I no longer have it. I realize that everyone has their path, and neither I nor anyone else has the right to push someone to be saved. It's the person's choice whether to be saved or changed, and most of the time, people would rather suffer in their hell than be saved. It's their choice, so let them be.
Wow perfect timing I’ve been between infj and infp and just recently realized this savior complex with my friendship and have been working through this with therapy and actually found more peace in working and healing myself to be able to distance myself from my friend without feeling guilty. Because the more I heal myself, the more I realize how draining it is and her healing is out of my hands. Literally the words are so freeing, “oh well, I tried.”
This video was like a one session class and I appreciate you sharing it with all of us! I have had the savior complex before in life. Especially when I was younger and wrapped up in evangelical christianity for a few years. Of course that particular brand of religion almost compels people to try to "save" others and my own INFJ savior complex synced with that. I fell out with them long ago but have had other episodes of thinking that it was my responsibility to save either an individual or even a company or country. But it has always turned out to be futile and a drain on my limited energy. You have made the point in several recent videos that other people have a right to discover and heal their own wounds at their own pace...just like we do. We may have the ability to see other's wounds and motivations better than the average type but what we don't have is the right to try to change others by haranguing them with our "insights" or interfering in their lives "for their own good". We just upset them and actually delay any potential awakening or healing in them since they often just dig in their heels. Its a different story if they come to us for help or its our paid profession. But in general we just need to appreciate our gifts and be sure we ourselves are on the healing journey. Thanks Lauren!
Good timing with this topic! Just last week I came to the realization that I have a savior complex. Wisdom has shown me that a person's healing or moods aren't dependent on how hard I try or the efforts put out by me. That can be disappointing for an INFJ. I have to keep reminding myself that "this isn't my responsibility" and say a prayer for the person instead... give it over to the real savior. This video was immensely relatable and helpful for me personally, thank you.
I am an intp. When an intp says run. You run. I have heard stories of women who spent 20-40 years on a man who was prone to addiction. Then the man does something unforgivable or dies or both. And the woman choses to become a hermit with 2 dogs... Lives in islotation. Bacause she tried to save a junkie for decades and failed. She found out all the people she ignored because they told her to leave him were right all along. I gave an example of a woman because I heard stories lik this mostly from women. But it could just as well be a man who tried to save a woman and failed. A gay relationship or a lesbian one.
I help people in a deep way and go the extra mile for them, if I know they are open for it and don’t take it for granted. But: I don’t expect anything in return. I see what they might need to progress in life, empower them and then let them go. I just enjoy to see them grow and blossom. Mostly we keep in touch, but I don’t expect it. I just give the help I want to give and I am not in for a reward or praise. To me, it kinda feels like a healthy way of dealing with my nature, without losing sight on taking care of myself and put myself first. Oh, yeah, and I’m making it into my profession. To become a psychological counselor/coach. It then becomes my ikigai.
That's so true about being able to see people's "essence" beyond their social masks. And it's not like the deluded "I can see your soul" view that you see in many INFJ circles out there, which can often stem from a place of arrogance, but some INFJs really do have a gift to see people's deeper selves. Regardless, you're right that we have to respect where people are in their lives and not mistake their perceived potential for them actually wanting to grow themselves.
Thanks Lauren, this is very timely video for me. I totally agree with all you have said. It's really difficult for us to give up this personality trait, but it is a draining mental and emotional prospect if we don't.
Very true, Lauren! This has happened to me in my life in a major way, and also in friendships from a young age. I always wanted to help my young friends, even though, most of the time, they didn't listen, but I still tried to help them reach potential. As a young adult I went full-blown rescuer to a friend, who ended up being abusive and was always getting into trouble with the law, with other people, etc. I totally lost myself for almost 20 years. I got away and made a life with a spouse, though that didn't work out for other reasons. It's really hard for us to resist that impulse! 🙃
I can sense an under-current of pain in some souls, however I do prefer the company of just one foxy ENTP tomboy companion. The mind exists in time, it's either thinking about the past, present or future. Since we INFJ's introspect a lot (in the "past" decoding stuff) or we're natural "future" oriented thinkers, it's such a huge relief to find someone that's heavily invested in the "present" time frame, it gets us out of our head... absorbing and learning new things. ENTPs excel in the present time frame. It's going to happen eventually INFJ, when your "Se" matures...being more present minded. My point is, let's live in the present time frame *why in the past with the inner child? Sounds very INFP...they are the past-oriented thinkers, can't let go. I still do advocate for the underdog, but wised up because it's not my job to teach another adult how to behave like an adult...it's their job. Give me an ENTP so my mind can feel refreshed...living moment to moment with the master of spontaneity and fun energy. I was guilty of the savior complex when I was younger, I just thank the MBTI profilers for showing me which personality type works best for us INFJ, ...makes me wonder why other INFJs don't follow their advice? Jesus can't save Satan, but they sure can walk side by side together... contemplating human psychology and human behavior.
This is very accurate. I feel shame for being like this sometimes and wonder when it veers to co dependency. Its challenging to see someone in so much pain and want to help and wrestle with how to navigate.
This is really helpful. TY. In order to avoid further loss of myself into a relationship with a wounded partner I avoided dating for a few decades. When I finally heard someone I was attracted to again, he turned out to be a confusing & damaged Vet with a bunch of RU-vid channels I had to walk away from. To make a baby step towards dating again someday, I turned him into an imaginary Boyfriend based on that guy's best qualities. I didn't think this through tho. It might be harder to get a guy out of your head after you break up with him if he doesn't actually exist. Oh well, live & learn. I'm new, but I really love your channel. Thx!🤗
Thank you for your content!! It has really helped me to learn how to harness my potential seeker energy properly. I’ve learned that it’s okay to want to help people if they ask for help and advice. It’s okay for me to make adjustments when I feel like I’m losing myself in my relationships
your observations and analysis is right on the mark... keep it up... your format is highly accessible and conceptually easy to process , web thinking patterns all the way Lauren! They must find their own path,, I offer scenarios and choices, but NEVER tell them how or what to do,... I refuse to steal their freedom of choice, the must become empowered independently to find their essence and a genuine version of themselves and learn how to heal.. but of course, only if they are ready and they truly want to ... good listners we INFJ's will alweays be, but to use our skills conservatively and very carefully ... great broadcast today, happy to be anew follower... Savior? may as a mentor but never try to save anyone,.. we have enough of a challenge of healing our own wounds and don't always know how to deal with our own "INTERNAL" but so easily spot external pain so easily in others.. We must humbly accept our limitations and at the same time maintain an equalibrium of balane and focus without overdoing it.. self awareness is key
It's hard for me to watch my friends be fooled so easily. And it's hard for me not to say anything when I see the pattern of scammers and frauds. I'll usually say something to warn them and sometimes it's taken by them like an insult to their intelligence when I'm only trying to help. I've learned how to hold back more and not say anything. After all it's their choice and their decision to make.
In my perspective and lessons: you can’t heal a person if they don’t wanted to be heal. If you wanted to heal a person and understand them, first you have to it with yourself. You can’t heal a person if you don’t know how to heal yourself. Everything starts within yourself. I understand my nature, if a person needs help I’m not going to denied my help. The savior complex we wanted to heal and we wanted to live in a harmonious and peaceful world, we fight for it, and we have to learn our lesson and brake the chains. Simple process of life and growth.
Do you think you could have a White Knight Complex not with an individual, but with... An entire city? And could it be something different or potentially just as toxic?
I’m an INFP with an ESTJ/P? mother, and while I am drawn to wounded people in order to comfort and heal however I can, she says we are the same but she is competitive in nature and doesn’t want the wounded to heal, but rather uses their woundedness to make herself feel better about herself. We are not the same at all because their pain is not joyful or energizing to me like it is her. Even though being there for others is at times draining, I could not leave a person to suffer which is why I want to help. I hate being seen as seeking the wounded to boost myself. Anyone ever had a relationship with someone who believes they are the same as you, but you can see they aren’t, and it hurts to be lumped in with them? It really tugs at my INFP sensibilities as it is unfair and wrong on so many levels.
