i read draco malfoys memoir so you dont have to 

Tom: I actually *don't* like Harry Potter because I'm too cool Also Tom: i slytherined griffindoringly to the audition

Tom Felton really lives his life like: "I messed up? If only I was a true slytherin.."

Chaos queen. Hopefully after people realize how well Jennette McCurdy’s book did, they’ll actually write decent memoirs about their lives and not just dick, fish, and unnecessary name drops. However, I need a Robert Pattinson menace memoir about twilight.

Those bits about him being mean to Emma hurt even more when I remembered that she had a crush on him when she was a kid 😭

i think it's even funnier to think that publishers didn't even *ask* him to add in harry potter stuff because he's famously still a huge fan of it

opened this convinced you were just going to read drarry fanfiction and was fully on board queen

The main 3 cast members of Harry Potter are kinda famously known for being surprisingly well-adjusted after spending 10 years of their lives as part of one of the biggest movie franchises in history. So it could’ve been interesting to hear Tom’s negative experience with that but I guess his publisher was more concerned with nostalgia baiting and qUiRkY names for things.

Please keep reviewing autobiographies it's hilarious

Taking how many times _Slytherin_ has been used as a pick-up line; yes, Slytherin is indeed The House of Porn.

Carly covering another British (magical) royal sends me lmaoooo

You’re a lot more charitable toward him regarding all the excessive Harry Potter references. He’s quite literally made playing Draco Malfoy his personality these days.

The way 11 year old Tom Felton predicted the Gringotts dragon before the book even came out. Iconic

Someone un-ironically bragging about being on the cover of Carp Talk is literally the funniest thing

This book is great to dissolve the 13yo in my brain who loved Tom Felton and thought he was perfect and sensitive and blablabla. If it weren't for Harry Potter movies, he'd be on Tinder with several photos of him holding fish. And that makes me sad for my inside 13yo, she's heartbroken

love carley getting popular so we can have more hater representation in society. because i too will take every second finding something to hate.

„slytherin is the house of porn addiction“ 💀💀 I CANNOT

if yall want a good memoir from a harry potter actor actually, evanna lynchs is so good. its quite centered around her eating disorder, so big tw. but she writes so well.

I love the irony of Tom playing down his privilege as an adolescent and trying to come off more rough around the edges, when Draco was the exact opposite! And the way he treated young Emma is so sad when you think about the fact that she mentioned having a crush on him back then! At least he outgrew that phase, and they seem to be good friends now!

Fun fact: Tom Felton's mum ran a domestic appliance shop in my own and every year she would put a picture of Draco in her window on halloween

I just imagine him having his own fishing show and he constantly keeps making Harry Potter references as if he’s being held at gunpoint

"The forbidden fruit, the devil's lettuce " I screamed at this help 🤣🤣😂

I really love Tom, I truly do, but I would not be at all surprised if it was confirmed that no one asked him to add the “wizard-lingo". He's kind of obsessed with it and with being a Slytherin and hasn't let go (as seen on his social media), and tbh i love it. It's so funny to me, maybe a bit too much but it makes me laugh so you do you, man lmao

His editors just need to let him write the book he wanted to… a book about fish.

Your low-key freakout about the absurdity of human existence was so relatable tbh

Carley reading All the Young Dudes is so satisfying

Ok but the crap he went through as a CHILD just because of the character he was playing?? And a death threat?? That's messed up...

I'M HERE I'M HERE * BREATHLESS * I'M HERE

its actually rlly wild hearing his childhood stories. HP was a rlly good setup for escapism and I’m sure young Tom was just itching to go back to set after all that and pretend to have magic all day. like i wouldn’t be surprised if the whole referring to himself as draco, and to non-movie things as muggle things, etc. is genuinely how he thought abt his life back then.

petition for you to read the memoir of a celebrity named Richard so you can have an iconic series of reading every tom, dick, and harry's memoir so we don't have to

this is soo painful like i really feel bad for him because he seems like the only one who cannot let go why is his agent doing this to him let him go

“He’s not like other kids, because he loves carp” I’m literally crying

Tom Felton is the guy on tinder with the profile pic holding a big fish.

Congrats on 1M on the Prince Harry vid! So deserved

I actually really enjoyed his book. I liked the conversational tone of it, felt like you were sitting in a pub and just letting him tell stories, and I was constantly having to hide my grin behind the book in public cuz I found it quite funny.

reading a 500k fanfiction during a depressive episode is a whole ass mood

So.. I was following Tom on Twitter since, like, 2012 and I’m not at all surprised. Playing Draco seemed like the only achievement he could ever talk about. It was quite sad to watch actually :( I liked how he used to play guitar, it was charming.

after your stellar review of harry‘s memoir i cannot wait to hear your thoughts on this, I feel like Tom has the potential to be just as unhinged as Harry 😅

I assumed from the title this was about an in character Draco Malfoy "memoir" but the reality is somehow weirder.

our queen once again saving us money and emotional torment

every time Carley calls the Beatles a "niche, indie band, you wouldn't have heard of it" I pee my pants

the fact that Prince Harry unknowingly helped Carly FINALLY after she’s been so underrated 😭bro

I just will never get over my Draco Tom Felton obsession I just cannot no matter how cringe

''stupid kids love little orphan wizard''- I DIED LMAOO. love you carley

“beyond the wand” are you??? are you beyond the wand????? cause seems like you’re still in the wand mr felton

Being scared of teenagers as an adult, so relatable, I was scared of teenagers as a teenager, I was bullied of course, it's like my parents were shipping me off to prison to be brutalized every morning and berated me for being lazy when I cried and begged them to let me stay home. Teenagers are a huge problem and society hasn't figured out how to deal with them.

Carley is now the queen of RU-vid confirmed‼️ so glad the hottest person alive is getting the recognition she deserves! congrats on 1M views!

Never heard of a word Gryffindork in my life before, and I used to be a huge Potterhead, can't belive I found out about it this way lol

there's been so much draco malfoy content on my tiktok for no reason, and at first it angered me but now i'm kinda happy because i'm coming prepared for this video

Never thought Tom Felton would basically write a whole book about fish 😂

Did I have a depressive episode last week where all I did was watch every uncarley video? Yes I did. Did it make me more depressed after running out of content? Yes. BUT NOW IVE BEEN BLESSED WITH ANOTHER UPLOAD 😭😭😭

Petition for Carley to do a review of the fan fiction she read. ( we all know which one it is👀)

the way hp has been his whole personality for the past like 10 years i dont think it was a team choice LMAO

I've been binge watching all your videos ever since the prince harry memoir lmaoo

Was honestly not expecting this to be a book about Carp, love that for him

Him bullying Emma Watson is made so much worse by the fact she had a crush on him for most of the movies

girl you get funnier & wittier with every video. TALENT

“I may be clinically depressed but..at least I’m in the school spring play” THE WAY I RELATE TO THIS LMAOOOO

Literally came across your channel because of prince harry's memoir vid, i gagged, i screamed, i shookt, what a wild experience it was. you truly are one of god's strongest soldier for enduring that book's (among many others) content & taking it for the team. you're such a fun & witty speaker i really enjoy your vids. and you give me the urge to read more books, so THANK YOU.

I feel like dedicatedly reading the entirety of a very long Harry Potter fanfic is the hallmark of a depressive episode. Should be in the DSM.

Im sorry you're going thru it but just know that your videos are the only source of happiness and comfort in my exam filled life rn 🙏🏼

you have my favorite book videos on youtube!! you deserve all the views you're getting. love you girlie, thanks for making my day when you upload.

Watching you go through famous people memoirs has been a delight. There is something about memoirs that is SO unhinged I can't get enough of it. I'm reading one from a scriptwriter from Murder, She Wrote and it is so shockingly wholesome I can't believe I'm reading a memoir. I need to move on to some more chaos ones.

Also I literally hear your voice and the way you phrase things in my head all the time about whatever I’m doing at the moment 😂 (that’s a good thing bc you’re an ICON)

The way this upload just made my day- ❤ Discovered you like two days ago and went down a rabbit hole of just bingeing all your videos, and just as I run out I find there's a new upload 😭🥰 truly iconic timing

The fact that she looks like draco herself makes this so iconic

The "we're gonna murder a child? That's what we've settled on?" part was fucking hilarious 😂😂😂

Tbh out of the main actors I think Tom is the biggest ongoing HP stan

carley doing god's work by giving me not only hilarious memoir recaps but also style and decor inspiration. keep on girlboss

Honestly, Malfoy (the character) would’ve fit right in with the British royal family.

you’re one of my fav comfort channels love your content and sense of humour infinitely, keep up the good work, girlboss

Tom: I didn't give two CARPS about Harry Potter!!!

i’ve only found your channel recently but i adore these videos

Hell yes! This has been on my TBR, and I would much prefer your commentary on the book! I started Evanna Lynch's (Luna Lovegood) memoir. While trying not to perpetuate the eating disorder triggers when describing her struggles, she limited the details, which I get; it just fell flat for me. Did anyone else feel this way? According to Goodreads, my opinion is not the majority. The cover of her memoir was stunning! I'm here for another HP actor memoir!

We appreciate uncarley for staying true to herself. We wish her all the best in her life.

Your the reason I bought this book, and I’m so excited to read it! I’ve already read a couple of pages and I’m so obsessed. Especially at the beginning with the message from Emma Watson, was so wholesome. So excited to read this! Thanks for encouraging me. ❤️

I hate that I knew all about Tom and fishing because every summer there are Draco sightings around local lakes and fishing related events (of which there are many 🙄)

This man fishes

carley reviewing the memoirs is my new addiction i love u bestie xoxo ANDDDD CONGO OMG URE SO COOL

Oooo! Can’t wait. I saw it on your StoryGraph and new we were in for a good (broom) ride

My favorite youtuber ! Love your content. Congrats on 1M girlboss!!

Carley, I have just stumbled upon your channel today & I must say - I am DELIGHTED. You are so funny. Can’t wait to binge it all.

I don’t know if you know this Carly, but Tom Felton played Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter film franchise 😮

I was gonna skip the ad until I saw your Lichtenstein print in the background. Now I love you even more

i love your intro/outro song it matches your vibe so well

I'm forever glad that I stumbled upon your channel 😅♥️ your rendition of books and TV shows and movies make my whole day

I still remember when I was 14 and my friend and I wrote a Draco Malfoy fanfiction called beyond the wand😂😂😂 Edit: Samsung auto correct 🙃

I genuinely did a spit take at the mention of “carp media”

Tom Felton's Magikarp brother thought he was getting the evolution story, only for Tom to troll him & be the gyarados of the bloodline. A true Slytherin

"Ravenclaws drink hand sanitizer" Ok, so I was a massive Harry Potter fan as a child/teen, and systematically sorted as a Ravenclaw (you better believe I took way too many quizzes aiming to determine that...). It's 2023 now and I'm a confirmed hypocondriac. I'm using so much hand sanitizer on a daily basis I may as well bathe in the stuff. When I tell you this sentence knocked the air clean out of my lungs. :D (also loving this already. I know that it's not your most used format, but those one offs are so fun to watch! I feel like you get more space to get into things, which is neat)

Everytime you post i feel like i needed it. Like yes, tell me about tom felton's book, maybe that will calm me down

I literally LIVE for these videos they're comedy gold

you seem like such an interesting and and kind person!!! love ur videos

Bestie really does the most for us💗

Okay but isn’t Jeanette McCurdy’s memoir like really good and she’s only like 28?

I didn't read them but Matthew Perry or Pamela Anderson memoir could great to read ! 😇 Thanks for this video ❤️

I only discovered your channel cause of that Harry video, and you were UNHINGED, and I loved it😭😭

Completely unprepared for the whole carp content but loving it. Fish carping met gala. This is what the world needs more of.

I literally need you to do audiobooks girly your voice is so captivating lol

That was the best beginning of a video that i have ever seen.

I feel like I'm always stanning in the comments, but I just enjoy your humour and style so much. Truly the queen of taking one for the team, thank you for your continued service 🤗