INFJ | #1 thing you must do if you have the rarest personality type. 

A lot of people mistake being real for being “negative”. I get it all the time

It's like watching me as a male and at 50. Dude... am home. This...you are so INFJ... AM GLAD I FOUND MY EXACT KIND. INFJ is exhausting ... if only all knew

I so relate to you. I am the happiest, most productive and in the same sense I am extremely anguished about this zombie forsaken world.

As an INFJ, I absolutely loved watching this. It was quite therapeutic and relieving watching you get triggered and easily calm. As a fellow teacher, I absolutely relate to not leaving one heart or mind behind -- we all matter! It just requires a time and patience to create lasting understanding. Thank you for making these!

I have never watched you before, but I got to your question: 'Why do I CARE?" I answered it for you, "Because I am an INFJ." and then you said it. I had to laugh.

As a female INFJ I definitely can relate on so many levels. So refreshing to have someone like you authentic and raw👏🏽. So many times we get court up with helping people like Dorothy off the wizard of oz and all we ever wanted was to go home and relax and detox from the world. But nooo someone always needs us. Some for blessings and some for lessons 🤭😁😂

My analogy being an INFJ (level of thought wise) is that I am a deep-ocean fish, such as an anglerfish, while it feels like everyone around me are reef fish, or open-ocean cruisers. Listening to you talk about the level of darkness you got to, and what it took to get somewhere brighter made perfect sense, as does the need to give context to the person. I also understood from a recent video of the invisible lack/loss of trust that it can become necessary to do so to feel genuine.

Loved this video!!! Such honest communication!!! I'm jealous/in awe... one day i hope to be so 'open' with my feelings... i'm in my early 60's ... trust is something that i am learning... 2 steps forward and 1 backwards.... mostly i have started trusting myself and that is slowly starting to expand to include some/ more others!!! I agree... no point in talking about where you are now if we don't know where you have been!!! It leads to better understanding/ being able to trust.. in what you say and your authenticity. Loving the channel. Thankyou for all you do for all of us infj's.

I just love the way you talk 👌

The INFJs ability to zoom out and always consider the big picture and introspective nature helps them understand concepts about humanity as a whole which I believe make it easier to lean into spirituality since it’s all about collective consciousness

Really great videos.. Its damn hard being an INFJ and even harder to make people understand what you are and why you do what you do. I dont know why but I really feel we are magnets for M.N.P.s somehow... In one of your videos you told about your ex wife where she told u get a job and u told her that u will work so much better than ur superior that they will get threatened and ploy to fire you or make your life hell. I can serious relate to that. It has happened with me a couple of times. For us INFJs its really really dark before light. Thats our fodder for success, for becoming who we are. Really awesome content. Its good to finally find someone who actually does not sugar coat the INFJ personality.

"I know my hair is out of control, I just don't care anymore." Hahahaha 2020 got us all like that lol

It's a daily struggle to decide whether or not to be good or bad, because it is a choice. What aligns with my soul an what feeds the primal aspects of being "bad" as a sense of power or the relief to not care anymore an shut out.

The build-up on the journey to the destination end of the video was well worth it. I was thinking about getting my PhD in Psychology... For the same reasons, to understand. Buuuuut, i gotta say it makes so much more sense to just focus on the important ones for us to know and that's it. You've saved me years from getting a degree 🤙. Now I can harness these INFJ powers in more useful and applicable ways in a more timely organized way. Can't wait to see what your other videos have in store. I'm so happy to have found this and the comment section itself it so invigorating to see, too!

I totally agree that the Cluster B, BP and MNP are the most important aspects of the human individuals to figure out for an INFJ. I agree with your introduction of malignancy as essential to view the whole spectrum of personality traits and get a hold of oneself and finally grow like never before as an INFJ.

I discovered your channel last night. For the first time in my life I feel understood. Thank you.

Love your straight talking.

I never forget. I only understand! Only and Forever. I love this video so much i look at it like 1 once s week!!!!!

Entire body vibrating with recognition and relief that I cannot watch but a couple minutes of this at a time. Yeah, now the tears...gulping that there is such a planet as INFJ and that I am hearing someone else from there describe home.

Thank you so much Marty , you are such a light to me in your advice. Always a pleasure to hear from you. ♥️

BOOM 💯💫 No I do not trust you because I know you. I just got here. What you state is clear in my inner knowing, because it is what has caused so much unhealthy pain in my heart... knowing something is off and wrong with someone else but insisting STILL to go in and "support/save" them. Afterwards, when the storm subsides and the wreckage is visible (and yes I use the dark as freely as you do since my early teens, even when I express burn it all... I am not filled with any hate or darkness -- though I havevbeen ANGRY)... Fact is, the wreckage inspection showed me who these people really were, and I def must learn this as part of my next season. So I protect my heart.

Marty you are so friggin right on. All of your videos fit me like a customized glove. I've been seeing a shrink for 3 years and you provided the information I needed to put 2+2 together. Thank you...

I hadn't seen this video. Honestly, thank you for helping me make sense of my own INFJness. There has been so much challenging me and finally clearing it up by your articulation is a huge relief for me. You guided me understand what all this in my head is. I am nothing but grateful and humbled. You are doing more than you know. Big hug Marty!

It's important to make the videos you make!! I am totally captivated and your videos brought me to the light. It's like a hand holding mine through the infj perils to realize it's all part of the process. You have given hope with all your experiences. If I saw you walk by me, or listened to you talk ordering a coffee i would have never guessed you went through anything like you have. If you can emerge victorious....I can to...thank you friend VINDICATED

I totally agree! Light makes no sense without darkness in every sense. Once again, thank you from the heart for your work and this video, Marty!

I so relate! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

You could be right about the darkness and the INFJ experience. I have experience with all the areas pointed out. The darkness is beyond everyone’s understanding and the others usually tell me they would have killed themselves or why didn’t I kill myself before they then see me or describe my being as an angel or such. Trusting the self is at the heart of it. Becoming your own best friend actively everyday knowing your love of life and self. I made a beautiful bracelet out of elk leather and beads which took over 4 weeks working 12-15 hours /day. I gave this one to myself when I married myself. I wear it daily as a reminder of the trust and love I embody in all that I do everyday. All that we do everyday of our lives is out of this love. The pain and all the darkness we witness everyday is great and overwhelming though our love and dedication to life is greater. We make a difference in all that we touch. Authenticity, dark to light, I do it the same way. From doctor to healer, a different kind of way that works every time. To know, understand and have compassion is the way. The wild way, I don’t control my hair either, it doesn’t matter. Don’t try to straighten up for others, anymore. Don’t have too.

I've stumbled on to your channel by sheer accident about a week ago and holy cow every video resonates deeply with me. About 3 years back I had an emotionally catastrophic breakup and it made me obsessed with what was wrong with me. I got blamed for things, gaslit, told I was an extreme psychopathic narcissistic monster. I believed it at the time but as I've come out of isolation and got input from other people and really dug deep into my own head, yeah I'm an INFJ. Full blown. My life has been a complete nightmare... in my own head. I love how real you are, so many INFJ videos are trash. Wankfests (for a lack of a better term) on how special, unique, and blessed they are. I've met a lot of people professing to be them. They are awkward socially, but like people, are highly emotional, wear weird clothes, blah blah blah. I call BS on that. It suuuuucks so bad. I've spent 3 years working on figuring out this brain minefield and I've finally started embracing it this last year. It's miserable and awful but at least I'm aware of it now. By the time I discovered your channel, most of your videos are confirming what I've come to know already but it's comforting knowing I'm not alone. I'm 34 but most of my years I was alone, in a fog, lost, terrified of everyone. I thought something was horribly wrong with me, maybe I was an alien, maybe I was possessed or had my soul devoured by demons? I had no answer other than just isolate, avoid everyone, especially very emotionally charged people. I just really appreciate how raw and brutal your videos are. It's real and honest and I really really appreciate it. Thanks!

😂😂😂😂😂 I loved this video and your explanation. Love people who know and have an understanding maybe even mastery of their darkness. Ah! Thank you for the recommendation on things to learn about. I’m obsessed with personality. Inspiring!

Wow. This was eye-opening. Thank you

Marty, you just said exactly what I needed to hear.

Marty, I have to say, you have become one of my favorite youtuber / personalities. Someone I can relate to, and has helped guide me in many ways. I just wanted to say I appreciate you, and the effort you're putting forward to make these videos.

Thank you for your insights into things. It helps me so very much to understand myself.

It is crazy you are the only person who can really make me laugh and I relate to everything you say and the way you say it. I too was abused by my stepdad and till this day I think of hurting him and I try to tell myself to forgive forget but then I am like f*ck I am not forgiving this man I don't have to but then I will switch later on. Also thank you for the note to self-recognize I will use that to stop myself when my mood shifts. One more thing I was also getting triggered to understanding it from your point. This really resonated with me. Thank you

I absolutely 100% and totally agree with this advice. It's crucial!.

Positively positive thanks for the great info🏅

Holy crap! THANK YOU! My closest, very beloved INFP kept telling me I needed to forgive. I hated that advice and I LOVE your advice! Your advice feels correct. I don’t WANT to forgive because if the tables are ever turned and I ever do something that’s too far across someone else’s line, I would NOT simply be worthy of their forgiveness, nor would I expect it. It would be MY cross to bear, unless I busted my arse and genuinely EARNED that person’s forgiveness. Almost no person will ever try to earn the forgiveness of those they’ve violated. It’s one of the things I dislike most about the current human condition. That’s how MY heart and mind works. So, once again, THANK YOU.

As an INFJ, I appreciate your videos. I can relate. Thanks for sharing!

I get both of you... my sense is that you are speaking from different places, but both of you are speaking as a speaker, or advisor. I think that stirs up a silent vibe of competition which can feel like conflict, something I can't stand, and ... INFJ trait wanting justice, clarity - hence "spinning," an experience I know too well also. TY Marty & Jerry E.

Psychology...Brene Browns research....Vulnerability is required before Trust can take shape. So you sharing your dark times and being vulnerable = the trust you are shooting for, BOOM! You are rocking it, Marty!

You're the most frankly INFJ i ever know in the public(such as a content)so far, even we're had age gap i still get it bcs we're INFJ(right?)😂 and u done pretty good job to describe how our feeling, how we work into a word that sometimes i struggle with(idk if this just bcs i still too young or whatever). Thank u so much to sharing this video btw 👍

Marty thanks for sharing, the relateability is pretty strong for me and is helping me feel less alone. I dont think Jerry's comment was as pointed as it may have seemed, but I do think you've been persecuted to be like everyone else and fall in line to have a positive mentality all the time...if you're anything like me Haha. I think it's a gift to have the courage to be so honest and if other people cant handle it than they dont know how to wield a knife in a paper world. Wishing you a good one man hope you make more content soon.

If only someone gave me that advice 31 years ago. I am so glad that I stumbled across your content. You are an inspiration.

Hi Marty, it is really frustrating when people would not understand you but I have learnt from my experience that other personality will never understand INFJ because we are so different and always in our heads, more than in the real world. Watching your videos is really relaxing. By the way, msg in this video is absolutely right and vital for our mental health.

You're a true INFJ. I'm the same and this content fully resonates. & btw, 😊 I dont think your hair is crazy. It's a contradiction to your passion & grace. Best to you..☀️

TRUTH. And always establish and maintain boundaries

Keep up the good work! This is the stuff INFJs have been needing to hear. Im noticing people who get triggered or question our process are actually not INFJ. And I hate to be the captain of whats obvious, but im going to assume you are trying to reach INFJ who are lost and need guidance. So you need to reveal the process and the cold hard painful truth of what we have and have to experience. I know you know this 🤦‍♀️ of course. That was for Jerry E or anyone else who feels and thinks the way he does. I personally have felt ashamed that I have needed to dip into the dark, in the past, bc society told me this was bad, that this path was wrong, shameful. No, the bad and the wrong in any of this is that I would share it with idiots that wouldn't understand. I just recently realized that life is like a math problem, why do you care how I get to the answer as long as I finally get to the answer. If you ask me how I get there and you start to disagree with my process, then I'm done. Walk away. And let them come back to me when they are emotionally or mentally ready to hear me. Otherwise, I am wasting both of our times. Sadly I still fall for it, but get better every day 😁

I guess irony is our catch-22s 😂. I get you and can relate. Love from a Virgo INFJ-T.

I'm sorry if it's random but I really like the harrison wells (from the flash) vibe of you lol ,an infj right here 🙂

Great video.

One word wins the day.. AUTHENTIC , agree disagree. ,right wrong,it's Marty true to himself...

I appreciate you so much.

In my case I was born in the light. Sadly to say as an adult. I’ve had to and also willingly taken small vacations in the dark knowing that it was trouble. Because people don’t realize how lonely the light is. Especially when you have no light allies there with you. Your alone in the world and everybody around you is hungry. 😕

glad I found your channel but I wish I knew this years ago.. :} my boundaries would have been set... catching up on all your channels now..

It's funny down here in my dark place bpd was the first thing i found when i was looking for answers. Infj came to my attention later but you made me believe in my abilities more than anything. Time is slow though.

Your honesty is so uncommon

I will take that advice thank you. I've suffered alot with narcs and toxic family, of course I'm the scapegoat 😂😂😂but it is what it is! I will look into these other mind states as well!

👏👏👏great video 🙏

Thank you for sharing all the info....I AM searching myself, I’ve suffered emotionally all my life. (Im 48 years old).Cant take anymore bullshit of doctors/psychiatrists. No one gets me!!!Lately, I’ve been reading, listening for signs/ clues. This video helps.

Marty:”I’m going to make you watch till the end.” Me: fast forward towards the end lol

The most dangerous people to INFJ's are narcissists/Cluster B's, especially family. I wish there was a course in high school on this. I'm almost 50 myself, and I just started learning this first hand in the past 2 years. I'm gonna say I guess I've been pretty blessed, comparatively. Managed to instinctively push people away who I got on my radar, including family. One always slips through though. The financial hit has been exhausting. God I hate Narcs. This video is absolutely, unequivocably, 100% correct.

Thank God I found this channel

Thank you for that advice! Most of your videos is what I'm going through rn. I'm a young INFJ-T who are under recovery from anxiety. Your vids helps me to accept, understand and survive for what I was and who I am. It was never too easy but atleast I am surviving.

Wow . Thanks for the advice. Intj female here.

Thank you so much

Thank you for your videos.

You are so best at getting my life! I need you to do this for all infj to understand. I am dark, i move on IF i ger the answer. Like whats the meaning of life i asked myself at age 8 in my head (Sophies secret world) arter like a year i got it!! The meaning of life is to wunder about it lol! Of i got the anser i Move on! Jerry E haha i love how defensive this is in a bissare way that i love! Please tell me all day how dark shit is and then shine abut the sun outside. OUR RIGHT TO EXPRESS ALL EMOTIONS FOR ONCE.

.. I do wish you had finished with what specifically becoming an expert on cluster B means or what value is given to the INFJ for having that expertise. I do see some hints to that from the couple videos I’ve watched not knowing what “cluster B” was yet since I hadn’t gone to google it yet. Maybe I’ll stumble upon a video where you deep dive on that soon. Love your videos and realness. I prefer authenticity to acting like we don’t have dark or go dark.

Wow, no one wants to go through the process of establishing trust. I understand what it feels like to over share, and it is like there is build up when someone asks a question and it floods out. You want to be understood that much. You want to help that much. It can be a world of trouble without boundaries or knowing who is worth your time to share with. Most people do not want to go into a in depth conversation. Explaining your thought processes helps someone understand how you came to your conclusion, and people do not take that kind of time or want to know or do not understand how to backtrack their thoughts in that kind of way. To me I have to agree with how you got to there for trust, it has to be logical and make sense for trust to happen explaining alone doesn't build trust. People also think this explaining is egotistical, but it is deductive reasoning and we want that back so we understand others. This doesn't always happen the way we want or the people we want it with. Thx for putting yourself out there!

Marty it would be awesome to sit down with you and have some intellectual conversation. West lake village is such a good area I’m sure you are loving it. Goodluck on the channel

So true so me all my life. We have to address BS fluff and the deeper darkness all the hurts all the root causes to get to the fulfillment and the light and the happiness. Like i get how you read so much behind Jerry's comment. He gives a one liner you read the depth behind his words and the analysis that went into your comment. I don't even know if he will fully appreciate it but i did it explained so much about how i think. Thank you another explanation of my own mind i appreciate it.

The fact that you replying to everyone, and not ask for subscribe,,,, what makes me believe you are a true INFJ

You are reading my mind

Aha makes so much sence,thk you,thk u,thk u so much...

OMG 😀😀😀😀😀 exactlyyyy... That is my entire problem with my bf that i dont know how to explain it to him.... But i thank you so so so much for this delicate and deep and important move❤❤❤i am so amazed and so sad that i cant talk to you in face😢🌹

This is insane, I’m an INFJ and I’ve taken a liking to Dr.Ramani on RU-vid she is an expert on narcissistic personality but also talks about other personality disorders.Somehow intuitively I felt the need to study up and intrigue on this subject!!

the lost feeling. I was always alone. I thought I had a problem lol.

I understand more about myself now and why so many people have and will not even understand me

And this is the thing, people who you choose to help or empower by sharing any dark chapters to show them how and empower or inspire... Often, not all. Will think you just want them to feel for you, see your problem, or help you. Frustrated me to no end in the past with friends I was always listening to and hoping to nudge them into their own solution, cause it was RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF THEM. But, didn't seem possible to reach them so finally I gave up. But this is how I communicate. If I do not explain with a life example something I know first hand, my point is moot in my book. Theoretical, just ignore it. If you need input from me, I will share examples. Been working on curbing that, but it's not nature and it's also not workable for me or how I process the world.

I don't normally comment and I feel I need to say that as a warning. I find you hilarious and I don't know if you intended to be that way. I often find things funny and then people don't mean them to be funny. So I will apologize if that is what is happening now. But I do think you are intentionally being funny which is why I'm taking the risk to comment. Because a laugh so hard almost peed my pants and that's a compliment at how funny you were being. I rarely find people that funny and I've never found someone who can explain things like you can, that's also a compliment. Please don't feel the need to comment back, I probably wouldn't respond. nothing against you I just don't like talking to people I've very strong boundaries against it. I don't like to develop the friendship thing that you've talked about in another one of your videos that was also funny and informational. Thanks for making your videos. This seemef awkward for me I don't think I'll do this again.

Thank you

I’ve been in and out of relationships with cluster B personalities. I did become an expert, after 5 times through the ringer.. Wish I would have had this advice when I was young. The only problem is that they are the only people who generally want to be in relationships with me. I’m too much for normal people to handle..

I trust you

It seems like he’s describing his INFJ journey. Went from bark to the light. I understand what “ the light “ is and means. But I had to learn the hard way. To turn it off like a light switch when you leave a room. I had to stop people pleasing. Because most people are never happy. They just want more and more.🙂

Mind you- I just started watching you so I’m digging into my experiences. You care because someone misjudged your character. Every thing you suffered and you still want to save the world from suffering. If you were not a true infj You would have become a narcissist for the childhood suffering and never broke the generational pattens of abuse. Applause use for that. People pleasers are the mirror of narcissists, just as manipulating for their own survival. Heal to go from dark to light. I think about 50 years old w/o help like these videos is a marker for a infj to to be a professional at it. What about the dark and light experience simultaneously? Going to watch that video now. I think it’s possible narcissistic neglect and abuse mixed with a wonderful happy relationship with say another parent or an incredibly special animal that you trust (a hero) is what is the different between a narc cluster b etc. and the codependent or healthy infj Forgiveness of abusers is important, but only after you have dissected them enough to feel sorry for them because of what you find there. I know that painful root of JUDGEMENT is ON TOP OF A DEEP PAIN OR WRONG like a trash can lid, a tombstone or better yet monolith. It’s been judged! How do we forgive what has been righteously judge in order to be happy when judgement is who we are and what saved us from becoming a narcissist ourselves? Well, digging up the dead as many times as you need to re judge and judge again and finally you’ve figured them out to know that how they became the monster they are was maybe even worse than your experience and they did not have the mental tools of an infj to be their own comfort and healer. There really is a possibility to forgive but it does involves healing and no contact learning everything you need to know about the narcissist, cluster b etc I order to build your own safety in the world. If you don’t have that safety of knowing your enemy and recognizing them you can not forgive. You are still unsafe because they are still threatening you. They always spot you first. You need to be able to recognize them and have your wooden stake on you always. Buffy the vampire slayer, killing the monsters but still eh be sleeping with a few. They want us, we fall for some... but Hey Buffy, those guys are still monsters, it’s not love -they desperately need your light for a spot of peace. Be aware of wolves I sheep’s clothing, wise as serpents but gentle as doves 🕊. But keep your silver bullets and wooden stakes in your pocket... Jesus was all about infjs and His mysteries to unravel are things of the Christian Mystic. Look at Einstein’s views on religion. Googled: Soul comes from the Greek word Psyche. Hmm

Eyyy, looked up the personalities, and found out I’m a cluster C. 👍🏻 I’m an avoidant personality.

What are some things I can do to aid in wrapping my head around the fact the no matter how much I show that even I've never shown a reason to trust me but absolutely no reason to not trust me, that others cant see that? I've tried multiple ways to word this hoping you understand. I'm finding it very difficult to walk away from someone I know to be rational and intelligent but because life jaded him is unable to see that difference, no reason to trust but no reason not to. 5 years of personally witnessing me be emotional but always focused on helping my inner circle, why cant people shift their mindset. I get becoming an expert in the things you said but I'm having a hard time creating boundaries or letting go of my stupid hope

👍 Marty

I’m an INFJ - I wanted to ask you a question on How do you deal with being in a room of people and where to look without getting anxious & hearing everyone’s comments but your own….

It is like math....teachers want the simplified answer, but you only get half credit if they do not see the work. Most people do the work in their head and it is hard to map it back out that brain function. Half credit is good enough. We map out things and can explain them, most people are at a loss at this ability or do not want to take the time. I believe you have to understand how to use this skill and with people who appreciate it.

I don'"t forgive people either. People always tell me that bullshit. I always reply: I think if you forgive someone who never apologized to you, you are actually betraying yourself.

So it’s the most important thing to learn for us so that we can see it understand it and in doing so heal it within us and others,thus protect ourselves and the world from it?

I feel like I’d be making more progress with regulating if I thought the future was going to be good. Is it codependent to have a psychological paralysis because the paths and patterns of current human behavior and the whole system are not heading in a good direction?

Self regulating is the bridge to self control perhaps

How do you break this habit of overexplaining oneself ? I do it because it matters to me, but I also know others can see it as ingratiating and potentially 'weak and needy'.

MARTY...YOU ARE MY 'SPIRIT 'ANIMAL'...GET OUTTA MY HEAD 😁

I think my dad might be an infj but he seems very extroverted but he has a lot of traits like narcissism (healthy one) hes emotionally intuitive he is very intelligent at first i thought he might be little bipolar becz his moods are always extreme But when u talk about childhood trauma he goes insane on some trigger s when i see u i feel like u r sooo much like him helps understand him better i dont know it yet but i feel like he is

Hi.. (I'm making this comment after listening to your introduction).. You're doing something that I would do.. then I'd look back and think, "why did I do/say that?"!! You're explaining yourself .. You don't need to explain yourself to a bunch of people who either aren't knowledgeable on the subject and do little to no research, before airing their negative opinion, or throw stones at others to reaffirm or elevate their own selfworth.

Im INFJ with BPD 😪

Sorry to all the "non-INFJ's", that made perfect sense. Why else would you talk of the dark stuff? And yes that is indeed what you must do.... Heed this young extroverted feelers, as thoroughly and promptly as possible. Unfortunately it took me many many moons. Because, as luck would have it, I was born to a "Covert Narcissist" mother that had a marked interest in my not developing an interest in this way. She was not BPD, not malignant narcissist, something morbidly in between, but akin to both. All the actions of a borderline, but with the awareness and intent of a malignant narcissist. I never broke from the cycle of trying to fix my mothers issues in all of the like women I could "get close to".... yeah right! How naive/arrogant I have been most of my life.... Why would they try to "fix" what they see as their superpower over the dummies. If only I had've developed a healthy level of self interest a lot earlier in life, I may have avoided some of the torture from those I chose to have in my life....