If Every Video Game Had Microtransactions 

My favorite part about old games is that once you bought the disc, you were done spending money.

"Thank you Mario, but our princess is in another cartridge."

I like Jill Valentine mentioned the fish suit!

Fire emblem: every weapon costs the same amount as making real ones. Pokemon: each Mon you catch needs an animal trainer racking up the bills Kirby: everything food he eats is added to his bill.

Can't belive I just had to purchase a "Comment pass" to post this....

Love the Fish Suit callback.

Now this feels like old dorkly, multiple skits with decent jokes.

Love the fish suit reference

Sad part is these examples are still tame compared to what companies have tried to get away with putting gameplay options as dlc.

In Super Mario Bros. 3, instead of Toad Houses, now there's just Toad Shops and you have to pay coins for what's inside each of the chests (basically lootboxes)

The Sonic one would be more accurate if the gold rings were just the free currency, which is basically worthless and would take hundreds of hours of grinding to collect enough to buy the skins you want. Also, you can't infinitely grind them because after you collect a certain amount every day you are unable to collect more for 24 hours...unless you pay. Then you'd have the "Speed Pass" which you pay monthly or seasonally which would let you grind gold rings forever and cause special platinum rings to randomly show up. These are a separate currency that you can buy exclusive skins with but only while you pay for the "Speed Pass" and the skins platinum can buy rotate every month. So, if you don't grind those platinum rings you might miss the skins you want that month for who knows how long. They'd also toss you a few randomized goodies for buying the pass so you still feel like you got something if your platinum ring RNG is bad. Then there are the diamond rings which can only be bought with real money and can buy anything you can acquire with gold rings but NOT the "Speed Pass" exclusive skins. Except the price of stuff using diamond rings is such that you will always have some left over. You will try and spend it all but you won't be able to because it will be mathematically impossible to zero out your diamond rings once you've bought some. There will always be some in your account, tempting you to buy more.

"Microtransactions" $29.99 + $99.99 MICRO transactions

It's funny because 4 of the 5 games shown are based off the old arcade game system where you pay to buy more lives.

This is one the few times they made Sonic look like how he does in the game instead of using the SFH design

1:35 Dude be all like "Jackpot."

Honestly, you could make each life in battle toads cost 1 cent and you'd still make millions from the turbo tunnel

Basically if they were all made by EA. 0:24 feels a bit inaccurate though.

I was expecting Mario to have to pay $99.99 for another shot with that gun.

That battletoads one was some emotional damage there...

The alternate universe where the guy who wanted to charge players to reload won

ED-209: [menacingly] Please put down your weapon. You have twenty seconds to comply. Dick Jones: I think you'd better do what he says, Mr. Kinney. 😊

1:28 Well to be fair, when I first played Street Fighter in arcades I did have to spend money every 2min or so, though it usually was just 50 cents or so in quarters.

1:22 Worth it till it needs more anmo and that's another charge.

If all video games had microtransactions, we would be COOKED.

HATE these. Never paid For one ever.

Jill still has that obsession with the fish suit.

Maybe one day we will learn more of Tarvarious and his fish suit!!

I like how this is a "remake" of "if classic games had DLC"

this needs multiple parts

I NEED to know about the fish suit!

Pokemon - Pay to catch a new Pokemon or be stuck with the starter for the whole game Pac Man - Pay to eat ghosts Luigi's Mansion - To open doors. Mega Man - To get a new ability Angry Birds - Unlock the other episodes...oh, wait... (Coughs Seasons Coughs)

The badnik hitting prolly a micro transaction

Because the Turbo Tunnel wasn't frustrating enough! 😂

Battle Toads segment gave me a bit of PTSD lol

Who doesn't want to see Bison in Cammy's super tactical, military, special forces onesie??

Fashionista Motorbug - new favorite character.

Prof Oak: Fill this dex for me, whatever your name is, will ya? Gary: Times have changed Grandpa. That'll be $99.99 and I can't promise I'll see them all.

Did anyone notice that Sonic had his Sonic 2 design before the jump, but his Sonic 1 design after the jump?

1:15 Pay to win or quit the game...

I like to imagine fashionista motor bug had to pay a monthly subscription of $25.99 for an insult pass after roasting Sonic LOL

Yes! More about that fish suit.

It's 100 bucks for a invisibility star and 1000 bucks if you want a one hit super hammer

The fish suit saga!

Yep, that weapon that Mario got was probably worth it.

Especially funny, since resident evil 8 had microtransactions

Seems about right for these games. If they were made today for the phone, this is pretty much exactly what they would be

I hope Fashionista Motorbug is a recurring character.

*"No! He turned the game into a Free-to-play! We're all gonna die! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"* - There is No Game Wrong Dimension.

Dude these Dorkly videos are so FUCKING funny, they make me wanna merge without looking

Microtransactions are the worst things ever invented!

0:29 Sonic 2 Anniversary Edition Options menu

This sort of reminds me of the classic dorkly video about what if old games had DLC but you know what I think this might have actually been a little bit better as a matter of fact. Awesome

The Castle Fastpass killed me, I don't know why

Looool Castle Fast Pass took me out

Sonic got roasted by that robot.

The fish suit retuuuuuuurns!!!

Frogger: 1.99 for a lily pad FF7 : 5.99 for additional materia slots Joust: 3.99 to restore flight stamina

If they got their way, this would without a doubt be a thing.

"Im trying to learn about the Fish Suit!" Nice callback

lol I love this, good message for companies nowadays. Also when you think about that... ehh that was arcade machines wasn't it, uggh sadly. Buying games, owning the full package, I miss those days, no DLC, no microtransactions, nothing. I blame Sonic for this... and Knuckles lol, Sonic and Knuckles kicked off the idea of "DLC", but that was done right. 2 full games, then bonus content from having both. Lego Star Wars 2 was the same, if you owned 1st game oh boy more characters.

It's like a sequel to the dlc one.

I miss playing Gauntlet. Had to put a quarter in for food so the barbarian wouldn’t die of starvation.

Dorkly: If Every Video Game Had Microtransactions Developers: "Write that down! Write that down!"

Great commentary satire and ideas to hit on the subject. I kind of thought the Battletoad at the front of the pileup would yell out "I'm waiting from my paycheck!" Loved the Resident Evil bit, and the Street Fighter bit finishing the sketch off.

0:40 Sonic's face said it all

This is why im a retro gamer. None of this pay to win stuff. Just hard work and getting good

Missed opportunity to turn megaman into a Gacha game, with the robot masters having different rarities

I would be hell on earth if you had to pay money just to continue.

Microtransactions... they are everywhere!

The comedic timing at 1:35 amazing.

Five Nights at Freddy’s: “Hello Hello?” “To continue this Phone call to help you on your mission to beat the night, please pay a quarter* *of a 100 Dollars”

Idea, in Legend of Legaia, You actually need $100 to buy the "Ultimate Items", Scrolls, Cookbook, even the Early Access to the Fighting Arena.

One day we will learn about the fish suit

0:29 Eggman: That explain where he keep hidding his ring! Sonic: Worse day ever!

Pay2Win The reason why I stopped playing Videogames is because now there was a $ next to all the high scores, and then I started to realize it wasn't points that put them up on the leader board.

(Microtransactions are Bankruptcy)

Damn it Jill! Stop looking up journals about the fish suit! It'll lead you to madness if you keep searching it!

God bless Larian studios for not making me spend more money for every goddamn update

This reminds me of "there is no game"

1:22 This feels more like a DLC than a micro transaction

That is pretty accurate for gaming now

I do not know whether to laugh or cry, but well done.

0:35 motobug roasts sonic

The "Death Bringer" might be worth it, until you realize, every additional shot cost triple the initial buying price.

It cool how you added games like battle toad to this vid🐸🐸🐸

Jill still looking for that FISH SUIT. 😂

0:30 that's why sonic was running in his 30 years worth of debt (running in your 30s feat Crush 40)

Another one for Mario is “Another Castle DLC Pack: Must buy to play beyond World 1 Bowser Castle” 😂😂😂😂

That “perfect” at the end killed me lol!

Yep, from video games, even down “free apps” these pesky micro transactions will always find a way to infiltrate your wallet.

How can we make the battletoads sipped biker section even *better*? I know, micro transactions!

THE FISH-SUIT SAGA CONTINUES!!!!!! HELL YEAH! XDDDDDDDDDDD

I remember discovering you when you made The Pokedex entries but literal, and I don't regret it

That is completely accurate everything cost a ridiculous amount of money these days

God this hurts so much

Ryu has discovered something about himself and I'm here for it

Nice that you made a call back of the Fish Suit.

If Glover (1998 video game) had microtransactions, you would have to pay to change the ball that Glover uses.

Trust me they're working very hard to make almost every aspect of microtransaction. Imagine paying a dollar per jump in a Mario or Sonic game

The real reason we pay money to learn about the Fish suit