00:00:00:00 Introduction
00:02:13:00 Justin’s Opinion of me.
00:05:42:00 Inside My Mind
We know that you mean well but you are not an INFJ and your best is, well, your best but we already know it won’t be good enough and even if we let our guard down and it is or very good we will not feel complete for it is I who want to do for you because I chosen to trust and love you.It is so strange of a feeling t want to allow you to do your thing but as much as we want it we do not like it. It creates an uncomfortable feeling of anxiety that says, “ Just let me do it for you are going to fuck it up and turn me off to you. “ And the sad part is that you do not even know it is coming and within this life time you could never even know it. This is why the Extroverted types with dominant and independent stacks do not work for the INFJ. They try to take control and the INFJ and the second the INFJ feels that it is almost like a light switch and the INFJ turns away. Even though the INFJ feels the wrong inside their head they know they cannot control it and to the mature INFJ they will understand it and just surrender to it and let the relationship go instead of hating or mis treating you. For the younger INFJ they will make the mistake of going against their thoughts and feelings thus creating this confusion of chaos inside there head. It is almost like a looping of back and forth that will not stop. It feels like a deep sadness that will not go away. The hurt the INFJ knows they are going to create for the other person but more importantly can you imagine how it must be for the INFJ who is mature and knows what is coming or for the immature INFJ who does not know but only knows within the rear view mirror the path of broken relationships.You do not even know it but the INFJ does. It almost doesn’t even matter how long the relationship has been around. If it has been a long term relationship the INFJ will just stack in the closet waiting for the door slam to come. The INFJ knows it is come and the sadness and the depression starts. If it is a new relationship the sadness comes on hard and then goes away and will not linger like the former for the latter has not had a chance to accumulate the love and the trust in the other person. For this reason the INFJ is able to escape the deep and long lasting sadness of yet another relationship torn apart by the very inside of the mind of self.I think the hardest part is the mental gymnastics that the INFJ goes through on how to talk it out with the other person, knowing it won’t matter for the level of depth that these thoughts come from are not known by others nor can they even be imagined by others. The INFJ has experienced it too often either knowing, for the mature IFJ, or not knowing, for the immature INFJ, that it is a waste of time for when the person does ultimately fail the INFJ will close the door and walk away in sadness knowing it was their perfectionism and their own mind that destroyed it yet again. What is most sad to the INFJ is that they know it was not their fault and the inability to care for the other person and share with them that it is not their fault pushes the INFJ deep into depression. For most INFJs they will not even know how to start the conversation so the INFJ will manufacturing an ending event that they know is at the level of the receiver’s comprehension because the truth, hidden within the depths of the INFJ mind, cannot be understood. The INFJ does not want to deal with the avalanche of questions that are rooted in superficial whining and ridiculousness. For the INFJ just wants to scream out loud, “ Why don’t you fucking get it? “ before retreating into yet another isolated feeling of depression and sadness. What is the paradox of this all? The INFJ loving who they are, never wanting to be different or anybody else, The self-esteem is too grounded and too solid, will wait till it passes because it takes time for the INFJ to collect it all and process it all but no matter how long it takes, the INFJ will get up yet again and try again even knowing 100% that it is walking the same path.And with each step the INFJ prays for the day when it can just be normal and for me I know that day will only come when I take my last breath. I love who I am. I love me. I love my strength. But the curse of the INFJ is real and I wish just once that I could share this with someone, hand it off to them and let them take it and feel it for themselves. To be free of it for just a moment in time. To know what it feels like to be what I call normal, instead being inside the loop I cannot stop.To all those who suffer to some degree as I do, I feel it and understand it, for even if we were to meet I know I would even do the same to you and that is the ultimate nail in the coffin for the life of the INFJ.With all this said, the absolute truth that I would not want to be anybody else is the ultimate self: Fuck you! …and there are those who want to be an INFJ??? - Marty
20 окт 2024
