I've been struggling with the same thing. I tend to observe and store in my head these ideals I'm looking for. My past relationships have greatly molded what these ideals are and what I deem as red flags for future relationships. I get so strict & realize this person can't exist & end up throwing all ideals out the window & getting hurt again or just keep distancing from all possible relationships for a while that I miss out on possible connections. No real advice, just input. Other than, as an INTP, never marry an ESFJ. As opposites, we can be fascinated by each other on the surface, but we're opposites. Maybe some INTP/ESFJ can work, I'm just speaking from experience & it's a point of red flag for me. Always enjoy your vids. Also, I hope you've found work since your last vid or are on the path to finding something you'll enjoy.
LOL im an INTP and my sister is an ESFJ. We love each other as siblings, but we don't work well together AT ALL. So I definitely get what you are saying, and you are exactly right.