For the first caller, that woman did not respect his boundaries and clearly did not care enough about him to not bring alcohol around him. She knew that he had an issue with drinking. She stepped over his boundaries with no regard for his well-being. And then when she realized that she didn't really like him in the way that she thought, or in the way that she portrayed, she reached for an out, even though it was a stupid one, and immediately went for cutting remarks about his crying, and got mad about his drunken accident. That person is a toxic individual and, frankly, he was lucky that he found that out before they got married.
i agree, i understand how what she said really got to him. she pretty much kicked him when he was down by saying that. its gonna sting for a bit but hopefully he can be mindful that there are better people out there.
This is exactly what I came to write. That was horrible and almost criminal of her. To John, sending you a lot of love. But you know: the fact you chose someone specifically to compel you to get your shit together MEANS that YOU WANT to take care of yourself. This is actually a (clumsy) step towards something great. Keep going towards self care ❤ & Please... Let professionals help you. Someone you could trust like the acid therapist. Sounds like he helped you release your shame? There's no shame to have btw in your story. Lots of love again.
Naturally he would feel comfortable where boundaries are broken, his boundaries and consent have been breached on a whole entire level from opioid abuse done by his own mother, the fact he's attracted to older abusive women that stomp over him is normal from the relationship he had with his mother. The only way out is the way in for this man.
Not being able to be with a guy because he cried in front of you is so wild to me. Idk if I’d be able to deal with the drinking, but crying shouldn’t be a reason to respect somebody less or anything like that. It kind of makes me mad tbh
yeah it kinda suggests how delusional and/or dissociated a person is when they arent comfy or okay with others being that way- sexism aside (which is also a part of it)
Yes I cry in front of my gf multiple times a week, usually from watching movies, they make me cry. Couldn't imagine being with somebody so emotionally repressed
if i was less empathetic i could imagine using “i dont fuck with pussy boys that cry” as an excuse to break things off and not have to go into other reasons im not interested, or simply use it as a malicious attack to strike someone to their core if they pissed me off. people dont have to be truthful to eachother
I didn't realize I loved my ex until he cried in front of me. To see such a raw and vulnerable expression as something bad is genuinely tragic and a sign of a troubled soul.
To the men reading this: it’s okay to cry. What that woman said is absolutely insane and I feel like a cop out. Please express your emotions, you’re human and need to
SERIOUSLY. I could not imagine seeing emotional vulnerability as a downside? I’d feel more connected with that person especially if they’re male because of the stigma. And for her to open up to him at first and then turn around and say she couldn’t be with a guy who cried in front of her… what an asshole
For all the stories you read about women shunning men who cry, please know there are women like me who understand how important and sacred emotional expression is. Anyone shaming others for crying has issues of their own to work out, it's not something every woman does.
It’s nice cause you can tell a lot of these people (caller 1 in this case) are able to really just trauma dump. It sounds like they never have before. Good for them.
the first story is wild. this poor man. no one asks to become an addict. this man didn’t even have a “choice” in the matter. (i understand no one has a “choice” but this was literally not even him choosing to TRY a drug).
Many, many, many addicts will outright say "It's a choice I make and I'm gonna continue to make it." I've personally been sober off and on many times in my life. It's always a choice. There's hardly anyone who doesn't choose it.
@@KevinTheCardigan For another perspective, maybe one could see it as a disease that starts with a choice. Not to say that disease can’t be “cured” by making another conscious decision. In this guys case, he quite literally didn’t have a “choice”. People can argue the topic of that all day but imho I think it’s a disease that starts with a choice and can be ended with another choice. I’m an addict myself and sort’ve want to quit, but I don’t want it enough. Maybe one day… but then you get into the concept of “tomorrow men” where tomorrow never arrives. They just bring me too much comfort with some of the stuff in my life recently. Idk, just rambling, hope everything in this comment section is doing well.
No. It's not a disease. It's not something outside of your control. That is the biggest lie that needs to stop being spread. That mentality comes from the 12 steps book which is about surrendering your decisions to Jesus. This religious stuff works for a small amount of people, but it's based on surrendering your free will. It's a reality most people can't escape from - having free will. They are addicted to the freedom of their choices.@@thahrimdon
@@thahrimdon The idea of it being a disease, or something outside of your control, are both factually incorrect and both stem from the 12 steps book. In case you're not aware, those 12 steps guides are all about surrendering your free will to Jesus and God. If that works for you, great, but it does not work for the majority of addicts who above all else, are addicted to their free will.
I super relate to the first guy as I started college that same semester. COVID brought out the worst in a lot of people and I lost many friends to the alcohol/weed rabbit hole that they dug themselves into while school was virtual. They couldn’t shake the habits when everyone came back and I couldn’t handle the verbal abuse that I was subject to while my friends were intoxicated. I barely talk to anyone from college anymore.
I knew the first guy was prior service because he said the famous quote “living the dream” when being in a bad situation. Man you dodge a bullet. That girl was toxic and I’m so sorry you had to go thru that.
There's a reason a woman like that is older and still alone without kids, and so desperate to get married soon and have them. Because every man prior has deemed her unfit to be the mother of their children. Shes going to teach any young man you have with her the same bs of being emotionally closed off and perpetuate that disgusting behaviour. As I said, any woman worth being married to and being a mother would already be one. Shes someone that needs to die alone.if she hasn't figured out how wrong some of her positions are, like how she can be emotional, but you can never, and it disgusts her that you were open and emotional with her... she needs to stay single so she doesn't ruin any young lives. My wife wishes I was more emotionally open with her and sees it completely the opposite. I was raised by abusive parents that were similar and saw emotion as a man as weakness. So that damage still hits me now. But I'm with a good woman who loves me. So she wants me to be more open and present with her. I don't have to always be this steel cage of emotion. The strong man that doesn't let anything touch me. She wants me to be more open and honest with her. And if I cried infront of her, she would only feel more connected, let in and understand me better. That's what you want, and that's why shes the mother of my kids. I've been with women like the one you're discussing. There's a reason they were older and still alone. Just think of all the men before you that were with her and came to the same realisation that she wasn't worthy of being a parent or wife and left her.
To the gentleman who shared his story here... I hope you get the help you deserve... Not just need but deserve! You deserve the chance to process all the stuff you have been through so that you don't have to carry it around like a ton of rocks for the rest of your life. Please find therapy, find AA, find whatever works for you (it can take work to find what works, I know)! You are already an amazingly strong person... please give yourself the grace you deserve! ❤
If the girl said “you’re on vacation” and messed up your sobriety, stay far far away from her. A partner would care for you and support you and not enable you.
Something the first guy said about AA reminded me of a thing I heard in a John Mulaney special. Something about recovery from addiction being much easier if you're surrounded by people trying to do the same thing
That older woman havested your energy bro. Recognize what she really wanted and you won't have to worry about yourself so much. Keep looking for good people they are out there.
Lyle is spot on with John. Don't be hard on yourself, John. AA isn't that bad. You can sit in, and you don't have to share or speak with anyone. Just listening is good enough.
To the first caller I heavily relate and am currently on my own personal healing journey. I’m working on my sobriety and I’m really proud of myself cause detox is hard as hell man but I feel so much better already. Please give yourself patience and lean into the good people around you. I turned 30 in November of last year and I truly had never felt more hopeless or worthless. I had no self esteem and invested everything into others mentally, physically, financially and spiritually. It was exhausting and I implore you to finally invest in yourself. It’s never too late and finally finding a good therapist was huge after trying so many others. I also went through intense abuse for most of my life whether it was parents, friends, siblings or my partners. You deserve so much more than your past and I promise you’ll get there eventually. It’s lots of ups and downs but I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time and I hope you can too soon.
Thats wonderful! Keep doing what you’re doing. It can be hard to find happiness when you feel so hopeless. I’m so glad you overcame! One day at a time 💕
1st guy.. Please keep trucking. She's no good. This aint on you. You'll find someone that loves and support you for all your good and bads, supports you in all the ways to need it.
this guy has been apologizing for existing for a long time...and i get that...because i do the same thing. i feel like i have to tip toe around everyone else's bullshit and i have to constantly apologize for my being there..anything i say...anything i do..especially if it's misunderstood...which it constantly is. I get this guy. we both need to stop apologizing for existing
Geck, if you ever find that you're out of your normal setup, with your greenscreen and whatnot, an alternative may be using the background remover from Nvidia Broadcast. Assuming you're using a laptop, this would require a RTX card, BUT the application for someone who's always moving around like you are might be super useful :)
The first caller should look into wise mind (DBT skill)- the balance of using our emotional and rational sides. Sounds like he has shame of his emotional side, and relies on his rational side mostly. Makes sense since being in the defence force encourages this type of way of thinking.
Feel bad for the first caller. I got with a 33yr old when i was 22yr old and it was strictly sexual. But we drank A LOT for the short time we hung out but one night i had also pissed the bed and all she did was wake me up, make me flip the matress over i changed my bottoms and we went back to bed. Lol.
LMAO I also was in an age gap relationship and the first time we officially hung out we drank too much and I threw up all over the couch while repeating “I’m so sorry” lolll. He even sat in the shower to wash the throw up off his pants and got me towels 🤷♀️. Then we went to sleep. Shit happens, but the person is already hating themselves why u gotta make it worse.
I've met some people that lose all respect for men who they see cry. In my opinion, I've yet to meet someone that thinks that way and is worth your time. These people outright deny a person their humanity. Look if you're just out looking for frills and thrills, it's understandable you don't want to be around someone crying. However, you can't be expecting to get into intimate relationships with emotionally available partners and also expect them to bottle up their emotions to meet some fantastical ideal of what you think the perfect partner is. Now if you are set on that, then you'll want to look for a sociopath. People like that do exist, but ya gotta understand the ponds you fish in, and be respectful of the fish in it. And if you can't respect the fish, then don't go fishing.
Handing your child opiates is insanity I am scared to take my 18yo to get her wisdom teeth out because I'm so afraid she'll enjoy the opiates after. Addiction is a special kind of hell
If it’s any consolation, I had my wisdom teeth removed without anesthesia. I took Tylenol. But I would say get your daughter to take what she’d prescribed and trust her pain and judgement. I was prescribed T3s for chronic migraine and had to use Narcan on myself for a mild overdose, taking the med as prescribed. I haven’t touched the stuff since. Still have chronic migraines but getting by.
AA and NA are open to the public and are trauma dump/positive news in your life meetings. Yes in the program there is a religion aspect that you dont have to follow to be part of the meetings.
I have been to AA if you are drinking hard liquor switch to beer or low potency alcohol and slowly taper off by setting a limit. Eventually to two beers a night to none at all
John, you need to surrender yourself to help without any preconceptions and judgements. Being perceived in a way favorable to you only serves to harm you, it sounds like you grew up in abuse and it left you with vulnerabilities, all accumulate into the manifestation of your current self. You can improve in all the ways you want if you surrender to your vices and seek treatment, therapy didn't work? Try again, triage your problems and put in the effort.
Bro I got drunk one night, more like buzzed, and cried in front of my gf too. Bro she called her parents and my parents saying I was being aggressive. Last time I’ll ever open up to her.
From my understanding, crying releases cortisol and other hormones/toxins so it's helpful for resetting your system. Emotions are healthy and natural as long as you don't take them out on others or yourself in a damaging way. Specifically men, please don't feel weak or less than for expressing yourself. It's normal. And intellectualizing is not the same as feeling lol still trying to figure that out for myself. Cut yourself some slack ❤
I used to be in the army and now im doing geology too 😂 living the dream not in a sarcastic army way. I was like i don't remember calling COVID timing everything. Also friends with a lot of free blow
I got so drunk one night that after passing the fuck out, i got up at some point in the night and walked into the bedroom closet and took a piss, evidently.
first guy john. he put her on a pedestal because she was older than him and the dynamic of manipulation felt familiar to the one he had with his mother. he needs to understand he doesnt have a clue what healthy love is cos he never receievd it and its so sad. the reason why he knows whats logical yet unable to 'realise' it is because.. how do u learn to love urself when u have no point of reference? its really a catch 22 because only when he realise how to love himself then he will have that reference to receive it from someone else.
Bro, any woman that would belittle you like that for being emotional is not a good person, at all. Theres a good reason why shes older and still alone. Someone like that has been deemed by anyone prior to not be fit to be the mother of their children etc. Because shes going to enforce that upon any child she had that was male, teach them deeply unhealthy things, and the only reason shes so old and still single is because thats who she is and will remain that way. Shes not fit to be a wife or a mother and hence why shes old and alone, and will likely die that way unless she manipulates someone into it. Stay clear of her. Plus she fed you drinks knowing it was something you struggled with. Despite javing invested time into her was just a simple mistake. You couldnt have known who she was. But shes shown her true colours snd now tou know who she is. Shes desperate to use you to get the children she couldnt have eith snyone else because they saw her flaws before making that mistske. She should never be a mother so dont give her the opportunity do destroy a childs life. Run fsr and wide from her and find someone else. Someone open to heslthy emotional communication. Shes not someone you want to be the mother of your kids, and never will be. Youve overcome too much to be with someone that will drag you back down. Find someone worthy of being with you. Someone who can raise your kids to be healthy. Help you be healthy. Shes not that.
If you know someone you can’t cry in front of, get the fuck away from that person, ESPECIALLY if they expect you to take care of them and be there for them when they cry
The first caller dodged a bullet. I hope he reads all these comments letting him know he is allowed to feel his feelings, accidents happen and she sounds like an absolute anal fissure. Youre good man, you got sober once before, you can do it again. ❤️
Desr first caller, dear reader with traumas, dear reader with substance abuse, your consent and boundaries have been broken at some point in time to a point where you neglect sobriety of the body because the body has always known this breaching treatment, trying to get sober from alcohol is very hard. But personally for me weed is a great way out, by that i mean cbd flower mixed with thc flower, progressively reducing the dose until you can take only cbd, being mindful of the way substance works in your mind and body is very important. Recreationally doing drugs is very fun! But being dependent is a whole ass deal where you are out of habit and self neglect pushing your self away so you do not exist fully in this world because you are miserable in your unworthiness. Anti psychotic/ psychotic drug weed helps face traumas, psychedelics also as psychotic drugs can help but these need to be taken in a safe environment with a mind and body that's willing to embrace your unworthiness and show your worth throughout.
that girl probably just said that to him and didnt think of her words, pretty horrible girl, maybe after seeing what he did irl, she did not like him anymore and couldnt think of a nicer way to say it. guy should not take what she said to heart, she was obviously not thinking of his emotions and listening to when he was crying, so why should he take what she said into consideration?
Not true. Studies show if you take steroids without working out, you will gain more muscle mass and strength than someone who works out without using steroids. Anabolic steroids changes how the body processes water and glycogen. You end up storing more water in your muscles, causing them to become larger and to be able to handle more stress.
@SomewhereInSpace666 Yeah, he's dumb as hell for taking some shit he has no clue what'll happen and hasn't worked out and has a shit diet. But I mean he will definitely gain muscle mass
because he cried? not because he blacked out and went berserk...not because he wrecked the house..not because he hit her and was yelling but because he cried. yeaaaahhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooo. she did you a favor. let her go ruin some other fkin idiots life. yeah you shouldnt be blacking out..only because blacking out is the worst...but crying is literally nothing. shes a fkin hypocrite too since she drama dumped on him first he said. idk man...i guess u probably have fragile emotions..everyone does in some form whether they know they do or not...really everyone does. best thing to do is just try to move on and not even think about her or "wonder what could have been" because im telling u man...what could have been is that it would have definitely been something else sooner than later. she did you a favor by cutting it off rather than leading you on. it's not a mark against u....it's just a blessing honestly. but yeah tl dr im not gonna lie and be a hypocrite..i got a drinking problem myself...u gotta stick to the numbers..yuo gotta sleep and eat and use caffeine and stick to the numbers that you KNOW you wont black out on..i know its hard..butit's the only way. and never forget the time factor...im sure u know all this. clearly uve been using things longer and harder than i have tl dr part 2. fk that slag...try not to think about her...do something else with someone else....and try to take your substance use / abuse seriously
He knew her for 3 days, whined about his life calling it “trauma dumping” like it’s something expected, pissed in her bed, and cried on her shoulder. I get that he’s a guy who’s living his life, but the fact that it’s surprising to anyone that she ain’t trying to deal with that is absurd
Most women will claim they want you to open up but then at minimum they will never view you the same for crying because you are the masculine, more stable energy in the relationship. If u need to cry, cry with a good male friend or family. They will understand because they are in the same predicament.
That is not at all how most women respond. You're making a really broad generalization and projecting your own experiences on all women, and that's not fair. This kind of assumption reinforces harmful messaging to men in general who are trying to form platonic friendships and intimacy with women. I'm really sorry that you personally had experiences where women behaved that way, but the majority of us do not act that way and have a lot more compassion and aren't wrapped up in stupid patriarchal ideas that harm everyone like one person always needing to "be the stable energy" in the relationship. Grown ass women recognize that relationships are partnerships without set riles determined by gender and sometimes everyone has moments where they need a shoulder to cry on and that showing that vulnerability requires strength and isnt a sign of weakness. Obviously no one wants a partner who is in constant emotional crisis bc no one deserves to act as a rehab for an emotionally broken human, thats what therapists are for, but thats a different story. Have you also considered that perhaps you were assuming that these women were viewing you that way and reading into things that weren't there, because I personally have experienced men doing that very thing. Telling me I'm thinking or feeling or acting a certain way when I certainly was not because they are making incorrect assumptions and projecting their own insecurities without bothering to ask or listen to what I actually thought or felt. I'm not saying that's what happened, I believe that you definitely had the experience that you had, I'm just asking you to consider another perspective of that experience, from someone else who has had a similar experience from the other end of things❤
As a woman myself, I definitely prefer a man who can open up - the ones that suppress aren’t being honest with me, and that chops off a relationship at the knees. If I hurt his feelings, I want a quiet-voiced discussion, not silent resentment (which can be very dangerous). If something bad happened for him, it would be an honor to be the one trusted with soothing his heart. Moreover, I wouldn’t be able to stand sleeping beside someone that didn’t trust me with the same vulnerabilities I trust them with. The lack of equivalence would start weighing on me. That’s not the point of loving someone unless you’re only in it for the physical aspect. As a blatant example that this generalization is incorrect: My own man recently did poorly on an important test due to only 2 mistakes, and the administrator didn’t pull any punches with him - he was much more harsh than he needed to be. My man was trying his absolute best. I know him, and he has a big, desperate need to be nothing but good. Perfectionistic and detail oriented to his own emotional detriment. He had been worried sick about this for weeks, studying as best he could and repeatedly asking for reassurance. He is usually very calm, and often takes the role of the relationship’s emotional rock. This was the first time I had ever seen him completely break down. The only thing on my mind was how much my own heart broke for him. Why didn’t the administrator know him like I did? How didn’t he see the effort my love had put in? I wanted to go and give that guy a piece of my mind. I was alternating between fury and heartbreak. My man didn’t even recognize how unfairly he had been treated, he had internalized the damage already and believed it was all his fault. I still see that wound in him from time to time-he truly can’t see how capable and how worthy he is just yet. I didn’t choose him just because he was cute, dammit! Argh! There are some mean, cruel, catty-ass women out there, but believe me, many more of us women choose our partners because we want them to thrive.
She saw a vulnerable person that had horrible substance abuse problems, and she decided to emotionally fuck with him instead of saying "I'm not into you anymore." A germ of empathy would show you who was a victim there.
