I had a meltdown today🥺❤️ 

Seems like kitty knows how to make it better afterwards.

Your sweet kitty come to comfort you at the end was so great!

Thank you for sharing your journey. I get this, people normally don’t understand that I need to be left alone when I’m having a meltdown too.

I had many meltdowns as a young child and teen, and I wasn’t diagnosed with autism at the time… so my meltdowns were seen as anger issues, and I was often reprimanded. Afterwards I’d feel so embarrassed and then would have to deal with the aftermath… and with family members thinking I’m just misbehaved and a bad person… it’s really hard, and I know how it feels. Afterwards, the comedown is really hard to deal with also…

I can really relate to you as another autistic teen. Meltdowns are so hard that they all just blur together into a monotonous feeling of pain and fear when you try to look back on them. The few memories that remain are all jumbled up, and I can't remember which meltdown was which, and sometimes I even forget why I had a meltdown in the first place. I think this must happen to a lot of people. Thank you for spreading awareness and making people feel less alone

I hate my meltdowns. The slightest thing can set me off. Its like there is more input than I can handle.😔😢

I’m a high functioning autistic female adult and it’s extremely difficult even for myself. I have a high masking ability but I have the tendency to shut down and shut everyone out of my life for an extended period of time. It helps but I don’t think it’s a sound solution to my problem. Wishing you well in these circumstances 🥺

"hot static" is a fabulous way of describing a feeling or experience that others may not have ever had. I have experienced "hot static" during/after a meltdown.

The hardest part of mine is being scared of hurting others. I don't. Just raising my voice is enough for me to feel I could be a detriment to who's trying to help me. So leaving me alone is indeed the best course of action because I can just feel my feelings and not worry about anyone else.

Meltdowns suck. I can see you’re still coming down from it in this video. The comedown is worse than the Meltdown itself. Or that’s the way it is with my boy. Sending you big good vibrations. ❤️

❤ I am a 38yo autistic/adhder I have 2 kids with the same diagnosis. You were so strong. You were able to describe what I watched when my kids meltdown; what I feel when I have a meltdown. Thank you so much. I am so glad you have your momma to guide you. Keep making the videos you can. It helps people like me.

Toren’s emotional honesty is wonderful.

Meltdowns can be physically painful can't they. So many people don't realise.

Hey Toren, thank you I know that was difficult for you to talk about and you are very courageous in doing so, because it helps me a Man who was only diagnosed as a 55yr old man, and I recognise myself so much at the same age. I’m glad that you have an understanding Mum, and your beautiful cat to come and help you through those emotionally difficult times. Until you verbalised( British English sp) the memory loss it reminded me of all the times I couldn’t remember an argument, or a meltdown and what I said. Thanks mate I really appreciate you being vulnerable like that.

Hot static is a good description, I think. I've been told by my therapist to feel where in my body I'm experiencing discomfort during intense emotions, and what kind of physical feeling it is. Maybe that can help, it does help me a lot.

I hate meltdowns. I tend not to remember them either, but loved ones have had no issue telling me in great, glorious, guilt-ridden detail. I agree you shouldn't try to interact with someone in a meltdown. I think of it as the emotional equivalent of an epileptic seizure. We have zero control over what we say and do. ❤❤❤

I’m an mother, g-mother and aunt of neurodivergents. The more I watch your mom and you , the more I understand my exciting family members and most importantly myself. You are the first person I have ever related to as for a my “break downs”. I recognize when I need alone time, however if I must “give my time” to other tasks I become very frustrated. I can never process heated conversations and cannot even remember what I just said. I’ve never been able to remember conversations, written transcripts or video I can recall. Thank you for sharing.

Dude, we all meltdown at some point or another- I can see how it would be frustrating not to know the triggers as it's wiped from memory, but maybe you don't get stuck in an endless loop of replaying that 'old tape' trying to figure it out... I dearly love you and your mom- I'm autistic like her, and have a son much like you!

The loosing memory is so real

Youre not alone. It's extremely upsetting to feel, and you're not alone on your feelings.

Thanks for posting this. It's really helpful to see how I'm not alone. I hope others find it helpful too.

Aww it's exhausting. Suppressing feels worse for me

I love how your cat comes over to help. Thanks for sharing, you are really a gift to this world Toren, and I so appreciate your mother, also ❤️

Thank you for voicing this. My son is Non-Verbal. When he has a meltdown his presents with hitting his forehead, check, chin. We got a helmet for when he does this. But he sometimes takes it off. (He’s fast) We got it because he was causing lumps and bruises. It’s heartbreaking to watch.

I'm late diagnosed and I struggle with shame after meltdowns. They're also extremely physically draining to me. I often forget why a meltdown occurred and will sometimes not realize they're coming on until it's too late to prevent them. Wishing you easier moment and so much support!

aw I can relate (ptsd) when I have an episode or panic attack I forget most of it after and get tired after. But my Brain is protecting me from something when I can't remember what ever it was that upset me. When you are ready and calmer maybe you might remember and than you can analyze it more logically. But it upsets me too when there is information mixed in the memory that I really need to remember and can't.

And having a cat who knows is such a gift. Getting cats has helped us so much.

Awwww, Toren! 😢 I can so relate! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this aspect of your life. I’m sure that’s not easy to do, but it sure does make others (like me) feel seen and understood. I’m so sorry you hit a rough patch today. Hang in there, dude.

Meltdown are hard to describe when someone is having one. And when someone wants to help it’s gets harder to understand what they are going through. I’ve been on both sides, specially when my anxiety is getting worse on some days. You are right when you are having a meltdown sometimes your mind will wipe it out, but there are people who are there for you and will help with your meltdown after you calm down. Everyone goes through these meltdowns and we still care and love you no matter what happens. Hope you have better day soon.

Thinking about you all and hoping for a better day tomorrow.

It helps me to think about how our neurology works, so I just think of synapses being overloaded and flushing out (includes short term memory). It's maybe worth thinking of it like very very bad vertigo. Or having a really awful flu for a very short period of time. Don't feel bad about yourself because there is no way to fully control what is basically autonomous nervous system response.

It does happen so fast and even though I've started to recognize the signs I need to just go lay on the floor in a quiet room and stare at the ceiling, sometimes I can't or I try to suppress because I have other things to do which I inevitably regret. For me the feelings of shame and guilt afterwards are the worst. Self-forgiveness and compassion are so important for after meltdowns. ❤

New-ish subscriber, here! And I wanted to say, I think you’re really cool! And unique! And sincere! And entertaining! And weird, in the best way! And also..? Increasingly more and more eloquent in these! Plus still growing and learning! I think you’re going to go on to do GREAT things in life. And in fact, you are ALREADY doing great things, with this channel! Sorry you had such a rough day today. Love and hugs. From me, 35-year-old woman, also on the spectrum, (milder severity than you, though, I think), who used to have lots of meltdowns as a kid. But who rarely has them now. Hopefully it gets better for you, too, as you age.

I'm sure yall have already thought of this but on the off chance you haven't, do you have a self care plan in place for after? Like if a hot bath is soothing with whatever sounds you like hearing that could be good to have that plan for after every meltdown. Or if you just want to sit in a room in the dark with silence? I don't think I'm autistic but I do have something kin to meltdowns that happens to me sometimes and going outside with my headphones in with my favorite music playing helps me after. For my son he just likes to be left alone and walk. When he is done walking he feels much better.

I have never been diagnosed with autism but when I was younger, and even now I have meltdowns. It took me a long time to realise why they happen and still don't know the words to describe it. As soon as it's over, I forget what happened, why it happened, and those around me believe it to be a flaw in me.

I explain it as my brain is a computer and it has to force a restart to save itself. Hang in there it gets better with age.

It's challenging to witness as one can't help but empathize (incidentally my cats also show up for comfort during the post-meltdown cooling period); growing up undiagnosed I often worried that I might hurt someone if I lost control while upset. It's not easy to learn how to manage a behaviour that one has no clear memory of, particularly given that men were (traditionally) taught to suppress our emotions anyway.

thank you for being brave and sharing. you help so many people,

Toren you and your mom are amazing ❤your helping so many people understand what happens to us and what it’s like to be this way . thank you

❤I love how authentic you are and how you share with people to help them learn and support people like you.❤️

I am so proud of you young man. I am a 43 year old female who had ADHD impulsive/hyperactivity type since 3rd grade. We never treated it, so I am a grown woman who still has meltdowns. Somehow it's less understandable to see an adult go through it - I highlight the help and knowledge available today. You got this, and you are NOT alone ❤

I actually had a meltdown earlier today. I got extremely overwhelmed because my dad did something that completely chnaged my routine for the day and I shut down. I dont usually remember what happens either, and its so frustrating when you can't remember. Thank you so much for posting this, because it makes me feel less alone. Thank you ❤

I grew up with autism myself and I had ADHD… so I understand. I’ve been through this exact thing myself… Your not alone keep pushing through you got this.

Thank you for sharing. Thank you Mom for your gentle, thoughtful model. I love the safety of your relationship. You put in the work to be safe.

I understand where your coming from I have a little bit of austism and ADHD. When I was a kid I Was hyper sensitive to anything and everyone which made me a target to bullying.

❤❤❤ I'm so sorry Toren! Wishing you a safe and happy day!

I had a meltdown in front of my step daughter, she was snapping the threads on a wool blanket I wove in college. No one gave me grace, and I was really good, I internalized, caused lots of harm to my internal self, but didn’t yell, or act out. My wife made me feel really guilty, and even though the girl apologized the next morning and I forgave them they never felt comfortable with me again, they had guilt I’m told. It makes me just want to isolate and not inflect my presence on anyone

This broke my heart. Thank you for being vulnerable and brave to share this.

Awh, I’m sorry you had a meltdown ❤ i can 100% relate to this, i can’t usually remember stuff after meltdowns, and as a very moody person: i have a lot of them- almost daily, lol. I love how you express yourself and be completely vulnerable with your audience, it’s beautiful. ❤

I hate having public meltdowns it's so embarrassing and like you said not remembering what you did makes it hard, I seem to create what I might've done in my head and then panic over what I might have done

My meltdowns feel like a whole body headache and feels very tight. I can’t hear because my ears feel so plugged see because I’m crying and all I see is red. or breathe because I’m crying so deeply it hurts. These last for 5-6 hours and as you said the come down period is worse because your body is so exhausted and you can’t relax and you just want to sleep but you can’t. Toren you are not alone I’m 20 and have experienced 100’s of meltdowns. Just know there are others like you it’s not only you there of millions of autistic people this is the negative side of autism the positive side is our rapid recall of our special interest facts. Then once the meltdown is over I like to be in my room alone with my headphones on and rock or script and repeat songs from my childhood. I like to be under my weighted blanket and that really helps me.

You explained that perfectly for my neurotypical brain buddy thankyou

Undiagnosed ADHD here, possibly autism too. Absolutely drowning here and had the meltdown on the phone with my team leader because the workload they're giving me just isn't possible. I'm stressed, I'm overloaded, and I'm not receiving any accommodation whatsoever bc I'm not diagnosed but I can't afford to be. I see you, I feel you and I'm crying with you.

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you so much for sharing

Such a gift to have such suport and awareness so early in life. I am almost 40 and only understanding myself now.

Take your time!, and hug that sweet kitty ❤️

Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable moment and your insight. It helps others to know some strategies to help and when just to step back and come back later to support, though it is always a bit heartbreaking to watch people go through something and feel helpless too. Be gentle with yourself and know that you touch many people's lives. Feel better and I hope the rest of your day is full of sunshine.

Thank you, helps me understand my lil Mr. Hes got such a huge heart an totally falls apart after "meltdowns" ❤

Thank you, Toren. You're eloquence and willingness to share your vulnerability is a gift to so many people. Your beautiful cat is very sensitive to your emotional state.😊

Hope you feel better soon and thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. It's really courageous and I hope that you can be proud of yourself. Also lots of love to your mom for her great compassion and all the care she's giving. Sorry if this sounds weird, I'm not a native speaker. But I wanted to share my thoughts for your very helpful, insightful videos and your courage to put yourself and your journey out there

My son has autism too, and as a mom I can understand how intense and draining meltdowns are. Thank you for sharing this moment with us, and for bringing awareness to so many people. You're an amazing young man. I wish you a better tomorrow. 😊🫶

Sending comforting vibes. Feel better soon. I'm a middle-aged autistic woman. I seldom have meltdowns, but when I do, I still remember them. Most of the time I just cry. Generally I can control everything except the crying. Even on those occasions when I want to scream and/or smash things, I can refrain. It's mostly an explosive internal reaction.

Meltdowns suck, I never know what’s going to set me off. my cat also comforts me after I’ve had a meltdown too. Thank you for posting these videos; they’re really informative and they make me feel like I’m not alone in this world that is made for neurotypicals.

Thanks for sharing this. I hope you feel better. I nearly had a meltdown in public the other day and it was scary so I get it ❤

That was incredibly brave of you, to so openly share your emotions. You really are helping others in bigger ways than you can imagine. You are an amazing person. ❤

Thank you so much for helping us understand better and to not interfere. My grandson has autism and I need your wisdom and courage to cope. 🙏🏼 Bless you, kind soul….

How lovely to have caring family to discuss and support through. ❤

❤Thank you for your courage in showing such raw footage It helped me understand someone I love who can’t always find the words to share such raw feelings❤️much love to Toren and family what you do matters and you make a difference in the lives of everyone whether autistic or those of us who love them❤

You are helping so many people with your videos. Thank you! ❤

You are so brave and so strong. Thank you for sharing. I'm Neuro typical trying to learn all I can to understand a good friend I care about very much that is Neuro divergent. Your videos have made an enormous impact and have helped me so much. I just wanted you to know that you have made a difference in our lives and I am so grateful for you. The world is a better place because you are in it. ❤️

One of the hardest things for a human being to do is to realize when their somatic stack is getting to big…. (a somatic stack is a build up of unresolved or unrecognized feelings, sensations or emotions). Everyone has this, and of course it’s different for all of us. When it gets to much, we all blow….. that is the out of nowhere sensation. It’s seems pretty normal that your experience would be taxing and I have complete empathy for how frustrating it would feel to have that disconnect. I love that you named breath as a tool. Intensional breathing is so incredibly healing, especially if you do an in through the nose and out the mouth. This scientifically proven pattern reduces stress and is calming to the body. I am going out on a limb here, but I feel like self compassion and maybe a song of breathing might be supportive. You did the very best you could, you made it through….. and more than that you shared your story. Your courage will help so many people know they are not alone. That is an act of personal power, one can not help but to admire.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I still remember all the meltdowns I don’t remember - especially bad during teen years. Once I really got a handle on my stress, and really keeping a grip on my emotions, they got better. I pray you experience the same thing as you get older. I have a very low stress life now and I haven’t had a true, amnesia level meltdown in over 10 years. I have had shutdowns that I knew meant I needed to withdrawal and recoup or my family would see a side of me I couldn’t take back (and probably wouldn’t remember) but we can manage those and I am ok with those… I pray in time you find some sort of similar solace and control… and amount of environmental control I need to not have meltdowns is very high… so it’s not like I’m “better” - but I found a system that works to keep me safe and healthy, and keep my family safe and healthy too.

the thing that struck me most about this is.... what a wonderfully supportive Mom you are ❤

You have the best mom, and I am so glad you are able to share your experiences as well as you do, so you both can help others. As an undiagnosed AuDHD parent, I did my best to help support my kids during their meltdowns.... unfortunately we didn't have nearly as many resources then, and I had to advocate in the courts, at schools, to family members.... It was exhausting, for my kids and for me. Videos like this are a fantastic resource for parents trying to explain why the ABA a judge orders is making things worse, not better. Or for explaining why school resource officers are escalating situations, and that giving kids the space they are asking for is the best de-escalation technique.

It's really validating to hear that other people get these memory wipes from during a meltdown. I always hate that after such an emotional time, I just don't remember anything. Also such a sweet kitty ❤

I'm an autistic adult. We are not safe in society because of meltdowns. I have been handcuffed and taken away for weeks because I made people uncomfortable. I have developed PTSD and great fear of law enforcement and EMS. I hope someday it becomes safe for us to exist. Compassion for you my friends.

Thank you for having the strength to share this. I'm so sorry you have to go through that. We all love you! ❤

Toren, thank you 100% for sharing all that you do. The fun times along with the really vulnerable ones. You are so brave and so beautiful. You are making a difference. Hugs.

Thank you for sharing yourself with us. I have a 7 and 9 year old who are AuADHD, it's very difficult when they are having a meltdown to know what to do. I've always seen smaller children with autism and I couldn't really figure out what our future could look like (I've kinda been stuck in survival mode), but you help me. Again thank you.

Aww, sweetheart. Big hugs to you and anyone who goes through this, and their loved ones xxx

This absolutely broke my heart and I felt so sad for you Toren. I had tears rolling down my face, for 2 reasons actually because I wish this didn’t happen to you and because I’ve seen it so many times in my own daughter, and I always feel so helpless…! Thank you for sharing this and thank you for your mum for her gentle and kind warm manner. I felt so happy you had her with you today ❤

You are doing such a great service. Thank you Toren. You speak for so many

Thank you for sharing. It's very helpful in letting others know that they are not alone. You and your family are doing wonderful work!

I love the sweet relationship you and your mom have. I’m so sorry that you have struggles at times. You are such a bright, articulate, and kind young man. Keep being perfectly you. ❤

You are a beautiful young man. Be kind to yourself! I’m sending lots of healing energy and prayers.

Bless you, you're so courageous to share your inner world x

I have autism, I love how you help people feel understood and supported

Thank you Toran. That had to have been difficult, but I appreciate your advice. Have a wonderful day.

Thank you very much for sharing this. My son lives with autism and schizoaffective disorder and has difficulty communicating what is going on with him. This helps me to understand what it’s like for him and where I need to adjust how I approach it.❤

Thank you so much for sharing this, we are just at the start of our journey with my son ASD testing, already ADHD diagnosed. This helps so much!

I'm understanding myself so much more by stumbling across your channel, and watching your journey, and what you share about your mom. I'm also learning for my niece's sake. She overcame being nonverbal for 11 years but for 3 years has chosen not to speak and keeps to herself most of the time (she's 14). Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing. You're lovely people to try and help others understand.

I’m sorry you were having a rough time. Meltdowns are never fun. I’m so proud of you for getting through it. Sending love and support 🤍

Poor sweet boy. Stay strong. We are with you. 💚

Thank you for sharing! Hugs and I truly appreciate this channel. I am learning more about how to better understand myself and my daughter.

Thank you for your honesty and rawness ❤️

I'm sorry you had a meltdown today. I know how painful, distressing, and exhausting it is. It's amazing your mother can help you during meltdowns, I've always wished to have someone to help me when it happens. I hope you get some rest and recover soon

Praying for you!! Thank you for sharing this!! You're a strong person!!!

Thank for being open about it. Sometimes I wish I could know how to help in case I see someone having one meltdown. Is good to know that not trying to help may be the better help I can give to someone passing trought meltdown. Love your videos

My heart breaks for you 😢 thank god your mom and dad are so wonderful. And your cats must be such a comfort. Thank you to you and your wonderful community for sharing how meltdowns are for you all. I wish with all of my heart that you didnt have to go through these ❤❤❤❤❤ i wish for tomorrow to be a wonderful, light day for all of you! Much love, prayers and hugs ❤❤❤❤