"Rumination is a trauma response" Yes! Ur advice as to how to become unstuck from this anxious state is very powerful, and valuable, as it's not something that can be managed intuitively. I find that some hidden trauma can lie dormant for years then crop up when I least expect it. Many thanks for these healing words, Danish!
I used to feel so bad about ruminating. I used to think it meant I was dysfunctional or lacking in backbone and spirit. It took me a very long time to realise that it is a natural reaction to narc abuse. I only realised this once I started following channels like yours.
Rumination has been debilitating me for years! I feel like I froze in time! Finally, some sense is kicked into me, I am trying to pick up pieces and moving forward! I pray and wish for everyone who is in pain and suffering to heal and become fully functioning individuals and be happy and at peace! Thank you, Danish!
It truly does debilitate you. I’m going through it now. I have good and bad days. What helps me is…whenever I catch myself stuck in thoughts, I say to myself JUST STOP….. and I make myself recall all of the horrible things that he did to me, physical and emotional abuse. It’s not easy but it helps. I’m hopeful things will get better. Do not give up, you are stronger than you know. What you are capable of today is not what you will be capable in the future. Be gentle and kind to yourself. No matter what, people who enter into a relationship with the best and most loving intentions do not deserve to be devalued and emotionally toyed with. 🦋💛💪🏼💯
I was stuck with the narcissist for 43 years faced with trauma over and over and over again. Since then, 8 years of freedom now. Do I still ruminate? Unfortunately, yes. But with 43 years of it, I know it is going to take a while to get through. I think it is getting better, though. I'm also learning not to waste my time talking about it with people who do not understand narcissistic abuse. And talking with THEM about it IS a waste of my time and effort. They won't understand it, and never will. Eventually, they won't care either. I also have learned to avoid ANYBODY that is HIGH CONFLICT because not only will they not care, but they will INTENTIONALLY go OUT OF THEIR WAY to make it worse for you, gaslight you, blame you, and do everything possible to cause MORE conflict and drama for THEIR amusement.
So many triggers I find. I am still wondering who the heck I would have been had I not met mine. Sometimes I feel like I am mourning the loss of who I was and could have been. Narcissist is an overly used word these days. You are right about no one getting it so we suffer in silence much of the time. We all deserve validation so thank you for commenting.
Absolutely right, talking to someone who can't understand narc abuse is a waste of time. The problem is too many therapists, psychiatrists and doctors can't understand it and they are trying to treat you & only make it worse because they assume you have something they know & treat you for that.
I am so happy to hear that I am not alone in the battle of narcissistic abuse, I’ve had it all my life, from my father, brother and husband I thought I was crazy with all the thoughts, THANK YOU!
Yes,yes I am here even after no contact for 12 months,I go over and over the same stuff to try and make sense of it,still get triggered by simple every day stuff, its on my mind and I cant get it out. Thank you Danish for these tips to try and lessen the impact of these thoughts.
It’s been since September since I’ve been out of the house. I’m in a safe stable environment, YET, there are days when I actually feel as if I’ve taken three steps back and only one forward. I suppose it’s because once I was able to have some peace and not walk on eggshells every waking moment, I’d actually began to realize just what I’d been through. The physical and psychological abuse, I lost my home of nearly ten years and my job. It’s as if the real battle begins once you physically get away. While you cohabitate with these (people)….. you do not have a second to think about anything else except survival. It’s exhausting and takes a true toll on your health. Mind over matter……easier said than done, but in the end it’s worth it……. I feel as if I’m in the fight of my life. I wish you peace, courage and healing. 🦋💪🏼💯
@@jbrown2908 THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT!!!! 💛. I’ve been through tough times in my life, but this has me on so many levels and aspects, from psychological to physical. I keep telling myself……I’m struggling, but I will not give up. It’s people like you who are angels with just kind words that keeps me having faith in humanity. 🦋
@@jbrown2908 thank you 🙏. It’s validation for me to begin to realize just what the heck happened to me. I’ve been through tuff times and come from a dysfunctional family, but this narcissistic relationship has broken me….. between the physical abuse and psychological abuse, the trauma bond, the CPTSD…… it’s agony. I’m not able to go completely no contact as 90% of my possessions are still in his house…… he likes to text when he’s drunk and high. Last night for no reason I received a text from him saying “how happy he felt when he kissed his dog, because all of the evil is out of his life”. After 3black eyes, 2 concussions, a bruised kidney and deep bruised tailbone from being kicked as I was walking away and each episode I was told I deserved it because of what I said to him……he said I had made him do something he’d never forgive himself for. I never reported the abuse, which I’m regretting now. But wow, I’m the evil. Baffling to me. I ask God for strength every day, for me and the other victims who are struggling to get peace back in their lives. Thank you again 🙏💯
Me too. Other people who havent been in these relationships dont understand. He derailed my whole life. All our friends took his side. The injustice is killing me. It was so hard leaving him, but its so hard going forward too. Sorry for the rant
Thank you. I had a narcissistic mother. I ruminated over things she said for 30 years since I had left home. What a horrible, nightmarish experience! I really felt crazy.
So true, just left a 4 year narcissistic relationship and now only 7 weeks later i am still wondering what did i do there, i am not alright yet but working on it, but honestly i am surprised how broken i am , just taking it day by day and not ponder too much❤
This is why I don’t like talking about my divorce. Once someone asks me and I start talking about it, then it takes days for me to get the flashbacks out of my head. Aside from that the ruminating is me trying to understand WHY he did the things he did and ruminating has actually helped me figure that out, which also helps me know what to watch out for in future relationships. Also talking to other people and hearing their feedback on what it sounds like happened also opens my eyes a lot to things I didn’t realize but that they pick up on when I tell them specifics of what I went through.
Yes, don't want to explain your life to everyone, even new dates. It's like forced therapy where u have to relive the experiences over and over. No thanks. If a person doesn't know what narcissism is I rather give it a pass. Educating others is tiresome and I learnt very fast not to give specific details.. because some will scorn you .. with your fault .. without know about your private life. This i gather they do.. because they reflect on their own life circumstances.. which maybe nothing perhaps like your history at all. It just makes u judged. So avoid it unless you on very safe grounded company. Heres an example.. I said to a male acquaintance .. my husband was a closet porn addict. (Asides my then years ago.. not knowing that he was also a covert narc) The response was .. 'well you gave him the reason to do that'. People are careless and that was my first lesson of what not to share and with whom. Wish you all protection and blessings. 🙏
I think and overthink the same situation, regret thinking i should have responded in a different way. Blame myself. Burst out in tears. Etc. This is Extreme! Thanks a lot to God for letting me know of this channel!!
Even after learning the mind of the narc and why they're so demonic, I still ruminate, but it doesn't feel negative, feels like my brain is healing from the trauma and just processing what happened.
I used to ruminate quite a bit. In the past, after leaving narc abuser husband, I ruminated about the FEW good things and feelings I had. But that kept the trauma bond going and I couldn't break free. Someone suggested that I ruminate about the terrible/horrible things he did and how I felt. It worked! It took time, but it helped me slowly break completely free. Now I ruminate very little, but my ruminating thoughts go straight to the bad things he used to do to me. In due time, I will stop ruminating about my narcissistic marriage altogether. I am getting stronger and stronger about NO CONTACT.
Danish, I literally cried tears of relief listening to this video. I needed this today. I can't thank you enough. You are a blessing. A million thanks from New York City ❤️
CLANDESTINGIRL--Me too. Tears flowed out again; but less then the last 2 years since leaving narcissist husband, that I loved so very much. Just writing "loved so very much" brings on tears.. Hugs, peace and healing to you from Riverdale area, NYC.
I can remember feeling like my inner self had been shattered into a million jigsaw pieces and my thoughts were flying everywhere. Even after I worked out what was happening to me- it took time for me to mentally fix myself. Even a year later - even with other people now knowing who this person is- I still find myself constantly reminiscing about this person - thinking about what/why they behave(d) the way they do. I don't think it's about that person but how I can avoid... But there are times I wonder if I can help this person - I think that's the toughest part - learning to accept there's nothing I can do - and to adapt and accept that.
I feel you entirely, dear. I'm 6 months out of the relationship and your description of the mental state fits entirely with my personal experience. Sending good thoughts your way 🙏
confirming the whole process , my experience completely explained step by step. Very professionell advise. I wished I had more support from my therapist for 2 years ago after my discard after 16 years . She thought just move on. I need also a time of grieve , a time of healing my post trauma disorder, the last process was my body. I carried it in me with me, and my body told me too that is was psychosomatic. After cranio sacral work balance therapy , it solved slowly . It took 2 years , You tube videos helped me , therapist are still not well informed in Europe about narcissistic abuse. In you tube there are a few Chanels like yours where you find some answers what happens and what is happening afterwards. Thank you so much . Great short compact serious videos.
27 years of this bullshit being treated like an object, five months after being discarded, thinking, I was the knight in armor, trying to fix her trying to take care of her. I think the hardest part was realizing that there was nothing that I could do but to try to heal myself from all the abuse.
I ended up feeling like I'm the worst person in this world, unable to cope with the aftermath. It takes a lot of effort to detox the experience. Thanks to nice people like you, I was able to process the experience and move forward. Cute cat you have there!
Yes- this is me at the moment - all true words - thank you. Some one said to me today, let go he’s toxic. Ah ok!! Right, if it was that easy. I dance every wed eve. It helps a lot
I am new to learnig what I've been dealing with. Now after 23 years of it and feeling totally hopless, I am feeling hopful on finding Peace and getting out on my own away from him. Thank you for being here. And I wish everyone out here freedom from this horrible situation.
I just got out of a narc relationship a couple days ago and getting settled in at my new place. I had a convo online with a girl last night after having dinner at my ex’s with the kids one last time. This girl said to me in a message “so you just had dinner at your ex’s?” I never even said that to her but based off what I had said previously she just knew and put 2 and 2 together. I went white as a ghost and had pain in my stomach suddenly thinking that this person was either someone who knew my ex or it was my ex in disguise.. the feeling of being tracked and controlled again took over my body in a second and I almost had a panic attack thinking “I thought I covered all my tracks how in the world is she pulling this off?” Now I feel like I need to keep to myself for a long time and really heal.
When I advertised the motorbike for sale my ex must have got onto someone else's phone to contact me posing as someone else. Sent me an older photo of the same bike in front of my house .. n told me if this is the bike it's a piece of junk etc. I told him if he took that photo he was trespassing on my property without my permission. He disappeared without a word. I calmed down and was in hindsight I came to realise it was my ex-husband or someone he put up to contact me from the advert. He's not very clever I realised.. he had to have taken that the photo himself years ago, as I had painted the wall beyond it a different colour since then. So no you are not paranoid.. they do.. do real shitty things.
nailed it! Now I know why I was constantly at the gym doing spinning cycle classes when this narc took over our life for 6 years. Thank you for something I can actually do to make me feel better. God bless you sir. I pray you know this Jesus Christ who got me out of this madness. kindest regards
Danish you re the best!! Breaking down these dreadful elements of narc abuse to provide us with logic and strategies to combat all the effects. 22 years worth of ruminations qas worse after i left him. Friends grow tired of hearing it. Ironically i felt like the narc always focusing on controllung outcomes. I learnt it was a safety mechanism to try to fix or prepare for and to avoid flare-ups with him. When the best thing to do for yourself is to leave these energy vampires. God bless you 🙏 ❤️ I'm doing v well nearly 5 years later. Just Wish now I had courage to go earlier.
I'm so stuck right now. I finally understand the narcissist and her motives, but she is my sister. My mother is unwell and in a care home (in later stages of dementia) and I appear to be the only person who cares enough to visit for more than half an hour per week. As such, I became both the "martyr" and the person everyone seeks for information. I then become "overruled" when I try to make changes to mum's care. The latest contact was that I am mentally ill, playing the victim and letting everyone who loves me down, by not seeking therapy. Honestly, I know EXACTLY what she is doing, and how she will be planting seeds in the rest of the family, which they will grow and nurture, and I'm left feeling angry and undermined. I also know if I try to prove I am not mentally ill, I will just look more mentally ill. Unfortunately, I feel that I will have no escape until my mother is gone, and what a terrible realisation and feeling that is. How do they (narcissists) live with themselves? I seriously don't understand that. I will be taking your advice though. Movement, I think it is going to help, it sounds like it should! thank you x
I still have PTSD nearly 8 years after leaving. I'm still on medication and in therapy. EMDR was only somewhat helpful. The ruminating is THE WORST. My head has burned (yes like on a slow fire 🔥) since that day I left in August 2015.
Thank you for this content. I have been ruminating so much and couldn't understand why. You have made it so clear as to what is happening. I have started journaling. I want to try the trauma yoga & dance. The next time I am ruminating I will focus on my body. I want to evict the narc out of my mind/brain I need that space for new things in my life.
😵💫 yup i m der.. now.. if someone listens.. i can go on n on n on.. not because they can solve.. i just want them to say . U R NOT CRAZY...it's like a trap especially if a kid is involved
No one understands about the Trauma we go through People who will consider Reading about Narcissistic Behavior Then they will understand what Narcs abuse Accupuncture helps
Hey there lovely. One thing I've also found helpful is to think whenever I ruminate 'that's rumination'. Sounds really basic but it is actually very helpful
Thank you so much Danish. I put on my running shoes directly after your video and just returned from an half an hour run. I feel so much better now! Further I am reading ‘the body keeps the score’. What a coincidence…🙏
This is so helpful! I havent exercised in a week because this narcissist has created all kinds of extra work but too bad so sad. I gotta get back to myself 💖
This is exactly what I need to stop the cycle of rumination- I know I get nowhere trying to make sense of the treatment received by my ex.You describe my thoughts, feelings and experiences spot on. Thank you, this is validating to know my reaction is not because I am broken, but because Im sane to want resolution. Thank you for the guidance for how to let go and make peace with the past.
It’s been almost 2 weeks for me I’ve been discarded by my ex He did not even have the courage to end the relationship face to face in person Instead I had to read between the lines via his text I asked him if it’s over and he ignored my question So I took his silence treatment that is over and given myself the closure Only cowards hide and can’t have the decency
Thank you so much for doing these amazing, informative videos. I am watching more now. I have gone no contact with my son's father. the drama that was created in the few days leading up to my birthday, then a few days after that, he verbally attacked me, the whole gaslighting, blame game was full blown on what was my late mum's birthday. My son is 18 in a few months, I was waiting until then to go NC, we'd been co-parenting, but I just couldn't anything, any more with him, could not even cope with the thought of hearing his voice again. He escalated his attack on me so badly on my mum's birthday, knowing how much I miss her, but... he needed to put the boot in. So, I blocked him on social media too. Now, to deal with the ruminating. Oh, I didn't know it was called that, I just noticed that the moment I would wake up my mind would start to replay so many bad experiences with him. First thoughts straight onto that stress. Replaying things form the past. My poor mind, it's been so badly traumatised by near 2 decades of dealing with him. I will heal. One day at a time huh! ... and I have been formally diagnosed with CPTSD from it all, as has our son :(
I was going crazy with rumination, the conversations in my mind, my kids would catch me talking to myself …it affected my sleep, detoured me from healthy relationships - and not romantic, normal relationships, because l was always going over the traumatic events. Rumination combined with smear campaign is crazy. I decided to give my story my voice on my RU-vid channel. Not a road for everyone, of course you will look crazy, vengeful and some will call it defamation oblivious of the years of defamation and gaslighting l have endured. My rumination stopped,this was the best gift l gave myself, it contributed a lot to my healing
Hi Danish. I commented almost a week ago but wanted to update you with some good news. I tried the focus inward on my feet, they were the untriggered part of me, and wow the speed at which the ruminating stopped was surprising. And you are right that previously when I’ve tried talking it out, it hasn’t worked. I told my therapist and he was interested as he was also in a future session going to talk me through “grounding” as part of a guided meditation. I feel so much more in control with your method. Thank you so much it has literally changed my life ❤
Thank you so much for your work. This really hit home with me. How could someone love me for 50 years and then just shut off? My husband is sick of hearing about it so I have learned to stuff it but it never goes away. The nightmares! I think it’s the cruelest thing you can do to a person because it leaves the victim with no closure.
I had this behaviour pattern.... The thought of their doing to me even when I am freed from them made me realise it's time to change ..I had to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts to transform me to the same me and my recovery became my priority
WOW! I really needed your video! Out of a narc relationship about 8 months. She was a friend from childhood - 65 years! I keep thinking: maybe it was just me, maybe it was my fault - the ruminating is awful. I love to dance so I will give that a try - THANK YOU for your timely advice!
@Jack T I am sorry to hear that, Jack...but you are doing the right thing. My boiling point has been raising over about the last 10 years. Last summer, I had enough and when this person pushed the button, I lost it, told her off and walked out of her house. That was the end - no text, emails, phone calls. If you can stay strong and resist the urge to answer in any way, you will make it!🙏🙏🙏☮️
@Jack T One more thing. Find Dr. Les Carter, who is also on RU-vid. He has some great advise and insight similar to Danish Bashir. God luck, God bless and hang in there!
Sometimes i start going back into the narcissistic relationship in my mind when i see certain things or i listening to a song that my ex really liked and i would literally break down and cry randomly, even when i am outside , yesterday that happened to me in the gym, i remembered something and tears started running down my face…. So random i know and i am normally a strong person ❤i guess the abuse went so much deeper than i can fathom consciously… thank you for the video, Danish, you have really opened my eyes on the subject of narcissistic abuse,even though i still get rattled up so easily by the smallest thing , i wonder if having been in a narcissistic relationship is almost like having been kidnapped, mind and body?!
I literally get stuck, unable to move as I’m walking through the house. Stuck, frozen, unable to move, ruminating, trying to figure out what in the heck happened. When I talk about it, I make no sense whatsoever.
I absolutely find your knowledge to be extremely helpful. Just wanted you to know that. I’ve been speaking with my physician who agrees with your philosophy on this topic. I’m grateful for your videos.
Constantly! It's so annoying, because I don't want to think of him at all! But I do all the time and I see so many moments in my minds eye. It feels like being haunted by a ghost.
I think rumination is a natural result of a relationship with a narc. I still do after many years I have learned however to be grateful. Grateful that this pathetic witch is no longer part of my daily life (I have even stopped attending grand children birthdays) I am Grateful God rescued me. He rescued my mental and physical ill health. He allowed me to rebuild financially and emotionally. He brought my kids back, my first family back, my old friends back and brought a new loving woman into my life. I still ruminate but have so much to be grateful for, and every day of happiness and good health is a gift.
When ruminating all the negative abuse you went through. Be happy that you no longer have to go though that on going abuse anymore. Be happy you begin being yourself again. Be happy you're free of a lifetime of them discarding you and abusing you all the time. Let them now try smearing you to try making you out as the problem. It's just a ploy to save face when you walk away for good. They never had a reason to smear you before ,because they weren't abused. You were!
Thank you so much for your content. I've learned a lot for your videos. Rumination sucks and you're right, I get up. I work out. Walk 5 miles a day and it does help get up and move your energy. It will help release it Thank you so much for your content ,You're Time ,your energy much love much appreciation Much respect blessings on your journey.
I feel so helpless 😭 sad everyday unfortunately I have to leave with this person because I can’t afford my own place ! Thanks for sharing all your knowledge god bless
I have avoided contact for a couple weeks since my trauma began, I am already ruminating just so I don't forget or minimize it, and I can't talk about it because people want me either to get violent against the abuser or put on a smile and praise the Lord for my salvation, trusting Him for deliverance someday. Then they go no contact with me, indicating that I have brought this on myself and must want it to continue if I don't take their advice. So I ruminate even more about how uncomfortable it is to be shunned by my support system, and that's what makes me feel ashamed and crazy. I really just want the abuse to stop, but I don't know how to get the abusers to leave my house.
It happened. I lost 2 friends because of this. Its as if I could not stop talking about my abusive ex. Those "friends" thought its better to leave me in my tough times 🫥 Now I am much better, healing started.
I wear a brown elastic band on my wrist . I twang it when ruminating. It instantly stops . You also realise how better you are getting on the amount of times the twang happens
I had bad dreams about my ex almost every night for a couple months, it was usually always the same dream but in different situations. There was only two good dreams out of them all, it was terrible.
It’s over a year post my narcissistic relationship. 9/11/2022 we Broke up and it won’t stop. I push it to the back of my mind but it always comes back. I don’t think it will ever stop. 😢 I know what he is and have become so aware of what all this is, but it still keeps going back to rumination, feeling like it will never go away. I try dating other ppl but it’s like I don’t put as much effort, and care for any other, because I know no one can come close to my ex narc and how he made me feel when the love bombing phase and thereafter even with the bad.
I had narc parents, psychopath stepfather, narc stepmother, and than psychopath boyfriend. I'm 39 now, and I Don't have a clue how I survived all this shit, but I'm more than traumatized for 3 lifetimes... I have many times ruminations, I can't controll it, I have trouble with sleeping, I have psychosomatic issues - gynaecological (stemming from narc mom, whom I rejected as a teen, and so with it femininity - the biggest trauma for a female body is to be the daughter of a narc mother, I have gone through everything, denying femininity, than abusing femininity it was toxic all the way, and than toxic boyfriend...). And thanks for your insight, and thanks, that you share we can't stop that through talking... You are so understanding, but where could I find a true specialist??? I have no clue...
Dude I’m almost moved to tears, I’m in crisis rn and have been stuck with this broken record experience for 8 months. Recently discarded. A few more moths back and it’s only gotten more confusing.
I want to die life is hell The biggest difference between PTSD and CPTSD is that in PTSD the triggers are specific to the trauma. In CPTSD, the triggers are present in everyday life. Every person constitutes a potential threat, every incident carries potential trigger factors. There's no way out. It's like being trapped in hell. At any moment: a bomb could/will go off...
I thought I'm having obsessive thinking or ROCD that's why I'm thinking. Never know before it is the part of that abuse of two years. I'm already having some psychological problems. This rumination in me is so consistent, persistent, any moment I sit silent it just comes in the form of a storm and grabs me. It is so overwhelming and makes my head spin, Nobody, believes such things can happen with someone like they don't believe I don't have control on it. It is making me live in bed laying for 17 hours . I face lots of criticism from family as they see the narcissistic relationship is something against the moral values so they already have harsh treatment with me.This rumination and anxious feelings is so tortured that it paralyses my daily life. As, I'm stuck in that time and being anchored or living a life in two parallel dimensions . Maybe, my already existing manic depression is making it worse.
Excellent video Danish. The rumination is difficult to stop. Trying to make sense of all the narc torture but never really understanding the narc. Normal people can't make sense of how these creatures lie and scheme and manipulate. Stay away God bless
