If a Narcissist can't love their kids WHY do they have them?

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Don't let the title fool you because I (as a self aware narcissist) do believe that a lot of narcissists DO possess the ability to love their children. People may differ in opinion of course, but sometimes Narcissists ONLY love the kids. #narcissisticparents #narcissistabuserecovery
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
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16 окт 2024

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Комментарии : 124

@Jj-lo3zx 3 месяца назад

The Narc left his kids to streets but play father to others kids

@MentalHealness 3 месяца назад

😩

@zenaidarivera8054 3 месяца назад

WOW 😧. That's exactly what I have going on.

@Jj-lo3zx 3 месяца назад

now that i’ve watched this video , i can openly say , he told me ( the one that stayed n raised that tribe ) that i should’ve had children , he projects his flaws on me lol .. i shut that down fast ,,,

@montena369 2 месяца назад

Same thing happened to my kids dad just no reason but selfish cowards

@Blackmyths 3 месяца назад

They’re great with other people kids just not there own

@MentalHealness 3 месяца назад

😰

@Jj-lo3zx 3 месяца назад

yes your right i have 3 biological children n he abandon all of us n plays nice to other females kids … sick af … i lost mine to streets n have been stole support n thur it allí. still here for them and they grown but damaged / broken to know their father has no love for them ,,, not a loaf of bread

@10meme11 3 месяца назад

Yep. He just wanted to have the "model family" & fit in. All his other family members had this, so he had to follow suit.😢

@curiouscomplex290 2 месяца назад

They have kids for status, control, and to feel important. For many people the first and only time they have any power over anyone is when they have children. This is the kind of absolute power a narcissist will pursue.

@brookeplifts 2 месяца назад

Narcs like my mom had kids to have someone to control, live through, and have “automatic friends” cuz she doesn’t have friends. Nobody likes her and she’ll never get it. My ex is the same kind of narc except he has friends. He wants kids so he can feel special, wanted and depended on but would’ve ended up being a deadbeat parent cuz he couldn’t even treat me with respect

@usernane3652 3 месяца назад

In my experience, my narc mother loves kids when they are very little and they love the unconditional love that kids can give them back, but once the kids grow up and start having their own personality, that's when the sabotage starts. Basically kids cannot really see their parents as bad people, they are naive and easy to manipulate, and this is ideal to a narcissist.

@irenehamilton2981 2 месяца назад

Totally true their kids gotta see them as perfect not imperfect

@usernane3652 2 месяца назад

@@irenehamilton2981 Exactly. I have 3 older sisters who had several babies so I had the chance to observe how my narcissist mom (their grandma) interacted with them: basically as long as they were extremely young she was obsessed with her grandchildren but as soon as they started growing up she would either lose interest or at worst started devalueing them and even be hostile. The narc needs to be in control, and only the youngest are totally controllable.

@tijeraslack3 2 месяца назад

Sounds like my upbringing. My mom changed once my sister and I became teenagers. It’s worse now as we are adults because we have our own minds and make our own choices.

@jh9391 3 месяца назад

Some narcissists have kids because their husband or wife wants them.

@ObservingStuff 3 месяца назад

I AM EXTREMELY HAPPY I NEVER HAD KIDS WITH A NARCISSIST

@MentalHealness 3 месяца назад

🙏🏾

@DenaKaye13 3 месяца назад

@@ObservingStuff Meee toooo

@ObservingStuff 3 месяца назад

@@DenaKaye13 man... I almost did she wanted a daughter

@rayray7906 3 месяца назад

Consider yourself lucky. Going thru this now. Our daughter is beginning to see he dad is flawed and the pedestal she saw him on now is crumbling. She's 10. He loves her but not in a way that she needs....

@ObservingStuff 3 месяца назад

@@rayray7906 I'll pray for you tonight

@DulcesSweets 2 месяца назад

Some narcassists become competitive with their kids as the kids get older. They start seeing them as strangers almost and act the fool when the kids no longer conform to what they believe in.

@KP144ooo 3 месяца назад

They only have them to control , the golden child is also a narc … scapegoat is the most hated … the others are just there to serve the narc n help abuse the scapegoat in my experience

@Marlene-qm7qc 3 месяца назад

It's all about show, and status

@DarkFemmeJen 2 месяца назад

It really is. I see this in my family and it’s so sad. Especially one person in particular who even went as far as to make two men think they were the father at the same time 🤦🏽‍♀️. Then she gave up that child to her mother like he was an unwanted package but still wants and has access to him. Then went on to have more children like nothing happened. It’s like The Sims with these people! No conscience.

@angelagomez4789 3 месяца назад

If I'm a daddy it makes me look like a good person...look, my kids love me.

@kierrah3865 3 месяца назад

Exactly my ex totally!!!

@Shèrrie-Amor 2 месяца назад

My ex was a great Dad, as long as he had an audience. Behind closed doors, he barely interacted with his son. After watching this on his bi weekly visits, I decided I wasnt going to have children with him.

@IsabellaPiesch 2 месяца назад

The question is that really the case? Do they really love them? (I mean their kids).

@mariefrance1023 2 месяца назад

TOTALLY, and they want the unconditional love from theirs children

@truthseeker5941 2 месяца назад

@@IsabellaPiesch if you really aren't capable of loving yourself or anybody else how can you really love your kids? They love them in a narcissistic way. It's not healthy because they're not healthy.

@terrancemcclendon456 3 месяца назад

As helpers and wholesome image

@DarkFemmeJen 2 месяца назад

The narcissists in my family do everything that they can for show when it comes to their children in public and social media. But behind closed doors they have favorites. One favorite tactic they like to do is to play family members against each other and talk about them behind their backs. They can idolize one child and then treat the other one like they are invisible. If they can give their unwanted children away, they’d do it in a heartbeat. And it’s not because they are financially or physically unfit, they just don’t want to deal with caring for that child. What gets me is when they have more children soon after and act like as if nothing happened. Children are like toys to them and like Lee just said, they are seen as “Keys” to get what ever supply they want from others.

@DenaKaye13 3 месяца назад

Yes, this is what i was blessed to avoid. I was the only one who didn’t have kids with him. 🙌

@MentalHealness 3 месяца назад

🙌🏾

@mikkeline8900 3 месяца назад

I'm adopted. I always had said that they got me for image, to show others a family and yeah because it was normal to have kids. Especially in the 70'ties... My father is a narcessist. He had groomed my mother and had the control in our lives until I became a teen and began to be aware of what was going on. Today I have no contact with him. My mother died in 2001

@cierrabennett206 2 месяца назад

I'm trapped... I love my kids, tho, but I definitely got trapped. He was seemingly excited when I got pregnant. It was obviously for the wrong reason. BUT three years no contact coparenting. My kids and I are happy and at peace.

@MentalHealness 2 месяца назад

💯🙌🏾

@kinyaalexander7252 3 месяца назад

My ex SA me when I was asleep and passed out 23 years ago. That’s how my oldest son came about, I believe he did it to possibly trap me. At the time I was 20 and not ready to be a Mother 😢😢😢.

@truthseeker-mk4rt 3 месяца назад

They will fawn over the golden child and abuse and or neglect the scape goat child. Lived this in my family growing up and even to this day .

@bridgettetraveler658 3 месяца назад

Some narcissist don't love other ppl's children either. They only love themselves. Some have children & even adopt children to make slaves of them.

@itzkmarie87 2 месяца назад

Facts

@chellotrevino7323 2 месяца назад

They don’t love themselves tho brush on your facts the reason why the pick the scapegoat child is literally cuz they see the disowned younger self in them that’s why it’s called parental identification the narc is a demon they pick the scapegoat the kid who is the most kind the most nice the most empathetic and the parent ENVIES these qualities and takes it out on the child who has them ( the scapegoat ) cuz their literally jealous of their own child I’m in psychology I’m studying toxic ppl TO A T , THEN GETTING MY PHD❤

@proanimaluver6487 3 месяца назад

They use children as a tether. To them, you will always be a backup supply. It doesn't matter if they get a little or a lot from you . Kinda like when your changing batteries in a remote and you decide to keep the drained ones. ....just incase😅

@DenaKaye13 3 месяца назад

@@proanimaluver6487 Exactly

@ShaisTime 3 месяца назад

So so true !! ‼️💯

@TallGlass-fh8qf 3 месяца назад

Best analogy I’ve heard so far

@recoveringsoul755 2 месяца назад

A tether. Yes I can see that too. The same way they'll keep your stuff so you can't ever really escape them. An anchor that keeps us stuck. Or at the least between a rock and a hard place.

@proanimaluver6487 2 месяца назад

@@recoveringsoul755 ugh, you have truly dealt with a narcy. I'm sorry. I can feel the dread in your comment lol

@IsabellaPiesch 2 месяца назад

That is sure one thing that haunts me the most. Children for narcissists are supplies too. They control them... And when the kids grow older they don´t want to have anything to do with the narcisstic parent. In fact no wonder. Sadly they also abuse their children. Those parents always have to get what they want - but never hear out their children (what THEY want). It´s just horrific and sad in fact. Narcisstic people just lack emotional empathy - they can´t never understand their children needs or other needs (or feelings). Narcissists have a big ego and are too selfish to step aside and let others ,,live" so to speak. They have them for their image to say hey that´s my son - my daughter...

@Trammiliin_nr2 2 месяца назад

I think my mother got kids because she wanted to play a happy family… but unfortunately she has no idea how a happy family functions. She’s not able to form a close relationship with anyone, including her children. When I was little I thought she had us for house chores.

@Cersei27 2 месяца назад

Well as the daughter of a narcissistic mother, I can testify that her love was conditional, if you follow her rules, once you missed, you're out, no more love for you! What is more important to them than anything, is the image of an ideal family, ideal according to their twisted brain. The image outside is of a perfect family, and inside the house is hell!

@Shanaevaz 3 месяца назад

Being single an having no kids is a blessing an im 32 single an no kids ❤ an I'm single

@truthseeker5941 2 месяца назад

@Shana...you are sooooo blessed. Having children and being married is so over-rated! Live your best life.

@Shanaevaz 2 месяца назад

@@truthseeker5941 awww thank you 😊 🙏

@veronicakennedy5269 2 месяца назад

Completely agree I'm 50 my kids are raised if I had a choice things would have been completely different❤

@chyannemattern5359 2 месяца назад

Mr. Lee, having one healthy parent is so important. It help the child's mental health to have one parent they can go to.

@tanyabrown4919 3 месяца назад

So! This is my point about this subject, and no one asked me, but because I listen to Lee. My ex Narc doesn't love himself, so he can't love anyone. He never loved his own children with his 1st wife, and they had three children, and he acts like he loves my children, who isn't his, and has he divorced me he manipulate my children against me. Narc 's are God babies too, so let keep praying for them too 🙂🥰😇🙏🏽

@nicolebeard6051 2 месяца назад

I think my narcissistic father had kids with my mother to trap her and to appear normal. I know he doesn’t love his kids, even though he’ll sometimes say “I love all of my kids”. He has 7 kids from 2 different marriages. I was the first born from the second marriage. My mom told me that she and my father never discussed having kids before she became pregnant with me. It’s all about image. I can’t speak for my siblings from my dad’s first marriage, but the 3 of us that lived in the household with our dad experienced emotional neglect, emotional abuse, and physical abuse from our father. He didn’t need kids at all.

@zenaidarivera8054 3 месяца назад

Most Narcissist are selfish.

@tatianaa.3694 2 месяца назад

Not "most of narcisists are selfish" ALL narcissists are selfish, that's narcisism about. If they are not selfish they are NOT narcisists

@That.Lady.withtheYarn 3 месяца назад

My younger brother is the golden child. My older brother and I are the unwanted. I find it hard to find any patience with people and emotions. I’ve got traumas from my home and school life. And my mom thinks she can shower my tiny human with gifts to make them love them. My younger brother probably was a trap, and he’s an adult and he will never leave home.

@kimmae9283 2 месяца назад

To trap their partner with them for life lol because even if that relationship ends you still have to be connected in one form another because of the kid. My ex trapped his last two baby mamas by inpregnanting them and he was talking about getting me pregnant within the first week we met lol He doesn't love either one of his kids. He only buys things for them to make him look good or feel good. If his family wasn't holding him accountable to be a dad he would skert on those two lol He completely ghosted his teenage son when he first met me to spend all his tine with me. You don't do that when you actually love someone especially your kid.

@marycampeau9378 3 месяца назад

i assume she had a child that she could totally control and get validation for her narrative

@theanonymoushelpline7248 3 месяца назад

Exactly

@MattC-ew1kr 2 месяца назад

This perspective really helps me reconcile a lot of the cognitive dissonance I've had regarding my ex and the way she treated me vs the way she treats the kids. I was absolutely treated like s***. I still struggle with the matter of how deliberate is was or wasn't. But I struggled most with the fact that as horrible as she was to me, I have really no reason to believe she didn't love the kids.

@mariefrance1023 2 месяца назад

My narcissist partner was obsessed with his kids and specially his 8 years old daughter. My narcissist partner is an ex now because I ran out of patience and left him 5 weeks ago.

@pamchapin1845 2 месяца назад

Kids make them look normal.

@robbiewooden5067 3 месяца назад

So sad.

@oraclepanda 2 месяца назад

Narcissistic robot needs a costume and regular screen time 😂

@MentalHealness 2 месяца назад

😂😂

@veronicakennedy5269 2 месяца назад

Completely agree I'm 50 all my children are raised if I could do it over again it would have been completely different my children that are adults now payed the dearest price and unfortunately my adult children are passing it on to my grandchildren by their lifestyle and now the partners in which they are choosing to have in their life and to be the parent to my grandchildren all I can do is love them through it and always let them know I'm always just a hug away and take a knee as needed whenever❤

@someoneyoudontknow7705 3 месяца назад

I wondered why my mom did. She always says she hated when her parents had her younger brother, who is about 10yrs younger than her, and how she was mad cuz a lot of times they made her take care of him. But she purposely went and got pregnant at 16yrs old and dropped out of high school. Um, ok? I thought you didn’t wanna take care of any kids? Which technically, she DIDNT take care of me. I was just always confused WHY she had kids, so thank you for making this video.

@cathyh1680 2 месяца назад

My younger brother was born 11 years after me. My sister and I had been begging for a baby brother and my mother said that she was not having any more so we were overjoyed when he was born and he was the love and joy of our lives. We liked doing things for him. It's funny how people take things so differently. My sister always hated having an older sister though. She is a supreme narcissist. Went to live in a different area so she could lie about who she is. That's the thing about narcissists - they will hypocritically contradict themselves all the time, like your mother hating taking care of a baby then having one to have to take care of 24/7. Wildly contradictory.

@someoneyoudontknow7705 2 месяца назад

⁠@@cathyh1680Wow, that’s so true about contradicting themselves! Thank you for sharing your story 😊

@stellarose5630 2 месяца назад

Also, I believe that the kids are just seen as an extension of themselves..🕊️

@truthseeker5941 2 месяца назад

@stellarose...I agree with that. My ex-narc trapped me as a teen with a son that he abandoned when I Ieft him. Then he got married decades later and had 2 more children, all while being an IV drug user. He did try to be a good father to them and came back into my son's life when he was grown. I often wondered why he did all this - bringing kids into his messy, toxic world - it was all for entrapment and because they were an extension of himself, like you said, and to get to more supply from the kids. He tried to look like he was having normal life, even though he was far from normal. He lived a double life: street life/family man.

@mairacamara 2 месяца назад

My dad was a malignant narcissist, just like HG Tudor. The same, so he spent all my childhood competing with me and of course I always lost. He loved so much competition that he was really a great great professional and student and everything. He never had a B, always A, AA, AA+. For him it was his way of life, being better than everyone. And in things he was not, he used to devaluad so the other person felt insecure about itself. He used to tell me: “I will never be the father that provides and protect. I will always be the friend. You have to defend yourself cause I won’t .” I was raised by a wolf to be a wolf. To try to get his respect I had to be good in everything I did. And of course, it was never enough. At least I’m kinda Nikita woman.

@DulcesSweets 2 месяца назад

This is very interesting! I can't imagine how difficult it must have been growing up like that. I guess in some ways he wanted you to be stronger, but there had to be a better way to teach a child strength. Wishing you the best!

@linlin87 2 месяца назад

They do it so they stay connected to you. Not for the kids and Hurt you. They being dads to other peoples kids and dont look after their own

@Marlene-qm7qc 3 месяца назад

My narc ex doesn't want to know our child, because he went back to his back burner supply 😢

@minahsuhail5490 2 месяца назад

The narcissist I encountered didn't want his kids, he had them to trap the women who were taking care of him they were providing a home, finances, and supply.

@chenanigans 2 месяца назад

I also feel like with mine its that he loves the fact that its more admiration. You know they love and thrive off of attention and admiration and validation and kids dont know any better theyre gonna love and admire you. My bf loves that his kids love him. And in a way i guess maybe its healing a little because maybe they never felt that love from their parents.

@brigittesullivan2051 2 месяца назад

We don't wanna hear you say "daddy" no more..... STOP! 😂😂

@daphneeversole2937 2 месяца назад

My ex didn’t have that “happy family “ growing up, so I figured he wanted us for show. We had two boys. He was a good dad, until he couldn’t control them. Then three years ago he walked out for good. He found out our youngest was in college and had the nerve to post on the college facebook page that if anyone saw, son’s name, to let him know that his father loved him and it’s been long enough and he misses him and his brother. I was sick, he never made the first attempt to reach out directly to our kids. But to post on the college facebook page. Thankfully no one responded, it was all I could do not to respond, but I figured he wanted attention and we didn’t give it to him.

@rayray7906 3 месяца назад

Hey Lee, will u be making a similar book for kids 10 and up?

@soniabasic2429 3 месяца назад

I do not agree, narcs dont love anything except themselves, no Empathy means exactly that, kids or not, how they show to their children love is through Manipulation by controlling them and using the power over finances to do it. Thats not love!!! If they could pick and choice who to love and not love they would not be what they are, therefore i do not agree with that at all.🤷‍♀️

@Riverlovesfood 3 месяца назад

I agree to but I have to say narcissists don’t love themselves. That’s why they bring you down constantly. They are insecure they do not have the ability to love only obsess over things and people

@sunnybein1 2 месяца назад

They don’t love themselves…they cannot access positive emotions and experience only negative affect.They are filled with self loathing.They are selfish and self centred(zero empathy) but they do not love themselves.

@Riverlovesfood 2 месяца назад

@@sunnybein1 Agreed!

@chellotrevino7323 2 месяца назад

Putting out false information they don’t live their kids even the golden child gets abused actually the golden child gets treated worse than the scapegoat I agree with every video besides this one and anyone disagrees with me wrong so 🤷‍♂️

@chasmckinney24 2 месяца назад

My ex sees his kids as a financial burden and would voice it to his son all the time. 😢 There were times I would get back with my ex just because of his kids so they can know what love truly felt like. Now I pray everyday that his son doesn't turn out like him. His daughter wants nothing to do with him. I hate that I had to give up my relationship with his kids because of him. I miss them.

@MentalHealness 2 месяца назад

😩

@MW-vy6dt 3 месяца назад

I am older than my narcissist and already have 2 adult children. My narcissist doesn't have any yet. One of his answers as to why he is cheating on me is that I already have children. He will now impregnate everyone he makes happy. But he doesn't want a relationship with the women and wants to raise the children together. 😂The main thing is children. He has been having an affair for 1.5 years and she has 2 children and she doesn't give a damn about the children. She stays out all night when she meets my narcissist and always goes out partying at the weekend. I once asked him if he wanted a mother like that for his children. He said he didn't care. 🤦‍♀️ I pray that he doesn't get anyone pregnant, although this affair once got him pregnant and then he asked her to abort the child. Now I hope that he won't be able to father a child, because then the children will be really poor.

@Mrs.hardworkingCooper 3 месяца назад

God 💜💜💜his children PSA PSA stop playing with my God 🙏🏾👂👍🏾🙏🏾

@bronwentillman8385 3 месяца назад

Why? Leverage

@Ashleepaige85 3 месяца назад

So sad... ❤ Thanks lee😢

@steedrakelley1401 2 месяца назад

My narcissistic bd has THREE baby moma’s & four kids (I am the third bm & have two kids) & my bd does NOT take care of any of his kids except his child with his second bm ! Has every excuse, rhyme & reason why he can’t do for all but his oldest daughter she is named after him & everything oh & he plays stepdaddy to his 2nd bm’s kids… will go months with silence NEVER has met his daughter & still have the audacity why he can’t for mine but CAN for his daughter & step children. He is 30 years old & the 2nd bm is 24 so he has full control & since he knows im not the one who plays his games but I feel like he trapped me…. Does not care about m babies at all ! Does not live in my state or thankfully from this state so I don’t have to deal with him, didn’t know what I was dealing with until AFTER I was pregnant with my daughter & fully looked into narcissistic tendencies & BOOM figured it out ! Very sad & my heart breaks for my babies

@MentalHealness 2 месяца назад

That sucks so bad

@emilyholton2221 2 месяца назад

I think another reason narcisstic women have kids is also, Because they have to have them around. I knew someone who had 6 kids, by several different fathers and she said she had no friends, cause everyone is a hater. She was incredibly toxic.

@MentalHealness 2 месяца назад

💯

@OwlRight_BeKind3bd5yc19m 2 месяца назад

I can think about some other reasons to why, which I believe are possible.. 1. They let thé kid do stuff they need in the Future, so they don't need to pay (think about something practical , like: electrics,etc or even for thé richness it Involved EG lawyer or something) 2. To see thé kid as their OWN 2nd life, a rebirth sort of speak.. 3. To fill in thé emptiness, cause they believe that a kind is Loving without boundaries or thinking on their own 4. To use them as "flying monkeys" How are those reasons @ Lee H.

@MentalHealness 2 месяца назад

i can see that

@jmdennis1967 2 месяца назад

To me the issue with Narcissist having kids is they raise more Narcissist. Like sons might treat others as dad treats his wife which most of the time is not good. Daughters might date Narcissist because that is the love they know. Some expect perfection from there kids and not sure if this is love or not. Just wish they would stop the cycle with them and not have kids.

@MentalHealness 2 месяца назад

i wish they'd get help

@Maira3306 2 месяца назад

Hello, non contact regime for seven months...he writes to my sister asking her if she can get 3 books he left at my house and leave them at a bar we both know. What's the best choice to keep the no contact he already manager to "break"? Should I say I just don't have them anymore? Or let him have them? His messaggi was even to let me know he will be here, he lives in a different region in italy....hope you can give me some advice

@cletiawilliams1436 3 месяца назад

💯💯💔

@MelissaDilan-ft7oi 3 месяца назад

My Narc ex put me and my 4mth old daughter which is his to move his new supply and her 5 yr old not his in to play house he then married her had two more kids with her and she ended up divorcing him 17 years later and no in and out of prison