Ever since I have found out I was an INFJ , I have been so much happier. I felt less alone because it did not seem like I related to anything. I had many personality problems, but finding out this really helped me with them. I'm less depressed, i'm feeling so much better. i'm already getting better with many of my social issues.
I agree with what you said. I am an INFJ and I knew I was always different and considered weird by just about everybody under the sun including my own wife and family. Now it all makes more sense for me and now I don't just feel like a lost loser. Now I know there is a reason behind it and man the whole intuition thing. You would swear I was psychic I have always had an ability far beyond the norm. So HAPPY to be here seeing so many other INFJ's I feel like I have found a long list group of friends so to speak.
@Kotlinorpython Best I know you posted this comment 5 months ago and i don't know if you are still struggling with this problem, but... i'm here so i decided to reply😅 Sometimes we need to try interacting with many different people. More people you interact - more chances you get to find a person that would like to understand you, more personalities you absorb. Differences are good - they can give you a chance to improve yourself and widen your horisons (sorry for any mistakes 😛). I know that going out to people is really difficult for introverts, especially intuitive ones, but it's the only chance to stop being alone and get over these problems😉
I did the test. Came out with INFJ. I wasn't wowed by the rarity of it, but it hit me with - that's why strangers are calling me weird or mysterious, friends special and unique!
I discovered that I was an INFJ about 6 months ago and it has actually helped me understand myself on such a more personal level; like I get myself now. I have a hard time in public situations, yet run a successful business; It's like if I'm in a "safe place," I can interact with anyone, yet I can't call in and order a pizza🙃 It's so strange
Yes we (INFJs) definitely can be part of the problem. For years I've been saying that I'm the common denominator of all these broken relationships. The problem is I'm still not sure why. The older I get, the more I realize how messed up I must be. Being super sensitive isn't easy. I'm trying to get thicker skin, but haven't been successful. Does anyone else struggle with this??
Sigh. I've been telling myself for years that I will find some secret to becoming thicker skinned or just naturally become so as I "mature." If anything, I feel more sensitive now. The only way I know to protect myself, is to trust my initial perceptions of people more quickly. If I see any signs of selfishness, self-centeredness, lack of compassion, or cruelty, I need to run away faster. But I usually give them the benefit of the doubt, and think that I am judging them too quickly. If I trusted my observations sooner, and stayed clear, they couldn't get too close, and the wounds couldn't go as deep. Does anyone have advice/observations about this?
yeah I hear ya.. It can feel really debilitating at times. That hyper-vigilant/sensitive state used to drain the life right outa me. It took awhile, but I finally was able to rewire some of those toxic parts.. bit by bit. We're always gonna be susceptible to those heightened emotions, but now whenever I catch myself getting too introverted/sensitive for my own good- I make a conscious effort to shift the headspace right away. Sometimes it takes every fibre of my being to resist those reclusive/over-anylitical ways, but personally the thing I've found most helpful along the way - is to at least have someone in your circle of friends/family that is the polar opposite of you. They might drive you crazy in the beginning, calling you out on your shit, leave you emotionally strung out at times lol, but if we can just ride out that temporary discomfort (with these high octane types lol) then it usually ends up being incredibly valuable for our personal growth.. well provided they're not some destructive asshole thats got you in a Stockholm Syndrome situation:p lol but personally, I know I got thicker skin just by having that type of energy (consistently) in my life. So much of my general anxiety has subsided, I don't question and pick things apart like I used to, and I've definitely become more (comfortably) assertive when I need to be.. thats definitely been the most liberating shift in my headspace.. but on those days when I know its time to recharge and give in to my habitual nature- Its Music, Books& Solitude, also I've found things like kickboxing, live comedy shows, volunteering, travelling/mini roadtrips, being out in nature.. really just any type of invigorating environment or get a job as a bartender in some punk dive Bar;) that definitely helped me when I was younger. You'll quickly become desensitized and it requires thick skin just to acclimate to those seemingly brash& abrasive types:p... even if at times it feels like you're just creating some alter ego- just run with it! Eventually, just like with any repetitive process- it can become second nature before you know it. Just don't allow the introversion/sensitivity or idealism to swallow you whole in life.. it can become a slippery slope before you know it ... so yeah I'd say getting comfortable with being uncomfortable (from time to time), swallow our egos and be open to constructive criticism, while also looking for opportunities to have our world view consistently challenged.. I think that'd be a good place to start that mental shift.. man, this turned into an infj rant hah sry! wish you guys all the best: ) (ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-ORthzIOEf30.html Great video by Robert Sapolsky. He brings it back to basics.. its refreshing)
Yes, I’m very sensitive to those I’m close with and may have a strong connection with. I can get hurt very easily and have to convince myself to get over it, and remind myself to just stay kind despite my feelings but before I have to make sure I’m aligned with my thoughts because being genuine is important to me.
Absolutely. Being sensitive is a problem for me, especially in the sense that once someone betrays me, that is it. I cannot have them in my life and I push them away. It is incredibly hard for me to forgive and forget, but that is something I have been working on, mostly because I love my friends now and im in a happy place with my relatuonships.
Quick thought: being the common denominator in a recurring problem doesn't necessarily mean you are so messed up. (Though I totally know the feeling.) It can be as simple as the choices you tend to make. For example, if person does not tend to value themselves and their needs and wants very highly (perhaps in part because they are not the commonly encouraged or culturally affirmed ones) then one may repeatedly choose to compromise oneself into situation which are not good for them. Whereas, if you are clear about your strengths and values and are supportive of yourself, then you are more likely to seek out what is more likely to work for you. One is more likely to be able to adjust circumstances to be more in line with oneself. And one will be able to make more healthy and functional compromises when necessary and to make those more from a position of self-empowerment. Make any sense?
Found out infj was rare after the test, decided it was too awkward to bring up. Figured it would sound like I was bragging. Also, I usually think certain types are more important, like the enfj, and intj. I know I’m wrong, but I still tend to think that way.
not everyone cares to be special. honestly I'd be happy with 'content' and 'at peace' with a little 'joy' thrown in here and there. Special to me means admired by others and my natural state is truly not wanting to be looked at by others! so not me at all. Also when you're me you isolate and special means 'different' and 'stands out'. Those two things cause me pain, not happiness, js
I believe that INFJ is one of the rarest types but not necessarily the rarest. It's definitely not common. I'm a true INFJ and I think VERY similar to you ! I understand you VERY well !
Can't believe I'm quoting Dr. Phil here, but something he said years ago resonated with me. "No matter how flat you make a pancake it still always has two sides". Yes there are people who have had a very unequal balance of turmoil in their lives. But we still always have to take responsibility for us and our actions too. Because our actions effect way more than just us. Now go forth my frisky ponies and be the best versions of you that you can be ...
I had to see your comment. Omg I have fomo help me! #fomophobic Fear of the fear of missing out? Meta-fomo? I can't stand my restless self rn, can you heal me? Send ice cream or chicken soup by teleportation device? Too bad technology hasn't advanced enough for humans to transfer quantum info yet. Curse life! Now I'm thinking of Craig Ferguson groovin on stage with his horse and the ridiculous galopping frisky pony dance . That guy had better dance moves than napoleon dynamite himself, no wonder you were smitten. I'll be ok Melanie. I'll just put on a Craig Ferguson dance Montage video. Check yo 📧 sister
Brittany S Hey Britt Britt. If I could go west with a care package for ya I surely would! Since I can't and have to attend an 8:30 3 hr class tomorrow am (cries) I will recommend googling Hugh Laurie on the late late show with Craig Ferguson from 2011. It's a pretty funny 11 minutes! One of my fav interviews from that show.
many people get mistyped as an INFJ and the reason it's rare it's because surviving in this world as an INFJ is pretty hard. So if we are looking at it from an evolutionary perspective the INFJ outcast would not really be the starter or a keeper of a "Civilization". The INFJ is meant to live in the outskirts of society, and if they are involved in a society it is never in a typical way. INFJ has a charismatic allure to it because the Ni is such a mysterious function throw in there the ability to understand others so perfectly, we seem like a strange character from Alice in wonderland.
yes i heard that every person with any personality type needs to work on his personality to reach the more mature version of it . and that's what i've been working on and truly frank you talked about a lot of little things that i do find wrong in me and my sister who was hearing you talking kept saying " ahaa see ??" 😂. anyway great video! thank you
Holy Monkey Fudger - Amen brother, preach! Especially with regard to the value/rarity evaluation. Every type contributes amazingly to humanity. As common as our SFJ friends are, I often have the impression that these angels are freaking holding society together despite the rest of us lol.
It does seem as though people are focusing on how "Rare" INFJ's are, but that doesn't impress me really. I am rare, but to a degree everyone's personality type is rare simply by the fact that we are ALL different. I often find myself in the middle of the road on most things, feelings, perceptions. I love the way my brain works, I am not closed minded at all but I also have standards. I always put myself in the shoes of whoever I am dealing with in all aspects of life. I love your videos, they help fill in the blanks while I try to figure this life out and work to better myself. Everything you talk about in your videos makes complete sense to me and makes me want to learn more!
Yeah, it’s definitely called me out on my bad habits and it’s nice to know I’m not such a screw up cuz others do it and I can still redeem myself and grow to be the person I wanna be without pretending.
Just discovered my personality type, and shortly after, typeology as a whole. I almost wrote a stupid-long comment but instead I'm just gonna say, thank you for this video. It is helping me considerably as I work towards understanding myself and others.
The Two Type Timmy section always makes me giggle! 😂 Loved this vid. I’m an INFJ, and I have around 3 INFJ friends, and I have a different relationship and chemistry with each of them. It’s very interesting. Have an awesome day, Frank!
Being rare, mysterious, odd, weird= having difficulty in life. Being the "rarest" type is more of a hastle than an asset. I'm at complete odds with most of society and I'm not any happier. I'd trade my rarity for a little more happiness.
Glad you put this video out there. Typology seems to be morphing into tribalism... as with most ideas and concepts, once it becomes tribal the actual point of it all starts to vanish. Good stuff, it’s breath of fresh air .
I'm sick of hearing how rare infj's are. Who cares? Why is that relevant? So glad you brought that up! I love every single type and see the value in each one. Each one is completely necessary and valuable. If I didn't have my beautiful dreamy infps I'd be sullen most of the time, if I didn't have my vibrant and positive Enfps I'd remain a pessimist (those are the people in my life I won't live without) We need one another. So much of what you said I've thought about. Thank you for clearing up confusion and making me feel a little less crazy haha.
I'm an INFJ and I've met 3 others in the last 5 years. So I have wondered about the rarity as well, but it's not something any of us have cared about. Cool you addressed this 🙌🏻
I've given the test to loads of high school classes and I've never had a class that didn't have at LEAST one INFJ. (Well, one more if you count me) I like to give the test for the reasons you said but also to help kids understand not everybody thinks and processes things like you do. It's seems obvious, but it's not. I hope it will help them be more open-minded and patient with people not like them.
Could be. The kids from other classes made posters for each type and hung them in the hall. I noticed the INJF poster was full but the ENTJ poster only had a couple of kids on it. But who knows, when we do this next year it might be reversed.
@@georgefriderichandel8417 I was thinking of doing it in C and G at the same time but I'm not going to. I recorded it and it's awful, and I don't care. 😆
Thanks for this video, Frank! Really sheds light on how INFJs can learn to deal with our own problems without conceptualizing the idea of the personality type being such a part of who we are that it instantly solves all our problems. It would be amazing if you could do one on healing and how INFJs can let go of the past and move on (abusive parents, trauma, etc).
A lobotomy? No, but seriously it is probably similar to any type trying to heal and survive from those life events. There are plenty of channels that talk about narcissists and empaths which seems to be the common dynamic. I'm not sure if there would be any specific healing technique for INFJ in particular.
You're right Frank! We put too much emphasis and weight on their personality type on the outcomes of dif aspects of our life. We have to realize a lot of other factors play into who we are and. And I agree on blanket statements that get made when there are an endless amount of variables.its unnecessary at best! Instead of wearing misunderstood badges I find it's much better to do the homework and strengthen our areas where we're so misunderstood so we're not labeled as weird, misunderstood, or broken.
I am INFJ. Yes, it's kinda cool that we're supposed to be rare, but I don't really care much about the statistics. I feel we might be rare, but typology is something we are supposed to be using to relate with, not using to exclude ourselves with. It's a tool of understanding and improvement, not of ego bolstering or whatever "rare" is supposed to do for an ego. Lol. I agree, Frank. Typology shouldn't be used as a crutch or an excuse. It's an Interesting field of study but it's not all there is. There is so much more. Spirituality, background, culture, upbringing, values, morals, etc. I think everyone should be concerned about trying to be their best selves and not be concerned so much about personality types. I don't ever ask or speculate much about someone's personality type, at least not until later. It's about PEOPLE. It's about communicating with and getting to know individuals. There's more to getting to know someone than classifying their personality. It's more about interaction. I know things can get in the way relationally at times, but I still think of us all as having more similarities than differences as a human race.
This personality typing stuff is important as a tool for learning about yourself and how to interface with others and the world. It's also important to not take this stuff on as an identity however and use it more as a rough framework. It isn't perfect and no 'system' ever will be, but it can help you grow into the potential within and live a happy and fulfilled life if used wisely. Good luck and stay safe out there peeps.
Howdy. INFJ here. I really appreciate you encouraging people, adults, to take ownership, accountability, of their part in dysfunctional relationships. Recently I've come to understand there is a huge difference between being a survivor of child abuse (the Adult in that scenario absolutely had a duty of care, but was unable to rise to the occasion, for whatever reason) and the choices we make as Adults, where we now have a duty of care for our own selves. Recently I was bonked on the head with a massive revelation where all I could do is to forgive it all. People are doing the best they can with what they've got. I was put in the dysfunctional parental position and I opted to have my child adopted. I have C-PTSD, I have no good role model for balanced parenting and wanted better for my offspring. We reunited and had nothing in common, nothing to say to eachother. I realized blood doesn't mean shit. And I finally empathize with my parents' predicament. Mom was in an abusive relationship, Doc said she was sterile. Yet I still came to be. Early 70's. Not a lot of options for unwanted pregnancies back then. Long story short, big facts here. After that revelation that I was not dissimilar to my own parents situation, I get it, finally. People fuck up, that's just life. We need to own our own shit and not hide behind excuses. Is my brain malformed from early childhood trauma and years of abuse, sure. Am I still responsible for my choices and behavior, absolutely. Thanks for your insights and sharing your story.
Great video, 100% agree! MBTI is a great tool to improve yourself, it has helped me a lot to not hate myself as much for the things I consider my faults and weaknesses, at the same time I could spot and understand them a lot better and work on improving them.
More I watch your videos the more I appreciate your humour and I have had an ephaniany that when we don't take our ourselves too seriously as an INFJ it just becomes a relief and we can see the humour in life. Thank you for that.
Another great video. I was not offended, it all needed to be said. I am so tired of hearing these same things from people in INFJ groups. Especially the lists of standards, that have nothing to do with actually being INFJ, that they think you must meet to be on the in crowd.
Thank you again, Frank. Rarity is not an advantage in an evolutionary sense and it sometimes kind of annoys me that I am INFJ. However, watching your videos has helped me understanding some traits. Then again, life experience and self reflection helps a lot..
6:30 Spot on, people that learn their personality types shouldn't be using "Oh, it's just part of my crappy personality" as an excuse to keep from improving their personal flaws and weaknesses! I'm going to be listening to that podcast, and I'm also curious if you've ever considered doing series of interviews with regular people of each personality type (via skype/discord/in person) and posting edited versions to your channel? You cover really deep and insightful topics revolving around INFJ's that most interviewers would never touch on when speaking to another person, so it would be interesting to see where your interviews would go. You seem intune with how each personality type views the world, so I think you could end up with some really profound content, even with the more 'common' types that people downplay. My sister is an ISFJ. They're important too. >.
Thank you for this video! I feel like this goes over the same main points of my most recent video in a way that's more relatable and understandable. Which exactly what my goal was. I hope we can inspire each other throughout our self discoveries!
I always say you can’t control what other people do, you can only control yourself. Like I always struggle with expecting too much from people and always get my feelings hurt that way. Since they don’t show the same energy or they aren’t as empathetic. So it’s like a new mantra that I say to myself
"I'm rare!" ......best quote of my day. oh and DANG my twin sister is an ENTJ. I'm totally serious. She always seems to feel misunderstood, even by me sometimes. I want to be just like 2TypeTimmy. PS: I am disappointed Timmy doesn't really have a website. Catching up while I have a break in all my activity as of late.
I took the Myers-Briggs Test twice. I am a true INFJ-T. None of my family, friends or coworkers are INFJ. Only me, and I am weirdly exceptional, they say. I made them all take the test. It is rare. I am rare. I, also, have Rh Negative blood Type...only 15% of the population has it, and is also rare. I have crazy colored eyes, and can be very intense without knowing it. I feel people's and animal's thoughts. I liked your analogy from the New Testament of one body, different parts of the body. They can not all be the same, and need each other to work together as a healthy body. Fascinating...
I love how you call people out and give them a much needed reality check. I have dated an INFJ that was very much into the whole "I am special and better than the rest" thing and let me tell you, that is not a fun way to be nor to be around. Love your content.
Think We hide out! I know several but it can get so intense that you need to get a break from each other , not as in being unfriend but as in that it gets so intense that you get all tornadoish and spiral together because some of the traits just....never had so much fun but man did it get Very strange ! So recognize When you might go a little overboard together because its so fun and you guys should be just fine! =) and eminem sounds like a perfect infj eminem see the spiraling versus the productivity and the ability to reach peoples hearts as a means to balance yourself and others and the scary ability to see people and the charisma and also We are multitudes! And your analysis ! Straight on !
Let me just say, THAT PODCAST has become one my favorite things ever. Amazing job and so so insightful. I feel like I just took a whole class and I want to tell everyone I know 😂 But instead Imma just take the advice and work on myself lol Excellent!
Good video! I totally understand your point. Sometimes I even feel a bit 'uncomfortable' when I see articles about INFJ with exaggerated titles. It is so important to let introverts know that it's ok to be who they are but it's not a reason to place them on a pedestal. We are absolutely not superior beings and don't pretend to be. We simply want to be understood and as INFJs it comforts us to know that there are other people who also feel like us.
We shouldn’t make excuses bc of our personality type but a way to understand ourselves better so when we are at our weakness we can lead our way to overcome, it gives us the why to the feelings so we can better overcome it.
2:54 I agree totally! The importance that I see about the INFJ typology is the search for self-knowledge. Whether we are majority or minority is not important. My concern is just being understood by others. Just it. 7:44 I appreciate your message. I have been thinking that way. I have no problem recognizing this. On the other hand, I've been trying to strike this balance, but it takes time. I am doing it for myself. I am not seeking this balance to gain recognition from other people because I am tired of trying to win everyone's approval. This has been very tiring. You're a great person, Frank. You can handle complex issues in a very sober and honest manner. You don't have to feel guilty, like you're judging someone. You have discussed an important subject in a very natural and empathic way. I'm very grateful for your videos. You have been helping me a lot.
When I was young and I told someone I didn’t initiate relationships they told me I was being immature. It really stung and I started making an effort to introduce and speak up let someone know I liked them. It was really hard, it still is, but necessary. My daughter encouraged me to take the test and knowing my type has been a tool to understand my weaknesses as well as my strengths. It also helped with the loneliness. It is only a bonus.
Hey Mr. FJ, I'm a fellow INFJ and I can honestly say you are my main inspiration to the start of my channel.Love the video. Love your podcasts, keep them going.
i needed this video. I am not social whatsoever and people usually ignore me cus i hang out with a big group (they are all cool and we are really good bffs) but i don't say much and i just thought it was because my "type" but now i think i just need to being a B and talk more
Hey! Thanks for making this video, my typology is INFJ. I read about it on the wiki and got some really great insights into my life. Anyway great stuff 👍🏻 I’m glad your providing an alternative view for troubled minds.
Finding out I was INFJ was just a start to a better me. Corny but true. Found book The INFJ Writer because of it which was exactly what I needed. Found Frank James who has added to my understanding of everything. Thanks, Frank.
I was offended, so I gave it a like😹 Yeah, I totally agree! I still see it all the time in all types' comments. Not even about the rarity, but the wrapping themselves in their 4 letters and that's now their identity. I kinda did that when I first discovered this stuff, but I've always known it alone doesn't define me. Great talk, Frank. You gave a good dressing down in a firm, but nice way.🙌😉💜
😆 You’re on a roll today FJ! I agree it doesn’t matter how rare our type is. Honestly I think the world is better off with all of us being unique. I would like to have a close INFJ friend though, it would be interesting to see the differences and compare the similarities.
dear Frank, I learn from u everytime I watch a video of yours, u make me see the world in a deep way and to relize that I'm wrong in many things, but in my case I would say I'm a crybaby cuz I used to be bullied by my classmates, professors and parents when I was a kid, that's something I can't change about myself, trust me I tried so hard to controle myself but couldnt, but there r other weaknesses that I can work on and I blame nobody about them. so it's about both of sides actually .
so true, some don't know that they are INFJ, i don't believe its rare, i feels my and my mother in law got INFJ personalities, same with me, I notice we really are people pleaser, so kind that people take advantage of us, and got hurt after people turn their back on us
Just this weekend my daughter who is an intp (I think) pointed out something she noticed about me that I can’t believe I missed ) as much as I think about things). It was anxiety tied to discomfort for someone else and what was happening to them would be good and growth for them but the discomfort for them made me anxious. I really never noticed this before. I am glad she was patient enough with me to help me see
That podcast with Dave Powers was fascinating. I have definitely seen similar patterns of personality connecting people out in the wild, and was always a little dumbstruck as to why it goes so largely unobserved. I'm really excited to see how more of the research unfolds!
I’ve always had this deep connection with one of my brothers and a close friend of mine, where I feel like our minds are somehow wired the same. And after figuring out that I’m an INFJ, I made them both take the test and found out that they too are INFJs which tbh I suspected. I also found out later that two more of my close friends are INFJs. It’s quite interesting how despite it being one of the rarest personalities, that I’m surrounded by so many of them.
I agree.... being an INFJ gives you two choices, work on your weaknesses or crawl inside yourself and forget the world.... I choose the first. Learning more about how my mind operates really helps with that process. Also really helpful if you surround yourself with friends who are compassionate, open-minded and understanding. I opened up to someone who wasn't understanding recently and later ended up having that INFJ info used against me. Not helpful.
Yasss. I am an INFJ through and through. Yet, I work proactively to NOT isolate myself, be honest and vulnerable with loved ones, go out and be in the moment, three things my more immature INFJ self unconsciously avoided. PROGRESSSS. Love your vids dude :)
This video is the most helpful one on FJ's channel when it comes to helping me filter out my ego about being an INFJ (I am absolutely disgusted with myself for having one and am constantly trying to fix it). But I did get a bit embarrassed when he talked about many ideas that I had previously discussed in a comment I posted on one of his other videos. Better delete that before the comment annoys people... Very sorry if you saw it, I should have checked other FJ videos before accidentally stealing his thoughts. Now I have to remember what video I posted it on...
When i found out it was 'rare' i honestly was thrilled but at the same time, i thought, What Am I Supposed To Do With This Information? bc people will choose to associate with me for how i differ from them or how i am like them, so i didn't take too much to rarity. i also think, sth worth noting, if we are even abiding to the test, is to what degree we are INFJ & that in itself creates a spectrum. i met sb who told me they were INFJ and i couldn't believe it but then i you spoke about how INFJ is a bit more disposed to sociality than other intro types, it fit her. i also don't mind transcending my type bc i want to be able to be versatile in my functions in 1 way or another even if I'm centered at INFJ. Shalom brethren!
I was thinking about the same thing lately. When I look at statistics on "16 personalities" I assume we are quite common. But maybe the reason is we are the ones who are the most interested in such tests, self improvement, overthinking... I have an INFJ sister and one friend. We are different, but we are all difficult. So I still doubt I will ever find my male soulmate.
Only 3 minutes in and I already love this one, I keep saying the same things and some INFJs agree, some are really bothered and it's always interesting to see who does what, I feel.
