INFJ True Story | You will NOT believe the innocence and the tragedy of this INFJ's childhood story. 

I never understood that my mother’s reasons for invalidating my feelings, lying, deflecting or making me look like the crazy one was because of the shame she felt for knowing how royally she messed up with me. I found this out just months ago by mistake in a heated argument we were having because just as she was about to drag me right back into my childhood (through gaslighting and all the things she did best), she made a horrible mistake. While grasping at straws, she reminded me that my brother was in the car as well when he were having the conversation she was now trying to lie about. As soon as I told her oh yeah you’re right so we should go ask him about it then, she freaked out, resorted to insulting me and wanted to drop the whole conversation. At that moment I intuitively, completely understood what was going on and out of compassion for her I just dropped it, with tears in my eyes I told her whenever you’re ready to talk without lying or becoming defensive I’ll be upstairs and I stormed off. I realized at that moment it was all a charade to protect her image, that the charade had fallen and she had been defeated. I finally understood that all these years what she had been doing to me was to keep it from happening to her. She soiled my image so hers could remain credible and intact. My honesty, transparency and need for accountability scared her to death and so she couldn’t stand the sight of me. I was a constant threat to her image. With this new knowledge I was able to go downstairs and apologize to her for what had just gone down but I also took advantage of that vulnerable moment to make her understand things as they always were, not what she had made up in her head. I explained to her that I had been hurting all those years. That I knew she knew she had hurt me and that until that day I hadn’t known why, I just thought she didn’t love me because I was not like her and my sisters were (all sensors). I told her that I finally understood that she had done all that out of shame for all the ways she had messed up with me but that my disposition was never a condemning one. I told her all I ever needed from her was validation that yes, they happened, (I’m not crazy or making it up) and that they weren’t intentional (she does love me). I needed to talk about it, digest it and move on. I even promised her that I didn’t even have any intent of her husband finding out about my past even though he is the one who judges me the harshest. At this point you could see a great weight lifted from her shoulders and it’s as if she had finally met ME and understood what I’m all about. So many years wasted and so much pain inflicted just because she wasn’t willing to talk or admit she had messed up. ‘Til this day I still have an extremely hard time understanding why people have such a hard time saying I’m sorry, I really messed up. How can we make things better? And really mean it. I guess I’ll just never know. I’m still at the beginning of the video (just paused for this bit of TMI) but I really want to say, I am sorry for whatever it is you went through and how badly your image may have been distorted in the process. We need to hold on to the knowing that we are good people and so are our motives however much they may be questioned. People will never stop in their attempts to make us think otherwise. It’s taken a lot of years but I no longer take offense when people question my intentions or integrity. I now realize that they are judging me by the contents of their heart not what’s in mine. It is extremely hard for someone who doesn’t have the best intentions to trust that someone else does. To those people you will always look like a ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’.

Wtf this is literally what I’ve been wondering.. My little sister once said “it doesn’t matter” and “it wasn’t that bad” when I was talking about how a certain friendship changed me. No one freaking understands us

Your Chanel is the first INFJ Chanel that explains it all in simple context and giving your life experience has helped me in so many ways understanding myself a lot more better. I believe I’m an INFJ gone through hell from childhood to teenage to broken mariage and narcissistic relationships single parenting to finding my passion in life. I’m 37 years old had to endure so many hardships due to being an INFJ never understood why and ends up repeating the same patterns I got to a stage where was living with self criticism and shame only to realise it was never because of me . I thank you so much for sharing your experience and I know how difficult this might be for an INFJ to share part of them self. I applaud you for being generous with the world.👏👏 By the way I subscribed from the first video I watched on your Chanel .

When I was a kid my mom told me she didn't love me and couldn't look at me because of my deceased father (we look similar) it broke me, and this affected my adults. This affected to suicide in my teens when I lost my sister and desperate need of love until now. The desperate need for love and understanding and my personality type(INFJ) led to attracting narcist and just people that would do the same as my mom did reliving the trauma she caused several times in my childhood because in my head this was the only thing I was worthy of. I beg of people please love your child you brought them into this cruel world full of danger, as kids were dependent on you we trusted and loved you. Don't let people go through this some don't come back from this, and innocent lives are lost because of childhood trauma, not only through suicide but as well some kids can't handle this and turn dark. Im so glad my personality and my aunts love kept me from ending it all. But even now I'm a grown adult I need counseling with a specialist just to get this dagger that caused me so much pain throughout my life out of me, please love your kids and protect them.

This reminds me of when I was 15. I'd been in a car accident that maimed me, and my attorney had to hunt down my DNA donor (dad) to sign the insurance release. My attorney said I'd like to meet him and he said "NO." and slammed the door in my attorney's face. I say he was the first man to break my heart. And you talk about esteem issues and depression as an infj that I'm still battling to this day at 43...man...

Ni-Ti loop sucks! especially when you are a child! Had a similar experience. Completely overthought something another child would have gotten over. I think we suffer as infj so that we are inspired to tackle our demons,which once we have done gives us the ability to help others with their demons ! (kinda what your doing?)

The smallest things become huge traumas. I felt it when you told the story and was crying by the end too because I've been on both ends. Made to feel worthless and unloved as a child by careless words and I'm also a mum who's made small parenting mistakes and regret is haunting! 😰 I really loved the bit at the beginning of the video to look in the mirror to talk to your soul, to own mistakes and forgive yourself and affirm loving messages to yourself when you've only perceived receiving unloving messages from others . I'm gonna try that!

Man it's like you just revealed a part of my childhood. That not anyone has understood.

I feel this. When I was young I felt so deeply effected by similar words. I felt like I wouldn’t live through high school. I felt like one more emotional hit would completely destroy me.

This is like Michael Jackson's dad telling him - "If you didn't sing or dance, I would drop you like a hot potato." I feel for you. I am truly sorry. Yes, it feels like death. Though, now You are Free. Flashbacks, physical and emotional, can happen. But you are now free.

Hi there Marty, I’m an INFJ female, and I enjoy watching your videos. I feel really sad for the small INFJ boy inside you. What your mother did was no small mistake, it was pure emotional abandonment! I am happy that you have found the emotional strength to forgive her for this mistake. I suffered through a very traumatic childhood myself, and almost committed suicide too so I know how that feels. But now I am 6 years past that point, and on a much higher emotional plane of existence. Life does get better in your 50’s! I feel I am so much more wiser now, and I just don’t take things too seriously or take crap from anyone either.

OMG, sorry Marty but I had to pause at 9:08 because I had a similar experience, but in the reverse with my husband at the time over my son. I told him if you make me choose, you lose. He was my son's stepdad and he was being a dickhead to my son without a valid reason during a difficult time after the loss of my father. As an INFJ mom, this was pushing a limit of no return & I never could forget that moment, and it was a catalyst to the downfall of our relationship. To me it exposed his True Core, and his behaviors after this confirmed I was correct about him. Thank you for all you are doing here. For whatever it is worth, I relate to your channel more than any others because of your depth, authenticity, you are REAL and it is really great to finally connect with people that feel like I do :)

Your work is healing for me and my female INFJ’ness. Thank you so very much.!

so deeply sweet, thank you, Marty.

9:20 - I smelled that bomb coming the picosecond you said "mom and stepfather were arguing". Thanks for speaking up about depth and emotions few recognize in us. In fact, you're the only one to mention the word "annihilation" as the impact of what that is. It's true. More dangerous still is the outer world quickly matches the inner world's annihilation. Emotional half-life is the only way to describe it. Slow to heal and nothing grows does until the poison leaves. Timetable: unknown.

This is terrifying as a parent. Gosh, children are from our beings and souls. If a partner doesn’t protect them, or care about them biological, or not. The children’s safety and sense of well being comes first. Especially for a mother, but we all annihilate our kids by accident with our trauma, our spouses trauma and the band plays on. So sad. Thank you for pursuing healing and crying is stronger than masking.

Truly wonderful video. Very brave of you to share it. Thank you.

I went through something similar to this recently, it really broke me, but this video is helping me heal and try to have a positive outlook. Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you're in a better place now

Thank you for having the guts/balls to share this Marty. Seriously though. I totally relate. The fact that you and your mom are good now is inspiring and downright Amazing. I'm sure you'll help many with your raw deal. Very Cool. I too am glad you're still here.🙏💜💥🤗

Open heart, thanks for sharing. I laughed at the end. You can say STFU because the love is so deep and anyone who knows you will understand that.

So sad... 😢 Let me hug you for your manly sincerety... My heart is with you. I’m an INFJ and my parents never felt how deep I was attached to them, how deep I felt and how easy it was to break my heart with a word...

My parents don't and choose not to understand me they jus act like I dont exist smh. Gotta love being infj😔

Wow Marty thank you for making this video! Now I don’t feel so alone. My mother did something very similar to me. Maybe a bit worse but she did chose the stepdad over me. She sent me away. But the problems began when I was about 3yrs of age. Anyway thank you for being you💋

Hi, Marty. I am so sorry that you experienced the trauma that you did, but I am so glad that you are here with us because, you most definitely have made an impact in my life. I never felt that anyone has ever understood me. I am so glad that your mother has been working on healing your relationship. Unfortunately, I lost my mom, but I know that it had to happen that way. My family dynamics are so messed up and that is what got me to dive into Psychology and start healing. Even with that, I still need some help sometimes. 😅 Thank you so much for your videos, they truly do help me! 🙂🙏

“Of course, mom is going to help build the Wall”.

I can watch it myself, but pretty much NO ONE in my family would understand, except my mini-me 6 yr old granddaughter. God Have mercy on her, PLEASE. 😢

I so relate. My mother still refuses to discuss incidents like this. I have come to accept that she cannot confront or deal with the truth. Gonna leave a song that reminds me of you, as I can see the healing you have and are experiencing. Remember that scars are no longer open wounds, and your healing is a light to help others through the darkness. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-fH1yb0osWzM.html

as an INFJ thank you

Thank you 🙏🏼 much ❤️

Just started the video. About 30 seconds before you said look at the time. I had already looked at the time. I still shock my self🤦😂😂😂

Thank you. Currently trying to understand and heal the relationship with my mom, I pray she’s honest before the door slam. I can feel the door creaking. Funny how ‘the door slam’ seems out of our control, can be delayed but if behavior isn’t changed it’s inevitable.

Glad you’re still here. 🌷

17:57 probably it's me also being an infj, but that's exactly how i interpreted it when you told the story at the beginning and i was baffled how any parent could say anything like that. a doorslam is the least that would've happened, if i was in your shoes. glad it turned out well and merely a missunderstanding.

The day after I married the girl that I loved, in Jamaica, 'she said very coldly 'never ask me to put you before my family'. I spent 29 years suffering from narcissistic abuse from his b****. I had to stay to protect my daughter. I feel like I did the right thing, but have sacrificed myself a step too far. A full twelve month silent period whilst isolated in Spain, whilst clinically depressed without medication, in front of my seven year old daughter. This is on top of similar childhood experience - scapegoted. Thank you for sharing, and helping me fully understand the impact on an INFJ.

I understand and internalize your experience. My mother annihilated me for the first 25 years of my life. Luckily I had enough self esteem from my father's love to see me through her abuse and neglect. She was shallow and never understood the depth of my feelings and how my psyche would react to her words. She was hopeless as a parent. Yet, like you I found the strength to carry on.

This video made me cry.

This is heartbreaking man. Wondering how many memories like that have.Maybe I hear it wrong but the lady says "Don't make me choose [..] because I'm choosing everytime."

I want you to gather your whole family and watch this video .. and the goes to call some people a “fuck-tard” I’m sorry Marty, I think you may really believe the message you transmit but I just feel like you come out very strong and raw about it. You may indeed be an IFNJ but theres still lot of growing to do. Which is completely fine and the whole point of being here. But I believe as I have grown as an individual and the more I learn about myself, the less I let people and events affect me and the more I focus on how my behavior will project and influence others. To teach by doing, less emotional and with more ease and self control. All the best man

I have No idea how she could ever justify saying that to her baby. She saw on the movie that it hurt the kid in the movie. Duh!

Dads and daughters , mums and sons … I can relate, my father and me used to clash. I am the youngest of 4 and was the only one who would stand up to him , I remember I was around 14 , I had saved my money for a few weeks , (from my first little job babysitting )to buy him the a present. The night before I must of pissed him off somehow , don’t remember how but it didn’t take much . The next morning when I gave him his present (a T-shirt ) he calmly stood up came over to me , ( I thought I was getting a cuddle to say thank you ) instead he ripped the T-shirt in half and dropped it , then told me he hated me . I couldn’t find the strength to fight back this time just sat there heartbroken…. How could he say that to me .Things didn’t get any better and I ending up leaving home a year or so later (That a whole other 16 stories ) . Now I’m 38 we have a much better relationship , It’s me who gets called to talk to him when no one else can get through, so that tells me all them augment were worth it . I had my youngest son 11 say to me not but 3 weeks ago he hates me cause I told him off and it was like water off a ducks back in fact I think I giggled …I know not gd but it I couldn’t help but reference my dad saying that and that it didn’t bother me anymore . Thank you for Sharing , I wanna give ur inner child such a big squeeze and salute grown up Marty.

Wow! I can resonate completely with Everything in the video(s) as well as the comments left by many of the viewers. The invalidation my entire life up to the present moment, has made me the messed up person that I am. The one to whom my family will say ‘we love you and want to help you get better ..’. BUT, then immediately follow with the reminders of how I’m messed up, sick, too much and not enough, the cause of everyone’s misery and stress etc. But they say it out of love, right? It then cycles over and over, because i will tell them exactly what I need to get better ... (for them to stop saying how horrible I am) but instead of them hearing ME, they’ll say that ‘I’m my own worst enemy and the cause of my own misery’. Geez I probably rambled incoherently just now. Side note: I too attempted suicide, i was so tired of feeling like a burden. And as long as they feel the need to remind me daily of my faults, that internal struggle will remains.

The best way to stop any of your videos going viral Marty is to keep doing what you're doing and dont change any of them. I think you would do good Virgo videos. I dont know if I'm an infj, so I guess that means I'm not. Mind you, I dont know if im a f..tard as you call it either.

3:44 IM CRYING

You know i am 13 right now during this pandemic and i am literally dying even if i know that i am an infj. I told my parents about this personality types and they dont believe me they just say that their nothing like this and thats why its getting hard for to find someone who understands me cause i am still so young that i get overwhelmed so easily. I dont like living, it sucks still i need to for my parents 😶😶

im crying

Hey Marty, I'm 6/28/1970, and I have one son (one and done) and he's an ENFJ,( yes, I'm an INFJ). Do you think its from me? NF's make up 12% of the population BTW.

Hmmm... As an INFJ who has gone through this myself, I get it. My mom said the same thing to me, but not about my father or a step-father or even her lover. She said that about her own father. If it came to a choice between her father and me, I was on the sacrifice. And I was. My mom sold me when I was 13 to be used by her father as a toy. He abused me when I was 7. The reasoning was "He gave me this money and I can't disappoint him, so you have to see him alone for a week." Gaslighthing, physical abuse, torture (mother was a former USAF enlistee - amazing that waterboarding worked in 1993), and just the shame of not accepting her for all of her flaws and her weaknesses, which included giving her a free pass in the slave trade because it was unfair of me to expect her to deny the love of her father. Mind you, my grandfather abused kids for 40+ years. There was no securing his love. So, I get this statement. I remember this statement well.

It sounds like a sad story Marty but being a forward thinking INFJ It's really a happy story. It may have left deeply troubled emotional scars but you were Destined to be who you Are Marty. Had it not been through an innocent movie quote from your mother it would have came from somewhere if you believe in fate. Lmao Somehow some way you would have been exposed to something just as influential that gave you so much pain . A pain that is hard to let go & (forgive) hint hint We are all Fuktards Marty Lmao even if we are almost perfect at life 👍 I have 2 kids w an NPD Case and I swore on my fn grave I could never forgive her for All of the lies, deceit, and torture/abuse that she put my kids and myself through for 15 years JS But 15 years later I've forgiven her. I'd like to Thank her for all of the great qualities and contributions that she brought to the table because my kids are pretty fn Awesome compared to most And as far as my relationship with her as sorry and f'd up as it was it pushed me and gave me the strength to be who I was and who I've become. It woulda happened anyways and why I wish it was some innocent quote from a Movie lol I still not only FORGIVE HER but I Would also actually LIKE TO THANK HER because I'm at a pretty fn Awesome place in my life because of HER! Food for Thought Marty .

Thank you for sharing this. Maybe this is the roots of alot of INFJs. I could never figure it out until Pia Melodyies Love Addiction triangle was taught to me. For me My Dad was a Spy. He needed to drink and have a "Steward" when he came home. My mother he detested for no reason. He would beat me up throw me out of the house and than go to her and say" Why do I do this?" and they would have sex. So beating me up and throwing me out of the house from 3 to 11 was their foreplay. Guess I did not feel the love either.

Wow! How many similar experiences... so sad. My parents had to get married because my mom was pregnant. They were very young. She is vibrant and smart and she always said “you destroyed my life when you were born “. So, I grew up trying to make her somehow happy. But as I was growing she started to compete with me. It was unfair. She was young and I was a teen. I had to use her old clothes because she would not buy for me. When I got my first boyfriend they sent me far away to separate us. And once I was there they abandoned me as soon I turned 19 and went to university. Life was changing and my relationship with them only got worse. I tried talk to them. Specially my mom. But she said “what are you talking about?” “I didn’t do anything!” “It’s in your head” and after talking to her she ruined my reputation in my city with gossips and lies. It was so bad that I moved abroad to find some peace. But she’s still around... trying to get new information. And I love her so much that I still I’m here for her and I wish I could finally have a mother.

Relative!!!

I understand completely how you felt. It is hard on a child. My bio-father beat and molested me an my sister and threatened my mom with a knife to her thought in front of us a children. She got the courage to leave and took us with her. Luckily she found a good man who I have come to call father for the past 2 decades. He has been a light.😎👍

So watching this video with my “whole family” would result in impatience, 🙄, Can we do something else? Christina’s experience does not matter. She’s a weirdo, an anomaly, an unusual occurrence. Let’s get back to real life. Nothing new.

Unusual that my feelings were never really disrupting to my emotional core, atleast not by my mother. Come to think about it as the years go on the only time she caused me to cry was by a subtle accident during a holiday argument with my father. In rewinding the memory of it I fully believed it was staged by her 'in the moment'. I was standing in front of my father towards my mother on the other side of the room with her back turned. She spun quickly hurling a ceramic medium sized tea cup. Her aim changed at the last very moment when her eyes had focused. She must have been aiming for his groin because I was about that tall, the coffee cup exploded on my cheek bone just as I'd swivelled my head a touch in response. I still recall the angle of the cup on impact and each little piece of break as it bounced back of my face towards the floor. I had only been standing there completely innocent during their high fuel malignant and relentless argument. It would seem my mother assumed I was taking side with my father, but I just couldn't understand the reason for the depth of this ferocious argument. I noted that even after that smash occurred she was still only focused on her own state of emotions. As my father broke from her he took me to the next room, the pain was welling but it was easily my heart just hurting that immense fraction more when I released my tears he placed me on the bed with the kindest affection I had ever felt. It was like he put a spell on me saying it will all be alright, get some sleep when you are ready, I'll come see or check on you soon, you'll be just fine. I cried in comfort until I slept and the next day started new and fresh with the dry patches of salt clinging to where the tears had pooled on my face. It was all over with this bright cold and fresh holiday morning. Intuitively I developed a natural boundary from that day on towards her as much as she felt compelled to play my emotions but to tell the truth she never realy upset me emotionally again let alone cry, her malignant borderline just attacked my mind and vulnerability to security while ousting me into situations of jeopardy with living arrangements, triangulation with friends and family and it seemed nomatter how much she had to serve up I just took it all in stride. I guess I was willing to let herself confront me both for her own volition to and to see how much she thought she had in store I suppose to make any real impact or significant 'difference'. The boundaries I'd attempted to enforce were mostly futile by effect. It wasn't a trauma bond although I did experienced a degree of basic trauma with the frequency of her attacks entering toward and throughout adult life, it was a shield response of mine however, my resilience latter became further tested as my family came together more and more to happen to chronically scapegoat me. They became seemingly more and more self-conscious and withdrawn towards me as a co-response. My father won the fight that night she clocked me with the cup and he actually championed me as a parental figure. Dying somewhat 20 years later I never allowed the matter to surface again enough to understand what difference it had made or as a chance to respect him for it. He was the empathiser and my mum often the malignant narc, no doubt about it. Strange how the boundaries of defense can pop up and, for your far more earth shattering experience Marty that caused you to become entirely exposed 🙏💙 I also do my best in the relationship with her now but she discards all the experiences of her behavior and generally fakes what she can in order to get on with it. Whereas I use it all kept in hindsight 😉 Nothing really works for her anymore as if somehow I filled my father's shoes from back then and finally have gathered the necessary understanding and strength in wisdom (at more than twice his age from then). Whenever I experience or detect betrayal I shy away from it or if necessary shut it down completely. Alot of shit still sucks, there's almost still a world overrun by fu#ktards but I love who I am, I don't want to die too soon and I'll never give it up 🙏

aww i wanna give you a hug so bad :( My mother is really wise when it comes to raising her kids(she does enable me a lot in a bad way though). My dad is the one who emotionally cut me. (not the only asshole istp dad story that i know let me tell you) The things he has said i think i have gotten over it... just for the same reason as you, a part of me died that day...or those multiple days, years. He has definitely made me feel suicidal, hell my mother has tried it 4 times, 3 times i was the one who stopped it. Another thing that made me get over the stuff was when i realized other people go through the same shit, some people more than me. Nonetheless i hate him, imagine a teenager begging her mother to get a divorce. My sister tells me to be nice to him now that he has mellowed down a bit, how am i supposed to get over the stuff he's put my mother through?

I think it was the fact that it was you and mom and then non-attached father figure becomes mom's priority. Child should always be mom's priority. imo. We are HUGE on loyalty. Q. Would an INFJ have taken it the same from mom if that was stated about bio dad? Every detail can shift our perspective of understanding someone else's POV.

Sorry that I am laughing but it is so silly (the fact that she repeated something from a movie because it suits the time). But true, it is extremely important to pay close attention to what we say because our words can destroy someone’s life, no matter how small it is. Even our actions can have the same impact. Someone can be watching something with all his/her innocence, and the sole fact of watching can lead to actions that are excruciating. Human soul is so fragile. But I always wonder how m, as a human, can I live a life in which I will do as minimal damage as possible to other human beings.

3 sons....I'm sure I've made mistakes. 💐⚘🌾🌷🌹🌻🌺 I suspected you were so angry. I almost didn't watch. Its like experiencing The Shining in real life which was my first thought when I woke in the restaurant I managed on a snowy morning and the night cleaners came in thru the kitchen at 3am. That's when you know you're alive!!!

Hello sir, I just want to tell you that you're lovely and beloved, you deserve the f-ing love! 🌷 Also, though I'm still 23 yo, I'm sorry that I'm still failed to identify the similar childhood traumas from my past since I experienced many emotional "maltreatments", maybe because I still find it hard to forgive myself for things that never belong to me. I'm a quiet girl since the start and my mom thought it was really hard to understand me just from the outside, me, my mother and my father never had a family discussion, but my mom passed away because of cancer and recently I had a big fight with my dad. My subconscious even saw him as a monster when he asked me to hug him when I cried, somehow I can't control that part until now, then I ran to my brother's room because my subconscious still thinks he is a monster at that moment. Do you think my explosion was because of my trauma too or just because of the hard time I have at that time? Because as I count this far since I was kid I go rampaged around 4-5 times already in front of them, whenever I feel like mistreated and get hard times until I can't bear it anymore because of them and from the outside too, I always explode that scary like I become someone else. My friends love having me around them but I'm afraid if someday they would see that side of me too… 😔

🙏🏅

How kind of you to see that she made a mistake, I would not be able to forgive either. I would have felt the same way as you, now I have to go and watch the movie. Ya, Marty, I'm not believing it, you care too much to be tough, but you were brave to tell her.

Is an INFJ born or created? I wonder if this event influenced your becoming of an INFJ?

My mother was a narcissist , A grade narcissist .

You and I have a great deal in common. Right down to growing up in the same neck of the woods. If you get curious come take a look I think you and I could have some pretty interesting conversations to say the least. I would venture to say we have a great deal in common if you think so don’t hesitate to reach out we’re all in this together One way or another👊🐶😎🐶👊

I don't think you being an INFJ has anything to do with the fact that your Mom actually would chose their spouse over their child. She was wrong regardless. You should connect with both spouse and child and never compare them by choosing a side.