*We're staying in a lovely Airbnb in Brighton, if you want $35 off your first airbnb trip, you can do so by clicking here:* www.airbnb.co.uk/c/joell2886
Letting the school know is the best. You are so right, most bullies are also hurting or being abused themselves. Letting the school know can allow them to get all the hurting parties help. Approaching the parents directly could actually make any abusive situation worse.
Hanna Asegid - I respect your comment, however, I don't see it as if they are trying to "fix the world's problems". They are giving opinions since they were asked.. that's all. It's kind of interesting, no? :)
@@arizonaskye3917 I see what you mean and I loved this videos but I just thought that it was funny that they said that also I really appreciate you saying you respect my comment and I respect yours too :)
I say with the boyfriend invite him over the week end after and just say you enjoyed being mates. But totally avoid any alone time with him. In case there are hidden feelings. For the bullying it depends ask your son would he rather beat him up or have it just stop. If he says beat him up send him to a type of combat class so he can learn to fight. And explain to the son the consequences that can occur when he does beat the bully up. If he says he just wants it to stop go to the teacher and have them both stay after class one day and just take time to talk about it. On why he bullies him and then let the bully know how the bullying makes him feel. However if the root cause for the bully is a bad home life or their own issues this may not work. Unless the bully actually decides in that instant he wants to be friends. So if that only makes worse then tell your son he can go to the headmaster or another school if he gets to a breaking point. How ever if you switch schools still report the bully a few weeks after the switch. For the person who likes to drive crazy for giggles and farts. First try sky diving maybe. Or rock climbing some other outlet to get off on. And if that doesn't help. Have him seek therapy. Susan I say just become good mates with them first. That way you don't have to rush to romance yet still get to know them. With out the risk of heart break and you can wait it out and pick the mate who tickles your fancy most.
In America there once were two ladies who had syndicated newspaper columns all over the US. These ladies who were actually sisters in real life were called Dear Abby and Dear Ann because folks from all across the country flooded these ladies with letters concerning their personal problems. Each day the ladies would pick two to three letters and would print the letters and their advice in the newspapers. Some of the advice was serious (woman being abused by her husband needed help), or some respones were hilarious (a woman in the early 1960's wanted help to promote the wearing of nose rings) and Anne told her to put a rubber band around her head and snap out of it. Both ladies are gone now but I think their respective daughters have taken over their mom's columns. So you two can be the "Dear Joel and Dear Lia" of the UK!
You two really gave, I thought, good balanced advice if you will. Tossing out different ways to go about a problem just excellent! Especially the driving one. I really hope y'all do this every 2 to 3 months. Much Love from Sioux Falls, South Dakota, USA
I was actually part of a very large family for about 20 years. "He" was not a boyfriend, just a platonic friend so when he met someone who made his thing sing, I didn't exist anymore. I didn't miss him as much as the rest of his family. Luckily, he broke all ties with everyone (she doesn't like him sharing his attention) so when the family members come to town, they look me up. (Side note, his marriage broken up and he's looking for my phone number again LOL)
cijmoalbal - I've been somewhat in your situation, but from the other side, as well, we weren't platonic. My family loved her, as did I. It didn't work out, but we are all still friends, to the extent that we are still alive, 45 years later. I understand it can go South, but not always. Love is often special, even if it doesn't last, at least for me. I see her thrice a year at least, with her husband and kids. There is no fear of convolution, on anyone's part, as all is clear. It is only that we still love each other, in a platonic way, by which there is mutual comfort, amongst everyone. Actually, it was my father who taught me how to do that, as he refused not to love her, as a DIL, basically. We were never married, but to my father, that didn't matter.
hurt people hurt people, as we found out from a family and their son who bullied our son. The father totally abused that boy and the mom made excuses. Going to the family could open a lot of wounds. We finally had to get the police involved.
I totally agree, going to the parents directly could have seriously negative consequences. It would be much wiser to first get the school involved officially. That's what my parents did in my case and it helped, even though as a child I was afraid the bully would get mad and go after me more. Nope: he and his friends were forced to leave me alone.
The problem with going to the teacher or the principal of the school is the possible retaliation by the bully. They can possibly beat you to a pulp after school or even catch you somewhere around your neighborhood.
The authorities need to become involved in order to stop the bullying. If teachers or school.authorities are ineffective in stopping the bullying, then victims and their families have the right to involve the police.
Nice episode. I don't think you necessarily need to have a dedicated series for each of these various video topics, but mix it up and have Joel and Lia offering "Advice" some episodes, some travel episodes, some British vs US episodes, etc. and mix it up within the J&L channel
I really hope the person who's husband was driving wrecklessly sees this. My dad had a similar situation with him. He was in his 60s not retired but looking for work. I wanna say it was around 2013-2014 I started noticing his driving became increasingly worse. He would have terrible road rage and swerve toward people who did something wrong I guess as a means to scare them from doing it again, idk. Anyway I tried to confront him and he said he would drive safer and that never happened. In 2017 he was diagnosed with fatty liver disease. We later found out that this disease can cause changes in your mental state from a build up of ammonia in the brain from fluid retention if I'm remembering correctly. In short he passed away in April of 2017 from fatty liver disease. It was a disease I had never heard of before that. When Joel said dementia as a probable cause I was thinking maybe or perhaps this. Something could be wrong with him and it might be a good idea to look into it.
In California, seniors are required to take an eye test and the written exam to get their licenses renewed. Unfortunately they do not have to take the behind the wheel driving test. And we have some very bad senior drivers.
A lady I know just celebrated her 96th birthday a few weeks ago. She told how she just had her driver's license renewed! (Now I'm watching for her car when out on the road!) Fortunately, she doesn't drive very often - only to get groceries, and to go to her knitting club meetings.
*snarkykat* - Seems that when people have to take responsibility - financial and emotional - for their continuing education, they tend to set aside their childishness. (I hope)
My Dad also has a road rage problem and the whole family has talked to him about and the older he gets the worse it gets. Funny thing is I see my brother starting down that path and I point it out to him and man does that make him angry
before you made some of the old videos private I have been impressed with your drive. going out and doing, not waiting for the miracle but rather creating the miracle. not much impresses me but you two are impressive.
This problem with older men driving poorly is a massive problem in America also. Some wives take their husbands to the GP doctor for a checkup and ask the doctor to do some mental fitness testing as well as the usual stuff done at an annual physical. The wife says to the doctor "If you feel his mental fitness is declining, please take out your official prescribing pad and write on the top page in huge bold letters DO NOT DRIVE A CAR. Please give that page to him. "
My last serious relationship was twenty three years ago. I’ve dated a few times but always see red flags. My advice is just go out and get yourself some!
I was bullied from Kindergarten through 9th grade when I left to go on Independent study. I felt like the teachers and my parents conspired against me and both seemed to blame me for the bullying. I am 40 and still struggle to fit in.
I literally just finished a talk with my kids about bullying and the proper way to stand to bullies along with the courses of action I want them to take.
Great advise and perspective on bullying! Love that you had multiple approaches and options, and reasons for approaching it differently! Empathy for the abuser, as we don’t know why they’re bullying! And learning how to handle it! Because there will be bullies all through life, and we need to know how to handle them!
For the bully problem, going to the headmaster or principal might be the best thing. They probably have experience in dealing with bullies and other bad situations. I had a group of bullies back in middle school, and my mom went to the principal without me knowing about it. My mom used to be a teacher but had changed careers earlier on. My mom and the principal devised a way to scare the bullies from bullying me. I forget the details now, but it was pretty clever. Without me knowing what had happened behind the scenes, the bullying stopped and the bullies were nicer to me.
Aww, Joel & Lia, this was fun! You both have the wisdom of an experienced adult and offered really good, sound advice. I'm impressed! Thank you for the fun!! 💛💛😊💙💙
The driving thing rings a bell with me. My father carried on driving into his late 70s, and he definitely wasn't safe. He had mobility issues, with early Parkinsons disease and his reaction times were really slow - yet he was still deemed to be safe to drive. We ended up refusing to let our kids go anywhere in the car with him. It caused arguments, obviously, but around 6 months after, he knocked a woman down in the supermarket car park as he was reversing out. Luckily, she only had a few cuts and bruises, but although he wasn't prosecuted, the police arranged for his doctor to fill a form in saying he wasn't fit to drive.
Joel and Lia you are now the British version of the advice columnist Dear Abby, you need to be careful when giving advice, that if they follow your advice and it doesn't work out, they can sue you America is a very litigious place. Your advice was practical and direct, and helpful overall. I would suggest to a person seeking advice to talk to someone who knows them or a trained counselor. I know that you are doing this as a lark,a bit of fun ,but there are people out there who have serious problems and they might take your advice and it could be a disaster.
@@myrtlemaude47 I don't know how much good that would do, but if they put that it was their personal opinion, and that they were not professional counselors it might prevent them from getting sued.
I created a channel for this. Thank you Joel. I am of a different generation, we solved the bullying in a very physical way. Parents interfering isn't always helpful, but going to the school should be more helpful. Keep up the good work. Love you both.
Wow! I love this, and the fact that you both have your own takes on the issues makes it even more interesting and entertaining! I hope to see more like this! Love you both! 😘
Just chiming in on the relationship front as my 18 year marriage ended two years ago. To say that separation is hard is a wild understatement. It's stripping yourself down to the bone. It's losing everything that has protected you. It's being consumed with tsunami-force terror and rage and hurt. It transforms you into an alien, shrieking, cracked-open version of your former self. Eventually, the struggle fades and the precious things remain. Hopefully you gain confidence and clarity about who you are and what you want. Just remember, the adage that "two become one" in marriage is a lie. You didn't ever become half a thing. The wholeness was always there, waiting for you.
About the old boyfriend...yes I would send a present but no going out for coffee cuz invariably he will be like "so....how is Girlfriend, who is the new guy ?" Etc. And he is now persona non gratias. Can't go home again.
@@MrFixit-fb5bu ask me how I know...I'll tell you anyway... Family kept inviting my ex to family functions... suggesting that I take him back and getting angry when I would disappear from these events. A ex relationship is like sour milk...it's not good...and no one is gonna drink sour milk and pretend it's ok. What ever reason the relationship ended... especially if there's no kids...leave it in the past.
This is soo funny! I'm happy to report that I have none of these issues and you guys are doing a service to those that do. Hopefully. Hilarious. Keep up the good work mates. Thanks! L&C 👍♥️😘🇬🇧
Spot on with the mother and the ex. On another note, his dependency is probably why the relationship didn't work. I moved a lot as a kid and people always tried to bully me at a new school. I had been taking Taekwondo from the age of 4 and started taking Aikido in middle school.(about 12 years old) They only tried once or twice before they stopped. Once again, spot on with speaking to the hubby away from the car. I can't give advice to a woman at 55. My advice for a man would not be appropriate here.😁 Good stuff you two. If you're ever gonna be in Oklahoma, you'll have to check out my restaurant and maybe one of my bars. I'll buy. Assuming everything opens back up at some point.
I would tell the older lady to go on a lunch date in a brightly lit, busy restaurant. If you don't like the man, you should leave after the first course. Then you have the whole afternoon to celebrate or recover depending on how things went.
I'm in the US. and one of our elderly family members was actually recommended NOT to drive by his doctor because of his dementia. If he drove a car without a license he could get into trouble. Probably not major trouble but I'm sure his care taker could be held responsible if something happened. Good thing he doesnt want to drive and doesn't live alone.
I was bullied when I was 13. I got so frustrated and angry that one day while be bullied I just punched the kid in the face and he fell on the floor. I told him "If you ever do that again, I'll wipe that stupid leer off your face!" I practiced saying that in case I lost my cool one day. He stopped bullying me and I was able to take care of it myself. VERY satisfying moment and humiliating for that bastard who wouldn't leave me alone. This topic just brought that experience back to me and I wanted to share that story.
I was just thinking the other day I wonder what would've happened if I'd done that to my bully. She bullied me the whole year and I don't think I ever considered it
Now, many online dating sites have the option to have video call dates so that people can see what the other person looks and sounds like and vice versa.
I tried going to the parents of 3 boys who were bullying my son and daughter. Their oldest was 2 grades above my son and as a 3rd grader he was the size of a heavy set adult he was as tall as me. He started in on him because of another boy. So when his young brother was in class with my son he got him to start bullying him. And my daughter was in class with the youngest brother and he was 2 years ahead of her and they got him to start in on her. The parents were phycos. I had to get a restraining order.
In small towns exes are neighbours, You have to accept changes in relationships but not expect to be able to take any pieces off the board , so to speak.
Oh God we were only talking about this subject last night. My daughter misses her daughter’s ex! I miss both my son’s exes! It is hard. We don’t have any contact now but I do think of them often and hope they are happy.
My ex lived in my mother's basement for 11 years and my husband and I lived across the street. He was family. He is deceased or he would still be family. My mother was a mother to him. Be loyal to people.
About the 60-something-year-old driver, my first thought was dementia. I lost my mom to dementia this year after caring for her for 2.5 years. Joel, I think you explained it correctly. The average age range for dementia begins at 65.
The bully driver is a real problem. It has happened to me. I always carried enough money to get a taxi etc. also I said before we started if you drive terribly I will get out and catch a train instead. That worked a bit.
One of my greatest worries is losing my independence. Eventually, my eyesight will fail so I will no longer be able to drive. Of course, I should not be behind the wheel when that time comes but it is still a time I dread. Older people will often not admit that they are having difficulty so as not to lose that independence.
The problem with schools here in America, is that they, many times, side with the bullies. Years ago, when my daughter was in the third grade, a girl in her class made fun of the new clothes she got for Christmas. (The clothes were bought at a department store and in style.) I talked to the school counselor everyday the last couple of months of school. She pulled the bully aside and talked to her about staring at my daughter. Her answer was that she was thinking about pizza! It was suggested that it was my daughter with the problem. The girl never had to suffer any consequences. The school counselor told my daughter that SHE needed to change!!
drivers need to reapply for their licence at the age of 70 and every three years thereafter. There is no requirement to take a test but applicants must declare that they are fit and healthy to drive and their eyesight meets the minimum requirements for driving via self assessmen
The possibility for success and embarrassment exist in the same space. If you’re not willing to risk embarrassment, you’re probably not going to have very much success.
I love you and miss you two. I’ve been so busy and randomly had a dream where we all hung out. 😆😆😆 made me realize you two are a permanent part of my life. 😝
In regards to the family wanting to stay in touch with the ex boyfriend I would say the parents should be upfront and honest with their daughter. My aunt and uncle stayed in touch with my cousins ex fiancee. They were honest with their son about it and the ex fiancee would be invited to family get togethers (eventually not at first).
In the US we have voluntary safe driving courses for older people to learn how to alter their driving based on their slower reflexes. It is voluntary though. EDIT: Unless you end up in front of a judge, who can order you to take such a course.
The husband who's not driving well should have his health checked; in my 60+ years of experience, older people can drive quite well until their health fails. This happened with my grandfather and my dad.
Here in the US we definitely have to get retested after a certain age in order to keep our drivers license. Not sure what the age is, but it's something I think should exist everywhere! Great video btw, thanks
Maybe it's because the roads are narrow and smaller by comparison and the fact that there are simply fewer vehicles in the UK, but "road rage" is a problem in the US. It's not considered "unhinged" because it's so common in high traffic cities and towns. It's a release of frustration to just scream at other drivers and honk the car horn.
Great video, and I think it's valuable as a source of ideas for people with problems like those dealt with. Sometimes you just don't want to go to family or close friends - or perhaps they just may have no one to share it with, and you can be a valuable source of options, ideas, and advice. Of course, it can't be stressed enough: In the End, the Choice is YOURS (the person with the "problem")!
When my aunt was in grade school, she and a friend were being bullied, and my dad (who is 11 years older) told her to use her book bag to hit the bully when he was picking on them. This bully was several years older and much larger. My dad sat in his car the next day around the corner to watch her walk home and witnessed my aunt and her friend beating the crap out of the bully to the point where he crumpled on the ground crying 😳🤣 She never got bullied again. I wouldn't advise anyone to do that now, but I guess it worked.
Being single myself, I can understand what her perspective is, and the apprehensiveness while trying to date again. I go through it as well. There are just more ways to actually meet someone an date today. And doing it online is how things evolved. I'm always off and on with the dating sites, mainly because some of them often charge a sub to interact more. lol. So I'm probably more inclined to date someone I converse and build a friendship with off of social media than an actual dating site. Mainly because that's where I interact the most.
Well as a mom you can get attached to the nicer boys because you start looking at them as your potential son-in-law. It's the ones you can't stand that usually end up staying around! If it were me I think we both go visit him and if you have a lunch with him as a impromptu Mom Dad thing and not mention anything to the daughter... parents are allowed to have friends And about the crazy old driver, if I were the spouse I probably contact the driving Bureau myself... or enlist the help of adult children As a middle-aged woman it's hard meeting online but you have to do it the best thing to do is a zoom meeting. Do a couple of those to you feel comfortable. If someone doesn't want to assume they're not the right person. And then if you can meet them for coffee keep your dates short and sweet until you feel comfortable
I feel for the woman concerned about her husband driving. My mother informed me over the weekend that she planned on trying to get her license back and if she passes the eye test she will start driving again. She can’t see well at all. One eye she can’t see anything clear the other isn’t much better. She should not drive ever. She will end up hurting or killing herself and or someone else. I told her not to do it but she is stubborn. I pray that she will fail the eye test.
@Kristy ~ I (I'm a pastor) helped a family with their mother, who is was 83 or so, and has dementia. They had to take the keys to the car away from her. It was HARD, but you have to be FIRM, explain Why - especially that they could actually cause someone's Death (and/or their own)! "You don't want to have That on your conscience, do you?" and after a while, she forgot she even had a car! Of course, each person, each case, is different!
@@Quarton Trust me, my whole family has spoken to her at some point about it. She doesn't have dementia, she is just stubborn and hates having to ask for rides everywhere. Luckily, she had sold her car in January so she doesn't have one to use. She won't drive without a license since it's against the law and it is very doubtful that she will pass an eye test to get a new one. I had asked her before if she could live with herself if she ran over a child that she didn't see in the road. She didn't say anything about that comment and talked about something else. ps. I appreciate your advice.
I like this series as well as the book of questions series. I will be looking forward to more of these type. I think you two gave some good solid advice. Well done.
I feel like I live in a different world sometimes with the bullying thing. When I was bullied, my mum went in and ended it, got the authority involved, and went after the parents too, and apologies were ordered, etc. And that was it. I had no qualms about going to my parents, I knew they would sort it out, and they did. Some of the bullies either became friendly afterwards once they'd had consequences or if not, they at least stopped doing it. I don't get this thing of bullying the victim harder to 'get revenge' for getting them in trouble or being afraid of that happening. That never happened to me, in fact my classmates kinda rallied around me and would stick up for me in the years to come, like I was their little brother or something. It upsets me to think that not only is that a thing, but that victims and maybe their parents too, if I told them it was fine for me, would think I was lying and that it never gets better. My heart goes out to them. 😢
I hide away from by bullies for years until I had enough and punched her in the face. I'm not saying use violence as the answer. I'm saying don't do nothing about it. It only makes it worce. Take to someone about it and try solve it
Hey guys, loved the video so much! For not being an American, sometimes I don't get most of you latest videos like slangs or rules haha and I know they're the majority of your audience so makes sense to focus on them. Anyways, truly loves the video, had so much fun - might even write to you my problems so you can discuss and I feel closer to y'all lol Love from Brazil xx
Wow... this was pretty cool. I love, love, love you guys and this will sound patronizing but you did a really good job! When you read the problem I thought in my head what I would say (I'm a pretty good listener) and you said what I was thinking and more. I like watching you guys interact, as most people here do, so most things you do are fun. This was a good series. Keep it up. Big hugs to you both. John
I’d love to see a video on The Kentucky Derby. It’s this Saturday. Normally it’s in May but with the state of the world. Ya know. Horse racing terms can be pretty confusing. If you’re interested I’ll put together a list that you can try to desypher. Love your videos. From a Kentuckian living in Kansas.
