INFJs are cold. 

Frank James do u know any INFJ dating site?i keep attracting narcissist...😭

Frank James Thank you so much for your videos. I first discovered I was an infj a long time ago and didn’t really think much too it then after questioning life and my identity and what the duck I was doing I did more reading and research and still didn’t really act on my abilities. Your videos are so helpful and inspiring. It so good how you deliver them honestly and openly it makes me feel like I haven’t before. It’s a blessing and a curse being an infj. You’ve made such a difference to my life and I’m going to make some changes! Thank you. Ps I love that you’re now doing book reviews. I will seek those ones out. Thanks again man it really is worthwhile what you’re doing.

I adore you very much, thank you for sharing so much it helps me to think about so many important things. It helps me to love and accept myself more for the way I am.❤️I find your depth refreshing, I enjoy your humor too.😊

INFJ's are one of the hardest of all types to type. ( the rest of this comment is beneath this one, not enough room) The reason for this is because of their ability to blend in with the environment they are in at any given time. This is achieved via their auxiliary function of Fe, which I will call their chameleon function. Astrologically speaking, this Fe function of theirs corresponds to object-oriented Pisces, which would be the latter half of that zodiac sign. Typically, how this manifests is that an INFJ will be hard to notice. They are hard to see. You could be talking with one and have no idea that you are talking to a person of this type. Because of their chameleon quality, they will embody whatever their delicate gyroscope tells them to embody at any given time. INFJs have a tendency to balance out interactions such that if the person they are talking to is too active, they will take a passive role. If the person they are talking to is too passive, they will take the active role. Like the tides, they constantly shift. Their personalities are difficult to peg down. They instinctively resist categorization and so if they sense that they have been carrying on in one mode for too long, they will change it to something else. Now, this is all true as regards the INFJ’s outer mode of presentation. You will have little idea that this person you are standing next to and perhaps holding a conversation with, is one of the most awe-inspiring and creative geniuses you could perhaps chance to meet. You will not necessarily have an inkling of this until you have glimpsed the INFJ in their natural environment where they rule supreme. Read some of their writings sometimes, if you have a chance, which you likely won’t, as INFJs are pretty secretive. There is a place in every INFJ where they are so removed from this world and its petty miseries, that what you are actually seeing in many of them is a husk of sorts, it is not their true self. Their true self is mostly discovered through their literary or artistic productions. When you get your hands on these, then you will be seeing the true person, and these are some inspired and burning spirits once you see past their ruse of being gently invisible. You see, INFJs don’t want to be discovered, or at least, they are highly ambivalent about it. They will tack and shift, and throw you off the scent. They are saying, “I dare you to discover me.” They do this because they are very sensitive to being misunderstood. They cannot bear distorted meanings, which is why their works are often concealed from profane eyes and ears. Yes, the whole INFJ existence is bound up in hiding and concealing their true nature. They will reveal it at pivotal moments when they sense the timing and circumstances are right, but they may never reveal it as much as they would like to, or as much as others would like them to, once they get a taste of the true INFJ nature. INFJs are in high demand and yet they are often ignored by those that demand them so much. But, until these people that want the INFJ to manifest their true nature can see the INFJ as they are standing there in their shroud, the INFJ will stay concealed. They want to be discovered but they expect you to do the footwork. Yes, many INFJs, whether they care to admit it or not, see themselves as special people. They know they are rare and they know they have very unique things to offer. The thing is they cannot often find a reason or motivation for offering them. It is very frustrating to them and it often takes an extreme crisis of one sort or another to get them past this inertia to manifest. They are instinctively nice people and very much hate to have to hurt other people’s feelings. However, they will do so if they feel it is the only way to preserve the true meaning of a situation. INFJs will not lie to themselves. They will lie to others if need be, but to them, that is all on the outer plane, which has no great significance to them. It is a matter of expediency and self-protection. They are protecting the self that they have been painstakingly building up since they were young. To them, the self is the most sacred thing imaginable.

INFJs are extremely self-centered, though no one around them may have any idea of this unless they get into some kind of long-term relationship with them. INFJs present as if they were the most sensitive and understanding creatures on god’s green earth, nodding in sympathy with you, making it all about you. You might feel upon meeting one of these melancholic creatures that you have never been so understood and soothed as you were upon talking to them. They make it all about you. They want to know everything about you. They seem so promising as people. “Who is this angel from heaven?”, you might be thinking. But, this is all pretext with an INFJ. It is not as if they are doing this to be calculating. At the moment, they are genuinely interested in you, and maybe even for quite a while, they will continue to be interested. But, there is likely to come a day where all that changes and the INFJ has departed in spirit and left you with a well-meaning husk of themselves. INFJs seem like some of the most promising people to be in a relationship with, but in practice, they are the least able of all types to be in a long-term relationship. An INFJ is, in essence, a solo type of person. Surface appearances will fool you, but that is the general truth about them, especially the men of this type. An INFJ is usually married to their art or philosophy or whatever their ideal happens to be. They are married to their muse, which usually doesn’t take physical form in the aspect of a flesh-and-blood person. If they decide that you are their muse, then God helps you. You better grow wings and speak Angeles. INFJs are very unforgiving of faults in their lovers or spouses. They will make life hell for their beloved, and yet it all began under the pretext of heaven. It is very hard for the INFJ to know how this came about. They had the best and most shining of intentions. But, you are dealing with a hard-edged romantic here and it is very difficult for people to live up to their ideal of a perfect relationship. What is more, it is very hard for them to live up to their ideal of a perfect relationship, and they will pull all of hell down on themselves and their supposed beloved in self-punishment for their supposed sins. This is all due to Fi in the id. I talk about Fi in INFJs in another article. Since long-term relationships fall within the purview of Fi, and Fi is a dark and undermining function for INFJs, this is what generally happens over time for an INFJ in a relationship. Now, if you want to have a fling with them, then they are like heaven’s little children in this regard. They make great lovers in relationships which last around 3-6 months. O, you will have so much fun with them if you keep it brief. INFJs are tortured in one way or another by their longing for the perfect relationship of soulmates and the alternating desire to be dedicated to an art or mission of some sort. In short, they are tortured by whether and when they will find their soulmate and their opposing desire to be monks in one form or another. If they find a person that is their soulmate then they will go into monk mode and eventually alienate them. Once they have alienated this person, then they will switch out of monk mode and back into soulmate mode when their self-imposed cloister is too much for them to bear. If they were INTJs, this wouldn’t be as much a problem. INTJs can be monks or isolated philosophers on remote mountaintops in a more or less perpetual fashion. But, INFJs are people that need people in one way or another. This is because of the Fe that I mentioned earlier. They need people, yet they need solitude, and these alternate back and forth in a rather irritating fashion for them. Here is what they need to do: Realize that most people are flawed and very human in one way or another. The women will try to embody the angelic side of the type and the men will seek the angel in other women. Note to both of them: Angels have transcended human existence and for the most part, don’t embody in human form. That just leaves you with flesh-and-blood creatures that go by the name of humans, or for the more scientifically-inclined, homo sapiens. These creatures shit, piss, cheat, hate, have bloody periods, and so on and so forth. The men will often pick some tragic woman that is a hooker or something like that and try to save her because they see the good in her. If you want to help someone then don’t get into a relationship with them. If you really want to help, then establish boundaries at the outset. If you are a man, say to yourself, “I feel for this poor soul, but I’m not going to help them by getting into a sexual/romantic relationship with them where the chances of me hurting them are much greater than me helping them due to my propensity to punish the beloved for not living up to her full potential as determined by me.” You see how selfish that is, right? If you want to help your fellow humans, then get a degree in psychology or become a writer. Essentially, become something which doesn’t involve a long and protracted foray into a relationship with you. Have many relationships that are not soulmate ones. Network. Come out of hiding. Stop waiting for the soulmate that you will trap and take into your secret lair. Express your damn self. By this, I mean through writing, composing, painting, journaling, dancing, and not through running your tongue over some poor whore’s body. You will only confuse her (talking to the guys). INFJ women. Stop acting like angels or aliens from another planet. Put away your promising eyes. O, never mind, carry on. INFJ FUNCTION ANALYSIS Introversion: The hermit, the monk, the remote philosopher, the self-absorbed artist. Notice how these are all things that require not being around other people. Yes, well, INFJs will insist on the virtues of their solitude. That is until they realize that they have run out of inspiration and need to get into some dramatic and tragic relationship in order to acquire more material for their deep researches into the human condition. Introverted Intuition: Prepare to be amazed and amazed and dazed and stunned beyond your ability to endure. Yes, INFJs are magic and Ni is responsible. To see into the heart of any matter or being. To know without knowing how you know. To be inspired to the heights of heaven. To see heaven in a wildflower and eternity in an hour. To not know how to do dishes. To ignore all manner of domestic phenomena. To let the world about you crumble back to the dust from whence it came. Yes, all this is the wonder of INFJ introverted intuition. Extraverted Feeling: To hopelessly confuse these poor mortals into thinking that you really care about them when in fact you are one of the most selfish and irresponsible beings on the face of the earth. Thank god you are the rarest of all the types. This function also helps INFJs put on the array of masks that will help them disguise their true motive, which is to devour the beloved. However, if they choose to use this function in the service of art, literature, psychology, and the like, they are god’s gift to a suffering and impoverished humanity. Introverted Thinking: Yes, I know there is no T in INFJ. Nonetheless, it is very important to INFJs. See how much they love Ti and pull towards its crystal visions any chance they get. Aah, where all is pure and unsullied. Where all is heights and laughter. Where there are no mortal troubles and all phenomena can be categorized and put into a pure and closed system. Watch INFJs fool you into thinking they are an Intuitive Thinking type. And many of them almost are. But, woe betides the INFJ who gets locked into the Tertiary Temptation loop, thereby bypassing their Fe auxiliary function. Rare suffering is in store for them. O, how you were promised heaven, and given hell. Nonetheless, what a ride. Judgment: Woe betides those who don’t listen to the INFJ’s subtle conclusions and pronouncements about all manner of varying phenomena. Now it is they who are in for rare suffering. INFJs are right about 95% of the time when it comes to what other people are thinking, feeling, and likely to do in the future. So, yeah, you might want to listen to them in this regard. Written by Stellar Maze 'The INFJ Whisperer"

True this!

This was me forever until I found my 3 bestfriends. :) one of them is an INFJ-A just like me. Best. Person. Ever.

Eric Vosseller me too man

Same until I found mine, they were four who were INTJ, ENFP, INFP and an ISFP, being an INFJ I really feel like we are in a whole different spectrum but same, I love it

yep

Lol

Lol

Lol

Damn I denied this to my self for a second lol

That is when we are young... as we age, i think we just get good at smelling bullshit and have no tolerance for it.

oh yes, narcissists love usssssss. I've only just realized this. I realized how i was always walking on tip toes, afraid to hurt their feelings, being super supportive, being considerate, meanwhile they never gave two shits how the things they said and did affected me and whenever i was upset or acted the slightest bit different they would make it all about them and even accused me of playing victim. Well i am cold now, and i'm over giving a damn about the feelings of ppl who don't give a damn about mine.

So facts still going strong and she wants me back

Max Tanner A true narc would never consider being one....just saying...

Carrie S what?

@@maxtanner2202 I dont know that I u understood your statement...lol

Yes an INFJ did this to me and I almost committed suicide

@@Diplexsy 😯😑

trueee

@@Diplexsy r you good man....?

@@rondomcommenta I am well friend trying to survive day by day

Rose Studstrup for real so many ppl think I’m their best friend because I’m nice to them but in reality I’m nice to literally everyone.

Lol so true!!!!!!!

Facts. I have people mistake my kindness for weakness occasionally. It doesn't end well for them once I get REDLINED!!! Then I let them know their sins. And I make them know their sins. And I make them know their sins. Did I tell you that I MAKE THEM KNOW THEIR SINS-!!!

@@micahgeorge2981 same here with enfj 😂😂😂😂😂

Jum Broni lmao no doubt

Very true my friend. We go out of our way to make them feel good and in return they make us feel like we don't exist. We just give, give, and give and get nothing in return. Ive tried to be cold and be less sensitive to other peoples needs, but have been unsuccessful so far. Being an empath is what i am, thats my true self and if i let that go, i will be just like anybody else.

Exacly

I feel this aswell. Just once I would like someone just to ask ’how are you really going’? ‘What is really going on’?

Dark Phoenix I know exactly what you're saying yet if they were to ask I know I personally would not be able to explain exactly what's going on in my head because how do you put that into words? It's five thousand things all at one time some of them magical and Alice in Wonderland like that no one could ever visualize, then the other is sizing people up thinking about situations how many outcomes there are. Sometimes I believe we're just not meant to be understood by everyone and that's okay. But I would like to ask you how are you doing? What's going on in your head? I may be able to understand.

Dark Pheonix, I always check on people who are close to me, but, they always seem to think I'm fine. I don't talk much in reality, so, when I don't talk to them, they think it's fine. I feel so betrayed then. But I guess that's what happens when I don't share my feelings.

I do near 30 totally agree with you, I found it easier to withdrew from all friendships instead of burning my energy with my health case and be in my home, but started a little to say no

It took me that much time too

I'm right there with you... 36 years though.

Hehe 33 and just learnt about codependency.

...I mean I get it.

Omg. I'm in the middle of the vid. And just read this comment. And it's too relatable like all I want from Someone is to treat me as much as I do to them I guess. Like i give my whole attention when they speak, when you just get distracted in the middle of what I'm saying, it's as if what im saying is not that important, I dont ever do such things. When ppl do so I just say "ha ha forgot what I was saying" or "cant remember". Idk. That just hurts.

Yep lol

My life too

But to be honest, we like solving peoples problems. If we didnt we wouldn't bare it. Even though INFJs are problem solvers and give and dont take. We kinda like it. We love mind challenges😎

I started telling people that I'm not an emotional dump truck where anyone can just dump their emotional trash (ie. Family!)... At first people did *not* like it because they thought I was targeting them (I wasn't). But slowly throughout the years, I continued to say it and the people who used to have an issue with it now see how they were misused too and get it now. It pays to continue to grow and stick to your guns. It helps others too... Not just yourself (of course this INFJ would say that 😆).

TRUE. I had this friend who would hang out with me when she and her bestfriend would fight. Then when thry are good and make-up, She treats me like I dont even exist anymore. Like HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA ok see you later when you two fight again.

It's so hard for me to say no. It's a lifelong lesson for me to master... That's how literal and strong the doorslam analogy is in this

I recently learned how to say no, but now I’m learning how to accept when people say no to me.

I’ve struggled with this but am working on it

Me too. But, when I said that, "No", the "guilt" comes rolling inside of me.

True

Tina Steig oh super sweet! I try too with my INFJ but I’m an ENTP and end up talking too much sometimes.

My best friend is ENFP and she does this for me. It's a great balance of friendship for us

I need a friend like you

You remind me of one of my two best friends, who is an ENFP as well, one of the very few people in this world that I can pour my heart out to. Thank you for giving other INFJs the support, we need so much!

You are super sweet❤️

Please share your tips with us haha I'm going mad

enlighten us please!

That's so accurate!

YES

I always had an opinion that indiference is far worse than hatred, because if you hate someone you still care about them in some way

That's perfect.

That's definitely me.

I was just thinking about this myself - that I tend to always validate and rationalize others experiences and they feel so relieved to be fully understood by someone. Yet, when I have struggles or am sensing some trouble with people in my life and try to express my feelings to friends, they just say things like 'um you are overreactive' or 'i dont think so, that person is really nice to me' or whatever. It is hard to not be equally validated or understood.

Exactly. Or they me that I'm overly sensitive, and make me feel bad about myself and often as if I'm looking too deep into things. They don't understand the gravity of some situations. Sure, I'm good at sensing things doesn't mean I'm getting false alarms about everything. And my theories come true later so yeah joke's on em

Eros L I so feel this. It’s why I stay isolated most of the time

I feel this too, have had lots of good friends in my life and no one has ever given me back the same understanding and caring that i have put in for them, and especially in my times of struggle. I wonder how we can handle friendships better?? I am starting to be more reserved so as to protect myself from caring too much, but now my friends are drifting away.

Exactly what's happening with me. I'm not necessarily antisocial, maybe I've also got a good proportion of extroversion so when I'm in my type of crowd and a good mood, I can party and have fun, shop etc with them. But making quality friendships is hard. Especially meaningless relationships.

I had the door slam three times to this girl that I was trying to be friends with I was older than her and she was going through some of the things that I had already been through and she was just so unfortunately her mind was like a a big pile of yarn and too many layers for me to deal with I could have if she would have hung in there with me but she got offended whenever I backed away when I needed to back away because she needed to learn and you know but whatever you know it didn't work out it still bothers me but I know I did the right thing so but anyway God bless

@@barbaranocente8769 Lmao I hate and love that I am hard to understand.

YES YES YES

Yeah, it's freaking relatable...

And sometimes we are.

Mackenna Marks True!!!

same!

Mood

same here

😂 I feel you

We're all rare because our personal experiences and choices affects our personality. So don't worry fellow infj let's embrace this rarity without feeling insecure ❤️

Nothing iz rare thezr days

Mood. Although, one of the typical INFJs favorite past times is introspection, and by extension we seem to be one of the most likey types to watch these types of videos. So it makes sense that there are a lt of INFJs on these types of videos. Plus there is the fact that this is a video about INFJs, lol.

same here 😂

Ha ha, I'm already doing that

Word

Haha 👌

Yes, it really helps! (But I live in a college dorm with roommates... Sometimes there is nowhere to hide. And it's cold outside, I can't even go to parks anymore :'D)

Yep doing that atm

What sucks Is when you do that to a friend you want to date

Nice work on your Mom, there, fellow INFJ. She sounds as though she may have been a bit controlling, and you taught her a much needed lesson. Hope it wasn’t too painful, for you, however.

Had to tell an ex that... like look man... I didn't sign up for this, I don't want to listen to you talk and I can't get a word in, I don't want to support you and not get any support back, I don't want to be your therapist, I want to have fun. People do seem to take our kindness and understanding for granted.

Oh yes, that has been my problem with friends. They love me for that, but I can't go to them nor do they want to share fun times with me. My relationships are one-sided.

It’s because we are highly skilled at intuiting other people’s needs, we are highly empathetic and make very good listeners. When using these combined skills we make other people feel safe and secure enough to offload/dump their whoas on us. Sadly they become conditioned to see us like a child sees a parent. We become pseudo parents to people who haven’t learned to self soothe. What we’re not good at is setting boundaries, although this skill can be learned. That said, many people we meet are not good at respecting our boundaries, which leaves us having to set firm boundaries which they experience as us turning cold 🥶 on them. We end up in mainly one sided relationships because we have the ability to intuitively understand others but others cannot reciprocate, which leaves us feeling lonely. But hang in there because it is possible to meet someone who totally gets you. It happened to me and I ended up marrying the most wonderful man. For the first time in my entire life I lived with someone that I totally got, and he in turn totally understood me. It was a relationship like no other. Pure heaven on earth. No arguments because we were both able to intuitively notice the other person at a deep level. Hang in there. You will find someone, some day, and it will be a meeting of two beautiful souls. ❤️

I am not an INFJ but an introvert as well (INFP) . How about a HAPPY/HYPED narcissistic person to share their good news on you? Their good news are centered mostly on THEIR greatness 😬

So much truth. They only seek when they are in need.

I have often wanted to say to others "I'm the most empathetic sociopath you'll ever meet" Cuz while I can feel others emotions and deeply feel my own, sometime I just don't. It's like I switch off my emotions (or at least dampen them) until I can fully recharge them again

@@Toshella that's the perfect description. Feel so disconnected to everyone including myself sometimes, but also incredibly empathetic.

@@Toshella exactly me but recently I learned HOW to switch my feelings off ,cuz it laterly usually happens at random I'm invincible now baby ; ]

@@bwmanhath3770 perfect description

Eri feels like this could have been written about me

We are a rare breed.

Curious, what do you mean my acid sense of humor?

Oh my yes. People’s idea of kindness appears shallow to me sometimes. It’s deeper within.

I guess infj and infp get along well

A. Kenneth Lol same, I sat in the “misfit” table in high-school because I made friends with the outcast crowd and have always been more interested to talking with ‘odd’ people. Its interesting to think about how INFJs, speaking from my own experience, are attracted to the people the majority deems as weirdos. edit: perhaps because we are the weirdos, lol. Cheers

I’m an INFJ and my husband once told me that I have no emotions. 🙄 LOL

@@starrseed2687 And he still married you...

100% accuracy.

A. Kenneth I relate so much to your comment

Amen and Amen to that

Flush the globalists omg do you have a thing where you distance and they like get demoted from friend to aquaintance?

That seems to be a common thread with INFJs, when we are done, we are done. We feel absolutely no remorse for cutting people out of our lives when they cross the last line.

@@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983 yes i did the same with a best friend of mine for 20+ years recently and two of my exes in the past too

@@yesthatisababytoucan.youre6983 exactly and why should we feel remorse? No one else would have taken their crap the way we did. They burned their own bridges.

Stephanie Murray lmfao!!!!!!!😂😂😂

hahahahha

That was hilarious!!!

Stephanie Murray Yes ppl are very disingenuous. Act like they care when really don’t. It really hurts when ur family r not there for u ever either. Went no contact with them many years ago. Seem to attract narcissists on whatever spectrum. Take care, sorry you’re being disappointed like this.

Hahaha, that was awesome

I’ve never heard a more succinctly crafted sentence describing the daily existence. INFJ-T Super Empath, Life Path 9, Virgo. Please make it stop. How exactly do you purchase your own island, asking for a friend…?

This made me laugh!Yeah that's what I've been thinking but you said it so well

@@beemonroe4330 I would like to know as well !

there is no such thing as infj-t

As an INFP, I totally relate. 😢

Meka chan5 lmao! So true!!! 😝

I seem to have that certain stare/expression going on at times when I’m not really aware of it and the people I’m with at that moment always react the same way: are you ok? makes me cringe every time 😂

I feel like a creep cause my resting B face

I come to enjoy my RBF because it keeps people away. I have a very small circle of people I ALLOW into my life. It’s a gift that should be embraced. It’ll save you a lot of strife

The other day I was waiting for my sister outside of a grocery store bathroom, and a complete stranger walked up to me to ask if I was okay. She looked quite concerned, despite the fact that I was, in fact, in a good mood. The thing is, she wasn't even an employe trying to give good customer service, like I assumed. She was just a random customer. Things like this happen to me probably 40 percent of the time that I leave my house, and even people that are close to me frequently say that I constantly look stressed or depressed. Sometimes they even refuse to believe that I am, in fact, perfectly fine. I heard someone say that they "don't have a resting bitch face, but a resting I-don't-want-to-be-here face", and I feel like that describes me pretty well 😂

I can relate to this so much ❤️

truly, my work mate who sit beside me is a narcissists. then one time i explode, I straight forwardly told her "why she's so narcissist? always blaming me and other whenever she fails. making me always feel guilty for not saving her face!" it's suck. I love my job but she is so draining and a lot of work to deal with. haist, i want my space but she like all my attention because Im the only one who emphathize her. I can't wait the time comes that employees sit be reshuffled again.

The problem is when your mom is a narc, and you have no way to avoid them for too long.

Oooooooo narcs are really riveted towards us but once you learn how to spot them, it’s easy to pretend they don’t exist. Indifference is the answers. *happy sigh*

Answer**

Classic INFJ thing to say lol

@@Ephesians5-14 this comment brings me down even more😂😂

You need to find a way to peace out more... You will be okay then.

Yea. It’s insane how much I can hate the way I think sometimes. While sometimes I love the way I think... so weird

If that really is your profile picture, your eyes are striking. I have those kind of eyes too. I think eyes like ours, along with the fact that people may sense that something is happening when we look at them really freaks people out. And your eyes are lovely just to be clear🙏😏

Me too. Terrible resting bitch face. People assume I’m a snob or aloof.

Probably a thing with a lot of INxJs, also as an Intp I also have an intense gaze and expression. I try mask and develop my Fe though

Exactly! especially when they first meet me I don't know to stop it XD

When you get older, this changes.

Amen. Jesus and the Holy Spirit are my best friends and I don’t really talk to people about my experiences since He understands it all. He also gives me dreams and visions as warnings or a heads up and to bring me peace. Lastly, worship, prayer praise and reading the Word of God and focusing on Jesus Christ has also help me find that He is truly the Prince of peace.

Jesus is the only one here for me every single time. It's been this way since I was three, and now I am 50 and I'm still only have one person to turn to . When he laughs at me I can't help but laugh at myself too lol.

Amen

Miss Dee Haha the obsession with songs! At least for me personally music works as a tool to truly identify and feel my emotions - I can skip songs one after another and suddenly I find one which absolutely resonates my inner state (no matter if it's joy, confusion or whatever) so I start playing it on repeat for like days (literally). I guess my family or friends must hate the song quite fast, but I can't help it! 😂

Tereza Šmídová Same here! My obsession is a bit more extreme. I listen to the same songs repeatedly for years. Lol.

Miss Dee Alright so I'm officially not the only one! I'll try to set some long-term goals and see if I can reach your level 😅

Great comment! I do that with songs and also subjects I am researching, for years on end. I just can't get enough. And also I can't get rid of my notes.

yeah me too.

KALEIDO jess omg yes girl same!! It’s such a struggle

I also strugling verbally, and I way better listener, than talker

oryray amenay 🥶🌬❄️☃️

LOL that was funny

That was funny😂😂 But agree💙🥶

Nice one! I love it!

hellojane I never understood why I always felt drained, not tired, and no one could understand that, until now

All I want to do is sleep.

Idk, like it's so easy to guess things about people and to basically read them and get inside their shoes, and that's not my purpose, but something I am passionate about: helping people. The whole process really is rewarding, but also, so extremley draining. Kinda like You wanna lay in bed, but you don't wanna sleep. Like you need an emotional/social recharge, so you can try to feel for yourself...Idk...

Wow i agree

Sometimes I fear I’m physically unhealthy because I feel drained. It’s exactly as you describe it, not tired, but drained. Just a short appointment to the dentist and talking to the staff will send me straight to bed for hours afterward.

I can see why. I think I absorbed so much pain and anger a few months ago, it's been hard to function. I need to release it, which helps through writing/talking. Obviously if I could talk to the person who caused it, it would help. But I know that is not happening. I tried many times. Being outside in nature can be helpful, but I still need wide open spaces.

Yes. I have been told more than once that I would make a good counselor because I have a lot of insight into people and their motivations, I'm a good listener, and I am genuinely interested in all people. Also, people pretty much instantly trust me. However, I know myself well enough to know that there is no way I could be a professional counselor. I would take all of that pain home with me and I would never sleep. I literally feel people's emotions and cry with them. I could not go through that on a daily or weekly basis.

Thanks Eduardo!

Chloe Muggridge Hahhaahh same

That’s why INFJ is also known as “The Counselor” 😅😅😅

SAME 😂 I recently realized that ALL of my close relationships (outside of family, of course) are buit on me being their councilor, which isn't a very strong foundation to say the least (I know, what a *fun* thing to realize). At least I now have an explanation for why strangers always open up to me. 😂

Same... All of my friends come to me for wisdom and advice. But I cam never depend on them for solid, sound advice. It's exhausting. When I was young, it made me bitter. Now I know it's apart of the package of me and don't give as much to them as I once did.

same here 😂😂 and i even used to ask people y they open up to me when they are even introvert by themselves..and they say we do t knw but u made us feel comfortable 😄

Thank you 🙌

this!! sometimes when i look back at how i was as a child and compare it to now i see why i became intuitive and sensitive (like you said). Don't get me wrong i'm kinda glad to be an infj but sometimes i ask myself "how long am i going to keep forgetting myself?" sorry for my bad english

Same. I had a lot of childhood trauma. That results in either narcissistic or empath

When you live in an unsafe environment you get attuned to other's people thiniest communication in order to keep safe.

yep. I went through many types .. basically trauma changed me until I became the opposite think I was... INFP INFJ INTJ ENT ESTJ or I'm 3 of these.. just in different social settings.

mom.. co depentant aggressive guilt-tripping dad... covert narcissist Emotionally absent dismissive attachment traumatized

Orestes Setsero Ever!!

Never forget anything ever ever ever.

And if someone breaks my heart.... its devastating.

OMG I literally remember everything my wife has everror told me.

Thanks ;)

Nice to hear from a fellow mid-life INFJ gal. Couldn’t agree more…

Happy to hear that!

Om-:0 thank you so much! You best boy

Me tooooo

D M. People often just can't sense the deepness of our many layers of emotions and that we constantly see but excuse others thoughtlessness. There are limits to us excusing other people stomping over our feelings.

helloooo very true

D M I’m the exact same as u

My nickname is doorslammer! 😉

Yea, they don't see it coming.

Lara O'neal It’s always what is not said. Because don’t we ‘say’ a lot of things non verbally, and assume others are doing the same? It’s reading between the lines. Even when someone talks it’s much less taxing because I always fear what was not said. As a server it’s hard when people never acknowledge my actions even with a thank you... It makes me feel lower than dirt when they don’t even look at me. Yes I’m getting paid but I still deserve to be treated like I exist. Alexa, Siri, and Sophia would be better suited for snotty restaurant customers.

Mindy Sioux Yes but I’m talking about what I know they are withholding. Ppl lie through omission all the time. Secretive and basically dishonest. This is what I hate so I terminate any interaction with those types I’m talking about personal experiences not work.

I immediately know what isnt being said... and oh my goodness... its like an ethical dilemma.. do i call them out on what I know they arent telling me.... or do i just let them keep up the facade to feed their egoic needs???

Carrie OConnell If this is a pattern that u pick up on and if u want to continue the so called relationship at all I would call them out on it.and observe their reaction which probably won’t be good. Then that should confirm you should go no contact and simply get out. It’s up to you and your level of tolerance for the toxic behavior. I guess what I’m saying is, if it were me I probably would disappear out of their lives gradually or even suddenly. That’s just me. I do alone really well. I don’t tolerate deception at all and omitting the truth by saying nothing is lying and betrayal to me. That is always a deal breaker for me. If u choose let me know how it goes. Best regards to you.

I agree, and I think that that is actually a large part of the "INFJ stare" thing; they sense that we know what they didn't want to tell us, and feel vulnerable without being able to make out logically why, because they never friggin' said it!

Date for a month. Recover for a year.

@@jammieusa2566 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 facts

It takes me almost a week

Jed Sparks That's one thing I wish more people could understand about us. Like we can't just "get over it"

I've been wanting to learn how to meditate but I don't know how to.

@@carleighrice8891 Besides reading and watching videos, it's important to know there's no right way. That sitting with crossed leg thing? Not necessary. You can meditate lying down. You can say mantras to yourself and benefit like someone calling their attention back to their in and out breath (the way that most start or do). You can watch an ant build its abode (buy and ant farm). You can lie in bed and contemplate the swirled effect of your ceiling if you have that sort of ceiling. You can lie down wherever you have the ability to see the sky through the leaves of a tree. You can watch clouds. You can take a good, deep spiritual book into the bath and let your mind get lost on some point that calls to you and after a while you might find that the water has grown cold and you haven't been thinking--you've been just existing in absolute peace. You can do walking meditation where you stay focused on every step. You can walk Labyrinths (build your own if you have a back garden). You can do yoga if that works for you. The point to meditating is to learn to stay in the present moment and the act of meditating should feel like a mini vacation. This means finding ways to meditate that work for you. A lot of what you see is one size fits all. Find what fits for you.

Yeah I do that in my choir concerts or in any performance I watch

Absolutely! It makes me crazy. It’s impossible to control sometimes.

YES!!!!! Why do I cry when I hear people sing?

Wow. I never equated this to INFJ. I thought I was just whacked- as usual. 🥴

Logan Beringer lol yes the mums. I traveled for 2 days and when I got back home I really wanted to be in a black room for 1 month lol. My mum kept calling and asking if I’m fine and why I’m hard to reach. Um lol I over did it and hit my month limit in 2 days and now I don’t want human interaction unless absolutely necessary.

I learned long ago that this is what I could handle outside of work in terms of social interaction: church once a week, dinner out with close friends, lunch out with close friends. If something else was on for the week, one of those things had to go. I'm an extroverted INFJ and that's all I could handle. Had I been a teacher, it would have been one thing mainly; however, I worked in an office where I could close the door and just get on with my work most of the time.

“Low-battery mode”

Daphne S Because I’m a good listener doesn’t mean I’m obligated listening to them, giving free therapy. Go pay a therapist. Yeah, right there, my cold side is showing.

I had a friend like this and I mean this when I say it-be careful! Protect your energy. Save it for yourself. Once we got into a massive fight and made up, but agreed to just stay distant friends, I felt so much better! I have so much energy, I started working out more and making time to read and write. I also don’t feel too drained to talk to my mom or sister. It is really sad but some people are just like leeches and suck the life out of you. Please just be mindful. If they aren’t giving you any of that energy back, maybe you are better off without them.

🤣 this made me laugh. What a strategy.

@@ttuanmu Literally what i've been thinking all month! Like, atleast pay me if the only reason you talk to me is to vent about problems that you seem to cause yourself!

Alternatively, they are the protagonist that goes around solving everyone's problems that has people giving them endless side quests without giving them a moment to take a break. The older I get, the more it feels like no one is capable of fixing their own problems. It's so weird, since I also feel that I myself am inadequate.

didn't think it was sardonic,he did seem panged about the entire ordeal....for me it was more like "you poor man,let me give you a hug"

"I'm raising me" ...lol . Exactly how I feel

I am also childlike and still love watching animated movies, fairytales, playing video games, daydreaming, listening Ne like songs and that actually feeding my Ni, but I am also have very serious side of me and executing my goals into action

I am 25, but people still ask me if I am a school going girl or not

THANK YOUUUUUUUU

Can I be a princess?

or ice cream cornetto

Idk I disagree. I’m not cold, I just know when it’s time to be attentive, when it’s time to move on, or when impasses reveal themselves. Timing. Some of the world lives in the past not realizing the future is already here. It envelops these people in sand as they lie in statuesque composures. It is THE most valuable commodity because it is so limited to us all. I can never take it for granted again.

same haha

Frank James why not be an ice king?!

Personal space is like pure gold to an INFJ.

Lady Lulu You took words out of my mouth. Setting boundaries was (and still is) my hardest part of truly growing up.

I'm so happy you've done reprogramming. I also had an alcoholic father and also a very anxious mother (still is). A brother that was absent and didn't get me, and a circle of friends that I was bullied by but stuck around and got into illegal shit with them until late adolescence/early adulthood. For the past year almost I've been reading and doing therapy (on and off) as well as daily meditation (thanks to Headspace app which makes it easy). Most recently have started trauma therapy in hoping to rewire the brain because let me tell you guys, as INFJs (especially INFJ-T like myself) if we had our past since small babies full of almost non-stop adversities, then it's very hard for us (it's already hard for a trauma-free-ish INFJ) to balance our emotional side when we're being hurt :( We need to work on building inside of us the parents that we lacked which were supposed.to be there always for and support us. I recommend two books: 1) The Emotionally Absent Mother and 2) The Unavailable Father

I've been there. Still healing and reprogramming my brain.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Lady Lulu I agree I’ve have several traumatic experiences not only in my childhood but as an adolescent. All of my struggles have impacted my life but I’m basically ignoring my past. I don’t think about it throughout my daily life bc even if I do there’s nothing I can do to change it. So I’ve basically come to terms that no one will ever understand me. I’m hoping one day I’m able to open myself up to someone but doubt that day will come anytime soon.

I hate to write comments, let alone "essay" comments lol but I felt like I needed to be understood on this or I'll just be confused. Can anyone else relate to this?

This is my life to a T. If I get dumped on long enough, one morning I wake up and say, "Wow, my battery is completely drained," as if it comes out of nowhere. Then, I avoid the friend that's draining me, and am perceived as cold. For me, I think it's a failure on my end to confront the situation and inform the person they are being an emotional vampire....though that can be a difficult interaction....I totally understand Eros!

Eros L yeah I'm like this with my mother in law

SO true!!!! I've felt this too!

I have this problem as well. I've lost so many friends due to it. I kinda just shut down emotionally.

Setting boundaries helps and hanging out with more positive people who are not draining.

I make candles , I wanna send some for him to light ! It looked so good !

'cause the candle is lit. (I'm joking and I'm not trying to be an asshole)

Jennifer Buchanan What’s your email ? Love candles 🎂

I smell random things allllllllllll the time too!!!! I intuitively caught a wiff of my dad's socks yesterday Like telepathic smelling

Lol

Often, I find when I actually get someone to listen, I am answering my own questions with the best possible solutions or defeating every one of their suggestions with walls that I can already foresee happening. It's probably for the best that we do think for ourselves. The difference comes when it's something practical. Like, if I am hungry, I can ask someone for food. That is easily understood and I can get food without any serious thought about it. What we need emotionally or psychologically (answers to life questions or even relationship advice) we can't take what others say as better than what we know about ourselves. So, how can other people help us? Alot of the time most people help themselves just by talking about it instead of keeping it inside their heads. It just helps to have someone to listen as it's usually awkward to do it alone, even though that could help, too.

I too feel the same, particularly in relationships where the person is initially attracted to my 'warmth and kindness' but they almost don't seem to expect that I too have feelings and problems. I only share them with those I trust but overtime it becomes overbearing for them (yet it's second nature for me to listen to their feelings) and that hurts. I always say 'I can deal with other people's feelings but not mine.'

ElusvOptmst1 totally resonate with everything you stated

Your lenghty explaination is most likely the reason why my circle of friends more resembles a very short arc.

Carlyle Tom funny, but totally true. Perfectly resonates with me.

My oldest grandson is an ENFP. When he was only a year old, I could tell that he understood a lot of the emotional stuff going on around him. My daughter's boyfriend picked up on that. He said, "I've never before met a baby like Connor." I looked after him a lot and we were very close. I moved into the basement suite where my daughter lived when he was three, to look after him pretty much full-time. I was no longer near the church that I had attended and I wondered how I would get to any of the ones that suited my needs and could handle what I have to offer. I never said anything to anybody about my transportation problem. I didn't have money for taking the bus. But shortly after I moved in, when we were in the laundry room, Connor looked up at me in alarm and asked, "How will you get around?" I said, "Don't worry, Connor. God will help me get a car." I was amazed at how a three-year-old child could zero in on my needs like that.

*laughs in hidden*

"A double-sided sword, put in the hands of an emotional ninja" Yeah, that's definitely me.

Ooof me

Same.

Same