I Was Diagnosed With ADHD // EP 2 - Pretty Lonesome 

I literally cried watching this video because this is exactly how I felt through sixth form. So incredibly powerless and pathetic and no one really understood how I felt, friends, teachers, parents just thought I was lazy. I remember so many nights I literally wouldn't sleep at all because I cared so much and I was so desperate to finish the overwhelming amount of overdue work but would just watch youtube videos trying to build up the courage to just start and to just do something even though I literally failed every single time. I have an appointment on the 21st of October to get diagnosed, so we'll see if things get better.

I was also recently diagnosed too and this podcast is the most relatable thing ever

“Sometimes you can’t let yourself fall into the abyss” I feel this so much because sometimes when you’re mentally broken down into pieces and want to be alone crying in your bedroom, it’s actually when you need people around you the most even if you don’t think you do.

I have ADHD too and was diagnosed a few years ago, and since I discovered you Madeline, you are my comfort when I'm in those moment of freezing. Like you (for some reason) made me feel better when I was in my bed rotting, procrastinating, freeze phase which riddles me with guilt. Like, I put you on, and I forget that what I'm doing is an issue. This makes sense now. Thank u for existing x

I was so scared to listen bc I hate when people are neurodivergent like me but I'm struggling and they can manage it (and not to sound backhanded) , but this is actually so relatable. And the things where you stop yourself from showing symptoms is masking and it's so real

I hope this podcast will be so successful that she wouldn't stop doing it till she's like in her 90s or something I will definitely watch every single episode

This is exactly how I felt at first when I was diagnosed with ADHD at 16, I’m 19 now. I thought all my symptoms and things I did were just me. And a lot of signs of adhd I didn’t do because I was actively fighting it to try and seem normal :/ gaslighting myself

this is the most fucking relatable thing i've ever seen in my life. I swear i could listen to you talk about this for hours on end

I have the same type of adhd… this podcast was so comforting, because I feel less alone now and we are basically at the same step of figuring out how to deal with it Pls share your journey 🙏🏼💕

I literally just got diagnosed with the same type of ADHD as you and you don't know how much this means to me this is so extremely relatable. i absolutely loved this episode

You are my cozy safe space, this is so inspiring to get medically tested love you xo

I recently got diagnosed too and now this episode explains why you’re my favorite social media person and why I find your story-telling so soothing for my brain.

Fellow Adhd girlie… got diagnosed late too at age 21 after feeling so useless (esp in academic and work situations) for years!! The breaking point was flunking out of a class for the first time in uni and knowing I would have to spend thousands of dollars of my parents money to retake it. Feeling so guilty not being able to do tasks at work and letting ur team down is so relatable. Started therapy after the diagnosis and after a couple years learned my best combo is low dosage of vyvanse on extremely busy days and weekly therapy work best for me :) So excited for ur journey and thankful for ur transparency bringing this community together ❤

i'm a 22 year old man and i haven't been diagnosed yet, as i never really thought i could have adhd as i'm not the hyperactive type i always thought adhd was. but i can relate to literally almost everything said in this video. its quite mad listening to this and knowing exactly what you mean. i've also suffered from social anxiety most of my life but its slowly getting better with medication and as i age. (also, when you said you paid £800 for a zoom consultation my jaw dropped. i live in Finland and healthcare is pretty much free here so its mind blowing to me how expensive it is in other countries.)

Its so nice to find someone who i relate to on so many levels! I feel like i might have ADHD & i should probably get tested but i have the same fear you had…what if i dont actually have it. Loved this podcast x

You are killing it Madeline!!! Im glad you started this podcast you're so real and genuine!!

Really appreciate you being open about this, think you will be a great person to introduce others to this topic :)

this podcast is my safe place! everything you say is so relatable you literally speak from my soul

I was waiting for a neurodivergence diagnosis from you ;) us ASD/ADHDers can spot it a mile a way

I have ADHD and autism and you are literally the only influencer I have ever felt similar to and there are soooo many overlaps

love the cozy vibe

I feel like this is your most personal video yet or maybe it's just because I've also been diagnosed a year ago. I also want to believe that I can live a consistent life when things are going well. I started running almost every day and that has helped me gain confidence to be consistent in other parts of my life.

Thank you for speaking about your experience because I have the same concerns as you did. Feels like ADHD can be overlooked in females so your stories feels super validating! I’m on a waiting list to be tested and just want some closure after 22 years of feeling so different and disconnected

pause mode is more commonly known as adhd paralysis, (ADHD paralysis, also known as executive dysfunction or task paralysis, refers to the inability to initiate, complete, or sustain tasks due to overwhelming feelings of anxiety, stress, or mental fatigue) hope that helps x

hey, madeline:) i have got bipolar disorder and it was really hard when i was undiagnosed, but once i started taking my meds, my life almost instantly got better. it kind of became my superpower to an extent. mental illness is not something to be ashamed of, its just your brain being wired differently. i can’t wait for your new content and i wish you all the best

Three minutes deep, and I can already tell that this channel will be one of my best discoveries. Subbed.

Ugh ily soooo much. Your so effortlessly beautiful and genuine. DONT STOP BEING U GIRL X

I feel that so much the “I’m a multi faceted person” when answering the questions

Your experience with the questionnaire is so relatable! Thank you for talking about this.

My pleasure to listen ❤ . It's somehow educating me and it feels like i'm indulging myself more into your warmly spoken podcasts than ever before.

this podcast is just everything

I really just enjoy listening to you talk. It’s relaxing!! Seeing you post really makes day even better ✨

I am the exact same and I was due to family ties diagnosed very early on, but I have never actually taken the time to understand what it did to me, it was just always there and a part of me, and I blamed myself for being how I was. This video truly was very validating. And very needed! Thank you for speaking on it

i am so happy about this episode because i got diagnosed 3 weeks ago and i did feel kind of alone with everything but to see i‘m not the only one struggling with certain things is kinda a relief?

Wow, this is so relatable to me. I got diagnosed a few years ago. I struggle so much with what I call ‘the hole’ (you call rotting or pause mode). I’ve tried stimulant medication but it made me very sad during the daily comedowns/withdrawals even if it helped motivate me for the first hours.

Never be busy again plsssss i neeeeeed your podcast weekly bishhhhh

i have adhd and had a very similar experience being diagnosed. thank you for this. this really helped me feel less alone❤❤

i am not diagnosed but i dont think i have ever felt so seen, especially the part about 'pause mode' holy shit

from a young girl on the waiting list thank you Madeline

This was very enlightening and I related a lot to this episode. I also struggle with "rotting" and having to pick myself up from the floor and I applaud you for finding healthy coping mechanisms. I also now believe I should be tested for ADHD as well HAHAHAHA

10:25 Stimulants are prescribed for all types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive, combined, so, if your doctor said that, they're wrong. For hyperactive ADHDers, who appear to have a lot of energy externally, stimulants work the same way as in other types: they stimulate the brain that is understimulated due to not being able to use its dopamine effectively. Without medication, that brain will try to gather the dopamine it needs from the outside world, causing outside hyperactivity; this is why hyperactive ADHDers also get stimulants prescribed.

adhd overachiever here, realised i had adhd in third year when despite getting firsts when i did submit, i started to find it impossible to attend class or write even a sentence. suspended, got diagnosed with combined type ADHD and two years later on, finally ready to write essays again..

I KNEW IT CAUSE YOU KEPT JUMPING BETWEEN TOPICS

And just to say…wonderful insights here! What a wonderful vlog you’ve published today!

As someone who got diagnosed this year I cannot wait to watch this

i recently have gotten diagnosed with it and everything just started making sense. i thought i was just slow and lazy but my lack of motivation started making sense alongside my procrastination.

The not wanting know period is painfully relatable

Having adhd I have a similar relationship with my mom, honestly I feel like she is my best friend And my only friend 😅

I was diagnosed with ADHD 5 years ago (age 14). I didn't really understand my diagnosis at the time (except for thinking of the sterotypical ADHD kid who just couldn't sit still). So my teacher convinced me to tell my class as an "excuse" for why I would act certain ways. It really fucked me up that she used my diagnosis as an excuse for my behavior. It was such a weird thing for her to say and I ended up feeling like an alien in a way (sounds weird). But I got really upset thinking I was "an annoying kid". Until I realized I've always been like that. The letters don't define who I am. They're just letters to help understand myself better. Also, growing up in middle school I was sent outside the door Idk 4-5 times from 1st-4th grade. I was always told my homework wasn't done properly and my teacher told me to "stop acting like madonna" (because I was being loud). At that time noone even had the thought to get me diagnosed. When I then started 5th grade at a different school I got this "filter" you also mentioned in your video. I was not myself. I acted in a way that wasn't me. I didn't like myself. But because of social standards I had to be this way to be accepted. It messed me up really bad. I was then "the quiet kid". I get really upset thinking about it because I pretended to be someone I wasn't. Now I've realized this. I'm trying to find my true self again. The "Madonna". I love being different from everyone else. I had confidence being different. But because of all the trouble I got in I decided I had to be someone else. I'm learning to find me again. I hope if you're a girl out there who experienced something similar. Please don't change to be someone you're not. Social standards are only there because we choose to accept them. Let's make new social standards of being ourselves.

I have inattentive adhd and I used to feel so rude when I’d interrupt people but sometimes I physically can’t stop myself otherwise I will forget it but recently I’ve got used to stopping myself from interrupting💀 But it’s literally so hard😭 Also I got diagnosed at 18 cos I struggled so much through sixthform as there’s not a structured day but I’m on medication now and it’s helped so much!

I am 20 and was diagnosed at the start of this year. Your videos have helped me so much. We seem to have gone through an unbelievable amount of similar experiences and have very similar responses it actually blows my mind. I know for me it completely changed my life to be diagnosed and on medication. Finally understanding why I just couldn't function like other kids and people and why I struggled with anxiety and depression and hearing people talk despite my ears working fine (APD) and so many other things. I used to just think I was a bad person and it was all my fault. I also struggle with general anxiety, depression, OCD and PTSD as well as physical chronic illness (quite the cocktail I know) so things are still hard but meds have truly made a big difference. I am on 50mg Vyvanse and it helps me so much with motivation and actually being able to just get up and power through things. The only side effect I have is low appetite. I already struggled a bit with OCD related thing with food so it is hard. I need to force myself to eat often but its still so worth it!

I had the exact same doubt that I wouldn't get diagnosed because I answered no to that question about interrupting people, as I am a woman and have a very high level of self-awarnesss but the urge to interrupt is always there and so I don't. But I got diagnosed with ADHD literally last week. It's so unfair the test is obviously designed inherently for males.

Am a very filtered/socially attentive man and I had the same thought with the diagnosis! Def agree on gender bias obvs. For me the childhood questionnaire from my parents came out low for the same reason. This stuff is all massively internal for me

you should look into the DIVA questionnaire, there is an online one you can take. It's so much better when it comes to getting our perspective as a woman and not the classical boy with ADHD thing

Rewatching your whole podcast series now, while making homemade ice cream. Having a blast. Going to be 20% funnier by the end of it, I can feel it. I feel like your BFF RN. 🤝

Wishing you a speedy recovery

I’m having to get tested for a second time because the first man who tested me had the dumbest questions and it was so much pressure! I was saying no to questions I could have said yes to, and it’s frustrating how the questions are framed so negatively they literally are like “are you the most annoying person in the room and does nobody like you?” Like yeah! No! Yeah! No!

Knowing is a good thing, so is knowing at your age. There is medication that really helps.

thank you so much for this

Can we have Mommy in the podcast please. She sounds so fab!

I watched your first episode before this, and the entire time was thinking this girl for sure has Autism/ADHD traits. And then see this episode title!! 😂 ‘being perceived’ was a big theme I picked up on in your first episode. You should definitely do some further research into the ‘tism side of ASD. I hope you can find the correct medication for you soon, it’s life changing ❤

you are so cuuuute I love listening to you❤ I'm glad I found you

girl do a house tour when u get the apartment and decorate it!!!! lysm xxxxx

girl... you're making me question whether i should get assessed or not...

I also got diagnosed recently…I need friends that have adhd, I feel so lost

I am waiting for my adhd diagnosis makes me feel so seen thank you

Have a read about executive dysfunction. It sounds like this is what your "pause modes" are. Very common in people with ADHD

I love the cozy vibe

Me rotting rn. Would love to get tested, I've always had a feeling I have ADHD

11:52 this is such bonding moment

It’s always a “so I have this friend”

We been knew 💁🏽‍♀️

Now it makes sense why I relate to you so much

I love her she’s so relatable

I called it the first time I heard that story time about your toes and your sister

Great job

thank u for this podcast

YES! I thought I was bipolar because of the on and offs of depressive episodes…

and yet, here you are living a focused life with goals. Don’t get overly invested in the medicalization of a bright, honest, and engaging young woman with many talents and a wonderful future. You are more than enough.

Girlie as a girlie with adhd this was very obvious since the first clip I’ve ever seen of you

you’re kidding, i’m literally going to my school counselor this week to ask for advice on how to get a diagnosis

i love watching ur comfort videos

When I got your video suggested, I was like 'I think I've heard this girl before.' You literally sound like Millie Bobby Brown.

i love the cosy vibesss

Cant wait to see your new post !

This video has given me so much validation but also sadness, sad because I’m on a long waiting list to be diagnosed but validated because you are me and I am you, there’s times I gaslight myself and think ‘maybe I’m fine’ but this video has helped a lot🫶🏻 idk why but I have a feeling I’ll meet you one day, I’ve never felt that from any content creator, I watched this video 3 days ago & have been thinking about this video since🤣

you go girl

You are a very bright, beautiful young woman ❤

I'm diagnosed being bipolar, schizophrenic, and as in having depression. lmao, people who get in conversations with me are diving into some deep water. I can talk for hours about things no-one else seems to understand. That being because I'm a mf prodigy. lol... But also due to me having a brain that literally never shuts off, and claims everyone is in on a big social experiment, trying to single me out for god knows what reason. Everyday, every-hour, every-minute... I am philosophizing who I am, why I am.. who others are, why others are. And I just get temporary truths thrown my way, truths that are never good enough to stabilize me. Never been diagnosed with ADHD (shockingly) because my mind is already so unique.. why not add any other identification to me. But anyways sense you're ADHD now, maybe you can find it easier to understand yourself and others even more than before. The mental health community is no joke. We all have our mentality, emotionality, and physicality. They're all one in being you, and you're one in being them. Making them connected. One gets unhealthy so do the others. And that goes to show how important it is to have all three working correctly. Hope you find something that will allow you to cope with the ADHD, because like I said our mental health is important, and most definitely relative.. Stay safe, stay up, and take care.💯

Love you thank you for that , bring your friend next time

Welcome to our club!

I cant wait to hear about forgiveness!!!

"lets start a podcast it would be sick"

ADHD is about stimulation. Your brain requires a certain amount of stimulation (physical, sensoral, mental) in order to marshall sufficient executive function for something as necessary and basic as emotional regulation. When you were in New York and Paris, it sounds like you were sufficiently stimulated and so your brain was working as it not only should but can.

I haven't been diagnosed but am like 193% sure I have it. But the thing is I don't wanna be one of those people who just says they have it and is like 'omg my adhd brain could noootttt like what' it just annoys me for some reason. And I feel like I don't have any right to assume that I have it because there are people out there who definitely do and are suffering as a result. I guess I just find it really hard to accept that I have it and actually ask for help and it's kind of like impostor syndrome in a way. The one time I briefly mentioned it to my parents they sort of blew it off like oh nooo you don't we would have noticed and then they started talking about this friend they have who got diagnosed and did a massive facebook post about how it's the reason for all the previous problems in their life and my parents were talking about it like it was annoying so I felt like I couldn't really talk to them about maybe having it. In summary, I want to get diagnosed and receive some sort of treatment for it so it can stop hindering my life so much and so that people around me (particularly my parents) understand the mental state I'm in when they're demanding things of me and arguing that I'm not trying hard enough at school etc. How on earth do I solve this problem...

my parents thought the way us kids behaved and felt was pretty 'normal' bc they also felt and behaved that way. honestly i think my immediate family is all on the spectrum. maybe we can get a group discount on diagnoses...

KNEW ITTTTTT

hii I believe you are saying you have inattentive adhd! There is inattentive, hyperactive, and mix, I thought I had only inattentive when I was diagnosed last year buuuut when I realised what hyperactivity can look like in an adult woman I understood I have both!! It isn’t at ALL like the kid in primary school and if you aren’t like that, it doesn’t mean you don’t have hyperactivity! I’m louder and laugh loud when I drink or get excited with my friends, other than that I’m pretty quiet and it’s inside my brain!

Hi! You should read driven to distractions. It’s really good and written by some psychiatrists in Boston. 💞

Omg I relate to everything you said!