How much more than you have to be. Every straight down from head to toe. Ain't no shame here when it comes to a man I love I'm going to let him have it . Their his no finger out why games. Real you get real. How much real can you be honest that man full of shit and you wasting your time. I'm faithful honey loving straight forward person. I don't play with my love. I give no doubt in my relationship so. Tell me what I'm doing wrong
@@gloriabuchanan2425 I truly think these guru's R making matters worse. If U noticed there R a lot of false prophets on the internet & they all target women's pain strings. Talk to directly to your man. Talk to him plain and simple no manipulation & listen when he talks. Stay off of social media stop listening to the sisterhood & put down feminism
Men are very decisive, clear cut, and specific with what they want. The moment you start having to “figure out”, things, and are trying to “understand” him…. YOU’RE an option.
it hurts a lot more when that person put up with a toxic, manipulative, gold digger person for years.. but you were trying to show her/him different and they still let go of you by cheating.
And when questioned about it, some may go as far as claiming "I don't like putting labels on what we are". Making themselves out to be some fake "new-agey" person
Don't ever allow someone to treat you as an option or supply. You deserve to be treated as the priority that you are with love and respect. Never settle because what is one person's back up plan is someone else's whole world. 💛
What abt he's so good at what he does that u can't figure it out....? There are times I think he doesn't care, then he does something to blow my mind. Then after that he goes back to not caring
@@torontolady5930 You said it yourself, he’s so good at what he does. What is it that he does? One who is interested shows it consistently, just listen to your inner self and watch the video again. Carefully.
Married 48 years and just found out my husband cheated for 20 years. Completely destroyed me our marriage our retirement in 8 months destroyed everything I work so hard for for 48 years. I never knew him at all. It’s just soul shattering.
Am facing same thing right now, my own boyfriend will be posting different ladies everyday and if I ask him he will say they are his Friends and for asking him is another trouble and am fedup for that it just be as if am just chasing him no sign of love at all
I've been banging my head against the wall for 24 years, knowing were not right for each other but we got comfortable instead of walking away. Ladies, if it doesn't feel right in the beginning run as fast as you can because those kind are a dime a dozen and your dream boat is still out there searching for you too!
@@listeningviayoutube7229 I was wondering the same thing....I knew in month 3 of my 3 plus years it was not sitting well with me but I put up with it...ghost me after a week of love bomb but the dumb ass did not know I was ahead of him because for weeks I had been toying with with walking away...he beat me to it
I think Stephen is spying on me or has been in my google search history because 😮, Like how do you always speak on what I’m currently experiencing. This man is good. This why I subscribed. ❤️
I’ve spent 8 months holding on and hoping for more because I just liked him so much. I feel so dumb for doing this, it’s so hard to just walk away and turn your feelings off and it never fails….when you know you need to forget this person, walk away, and start making yourself detach, it’s like they sense it and start chasing again. It’s like they know! So frustrating!!
8 months how about 10 yrs of someone telling you they love you and how you’re gonna do this and that and never acts on it then says you’re negative when you speak on their actions instead of just saying hey we don’t match I’m not interested and I’m celibate so it’s not about sex I don’t get it but I’m done with it finally
@@erikaanthony2726 Hey, I know we all here learning and sharing and you have your own story but you came and invalidated her feelings of going through something for 8 months compared to your 10 years. I’m sure that wasn’t your intentions. It does not matter the length of what anyone of us go through, if it hurts it hurts, period. Just wanted to note that so we don’t invalidate one another it’s hard out here for all of us.
It was 3 months for me, and long distance (different countries, not too far away), but wow, did I think I finally found someone interesting. He initiated frequent contact EVERY DAY without fail for three months. We discussed ideas about finally meeting. Only to then skip a day, and when I reached out the next day he informed me (in a totally ridiculous, beat-around-the-bush way) that he got back together with his girlfriend. Two days before this he was still flirting with me. What? No, that just doesn't happen. I was always an option, and it's horrible to realise. It's horrible to suddenly lose contact completely after talking every day for three months. It feels like he suddenly died. Or that some part of my body was amputated without me being informed. My god... I'm just happy it wasn't six months or a year. Although it probably wouldn't have lasted that long because I would've started asking very direct questions about our meeting. But it's so awful that I never even got to actually meet him after investing so much emotionally and clicking with that person so well. I feel so stupid and sad.
Being secure with who you are as a woman is key to being able to accept that not every man you want will want you. It is both character building and confidence boosting to be able to walk away assertively with your head held high, from anyone who does not treat you as well as you deserve to be treated but first, you have to know your own worth and not accept breadcrumbs when you deserve a three course meal. Thanks again for another short but sweet video, however it was so short I feel that you only gave us a starter with no main course or desert.
Sometimes it's simply poor character. Good people, especially good men, treat people well. A good man will not mistreat women nor intentionally hurt them to satisfy his desires or boost his own ego and low self-esteem. Good men treat women with respect and act with an innate duty to PROTECT rather than hurt women. Do not make excuses for low life philandering men. It's not you. It's him. Thank God for allowing you to discern his true character and MOVE ON.
If I'm receptive every time, he's not chasing.. The only way I'm willing to initiate is when I see consistency.. Start disappearing for days at a time for no known reason... that tells me he's not all in and neither am I.
Takes time to get to know if You want to be committed to someone so yes everyone is an option until you both decide to take it serious. Get to know the person do you like their approach, do you want to be committed to someone with their characteristics?
It is always a risk being in the friendzone (what if they fall for me and want me as a girlfriend but I don't?! Or vice versa), then the relationship kind of becomes awkward.. or if you CROSS that line and then things still combust, then what?! I guess a friendship with them is better than nothing, if you can handle them dating, marrying and having children with some body else that is..
Honestly, if you are what a man really wants he’d try to be the man you need and deserve no matter how unprepared or ready he is or may seem, just my opinion. I was told he’s simply not ready and doesn’t feel ready for commitment right now and that he doesn’t feel like he can be the man I deserve “so to speak” so he said I’m better off with someone who can give me what I deserve and put me on that pedestal because that’s what I deserve and that I’m a wonderful woman.
Back in the day the women use to drop their scarfs or something so the man could go and pick it up and give it back and that’s what made the first move. She let the men think he made it but she set it up.
Whats frustrating is the ones who PRETEND to match your energy, pretending to give and take and show like they share the same interests, just to randomly stop communication and leave you hanging. Making it seem like yall was working towards something solid. Smh 🤷🏿♀️💯
@@shyne1308 Whether a person lost interest or not, be grown and communicate it. Ghosting is immature and doesn't make a person take accountability for being disrespectful...🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️
Also never tell someone where you live or work until you trust them. Don't talk about assets or money. Dated a man and every question was a round about questions to ask what I own. I don't mention that I have many assets and maintain.a.modest appearance. I looking for someone who.likes me for who I am not what I have! It's also easier to find someone who has a kind heart.
Learning to dance w/partner, at a dance hall, I saw he had two directions in his mind, he was indecisive about, cloaking the direction in front of him. I told him I saw his indecision, And that made it confusing to follow He agreed. Some can see and feel the indecision. It can be literal or metaphorical I think.
The issue I have is I’m the one that’s jaded. I don’t even call or text my dates yet they hit me up constantly. I’m so jaded and scared I block anyone bc I refuse to emotionally attach.
Sounds like a unhealed person 😌. I’ve recently been in that situation. The only way you can properly receive any predator (man) is to heal. Allow God to heal you. Unhealed people only create unhealthy relationships. Or sometimes it could just simply be because you never had any positive role models growing up 🤷🏾♀️.
This is the story of what I am going through right now,at this point I have decided to end the relationship am done stressing I know the right guy will come .
I feel you I were going thru the same things it was time for me to let him go he took my love for granted treating me real bad god told me it was time to unlove him trust me we are free and god will send someone that will do right by us stay focus and keep your head up things will get better.🙏🙏🙏🙏💙
Only entertain decisive people have clear intentions and self love. This pertains to all relationship and business. See your time as Gold... do not invest or waste one minute with a poor indecisive and unethical investment. You can have one conversation with someone and know who they are. I met this gent at a off broadway play... he called me as soon as I got home. I asked him about his passion, background, and what was his longest relationship. He was 40ish... he said, 6 months? I appreciate his honesty. We didn't have to go on a date... I knew he wasn't for me. Ladies, don't waste your time on dating... invest in creating healthy friendships with intentional people who are making the world GREAT!
A "real" man should already know what he wants before making contact. He knew that he didn't or wouldn't have the necessary time to invest in a relationship before he pulled the trigger. He was all about "game" from the start if that's the case.
Ok Stephen, I agree . You don’t have to make a man chase you. All this cat and mouse stuff say what ? Not at my age . Lol. It’s so much better when 2 people come together and they both like each other. You’re on Point ! Especially for the old schoolers ! Lol
I'm free I dumped him I feel good now my heart is healing from him mistreats me what goes around come around trust me his day will come god dont like ugly he will wish he never did that to me god is able to do all things he 🙏🙏🙏🙏❤
« he might be superbusy » 😂😂😂 looooooool big loool No one is busy 24 hours even CEOs. Come one guys, we all have our phone between our hands EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Ughhhh… and the saga continues! I’ve given up on dating/relationships tbh and been happier ever since I haven’t been checking. I can’t be bothered with the stress and mind games.
If he does not change after my conversation and shows me that I'm only an option and he doesn't have the time or importance to him, I will definitely not waste my time in trivial conversation once in awhile when he is available.
I made the mistake and listened to the words ( lips service) in the beginning all kinds of future talk and relationship etc etc. I started to watch the actions. As soon as I heard the words." I'm not looking for something serious" I cut it off I thanked him for the time spent and wished him well. reminded him that I'm seeking an amazing connection with one person. Then told him I no longer will be connecting with him. He said I left items at my place and I kindly said he can todd them. He then said wow I guess you really don't want to see me anymore? That was the issue indecisive and loads of mixed signals during our time together. Crazy!
You rock Lady....when you take back the power you shock the hell out of them...mine ghost me a year ago ...I immediately hit the NO CONTACT button and have stayed there...he bread crumb me three months after the love bomb on my birthday...I thanked him and kept it moving...his big day came and went like another day...I hope like hell he does not reach out because he will get NO CONTACT on steroids
@@StephanSpeaksClips can you do a video on why men have sex with women but make then feel ugly and unattractive while in the act also making the women feel as if they have sex it’s in their terms and how it has to be done
I just started talking to a new guy & this is exactly how I feel, like I am the Initiator! I've noticed he is responsive to talking, but after I contact HIM first.... Frustrating, because I'd like to get to know him better, but being the Initiator becomes a "turn off"!!! Ugh.... 😣 😞
I have the same issue..and also for me is a turn off!!! I told him already twice ..after this I want to see if he’s still like this I will talk and walk away.
Solid core Self Value is Key to One’s, well-Being!!! The sooner you see if a man for instance flirts and looks at every beauty that walks by, or you feel devalued around him by his actions or comments then you MUST WALK! Or you are agreeing (even unaware of it) to be devalued, whether you are conscious of it or not, that being “less than”, others is OK, it’s Not OK. Walk away, what you Hope for can be toxic if it’s showing up as something other than what you Hope for! Walk. Take your Valuable Self, and BAIL. You/We are all of great value! Protect your most valuable asset, yourSelf! Your ❤ is priceless…. Don’t settle for less than your worth and if you feel worth less, then get help, because you need to Right That! You and your love and devotion is a Beautiful Gift. Don’t give it away to anyone who doesn’t deserve it!
Excellent point regarding “busy men”. Some are truly busier than others. I hated initiating dates all the time. I sat him down and we agreed he must make a plan one weekend a month every month. He did this and it was wonderful.
I agree no one should chasing another. This is doing the most. I keep it simple, if you make effort as a man cool we"ll move and see how things can go. But do not have time wasted. What does option mean to the person? Keep it simple, a person will show you what they are interested in. Dont waste your time trying to figure out his behavior, move on... . Life is to short...
I ALWAYS remember we're all options. It's my decision how long I want to be optional or only. Personally, I don't stand on line for anything else so definitely not going to for a man! I have options too.
I agree, be thankful. He is not your one and you are worthy of love, real love. Don't compromise your worth. I need him to show me and if not I'm out. If he doesn't communicate at all, how can we talk? Make me understand what that mean. Nothing.
@@cynthiagomes2979 you so right everything is on god timeline I'm waiting patiently on god trust me when he send that man you will know it you stay bless as well we deserve better thank you again🙏❤
Married for 25 years. I'm happy, positive, secure in myself. If you believe/trust GOD, HE will bring right man at right time ----- unless HE wants you single. Easiest/fastest way to weed out leeches/losers etc., is to ask if they believe/know/trust GOD. Watch how FAST they run!!! (I find it comical....)
You will find covert narcissists in church. Claiming to believe in and love God is part of their public self and it may be quite true, but there is a hidden self that only their spouses and maybe kids see, and that self does not obey or love God, is often abusive, and causes all kinds of trauma for their loved ones. And no one at church believes it when the spouse or kids starts talking about it. I’m glad it worked out that way for you, but there are some tragic realities playing out in homes where everyone thinks someone really is a great Christian.
A lot of dudes out there are not self aware. I'm lucky I spent time with my now ex who came to the realization that I can't be a priority anymore. Oh well, moving on!
I am always his last option. To be honest I think guys want the most attractive woman and I’m just not that for him. I think I’m a great woman but he has never seen my value. He also is a player. I have deleted him from my life.
Yeah, but if he is just calling and not seeing you let his butt find the curb....this is not affection...a man has to pour at least 100 hours of face and physical connection time with a woman to develop any type of relationship with you...do not fall in the trap.... I did, thinking because he calls he cares...it was just a slow moment in his busy day...when Stephan says we gotta move them in and out quickly believe him...I wasted three plus years with the call nonsense and then the bum ghost me...I am not a shrinking flower not a power seeker but you can bet I was sleep....woke now and I pity anyone to try it...
Im a woman and this is the current situation Im in. We like each other-A LOT. Connection and everything. The only issue is because of recession and priorities with business, his job and other mental/emotional issues that have not been settled yet, it’s just not a good time for us to move forward. So I took it to myself to just be friends with him atm. It still hurts though because you’ve found someone that you want to be with yet you dont have anything to give right now as I am in my season of rebuilding and healing.
How are things going with that? Is the joy of the friendship proving to be enough and sorta acting as a way of building a foundation for something more in the future. Sometimes it seems we gotta "wait on our hands" and let things progress while knowing we can at least be in each other's life in some shape or form.
@@carolynnwhite2807 aww SIS I completely understand 😔 but together can be just as painful. I hope that him leaving to be better for you indeed is what happens. Take this time to heal to be better for you to hun. Look into attachment styles. I found I'm an anxious one and my SO is an dismissive avoidant 😒 It's hard out here. Hope you get the love you deserve. I pray the best for you. Hugs and love 💕
I thank God for people like you and I see red flags and I avoid men who don't communicate I cut them off fast I don't even like being pursued anymore and I enjoy my peace
after having been married, i think too many women are not pursuing arts, education and their self fulfillment and choosing to lose half of their identity by dragging men around. most, not all, just get in the way of creativity, development and self fulfillment. My sons were told marriage may happen but is by no means a pursuit of happiness....it'll find you ...but there are zillions of other options that offer better chances of success, enjoyment and fulfillment. Men are a buzz kill...you guys drop your women of years and replace them in a day by and large, and are not equipped with what really fulfills a woman for the most part. you're baby machines and we are overpopulated so find someone elses curtails to hang on to. you are all holding us back for the most part
Don't believe the empty promises. Just run as fast as you can. Women need to keep up their standards and stop settling for a guaranteed void. It's easy to love yourself. Go buy yourself a ring. At least it's the one you want. Lol. 😆 It's always a game. Don't do it unless you ready to play. 👀
Wow! This was meant for me to hear! I noticed I always initiate conversation with the guys I have a liking. Of course he replies but I felt it was one sided. I got to a point of being distant with him. I was putting in too much effort. He did noticed a change of less eye contact and not always running up to him to speak. Am I wrong of being distant all of a sudden because I got tired of the one sided of situation-ship? I’m glad to hear this message. Thank you.
Hell no you’re not wrong! I’m going through the exact same thing.. you get tired and frustrated after a while when the energy is not reciprocated, don’t waste your time on this specific person because there is someone out there that WILL put in effort.💙
The problem is that most men promise so much in the beginning, they talk and what this and after that they rune away. That’s when some women get confused and it’s get harder to let go because you think of all that things in the beginning. All those calls and messages. I would never ever do that even if I’m super interested in a guy. I don’t say much and see how it will go when we meet. And if I’m not feeling it and tell him that. He won’t get that disappointed because I didn’t talk bullshit. Be real and don’t play with other feelings. Unfortunately some men do,,,, of course some women to
i just had the talk with a guy that i recently confessed having feelings for -- he liked me, liked spending time with me but like you mentioned, not enough to make me a priority. he just wasn't in the headspace for dating or a commitment as he recently came out of a long term marriage. i'm so glad we had the talk and now we remain friends.
I have been an option. It wasn’t always that way. We were happy for many years. Then something changed. He started to treat me like an availability for lack of a better word. I blame myself in some ways because I forgave and overlooked so much, that it is little wonder he saw me as a ‘safety net’. Anyway, he walked out without a word the day after we had celebrated our ten year anniversary and had a great day. He has made little effort since. I get the feeling he thought I would be calling him begging him to come back, but I didn’t. I was broken for a few weeks and it was hard not to ask him to come back even though I knew I was just convenient. I have to be honest, the main thing that stopped me is the fact that our child would also be affected by my doing that. He would be in and out of our lives treating me like crap in between. I care about my child more than I care about myself or anyone else (obviously, as a mother should) and I was not gonna allow him to go through that. My baby is what kept me strong. It’s been about 6 weeks now. He hasn’t visited his child or paid a penny towards him. He didn’t even come when our child was diagnosed with autism. He had this mask that he would wear for the outside world showing himself to be a great father, well, that mask has been lost. He has many masks, his true face that was only shown behind closed doors was the most ugly and cruel. I’m not an option or a safety net anymore, I’m still healing but I’m staying strong for my son. I will continue to do so. Eventually my heart will heal. I’m never gonna be treated like that again. I’d rather be single forever. Maybe I will be? Who knows? The point is that we deserve better, each and every one of us female, male and non binary. Never be anyone’s convenience.
You should be so proud of yourself, stay strong and stay away, the best revenge is upgrading yourself. I hope you find true love because you deserve it ❤
Sometimes we will have to face this tragedy bcoz before right person gets aligned in our life this would happen we learn from our experiences & keep going ahead
Bro steve. I hv started watching your videos jus 2 wks ago and I'm absolutely in love with them. I'm watching from southern Africa Zimbabwe and I thank God for you. May you never cease to shine. We are blessed to have you in th land of the living. I have learnt a lot from you
When you are clear on what you want!!When you are solid on what type of woman you truly are. You will never allow a man not for one moment to treat you as an option. The moment you feel like he’s treating you like an option, you will have the courage to walk away and never look back even if you had real genuine feelings for the person. The love and respect you have for yourself will allow you to make the best decision for your highest good.❤❤❤
I gave him my number but he will message me through social media only and has only been reaching out at night , I just don’t want to waste my time or mislead my thoughts as well maybe I need to reAd between the lines
5:25 ....im sorry , Mr. Stephan, but if it does not come out of him , NATURALLY, I am not going to do anything about it and ima be,....next, and I just turn the page.
OMG!!! Straight to the point. I love it. My question is, why do they say they're comfortable NOT talking to you, but yet they still want to keep you around??