@@xXx_Regulus_xXx He's a youtuber who thinks Dr. K's interviews violate ethics rules, he made a video called Dr. K: Reckless criticizing him and reported him to the Massachusetts Board of Medicine. Dr. K recently made a video called Ethics which indirectly addresses it
This is my post from three weeks ago - the doctors advice definitely helped me to process and move forward. The part where he talks about “people that get fired vs people that don’t” with respect to identity was super eye opening. A lot of my mentors (and also my parents) had never had the experience of being fired, and I could feel some judgement and fear when I spoke about it with them. The event turned out to be a huge blessing and even though I made mistakes I have zero regrets. Im moving forward in life having experienced something i have always feared, and realized it says nothing about my value as a worker/human.
Well just to let you know, and maybe it makes you feel better, maybe it doesn't, but.. I got fired from my job in a restaurant because I just couldn't show up on time. Now I work in a laboratory in a global 500 med tech company, and I can be as early or late as I want as long as I work my 40 hours a week.
@Benjamin Allison Go listen to the actual points that MrGirl made in his videos. He didn't blame Dr K for Reckful's death. He said that Dr K is culpable because he refused to establish his relationship with Reckful as being only friends or strictly professional. Dr K didn't assume the liability that is typical and appropriate for a doctor-client relationship, even though Reckful probably did think that he was receiving medical treatment in his public and private sessions with Dr K. What's even worse, is that Reckful would probably not have been eligible to waive his right to confidentiality under normal therapy circumstances, so it makes the public nature of his "not therapy" sessions with Dr K seem even more exploitative.
Not having failed stuff before can have a huge impact on how you handle failure because success often becomes core to your identity. It's difficult to overcome so I'm glad to see this in my feed even though I've never been fired before
@@jamesgentry13 yeah it can. I don't know how to process it when I *actually* score a win in life. It's like wait...this isn't supposed to happen, what the f/// do I do with this?
The worse part is when you start feeling like a failure, so instead of failing because you aren't good enough when trying your best, you start failing because you don't try at all to spare your ego in case you "aren't good enough". "I would've got it if I tried, maybe next time." - me several times a day The cycle of building my ego and tearing it down is detrimental to my mental health.
@@squilliamfancysoniii And then on the rare instance you can pull it together just long enough try and put in absolutely everything you have yet still fail... sending yourself deeper into the cycle... it's rough buddy.
I got fired during covid because my mental health collapsed, my partner who I was living with dumped me, and I was spiraling into addiction. Because I got fired I spent the next year unable to find permanent employment, and I was denied assistance from the government. I lost my apartment, and was homeless from around August of 2020 to around June of 2021. I’m stable and more healthy than I ever have been. I bought a van and was able to live out of it in between crashing on friend’s couches. In truth going homeless was my choice, because I couldn’t afford to pay any back rent from when I lost my job, so simply selling all my possessions and living on the street was the best worst decision. I can’t regret that decision but now knowing no legal action has been taken on my neighbors I do wish I hadn’t let my fear of owing thousands of dollars to my landlord and dealing with the lawsuits push me into homelessness.
I got fired several years ago, and I've struggled with it for years. On the one hand, it clarified the direction I wanted to take my career, gave me a drive to carry about that change, and informed me on the warning signs of a bad working relationship. On the other hand, I can't help but second guess myself and wonder if I'm incompetent when I make small errors even when I'm objectively winning in the bigger picture.
If your not self employed getting fired is always a possibility, no matter how good you are at your job. Just like the pandemic has shown everyone that did not already know. That this life is fickle, & no matter how much you work to build a sense of security and have a life of stability. It can turn left on you outta nowhere. Often times you have to learn how to adapt to what's going on around you. When you go through adversity you learn that you can go through difficult situations in life. That when there's a fork in the road and something knocked you off your path. You have confidence in yourself to be able to get yourself out of the storms to push forward. Rock bottom will teach you way more about yourself than the mountain tops of successes will ever do. But success is the piles of failures you've made that you are standing on that show you how to get there.
This is going to be long, so bear with me. I was in a very similar situation to the OP - I worked at a company where everyone was passionate and gave 110%, etc. It's typical of a lot of startups. But then we grew. And things changed. In ways that I was uncomfortable with. Reluctantly, I went on interviews (not on company time) and made it known that I was looking elsewhere. But what I really wanted was for things to go back to the golden years. When layoffs came, my name was on the list (along with everyone else that they knew was looking elsewhere). At the time, I was crushed. I had been so passionate about the company! It's a lot like being in a long term relationship and getting dumped. You're heartbroken, even if you had sort of fallen out of love with them. But the following morning, I bounced out of bed. I had so much less stress! I realized that, like being in a crappy relationship, the job had been poisoning my life. And I realized that I would have spent a few more months, maybe even a year, miserable and complaining about it not being what it once was, if not for that boot in the butt. The lay offs saved me months of misery. Looking at it that way, I was able to process the experience. I have never found as exciting and passionate a place to work at, though. And it's probably for the best, because I had zero work life balance at the time.
When you get fired, always think about what is the motivation of the organization that got you fired before thinking about your own errors. Remember than the goal of any hierarchy system (good or bad) is not primarily to hire/reward the people who do best (that might be a secondary role for some) but the people who do well what they are told to do (that IS the point, if not why have any hierarchy at all ?). Often times being fired is not a sign of being lazy or incompetent, it is just the sign that even if you do great stuff, you don't do what the hierarchy system wants you to do. In that case, being fired is not really failing, it is just accepting that you are in conflict with what the company wants.
17:43 that.... was inspiring as hell. I want to be able to do that. I'm having an identity crisis because I was a bad friend and now am trying to be a better friend but it's really hard.
I just cut off one of my “best” friends because of years constant disrespect. All I want is for them to realize their mistakes and become a better person. Treat others the way you want to be treated and become the best version of you, you can be. It’s as simple as that.
@@williamjones3116 I'm glad you were able to recognize your needs and the way they were treating you was wrong. And that's amazing that you still wish the best for them. Some days I hate my old friend I cut off and some days I feel like I just want her back. It's unhealthy because I never really got closure (even though I was the one at fault). I'll take note of your words though. You seem very wise.
The first step is recognizing your own faults in the relationship. At least you have recognized this in yourself. 😊 What a lot of people fail to do is reflect on the ways in which they themselves have caused frayed relationships. People nowadays are quick to blame the other person for why the relationship is bad. The reality is it takes two people to make a relationship work. By you recognizing where you went wrong you can only improve and become a better friend from here.
I've never been technically fired, just laid off. Came to this video out of curiosity, ended up getting a lot more than I expected, especially thinking about how I've dealt with adversities and setbacks for most of my life, especially in dating. I essentially "gave up" on dating after multiple bad experiences and hearing all this stuff about building an identity around those failures and deciding to never try again, really resonated with me. Thanks for this.
@It's Jemmy it may not mean much but I have what I believe is a good job that pays reasonably and it hasn't made attracting women any easier. I'm in the same place I was a few years ago when I made less. You'll always find a reason "why" you can't find someone, but if you had a job it might be something else. For me, the "reason" is that I don't feel all that attractive most of the time and don't meet unique women as much as I used to. The ones I know are all taken. But my point is we can always find a reason why not; the trick is to find a way regardless.
dating objectively sucks most of the time, there are so many crappy people out there. But when you find a good one it's so worth it. Hope you keep trying and don't let other people decide how you feel about yourself - much easier said than done, I know.
@It's Jemmy One sentence in your comment stands out: "I feel inadequate as a human due to a fictional resource created by a set of other people." There's your problem, not money (although having it obviously does help). Other people don't get to decide how you feel about yourself. Like the other commenter said, if you had money there would probably be some other problem you'd focus on instead. Statistics can be cherry-picked all day but they won't solve the root problem of low self-worth, which isn't attractive to healthy people.
oh boy ima need to watch this one. i have adhd and i got fired from the first job that i studied for and actually put effort in. i felt so unmotivated afterwards and even depressed.
You know it's funny, now that I think about it the only jobs I've ever been fired from were the ones I felt like I put the most effort into. When I was an electricians apprentice I was studious, I asked questions, showed up on time, stopped smoking pot, and legitimately tried my hardest - and got fired in spite of it. And later when I was a mechanic I busted my butt get my state inspectors license and get out of the lube tech position and into the state inspector position just to get let go from that shop. I came out of both feeling terrible in the short term, but eventually became more determined to prove assertions that were made about me in both instances wrong. It also made me disconnect my identity from my job/career. This is just what I do for money, it's not who I am nor what I'm worth. And if I am disposable to them, they are equally disposable to me. I was looking for a job when I found this one, and I will be looking for a job when I find the next - it's transitory. And that is OK. But, the jobs I've held since I kind of didn't care if I kept them or not. And now it seems like I couldn't get myself fired if I intentionally tried. Life is weird.
lol i put in 8 years at a place and did everything for everyone, they scheduled me without telling me then fired me for that. i was hurt but then i said fuck em and became a wild land firefighter lmfao. Fuck em, we know our value.
'Never really failed at anything, or got fired' Jeez. What a different life than us ppl that have an experience of continual failure in every aspect of life.
This is why I never fully commit/apply myself to a job. You’re just a cog in the machine and if they can replace you for someone cheaper with no shift/risk in productivity they would do it without a moments hesitance
Advice from the tail end of a career: If you're in an independent studio (game dev in this case, I suspect) that gets acquired by some large corporation, and you are not a ladder-climber at heart, prepare immediately to find a new job. Extract whatever good you can from the acquisition (stocks, your next bonus, etc.) and then just leave. Try to do it on good terms ("I just thought it was time for a change" or "I was interested in Studio B's project") if you can, because you're likely to run into some of the same people again in another company. This, because your happy days in the independent studio will never be matched by your experience in the post-acquisition studio. It doesn't happen. You will feel nothing but ongoing disappointment and unmet expectations. You are a ball on a downhill slope, and you can protest all you like, but gravity doesn't listen. Find a new studio, maybe similar to your old one or maybe even in a better place, and go thrive there, maybe even help the studio thrive if you're really that good. Your life will be so much better in the end. You'll be happy, your productivity will be sustained, and you'll probably still be making decent money. Even if the megacorp gives you a massive salary boost, it's not going to be worth it if you're unhappy. Trust me. Life is short; you want to live it in a happy state far more than you want to live it in a lucrative state.
I was fired at the end of 2020 and I haven't been able to get another job ever since. I've been sending applications, working on personal projects to show my abilities, got some feedback from people on the industry to improve my portfolio but still haven't even got a single interview. Family and friends tell me that I'm good at what I do and I will get something. As you said, there's this identity clash of what people tell me to the silence from my job applications, this led me to believe maybe I'm good but not good enough for those other companies to even notice me and this created a lot of stress on me, to the point that the only thing I've been doing is work and study, I've neglected my family and lost many friends and still haven't got any attention from employers
Despite what the jobs report would say, the job market right now is terrible. I'm college educated, good resume, but the only job I could get after months of looking for any kind of work at all is as a janitor. Here I am hating every second of my job, but I don't have the luxury of quitting, nor do I have the energy to do 10+ applications a week it took me to get this job
In my experience working in a design field you really gotta know someone already working somewhere to get noticed. Don’t know your work, don’t know your industry, but there is a chance your skills might not what is causing you to not get noticed.
@@lauravsthepage I'm a 3D modeler and yep, that's definitely what I've noticed. A lot of podcasts where people talk about their experience getting into the industry, most if not all of their stories have in common the pattern of "I met with X person and later then they invited me into this project and now I'm the lead artist for said company". So far I haven't heard something around "I applied for a position online and they hired me" that's why I'm starting to doubt all those job websites, after using them for over a year, they have never responded me from any of those positions other than the automated response 'we received your application'. Although, a friend got a job using that same method and EVERYONE was asking her "who invited you? Who do you know from here?" And she didn't know anyone, she truly was hired because of her skills and not because someone invited her in. And because of that, in the beginning they started bullying her and giving her more work to do.
@@mandragonna my best friend gets jobs (not in a design field) through online postings and the few jobs she has gotten that way have been the worst companies you can imagine. Probably the reason why no one wanted to recommend someone to work there. I honestly hate it but I do try to do the rounds every now and then of sending “hello how are you doing” messages to former colleagues and even some of my old profs.
As worn-out as it might sound: any "disruption" can be a great opportunity. If we look back to the history of practically every successful person, there were many such events. We grow through challenges
@@danyosuna7276 You will not grow if you are not challenged. That doesn't mean "something terrible" happened necessarily, they are not mutually exclusive.
Very very true. It’s okay to fail, you just gotta pick yourself back up, brush off that dirt and keep moving forward. Even if it’s easier said than done...
@@erisunflower Every time you fail it's a learning opportunity. If you try and remember that, a failure is no longer as much of a negative thing as before...
"I would argue if you're not at a place where you can talk to your manager then that's not a good place to stay." So the majority of 'entry' level work across the US? Literally millions of jobs? Having a manager you can talk about these things with is the exception, not the rule. Sure, we should keep an eye out for managers that will listen and respond to our concerns when we bring them up, but the fact is most can't do anything even if they care and many do not. I think in this situation while what Dr. K says can be good advice in general it's biased by his insulation from the abusive work environments most of us have to deal with. Edit: "They fired you because you were looking for another job, that doesn't make any sense" But that literally happens all the time. The company will fire that person because it's easier to replace them now instead of waiting for them to leave so you can replace them afterwards. Hell people will get fired simply because the boss thinks they are not loyal enough, and learning that someone is looking for another job would qualify for that.
Entry level work is not a good place to stay though? Your aim should be to not stay at entry level jobs. The statement is still true. Also, I had great managers when I was in my entry level jobs that was at least willing to listen to me complain. One of my manager literally said that I can rant if I need to. That's part of her job of managing workers.
@@davidyang3068 "Entry Level" is a meme. It's not entry level, there's little to no upward mobility within a company. You move up by getting hired up. Doing that takes education, getting an education takes time and money. Most don't have either. There literally are millions of single parent mothers that cannot move out of those entry level jobs. There are also millions of other people who are stuck with debt or don't have the money to move. In effect, these people are forced to continue working these shitty jobs because they need to eat, pay bills, and in many cases take care of their families. That means managers dont need to care about their concerns because they can just replace them. This is the norm across the United States. While you have been lucky enough to have a manager that listens, most don't. Most really don't care - even if they want to - because they aren't working in a job that will let them care. Corporate knows it will save more money replacing workers than it will by meeting their needs.
It could be an opportunity in disguise for that person. I personally had a really bad neighbor suddenly move into a zombie house next to me, and attempt to steal part of my property and causing damage to a wooded section of property with heavy construction equipment. He was an Italian hill-billy type that thought he was a Jersey Shore person, minimal education, and had construction assets from his scumbag daddy. Town did not want to get involved. After talking with him to attempt remediate, we had the legal complaint loaded and aimed at his head, my attorney had asked if we were going to move after going through with suing him, because it probably was still going to get worse. At that point, we ended up letting the "Serve-U" (which is the service that gets hired to physically hand off the legal complaint on camera and say "You've been served.") request expire, and set forth in motion a plan to sell our house, because the area had crept into the type of negative environment that we didn't want to live in. We kept a drum beat going and ended up sellling, profiting about $300k and buying into a really nice area with neighbors that align with our views and beliefs (and also are employed and not living off the system while doing under the table construction work). Best decision we've ever made to fix a bad problem we didn't want to deal with.
Another great upload! 'Thinking, Fast & Slow' - listened to the audiobook at 1.5 and noted parts in the hardcopy to read. Only way I could ever get through a book that size, but well worth it. Refer to it often. Eh GPA. Had a professor tell me he approved me entering a program bc my circumstance explained it. Not only was I working full time, but the electives I took were actually difficult. For once curiosity didn't kill this cat lol. Apparently, they're all too familiar with folks talking 'easy A' classes to pad or improve GPA. But can't say I blame the students for trying to improve a metric the system holds so much value in. In the military we were taught to "complain up". I'd have to admit it is intimidating, but as Dr. K points out, those are the folks that can make a policy change.
ah i needed this. I was fired 2 years ago because i was underperforming due to a medical issue. i knew about the issue, but i could not afford treatment. Even 2 years later, with enough money to be treated, i am CONSTANTLY worried that I'll be fired, even though I know I do a good job at my new place. its not a magic pill to understand that i processed the firing unhealthily, but at least i know that there's a way out
This was fantastic 👏 Great for anyone dealing with a disruption to their life and/or sense of self. Im also really glad Dr. K emphasized journaling because that is a practice I use frequently and has really helped me in a lot of ways.
Hey even tho I haven't watched you in a while the stuff you say and the images you connect with that have really stuck with me and helped me a lot On the small chance of you reading this: I really appreciate you and what you do
I got let go two years ago when Covid hit and I seriously wish this video was out at that time. I relate to this so hard, and I've been struggling since it happened. I feel like I wrote that initial message because of how similar my experience and thoughts have been lol The moving on part has been difficult, but I'm getting there.
I'm paraphrasing here, but Alan Watts once echoed a similar sentiment regarding the concept of facts+feelings: imagine yourself as a boat out at sea. An experienced sailor knows to not only hoist a sail, but to always acknowledge the wind. They may tack the sail a certain way in relation to the wind, but they always keep the wind in their sails. If you ignore the wind, you're lost at sea. The trick is recognizing that your emotions are the wind, and they're just as necessary as your rational mind to help you continue on your journey.
Less than an hour ago i got fired from a job i liked quite a bit. I did a good job but i was a closer so when i finished all my work i would leave. I thought it wasnt a huge deal but somehow they noticed i was leaving earlier than my scheduled time and they fired me. I feel like a complete idiot. I feel ashamed of myself. It was my fault i got fired but fuck i still feel like it wasnt a hige deal. Nobody ever complained about my work. People were happy with my help. I feel like my heart is collapsing. I dont know what to do. Im lying in bed feeling pain. Idk whats next for me. I dont have anyone to talk to. Im 24 and i live with an elderly person as a live in maid for an old family friend. Im lucky im not sleeping outside but fuck im so mad and sad. Im mad at this world for being so cruel and strict. Its painful. I do feel like ive lost value as a person.
If therapy doesn't seem to be doing much, you probably need a different therapist. In my experience at least, when I found a good therapist it was like my whole perception of reality shifted after every session.
Sorry about that dude i hope everything works out good, i lost my job last year due to some circumstances we'll need to be strong and take a nice decision for ourselves even if it means risking it all. I just got my first car paid in full (Cash) just 2 months after i lost my job I'm happy for my achievement and the bold step i took when i was at my lowest. Now with the help of RU-vid videos i can be able to learn the basics of driving before getting a driving instructor
Dr.K, this is one of your best videos to date. The discussion of identity and accepting emotions as clues to deeper issues to learn and develop etc. I'm definitley saving this one for a rewatch in a few months
What brilliant advice! I'm currently interviewing with an amazing company for a position I really want. "Owning your mistakes, this is what I have, this is what i can offer" is an amazing way to set the stage, if you want the interview to be successful. People are looking for attitude and aptitude in interviews. Bringing a positive can do attitude, while being a team player is something that organizations desperately need to thrive, start with attitude, then grow in your aptitude. Great video, I would love more content like this!
This reminds me of how my manager said I was walking too slow and threatened to fire me and it made me cry really fucking bad and idk why. I am autistic so maybe it was due to me being yelled at is just really hard to process.
Interviewing on company time is a big no-no and is a legitimate fireable offense because your charging for work that your not doing or monitoring. Lunch breaks and after work is the best time for interviews. Or take PTO or time off.
Ugh. I'm on the verge of being fired right now. I have until next week to show the GM that I'm committed to showing that friendly face for my community. Thing is...I'm not. So I'm just going to hold the line until I find something else.
Breaking the topic to say so and gave me three hundred subs is an ego stroke for you and the person who gifted; no other reason to mention that in the middle of a topic. But you are a genius lol.
i was fired yesterday. preformed great, glowing performance review, and just like that i’m fucked. my housemates are fucked. i have no savings. it’s all fucked.
This is definitely not the right title for a video when I've been worried about your position with all the drama going on lol. Maybe a third-person approach would have been better here.
@@saiikik2727 I’m not sure if people with this opinion just don’t understand how a company works or they don’t want to. You realize they have employees who make these titles to get the most possible out of each video. Idk if you’re imagining dr. K sitting down and going “mwahahahaha I will clicklbait them”
You have to remember who you are. Before any job, you accomplished a lot just managing to get through your teenage years. Its amazing what a person does to achieve maturity. No job loss can wipe that away! The feeling dejection is only an emotion and not the reality of you as a person. This is why emotions are labile and transitory. The reality of who you actually are remains.
I haven't been fired, but I came to this video because I share the mentality in this post. I'm glad I watched this video before I did anything stupid. Let's just say it's been a rough beginning to the year and my emotions have been running wild. I was due for surgery last month, but it was postponed at the last minute (three days before), so I haven't been working since then. Of course, a day before my original surgery was scheduled, I hit a deer in the darker hours of the morning. I was okay, but my car was later deemed a total loss. However, as I still owe $11,000 on it, my emotions have been telling me that I have to keep making payments on my car when I'm going through surgery at the same time. So, I kind of needed this video.
When you've been fired so often for unjust reasons or not even per se reasons that proved you did something wrong. In my country they have this weird rule that after 3 temp contracts they have to permanently hire you. But this causes people to get fired after 3 temp contracts, bc having a permanent employee costs them potentially more. So in 10 years I got fired every 1,5 years (temp contracts are 6 months) and it destroyed my mental health. I'm not even anxious anymore. I'm just straight up tired.
Delivering feedback is only ever effective, if, and only if... it focuses on the task, and offers a viable solution. Focussing on people/personalities or not offering solutions is, ultimately, pointless and dangerous fodder for the politically-minded in the team with which they can attack your performance. It makes you vulnerable essentially. Focussing on the task, customer, business outcome, etc. etc. is **always** safe. Providing a solution makes it clear you're not complaining, you're working to correct the issues. If such issues are caused by the same people then over time this will become apparent... all without you ever being seen to attack them.
Im a psychology major and I feel like I learn so much important stuff on this channel. Obviously the school stuff is important but dr K focuses on real world scenarios so it makes what I’m learning applicable. This ties my learning into a neat little bow I feel so much more prepared than I would otherwise to head into the field since watching.
You who are meditating and becoming sad. It could be adhd - you get a feeling that you are not doing enough/being enough due to your brain being unable to be at rest, combined with past judgment and trauma due to having adhd and being unable to meet expectations placed upon you.
I guess the title's in the mind of the viewer. After watching so many "topic," dr k videos, I didn't for 1 second think Dr k himself got fired. Just assumed reddit.
There’s not a treatment for getting fired because people don’t come to therapy because they got fired. They come to therapy because getting fired made them depressed or angry or question their self awareness etc. What am I missing this seems like something Dr k definitely knows
