If Republicans Said the Quiet Parts Loud About the Bible 

If you carry this on much longer, you risk actually getting elected.

The ultimate irony is if a Republican actually gave this speech they would get a standing ovation and the crowd would start chanting "We're good! We're right!"

My favorite part of the bible is the bit where Jesus makes fun of the people who show off their religiosity in public to get a special place in society.

This is 1/3 funny and 2/3 terrifying.

What were the "quite" parts? This sounded too much like a typical MAGA republican speech.

GOP 2008: Welcome, bigots! GOP 2016: How did nazis take over the party all of a sudden?

"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, the wise as false, and the rulers as useful." - Seneca

The way you fondled that Bible was unsettling. Good job.

Personally, I'd have gone with: Fraternal American Society of Christians for Implementing the Sovereign Testament

The genius of this monologue is that it's written in the exact cadences that preachers and God-pimping politicians use in these situations. The up-welling patriotic oratory, the sudden hushed, reverent, even teary declarations of love and gratitude, then a shock-and-awe screaming rant about thunderous retribution, then back to coda and you do it all over. Seriously. Watch one of these guys in action. Steve has completely nailed it.

Spot on. As a Christian, it absolutely infuriates me how these people use a book that teaches the opposite of their beliefs to justify their bigotry. Even if you look at the provisions supposedly "condemning" gay people, there's a complete lack of understanding how to read context, language, etc. combined with horrible translation errors). Not to mention complete disregard for the fact that their own doctrine states Jesus abolished the Old Testament law.

Listing the "female orgasm" as one of things that's no longer called a sin and then, much later, calling out that only their wives understand how you "biblically know the bible" - very well done.

Satire is dead. This is so on point it's not even a lampoon. Sweet Christmas!

This is scarily brilliant. If Steve ever became a Republican, the Dems would be in serious trouble. He comes across a genuine demigogue and believes in what he is saying. It just goes to show how shallow their speeches actually are.

I used to be a janitor for a Catholic school and this dude is spot on!

Honestly if a republican politician gave a speech like this in front of conservative voters, they'd fall in line and get behind it anyway because they also respond to "strong" leadership. We've all heard conservative commentary, they like when someone speaks confidently and "tells it like it is"

I have an uncle that really needs to hear this but if he knew I sent it to him I think he'd become violent...

"Fraternal American Trust of Christians Outspoken for Certitude Knowledge and Sensibility" ISWYDT

Love these. It's SO telling how Republicans are too scared to comment on any of these videos, they don't want to touch these videos.

And this is why church attendance is down.

The Fraternal American Trust of Christians Outspoken for Certitude, Knowledge & Sensibility, A.K.A. the F.A.T. C.O.C.K.S.

I was going to ask if this speech was hard to write. But when I thought about the subject matter I realised that it practically wrote itself.

Religious bigotry is still bigotry.

"Jesus was just like me, a free market capitalist." That needs to go on a t-shirt

In case it wasn't obvious, everything the Republican said about God in the Constitution and Pledge of Allegiance was wrong. I kept expecting that to be made explicit.

Guarantee there are Republicans out there who haven’t seen a single Steve video, who would watch this and go “Damn, that guy seems pretty great! Talks a lotta sense! Hope he runs in the next election!” They’d sit there and listen to him insult them to their faces over and over again and “This guy’s very honest. Speaks what’s on his mind with no filter. I like that in a leader.” I mean, that’s basically what they do when they watch Star Trek.

If the God of the Christian Bible existed, I think he would smit the conservative Christians a long time ago for soiling his name.

Loved the dark blue suit, the red tie and the bad hair.The only thing missing was the fake orange tan. 😂

The "LGBTQIABC123 times up"Is actually a really clever turn of phrase. I honestly wouldn't be surprised to hear bigots start using it.

God is my price savior, and the flag is what I use to blind myself from the issues that matter. Ignorance is Bliss!

My bestie who's completely secular, never been to church, never read the bible, and gives zero f@cks about religion told me she couldn't imagine me "praying" the other day. This turned into a conversation about my ten or so years of being a Baptist, a period that was ended by my actually reading the bible. I started telling her the specific parts of the bible that smashed my faith and caused me to become an atheist. She was absolutely speechless when it came to some of the horrifying crap in that book. Kept asking me "how do Christians justify this stuff?" I had to tell her that most Christians haven't read the bible and are only familiar with the bits cherry picked by their pastor for sermons. She couldn't believe for instance, that anyone would still be Christian knowing the whole bit where Lot tells the mob not to "hurt" the two angels disguised as men, but to take his daughters instead! It's just interesting how a normal person who has never been religious reacts to some of this stuff.

You should run for Congress. You'd probably win if you're in a red district.

Steve you made a video about the hypocrisy, selfishness, and cynicism of Christian conservatives on my birthday - Iøm really lucky.

Been watching these "if they said the quiet part videos" for awhile and I'm pretty sure that if a Republican said this one word for word they would win the evangelical vote

This was accurate enough to make me think that autoplay dumped me into the wrong side of RU-vid for a minute. Well done.

I’m a recovering Catholic myself, it’s all nonsense. I don’t have a problem with people having faith but only to the point of reason which they go past every time.

I would *love* to see this character in a sketch with Miss Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian. Former Calvinist here, lol. Proud gay pagan polyamorous socialist now.

I was watching this when a coworker walked in. Steve was in the middle of one of the “sincere” bits (where he was talking about how America is a Christian nation) and it took a minute before my coworker asked, “Is this satire?”

As a former Pentecostal minister and Republican, you nailed! 🎉. Well done!

You would make an outstanding televangelist, and I'm not sure if this fact is hilarious, terrifying, or both.

😱 This just gave me the worst anxiety. I realize that this is not the same thing, but it reminded me of when I needed to move my mother's car if I had to go somewhere. It never failed that as soon as the car started, my ears would be assaulted by a static Christian radio station at full blast with either James Dobson or some nut job preacher screaming about being persecuted or begging for donations. Or scare mongering about the rapture. Ok, I gotta go take a few deep calming breaths now. 😵‍💫

That bible got more action than I had in a long time!

Behind The Bastards (Podcast) did a great few episodes of how American Christianity went from generally socialist at the turn of the 19th/20th century to, well, this hysterical hypocritical insanity.

There are only 3 sins: treating people like objects, crediting systemic outcomes (good or bad) to the actions of individuals, and wasting food.

If they did say the quiet part out loud, how many voters would they actually lose? They might even go up.

I watched a video about 30 years ago that talked about the founding fathers and that the vast majority of them were atheist but knew they needed to somehow keep it separate from politics. At least they tried! Great job Steve 👏!

I'm just impressed he can get through this whole thing with gusto and commitment, and NOT vomit at least once.

At first I was thinking this felt a little too real, then it got to the bit where a right-wing politician found the spot an I felt like we were back in fiction territory again. Phew.

Boy I really hope Steve has a soundproof studio.

Never read the Bible, but he knows and loves him some Revelation.

Oh man...that last part was so on the mark it left me in a state of discomfort. The implications of exactly how true that quote is in this context is genuinely terrifying.

Fraternal American Trust of Christians Outspoken for Certitude, Knowledge, and Sensibility is a fun acronym easter egg

As a Christian, but not a Trumpster, there are many truth bombs in this video.

"Useful' is probably the most concise, accurate description of religion I have heard.

Tell you what, Steve: your little tirade took me back to my senior year in high school, our production of _Finian's Rainbow,_ and a similar rant offered by one of the characters in that piece: _Gentlemen, the festering tides of radicalism are upon us. But before I yield up our glorious South -and her sister commowealth, the U.S. of A - I will lay down my life. I will do more - I will filibuster. Back, you crackpots! Forward, America! Forward to the hallowed principles of our forefathers. Forward to the sweet tranquility of the status quo. Forward... to yesterday!_ -- Senator Billboard Rawkins Different bigotry, but the same idea, really.

Ok, so a bit of your speech I really enjoyed and appreciated and, as you were reciting it, I thought, "Wait a minute, I don't think that's right..." I went up and looked to see if god is mentioned in the US Constitution, nope. And the phrase, "In God We Trust" and the pledge of allegiance was not something the 'founding fathers' came up with seeing as they were added late in the 19th century. Then there are all the nonsensical stuff your character mentioned like how god decided Islam was evil... even though, in the Abrahamic religions, all the gods are the same. Brilliant stuff!

What's amusing is that a devout Christian conservative will watch this and 'believe' this just based on tone. They won't even recognize the sarcasm.

Ok as an Exvangelical I gotta say this was your best work yet! You nailed it!!

Steve, I am glad you're on our side.

Oh, to hack a teleprompter at CPAC with this speech. I’m thinking Lauren Boebert, maybe Ben Carson.

The funniest part is that we have historical evidence that the modern 'old testament' part of the bible doesn't even look much like one would have originally as things were added and removed. A lot of the condemning of people who were different (gay, women as lesser, etc) comes from those additions done by biggest who managed to get control of the early church at least a few different times.

If you didn't tell them it was satire, they'd cheer for this guy.

I was listening while making breakfast and the fondling shook me awake 😂

I love this so much. Thanks, Steve😂😂 This is is absolutely brilliant.

Church attendance totally makes sense being down now. Why go to church if you get your sermons on a daily basis from politicians?

I’ve been down a recent rabbit hole about Independent Fundamental Baptist churches. I grew up in a similar church/school/friend group. It’s amazing how even the people who don’t know they’re being controlled manipulate others to keep the power structure

That wig... that wig! 🤣Just as funny as the person it sits atop.

You are scarily good at this.

Almost perfect. That last part where you pick the bible back up shoulda held it upside down. Just my 2 cents.

I treat the old testament as 'angry young god with angst who wants to smite everyone' and the new testament as 'more focused god who has changed his mind and wants only to smite the powerful and give to the poor'.

One of the things that get me about the Christian nationalists is that all levers of government are dominated by Christians. So... since it can't be about Christians being in charge, is it about my type of christian? My actual religion imposed on people (which they'd deny)? My flavorite brand of christian values dominating? I don't think most of them think that far beyond gut reactions about change and loss of privilege, but the rhetorical question is out there

Woe to the hypocrites, that's Greek for bad actors, and woe to the false prophets who blaspheme in his name. Yeah, the neo cons are not going to get their reward in heaven.

Thanks for expressing the depth of my digust and bitterness, so articulately. If I said any more, my comments would start getting deleted, again.

This is literally just the homelander bit in season one where he’s at that religious event

May the algo bless this vid with the views your channel truly deserves

I just hope Steve is doing these as parodies and not raising an army of knuckle-dragging bible-thumpers.

Man, this is outstanding. The writing and the performance. Tour de force.

I did not see the quote from Revelations at the end coming, but it was very nicely done.

Man Steve, you’re too good at this! Do you ever throw up a little in your mouth when you do these skits?

Very weird done. I like the red horse at the end. Nice touch.

You have out done yourself again. Well done sir. As unsettling as it is

This is so fantastic! The end was simply perfect!

I was not expecting to need to file one of your videos under “erotica,” but here we are.

So I figure we’ve got what like six weeks before we can all enjoy this again when Atheist channels like Sir Sic, Viced Rhino, TheSkepTick, Professor Plink, etc. release response videos to all the bat-sh*t crazy Christian meltdown videos we’re about to get from this. Great Job Steve 👍 Thanks for the awesome birthday present!

The quiet part is that they've never read the Bible.

You do this a little too well, Steve. You could pull off carreer as a preacher quite well or as a carnival barker l, but I repeat myself.

The "Bible" should henceforth be called "The Goat Herders Guide to the Galaxy" instead.

Steve you are brilliant.....don"t ever stop!

Devote GOP women are with you because their husband said so.

Speak the word brother Steve.

I think this is the second time I’ve hoped sincerely for an epic collab between Quiet Part Out Loud Steve and Mrs. Betty Bowers, because talk about a power couple! Though I do have slight qualms that the result could be a spontaneous generation of the Ultimate Cult, so… Nah, it’d still be worth it.

That was astonishing!! Wow! I'm speechless. Great!

This is so spot on it's scary. It is honestly like a flashback to my Baptist days.

I'm going to have to watch that again. It was f****** hilarious

Love you're work ! Greatly appreciated.❤

Wow. Sharing this all over the universe. Well done sir! Well done!

I brought up the same points in an argument i had with someone that wouldnt stop trying to preach to me.

yeah, that last line was a bit chilling. well done as always ;p

Well written, Sir.

Amen! Preach it, Brother!