I Found My Christian Journal From When I Was 16 ... It's Sad 

Ugh this is too true :")

"STOP BEING ANXIOUS!!!! Okay, now that I yelled at the person having a nervous breakdown let's get back to the list of things you need to be absolutely terrified of..."

@@ChristopherSadlowski Good, now I'm anxious about being anxious

And I was also told by a “Biblical Counselor” that anxiety was a sin

Holy shit! Same! Anxiety was seen as not a sin, per se, but a sign of a lack of faith.

Exactly! Being a teen is rough already without heaping on shame for perfectly normal things. I like the framing of “I outgrew it” - that’s how I think about it too. There were things about xtianity that were helpful for where I was as a teen, but I’ve outgrown it and find other things more helpful now.

Wow, yeah, you just said everything I’ve been thinking about religion in recent months.

Just like Dav Beal, you didn't want to feel shitty all the time.

I also grew up Catholic, but my situation is a little bit different from a lot of people raised in any religion, because my parents always presented religion as an option rather than a certainty. They raised me and my brother Catholic because that was how they were raised, but they always said that nobody knows for sure, and probably no religion has it exactly right. I also think I just outgrew the religion. I still have something of a spiritual side, but I am content not to follow any organized religion anymore.

If only you could find a way to bottle what you've learned, it would change the world. But I know it doesn't work that way. I never was taught the Bible, so I didn't have to go through what you and this channel creator went through. It gives me a sense of hope to see you have found a way to get past the what you learned as a child, and I'm happy for you for whatever worth you can find in the praise of a random stranger on the RU-vid app. Lol, take care 😊, peace 💚

This, I struggled with gender identity growing up, being gender fluid and non binary. I felt guilty I always wanted be able to change to be feminine one day and masculine the next. Jealous of both women and men. Then not being able to talk about it. Being picked on calls gay because I liked certain things or say wrong. I get it the feeling you can't talk. Not the same scenario as yours, but the trapped feeling.

@@BladeValant546 hi, i hope this isn't weird but I'm writing a book (comic, just writing stuff) and I want to write an intersex character (to wrap my mind around all these gender stuff in a productive way). The character, her name is Lex (she/they) and she struggles with her identity (intersex woman). Sometimes she wants to be perceived as a guy, sometimes as a woman and when she was born, the villagers thought she was a witch and wanted to drown/kill her (my story takes place in 17-18th century). Since I'm cis and not struggling with my own identity, I want to talk to people who are non-cis to understand my character. I'm still a Christian but writing different characters is a way I deconstruct some harmful beliefs I've imbibed (while still having my faith). Would love to hear a response. I can't really talk to anyone I know personally because I live in a place that still believes in a gender binary to put things into context. You don't have to say anything if you're not comfortable (though it would be nice to have a reply). Have a good day :)

​@@phi4721 Do you know that intersex and genderfluid are different issues? In your writing you seem to be conflating the two.

@@kellycowley3535 I'm aware. They are different but can't an intersex person also struggle with their gender living in a world that sees a gender binary?

@@phi4721 Yeah they can. I just wasn't sure how much you knew.

Proud of you, internet stranger. I know from personal experience how painful dealing with your parents’ grief/invalidation is

I get this to an absurd degree, there is no ultimate solution, just stay strong and know that you are valid, that your thoughts are not waste

you are not alone, this is so relatable as an ex-vangelical

Been there with the religious OCD. It's tough and I'm sorry your parents weren't there for you in the ways they should have been. Things have gotten better for me and I hope they can for you too

You don't need to be a Christian to reject Christianity.

Right!? Man I didnt have the most outragous denomination, although my parents where SUPER serious about believe. Even though the denomination wasnt that extreme, I still had such an incerdibly hard time talking to my parents about it, I couldnt even start the conversation, it came up one time and my mom kinda had to force it out of me. I cant imagine what it would be like for someone actually in a 'bad' kind of denomination.

Thank you for sharing this! Best wishes on your journey 💕

@@parasociallyscripted Thank you for your kind words. 💜

This Deconstructing fad is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen. Based on what? Why should anyone assume scientists, historians and archaeologists are correct in anything they say about God and the Bible? Most things scientists say are theories and none of us were alive when Bible events took place. You all need to consider that it just might be that the Bible is true and the ones that cannot be trusted are the critics of Christianity. It would be smarter to deconstruct science. I would find this funny if this fad wasn't leading souls to hell.

I enjoy their content as well. I also create youtube videos to help people question their beliefs, deconstruct, and find out what they really believe.

Christian Deconstruction is the most asinine thing I have come across. There is no reason to believe critics of Christianity when they can't prove their claims or they are floating unproven theories.

🙏

I left years ago, but im agnostic. Not the i don't believe... But until recently when the james web telescope went on 2 years ago. There has been a a lot of radical information from astrophysics, suggesting that what we thought about the universe. Might be relatable to a single constant inside the universe ie (god). We have alot of atheists going to middle ground. We also need to remember that Firstly physics, chemistry and then biology. Come into existence. Not the other way around, where alot of people think.

Ridiculous and gross.

​@@bibleburner8426 Are you trying to shame him/her ?

That's bc Catholics believe that if a baby dies and is not baptized, they will go to hell.

Yeah Evangelicalism is basically a type/offshoot of the Baptist church, where it matters a lit that you choose baptism as an adult and get born again.

I grew up American Catholic and was baptized as an infant. I've seen a video of it, and I didn't go down without a fight😂 proud of infant self.

Same, poi ti dicono che con la cresima puoi fare una scelta tua per decidere se "confermare" il battesimo o no ma se sei forzato anche a fare la cresima quando sei adolescente poco conta HAHAH

@@snowpawwildcraft6276 Per fortuna non ho dovuto fare la cresima ... I miei si dicono atei e contro la chiesa, ma mi hanno fatto battezzare comunque! Che ipocrisia 😥

Why did you cry so much? Or why did you hate your self ?

@@TonyZagrI’m guessing you didn’t watch the video

​@@TonyZagr teenagers do, i didnt have religious trauma but i was bullied at school, i thought i was fine until the person i liked rejected me when i was 16 going on 17, that moment broke me because i realized all the things the bullies said about me must have been true, i felt like a burden to my parents with how pathetic and useless i was. These thoughts made me cry myself every night to sleep, so much i was waking up swollen.

@mmgs1148 Wow, sorry to hear that. I was also bullied through school. How are things for you now? May I know you're age now m or f?

@@PokemonRules333 I forgot how much I watched

Not to disagree, but hope you might be baptised if you haven't. The Bible (Mark 16:16) says he who believes and is baptised shall be saved, he who doesn't believe shall be damned. And Christ was baptised as well, so dot the "i" and cross the "t" to be sure. God bless.

@@mr.g1758 My father and mother were both baptized but left Christianity. I was never baptized as the religion they converted to didn't say it was necessary according to their holy books. Thus, it'll be a fun science experiment to see who (if any) goes to hell or dies or lives or not! How exciting! But some people have a low uncertainty avoidance and need a "for sure" to get something in the afterlife. But... there are how many religions that say you are wrong? They say they are the way and the life. So... how do you know you are right and they are wrong? Because I've had a Muslim BEG me to join his religion so I don't go to Jahannam. So I think he believes and has been moved just as much as you have. Anyway- we'll see after we're both dead! Isn't that fun? Good luck! =)

@@Thessalin I hope you will read my response with the spirit it is intended. I am not denigrating your position but please allow these viewpoints. Some of the reasons for my belief are not strictly due to biblical passages. The Holy Bible does say that Christ is the only way to heaven. One thing that book contains (if you didn't know) are several hundred prophecies/predictions that were made even hundreds of years before they came true. I'll be brief but there is a prophecy in Ezekiel that spoke of the Israeli's being dispersed for 430 years from their homeland for unbelief/idol worship. The Babylonians conquered them around 607 B.C.; but after 70 years King Cyrus of Medes-Persian empire (who had conquered Babylon) gave them an option of returning, but many of the jews resisted leaving. Because of unbelief and outlined in Leviticus, God multiplied that remaining 360 years X 7, or 2520 more years of dispersion. When you add 2520 years on their ancient 360 day calendar from 538ish B.C., it works out to 1948 on the Gregorian calendar. Do you know when Israel became a nation again under the control of Jewish ppl? 1948. Several other time sensitive prophecies (one about the 69 weeks in Daniel which pinpointed the crucifixion of Christ 400+ years later) are there which require study. The Koran nor any other religious texts have ANY such prophecies that predict specific events in the future that have come to pass. Also I believe Christianity is the true religion because of the so called Torah Code, which was discovered circa 1988 by computers. Experts have found THOUSANDS of "codes" via equidistant skip letter phrases and words that are in close proximity (on same page or two), which spell out events HAPPENING IN THIS GENERATION (9-11, Kennedy assassination, other world events). Never mind that they have been embedded in those Old Testament texts for over 3500 years! Researchers cannot find any such codes in any religious or secular books save for the Hebrew language bible. You'd have to Google Torah Codes or Bible Codes (many on RU-vid too) and read a bit to see what I'm referring to, but even atheistic statisticians have concluded that it is impossible for them to exist out of random chance. I believe some NDE's are legitimate...and many point out experiences that are spoken of in the bible. I recommend Ian McCormmack's testimony as well as Howard Storm's on RU-vid. Also, I'm not Catholic, but look at testimonies on RU-vid of the Fatima Miracle seen by 70,000 ppl in Portugal in 1917. How did their muddy and wet clothes wind up clean and dry after that 10 minute miracle? Go find out! I wish I could share more, but I implore you not to take an attitude of how "exciting" it will be find out who's right or wrong after we die. It is too late to repent or be saved after death, and non-believers will have the worst penalty imaginable to pay if they die without accepting Christ. Conversely, believers will exist in a paradise that we cannot even fathom if we believe, confess or sins, repent, and be baptised. If you will take a little time and search out a few of these things I mention, perhaps you can come to believe as well. But please do not delay that search brother. We are not promised another day in our lives. Bless you for reading my post.

I burned my journals too.

Me too. It was so cathartic so see it all float away on the wind. ❤

The live services my family watches (nsppd nigerian evangelical church) go on and on about how autism is 'being reversed'. They most definetly only think of autistic people who are much higher on the spectrum when talking about autism

@@jojobizarrelivingstone594 Yeah, I've seen that, too. They only believe in the portions of the autism spectrum with the highest level of support needs, because that's almost impossible to deny if you've ever met them. Usually, they're referring to non-verbal autistic people or people with a comorbid intellectual disability, and they use that as an excuse to make insanely insulting claims like "Autism is a form of demon possession" or "Autism is a disease or mental illness that can be 'cured' by the power of God." If I point out how dehumanizing that is, they'll just say, "Well, we're not talking about you because you don't REALLY have autism," which is no less insulting. Of course, the majority of the populous (at least near where I live) doesn't remotely understand understand autism and is therefore insanely ablist anyway, but religious people who believe that God can "fix" us tend to be some of the worst. Edit: Spelling.

​​@@jojobizarrelivingstone594 Another complicating factor in looking at the subject is that there is such huge overlap between autism and symptoms of CPTSD.

Awww thank you! 💕

I agree with that. I always like to watch, even if I don't agree in full, I always leave more informed and feel more appreciative of humanity.

they brainwash out of the womb because it's so easy to imprint young minds, very difficult to deprogram that. It'll get better

Same here😔

What are you ashame of ?

It's cuz we are magnetized to sin like moth to a flame. It's why everyone I grew up with (no one I know was raised Christian) are all addicted to alcohol, drugs (mostly weed), sex with strangers, the list goes on. And me too before I was saved a few years ago. Humans are so falliable. Yeah I know it hurts the ego to realize that but it's true. You look young but you'll start to notice this as you get a little older, probably within a few years. "Oh man, everyone's destroying themselves..."

@@JoanLPS2 well if we were created by god, then us being fallible and magentized to sin is technically thanks to him which makes him more of a dick. I was raised christian and im not addicted to alcohol, sex with strangers or weed( though weed isnt a destructive drug unlike cocaine or heroine). Im 27 years old and i have been an atheist since i was 18 and i havent become addicted to those things.

@@JoanLPS2 if your god created then us being attracted to sin is his fault. Im also not addicted to alchol or drugs Im 27 dont act like u think u know. me

@@mutalemwananshiku4098 I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to imply that you are addicted to drugs and alcohol. It was just an example. I don't think I know a 27 year old who doesn't struggle with those things, personally, so it is a common issue. But I know not every 27 year old does that. Anyway, we are attracted to sin on purpose, it is true. It is to give us an idea of how far away we are from God, to humble us. To show us that we need him. This earth is fallen because of sin. Greed, pride and lust govern the world. We need to recognize that all of these sins are present within each one of us. After this life time, we will be freed from our bodies. But where will you end up after the great sorting? Are you one of the people who think you could be a good enough person, sinless enough to escape death and hell? Or do you understand that you need God's mercy? You need to humble yourself and worship the God who created you. It's your only chance. I hope I answered your question. I'll sum it up: God created us with sin nature so that we would not be proud enough to think that we could ourselves be better Gods than God himself. He didn't just make us perfect because he created us for the purpose of love. He wants us to choose him. It deepens love to be chosen. He could have just made puppies. But he wanted us. Complex beings with free will, who can choose him, and be grateful to him, love him deeply, have the ability to experience the deepest sorrows so that when we escape it, we are eternally grateful

I don’t really believe in religion or necessarily believe that god answers prayers, but I do still enjoy praying for the soothing feeling that ritual gives my mind. I feel for you and I’m praying for you. Sending good vibes.

Why are you feeling bad, what is it exactly you are feeling bad about?​@@mielimedina3146

Praying for you and your journey ❤

I hope you find peace, always examine why you feel guilty. Don't feel guilty if you didn't do anything wrong.

I’m sorry to hear about your past experiences, but I’m glad you’ve found a new church where you feel seen and heard. Please be patient and compassionate with yourself! You’re valid and loved here. 💕

This must have been one of the reasons my mom and several other parents made sure they lead the Sunday school lessons for whatever grades we were in as we aged through the system. We ended up with the same much healthier approach as your friend did.

Umm... I'm a Christian and I believe I have control over my life. I don't even know if God has a specific plan for me. I'm just trying to be an author.

There are a lot of Christian advertisers on RU-vid. And since this video is likely tagged with things like #religion and #christianity, those ads get stuck to these videos. It really sucks, because people who were harmed by religion who perhaps haven't developed great critical thinking skills end up seeing these advertisements as a "sign", even though it Is just the silly algorithm combined with the disproportionate opportunity given to Christianity.

Lol, yeah! I got Hallow and was like the hell? 😂😂😂😂

Sameeee 😂

Dang, all I got was a manly manly man beard manly man beard ad. Oh well.

I was super into Switchfoot back then! I still think Meant to Live is a bop.

@@theantibot Oh, one of their best songs for sure

Ah yes the somehow legal 12 step program

@@PokemonRules333 I used to work with the courts as a PO (probation officer) and we learned that AA/NA were most certainly NOT legal to order to people under legal supervision. There are resources on the web that explain the US Federal cases and possibly your local state cases. Take care.

Same. No choice in the matter. And the ones doing that are the people complaining about liberals indoctrinating their children 😂

It’s actually not batik, but it definitely looks like it! Oh, wow! I’m curious … were you in grades below me or above?

@theantibot omg, it totally looks batik! And I'd rather answer your question privately if that's ok

Of course, no worries! You can DM me on IG @taylor_the_antibot, or email at theantibotyt@gmail.com

You bring up a great point that so much of what we call Christianity in the US is actually white American Conservative Capitalists culture. I was never a fundamentalist and I am still a practicing Christian but part of my practice is intentionally disentangling my culture from scripture. We have Christianized the Old Testament and Americanized the New Testament.

I really don't want a relationship with him , i do not like him and mostly because i fully believe he is as fictional as the tooth fairy

Rrright... and if you decline that offer, your god will flip out and go full-on yandere on you...

what do you think of Creed? I know they are a divider of people 🤭

@@ennuiblue4295 I personally don't care for Creed but they definitely dodge the "christian music is bad" allegation

switchfoot is alright, and the 2 ex christian bands underoath and tdwp are geniunely great i think oh yeah and as i lay dying is ok

​@@ennuiblue4295while i think scott stapp is?, creed is secular

One month old here. Portuguese person.

I did and STILL got told by my own family that I was going to hell. They treated me like I was the very devil.

So basically the false doctrine of works based salvation caused you to feel anxiety all the time because you had no assurance that you were going to heaven, also the fear of hell made you feel even more anxious, worried and fearful. I was like this too; it led me to believe in atheism. But something felt wrong, I knew there had to be more than life than to exist just to be buried six feet under. Also looking at the evil in this world showed me that there had to be something good there had to be a righteous God. So I decided to go down the Christian rabbit hole again, but this time I found the truth. After I looked through all the denominations of Christianity most of them either backloading works into the gospel or either front loading them, I found one sect of Christianity a very small group that believed no matter what you can do you cannot lose your salvation. The doctrine is called Free Grace. They can prove this doctrine is true by listing all of these verse: “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” Ephesians 2:8~9 “But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.” Romans 4:5 “And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.” John 10:28 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may *know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.* 1 John 5:13 There's 100 plus verses that prove salvation is free and that you don’t need works to get into heaven. I suggest you look into this doctrine and reconsider your atheism. Here’s a link ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-RnbgrFl0S-A.htmlsi=y7AqYjAlAMcPV9yI

_"I agree with the fact that children should choose whether or not they want to baptized when they're old enough"_ but this practice comes from a theological perspective that baptism saves and catholics believe this, in order to a baby who dies after birth go to heaven has to be baptized, there is no room to wait and there is no reason for it, you can only have this position if your DONT believe that baptism saves but if you dont believe it you are not part of that denomination practice comes from theology you cannot just randomly change the former

@@fixpontt I know, but that only applies to Catholics apparently. Because Mormons for instance wait until they're 8 before getting baptized, if I'm not wrong. I'm an atheist, I don't really care about the reasons behind baptism in every single religion 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm just saying that, coming from a catholic family, I just wish my parents didn't baptize me when I was too small to understand. But it also doesn't really matter now since I got unbaptised years ago 😅

@@alicegaiba you mentioned Italy so i assumed we are talking about catholics including yourself because you said you were baptized at age of 1, but if you are and atheist why dont you say that baptism is unnecessary at all

@@fixpontt of course as an atheist I think baptism is unnecessary but I can also see why a religious person might want to baptise their children. And even among Catholics some parents wait a couple of years before baptising their children, it is rare but it's not unheard of. As long as I know there's no specific rule or verse in the Bible that says when you're supposed to get baptised. From what I gathered it's all about interpretation and tradition. So again, if someone is religious and they wish to baptise their children, I wish they waited until they're old enough to decide for themselves. Which doesn't erase the chance of changing their mind later on (as this video shows) but it's still an improvement from baptising literal newborns.

"Christianity must be void becomes Christians still feel sad sometimes/aren't perfect" the Bible never claims that you will never be sad or that you will become perfect at resisting sin. You are still a human. Life is always going to be challenging. It's not heaven.

I was just saying the same thing to myself!