the other day my partner told me "I like to miss you, It's like another feeling I have for you. And then when I finally see you, I feel like I love you more" and I can totally tell :)
Romance can only develop in the space created. Not when a couple are constantly together. People should be secure enough to spend time apart. Only 10% of your happiness should come from a partner. 90% from you.
@@kalokagatija3368 Worst line in cinematic history. No one should complete anyone. Everyone knows this...whether they openly acknowledge it or not. We complete ourselves. The line should have been "You COMPLEMENT me."
I don’t know if anyone will understand this. I’ve noticed that I feel a deep sense of love every time I look at my cat. I think that is partly due to the fact that while at times he will cuddle with me to the point that I want to push him away. Most of the time, he is doing his own thing and doesn’t want to even be disturbed. That’s when I crave a cuddle most. Is this as Mathew suggests here that while he does his own thing, I miss him and respect him more. I know this sounds cat crazy. However, I feel there is something to learn from my Cat.
Op nailed it. Affection from her cat is valuable... *Because*... It is scarce. If her car was affectionate all the time... It wouldn't be valuable, and instead she would *feel* like her cat was a leach, who was always asking her for cuddles... Rather than an independent creature, who would occasionally consent to *provide* cuddles to her. The same behavior (cuddling) can be seen as a resource or a drain... Based on the scarcity of it.
Actually, when you find the right person you will feel calm and will not feel the need to prove you are lovable by investing to much because they will give you a calm feeling of knowing you are loved. Good luck all!
oooh thanks so much for this comment ! I was a little bit annoyed by the "you need to be so independant and be successful and have your passion " blablabla. It seems so overwhelming. Of course no one is attracted by someone who has an empty life but I don't think we need to be SO over-the-top and successful right?
@@auroraborealis6398 Somebody who is "successful" and "independent" probably doesn't care about you or have time for you anyways. I think normal is probably most attractive in the long run. No healthy person needs to asser their independence, they take the steps to preserve it naturally. :) And have no problem giving their time to you. My ex was like that because of her prior relationship where she lost herself.. now she swung to the polar opposite.
@@hgzmatt yeah, that seems more likely. Because other wise a lot of people would stay single ^^ understandable for your ex, I've seen that a lot in people, even with food or other stuff. They junkfood and then they become extremely healthy for a while, rejecting anything that is not 100% healthy
I think being emotional and not overthinking the relationship won't ruin a relationship that is willing to work. It will only accelerate the end of the ones who aren't meant to be.
As a guy who dated many girls, I would say, Invest in yourself. Make yourself a priority (Unless you have children then make them priority). From my experience, I feel unattracted to women who invest so much in me because it kinda show them as needy. Truth hurts yeah but again you girls would be turned off if a guy gives you ALL his attention all day. It's a sign that the guy has no passion, hobby or anything going on for himself other than clinging on you.
No one invests all his/her attention on another person 🤣 unless the person is unemployed and not at school either. When u invest in your partner, u r still investing in yourself l. Cuz relationship is a part of your life. The point is to identify who is not worth investing. For example, guys who prefer girls who just simply dun like them, dun reply them, dun give them attention? 🤣
I think I lost guys every time because I flood them with my emotions and love and devotion. lost the guy I really wanted because I choose to be sincere
vintagedesigner Me too. It’s still too early to know if I completely lost him or not but he is ignoring me for the first time since we started dating. It’s only been 24 hours but that is the longest he has ever went not talking so now I feel silly. I did way too much too fast. Back to the drawing board I guess.
Please don't feel like you overwhelmed them. It may just mean they weren't mature enough to handle it. Especially if you backed off based on their signals and didn't continue to bombard them. 💜
I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 6 years, we live together and I still use this advice to keep the desire alive. We do our own things for work and so on and then it creates that tension for when we see each other next and makes us want to spend some quality 1 on 1 time. Just wanted to make that point that this advice can be useful even after it’s become long term.
@@lunarose9042 It should be…why be in a relationship for 6 years with nothing to show for it? Not a last name, not a child (at least in wedlock), no assets together, let alone not doing it under God’s covenant if they are a believer. That sounds very stressful to me
What you are talking about is insecure attachment. Both men and women would benefit so much by understanding attachment theory and understanding their own attachment style. Without it, it's impossible to break out of self defeating patterns of behaviour in dating and relationships. Amir Levine's 'Attached' is the best resource and entry point to understanding adult attachment.
I have waited a whole year (almost) before going into a relationship. And for the first time in a loooong time, when I am together with a guy - I can also feel a need to pull back, focus on myself, my future, my goals, my aspirations etc. It is so refreshing and a relief! I am not dependent on this person because I have hobbies and passion for other things as well. I am not even head over heels in him - yet. I am leaning back a little, teying to see what he comes up with, let him take the lead as much as I can and my emotions allow me 😉 After all, a relationship is a two-way street. I am very grateful for your videos Matthew, you always bring something of value to the table. Thank you for that 😇
I do the same! And when I'm with that special person I am the greatest person I can be and that is truly deeply attractive!! But there's an inner force that always keeps your attention coming back to yourself once you learn to love yourself and to take care of you so that you can bring the best to the table when it comes to other relationships.
I’m seeing a guy and he’s so nice to me.. I’m not used to this level of gentlemanliness. I watched a lot of your videos and they have helped me to accept that I actually deserve to be treated like an absolute queen. I’m pumping the breaks because he’s a total catch, being honest and vulnerable.. it’s been a total game changer. I refuse to erode the time I spend on myself.. this is new for me.. again.. wow 👌 Thank you for all your insight 😘
Dated someone recently who treated me so nice and was such a gentleman that I was blown away by him completely. Even his level of honestly, vulnerability and consideration for my needs was incredible. Dating in today's society has been so emotionally draining because most men don't care at all. It's been an eye opener to be treated with kindness and respect again. This man may not be my forever partner but he will always remain a cherished soul in my life for bringing hope back into my heart. ❤
I love that man. I literally was just in my head on this subject “am I giving too much too fast?” “Is this why it feels like things are slowing down?” And then this popped up in my notifications!! Matthew Hussey the angel genie! 🧞♂️
I did everything that you said in my first relationship, Matthew. It took me 6 years to realise how much I gave up because of that feeling that this realishionship is all I ever needed. I agree completly on that you shouldn't loose the things that make you YOU.
This is what I needed, this new guy i'm dating he's really patient with me and I did notice that I am requiring way to much of him two soon because I really like him and can tell he really likes me back. I want to see him all the time and talk to him but its not logical we have responsibilities and I have to let go and let it grow naturally. THANK YOU MATT!
What I take from this: keep your identity separate as it gives interest to the relationship. The old saying - 'distance makes the heart grow fonder' is now 'distance creates desire' - all true in my opinion. Distance also gives you something to discuss from your day, it creates excitement too. A very important topic Matthew. Thanks.
GIRL, isn't it great just being able to search for a topic in his videos? I always feel so much better (and sometimes a little silly) after watching them. Hahaha. I think the reason I struggle with this particular thing so much is because I don't want to push them away and lose them, so I go to the other end and over-attach too much. Work in progress, for sure!
Honestly, this video is like 20 others that I have seen from him. But I am a man an 99% logic. I could prove it too if it comes to that but just trust me.
Wow, this came at the perfect time. Needed this one to open up my eyes. I was in self destruct mode because I was SO wrapped up in him and losing myself. I was making myself crazy and losing what makes me who I am! It was ruining our relationship. We're teetering on the brink of a breakup. I'm hoping he'll be open to continuing and working on it.
I did the same, but we talked about it in length. Then he still texted me and called me the next day. I have completely stepped back and am focussing on the great life I had before I met him. Only time will tell if it's too little too late. I've only been seeing him for 7 weeks, there is no label on this yet, so I am also entertaining meeting other people. Life goes on. I'm not waiting for him.
I just lost the best girl in my life because I did all of this. You honestly have changed my life because I watched this video everyday for weeks straight. Thank you.
But also when you are truly in love with someone , it shouldn't make a difference how much or how little time you spend together because you can have an unspoken understanding when can't be together 🙂
I was experiencing with investing too much time and energy in a man I loved at the first sight. It didn’t work out that way because he pulled back. I’m trapped in a friend zone now but I’m happy with it. I don’t want to be with a man who is not sure what he wants. Thank you for all valuable advices, Matthew ❤️
Giving too much too soon has been a behavior I have struggled with. And since I have been watching your videos I have been wondering how to find the middle ground of giving enough of myself without becoming over-involved in him and letting my emotions getting the best of me. Now I get it..sort of..lol
Nichole omg I feel you ! I’m in the same boat ! After all the videos , I over analyse and find I hold myself back too much, trying to “play it” or giving way to much to soon ! Looking for the middle grown ! In the end I just need to find my core confidante and happiness , and let the situation flow
Being carried away is not a bad thing but if you do it with a toxic person then you put yourself in danger. Be sure that person is not trying to be with you for wrong reasons first
I’ve been there too. I was with my ex 2 months and we both invested too quickly. We loved each other we really did and everything felt right but we went too fast. It ended up not working out. He broke up with me. I’m sad about it but I have no regrets. I learned from the relationship. He showed me how I deserve to be treated and what love feels like. I’ll always be grateful for that.
I vote for longer videos, love to see all the concepts you taught in the past put together and create a story that I'm sure reflects most people's new relationships. This was awesome!!
I totally relate! Thanks ! When I start liking someone I totally get overwhelming by thinking about him, and I lose myself. Learning to control one’s emotions and keeping grounded is keey! Thanks
The man...he doesnt into you. How much you take slow or invesr fast. Its nothing at all. You invest and know early better than spent time with him and regrets later. But this is a good lesson for next chapter.
I understand now. I thought that spending time almost everyday, was always fun, getting to know one another. Especially in the beginning in a relationship. I never thought of the idea that maybe spending so much time together that the sparks would slowly fade. That we would need to have time apart, so the next time we can rekindle the spark, or the fact that when we started to together that what the my were attractive to us was the time that we were doing, or hobbies, or interest, and we slowly stopped to be invested in our relationship. I learned a lot in this video. Thank you so much.
I told my dream date that I was busy (and he should give me more notice next time) when he DMd me the day after my birthday asking to go out for dinner that night. I wasn't busy, I was home alone watching Netflix and eating the rest of my birthday cake 😂 The important bit? I wasn't playing a mind game, and I wasn't punishing myself by fighting against any strong emotional urges. I simply wasn't ready to see him at such short notice and I was more comfortable doing my own thing that day. I simply trusted that he wouldn't be put off by my aloofness (the absolute opposite in fact) and would put more care into respecting my time in future, which he did. We're still seeing each other, but we're independent of each other and keep our own lives moving along as before. It keeps things fresh and exciting when we do get together and he respects that I'm not a pushover. Don't ever use anyone to validate how you feel about yourself. You should always *compliment* rather than complete each other. Keep the scales balanced. This is the art of Not Giving A F*ck and it's taken me 30 years to learn it. The faster you can master this, the happier your life will be, I promise! 💜
But it's not fun because most people are holding back and are wounded, scared, and inauthentic because of it. I feel like the black sheep for going out each day, talking to people, and being happy. I actually want to know others and have them know me.
Veronica Haney it's the human condition I guess. Where I work it's a very niche environment/culture so I've gotten in the habit of being open with people and getting to know everybody. I used to be closed up before that.
You’ve always been one of the ‘relationship advice’ you tubers that I’ve felt was genuine and realistic, hearing you address the issue of ‘over analyzing’ and taking some responsibility for it was honestly one of the most memorable things I’ve heard. The fact that you are real and that you are aware of your viewers and their actual real life circumstances after implementing your advice is commendable and the fact that you shouldered some blame (unnecessary in my opinion, we are grown ass adults with free will) is outstanding and totally impressive. You’re authenticity, in my opinion, was refreshing and you deserve lots of shine for taking the time to care and then start prepare.
MATTHEW....I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS AND ESPECIALLY THIS ONE !!! TY FOR POSTING IT. IM SGE 50yrs WITH NO CHILDREN AND A WIDOW OF 4yrs. I MET MY HUSBAND ONLINE IN '95 WHEN I WAS 27yrs AND HE WAS 35yrs. WE FELL IN LOVE VERY QUICKLY WITH HIM KNOWING FIRST BUT BEING A BIT CAUTIOUS BECAUSE HE HAD BEEN DIVORCED A FEW YEARS EARLIER WITH NO CHILDREN. SHE HAD LEFT HIM AND USED HIM FOR MONEY. WE DATED LONG DISTANCE FOR A YEAR BEFORE I MOVED IN WITH HIM. WE GOT ENGAGED ONE YEAR LATER AND ACTUALLY MARRIED IN 2003. WE HAD A VERY HAPPY, FAITHFUL, STRONG MARRIAGE AND WE WERE EACH OTHERS BEST FRIENDS. UNFORTUNATELY AT AGE 54yrs....HE WAS ON VACATION FROM WORK AND AT HOME WHILE I WAS OUT OF TOWN VISITING FAMILY. I COULDN'T GET HIM TO ANSWER THE PHONE ALL ONE NIGHT WHILE I WAS AT HOTEL AND THAT WAS NOT LIKE HIM, I BEGAN TO PANIC. I CALLED SHERIFF'S IN OUR AREA AND HAD THEM BREAK INTO OUR HOME WHERE THEY FOUND HIM DECEASED FROM A HEART ATTACK. THAT WAS JAN. 10,2015. MY LIFE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN. I THEN LEARND THE VALUABLE LESSON OF ALWAYS TELLING SOMEONE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM WHEN YOU DO. EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS....BECAUSE TOMORROW ISNT PROMISED. THANK GOODNESS THOSE WERE MY LAST WORDS TO MY HUSBAND THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM. ITS BEEN FOUR YEARS AND ILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM, HE WAS 20yrs OF MY LIFE. BUT IM READY TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. BUT I FIND THAT MEN ARE NOT OPEN TO THIS EXPRESSION OF FEELING AND THIS BOTHERS ME. THEY SEEM TO BE LOOKING FOR MORE CASUAL SEX AND THEN WANT TO MOVE ON. THATS NOT ME OR MY VALUES. IM GETTING FRUSTRATED, RESENTFUL OF MEN, I CANT TRUST, AND JUST PLAIN LOSING HOPE THAT ILL EVER BE HAPPY AGAIN. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE. HELP!!!! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG. ??? I JUST WANT RESPECT, FAITHFULNESS, COMMUNICATION, AND A GOOD GUY. SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG..... THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK AND SUCH A WARM PERSON. 😊🙏
Melissa, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. It sounds like you had an amazing relationship with him and that you're ready to be happy again. I know how crazy the dating world is and sometimes it seems like there are no men out there who share the same values and desire the same type of relationship. Continue to be very clear about what you want from a man/relationship and then cultivate that within yourself. If you want a man who is respectful, faithful, and a good communicator, be sure that you exhibit those qualities. Love and respect yourself, communicate your needs, and have faith that you will attract a high quality man who is comfortable expressing his feelings. I know he is out there and the Universe will bring you together when you are both ready. Best wishes to you
@@karencostello587 THANK YOU for you very kind words. There are days when I just want to give up hope. But you are very right. I will keep your advice tucked away in the back of my mind and also in my heart. I won't give up. Take care and enjoy your holiday season that is approaching! 😊
@@melissaannoylerryan3048 I love to hear you say that you won't give up. Enjoy the holidays also. Keep an open heart...magic is coming your way...just have faith!
I wish so much I had seen this video and some of your other videos before I went into my previous relationship. I truly feel it would have saved my relationship and prevented me from getting my heartbroken in such a profound way I’m still not over it a year later. I made exactly these mistakes, all with the best intentions in my heart, not realizing they were in fact being counterproductive to what I intended. I guess lessons learned, and I’m so grateful I have now seen these videos because I know I will take them with me into my next partnership and have a much better, healthier relationship ❤️
E S I feel you😊 I keep asking myself if I actually made the right decision. Well what happened, happened. I personally can't go back to him asking for another chance, we agreed not to get back together if we breakup since our first date, so no way to go back. But I can at least take lesson from it and do better in the next relationship😊
I hate having to figure things like this out at my age. Everything is far too complicated. I think we have deified independence and self while devaluing family and marriage, to the point that love and desire are viewed as weakness.
I am a very emotional sensitive person. Its in my genes to go out of my way and care for others and hurts so much to see people around change the very notion of love completely today. I never really understood until I saw this video! This video literally spoke to my heart!
I definitely had to learn the hard way to pull back and be more logical. I’m a planner and like to place things in boxes just like my time and relationship. 🤷🏻♀️
I got married in 2 months and then discovered I did not like the guy I discovered in the next 6 months. If I waited I would have not married him. Holding back is helping me to wait and see the true person.
Very much agree with you Matthew that pleasing someone all the time could create a selfish relationship. We should always know when to say NO or say what we like or want. It's part of getting to know each other right?
You definitely have to give people time to miss you and Vise versa. I put my man on a pedestal and make sure I always let him know I only have eyes for him. Yes, he struggles with believing that sometimes but as time goes by it gets easier and easier to believe based on patterns. I even struggle with it sometimes, thinking hes up to no good. You just have to be thoughtful and understanding. If you cant be then you're in a relationship you shouldn't be in. Because when you really like someone you figure it out. You cant really like someone unless you know they really like you. Life is too short to waste time and hurt yourself. I know I had to be right with myself before I'd ever be right with anyone else. Self reflect. Be cool. Be real. Be happy.
Nicholas Binaco not necessarily.. Everyone has their own pace. She's taking her time knowing herself..it's a continuous process of learning. Stop judging.
Sorry to break it to you but you're either not learning a thing or his advice sucks. You're in your prime, you look like a 8 or 9 in that photo so you should have no shortage of pretenders. My guess is you're going with the confident outspoken players and not givin a chance to the career focused guys that would want a good independent wife to share a life. Players only seam that confident cause for them it's a game of numbers. I been one at a point, you get rejected you just move on to the next mark so you're never too awkward because you have no stake in it. Don't take this as an insult. It's meant as a kick in the butt to get things moving along ;). At best you have 7 years left in the stage men find women marriage material. Past that point you're bound to be a cougar and stay single or, at best, have a childless marriage.
LOL the fucking AUDACITY. why do you think youre good enough to comment on someone's appearance & give them a score/age them? Please take a look at yourself in the mirror & secondly, attraction/beauty lasts long term only from within. despite that, shes really beautiful & its admiring to see someone seek advice and work on self-improvement so please leave if youre not interested :)
I agree that when other people are involved, as well as your own safety when you’re by yourself, harnessing your emotions is important. Diplomacy is critical when more than one person is in the picture.
I’m dating a really great guy. My RU-vid Channel is what attracted him to me. I’m realizing I stopped being consistent on on my channel because I really like him and I love talking to him🥺🤦🏾♀️ I gotta get back on!
When it comes to time apart, it happens naturally with my boyfriend and I as we both have full-time jobs, so we can't really see each other more than 2-3 times a week for dinner. We're still in the 'honeymoon phase', so my emotions definitely say we want to be glued together 24/7, but it's probably for the best that we're not.
@@luckyduckydaisyflower2344 We did not stay together haha However I'm still within the mindset that it's a good idea to only see your partner about twice/week until you move in together.
I wish I could apply these tips to my situation but since 2018, every person I tried to date only wanted to see me once a month. And I was made to feel like that wanting to see someone more than once was doing too much and trying to take too much of their time. If a month goes by and a man doesn't want to see me, but claims he is so so so into me, I begin to check out and am no longer interested in a relationship depending on the underlying circumstances. Even if I saw someone daily, I'd still be doing my own thing. Relationships don't stop me from doing my hobbies. Focusing on a career. Starting up my second career. Upkeeping my home. So to me it's never a big deal that anyone wants to spend time with me. I no longer meet men who too know how to juggle and balance their love life.
You are right Mathew, it's amazing how wise you're turning by the mere fact of your work on relationships, observing, listening, paying attention. And it's true that this balance of emotion and logic is the golden key in every aspect of life: love, family, work, community, self, otherness. Thank you so much!
Mathew inspires people all around to be the shiniest and best versions of themselves - no matter they are looking for relationships or are in one or don't even want one. Also, I love how dramatic he is. 😏
Haha that's me. My friends criticizes me saying that I am playing games with the men I date, not being emotional etc..But ı tell them ı am doing this with a good intention and for a more romantic relationship :) they have trouble to get my purpose and think about me a mean girl. Actually, as it seem it is a bad or unemotional move it is resulted in more romantical ways and I benefited my logic and my man also loved that made him more invested and happy.
I don't know the likelihood of you seeing this, but thank you. Thank you for making such sincere and loving content. You truly add value to people's lives including mine. This youtube channel has been so amazing to be a part of, and that is because you are not BSing anything. You truly want to help people and you do. You don't hold back critical info so you can get more people in on your retreats, you share as much as you possibly can in your videos. I probably won't ever get to be a part of your retreat program (though I would love to) but I will be a life-long subscriber to your channel. You are genuine, you care, and you want to help as many people as you possibly can. It shows. Thank you for all that you do.
Wow. Couldn't be more of an ironic time for me to watch this video. Having some hard, emotional recent days having zero to do with the opposite sex or relationships, just life, but just like you said it can apply to any other aspect as well. Thank you!
You have a maturity about your content that far surpasses other relationship mentors. I’ve learned so much from you in the past year; I’m not quite ready for the retreat program. I’m still working on some rough edges. Thank you just doesn’t seem enough to extend my gratitude for the information you provide. May you have continued success!
Approaching any type of relationship from these perspectives will create space for people to come to you. Classes on life skills, relationships and personal empowerment should be taught in schools. Thank you for the guidance, Matthew 👍
Everything is about balance no matter how much you’re attracted by him. U give if u want and enjoy being a giver. But if he is not reciprocating in the same pace u pause and observe. Let him miss u while u are doing your things but give quality conservation every time
Sooo, what do i do if i have it the other way around? I like a guy, i suggest i like him and he goes craaaazy... i feel like i havent earned it and i lose interest because he seems desperate. So i end up being attracted to the non-commital types because they dont suffocate me. (But they also dont give me the commitment i want EVENTUALLY.)
Omg that happened to me so many times ! That’s when it’s not the opposite and I give too much once I actually like a guy ! God it’s difficult for the ones that wear their heart on their sleeve !
Sassi Neri~It means you don't know what you truly want. A woman who truly know what she wants won't have a problem with guys who invest too much, too fast, and she also won't have a problem with guys who invest too little or none at all. She will know to find a guy who is balance, a guy who is high quality, a guy that knows himself and won't worshipped at your feet but will also be open to a committed relationship. Guys that are balance exists. You just have to know yourself enough to weed through all the far left and the far right, to find the in between. A woman who truly knows herself and what she wants will never have a problem like this. Because she will recognised it for what it is from the beginning. It always comes down to you. To yourself. *Know thyself.* When you know thyself, the world falls into place. *You are the master of your own fate. You are the captain of your own soul, your own future.*
Matthew this is fantastic. When my emotions run away with me it is a recipe for disaster! Emotions without boundaries are like 2 year olds acting like parents. Needless to say I recently experienced this and unchecked created a lot of fear! I appreciated this video because once again I am reminded to pick myself up by my britches and get a hold of myself because ultimately I desire to experience healthy relationships in all areas of my life.
I think the key before jumping into a relationship is to find balance and alignment within ourselves, then we won't strugle with logic vs emotion because we would be doing with our new partner everything that would be guided by our own right intuition, where fear and confusion don't interfere. 😌🤪💙
I think most of the few times I've felt rejected it was because I avoided getting carried away too quickly. 36 yrs old and I wish I could go back to that. Yet when I was in my 20's I'd really let it happen and just end up feeling used. So, get carried away but keep your health in mind. Sounds easy but takes effort.
I'm lucky to have found a partner who felt the same way as I did. We both fell super fast, and established a relationship very very fast. We got emotional and serious in just a week. We rode the emotions and nurtured it, relished in it, entertained it, while here and there we put a little reason in, we talk about our concerns logically, realistically. It's just. We know it's a balancing act, but we gladly do it everyday si things do not go out of hand. Communication is vital in a relationship, and making sure you are in the same page. Whether it's emotional or logical communication, it's important. Say what you are feeling and thinking but do it in a compassionate way, especially when you are hurt. Don't go roundabout, be straightforward and respectful.
Thank you Matthew.. That was the most insightful and empowering video. I always go into a relationship /friendship with my emotions at the wheel, especially as I'm getting older... I'm a huge people pleaser, and I care so much for others and their feelings.. and it's the combination of these things that allow my emotions to take over, and basically ensure the new person runs (screaming into the night lol)... Anyway, thank you again.. I really hope I can turn things round
I always allowed my emotions to decide my actions for 1.5 years. During this time, we would have great time and after few months he would just go off. Since we broke up last time, it took me almost a year to get over him, when he finally showed up back this year saying he want to be together and we dated for 3 months again. Being tired of trying hard to always please him, I decided to be logical this time(first time ever). He used to text me everyday, then eventually decreased to few times in a week. After after 2 weeks of coldness, he wanted to see me. I didn't said "YES" cz I wanted to know badly what he isn't investing back. We ended up breaking up yesterday because I saw a very Cruel side of him and stuff he said was shocking. I loved him more than anything, but he was just there to get a sense of togetherness not because he loved me. It's a lot of pain to deal with.
I would love to see a video on how to deal with relationships based on the different temperaments: Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, Phlegmatic. I'm a Sanguine person so validation from people really matter to me as compared to other temperaments but each temperament has its pros and cons. As for me, Sanguine people tend to look towards the positive side so even if I don't get what I want, I know there's always a rainbow after the rain. :)
I got bpd, every emotion i feel is like 10x more intense. Not that that’s an excuse but it does make controlling emotions a lot harder. I feel so blessed to come across your vids because you explain so clearly and simply how to break unhealthy habits.
Thank you so much, Matthew! Omg, you've just described literally all of my mistakes that I've made in the past 😝 Didn't know till now what in the hell I do wrong, gained clarity👍😇
In the beginning of the relationship you can say what you want to eat, what you want to do, what you want to watch, all of your preferences but if you are with a taker, they are going to say no, they are not interested to all of your preferences and over time you become conditioned to default to their preferences because whenever you try to advocate for yours, they are never on board. And over time it just gets worse and worse. At least that’s what happened to me 🤷🏻♀️ finally just had him move out after 5 years and a beautiful child later 🥰😅 I feel like I’m finally able to breathe.
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I'm realizing a lot of the things I thought were problems with my romantic relationships are things I do in mundane situations, emotionally magnified by attraction and sex. I spent hundreds of dollars on snowboarding gear when I lived a block away from the beach in a tropical climate. I got invited to ONE snowboarding trip, and I got so caught up in the excitement of this new thing, how I would look, who I would be with this new identity, that I didn't stop to consider I might not even like snowboarding, or that I'll hardly ever actually go. So I try to notice myself over-investing in other parts of my life, and use those situations as practice for figuring out what's a healthy balance of enthusiasm and caution. I highly value the part of me that wants to jump in head-first; it has been responsible for so many great experiences in my life, so I don't punish myself for having the impulse. But learning to recognize when I've lost myself in something or someone has really made things go smoother for me in general.
Wow. This is very motivating. In my last relationship, I was slaved by emotions. Of course, he ran away. This video really explains our problems in life, thank you very much Matthew =)
I knew that when he started the video with "let's pretend there's a difference between logic and emotion" that he's a student of psychology. He's simplified the message, but not it's depth. Also: he's not wearing an undershirt
I learned how to use logic and emotions together since a very young age and I never realised it until now, the only problem is that nobody invests in me in the first place
