Its honestly sad this guy is struggling to connect with his son. I hope their relationship continues to get stronger and better as his son continues growing up.
I'm pretty sure this is a common feeling new parents can have. It takes awhile to process having a child and completely changing your life to keep them alive and happy. It's hard to relate to something like an infant when all they do is eat, sleep, crap, pee, and cry. I'm sure as the kid grows up, their bond will get stronger. Especially when their kid forms their own personality and begins to speak.
@@as_below_so_above I think it's actually just because he's the father. I went through similar emotions when my son was born an the way I rationalized it was that she got to spend 9 months with him before I even get to see his face. an truthfully I only enjoyed it once he could answer yes or no for food or water, or grab my hand an pull me up cause he wants to go on an adventure.
It is very possible to turn it around. I was suicidal 20 year opiate and benzo addict. I was so far gone, at the time it seemed impossible to fix myself. I got to the point I was stealing pills from father that was on hospice. My entire family got together and pulled an intervention on me. The day my father died was the day started treatment. Before he passed I made a promise to him that I would get clean and try to be happy. That was 6 1/2 years ago. After treatment I pulled my frazzled ass together and got a temp job. A year into sobriety I had a son. I kept going to therapy and worked my job. I focused on fatherhood and hard work Now 6+ years later I am the production supervisor for the whole company and haven’t relapsed once. I’m a proud dad and I feel like I’m on the right path. I have put a lot of energy into my recovery. I am now turning 44 in 2 weeks. I can’t say I’m totally happy but i have positive direction. It is possible. You get what you put into it l
Oh no. Salmon. I feel him, my wife had HELP syndrome and preclampsia, bleeding out on the floor, and my sons heart rate just continued to drop every contraction because he had the chord around his neck which cut off the blood flow to his brain every time, and then when he was finally out, he was born with a collapsed lung and was placed on my wife's chest, lifeless and she freaked out, yelling to the doctors something was wrong and he wasn't breathing, so they rushed him onto oxygen and rushed him out to emergency surgery. All the while my wife is bleeding out on the floor, and then into a vac. Just a couple buckets worth... Thought they were both going to die 100% and very well could have. Nearly did. Had to be taken to a specialist hospital 2 hours away, and we decided I should stay up there with him because my wife couldn't safely be moved. Ended up staying up there for a week, not one single night of sleep in 6 straight nights as both were in critical condition for the first 3 days, and my son for another 2. Finally got released and they just handed me the baby and said to drive him home 2 hours away. Brought him all the way back 2 hours on my own on no sleep for the week and finally back to my wife, and she couldn't feed him properly now because he had to be started on a bottle while in hospital, so she developed severe post-natal depression. Because they lost that super important first week of bonding, she found it incredibly hard to connect with him and move past all the trauma to the point she once said she hates him touching her, just because it brought her so much pain not being able to feed him, and not having that initial bonding connection etc. Which was scary to hear. Just fyi, he's now 2 and happy and healthy and has a great relationship with my wife and is loved more than anything. But holy crap, that was a difficult first few weeks, and then over 6 months of severe depression for my wife, and I just had to 'man up' and keep everything bottled up inside so I could get it done and look after them both because if I broke, then she would never have been able to hold it together, and he needed to be cared for. Now that was a true test of my own mental fortitude. All that on top of already having insomnia and chronic pain, then add a newborn to the mix and the constant demand that takes physically and mentally. Poor Salmon was really having a hard time, and I fully understand how scary the situation with his partner having preclampsia was. Hope things got easier for him.
I want all the dumb kids in the comments who are all "tHiS is WhY U DoNT HaVe KIdS WhEn uR not REadY" to read this and fully grasp it. They're in for a rude awakening should they ever be lucky enough to start a family of their own.
You, sir, are a man and a half. Your wife went through her own hell but hearing this sh,t from your perspective is... Best of luck to you and your small family
I had a son with my ex in August 2022. We stayed together the first 12 months and I’m grateful to her helping me build a routine. I was fortunate to take time off after his birth. It wasn’t planned and I remember feeling distant in the beginning. I distinctly remember falling in love with him when I would rock him to sleep in months 2-3. Like I would be shushing him and would feel the tingle of love in my heart as I stared at this beautiful boy. After we broke up, we tried to coparent but she wanted to move home to move back in with her parents. I decided to accept my fate for my son and move across the country a month ago. He’s napping in his room right now. I would give up and sacrifice everything to be in his life.
@@Bignboofer69thanks man. That’s nice of you to say. My son is the best and the only joy I have right now in life is being his dad. I’m hopeful I can find someone and show what a loving relationship looks like.
If your answer to the question “Do you want to have a kid/be a parent?” is not an enthusiastic yes - it’s a no. Don’t force yourself to be a parent if you’re on the maybe camp. Being a parent is a LIFELONG journey.
Actually no. Some people want to think things through because having a child is not easy thing to do. They realize having a child includes both positive and negative life changes and while the good thing outweight the bad, the negatives just don't disappear. On the other hand those who are very enthusiastic to have a child might ignore the negatives and then when the reality hits... It really depends on the person and situation. And you don't have to be 100% sure or happy about your choice even after having a child, the only important thing is to take care of the child. And no matter how sure you were you don't know what you're really going to feel.
Absolutely!!!so much responsibility and sacrifice is needed to raise a kid to grow up healthy. I never understand and will never understand how anyone would just have a kid when they themselves are in horrible conditions and aren't even happy, how the hell is their kid gonna grow up happy either then???
This is an important conversation for people to hear, I think. It’s really good work to be able to be honest about your feelings, while being able to recognize the damage that will cause your child, and take action to heal the underlying trauma and strengthen the bonds that aren’t coming naturally. As a former kid with a parent that seemingly didn’t want kids: My dad didn’t like kids, and we felt that and the distance even when we were little. We would cry when he had to watch us by himself. Our mom was our mom but our dad was just a guy, basically. Now he’s depressed that we’re not close with him, and it’s like, sorry, you could have changed our perception and relationship with you when it would have had an impact, but you didn’t. There were other things as well of course. It’s so great that this guy is aware and he’s doing something about it!
I started therapy at 22. It really helped me completely change my life in just 5 years, and that's been on and off coverage. I had to take a whole year off because my insurance stopped covering. So in 4 years therapy basically formed me into an entirely different person. A better person.
I am 46 just for my sake I hope the gecko is wrong about turning it around at an old age because I have been sober for over a year I didn’t even see my addiction coming and it didn’t happen until I was 32 but I have gained 50 lbs I feel great and want to live and be there for my family. I was depressed and didn’t know who I was for a very long time when I’m my twenties I was the life of the party sometimes life just knocks you down it’s how you finish not how you start gecko have some hope in humanity sir
@@TheDirtymikenation who said I am taking advice I didn’t call the man but I do enjoy his show and would love for him to feel hope never know when it might be you that is down and out. And your comment is not only disrespectful but you would not say that to my face I guarantee it why can’t people just be nice you are the problem and I will say that to you and your momma later when I talk to her
The thought matters a lot. If uou acknowledge your issues, express desire to improve and most importantly actually start improving. That's huge. Seeing an 80 year old racist grampa realize him being an ass to people and actually trying to change even if he doesn't have long left. That's already a lot, both for the people around him and possibly for the rest of his life knowing he isn't gonna go out being hated or talked smack about by everyone.
As a dad, I feel his battle with not bonding with an infant. I was the same. We didn't genetically grow the baby to instantly have such an attachment so we aren't meant to feel guilty. Dad's aren't gifted with a psychological attachment, we have a social attachment.
Its the same for women, why do you think there's so many shitty moms? The concept of bonding with a baby is a made up social construct, magic love doesn't exist. I know women who didn't like their baby but it's a taboo topic
This guy automatically reminded me of a guy I met on Destiny, ironically lol I was 20yrs old and unknowingly (due to DEEP chronic repressing that I wouldn’t notice fully until I was 21) going through verbal/(light) physical abuse at my moms condo- the guy I met on destiny was a 32yr old pharmacist but he sounded the exact same as this guy sounds lol it’s just therapeutic in and of itself that this guy exists and I hope he knows that he’s going to be okay❤😅❤ Edit: the pharmacist was a soothing voice in my life who genuinely simply helped me in the game/ wasn’t creepy at all. I hope that guys doing great also lol Fantastic conversation! Thanks therapy Gecko!
Being a father would be nice. Sometimes. And I would be okay at it I think (I work as a tutor and the parents always praise me for how great I am with maintaining a good relationship with the kids. Obviously that's not the same but that's something). However, I'm at a point of my life where after literal decades of confusion, fear, loneliness and self-hatered, I'm starting to get a sense of who I am, and a sense of indepedcence and given what I had survived, I am not going to give it away. I deserve being selfish about this and by choosing that, be able to be loving and giving to other people in my life. But I'll get a dog in the future. That's a given.
I love that not having children is becoming less of a taboo nowadays , as someone who was born into a family that didn’t want them in the first place thank youuuuuu for realising that and not conforming and not causing more suffering for the world
I’m going to tell my kids that “The Geck” is actually just “Julian Dorey” wearing a cheap Halloween costume. No joke though, I actually thought Lyle was podcaster Julian Dorey in a suit 😂
It gets easier to enjoy raising children as they age because its easier to relate to them and you get to start seeing the results of your efforts parenting. Infants are notoriously frustrating and much of that comes from the fact infants are essentially just mammalian larva; especially for men as we are not programmed to understand infants like women are. Edit: I am not a parent. In fact I am quite litteraly a bastard. Take my opinions as you will.
Ive watched hankschannel and in one short he says ice is a rock.. and someone in the comments stated that we are in fact, lava monsters (because of minerals). 😂
People look at being okay as some big thing. Get a beer, go fishing, catch a fish and eat it. Being "okay" is up to you. Doesn't matter how bad of a day you've had. A beer, a joint/bong, and just sitting at the lake/river thinking about life. Preferably with a buddy, you don't have one, get a dog. Or cat. That would be cool.
You absolutely cant have children when your arent ready. I repeat, you absolutely can not have children when you arent ready. I hope this guy actually turns into a good dad.
Seems unlikely tbh. I don't have children because I don't want them and frankly, can't afford them but if I did I couldn't imagine not loving them from the second they're born. This whole story is pretty bizarre. And can this dude be trusted around his kid if he doesn't love them?
@@Elduderino9097 I hate to be like this, but if you haven't tried having kids of your own you just don't have a clue and your opinion has zero value-provided we're not talking about someone beating their kid or whatever. This guy is trying. He's doing the work. He's a committed parent. That's all you can ask of anyone. The rest is between him and the universe.
Geck, getting closer to 30 makes you more comfortable with yourself, you accept your defeats and have better goals for yourself. It reallt does make a difference. Donr listen to reddit at all lmao
I'm tired of SOME people demonising men for not wanting kids. They are not lazy or immature if they don't share the opinion that people at certain age need to start a family. Not wanting kids does not mean only wanting sex without consequences. It does not mean aversion to family values. It does not mean the guy is a bad/weak/childish person. Tired of guys being forced into fatherhood when they don't truly connect with the idea, simply because there is a threat of their significant other leaving. Being parents should never be something you compromise your values for. Because ultimately the kids you bring into the world will suffer, if you do.
exactly it’s stupid to force people into having children it’s a lifelong responsibility and I really don’t blame people for not wanting to do it bc I had to raise siblings due to incompetent parents and it’s hell and takes literally everything away from you , your time your sense of self etc
You’d love martial arts geck. Most gyms are going to look poorly on beating up on beginners or anyone who isn’t trying to spar hard. The only guys who should be getting worked are guys who are actually training for an upcoming competition or the training partners helping those guys get ready
Those things are rarely on google. You find out about them when you're there. People know people, ya know. But he had an enlightenment, not an exorcism, weird because it's coming from a therapist.
My best friend went thru the same shit, he didn’t start loving his offspring like he thought he would until around 4-5. He just doesn’t like babies and toddlers. He needs decent interaction with the human.
i read some were that the first 13 weeks in life are important for the baby, if u are wasting those first 13 weeks thinking about how much u hate him u will have a kid that will think killing himself... so do u see the circle?
Words up, dude. I can't relate to this guy. And im all kinds of fucked up. I still connected with my son very quickly. Within moments of being born, I was singing to him, playing with him and his parents' love shows. He's not even two, and he's leagues beyond most 3 year-olds we encounter. you will literally get what you give. This dude gives himself to video games, stress, and his own career. It's easy to be scared, but that's too bad. Me and himself and possibly yoy are parents now, and it's time to get with it.
@@Kevenough me to dude, so an advice for young parents... do it like a list, if u had a bad child hood... make a dam list like Keven speechified: talking , hugging and playing with the kid at a constant every day....
Anyone who plays MMORPGs like WoW, Destiny, etc... are gonna be total no-lives in every aspect of the phrase. Those games are designed to take as much of your time as possible to make progress, all the while feeding you a constant drip hit of dopamine from leveling up a skill or finding a sword that does 1% more damage until you reach your arbitrary goal. By the time you reach your goal, there is a new DLC with another 500 hours of gameplay for you to grind out. MMOrpgs are different from every other type of game in that they are constantly feeding you dopamine, rather than making you earn it through skillful gameplay. Yes, all games are designed to dump dopamine, but they actually require you to play the game to get the hit. In Counter strike, you only get dopamine when you get a kill, which takes a degree of skill that you must earn. In WoW, you are getting dopamine hits every 5 seconds from killing weak enemies, leveling up, looting, etc... The point of this rant is no wonder this guy can't bond with his child. Because he cares more about grinding his fantasy characters to max level than taking care of himself or his family.
You say he has no life but he has a masters degree and a wife and child. I agree that mmos are designed to waste your time, but saying that everyone who plays them has no life is way too much of a generalization.
