How I Told My Husband I Wanted to Leave the Mormon Church 

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"Not once in the process of leaving the church did I consider divorcing you." Real man right there, loyal all the way. His point about mental flexibility was really well put. Y'all are a beautiful couple!

My grandma was exmormon and while living in Utah being a single mom she helped women and young girls that wanted to leave the Mormon church because of a marriage that their father or family set them up with and had no other choice but to marry. She'd give them a place to stay and help them get back on their feet, she was a badass❤️

"Nah, I talked to God about it. We're cool." The most badass response he could have come back with.

My wife and I left the check church after 45 years. That was 10 years ago, and we discussed having a view renewal that is more like a “real” wedding, finally, last year, my wife and I did a 30th anniversary vow renewal. Wedding dress, new suit, new wedding ring professional photographer, the whole 9 yards. Wedding reception at a banquet hall on the beach (including open bar, to the horror of our Mormon parents), then a honeymoon cruise down to Mexico. It was awesome! We got married the right way our second time! Highly recommend you do it (kind of costs a lot of $$ though, prepare for that)

That party is hilarious! I’m imagining it as something from a nature documentary. “The single Mormon males are all seeking the attention of the Mormon female. One, in order to reclaim her attention, one brings sustenance to distract the other males. His ploy is successful, and he claims the spot next to her on the couch.”

omg you guys have such a healthy relationship literal goals

I'm an atheist that has never been mormon or even interacted with anyone from the mormon church but your videos are so fascinating to me that i can't stop watching them. It's so rare to get such a detailed look into what actually happens in the mormon faith from someone as eloquent and transparent as you and your husband are. So happy for you both that you followed your own path and stayed true to your relationship through all of it!

I think you two deciding to drink coffee together the first time is absolutely the biggest moment. I think that's when you became spiritually sealed to each other for all eternity. That moment is sacred because you examined your beliefs and moved through them together.

I honestly feel like in all the other mormon pics I've seen of Alyssa, her eyes don't have the sparkle and emotion that you can clearly see in the engagement photos. Clearly, you two have something special! ❤

When I asked my parents about Joseph smith’s polygamy and pointed out that he was in his 30’s when he married the 14yo, mom said “it was a different time, girls getting married young was normal then.” What was actually normal was you women married young men, not men twice their age.

I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness after 65 years when I realised it was not the so-called Truth. What made it excruciating for me my husband had just been diagnosed with cancer. Sadly we lost him within weeks so when I needed my faith, my family, my friends I had nothing. I’ve lost everything, but I cannot return no matter the cost. I’m so happy you have each other and friends to rebuild your life

Very interesting to hear they offer classes to prepare Mormons to counter criticisms of the church. Also it’s so funny Jackson called it Defense Against the Dark Arts lol

You've become a teacher, but not in the way you thought you'd be ❤

31:20 Tithing off of net income is how he was able to afford to win your heart with Little Caesars Pizza at the Alyssa Games, though. 😅

Not Mormon nor have I ever been but it took me a long time to realize that the churchy burning in my bosom or the feeling in my stomach were anxiety and heartburn and eventually an ulcer

Renewing your vows in “Sin City” seems like the perfect venue for your post-LDS life together.

There’s so much love in the way you look at each other. It’s rare to see love that just “radiates” off a couple- but it totally does. It’s amazing how you guys started out in a cult and yet here you are😂 absolutely thriving!

Jackson kept saying how Alyssa was a catch but hes a catch aswell. You two saved eachother from living a restricted life

I'm going to give an example as to why gay people need to be married. In Florida, a lesbian was forced to die alone. Her wife and adopted children were kept out of the room because the dying woman's homophobic bio family kept them out. Her wife was not family. Her adopted children were not family. Marriage would have prevented that cruel and crushing grief.

Left the Mormon church when I was 12, just felt like BS to me. Years later they sent me a letter asking me to update my information for the temple and I wrote them back saying just please drop me from the Church as I was never interested in being a Mormon. They wrote me back saying I was going to hell. I was recovering from Encephalitis from the flu, Pneumonia and the chicken pox at the time. I told them it was too late I was already in hell, just get me off their records I refuse to be a Mormon. LOL... Jeeze. I don't even believe in hell...

y’all are so cute!! love how hubby constantly is hyping up alyssa🤍

I admire you so much - I can’t imagine dating in the church then leaving together. It must take so much courage

You mentioned in another video that your husband hasn't taken his name off the roll because he's trying to get the church to excommunicate him. I would love to hear more about that!

"Kiss like Jesus is watching." So put on a show. Got it.

I would love to hear more about Jackson’s story and his Mormon experience! (If he’s willing to share of course!)

"I was also relieved on our wedding night" lolol

Mixed faith marriage is not easy, and I’m SO glad I had accepted my husband’s non-belief before we got married. Now we’re both non-believing and HE made me feel safe to explore my beliefs and to know that he would be there further me either way. I very much relate to how Jackson would express ideas that opened up your mind, because my husband did that for me 100%.

I am an atheist who comes from conservative laestadian community. It's a lutheran christian revival movement mainly in Finland, in which they believe only conservative laestadians will get to heaven and have a lot of rules (no tv, no movies, no popular culture, no rhythmic music, no dancing, no make up, no piercings, no dying hair, no nail polish, no birth control, ofc no alcohol) and while its not mormonism, so much of what you were talking about hit home... You described the feeling of truly believing in the religion and once not, everything falling apart and feeling unable to attend the church. I lived for couple of years pretending to be laestadian while i really wasnt in my heart and i felt so horrible all the time. Once i denied my faith, i couldnt even bring myself to pray bc before it wasnt about the community as much as it was about truly feeling connected with god, and without that it felt just empty and that feeling was scary. Also learning about the history of my church, the huge amount of times it had branched off, the straight up cults derived from it and the older very culty features it used to have, it was a read that made me truly question how can this one branch of all of these branches in finland far from everything else be the only correct one? Only answer people had was to not listen to the "reason/brain" bc it was actually the devil, but have a child-like belief. All the doubts were forgiven and you just had to ask forgiveness when in doubt and never think them further. Idk, i felt so understood by this video even though mormonism and laestadianism are very different things. Your trying coffee together moment reminded me of when i tried some eyeliner for the first time, or dancing to a rhythmic music in my bed room, seemingly a tiny thing yet such a huge thing for me. With my background I rarely find creators who i can relate this much. Thank you

Good grief. Y’all are so in love. 🥰 You can’t stop giggling whenever you speak to your husband.

“You are on a marriage assembly line…made for speed and efficiency” Perfect description! Our “sealer” told us to never spend a night apart - my husband had just graduated from medical school and we were facing having to spend every third night apart for his internship year. Now when I think back to my wedding day - that memory is the biggest one! We both just groaned internally. Nobody took the trouble to even get to know us so our wedding was a freaking rubber stamp. Pathetic

The way my skin CRAWLED when I heard the words "Thank you for your testimony sister." I haven't heard those words in years, and my skin is actively crawling

Loved the chance to meet Jackson. What an intelligent and articulate partner. I appreciated what he added to a difficult conversation.

why not re-do more than the vows? have a full new ceremony the way you two want, not how anyone else wants (and wear a slightly not white enough dress lol)

Omg I was just thinking I wonder if she'll ever have her husband on the channel! I'm excited to watch!

If your husband feels comfortable on camera, we would love more videos with you both. Your combined energy is brightening my day.

I think its very admirable how neither one interrupts the other yet they both have valuable things to share

It's a little hilarious that your Capstone project (and the thing which broke your shelf) was a flowchart of Joseph Smith's body count 💀

I’m so jealous of couples that leave together it actively makes me angry. I hate being married to a Mormon, but love my wife.

When my daughter was younger we had neighbors that were Mormon, they weren’t the most strict practicing ones but the daughter invited my daughter to some young women’s thing or whatever that they did every other Wednesday. the first one wasn’t too bad but the second one before the girls got out to the car the woman that was running the whole thing politely I told my neighbor that it would be best if my daughter didn’t come back when she asked why the lady told her that my daughter was too opinionated. Apparently at some point my daughter said I’ve never had religion and I never will and a couple of the other girls said something along the lines of what does she mean she’s never had religion. I’ve often wondered if she changed any lives that day.

Mom: "I'm just gonna re-baptize you when your dead" like she expects to outlive you 😂

Growing up Mormon, and not believing makes me feel weird. I just want to tell everyone around me how fake it is. But by doing this I could affect so many people who I grew up with, and their perspectives of me. There’s so many strangely Mormon things that are kind of isolating.

You guys have incredible energy and chemistry. Its easy to see. Glad you both are doing well. Great channel!

Let’s talk about sex! I’m forty five years married. After I left the church (not Mormon) I really knew nothing about sex. I was married in 1978. It seemed like everyone was having a hoot in the seventies but I was clueless. My husband and I bought the book The Joy Of Sex! Seems like such an innocent book now but we hid it in our bedroom. That book was the greatest! Not trying to embarrass anyone but the church never talks about a healthy sex life with your own husband or wife.

He is so well-spoken! Would love more videos with him and more videos about his story, esp growing up with one Mormon parent and one non-Mormon parent

Jackson is so cool! A natural born philosopher. It’s incredibly impressive to have such amazing perception and ability to articulate it when you’re embedded in such a stringent and oppressive environment. I’m glad you guys found each other ❤

You're so well articulated and the way you can think outside of the box you were born into, it really shows what integrity you have.

Merchant idea! Joseph Smith shot glasses and coffee cups.

I’m only 10 minutes in and the pizza distraction???? hubby has game! 😂

You sparked a really intense interest in Mormonism for me I've delved into other religions before but not nearly as much as I have with LDS your videos are amazing!

Would love to see more longform videos with Jackson if he’s up for it! You two bounce off of each other’s thoughts so well. ❤

A moment with my bishop was also pivotal in me leaving the church. I was living in Salt Lake City at the time, I had just come back from my mission (which actually already broke my testimony) and I got a job. I was trying to hold on to something to save my testimony but then I was required to work one Sunday per month by my job. So I was really conflicted about it and spoke to my bishop. He basically said, well you need a job so you gotta do what you gotta do. I was appalled that he was so nonchalant about the commandments and I was so upset that I decided to follow his advice and instead of being targeted by Satan I actually felt relaxed that Sunday and that was the start of me leaving the church within 6 months of that moment. I just kept going less and less to church and eventually never came back.

This was such an intriguing video to listen to. Thank you so much for your story! I'm a born again protestant Christian believer. I grew up going to church, but didn't decide to put my faith in Jesus as my Savior and Lord until I was 17. Throughout the years I've had times of struggle and doubt, but my questions have always been welcomed. It physically pained me to hear that when you (Alyssa) voiced your doubts during testimony time in Relief Society, that you were shoved aside, shunned, dismissed, and looked at with shock and disgust. I know how isolating that feels (I went to Liberty University, and the culture of BYU sounds so similar to the culture at Liberty), and it makes complete sense why you didn't want any more part of it. I left Liberty after similar doubts and questions. I think a core difference is how in your experience, everything Mormon is all tied together and linked. While I had difficulties with the rules and culture of Liberty, my faith in Jesus is not tied to where my money goes or where I went to school. It seems so scary to leave behind an entire community and culture, especially one you grew up in and truly believed in! I remember after a traumatic event while I was a student at a Bible School in Wisconsin, the whole class was having a prayer meeting. I voiced how I was struggling to believe if God could be good or if He could be in control because He let something so terrible happen to the city where I lived. I voiced other times in my life where I felt like God had failed or been absent. People responded with compassion and empathy. People patiently walked with me through my doubts and sorrows and showed me grace upon grace. Their steadfast love and reflection of the character of Jesus gave me the slivers of assurance I needed to keep moving forward. There were many times in the Bible when it seemed like God had failed or was absent, but He was doing things in His time as shown through the rest of the story unfolding.

I absolutely LOVE the fact that you got to know each other over "the Satan game." My hubby and I are avid D&D fanatics and it has made our relationship stronger and sharing our passion brings us so much joy. Do you still play? I've been bingeing your videos since I found them. Exmo here... I appreciate that you are sharing your stories and insights - it's helping me understand some of my experiences.

Words are powerful. In a way, your father's "blessing" has come true. You are being a powerful and highly effective teacher--showing people new paths to personal growth and enlightenment.

I have to say, the story of you and Jackson and how you are learning these things together and communicating is so heartwarming. 😊

I'm from Brazil. When I was 17, I got baptized. First in the family. My brother followed, and them my mom. In the year that follows, I start to understand where I was putting my foot into... I leave the church with 19, cos as soon as I really start to understand what it meant to be as a Mormon, I left. Since that, I always tried to keep in touch with the friends I made there, and almost all of them leave the church after the mission. I've heard that salt lake city is the place with the highest suicide rates in the world. Or one of the highest rates. And I saw many of my mormon friends dealing with depression. There was even a bishop in my stake who left cos he was so depressed that he can't take it anymore. and he was a convert like me, but married with a woman whose family were one of those first ever converts in Brazil. Can you talk about this issue, of depression and suicide in Mormon culture, as it is pretty known that salt lake is a place where people suffer a lot. Thanks for your videos.

Alyssa, "the Satanic Panic?" Could you do a little video about what that was? This was a really fun video - I totally cracked up about the D&D risk. Your Jackson is a dear, so glad you found him. I won my husband of 31 years in a role playing game.

Yes. We leave and we learn this stuff that sounds crazy, and then we ask faithful members and we find out they've known all along, but they don't care 🤷🏻‍♀️ it's wild The size of some of these folks' shelves has to be absolutely enormous

ALYSSA you are just so badass!!! You make learning so easy-- you might have your doubts on being called to be a TEACHER, maybe, but you're a born educator. Have you ever considered doing a TED Talk? ❤

My ex wife was a teacher, her hopes and dreams of educating young people was shattered by the rudeness of kids, the rudeness of parents, and the rudeness of the entire school system. I don't see how teachers stay in the profession for more than a couple of years.

I would love to hear about Jacksons missinery work in Sweden as a secular atheist swede. He does look swedish, and I wonder if that is one of the reasons he was chosen to go there. Did he ever get anyone to convert? Also, I don't remember if you said in your missionery video if you ever did convert or baptise anyone, Alyssa? Very interesting video. Keep up the good work 😊

11:26 the pizza story is genius!!

Loved every second of this! Thanks for joining in Jackson!

We need more vids with Jackson!! you guys are the cutest😭 maybe one on how leaving the church affected you guys’ family relationships? (if it’s not too personal)

its lovely seeing such a normal happy couple on youtube, so happy for you guys!

So beautiful to hear a couple so aligned after such a trying journey. I've been wanting to hear his side of your story as a couple. Thank you for giving us this lovely glimpse into your partnership!

This story is so reassuring. I grew up in the south in a church and watching people become healthy and free is just beautiful. Yall keep doin you

My wife and I stopped attending church about 10 years ago. Our journey has been similar to yours. My wife had doubts about the church a few years ago prior to that. We were not on the same page for a year or two. I struggled with that for a while but I always felt that my wife was more important than the church. After some time I began to think more critically about things that used to really bother me about the church (polygamy in particular). When the church implemented the November 5th policy (the one where the church said they would not baptize the children of gay parents). It felt to me that the Church leadership was being vindictive because they could no longer prevent same sex marriages. Within a month, I asked to be released from my calling as a youth Sunday school teacher and I stopped attending church. My life has been so much better ever since.

the way y'all look at each other and the mutual respect for each other is inspiring ❤️

I loved seeing your husband on the channel! It was great to see you having a conversation, felt enriching. Bring him back :)

Watching you two discuss your exit from the church is really reflective for me on the two years my wife and I spent working hard to heal our own traumas and recover and go through that massive time of change in our lives. We never considered divorce. We did separate but we did so knowing we were almost certainly coming back together after and we did. We spent almost 3 months apart figuring ourselves out, healing, growing, and have been back together for over a year now. Whether leaving a high demand religion on gpong through what we did can really shake a relationship. Thankfully, like you two were in a similar place, on a similar path, we were too and we came out happier and stronger than ever!

Love love love you two. Really a fun conversation. Great content and I SO appreciate being a part of this tribe.

I don’t know how your videos got in my recommended feed, but I am so glad that they did. You two seem to be an awesome couple. I wish you both the happiest of lives.

There is something so cathartic about your coffee story. I was never in a religious group so intensely, but hearing you find your freedom just gives me the same feeling.

Thank you for putting this up. I was one of the people who wanted to know about how you agreed to leave together, and it's great that Jackson agreed to jump on tell his side, too. I love the pizza party story. It's just so sweet and very college. And I just love seeing you together. Your marriage seems strong precisely because you do challenge each others thoughts. Good relationships should push you to consider the world around you.

I was laughing out loud at your first meeting story (from Alyssa’s perspective!). Loved watching your dynamic and learning more about your story together. ❤

He was giving me “down on his luck vibes” 😂😂😂😂

You seem to be a well connected couple. Thanks for introducing us to Jackson, his humility and humor is evident and he seems wise beyond his years.

Real relationship goals there, being able to go through all of that discerning about truth, and never once either of you considering leaving. Also laughed way too hard at "Winner of the Alyssa Games still on top!" and "oh my family is going to do baptisms for me after I die anyhow."

This is the first time I'm seeing Jackson. The energy between the two of you seems palpable. So happy for you both.

This was such a beautiful conversation. I have no connection to mormonism at all, and I'm not even sure why youtube recommended this video, but I think you really set an example for open, respectful and loving communication. Thank you for sharing your story!

Jackson has such an interesting and nuanced outlook on not only religion, but also life, relationships, etc. Loved listening to both of your experiences!

24:33 "I was also relieved on our wedding night."

I really enjoyed listening to you two. I've never been a Mormon but my son for reasons known only to him became one when he was in his twenties. He married a Mormon girl and has had two great kids and we remain close (even though neither my wife or I are "believers"). It's just interesting to look inside that mindset and see how Mormons are often just as riddled with doubts as other people are about their own faiths (or lack thereof). I don't know to this day if either my son or his wife (who grew up in the church) have their doubts--I suspect she might but that's just a hunch--so I'll be curious to where they are a few years or decades down the road. Anyway, thanks again for your very honest conversation and yes, you are a cute couple (but then so are my wife and I).

That claustrophobic feeling is so real. Not Mormon but Mennonite. Going back to my childhood church gives me so much anxiety and almost PTSD that I can’t stand it.

I'm so glad you said "that gross feeling" and "so claustrophobic" I felt like this my whole life and fought it for so long. It was such a relief, I felt like that boulder was lifted when we stepped away. Also curious why the wait to be excommunicated rather then just getting you name removed? I've been back and forth about it for myself.

You two are the sweetest couple ever, absolutely loved this video! I'm hoping we will see more of Jackson on the channel in the future, the two of you have great chemistry, and it's so, so wholesome to see! I'm not religious, nor have I ever been religious, but I have always been curious about religion and mythology and stuff like that, so your channel was an absolute gem to find, Alyssa! Thank you for all the great content you are providing for us here on YT, keep up the great work you're doing teaching us all about Mormonism from your insider perspective. Not only do I learn a lot from you, but you have such a calming and soothing personality that is just perfect for these kinds of videos. I found your channel only a few weeks ago, already a huge fan of yours!

y'all are so cute and chill omg. this experience of deconstructing so much of your beliefs with someone really does bring you together. it's honestly how i formed my most meaningful relationships in college.

Thank you for sharing the deep conflict, awkwardness, the question of guilt, fear, and a whole lot of what ifs as a bonded team and married couple experiencing a sense of risk of loss. You seemed to have gained balance in morals and values between yourselves without imposing on others. That is a tough thing to do and you pulled it off well in the video 🎉

So glad you escaped in good health!

your husband seems so sweet! I love the way you look at each other. You have been through a trauma together and have strengthened your bond along the way. I love that you were able to help open one another's eyes and did it together. Relationship goals!!

This was delightful! I was not expecting to laugh out loud in several spots! Deeply thoughtful, the real and easy yet magnetic energy between the two of you is a pleasure to watch. It's great to experience Jackson's perceptions. He's very forthright, well spoken, and comfortably direct. Good job!!

You guys are so sweet together. This was such a fun video. Thanks for sharing your personal journey.

I knew at 7 -8 years old while giving a talk in sunday school that there had to be more than this, with the church. I was going through temple prep classes with my ex and realized I didn't want to be married to him in this life, let alone time and eternity. I divorced him instead. Never regretting it. I finally had my membership cancelled in 2004. Again never regretting it.

Thank you both for being so open and frank. I'm so pleased that your marriage is going from strength to strength. You are such a delightful couple, it's really beautiful.

This is such a beautiful love story of two people growing together and finding new facets of themselves together! Thank you so much for sharing because its really amazing

that testimony story is WILD, to let that stand and to choose to just not acknowledge it is such a failure of the church. I'm ex-religious myself and that sounds like a call for help that went completely unanswered. I think if I had done something like that in my church people would have come and tried to comfort me and address the doubts, so mind boggling that they chose to handle it by ignoring you. Well at least it seems to have made your path going forward more clear.

I am so inspired by how you two support and push each other to become better and chase your dreams. Congrats!

“Religion shouldn’t be using government to tell people how they should live”. 👏👏 I see why you married the guy. Brilliant. As a former Catholic clergy student I can attest that it takes singular discernment to recognize the flaws in your most cherished teachings and beliefs.