. thank you for sharing this

I honestly don’t know how people with chronic pain do it. I get a migraine once a month and i die when I get them, plus daily minor headaches. You are incredible and I honestly don’t know how you do it. Stay strong💜

it made me cry to see you like this and hear you articulate so well how I feel when I suffer through my chronic migraines that are so quickly ignored by my, so called, health professionals, I wish I could show them this. I got my diagnosis 3 years ago, and I hate and resent it because even with it the doctors don't know how to treat it (IIH). I felt really alone until I saw this, I am sorry for your pain. May your happy memories always outshine the pain

People really don’t understand what someone with a chronic illness actually has to go through day to day, let alone in the long run. 💝💝 never change

I identify with this video on every level. The migraines, the question of WHY do I have a migraine this time, the disconnect from your body so you can cope and forgive it, the POTS, the brain fog, the nausea... and also your pajamas! I have them in teal. :) Thank you for your bravery in sharing with the world, your honesty. It helps to have visibility and representation. 💖

I suffer from migraines every single day, and have had them since like late 2017 (around October 2017 is when they started) and I’ve been in the hospital many times, and they have tried shoving me full of different medicines and it just hasn’t helped. The last time I went in I actually threw up green, so that’s lovely :) anyways, I’m so glad you popped up on my explore page because I’m glad someone understands me. My older sister gets migraines too, but not near the extent I do. I have it from the time I wake up, to the time I go to sleep. They will sometimes be so raging I don’t even want to be awake and I force myself to fall asleep, and sometimes they aren’t so bad and I can manage. It just has been so hard with school, but I manage to still get all A’s despite this :,)) it’s so difficult though. I’m nearly 15 in like a month and a half or so and I have about 3 more years of high school left, but luckily I have found a school that is so understanding and lovely, and is willing to work with me unlike my last school. It just sucks though because my parents and siblings will act like it’s just me faking it, and that it’s all in my head, and they tell me to just say I won’t have a migraine and act like it’ll magically disappear. It’s so frustrated and makes me cry, which just makes everything SO much worse. I think one of the worst parts is we have no idea what is causing the migraines, and so people really just think I fake it all :( don’t know why I have said all this exactly, but I just wanted to say I’m so so incredibly glad I found this channel, and have someone who is in the same boat as me in this aspect. So thank you for making my night a bit better :) ♥️ (By the way you are so inspiring, and your voice is so soothing.)

I feel the need to keep this forever, as a balm to soothe the soul when things feel so dark. How can you say such perfect, inspiring things while in pain? It is not a question I expect an answer to. But you are lovely, and I thank you.

I feel like I’m separate from my body too- my body is weak due to my chronic illnesses, but I am not 💪🏽 & If you’re in a similar boat, you are not either 💕

Thank you. Deeply thank you for your kindness.

Thank you for this video!😊❤️ I didn't know I needed it, Jessica! Keep on keeping on! You give me life💯💯💯

"I've been here before. I've done this before. I know that it goes away. Always does". Words I needed to hear right now (and need to repeat in the future), as I am suffering from a migraine this very second lol

You did stuff today! You made MY day, and you encouraged me to see the world in a more beautiful way. ❤️

Thank you for your honesty Jessica. I am truly sorry to see you in so much pain.

“I’ve been here before. I’ve done this before. I know that it goes away.” i suffer from chronic nausea and i have a huge fear of vomiting and that’s what i say to myself when i’m having an especially rough time with it, especially if i’m in class and it hits me i just need to remember that it’s fine and that i can get through it, just need to keep calm and breathe ❤️❤️❤️

I have had chronic migraines for about two years now. I get them everyday. This video is literally my everyday life. Doctors, therapists, my parents, family, friends, etc. all just think I’m lazy and unmotivated. They just don’t understand how painful and mentally draining it is to deal with chronic pain, especially in your head, and nausea. I have tried every medicine available to me for migraines, and some other neurological things. Nobody knows why it’s happening, no one knows the cause. My therapist, doctor, and family have just choked it up to my anxiety making my head hurt (I don’t think that’s the case tbh). I was an amazing student. I got all A’s, was one of the kids at the top of my 7,000 student class and I had to drop out of my international baccalaureate programme at my high school and go to an alternative school. No one listened to me when I said “it’s not my anxiety about schoolwork, it’s literally pain and having to deal with that pain in a fast paced school setting with bright lights and noise” so I went behind my parents’ backs and started online school so I could just do my work when I’m not in as much pain. Now I’m on track to graduate early but I don’t know how I’m going to be able to go to university or get a job or be a functional member of society. I’m applying for disability so I can hopefully get enough money to keep myself alive, even though most of the time I don’t want to be, until I find a treatment that reduces my pain. I honestly can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Earlier this year I experienced migraines & oh my goodness it was awful. I was going through a very stressful time divorce, promotion & my grandmother died (she raised me) it was incredible how my body manifested my emotional pain into the most terrifying pain (I don’t really believe that fully but oh it was a painful time). My vision was affected, I vomited & lived in a black room constantly. Sending you much love 💕

I feel this on a spiritual level. If no one had told me that you weren't supposed to be in pain constantly I'd think that everyone felt this way. My lecturer once said "I don't want you to be here if you're in pain" and I replied with "if I did everytime I was in pain I'd get nothing done".

I think I may have been overly moved by this, for the last three years, my early teens, I have been dealing with chronic migraines and they have slowly been getting worse. Recently I had an evening like this, where all I could do is lie down and clutch my face and cry, so much crying. To see you in a similar state and yet so positive is quite moving, to show that a positive mental attitude and KNOWING, not just hoping that it will get better is do able. I'm usually a very independent person but when this happens it just makes me feel like I just wished like it would be easier if it was all over, but to hear you talk on the subject and to have such confidence in life and in happiness really helps. Thank you, a definitely-not-crying viewer

I cannot thank you enough for all the parts of your life you share with us. I always seem to watch one of your videos when I'm at my lowest points and you never fail to help me either see what I'm experiencing in a different light or lift my spirits. Either way, I always end up a bit farther down the road to loving and being a bit kinder to myself. Thank you.

Bless your heart. 💙 I don't really know anyone else who has the Trainwreck Grade chronic migraine...it's rather shocking to see someone else in the midst of migraine catastrophe. No wonder my mother freaks out so much when she witnesses it! The weather is changing here in Kentucky & I can feel a massive migraine rapping at my door, ugh. Aphasia is a big part of my migraine constellation, which is so frustrating as I spend long stretches (even before the headache part) unable to communicate because I can only utilise about 25% of my vocabulary at best, or 'talk' in a weird verbal sludge at worst. It's taking longer & longer here for me to type actual things. Welp, time to retreat into darkness. You've made me feel a lot less alone in my crazy health journeys, Jessica...I wish you some good & happy hours for this evening.

You described migraines perfectly👍 I have chronic and severe migraines. Although I can’t begin to imagine all the other pains you go through, thank you for shedding light on this one.

Girl, I feel you. I generally get three migraine days a month and I get bad pre and postdrome. No one can understand why I just watch the TV and read books and do everything until lying down in the dark is the only thing to do. Also oversleeping and under give me migraines. Frickin pain I'm so sorry you go through it too.

Foggy-brained achy Jessica is so profound... I teared up watching this. Also, hats off to Clara for editing!

I've thought of myself as strong and resolute, something like a human battle tank, but I am in awe of your composure and strength. Not flinching when you get a blunt two-handed sword smashed into your fingers? That's nothing compared to how calm and collected you hold yourself while in more pain than I have probably ever been in my life. I don't have chronic pain, but even the temporary but long-term pain I've experienced was utterly draining. And it's not even about "handling" the pain, because whether you can ignore it or not, it *will* tire out your body. You are nothing short of amazing, and I love and respect you and the work you do to no end. ❤️

I totally agree, head pain is the worst. The farther away from your head the easier it is to distance yourself from it.

It was interesting that you mentioned feeling a seperation of mind and body. I was messed up early and ended up a food addict. I've ruined my body and my brain won't let me do anything especially if it's good for me. I love the way you present your videos. They do give me a boost. Thank you.

The way you think about your body as something separate from yourself really resonates with me. I have an anxiety disorder and depression, and thinking about my "anxiety brain" as something separate from me, the human and normal person, really helps me to deal with it in my daily life in a healthier way.

For me the worst part of a bad day is that it can be easy to forget it will ever stop. These videos are a great reminder to think about tomorrow and not get consumed by the pain and disorientation of today. Thanks as always.

Ooooh sister I’m so sorry. My bestie got me blackout curtains and I swear it’s the most thoughtful gift I have ever gotten. Really helps with the migraine.

with my mental health problems, just thinking “it’ll be over before i know it anyway, in a few days i’ll have forgotten this moment even happened and i’ll be okay. i just have to wait it out” and it’s basically my way of surviving at this point, i really related to the part that was just “it’ll get better and then i can make happy memories”

I feel this so personally. I’m always tired, have chronic migraines as well, can’t remember not being in pain in my lifetime, and.. well a few other problems. I’ve managed over the years to get a few diagnoses but I feel like I have something doctors haven’t picked up yet, despite my best efforts to emote what I feel to them. Thank you for using the public platform you have to show that life isn’t always glamorous for anyone, and that it’s okay to be in pain and still be you. I don’t often complain or talk about my issues because I’ve found over the years that most people really don’t care. They just want you to be your best whenever they’re around you. Well.. I’m not my best me all the time because of my body, but I’m stronger from it!

you look beautiful even with migrain! and it's amazing how strong you are, having the strengh to film your bad moment and trying to do your best. This is really inspiring!

This is the video I always come back to every time I have a terrible migraine (granted I have to listen to it because the light from my phone bothers me but it still counts lol). Thank you for everything you do, Jessica! You’ve helped me so much ❤️

It's really comforting to hear you say that sometimes you don't feel like your body belongs to you because that's something I have been dealing with a lot recently. It's such a confusing and distressing feeling to have and knowing that I'm not the only chronically ill person to feel that way is reassuring. Thank you for sharing.

As one who copes with a lot of pain daily, this brought tears to my eyes, thank you. Thank you for sharing this intimate and difficult moment with us.

Now having chronic migraines for 5 years and having no one understand, watching your videos (especially this one) makes me feel normal and supported. I hope you feel better next time you wake up and that you feel love from others around you 💙💙💙 I love you!

My girlfriend has chronic migraines from an old football injury and she's such a trooper. I definitely identify with the "not wanting to leave her in pain" thing and she still goes to work and has normal days a lot of the time. I've had 2 my whole life and I can't imagine.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who likes to ramble on when having a migraine. It doesn't help the horrific agony but it's distracting. This was like watching myself have one, though I am fortunate enough to not have them at a chronic frequency. Thank you.

I love your videos so much youve helped me through so much i also have chronic migraines and cluster migraines and there honestly aweful and im sorry you have to go through this. I love you and your channel so much thankyou for the amazing content, help, and advice 💖 xx

Thank you so much! I am currently home alone being hit with an especially bad migraine. Thank you for being here with me.

"When touched with a feeling of pain, the uninstructed run-of-the-mill person sorrows, grieves, & laments, beats his breast, becomes distraught. So he feels two pains, physical & mental. Just as if they were to shoot a man with an arrow and, right afterward, were to shoot him with another one, so that he would feel the pains of two arrows (...)" "Now, the well-instructed disciple of the noble ones, when touched with a feeling of pain, does not sorrow, grieve, or lament, does not beat his breast or become distraught. So he feels one pain: physical, but not mental. Just as if they were to shoot a man with an arrow and, right afterward, did not shoot him with another one, so that he would feel the pain of only one arrow." This is something that the Buddha taught. So what you were saying about experiencing mind and body as separate is something Buddhists have to learn through hard work. Impermanence (anicca) is also a hugely important aspect of Buddhism. The fact that you have a calm and relaxed awareness of the fact that both good and bad states come up and pass constantly is also something many struggle to see and accept not just from an intellectual standpoint but through experience. So in many ways, life may have been harsh on you by giving you all these physical difficulties, but at the same time, your chronic illnesses have given you an understanding of the world that many seek to experience in order to relieve mental suffering. Maybe that's why you always seem to be glowing, even when your body's doing terribly. Thank you for sharing these moments with us, and I hope your body's feeling better today :)

As someone with chronic migraines, the absolute WORST is when you have things to do you can't reschedule, so you drag yourself around like a grinded-up meat-puppet and fake that everything's fine. And then you almost manage to convince yourself of it, that you have this totally handled and you can keep trucking and make it home, and then next thing you know you're crying and immobile in a mall food court because there's too much natural light and someone offered you a sample just a little too loudly. Not that that happened to me. Not at all. Especially not literally yesterday.

Thank You, it is always wonderful to know I am not in alone in wanting to add more kindness to the world.

This made me cry in the most bittersweet way. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone but it helped me to see someone show what I go through without shame. It helps to know I'm not alone. So many hugs. Thank you for never shying away from letting people see the brutal honesty of what it is like to live with chronic illness and chronic pain.

I don't suffer with chronic pain but I do suffer with panic and panic attacks and I definitely related to some parts of this video. My friends have often said to me that they are surprised I joined them in a social event if I have felt panicky/had a panic attack earlier that day and I always respond with "if I didn't do things because I was panicking, I would never leave my bed/get anything done" so I completely understand the want and need to get on with things and carry on. I also liked the part about it always getting better and remembering the good times. The one thing that gets me through bad days is knowing I have got through them before and therefore can get through them again. I hope today is a better day and if it isn't, sending you love and positive vibes xx

Migraines are horrible. I'm currently on day two of mine, had to call out sick at work today. I've always described the pain as having a kabob skewer shoved though my eye straight back to the back of my skull. You're so much more eloquent than I am! 💕

I also suffer from migraines and its so nice to hear you talk about yours and be able to have someone to relate too... no one in my everyday life understands the struggle of migraines