I Spent Over $30K On My Wedding, And Now I Regret It 

You're absolutely right! We love luxurious holidays. We spent 21k on our honeymoon - 3 countries, 4 weeks. Incredible experience. But again, we didn't experience financial stress to get it either so it was super enjoyable on all accounts.

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Sounds like engineers with good understanding of calculations, money and risks. Im an engineering student

You guys are smart!

What does a 1k honeymoon look like? I just feel like that money wouldn’t go very far at least not in my city.

😢 sad

I love this idea because, in the end, a wedding is just a gathering of family and friends celebrating a couple's union.

Student loan? Paying off someone else's student loan is not finacially prudent.

@@ebadd3468it was a gift. Giving away money is not financially prudent, but if you have the money, you get to choose where to blow it.

@@KristaldeauCityLights nop. We didnt have kids.

THIS!!!!

People need to start getting prenups. Don’t lose all of your life’s savings to hyper greedy lawyers in a divorce.

It could have been worse - you could have spent a fortune AND gotten divorced :)

I wrote a comment to this effect but then deleted it. I've never been married but I wrote that it seems odd to spend a decent amount up front when you haven't even been tested yet as a couple. Unfortunately, some marriages end in divorce and we really don't know who will stay married and who will split up. All the best to you.

Yes!! A vendors side is needed. Most of us are small businesses just trying to survive without burning ourselves out. If you don’t want/can’t afford something, no worries do what you want but people who value these services need to pay for the time and effort we put in, but also the experience we have. We’ve learned the ins and outs and help as best we can, but we can’t do all the work for free.

@@mara-shields No one's asking you to do it for free. We're saying that you should quote the price for the service that you usually charge for non-weddings. If you often have to do extras for wedding parties (like the tailor above), then list your quote with addendums about typical behavior you see with weddings rather than tack it on to all weddings regardless of the client's behavior. Charge for the work you do, don't charge for the work you *might* do because it's a wedding and not a reunion/grad party/holiday/other type of party.

@@anakaliahaoa2551 I don’t charge for work I might do, I charge a flat rate and some couples are super easy going and some need more help/are more demanding. I charge a fair rate for myself and offer the help for everyone and don’t take on more than I can handle in case they all need that help. But in order to not get overwhelmed or burnt out and provide the same quality to all my clients, I need to charge over $3k per wedding. Most people are at least respectful and say they understand why my prices are higher but they don’t have the budget. Which I totally understand and wish them the best and recommend others when I can. But in this video they act as if video isn’t important at all, literally say it’s not needed, and that in spending over $3k the couple “got got”. Even within our own industry we have other vendors acting like we don’t matter, and I’m so tired of people not respecting us and our work. If someone values video and wants to (and can) spend $3k+ for someone with experience, skills, and knowledge of weddings they shouldn’t be made to feel like it’s not worth it and a waste of money. It’s more about how things were said specifically in this video that has me and others upset. We need to hear from the other side, the side of these small business owners who are charging what they’re worth finally but facing backlash because “things didn’t use to be this expensive”. Yes, because people worked themselves out of the industry from burn out! Marriage is a right. Weddings are a luxury. If someone can’t afford a mustang, they aren’t going to go complain and say terrible things about the company. They’re going to look for something they can afford. If I was charging what I’d charge a non-wedding, it would be at least double. Corporate events are so much more expensive simply because they have the budget. But I personally would rather do 2 weddings over 1 corporate event because I enjoy them. People also don’t want to be nickel and dimed so you usually can’t go back and add charges if they do end up being more time consuming. I do weddings because I love it, but constantly having to prove we belong in the industry at all is very disheartening, especially by someone with a large platform.

That's low key misogynistic.

@@anakaliahaoa2551 So, you expect non-special pricing, yet it is special order tailoring? Yeah, no this doesn't make sense; you could run your business this way, but its a great way to lose a ridiculous amount of money, extremely fast

Sounds beautiful! Congratulations!

​@eurovianmutt Not quite the same. At least in my culture, family reunions typically focus on one branch at a time (ie mom's family or dad's family) and friends are excluded.

Completely how I feel and spent about the same. My wedding was one of the best days of my life!!! 300 people who loved us partying all night would never regret that ❤

Love this! My wedding is in three months and I’m so excited to celebrate this huge milestone with all my friends and family, who I will never have together under one roof again, especially considering we all live in different states. I think we’re made to feel like it’s silly to have a traditional wedding with all the online content about wedding regret but if you can afford it, why not? I saved up for this before we even got engaged.

Love this! Though I'm not religious, I do believe a big aspect of our culture that we've lost or give less value to these days, is having ceremonies. These special occasions where your family and friends get to collect all together, "break-bread" so to say, and celebrate each other's milestones in life. It creates a sense of community and keeps you in touch with some folks you wouldn't see in your regular life otherwise. I know how expensive these moments are, and that it is a privilege to afford big gatherings, but it is becoming a rarity almost to have a wedding, and then when you get out to one, you remember why they're so much fun, and how they're a great milestone in this couple's journey in life together. Just my two cents., but no judgement at all on people who decide to elope!!

Same here, 30k and I don't regret it. Didn't go into debt. The only regrets I have is I wish I had been more present and taken it all in, but I was a bundle of nerves! And also wish some of the contractors had done a little better job on a couple things.

Good for you!

That sounds epic.

🤣🤣🤣

if it was a fire, well-tailored everyday dress i’d say that’s a win!! ❤️‍🔥…if however it’s a crinkly princess ballgown like Diana wore that’s a big fail.

Most wedding dresses are really cheap looking strapless sequined monstrosities I wouldn’t wear once tbh. 😅 like ariana’s slip dress? she could wear that 3 days in a row but most wedding dresses aren’t truly wearable

brainwashed into thinking that’s “average” when that’s only what the Knot reports (with incentive to make it seem higher!) from people who take Theknot surveys lol. I think average is probably 15-20k in actuality. :)

Wow nvm, apparently that’s average to low for SF! eep!

♥️ this!

Yes! I remember even the intracultural shock I had in initially discussing what constitutes a "big" wedding with my spouse. "Oh, his wedding wasn't really that big. Only about 200 people." Or "Sure, I've been to half a dozen 500 to 600 people weddings..." When I met a cousin of his sister-in-law, she was so excited to meet me and said, "oh, yes, we heard that you got married in secret!"...totally, because there were only about 115 people at our wedding, we clearly eloped, lol :)

Fake cultures full of showing off and lying, who would have thunk.

My husband and I also got married during the pandemic--four people counting us in a local park, and my mother-in-law streamed the ceremony online for the rest of our family and close friends. I have no regrets either! We did have rings, though, but I ordered ones not specifically marked as "wedding" rings so they were only about $70 each. My husband does have a pass-down ring he would eventually like to get reset and give to me, because the band is so tiny!

I got mine on Etsy for about $50? But David’s bridal has some for like $30

I mean it depends on what kind of veil you're buying, but high quality lace (even just trim!) is often handmade and takes hundreds of hours to produce a few yards. The veil costs more if you're buying something made by professional artisans making a living wage! That's one thing that I don't think is necessarily a scam. The dress, veil, etc - all stuff that is often custom sized/made, hundreds of hours of labor to construct, uses high quality & very delicate fabrics, and so on. I think you can get something awesome for way cheaper, but I also understand why some get priced that way.

So should a home, but the way ppl are crippled by their friends’ and families’ opinion is wild.

I would think twice about asking friends with special skills to donate their services. I have a friend who was invited into multiple bridal parties to do their hair and makeup free of charge because she was a professional stylist. In the end, she was "working" 12-hour days and completely exploited, it was not fun for her at all. Given how many weddings are treated by their clients as such high-stakes events that strive for unrealistic perfection, it's an incredibly high-stress position to put someone in who isn't even being compensated. The relationship would have to be rock solid and the wedding party very accommodating and flexible to even entertain asking people to work for free.

amazing! how many people did you invite to the dinner? I'm trying to think of lower cost ideas like this

SF City Hall is gorgeous. If I ever get married, it will be there.

@@emiliabolsasI just googled SanFran City Hall and holy hell! It’s GORGEOUS. Compared to every other City Hall I’ve experienced lol

SF is so insane… I have seen some pricing on Reddit, and I am aghast. Considering the figures I have seen, this couple did extraordinarily well on cost. However, it’s completely understandable if they regret having a wedding at all, and I appreciate anyone who is brave enough to share the message that they regretted spending the money they did on a wedding. This said, I’d be far more interested to hear why people regretted spending $$$ on a traditional wedding and why those who did it would do it again. I wish we could have more dialogue about what people got from the experience, and how people who didn’t enjoy it or think it was worth it landed on that conclusion. I’d love to hear about the process and emotions of those who went over budget. Knowing how people’s wedding budget doubles throughout the planning process would be helpful. What is not helpful is shaming anyone and everyone who had this experience that most of us do value and view as a life milestone. I say this as someone at this stage, and completely open to eloping because I know that so many people don’t enjoy wedding planning and that their wedding didn’t go the way they wanted. Or it did, and it just didn’t fill “the emotional need”. It would be so much more insightful if content like this could identify the emotional need that various couples were looking to fill, and how they could have done that in a less expensive way!

@@devlynne We invited 40 guests and 30 people was our final headcount so our total cost will likely be under 7k! If you are in the area check out Wayfare Tavern, they have gorgeous private dining rooms with full service and bar packages included. I believe food and bev min is $2500 and room rental is $500 so it’s definitely a much more wallet friendly option if you’re trying to get married in SF.

But the lechon always tastes good!

Yes! Malaysia too! Can relate, and it feels like theyre doing a competition to show who has more money by having the most extravagant wedding among the relatives 😅😅😅 ohmygosh

@@WestZ yes it is but that lechon is a status symbol too and must always be placed whole on the buffet table! 😅 chopping and servin qwill be done only after photos are taken

Most men aren’t interested in that (unfortunately) so it’s assumed. They just pick groomsmen and show up on the wedding day. That’s why it’s like that

I'm not married, but when I look at the way people in American media talk about weddings, it sounds like it's all supposed to be about the bride, the bride, the bride, the briiiiiiideeeee.... and the groom is just an accessory to her day. It seems incredibly one-sided (I'm from Europe and I don't think it's quite the same in my country, from what I've seen among my family and friends, although it's getting more this way because of... well, because of the exposure to American media! :-D )

The wedding industry? I feel that’s a silly thing to complain about. It’s the wedding of you BOTH, not the industries wedding. So if he didn’t have a say, or you didn’t let him - that’s both your faults lmao

@@liyahs1energy I think we shouldn't ignore the social complicity in this issue. My wife and I were similarly annoyed at the marketing around childcare: have you ever seen a car seat or stroller package with a picture of a dad on the side? If our culture constantly tells a group of people not to be interested in something, they will not be interested in that thing.

@@BegravelseinBrussels a stroller ad isn’t what’s making a father less attentive of his own flesh and blood. Nothing could make a truly loving dedicated parent like that. Have you seen the interviews where they ask dads a few questions about their kids then the moms? Don’t know their kids birthdays, name of school, name of teachers, name of best friends, picky food habits. It’s not normal and I’m not going to look for excuses for it. They’re grown men.

Thank you! I’m looking at comments and thinking, am I the only one that had a good time here?

I think there are two frames of thought. The joy a wedding brings you vs. the joy it brings others. It also depends on personality. I love music and dancing. I want to do the big wedding, but if you are not into that then yeah probably a waste

Yeah I don't wanna be a hater but some people who brag about making their loved ones work to put on their wedding (potluck where everyone is expected to bring food, asking them to decorate, asking them to host, asking for the cleanup or to take all the pictures for free or do hair and makeup for free) just have me wondering if anyone even enjoyed themselves

@Rikku147 yeah, I love putting on events. I'm fine with people helping out a bit, but I want to make sure people are having a good time.

Exactly! I love hosting and being able to do that brought me so much joy. Again totally agree that people spend A LOT ON WEDDINGS and can get super influenced to go into debt. Just wanted to add the perspective that weddings can still be worth it, if it's worth it to you!

Some people don’t have to wait to save up….the point of being engaged is to get married after all.

@@VBoo459 yeah, I’m married and a homeowner. Point is, you don’t have to slash your budget or guest list and can have the wedding you want. 2 years is not very long compared to the life you’re trying to build. But a short engagement with a mountain of debt or a wedding you aren’t happy are much worse options.

@eurovianmutt I am not seeing the connection to long engagement for financial reasons and not knowing my then fiancé.

this is the only way ~

That sounds like a great plan and well thought out. Congratulations!

I thought was how it was normally done? :) If I had a baby moon I'd go to the beach bc pregnant women are cute af.

Yes exactly!! The last trip as a couple before becoming a family, and the last stress free trip 😂 We did our honeymoon 6 months after our wedding so it turned out to be our baby moon too and it was great!

I agree with you. We took a baby moon to our honeymoon location (within driving distance). Yes, I was as big as a house and uncomfortable with heartburn, etc, but it’s still easier than having someone watch the baby later on and giving all the instructions and missing your little baby.

You can consider hiring a photographer just to take portraits instead of covering the whole day too.

I had one photographer quote me $10k AUD, but the one we went with cost us maybe $4-5k (I honestly can't remember). I believe in investing in photos, but not to the tune of $10k.

Vendor pricing is all over my he place just like people’s budgets. There are photographers that charge more than double that. Why? Because people value their services enough to pay that. Plenty of vendors serve couples who have higher-end to luxury weddings. It’s like asking how some restaurants can charge $500 for a tasting menu of tiny items. There’s a market for it. There are also vendors the serve couples with the average budget and those that charge less. $9,000 isn’t the norm where I live (HCOL city). It’s usually half that, but there are definitely people around charging closer to $1,000 - $2,000 for a full day of shooting. They do less editing or they’re a little newer to the industry and are working on building their portfolio.

I got married last year in Poland and we had a very low budget too. We had only 40 people, did the party in a restaurant boat and we spent around 600 PLN (150€) per person and that included everything: food, open bar, wedding outfits, favors, photographer, etc. Here in Poland wedding menus have many courses + buffet and all the time I go to a wedding here I get sick because of the amount of food... So we decided to have a cold buffet + main course + cake + midnight snack and it was more than enough. Because of that, we could pay for hotels and transportation of our parents and siblings. The total amount we spent in the event was about 10k. The only trick is we made it as simple as possible, I tailored my wedding outfit, I DiY decorations and made wedding favors myself, I made the wedding cake too, instead of Dj we just created a Spotify playlist and regarding the photographer, we hired a photographer for about 2-2,5 hours just for a photoshoot before meeting with everyone and a few photos at our arrival with our friends (it was 1K PLN/250 €). It is possible to have the wedding that you want with a low budget but you need to get creative and keep it simple.

$9k for 8 hours is INSANE. Did they use the word “luxury” on their site? I avoided anything with that word like the plague. I’m no Kardashian.

True

Your must haves: officiant, you, your partner. That's it really, you don't even NEED rings or a big white dress

Is the point not that she can't afford it? She borrowed it

Yup. We went with a cheaper (but gorgeous) bare-bones venue but after rentals, staff, etc, we kind of wish we had just gone with a more expensive venue that came with more amenities & a lot less work. However, it was nice to pick the exact vendors I wanted!

Two considerations for Weddings at Home: 1) How big is the house? How many guests can it accommodate? Particularly, how many bathrooms are there that don't require someone to walk through a bedroom to get to them? 2) How many guests are you trying to have? The home weddings I've attended that worked best were some combination of SMALL guest list and/or at a LARGE house. Like, one had rain so bad (severe downpour for hours and hours) that the rented tents could not keep up and we had to move indoors. But the mother of the bride was an accomplished socialite who threw events regularly, and made it all work for ~80 guests in her 4500 sq ft house. More people or less room would have made it more of a crunch, and that's when you need to rent toilets et al and home weddings turn out to be as pricey as a venue. You can think of it as akin to how AirBnBs cost as much or more than a hotel, but require more sweat and effort on your part. Venues were built for these functions, have economies of scale, and they do all the set up and clean up.

@eurovianmutt yes, you will definitely need rentals for a backyard wedding. The amount you need will vary based off of the home size and guest list though. You'll need to rent out all the chairs and tables at a minimum. Guests will probably not take kindly to bringing their own chairs. You'll usually need to rent a tent and dance floor too unless everyone can fit inside for a reception. You'll also need to rent a Porta potty if your house doesn't have enough bathrooms for everyone. You can easily spend 6-10k on rentals when doing a backyard wedding where a 2-5k venue would include everything. It's worth it if you really want to have a backyard wedding, but it's not a way to save money.

@@a.j.4644 yeah, that sounds like one of the few situations where that could be a cheaper option and it sounds really fun! I've only been to one backyard wedding. It was nice, but it was definitely ballin on a budget. I asked that family member how much it was because I thought that style would be a good option for me. Now I'm planning and it just wasn't an option for my home. My backyard is sloped away from the house and the inside isn't big enough. I was dreading the planning process because I thought it was going to cost $30k for me to throw a wedding. Budget is $22k and I've spent $10k so far covering most major expenses. I think I only have $5k of expenses left between the suit, wedding band, prenup, certificate, decor, and paying the remainder of the food bill.

@@cindygomez9707 I'm so glad I entered this part of the chat. Because so many people tout having a backyard wedding, and usually say so in a manner that suggests, they don't need to spend much to have a party or prove their love to each other, which I can understand. But they're not totally considering the guests experience and it totally depends on what kind of vibe you want to have. I have a few cousins who don't want to get married (1. because of cost and 2. because they don't care to be married), and a few of them are considering having an anniversary party instead, so that it's a completely relaxed event...still a celebration, just not a formal one!

That sounds fantastic!

that sounds so sweet! :)

aw sounds so sweet! happy pride :)

Congrats! So glad it is legal now!

THIS

i have like 12 things I want to say about this, but this is so true !!

I bought my wedding dress at a thrift store for $69. It is GORGEOUS, and technically my size, but needed some tweaks because I am 4’11”. I took it to a bridal alterations place and paid over $1k for alterations alone 😳

i’m not astounded by how much the dress costs at all, just what people are willing to spend on alterations alone, 500$ to over 1K!?! 😂 And it can be 1/4-1/2 their budget like you’re joking…you didn’t get a deal if the alteration costs more than the dress itself. You just got shafted through the back alley, by the seamstress honestly.

wow had no idea the money was tied to the banquet, that sucks!! i figured it was to celebrate the couple, but no it’s really to cover their plate :/ Other gifting cultures will give the same gift no matter the venue.

I kind of convinced two of my cousins and their partners to have 10 Year anniversary parties, since they both never got married to their partners and are now celebrating their 10 years of being together. In my opinion, people forget about the ceremony and celebration of love, and of course your close and family and friends would be overjoyed to attend your celebration whether it's a decked out or intimate. I think a lot of people forget about this community/ceremony aspect, and elope. Which is also totally fine! But just remember, there are people who would also love to celebrate with you too.

Boomers/gen x constantly don't understand how much more expensive everything is for millenials

@ReneeB-mz9cx I'm sure that's true. However, I'm far from being a Boomer, if that's what you're assuming. 😁 I'm a Xennial.

@@jettqk1 I assume genx, but it's all the same really. The economy has degraded so much since 2021, no one who has big purchases to make gets it. If you already did your wedding/children/house purchases you're just out of touch.

A very rudimentary adjusting for inflation means your wedding would have been around $9k in today's money just for perspective!

@@shalenah Good point!

the boy one where he wrote a book was about being a guest. it was really long i didn’t even finish it, so lotsa content

that’s higher end, the average is sub $2k.

Totally agree. I was just shocked that they spent just $1500 on food. I would be pretty bummed having to attend an out of town wedding and getting eat reheated Costco food. I feel to throw a party the most important thing for the guests is food. The venue might be breath taking, out of the world decorations but if the food is not good it just leave a bad taste(pun intended). She spent more on her dress and rings alone than the food. I still cannot believe how she is coming to 30k figure with free venue and only $1500 in food.

Way to miss the part of the conversation where they said a lot of people down the road would rather have that $$$ for something they feel is more important later in life

@Wee_Catalyst some people like the idea of having all their loved ones under one roof. As long as that brings you joy then it us worth it.

@@ShannaFarley Missing the point as well: what matters to you when you’re planning your wedding likely won’t matter to you 3, 5, 10 years down the road when you realize the ACTUAL opportunity costs that have ACTUALLY played out in your life and decide what you thought WOULD BE WORTH IT, ISN’T “Lavish” and “having all your loved ones under one roof” are not even close to being the same thing Do you get it now that I’ve broken that whole video down into a few sentences for you?

​@Wee_Catalyst People can have different definitions of lavish. Typical weddings cost money that goes without being said. I think there is lots you can say about the toxicity of the current wedding industrial complex, but big weddings are nothing new. I dont think id regret the chance to unite all my friends and family all at once. That's my desire. There are lots "opportunity costs" in life. Deciding where you live, having children, the job you have, etc. People make decisions for all sorts of reasons, but making a decision that brings you happiness in the end is not a foolish one. It might seem silly to you, but i would find spending 10k-12k worth it. It's something I want to do and would look back on fondly. The wedding is not just for me, but for all my loved ones who have been with me until that point. This sort of thing makes sense to me because I love throwing parties and bringing others together. Let people do their thing. Im not going into debt over it and im not passing the costs until anyone else. Do your thing and ill do mine. Also, there is no need to be so condescending and rude. I was just expressing a different point of view.

The big party was not worth it. I had 130 guests and saw no one. All I was doing most of the day and week before was organising as i was on a tight budget. Go as small as you can bear is my advice. All i wanted was to go to the pub with a handful of people after the ceremony

My advice as someone who got married a couple of years ago is, really think what it is you want for the day and then plan accordingly within your budget. My husband and I are an international couple and for us specifically it was important to have both our families come together as they had never really spent time together before, so we were happy spending some money towards that (e.g. we paid for accommodation for all our family members at the same venue for the wedding weekend). We also wanted a nice venue and good food for our guests since half of them were travelling internationally and we wanted it to be worth it for them. Most other things we spent very little on. I got my dress at a charity shop. We spent very little on flowers, photos, we had no table decorations, no videographer. For another couple the priorities would be completely different, but I think it’s really key to know what those priorities are ❤

If it’s just family you want to celebrate with then you could go to a church or a registry office and get married then have a family gathering at your home, everyone could chip in to bring something to the feast. This is of course the traditional way of celebrating a wedding. Your family could be in on helping with the decorations, hire a gazebo and have a bbq. Can you hire tables in your local park/ in the woods and have a garden/bbq party? Weddings don’t need to cost the earth. You can choose a small wedding and build a big life, think back to how your great grandparents got married. Sometimes going back to basics is best.

I struggled with the same thing. We ultimately did both - got married at the little white wedding chapel in Vegas, then threw a $10k wedding for just 48 guests. I don’t regret it I was so happy that day. But I think if it had been a larger guest list or a more expensive affair I would have regrets. Just sit with what’s going to make you happy and is reasonable in your budget. And heck, for some people that’s eloping with their best friends as witnesses.

Really think with your partner about what is most important to the two of you and don’t feel pressured into doing things because you are supposed to. Like my bachelorette party was just hanging out with my bridesmaids the night before the rehearsal when they all got into town.