I Was Brutally Discarded By A Narcissist - (How do I Recover) 

The discard was brutal after 40 years of marriage. I am no longer young and I guess he thought I was to old to recover. As brutal as it was. the aftereffects have been enormous in a positive way. I have learned to discern who people are and decide whether or not they can be in my inner circle. I have peace of mind which I lost 40 years ago. My true self has returned to me. I have lost fear and no longer have to take tranquilizers. I am learning to love again. The demon whose assignment it was to destroy me has been overcome and I will, with God as my guide, live out my destiny.

To be discarded by a narc is a blessing in disguise, take time to heal... than rejoice!!!!!!!

It's like being pushed into a deep ,dark well ,and looking up from the muck, you see them smile and wave goodbye.

Talking to these demons will delay your healing. Trust me, I made that mistake. It's like cutting off a rotting part from your body. But the sooner u cut these things off, the better. NO CONTACT..... Great video. Im am doing soooo much better. The dark clouds over me have given way to sunshine.

When we're discarded we should thank them for letting us go, otherwise we would never have walked away.

I could not swallow, my state of anxiety was so severe. I sat in a cafe and it took an hour to eat a small piece of smoked salmon. I went to the Dr to get sleepers and anti anxiety, I got therapy, several different ones at different stages. I went no contact. I learned to give up so called friends. I leaned on others. I listened endlessly to utube videos. I put one foot in front of the other most days. I went on the roller coaster of emotions and I hate rides. I trusted time and talk would heal me and today after the hair salon, I look great and feel strong, just keep going, it’s grieving a death as the person you knew doesn’t exist, it’s rising above the devalue and it’s knowing that no contact, ignoring the narc, is your revenge because they hate it. They know your value, you must know it and because you know your value, eventually you’ll just shake your head and say, what was I doing with such a bottom feeder. Your no contact is screaming that at them. Life goes on at all ages. Just take it an hour, day, month just like any bereavement. I promise you, this too will pass.

It is like someone died. I actually said that to a neighbour before moving. Unable to talk to anyone at that time .it is so awful. And very cruel thing to happen to anyone. You can't discribe the pain.

four years after the discard, two years after the divorce, he has not hoovered me. I am convinced he will never come back. 35 years married, 45 years knowing him and he's gone out of my life. I am on my healing journey without him.

It was the most intense pain both emotionally, which then affected me physically. It is brutal. Especially when the covert narc has 100% completely isolated you from ur former friends & family. They take great delight & get off big time discarding u to leave u completely alone. Its almost like they thru their actions are hoping they push u to suicide. It is the most cruelest thing anyone could ever do to a fellow human being.

After 50 years of narcissistic abuse, I thought I would never sparkle again. Believe me when I say, you will get through it and see the sunshine again. No contact is necessary!! It took me 2 years, but it WAS SO WORTH IT. Not to mention the freedom is undescribable once your healing takes effect!! Please please do not give up on yourself!!!

They hate who they claim to love.. no accountability or responsibility..

It is true it's not a normal break up!!! Throwing a stranger in your face and laughing is not normal!!! They do want to cheat in peace and continion us for abuse no that's not normal!!!! I have learned so much. I almost lost myself!!!

Hi Paula ,, after 8 painful confusing years , I was the one to discard him ,, I knew it was time to finish the game he played with me,, it’s been a year now and I’m free !,, I’m happy ,, my adrenal fatigue is gone !,, this has taught me a huge lesson ,, I’ll Never ever go through that again!,,🕊🕊🕊

I had no knowledge on narcissism at the time I had a break down wanted to end it all…. But I can say with my heart it was Jesus that saved me… he’s healed my heart and that was when I started researching on what I went through to discover my relationship was with a narcissist… everything started making sense it started to make me stronger and validate it wasn’t me going crazy and I was with someone who promised me a fairytale but gave me a nightmare…, My heart was destroyed I can’t even explain it.. Only someone who dealt with a narc will get it.. I just want to say to anyone reading this I pray you heal.. and you WILL X YOU was never the problem infact your a beautiful person and that’s wat attracted these nasty demonic creatures… I am here for anyone who needs someone to talk to.. I believe god wants us all to help each other that has experienced such a heartbreaking ordeal Stay strong guys and remember your a beautiful soul and never let anyone tell you anything different 🙏🏻❤️🇬🇧

Prayer is what saved me! And that's true. I was pretty much left for dead. Fast forward couple years later the new supply has left her and she is desperately trying to hoover me back. The holy spirit working through these channels has saved me. Im going to intense pray and ask the lord should I buddy with someone. God is still healing me. All glory to the father son holy spirit!!!

Yes - it's trauma bonding.. it's a shock to your system.. then they return like nothing happened.. they are monsters..

Discarded by 2 adult kids because they both married to toxic people. Took grandkids away too. It is devastating being we were a close family, we are good parents. We gave everything we could to them and their spouses and they turn our backs on us. Healing is hard

This ghosting BS is insanity.. it's completely childlike - cruel & shows exactly how evil they are..

Thank you for mentioning that People feel suicidal when they're being discarded. That's exactly how I felt at that time and my narc knew that's how I was feeling at that time, and he didn't do anything. He didn't text me once or call me to see how I'm doing, and I can tell the last time I saw hin, His focus was completely on his new supply that he was seeing on the side and I found him in bed with her. And it disturbed me that this man was telling me that. He loves me on Thursday now all the sudden. I mean, nothing to him, he doesn't care if I'm dead or alive. I still feel a lot of embarrassment and shame that I felt suicidal. He said to me by saying this to him, and this even pushed him away further. The truth was he was getting close to someone else. he knew How attached I was to him but he still Decided to get close to somebody else While he was telling me every morning every evening that he loves me. And then all the sudden he said he doesn't love me anymore That's because he was getting close to this young girl on the side. But at the end he didn't really wanted to let me go either he Said he needed a break to think about things. He just wanted to give her a try And keep our relationship open just in case. It's been over four months he hasn't texted me and called me once.

Thank you Paula, I can so relate to this, I've been in the survival stage and all you have described, suicidal, depressed after been brutally discarded by my ex and abandoned with three small children with no explanation or valid reason no closure, no empathy, just cold. Thankful to God I am on the other side now I've come a long way and still healing. Videos like yours have helped save my life and three amazing children got their capable mammy back and the hundreds of students I teach an even wiser experienced teacher. Truly grateful. X

The key to moving forward is in understanding that yes, this person you loved so deeply and held so dear is not real in that they are so disordered that they cannot comprehend or live up to the beauty that you saw in them. That is the real pain that we can do nothing about. The true heartbreak. But this also helps our healing to understand the entire tragic insanity is outside of us and our control.

My discard was brutal also no empathy period I survived no contact period is the best way. I had to believe in myself again everyone around me thought no big deal he’s an idiot what they said at the time with no idea of what I was going through at the time? I got through it all alone. It was hard! Now on the other side he was an idiot yes- I was way to good to even be in his life in the 1st place. I was fooled. I thought he was a completely different person. Thanks 🙏

I made it past all those stages that you talked about. It was a long painful process. But i made it. Now i look back & ask myself, " what did i ever see in that person?" I still don't have an answer for that question. Lol But now i do realize that i don't have to be in a relationship. I would rather work in my garden & grow my own food. Love u Paula. U R a beautiful person....

Thank you for this message. Anyone that has been abused in any way needs a lot of healing and prayer not to attract the wrong person again. Feeding a narcissist is horrifying and draining. God bless

I want to put my hand up five years post discard to reassure anyone- yes not only do you become so much happier in your own body and mind but also your life. It is a strange loss .. worse than death because you lose them twice. You lose them then you lose the illusion of who they pretended to be. It helps to realise all that love you imagined... that they triggered forth within you.. where you felt loved and whole in the beginning. That was never them.. it was YOUR love and your heart. Your capacity to feel such love. Honour that. You don’t ever lose that. Soothe and nurture all of yourself., the light and dark. Just face it all slowly with gentle compassion and understanding of the patterns we inherit. Once seen we can work on healthier ways of being that will allow you to only choose what feels right for your self. Lately I have realised that when we wake up in the discard to the brutal fact they don’t need us ..we can let go. Often that is our childhood language of love to be needed, to fawn or please. So ultimately the discard is the pathway to create new healthier patterns of true love for self. That will extend out in a loving resonance. I send so much love to anyone going through the first years.. it is so painful I know 💖 but I promise keep doing the inner healing .. loving you.. get into nature .. there is a bright blue sky behind the clouds. Thanks to Paula for your wonderful work 💚🙏

Betrayal then summary execution. That's what the brutal discard feels like.

They do awful things to you and others, and then kickback in their recliner and watch how you react with that sick smirk in their eyes. They enjoy your pain. Yuck! They are gross! Bullies on the playground. Creepy.

He brutally discarded me via text after five years. I sent him two loving texts thanking him for our wonderful time together, then went NO CONTACT AND BLOCKED HIM. In this way you give yourself closure. You show strength, and end it on your terms. There is no crazy email, no phone calls, nothing. He can say and do what he wants after that, trash me go ahead, I walked away with my head held high, when he threw everything at me he could. Its almost been a year and I am enjoying my life and all the loving compassion I have heaped on myself. I had just been dropped on my head by another narcissist prior to this, I didn't learn my lesson so the universe brought me another one. I get it now. There should be a course in school teaching young people about these types of people, they can ruin your life. NO CONTACT IS KEY........

100% Paula, I still don’t understand why on earth would you be with anyone you don’t want to be with, waste of so much precious time. So difficult for everyone getting over this! Their the one who leaves - and blame it on you!!!

The 1st real shock is the waste of time energy and life they put into it!

I know myself now & know my worth … Thanks 🙏 but still in the path towards complete happiness ❤️

They totally force themselves onto you and will not take the word No. They dont listen to what you want its always about what they want. They change like the weather, move the goal post all the time. Your feelings will never matter to them. They beat you down chip away at your self esteem leave you in a reck. Im healed and healthy. Im still a little anxious at times but feel fearless. Stay single untill you are probably healed. Make friends very slowly get to know people. Listen to yourself and no one else.

29 years married. Have cancer and he refused to help me. He didnt think I would leave with cancer. I just divorced him. He is so angry with me. I really insulted his ego by leaving.

3 years out after 30 years of misery. I now see, that he never had anything to offer. I feel very good and almost completely healed. His life is not going well at all now. Probably didn't find a good supply yet😎

I remember when he discarded me 10 months ago it was awful I felt like I was going threw withdrawal it was depression on another level couldn't sleep but I went to work it made me feel better I went to counseling for 4 months It went from depression to severe anger I really wanted to throw gasoline on him and set his ass on fire.... Thank God I didn't do anything to him ... I have been no contact for 10 months and I feel way better ...... I pray ... now the narc wants me back , he'll nooooooo....he talks to my neighbor tell him he loves me I tell them I don't wanna hear it ......

Yes! The future faking is mind blowing when you realize who they truly are. They are abusive to the highest degree

The discard happened quickly and brutally. No discussions, no confrontation. He just wanted me and our baby out of his life. It was unreal in every way. No tears, nothing. Just like a walking rock.

You do heal and you never look back. They will disguise you when you are disconnected from them. You will wake up to the truth of who they really are. And you'll know that you will never settle for anything other then the best.

You do recover. You do actually think it'll never end. You do start noticing other ones around you, and you start cutting people out, even old friends, family, changing jobs. You do change, for the better. You do have to do a lot of work, and you have to be gentle with yourself as you get it wrong here and there. The loneliness, this is something you have to embrace. It IS growth and it's worth it. In a sense, I'm glad it's happened.. it needed to happen, it was hugely painful, tremendous loss, but loss of those who needed to go.

You described my last year. I thought I would die in the survival stage. I went to my doctor. She recommended therapy. I am just now thinking I never want to see the narc again, but am not totally healed. We were in relationship only seven months.

I was with the narc for 13 yrs but have been no contact since 2020. Do I still have bad days & ruminate about the relationship & what might have been? Yes I do! BUT on the flip side, I have to remind myself daily that God granted me the inner strength to escape & the good days I experience without him in my life far outweigh the bad! For those of you that are going through the beginning stages of realizing you were/are with a monster, do yourself a favor & RUN while you can! One of my biggest regrets is the time I wasted on trying to "help/fix" someone that had no desire to change! If only I had known then what I know now! But I'm continuing to move forward each day, count my blessings & will never ever look back!

Their are still good people out there, and you are definitely one of the good ones. Bleesings!

I can remember that brutal and cruel experience. The most painful thing I've ever endured. But today almost 3 years later, I've regained my authenticity. My truth. My boundaries. My sanity. My mind. My health. And finally... pursuing all the things this man amd his family kept talking me out of. Ive survived 3 near death experiences w this man, and every thing he attempted to convince me were my faults, are actually such strengths I'm so grateful for. Thank you for your vulnerability and candor. So appreciative for your guidance and the community of we survivors. Much love n strength to all! 💘

I feel at peace, strong and free of toxicity!!

Not that I would wish this on a dog. But true, you do come out better......and better!

Have you done a video on how all these women come out fighting for the narcissist? I have broken up with 2 narcs. Both times, these women came out of the woodwork like he was the one abused and help him get the last laugh

I have been healing for a year and a half now----I did not think I was going to live through it-‐- I have been blessed with learning what happened, what I have lived through- just in shock and now not so much. Forgiving myself for selfishly putting up with , what I thought , was a person that had been so mistreated through his life!! Unbelievable lier!! I felt so stupid!! Omg,,,still healing but a thousand times better! Thanks for posting, the discard information has been , literally, a life saver! God bless you

It's so wonderful that the presenter is able to articulate these truths. I was so disabled after the relationship ended, I had no power to even express what happened. Thank you for these videos. It's been 7 years. I have no new romantic relationships.

When leaving the narcissist, the grass is greener on the otherside for real!! I have been no contact over 2 years and divorced and I 'm living my best life and you can too. I"m healing and truly loving ❤️ myself! Paula, thank you so much for helping us heal!! We love you!

You get better everyday...trust the process

I would have to shower a couple times a day or just take off and go for a drive just to sob. I didn't want to scare my kids because I really did think I was going to have a breakdown

Yes you will recover but it's gonna take time, everyone is different and on they're own timetable. Learning about the disorder will help alot in regard to explaining what happened to you but it still hurts a lot. I'm three years removed from a 10 year relationship, 2 years no contact and it still bothers me. She could give me exactly what I was lacking, she knew how to touch me in a way no other women ever did which is why the discard is so powerful. It's like suddenly this person appears who I never even knew. One thing I'm tremendously grateful for is this whole situation taught me about myself like nothing else ever has. Few months ago I saw the narc with the new supply and it set me back a few days, luckily they didn't see me so she didn't get the opportunity to gloat. Thank goodness for that. Stay stong friends.

I’m getting there now where I see the ex narc as a caricature figure, because that’s all he is, for him it was only a game. Thanks for another great video

This channel has opened up Its heart. And it is making a difference.... On the wings of love....

Rebuilding takes along time. Processing is pieces that fall into place. Realising the true nature of these characters is a huge relief whether it was before the internet or not.....what never ever changed was I/you knew in my/your gut something terrible was off but you remained your kind loving self. The black and white colors were felt all through the relationship and in the gross grand finale the mask fell. End of horror story ☠️🖤🕳

Thank you Paula. It is of utmost importance that people have someone who can relate to that type of trauma. It is truly as a death. And every area must be worked through in its own time. Dive into the pain and push through the healing.

One thing that's helped me the most is understanding how the narcissist used my own narcissism against me. Anyone who has fallen for a love bomb has this issue. The narcissist mirrors an image of us back at ourselves which appeals to our need for validation. We love being seen as perfectly cherished in someone else's eyes, but we often also love the fact that we seem perfect in someone else's eyes. I dont have NPD, but being around several narcissists for most of my life made me very narcissitic. You can't play in the pig pen and not get dirty. It's hard for me to accept my contribution to my own abuse cycle, but my narcissism told me that if I stuck it out, I'd get the love bomb back (even though I didn't know what a love bomb was at the time) and even that my love could fix the narcissist. It's all a smoke screen. A follie a deux. On some level, I believe I always knew this, but I loved the shared fantasy and the tragedy of it all created drama that I thought was meaningful. It wasn't. Life is not a fairy tale. Sin and evil are real and we have to decide how we are not only going to deal with the sin and evil in others, but also in ourselves. Narcissism is evil in a smart suit. At the end of the day, all people are flawed and there are no perfect relationships. There's just boundaries, compassion, repentance and forgiveness. Jesus showed us the way. Study how He dealt with narcissists. He often went silent or grey rocked. He is the way the truth and the life. Like it or not, He's the only way out of this mess we've created collectively as the human race. His gift is free, we just have to accept it. To heal effectively, among other things like no contact and education, we need to understand that we were dealing with evil. We also need to forgive ourselves for our own contribution to the narcissitic relationship. They can't abuse you more than you let them. It's been a difficult lesson for me, but a necessary one.

No contact = freedom, even though you’ll feel like it’s goes against every fibre of your being. It is helping, day by day along with these videos and this community! As a Christian I connect with these videos more so than any other channel on here, thanks to you Paula. 🙏

Thanks for your resilienting words.

This is one of my favorite videos…. Thank you!

I’m so sorry for everyone who has gone through this. It’s painful, but the light always wins. We are all stronger than we might feel. My inner strength has got me though. I’ve found spiritual wisdom and the lessons I’ve learned have been an amazing experience. I can only be grateful in the end. It gets better. Love gets us through. For anyone who is willing to do the healing process, it’s not easy, but I promise you’ll get there

He discarded me on the morning of the 5th of December all dressed up ready for my first Christmas musical. I was singing that morning. For 90km's driving back to my destination, I had a friend on the other side of the line, crying my heart out, sobbing my eyes out, not knowing how I am going to be able to keep it together. But God's Grace is sufficient for me. I did manage to keep it together. Now 8 months down the line, my life is taking on a whole new meaning and slowly but surely my heart is mending. Never again do I want anybody if it means loosing me. Stay safe.

Another great video Paula. If anyone is newly discarded and new to learning about narcissistic abuse and you found this channel, I would first like to say I’m so so sorry. Your world has been turned upside down but trust that what Paula and other channels are teaching you is the truth. It is not your fault. They have a disorder and you didn’t deserved to be abused. It’s been 9 months for me and I still go to sleep every night with a RU-vid video on NPD playing in my ear. I try to focus on the healing and recovery process now but in the first few months I just wanted to know what the hell I was dealing with. It’s the only way I can stop my mind from ruminating about him being with women. Knowledge is power and the more you know the better off you will be and you can start your healing journey. Trust the process. I live in the states and I’m on central time zone if anyone EVER EVER EVER wants to talk. This is a caring and loving community....you are not alone. 💕🙏🏼

My ex narc left me and our small I Interior Alaska, where he isolated me, 3,000 miles away. I was in survival mode and depressed, I started seeing a counselor that walked along side of me through the whole process. I also saw a Doctor and got on antidepressants and anti-anxiety for a bit. I'm on the other side now, getting my life back. I got closer to God and He has provided all of our needs.

You manage to describe exactly the dynamic. Thanks for this. You explain so clearly and with empathy.

I only left the narcissist 1month ago i am feeling a lot better already the narcissist is living with his new supply who he met on the fish dating site thank you so much for your great videos i really love your videos

Not sure if it's possible to recover... maybe after one or two of these experiences but this has happened three times now, the most recent was extremely cruel and sudden. The first one attempted to kill me (strangulation), with the second one I wasted 10 years in a state of emotional turmoil and repeated shock and disbelief, the third and final one has broken me and I know that's not the right way to think about it. But he did, it happened. I'm very proud of those people who can actually thrive afterwards. I'm not going to get there because something fundamental has shattered and that's just how it is.

Thank you Paula, now iam in surviving stage, when I was discarded I was shocked, slowly iam in heelung process, iam depressed but hearing your speech motivates me to move on and survive, May Gid bless you for sharing your speech which is very helpful for survivors like me. Thank you.

I can remember the discard like it was yesterday. It was beyond brutal and yet it's been 3 long years of recovery. I'm just getting to the stage where I can go longer periods of time where he does not cross my mind and I don't listen to Narcissistic videos around-the-clock like I used to (though I will continue to educate myself on the topic and I love your channel, Paula). I will say in the beginning it's something you feel you will never recover from. However, every day does get a little better in time, but I think it is something I will never forget and in some strange way I don't know if I will ever fully heal from, but I know my life will go on without him. I seriously don't know if I will ever be able to fully trust someone again. Thoughts and prayers to everyone still healing.💓

Dear jeanine, well said. I am so proud of you. You are a strong beautiful woman! I am barely surviving 25 years with my husband, and still trying to see the truth and find me. Lots of love as a child of God and a survivor in this life!

Good to hear that you have overcome. I'm still taking it one day at a time.

Everything you have said here is so exactly true...my discard was beyond brutal, also and in the last almost three years of a few calls to the suicide hotline, terrible depression and losing income because of it and the accepting of hovers before i knew what they were...i am now going from barely surviving to thriving again like never before thanks to your channel and a few others...do not know how i would have actually faired without you guys...it is a beautiful spring here on eastren long island right now...my gardening business is doing better than well right now..i am sitting out on my deck right now and couldn't be more at peace and genuinely happy...and thank you for your condolences with my dogs harry and daisy...and you look quite well yourself!

You absolutely know you have been involved with a narc when you identify with every word in this video. My only consolation is that I know I am not the only chump to have fallen prey to this evil species.

Discarded after causing narcsissistic injury by asking her to stop belittling me on front of a few friends. Rang me the next day and absolutely tore shreds out of my character. Couldnt believe it was the same girl i was talking too. No accountability and of course it was all my fault. Thousands of euros handed back across my kitchen table for trips we had booked for later this year without a care in the world. Only two weeks previous she was asking me to move in with her. The clean up after an 8 month relationship really made it hit home how crazy it all was. The smear campaign is in full flow now, and im one month no contact. Thank you, paula, for your videos. You have no idea how much you've helped me. I realise now this isnt the first relationship I've had with these demons. My spirit is recovering, but the pain of being used and abused still remains for now but everyday it gets a little better.

The discard is the worst part, even though I'm nearly 8 months out now I really appreciate you doing this video, even though I'm better than I was the discard nearly broke me, I had a particularly cruel discard too, all discards are brutal though and I think this is the part we all struggle with most along with accepting we spent years with people that werent real and never really loved us and the fact they rewrite history and smear us I think, the cruelty, its diabolical, they are diabolical and I'm certain God has turned them over to reprobate minds because they dont seem to think theyve done anything wrong and if they do they completely justify it to themselves, no normal human being, ever, could do what they do, so keep that in mind when you are suffering and hurting, it wasnt you, they really are sick, I believe they are spiritually infected, evil, I understand it's classed as a disorder but I believe in God and the bible talks of these kinds of people in the last days. For anyone who has just been discarded, please just keep breathing, that is all I kept telling myself when it first happened to me, drown yourself in knowledge and watch as many videos as many times as you need to, take care of you, dont push yourself too hard, Paula mentioned in one of her videos a while back to try and do little bits here and their dont push yourself, I spent months unable to function whatsoever, I could barely take care of my son, i felt suicidal, I couldnt eat, I lost 2 stone in a really short period of time, you have been ABUSED by what I can only describe as evil, it took me a while to admit that to myself and to admit that I was completely conned by somebody who is loved by the majority of the community apart from me and his ex everybody thinks he is the most amazing person going, it is gutwrenching, I'm surprised I wasnt violently sick when the mask came off. The first few months are the absolute hardest, if you cant function it's totally normal please go steady on yourselves, cry as much as you need to and just do what you are able to do, it does get slightly better as in the first few months are absolute hell, your whole body will be in shock, you feel like you've been killed but you are still alive, once the shock passes which takes months and you start drowning yourself in knowledge you can start thinking a little more logically again and little by little you'll be able to function slightly better but do not expect to ever get over this fully, you will get over them but in my experience this does traumatised us for life and trying to accept that these people exist and process it is so hard nearly impossible and the missing who you thought they were, the pain doesnt go away for a long time but just take care of you and please dont do anything that cant be reversed, trust me I was their..if I hadnt of found this channel and got the knowledge I dread to think where I would be now, 6 feet under probably ! Just remember they truly are sick and twisted, they do have a disorder and they are spiritually sick, whenever you start questioning yourself please do remember that because I questioned myself a hell of alot even though I knew the truth, I knew once I got the knowledge there was no doubt whatsoever that I had been with a narc, do not question yourself once you know because this will set you back, knowing that they are sick is what will get you through this, even when others dont understand and most dont...(its awful I know), you must remind yourself that YOU know, you know what they are regardless, it's so easy even once you know for definate to keep questioning what if i just wasnt good enough, what if I had just done this or that, I even started questioning if I was ugly or if I didnt take care of myself enough (I didnt tbh not after 3 years of devaluation, didnt know what it was then) but you and me all of us need to drill it into us that it was not us, they have a serious serious problem and they will devalue everybody, they view themselves in a completely distorted light aswell, it is not you. I hope this helps somebody Xx

Your channel is awesome and the buddy system is a good idea. You should consider making a formal website for your business!

Love your channel. A buddy is a great idea. Therapists can be cost prohibitive especially when your faced with a divorce or being abandoned be the person who controls the finances. You also often lose your extended family due to a smear campaign or the fact that they taught the narc everything they know. Still, Eventually, it will be harder to interact with them than not. Odd sign of healing. After decades of marriage, it takes time to stop ruminating.be patient with yourself. Many days I only see one set of footprints in the sand. Gods carries me when I just don’t have the strength.

This is spot on!!! This will make you stronger! You'll be able to see through these fools forever.

Thank you. I needed this right now ❤ I was feeling so deeply hurt in my heart, I was remembering how he tried to manipulate me to take my life, now I'm out I can't believe I fall for all this, I understand abusers come in all shapes and sizes. I am Catholic, and my ex-husband is from a Muslim background. He lied to me from the very beginning, when he moved me to his family home, when we were supposed to buy our own home. The abuse from his WHOLE family, I'm mixed race, with green sometimes blue eyes, yet his family was so racist to me 🤮 for my Zimbabwean and Britishness. If only I had long enough to tell all of it. I wish him and his family would forget about me, but every now and again, he just keeps coming back. i believe it's when i start striving, then he sends his mum. I can't believe how strong I am! I am so shocked jesus saved my life! I am so shocked I see into my ex husbands soul. it's in his eyes. He admitted in court that he saw me as vulnerable and weak. He trapped me through my empathy and my love of christ (compassion). i was/ do my best not to judge people. The truth of him came out slowly when he moved me into his family home, I have been through so much, I believe it forced my awakening, way before i was ready, now I'm awake wounding what next. I think different, I have washed him out, but he won't let me go, 3 day's ago his dad pretended to run me over, it was caught on my neighbours camera's, that shocked him, apparently he was ONLY JOKING. I looked round at him. He did it when I was putting my bins out, and his face looked weird. I told him, "I'm not afraid of you. ".. "Do as you wish," then I told him, "I forgive you." But this is my life. These people will not let you go easy. THE FACT he and mainly his father can NOT control me anymore. Be strong. I do have a plan to move far away. He does it so subtly to me now, but letting me know, it's never over. He did tell me that after I managed to get him out, he would make sure he would destroy me. But I'm not afraid anymore, I believe it's to keep me connected to him from a distance, I'm going to be happy.

Thank you, Paula, for helping us with all these videos! I'm watching them all! I am on such a mission to get myself back, it's the fight of my life and I am slowly winning. I won't let him steal my future away from me and make me afraid to love again. I WILL love again, someday, when I am ready and able to take that risk again. Only next time, I'll be much smarter and unafraid to walk away from a person who can't see my inner value. I'm terrific! Lol

Paula, I can only imagine the impact this video would have meant to me as I was desperately holding the line...survival state only. The grieving process isn't a straight line. The journey back to love. To hope. To imagination once again. For me, the spiritual journey that I sought.. before all the rollercoaster discards.. is still a deep desire....and that is a reason to believe in our ability to grow...and gasp, thrive. To feel the holy ghost within and my north star. 🙏🙏🙏🌿🕊🔥❤✝️🦋

I gave him 23 years of my life. He brutally discarded me. Took my daughter and found a new supply quickly. Carried on like I never existed. Have been no contact for over 3 months. I've gone through every stage you have described..I've decided to carry on, look ahead and put myself first. When you are in a different place you really do start to connect the dots and see things with clarity. Thank you for your channel. 🌻❤️

U nailed this take everything you said is what I experienced during my discard. You are so right they manipulate us into believing that they really want us to get us addicted to them when all the time they don't give a damn about us at all!!

You will recovery , you will become stronger ! How I got to a place of not caring was / is - I refuse to loose my home , I refuse to loose myself and then loose my son that needed me so much, I refuse to have a hunger child , I refuse to loose weight , I refuse to go back to that shit , I cried , got professional counselling , spiritual counselor , prayed and here I am 2years and 8 months Financially OK, mentally ok , medically on , emotionally ok and Credit score ok ! I won’t date or need a man now ! My Focus is on ownership of a home ! I don’t want to be obligated to anyone outside of myself / children / job / home. I don’t need anyone in my space doing me

THIS IS SPOT ON!!! Brilliantly explained . Thank you Paula. . I can hear this a thousand times and still not rap my mind around what happens to us. Unbelievable. 2 years narc FREEEEEEEE

Paula, thanks for a great message. I am still learning each day each time I watch you. It is my opinion the Narc will wait till they think you have recovered, and then they will contact you again. Everyone stay safe!

It wont happen to me again lesson learned

Stay strong everyone the angels are with us all...💜💜💜💜🙏🙏🙏😘

My narc hoovered me last year - it went well for 5 months and then suddenly I didn’t call her when ‘she’ wanted me to - a slippery slope after of devaluation and discard, no justification of accusations and devaluation - i tried my hardest to leave the relationship kindly but with more emotional abuse and no accountability in the end I had enough and told her I was blocking her across the board. I saw and knew she was manipulating me emotionally - it’s tough to move forward but I know I’m my heart now that life would be dreadful if I’d fought for her as she wanted - it wasn’t a two way street it was all about her and so much drama - I must stay on this road come what may, I gave too much, I need my true self back and I will. Good luck survivors - took me 4 years to realise what was going on and break the chains x

Im happy to be a buddy to someone in New Zealand, well recovered with Narc ex H ,just working through no contact with my Narc mother now .Im a woman .

Very brutal for 37 years i thought he is a real person but hes a decoy .is seems caring but theres an evil intentions .I thought he was a husband and a protector but i realized theres a snake in our room ,my ex narc is the snake .and I'm sleeping with the enemy. VERY SCARY LIKE IN THE HOUSE OF DRACULA.IM LUCY .

Paula thank you!!! You’ve clearly put words on all the things I went through after the discard.During the grieving stage the pain was so horrible. The sense of loss was huge. I couldn’t understand why I felt this way while the person was still alive, but I’ve realised that I mourned someone that was never the person I thought they were. There’s up and down but I moving forward better and lighter! 🥰

Thank you - you are helping me a lot.

I have gone through so much healing listened Ng to your videos

If anyone needs a buddy ..I'm here!

the discard is always there .... the realization that Betrayl is their favorite game si teh sock for us all you are not alone

At first it is brutal. We do survive and eventually would never, ever want to be with or see them ever again. We learn what a horrible person they were. What helped me was to acknowledge to myself that I played a role in it and allowed it to go on a long as it did. You come out stronger and happier than you ever were before. We have to learn to really love ourselves in a way we had never done before.

I was discarded after 14 years in a relationship with my boyfriend. It was the most horrible experience. It's been 9 months of no contact. I'm taking care of myself now. ❤

Great video,could you do one on how they hypnotise people with deceit and lies,basically making you a doormat or a button on their remote control, control being their ultimate goal.

I am heal it was emotionally hard I discard him - find something to pass your time , accept this person is never going to love anyone including you they are never going to be faithful to anyone because they use everyone ! One day at a time - pray cry pray cry you will get there I celebrated my 2 years free yesterday ! I started a RU-vid channel supporting parents of children with autism- I had always wanted to do this just never had the peace of mind but now I am living out my dreams and one day hopefully a motivational speaker ! Love yourself- be kind to yourself ! I don’t want anyone romantic in my life at this time - this time belongs to me loving me. !