BEFORE you leave a comment, there are two things I wanted to clear up: 1. I interpreted Ben's TikTok based on my own bias as a woman seeking other women who love themselves. I totally see how I was wrong to assume that was about women, so thank you for calling me out on that, and of course men and non-binary people need body positivity too. GO BEN! 🙌 2. When I mentioned 'healthy' I wasn't referring to general disability or health (which of course is SO deserving of positivity). I meant health issues DIRECTLY CAUSED by weight extremes. I wasn't clear enough with my choice of words, but my point was that people often think body positivity means encouraging people to eat a lot and gain weight, but that's not the case, it's saying that all bodies, no matter how they look, should not be discriminated against. All body types and sizes should be encouraged - however when I said this, I thought about the two people in my life who have severe anorexia, which is unhealthy and should not be encouraged at all. In this case, encouraging means enabling a mental health issue that could lead to their death, hence why I wanted to caveat that with the health comment. I hope it's clear that in the context of my discussion, I meant health issued directly caused by severe and extreme weights that should not be encouraged, because doing so would be enabling people to harm themselves and others. Thanks again for watchinngggg x
I saw a post that said ‘ “weight is not an indication of health’ is important, but it’s also important to say “health is not an indication of value” ‘ and I think that it’s a great message Edit: having scrolled through the comments, I’ve seen people have said similar things and so I thought I’d clear up I saw the original post on tumblr and wasn’t trying to copy anyone’s comments
It's sad that you think you needed to specify but I think most of us understood that by "unhealthy" you don't mean people using wheelchair or a guide dog.
Would it be fair to say then "as long as you have a healthy relationship with food"? I actually like the "as long as your healthy" because I am someone on the skinny-extreme as a result of chronic illness and meds (no ed tho). I also see the problem in "healthy" as able-ist as you pointed out. But that always helps me with my body positivity because while I don't weigh as much as I would like, I still feel better and have way less health issues than when I was super underweight.
Thicc is sexy but its also okay to not be thicc! That's body positivity! As a girl with no booty or boobs or even hips I've always been a little self-conscious about how I look. Which is stupid because once upon a time my body type was the 'desired' trend. But trends are stupids because while trends change, bodies don't. That's why we all need body positivity!
Yes!! I totally agree with this! I’m a UK size 4 and I have been told so many times that I’m too thin and have thrown a bunch of insults at me. However I feel that if I posted a body positivity post, people would shoot me down for it. Slimmer girls deserve the same positive energy when they talk about their insecurities.
The one with the 3 girls dancing was by Nia from dance moms who was fat shamed for ‘not being skinny enough’ to be a dancer, so now she’s trying to spread body positivity and show that anyone can dance! I know she isn’t overweight in the slightest but she has been shamed by soooo many people, just thought I’d let you know xx
7:27 So just a quick FYI, Nia (middle) is a dancer (she was in dance moms) who was heavily body shamed for being 'too fat' to dance, so I feel like it's great that she is in the video.
I didn't know that, thanks for the info. I was kinda confused she didn't connect previous situation ( pouch one) and understanding that *everyone* gets negative comments, right away. And it gets to you no matter the reality. Now sure, levels are different, ranging from occasional comments to daily bullying and disgusted looks, we can say some experiences are not comparable. But we should all have zero insecurities, in ideal world, and to get there body positivity is for everyone.
Ahh thanks for this, I had no idea! I find it so bizarre that someone of that size would be considered 'too fat to dance'. Yay to body positivity for all 🙌 x
That's why this doesn't work for me. Because internally, I'm horribly judgemental and at least for some of these videos my reaction is "Well it's admirable that you're confident, but I don't find you attractive at all and if I looked like you I would not be happy like that". And that's obviously not... good. Like, I wish I did't think like that.
It is so hard because i also do this and I know that is my internalized fatphobia, I am afraid of not being skinny, but it worries me more that i maight affect others and contribuite to a toxic culture where apearence is the most relevant
Other women sharing their "not victoria secret" bodies on social media as a wlw helps me a lot. It makes me realize that if I find someone and their "imperfections" atractive and appeling maybe I am also sexy with my body and the things that I hate about myself are cute on someone else
Exactly right! Literally being attracted to women kinda saved me. I realized, I didn’t care how big someone was, how skinny someone was, how flat, round, short, tall, if I loved them I loved them. So I can be the same too. 💜🤍💜🤍💜🤍💜🤍💜🤍💜
Body positivity isn't about you being inspired by bodies like yours, it's about celebrating ALL bodies. Just because you perceive someone as "skinny" doesn't mean they haven't had a difficult journey to loving themselves. My friend was always quite skinny - underweight BMI due to micronutrient malabsorption issues. Her entire life, she was told how "lucky" she was that she could eat whatever she wanted and still be skinny. Now, some of those issues have been resolved and she's finally ventured into normal BMI range and people have started negatively commenting on her weight gain. She's been trying to gain weight her whole life, and now that she has, people are making her feel bad about it. Some of those tik toks with people that you felt were too skinny for body positivity make her feel represented. Just like the people, who look more like you, make you feel represented.
I know how she feels I'm still trying to gain weight but am also scared when I do cause even being the weight I am (which it severely underweight of my age 17)I still get weight comments if I look even slightly different and everyone constantly comments on how lucky I am but it's nothing to admire I'm underweight and I can basically see my ribs it's not a normal to compare to such a ridiculous weight especially cause it's just unhealthy xx
Yep, people of all shapes and sizes are entitled to dislike or even hate their bodies. Not that anyone should, but telling a skinny person "you have nothing to complain about" is harmful, because now they not only feel bad, but also feel bad about feeling bad.
@lxs118 I feel for your friend, and echo what you've expressed here. Shaaba I really appreciate what you said in this video about how people of all shapes and sizes can struggle with body image
I’m glad you asked for an outside opinion when you questioned “why are skinny girls here”. The truth is they also have rolls, stretch marks, scars, and insecurities - etc... body positivity is literally for everyone.
Oh, I feel bad, Shaaba hasn't made it onto gay tiktok yet....I wish her luck on her tiktok journey and hopes she finds the promised lands of gay tiktok
the one thing that bugs me about the body positivity movement is "as long as you're healthy!". because,,, i'm chronically ill and disabled. i'm not healthy. my body will NEVER be healthy. but my health isn't an indication of my worth !! it just makes me really frustrated, and feel like i should be ASHAMED of the fact that i'm not healthy and never will be. reminder to include disabled and chronically ill folks in your activism !! lots of love
I 100% agree with this!!! Just because someone is unhealthy - whether because they are fat and/or chronically ill - doesn't mean they are not deserving of respect and of being celebrated too.
What ppl mean by that is "As long as your weight doesn't cause you health problems." Being overweight can cause diabetes and heart diseases. Of course it's not bad to be plus size, but no one should support causing yourself diabetes and heart diseases. If you could be "healthy size" (plus size but not overweight) but eat too much, don't exercise when you can and cause yourself health problems, it's not ok.
@@3173_Delta I know you are coming from a good place but, with respect, acknowledging that fat people exist and deserve respect - whether they are healthy or not - isn't supporting diabetes and heart disease. A fat person's health and any health conditions they have are no one's concern except theirs and theirs alone. At the end of the day, someone's health shouldn't guide how they are treated. Whether a fat person has diabetes or not doesn't take away from the fact they deserve love and respect, as well as support in liberation from anti-fat discrimination. Also, recent research is showing that health risks that fat people may face are often a result of the stress of persistent anti-fat bias. I recommend following yrfatfriend and mermaidqueenjude on Instagram for some more useful resources about this topic.
@@katielouise210 Respect is one thing, but if they can, they should work on themselves and lose weight to be healthy. Getting mad at doctors for telling you that being overweight isn't healthy isn't gonna get you anywhere, they're telling you the truth, it's not discrimination. I don't think you should support people who don't work on their health, I think you should support them to get healthy instead, because wanting someone to live longer is not discrimination.
Body positivity isn't really about size and shape... It is about giving yourself permission to love, care for, and take pleasure in your body. Sadly, those who suffer from chronic illness and people with disabilities often get left out of the body positive movement because people focus so much on the physical size of bodies, rather than the fact we all have bodies and should love them unconditionally. ---Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.
@@shaaba you are welcome! I love your videos. The world is better when we treat ourselves and each other with compassion. You are doing a great job of sharing love and brightening the world. 🥰
@@fancifulfox3940 It's not nosy, don't worry. Yes I do. I had stage 2 thyroid cancer and hashimoto's thyroiditis, which caused a lot of issues with my body and how it handles things like metabolism. Recently I was diagnosed with myofascial pain syndrome which has greatly affected my ability to do my job as a mortician. Since I do the same repetitive motions over and over while doing embalmings, cosmetics, and hair styling for the deceased my shoulders and arms are becoming very damaged internally. I also have idiopathic intracranial hypertension which is basically a fancy way of saying that my body produces too much cerebral spinal fluid and it puts a lot of pressure on my brain. I still work a full-time job, and because of the pain and my illnesses it's very hard to find the energy and strength to exercise and prepare healthy meals though I do try my best to give my body the care it needs. I think that a lot of times in the body positivity movement the main message often turns into "I can do what I want, don't shame me" instead of "This is my body and I love it no matter what and there is no shame in self love" .... Does that make sense?
The Asian thing of everyone freely commenting on your weight but shaming you for not eating enough at gatherings is just such a juxtaposition. Especially since almost all gatherings are around food. It's like a never-ending cycle.
I was very confused at who the owner of my body was, it took me a hot second to figure out it’s me, I’m the owner, it me. Now I’m just picturing my consciousness with a body as a pet and I-
Thank you for talking about sizes 0-4 and how they are beautiful too... Where I live most people range from fit to slightly plump so I, being bones-thin, am criticized quite a lot. It's not as huge of a deal as fat-phobia in some other countries but it gets really harsh and it has butchered my self-esteem. On top of that, media in English (the majority of what I consume even though I'm Hispanic) has popularized a kind of body positivity that says "Love yourself! Accept your bodyweight as it is because no one should want to be as disgustingly thin as x model!" So thank you Shaaba
Yes this! I'm really skinny and I'm super supportive of body positivity but a lot of it is putting down thin people for being thin. I have absolutely no control over my body size and I just hear all the time how I can't be body positive or in body positivity communities you see like x person is disgustingly thin or being that thin is gross and like they're the same size as me. Every body is beautiful as long as it makes you happy and healthy
I also agree I am short 5'2" in a family where everyone on both sides is 5'7" (except my mom was my height) and way taller wether female or male, and gaining weight is the hardest thing ever. But having had 5 children and a e-csec and miscarriages I have a belly but still only fit girls 14 or teen clothing 2-5 (except the belly). All I ever heard was I wasn't eating enough I am too skinny and such, the times when I did gain weight I was either pregnant or had kidney problems. Having someone now in my life who loves my body as is, is helping so much. I did the finger thing and had the same amount of fingers left as Shaaba...
Yes I definitely agree! I am 5’6 and a UK size 4 and I have constantly been told that I am too thin, by people at school and also family. A lot of people don’t understand that slimmer girls also have insecurities! I have been told so many times to just “eat a burger”, people don’t realise how it’s hard for me to gain weight, just like for some people it’s hard to lose weight.
I feel you, I'm a trans guy and I've been trying to put on weight and fill out more to try and hide my curves and what not but I just cant. It's nice to know it's okay to be a smaller guy. I'm short as well, 5'5, so to know it's okay to look how you look. I hope maybe Jamie or Shaaba might do another one of these for dudes!
Exactly. I am also thin and when I'm on my own I feel normal, but whenever I'm with other people they feel the need to confront me about it and tell me I look sick or like a skeleton. And more often than not they think I just starve myself on purpose to look unnatural. What matters though is finding acceptance of yourself in yourself so all that negativity doesn't affect you, when the room is empty and you feel fine, keep that feeling when there's someone being mean. No body type is the one perfect body type. There are as many preferences as there are people, so why feel the need to cater to someone's preference. Be your own preference
I think something that is easy to forget is that "skinny" being a body standard means no one ever feels like they have finally reached the perfect weight- you could always weigh less. It's a disturbing thought, but realizing that I would never feel "skinny enough" really helped me to develop a better relationship with my body.
The "high bikinis" draws your eye to the waist rather than to the hip and it flatters a curvy form better than what has been represented as the "normal" placement of a bikini. :)
“Provided you are healthy” I have chronic health problems. Because of those health problems, I am not skinny. I was put on steroids for 9 months (weight gain, bloating, stretch marks and all those nice side effects!). I can’t exercise much because of my health problems. I can’t always eat well because I get bad nausea. So I weigh more. I often find people in body positive spaces that are judgemental because I’m not healthy. Doctors often tell patients like me we should lose weight and our health will improve even though our health problems are why we weigh more or are a contributing factor. I need body positivity that isn’t dependent on health. I know you didn’t mean badly by this. Just wanted to make you aware of issues around bringing up health with body positivity.
I'm in a similar position, I have chronic illness and not being able to exercise as much along with taking certain medications caused me to gain weight. With regards to the "as long as you are healthy" kind of comments, I personally don't take offence/ don't consider myself unhealthy in that way. What I usually think of in that context is people's weight being the main contributor to them being unhealthy (its worth mentioning here that this can be at any size) and that being something that can be changed to positively impact health. From my personal experience, weight gain was a result of, not the cause of my chronic illness and its quite hard to do anything about it
I think it was intended as "provided that YOUR WEIGHT hasn't CAUSED your health problems". As your weight hasn't caused your health problems then I'm really sorry you feel judged. It is not your fault and you are beautiful and perfect the way you are
I know she didn’t mean it badly or directed at me. But I think if you’re going to talk about body positivity and mention health, it is good to know about this stuff and be aware of the fatphobia that comes from doctors. So that you don’t accidentally say something offensive because of not knowing. Since she generally wants to learn more about stuff, I left my comment hoping to be helpful, like “hey this is an area where you could learn more”. From the replies, I think it maybe didn’t come across that way though so I’m sorry about that.
Yes! I was looking for this sort of reply. As a fat chick with chronic illnesses and pain, this hit a nerve for me. I think Shaaba meant well, but it was a poor word choice. I'd go even further and say that people deserve respect and happiness even if they aren't trying their hardest to be healthier. Like sure, I think trying to be your healthiest is a good thing to try for. I try to be my healthiest, because I have the luxury of having enough time to make that a priority. But people have different lives with different challenges and priorities. And they deserve respect and kindness and having doctors take them seriously just because they're people.
Shaaba... It made my heart so warm that you checked your initial conditioned reaction and realised that you had a chance for a teaching moment and self-growth. This is the attitude everyone should have, and I truly believe that if everyone was able to question why their own opinions the world would become a much better place 💛💛💛
As a woman, I've learned that my body will be viewed by society in one of three ways. I will always either be "too" fat, "anorexic type skinny"(not a real thing because anorexia isn't an adjective used to describe people you think are "too" skinny), or "too" fit. People just want to feel better about their bodies by trying to put other people down. No matter what my body type is, society will still tell me I'm "too" something.
people need to understand that it's not only larger women that struggle with body image. Any age, gender or weight may struggle with how they look. People have a go at others who struggle with body confidence when they are skinny and don't seem to understand at its considered 'perfect'. Also I think you look great and love that you love yourself for that
I've got to say I love this comment- It's hard to explain how hard it is to be a little bit above average sized nonbinary person when every nonbinary person ever represented seems to be very thin and have a fae or otherworldly aesthetic (if non human)- And you know what that Sucks because that's the opposite of what nonbinary means. I'm genderfluid but like the nonbinary label better cause I don't feel limited the same way- except here I am just being put back in a box again.
I just wanted to say that I'm really proud that you're working on body positivity. I saw your weight loss videos a while ago and seeing your new view on things makes me really happy. Even though I'm not plus-size, these videos helps me a lot. I've been struggling with anorexia for 8 years now, since I was twelve. I've now decided to finally get better and if I gain weight, that's okay. Watching your and Jamie's videos is a great distraction during meals, and when I have the urge to purge or over-exercise. I'm currently eating ice cream and actually enjoying it. Keep doing what you're doing ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
The way you talk about seeing “skinny” people and being sad that they can’t see how gorgeous they are is exactly how I feel when you talk about yourself, I’m really enjoying watching your body positivity journey and I can’t wait for you to see yourself how we all see you!
Honestly. This is me. I'm very overweight and I see literally anybody my size or bigger as beautiful and deserving of love. And then all I see myself as is gross
I'm glad you acknowledged that skinny people can need some body positivity too. I totally understand that plus sized people get shamed more often or openly. And that's totally not ok! But it's also hurtful to constantly read things like "real women have curves" or "error 404, boobs not found" or something like that and then looking at myself and thinking "well, seems like I'm not a real woman then". Also, clothes shopping can be really frustrating, especially bras or cute tops. No one should be shamed for their looks, because they don't hurt anyone.
As someone who had teenage acne and now adult acne, the “put a finger down“ activity sparked something. I experienced the opposite of some of the prompts: I have been essentially told I am beautiful except my face, and it took me a long time to feel okay posting selfies without it being a full body shot.
I feel this, I've had acne for like 10 years (sometimes it was worse, sometimes better) and I've tried everything. but the one thing that made the biggest difference was going vegan (cutting out all dairy). I rarely get pimples now, it's insane what a difference this made for me. I don't wanna be a preachy vegan and i'm sure you've also tried everything and seen doctors,, but if you wanna try something else, I'd suggest stop eating all kinds of dairy for like one month and see if there's a difference
@@Inominifia Hi, I just want to say that I've been vegan for more than 3 years and my acne never went away. Right now that I'm home 24/7 is not that bad, but I noticed that it's pretty random. Sometimes stress can make it worse, other times I'm in vacation enjoying life and it would be terrible. The main issue is that my father had acne until his late 20's. Pretty much genetic for me! But it's true that many people that went vegan had less problems with acne, of course.
I also want to add that this video helped me finally realize that I need to learn more about the acne positivity movement (similar to the body positivity movement). I didn't realize how much shame I have around my acne.
@@evercuriousmichelle me too, I want to see more about that movement! Though I've been embracing a no makeup look even at my worst, I'm always self conscious and kind of ashamed.
Acne really sucks. I started getting it at age 12, and at age 26 (almost a year ago), after having tried all the common medical approaches, I decided to start taking isotretinoin (accutane). I'm almost done with that medication now after 10 months, and it seems to have stopped the acne finally! Although it has left me with fresh new red scars on my cheeks after all the acne it seemed to "push out". I don't usually wear makeup either, but I am self-conscious about my skin and it does affect my self esteem.
(I'm sorry this is so long.) My four problems that I tend to see in a lot of body positive things. This is just in general, of course - a lot of body positivity is much more intersectional and just keeps getting moreso, which is so fantastic! 1) Most body positivity I see is geared towards cis women. I totally understand why this is, as a cis woman, but it al-so breaks my heart that there are entire communities of body positivity for people who look like me, but not for my cis male partners who struggle in each of their own ways with how their bodies look. Or for that matter for my trans and non-binary friends who'll have to navigate both/all beauty standards across genders! Yes, the weight of how you look dictating your worth falls most heavily on cis women/people who others assume are women. That's a huge thing to tackle. Still, I want my beloved friends, family, and partners who are not cis-femme to benefit from the positivity more as well. I think the platonic ideal of Body Positivity of course includes all of these people and their bodies. It's just not quite there in most of the high-traffic body positivity spaces. I get why, it's just a frustration that we are Not Quite There Yet (in most of the most visible body positive conversations and spaces, that is). 2) Hourglasses only. Most of the bodies I see (again, the vast majority are larger cis women) in body positivity images, videos, drawings, etc are larger hourglasses. Big hips, big thighs, big boobs, relatively small waist. Al-so they tend to still have a well-defined chins/jaws. And like, yeah. That has been the beauty standard from centuries past. It's gorgeous! Like... *lost in daydreams* Any-way. But hourglasses are not the only kind of fat, or even the most common, and obviously body positivity isn't only for fat cis women. My very willowy cis femme friends struggle with feeling "flat". A lot of people in my life, myself included, gain fat primarily around the waist. That means hips, butt, etc look smaller or differently portioned in comparison. Al-so faces may kind of blend into necks. 3) In addition to all of that, not every-one is symmetrical or otherwise "proportionate". There are typical asymmetries of course, but there are al-so folks with scoliosis, with degenerative disorders, developmental disorders, or chromosomal differences that change how they look. There are folks who have Down syndrome, who have Rickets, or are missing part or all of a body part that most people usually have. This is more than an otherwhise "typical"-looking person in a wheelchair, but that's al-so important visibility. Again, we're moving in the right direction, but have a ways to go. (Mantra of the century/all of human existence.) And al-so again, there are in fact lots of spaces and art that do include all of these types of amazing bodies. 3) I struggle back and forth with the tagline, "every-one is beautiful". Some-times I'm all for it, but some-times I'm like, do we need to all be beautiful? Can we instead try to divorce how attractive one feels/how attractive others find you from our sense of self worth. Much easier said than done, I know. I know that Everyone Is Beautiful is a step rather than an end goal. I just al-so want to be able to look in the mirror some day and be like, "I'm not beautiful, and that's a-okay. I'm still an amazing and worthy person and my outward appearance is not a reflection of me as a person." Fucking hell it's a lofty goal, and I am so so so far from that looking at myself. (I'm 25, have al-ways been fairly pretty, and am extremely aesthetically as well as sexually and socially driven, so like... This is a long game for me.) I'm closer but still not there a lot of the time with other people. 100% I have multiple standards ingrained. They al-so shift a lot. I don't think progress is a inexorable march forward. It has forward steps and backward steps for each of us individually as well as in larger communities and even larger society. I guess more than any-thing these are Things I Think About. I love body positivity, and this comment is in no way meant to tear it down, or tear down people who do fit into any kind of beauty standard. We all reach higher when we build each other up. I love you all, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk/reading this Thesis of a comment?
@@khaxjc1 You are a brave soul for reading the whole comment xD I just reread it and am so embarrassed at the various grammar weridnesses and meandering trains of thought. I appreciate you for interpreting it!
Thank you so much for mentioning nonbinary people- not only is it hard to navigate the confusing mess that is getting used to not having the same standards put to you anymore, but it strikes me as criminally unfair that you actually do get new ones- there's so little nonbinary representation in media, but what people there are are usually thin and amab or inhuman (no applicable biological gender or not explained)
Shaaba (& anyone else with the same issue)... Don't beat yourself up over the internalized body negativity; overcoming it is one of the hardest things to do! It's easy to be kind to others that social constructs (like body-shaming) have discriminated against when you are a good person; you instinctively know that being unkind to others is wrong, regardless of context. It's WAY harder to be kind to yourself... this video, and the honest thoughts and feelings expressed within it, are proof you're making amazing progress on your self-love journey! Just remember all of your subscribers know you're perfect and beautiful just the way you are! Keep up the good work, and stay proud!
One possible answer to "why society has turned out this way" and also to "why it is not changing / changing so slowly" is: This is a real experience. When i was in 6th grade (I'm in 12th grade now, so this was in 2014/2015), the guidance councelors were making a spoken survey type of thing to asses the kids' emotional and mental well-being. It was like a 40 minute conversation with the councelor where they asked a series of questions and made you talk about yourself, I think it was also aimed to find out how well the students knew their own strenghts, weaknesses (both academic and emotional), etc... The questions were written and despite my councelor's visible effort to make it seem less like an interrogation and more like a casual conversation, it was uncomfortable. The most uncomfortable thing was this question: What is something about your body that you dislike the most? (I know that sentence sounds weird but I had to give the direct translation from my first language) Seems like an innocent question? I think not. After thinking for a couple of minutes, being the naive little kid I was, I said "I don't have an answer to that, do I have to have something that i dislike about how I look? If that was about my personality, I would be able to answer." At the time this didn't bother me much but as a few years passed by, I realized how much i was affected by that single qusstion. It seems very innocent, seems like a question asked to kids so that they open up about their insecurities. But what if they don't have any, about how they look, because they have learned not to give a damn about what others might think of their body? I remember thinking "This is a pretty standard survey, so does this mean that everyone else has an issue with how they look? Am I the only one who doesnt think that way?" And feeling very confused. Had they asked "Are you comfortable with the way you look?" or "Do you feel the pressure from others to look a certain way?" or even "Are you in any way insecure about your body image?" I wouldnt be talking about this today. THIS is why people are the way they are today. The person who asked me was someone who knew about children's psychology and could have easily changed the phrasing of that question. The problem is that they haven't seen anything wrong with it. If you have made it to the end, yes that was looong. Thank you very much for taking the time to read it❣ Edit: I was a chubby kid and after that year I was a bit insecure in anything that showed my stomach and in bikinis... Now that i know better, i feel better about myself...
That is a perfect example of how "well meant" is the opposite of "well done" (sorry, wonky translation- it's from "Gut gemeint ist das Gegenteil von gut").
@@rhokesh4391 Haha dont worry about the translation, i get it. I speak german too, yet I hadn't thought of that phrase while writing this. It really fits perfectly to this situation.
Body positivity is meant for everyone! It kinda defeats the purpose of body positivity if you say "it's totally ok to look like body type x because not everyone looks like that disgustingly unrealistic body type y". I've experienced skinny shaming and have received many rude comments about my bad skin and scars (something in the body positivity world that isn't talked about much!), and as a result I've really struggled with low self-esteem. So yes, body positivity is there for everyone, no matter what they may be struggling with!
I wish 'unhealthy' people were more included in the body positive movement. People with health problems deserve respect, support and love too. I think it's a bit of a problem if people think it's okay to be bigger but only if you are healthy. Your body deserves to not be discriminated against if you are healthy or unhealthy. Your health should not factor into that.
For a long time the people around me were very critical of heavier people because they “aren’t healthy” but see, I have chronic headaches and a few mental illnesses, so I had to give them a reality check like “I’m not healthy, weight doesn’t equal health, and someone being unhealthy doesn’t give anyone the right to treat them disrespectfully” Since then they have been more respectful to people of all body types
Thank you! I've been chronically ill and fat for most of my life and for far too long I was waiting until I was "better" to live my life and feel like I was allowed to exist. It's such a sad way to live and see yourself. I'm still working on not being ashamed of my body at 28 years old, it's a big thing to unlearn when even kind, knowledgeable people like Shaaba perpetuate the "fat is ok but only if you're healthy" mindset. It's important to know that fat people can be healthy though, and doctors can kill people by telling patients to just lose weight when there are other health problems that need to be addressed, or, like me, telling me to lose weight as a child despite being healthy, so then making me ill from anxiety.
i think people also need to see the difference between "i'm unhealthy because i'm fat" and "i'm fat because i'm unhealthy". Being shamed for having several GENETICAL illnesses that make losing weight both impossible and incredibly dangerous and still being told that they would "just go away if i was skinnier" ... yeah, not that fun.
@@unicorn-in-the-library1508 totally in the same boat! its an endless circle with the doctors -_- I've been in pain since I was 3 and somehow that pain is caused by me being fat today, also trying to be more active is very likely to cause permanent internal damage so......... yeah xD
Shaaba talking about how isn't 100% there in regards to body positivity towards HERSELF hit home so much. Like she said, acceptances and self-love towards oneself is hard and a journey. I 100% can relate to many of the things felts in the video. Idk why it so much easier to love and support others but when it comes to giving that same love and acceptance to oneself its so difficult.
About the three girls on the beach: The middle one is Nia Sioux, she's a dancer who was on dance moms where she was (from a very young age!) always criticised for being too large to be a dancer (and also always put in "ethnic" costumes and dances if we're talking about skin colour because she was the only black girl on the show)
In “East Asian World”, the same thing happens. You are forced to overeat from a young age, and yet are expected to be like, literally 50 kg skinny skinny. Additionally, you are expected to be light in color, to have a skinny, yet round face shape, to be tall but not too tall, to be submissive yet strong... like I don’t get it. Ugh it just burdens me so much.
In perfect honesty, felt a little bummed about how female exclusive this made body positivity feel for me. 😅 I realise you were mainly looking up stuff to boost yourself so orientated around your likeness, just remember men and non binary could feel a little alienated after the ‘offense’ at the guys video! Otherwise, love you and your content! Just felt the need to say :)
Yea, like men's body positivity videos about men's bodies being great and enby ones too would be amazing. But I guess I get that if you're a woman, women's vids might be the most helpful?
The whole body positivity movement tends to be skewed in a very specific direction: plus sized women who are fat in the boobs and hips, have traditionally attractive faces, and are very feminine. It's redefining beauty in an incredibly narrow way. Fat women are expected to over-perform femininity so it is to be expected that this would be the case with activists, but still. More nb people, more men, more no-makeup women, more butch women, more traditionally unattractive women!
It seems like Shaaba felt similarly to me with the guys video...it's the difference between "other people still find you sexy so you still have value" vs "I'm a human being so I have value". I agree that it would be nice to see more male body-positivity.
Thanks for sharing, as I said to someone above too, thanks for calling me out on this! I realise that my bias made me interpret the video one way, but that it equally could have been about himself and other people, so yes, HUGE apologies and thank you for making me check myself (: BODY POSITIVITY IS FOR EVERYONE! x
@@alliem8700 (as a woman here) I just dont think it should be interpreted as "well I dont need a man to validate me" when I felt as though it was just him trying to spread positively so it irked me the wrong way a little when she interpreted it that way very subtly. It doesnt matter if it was a man saying that, because the message would still be the same even if a woman said it. Its generally women who care more about what other women look like, not men (not saying all the time but its the overall thing). its a very exclusive mindset to basically assume that men can't comment on things like this without it being interpreted that way.
That "different" vs "perfect" one also made me a little uncomfortable because it's still like comparing two body types and saying the "different" one is better... And like aren't we supposed to be working towards not comparing our bodies and saying one is better??..
Jaime Harrell yeah, as a skinny girl I often feel judged for having the “ideal” body type. It’s weird because there is little body positivity aimed at skinny girls who feel insecure about issues eg, I don’t feel comfortable wearing bikinis because my ribs show. I regularly get comments telling me to eat more or stop starving myself when in actual fact I eat the same as everyone else I know. I don’t have a ‘different’ body type than what is usually shown in the media but I still struggle with feeling imperfect. I feel like this video didn’t sit quite right with me.
Yes it makes me unconfortable too, she was clearly judging people with ''perfect body'' as she said... even her eyes, face at 11:08 was speaking a lot, she was judging the girls because she was not on the bigger side as the other girls in the video.
OMG.... The South Asian bit is so true...Can totally relate to it as an Indian. On the one hand you are made to feel guilty for not having more food or wasting it because you are so lucky that you have food on your plate (as against those who dont ...poverty etc) on the other hand the aunties will make fun of you for being a chubby girl, at the same time girls are not allowed to spend too much time outdoor due to the obsession of lighter skin tone among South Asian society.... So glad I found you.. Thankyou so much for your videos I feel more confidant about my body and skin tone... Lots of love Divya😘😘💝💝
tbh I don’t even think that being healthy is the most important thing, yes it is important but also there are many many people who live their whole lives with chronic illnesses or poor people who can’t afford healthcare or healthy food and they shouldn’t be devalued for being unhealthy. We are all human, we are all people and that is where our value comes from no matter how you look no matter how healthy you are 💖💖💖
Maxx thank you so much not just for pointing these things out but for thinking of them at all. So many never think about the implications when they say stuff like that.
About Jamie being skinny, as a skinny man myself I've been told many times in the past (when I was even much more skinny despite eating like crazy) that I looked anorexic (yes - mental health stigma used in a bullying way, ideal, isn't it?) and looked sick, or like I was about to die, or I didn't look like a "real" man, or my body was ugly because of being too skinny. So, even if our society for sure treats skinny people way more nicely than people not considered to match current beauty "standards", there can be a lot of hate received too, so body positivity is very much appreciable as well.
Thank you so much for addressing the south asian culture aspect!!! 😭😭 I literally feel like I've never heard anyone else talk about that. Ever since I went through puberty I've been having that struggle because literally the same people telling me I should eat less and lose weight are the ones forcing me to eat and telling me how rude it is not to eat
Loving the video Shaaba. Just wanted to drop in here chat about what you say around 9:34, body positivity should not be about being healthy. Unhealthy people deserve to love their bodies too. Health and weight are not necessarily directly related and you can be unhealthy due to things which have nothing to do with your weight regardless of what your weight is. I'm disabled and chronically ill, my body doesn't function quite like everyone elses because my genetics are weird. I still try to love my body, or at least be neutral about it. Hating my body isn't going to change how it works, it'll just make me feel bad. It has in the past made me even iller because I've not put the time into looking after my body because I wanted as little to do with it as possible. But anyways, I wanted to get that out there because that little section pulled me out of the video a bit. Always happy to have a conversation about it if you want to dive further into that world!
Hey! Health of course doesn't equal worth and everyone is deserving of love and support and respect, regardless of health. I wasn't clear enough with my choice of words, but my point here was that people often think body positivity means encouraging people to eat a lot and gain weight, but that's not the case, it's saying that all bodies, no matter how they look, should not be discriminated against. All body types and sizes should be encouraged. However, when I said this, I thought about the two people in my life who have severe anorexia, which is unhealthy and should not be encouraged at all. In fact, in this case, encouraging means enabling a mental health issue that could lead to their death, hence why I wanted to caveat that with the health comment. I hope it's clear that in the context of my discussion, I wasn't talking about health or disability in general, but instead, health related only to severe and extreme weights that should not be encouraged, because doing so would be enabling people to harm themselves and others, such as in cases of anorexia. Thanks for sharing x
I've been soooo self conscious recently as I'm bigger than my bf. This video couldn't have come at a better time. Loved it and I loved your wedding dress video. You looked stunning. I'm really trying to get out of my head about hating my body.
The fact that you said skinny people need body positivity too was so so sweet for a super tiny but not unfortunately not fully body positive gal to hear !! I personally feel so empowered by the movement but often hear others say it’s not for thin girls like myself and that skinny people are already celebrated or whatnot but seeing people of all sizes be confident just lifts us all up and helps me in my own life so much. Thanks for sharing and being so open and honest you are a true gem of a person !
I love this, I feel like a lot of people think body positivity only ever means I completely love my body all the time but sometimes body acceptance is where you gotta go first. I accept my body as worthy of respect. I accept my body as something that allows me to go from place to place, or to think, or to breath whatever works. Once you respect and accept your body than you can move on to loving it no matter what it looks like, whether you are healthy or not, whether you are typically abled or not
All people of any body shape , colour skin colour ,race and ethnicity whether you are straight or lgbtqia+ you are wonderful and beautiful just the whay you are !! Plus scars and stretch marks are proof that you have grown /survive something and you are a stronger more powerful person for it and both stretch marks and scars in my opinion look badass💪
I just wanted to thank you for keeping in your comments about talking to Jamie and allowing us to see you checking yourself and your quick judgements. It’s so refreshing and reassuring to see you make a snap emotional response and then share the re-examining of it and the new enthusiasm that followed. Much love xx
Yes every beautiful body shape needs body positivity even our skinny beauties. We just need to accept each other in all our gloriousness! Such gorgeous ladies in these tik toks! I was feeling so ugly lately and this video boosted my confidence. Thank you Shaaba!! ♥️
I absolutely love your honesty in this video, and that you are showing the real process of what it looks like to grow and re-evaluate your own initial biases/self-critiques. It's the realest thing ever and makes this so so so relatable. I appreciate you for having these honest moments of questioning on-camera, it feels so validating!!
I didn't realize I was smiling through a lot of this until my cheeks hurt at the end. It hit home about the family thing. My mom has said to me "that is a lot of carbs" and "you inherited all my bad physical bits like the flabby tummy, you have to get that to go away."
I’m soo glad you posted this I spent 2 hours crying over how much i hate my face yesterday . I have struggled with my appearance since i was a child constantly avoiding photos and then hating the ones I’m in, I cried when I got my school photo last year. I’ve tried to use quarantine to help myself get better I have improved my health and am now at a point where I can accept my body but my face is still my biggest insecurity. It’s posts like this that remind me I am beautiful, thank you so much. Hope everyone can learn to love themselves your amazing and hot and beautiful and sooo many other things 💕💕
Oh god i feel you i hate like 90 percent of pictures of me and for a long time i ran from every camera as much as i could xD but lately i'm trying to see it as preserving a memory if that makes sense? Like yeah i might look shitty but it's about the moment and when i will look back at it in a few years i probably won't care about how i looked in the picture but be happy about the memory. I mean not gonna lie, some pictures of myself still make me cringe so hard but it's a start
I feel the same way. I used to constantly blame my chubby cheeks as a kid, then acne, then not knowing how to use makeup. Over time none of these became problems anymore, but I still didn’t like my face. I learned that the photos of myself that I enjoyed the most weren’t taken by me, they were taken by friends or at parties. Having a small handful of photos that I like of myself gives my hope that someday I will be comfortable with myself.
i completely relate to the part about family not accepting your body because i’m italian and i’m quite skinny so they’ll practically force feed me at family get togethers and tell me how i “need to gain weight” but at the same time they’ll turn to my family members who are a bit larger and make fun of them and tell them they “need to lose weight” it’s like bro just let us live
Totally agree, we have a similar thing in Mexico. My father talks shit about every woman that isn't totally skinny (not close friends, strangers on the street) And at the same time, I once went to the doctor because of a cold (being a minor) and he started talking about my weight and (deadass) told my mother that he wanted to take me home with him so he could feed me like I was a dog. (Felt the need to rant, sorry)
Luz Elena Serrano don’t apologize for ranting that’s so terrible you had to go through that! everyone is beautiful and we should all be able to be happy and healthy in the body we feel best in!
Hi Shaaba! Just wanted to say I totally agree with what Jamie had to say! I’m very thin but I have severe eczema so I’ve got a lot of scars, red marks, scratches and ‘imperfections’, so I think normalising different skin conditions is really important to body positivity! I also think it can apply to features like noses, like I’ve had a really hard time trying to like my nose. I just hope everyone can be comfortable in their own skin! Loads of love xxxxxx
I just did that fingers down thing and I had no fingers left up now I feel extra sad 🙄 I really hate my weight and body, I have a super supportive fiance who tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves my figure but I really struggle to see it 🤦♀️🤦♀️ I wish I had these amazing womens confidence ❤ I have that view like you where I am like you look amazing to others but could not do it myself 🙄❤
I ended up with 8 down. The majority of those are things that are out of our own control though. We can't change others opinions of us. We can't avoid sweating or having chub rub or society not making clothes in sizes that make clothes shopping at least manageable if not enjoyable. Try not to feel bad about yourself because of this issues that other people have put upon you. Be kind to yourself lovely x
I don't think it even really has anything to do with it being "fat girl" edition. I am average weight for my tiny size. And I also would get a decent number of fingers down. Like man shops have such bad lichting and it can be a hell for many reasons, so with shaving, so with only have pictures. It is unfortunaley part of being such a superficial society don't make them get you down. Just try to live your happiest and healthiest life. Edit: got down till 3 left. Also: I wish atleast people would say I have a pretty face haha. Only every get comments about how I am dressed lol. So I wish I would be able to take that finger down.
I do not know if I can help you in some way but...I think you should consider your body like the " chocolate box" were all your good qualityes as a person are in, like a " car" in wich you have had a lot of great memoryes of a life jurney! If you see the box of your favorite Candyes it is beautyfull because it means that you are going to taste something delicious! If you see your car you see all the beautyfull places you have visited and all the emotions.... you, and everibody else, are not just an image in the mirror or on a magazine! You are a multisensoryal expirience for everyone that meets you! (Your tone of voice, sense of humor, style...) plus: for everyone that loves you you mean so much! ( hopes for the future, memoryes, possibilityes, happiness,affection...) you can not see that in the mirror but is there! Never forget wat your body means to you either! It is the "car" you have been traveling in!; so...you have been happy in it! You have overcomed hardships in it, is there for you wen you want to have fun, and can tell you wen something is wrong! So...be happy and hug your boyfrend!
I'm someone who's mental health is really dependent on how I think I look and all that jazz. I've got a shit metabolism, and I'm a generally heavy and round person. Not going to lie, this really made me feel better about myself, even if it is most likely for a moment. Thank you Shaaba for spreading the love
I stan this dude telling us we’re ok. I mean reassuring boyfriends also get an important part of the job done. There’s that familiar energy in that TikTok. When I was single, as a girl who likes boys too, I might have needed that.
Victoria Garrick is phenomenal for body positive content! She is a former d1 college athlete (USC Volleyball) who has been open on RU-vid and TikTok about her struggle with binge eating disorder and mental health. So she may be althetic in her frame but shes a great resource!
I get where you where coming from with the rant on "it's not different, it's normal", but difference is normal! You do not have to love your body all the time and you can see that some things about your body may be a bit different from the average person (eg. when you have a disability), but different does not mean bad, and that is the point! Differences are something to be celebrated, genetic diversity literally makes us more resilient, and our bodies are beautiful BUT they are so much more than beautiful! They are strong and allow us to experience so many great things, and we do not have to be in love with how they look all the time, we just need to acknowledge how important they are to us.
The three girls dancing tiktok that you weren't sure of is because she was on dance moms and in competitive dance the majority of people where really skinny and people where telling nia she wasnt skinny enough 😃👍also love the vid 😄
The whole thing abt holding urself to a different standard is so relatable!! I was buying clothes w my mum earlier and didn't realise that some of the models were the same size as me until she pointed it out, bc they looked so beautiful and it didn't register. I think part of it for me might be dysphoria - I'm nonbinary, I wear womens clothes more often than not bc they actually fit my body - but also bc I was so unused to seeing models who were my size, so I didn't even notice until I was directly told. It's weird, how willing ppl are to put ourselves down when we see the same things as beautiful in other people :((
So I’m a UK size 6/8in clothing, so stereotypically small, but I have awful body confidence. I had anorexia in my teens and have a healthy body now, but I still find myself crying I’m the mirror and having panic attacks over my thighs and arms, and not wanting photos taken of me - I’m also very self conscious of my stretch marks from gaining back the weight. I think body positively is important at every weight ❤️
So good to see some body positivity content! Most of the time when people I don't watch for this type of content specifically talk about weight it's always horribly intolerant.
I really appreciate how honest and open you are about your learning process in all this. I think it helps to see someone that you can be fairly sure of having good intent who is working through their own biases and striving to be better. Thanks for sharing your honest journey.
Haven't watched the whole video yet but loved the live streaming I got gifted a subscription today so happy you have such a lovely fanbase so proud to call myself a sweet potato xx💖
The one with the three girls in bikinis - That was by Nia Souix who is a dancer/public figure. I think that as a *dancer* specifically, she has been told that her body is too curvey/thick
It was good to see someone checking themselves!! It’s ok to check yourself. 😊 We all need to sometimes. Thank you for being you!! Also, great video! Much love!
im gonna watch this tomorow cuz its pretty late and mom will get mad at me if i don't go to sleep now ×.× just wanted to say that i love you're channel and i love that you're so body positive it makes me feel better about myself 💕^^
And why body positivity is important to the extremes that aren't healthy is it gives them the love for their body that they need to care about it. If someone believes they are too fat to ever be loved/accepted/admired, they may give up on their body and continue bad habits and choices. The closer we can bring that line to them, the more they see their healthy potential is within reach. It isn't all or nothing; not "normal" BMI or bust.
Kinda got hung up on the "as long as your healthy" part. The movement initially started as fat people and people with disabilities speaking out against the systemic discrimination they face. Acknoledging disabilities and chronic illness as an important part of the movement is so so so important. Yes loving yourself and feeling beautiful is important, but like...thats not really the initial message? The initial message was no matter you disabilities, illnesses or size people should not get to treat you as less of a person, society should not get away with discrimminating against you when it comes to health care, employment, housing, all of those issues. Beauty may be a part of it, but theres like so much stacked against us systemically. Self love and body positivity as movements aren't the same thing or at least weren't intended to be in my opinion.
thank you. I feel like the movement has been coopted by people of average size and turned against larger folks and left us with nothing... trying to find positivity for and about and by people who look like me is a nightmare.
@@sashasparroww in my experience, try looking for fat acceptance instead of body positivity. They often have roughly similar motivations as the body posi movement initially had. Still really sad imo, since body posi was about more than one kind of marginalised body, and fat acceptance is only about fatness. I dont know if theres are similar things going on for diasbilities and chronic illnesses, Im really sorry.
The comment about positivity towards scars and other similar types of marks on the skin really hit me, I've never had anyone say any positive things about them before. I've always seen or been told about how to get rid of them, so thank you very much for the positivity that I didn't know I really needed to hear.
TW: eating disorder mention I struggle a lot with body positivity as before I came out (i'm trans) my family used to constantly comment about my weight and how much I ate. It led to me not eating much at all as a result but that's a whole other story. I have been working at getting better over the past 3 or so years and have gotten better little by little! I am still skinny as hell but I have a stomach and chubby cheeks etc now and it doesn't bother me to a panic like it used to. It is just a step by step thing and I am really proud of everyone who is taking those steps! You aren't alone
My worst experience with body positivity was being told I couldn't use those tags because I was skinny. At the time, I was recovering from anorexia and hated my weight restored body. Body positivity is for everyone; disabled bodies, able bodies, hurt bodies, fit bodies, small bodies, larger bodies, normal-sized bodies, ALL bodies. Let's stop the gatekeeping.
This is the wholesome content we love! My heart is so warm, ahhh. Was on the twitch stream, but need to sleep before a busy day tomorrow, but couldn’t resist this before bed! What an evening treat, thank you!✨
I showed my mum a body positive tik tok that Carrie hope Fletcher made and I loved it so much but my mum said "ah now that's just silly" and it really upset me, then this video popped up and it's made my DAY ♥️♥️♥️♥️
i do not like the way that 'body positive' people gatekeep the movement and hate skinnier people loving themselves. it just shows that they arent truly body positive because if they were they wouldn't feel so attacked and offended
That’s… really an extremely uncharitable read of a lot of larger people’s negative reactions to skinnier people including themselves in body positivity. The body-positive movement was an outgrowth of the fat acceptance movement of the 1960s. While the scope does go beyond just the acceptance of plus-sized bodies, it is still very much rooted in the fat acceptance movement and the need to fight societal fatphobia. It’s kind of all we have, as far as social movements that actually stick up for us. And there has been a real problem lately of thinner (or slim thick) folks coming into these spaces and taking way too much focus off of the original topic at hand - bigger people’s right to exist without experiencing social & medical abuse. And often these same people will perpetuate the same fatphobic abuse that body-positivity was meant to fight against, while hijacking the movement we created in order to feel better about their own bodies! It’s not “hating skinnier people loving themselves,” it’s a very real fear that we will be kicked out of the movement we created because we aren’t considered socially palatable in the same way that skinny people are. I’ve seen it happen, and Lizzo has spoken about this on her Instagram before. I’m not saying that all the responses are right or okay - I do think there’s room for skinnier people in body positivity as long as they respect the history behind the movement - but there’s an actual fear underlying these responses that is not actually unfounded. I feel like dismissing that is short-sighted and kind of shitty.
I have horrible body image and I'm loving your videos. I also have PCOS and am struggling with weight gain, but you're helping me to learn that I can be beautiful without having to be smaller ❤
