INFJ | What every INFJ must learn to do? If not, your life may not be as happy as it could be. 

Damn, if this isn't the realest shit I've ever seen.

I'm becoming a regular here🤣love this guy

You know he is a real INFJ Bc of that laugh 😂 the laugh when your explaining something and learning more about what your explaining as your explaining it or when your explanation is coming together and your excited from the deep ness of it

Annnnd that is why I live like a hermit. 🤣

I am an INFJ and my mother is a Cluster B. This video was spot on, and very therapeutic. Thank you!

I have come to believe that Cluster Bs ultimate goal is not to have the problem solved at all. The act of engaging your time, attention, and focus on themselves is the attempt to pacify their anxiety. Unfortunately for them, they have an unlimited amount of anxieties/ insecurities, and all of you will never be enough. I say set the boundary depending on how much energy you have to give, not how much energy they want. They will just move on to the next person to talk at who seems to respond. Its not about a solution, its them self medicating their anxiety with your attention. My loop is then to alternate between being annoyed at the unproductive time i spent i will never get back, then being annoyed at myself for being annoyed ;)

I have been spending my last 3 years to learn how to say "no" and set boundaries. It is easier to be said than done. I am seeing my therapist regularly. Having said that, he basically gives in this video the best gift & advice for INFJs and why they MUST take action in this regard. Worth watching. Thank you very much Marty!

You are the ONLY Real INFJ that i can actually relate to completely on youtube. You are true and real unlike many fakes i see. thank you so much.

This is probably the reason why I dislike unstructured conversations. My combo of Ni and Fe would like to dwell on what a person is saying, trying to find solutions, looping and analyzing every facet of their conversation, but I'm at a loss because they're not there to ask for advice; they just want to talk -- whereas I'm already wired to give advice or some brilliant insight that they can use. If I don't know the topic, I don't know how to respond. If I know the topic, I want to get to the 'essence' of it and help them learn, but they want to stay at a surface-level. I find it hard to be with them in the present. Multiply that by three, four, five, or ten or sixteen people in a group, talking everything under the sun, jumping from one topic to another, each sub-group probably having their own bubble of inside jokes and insider-info rapport, connecting effortlessly..... No wonder why they usually ask, at some point of their conversation, "Am I okay?" because I'm as silent as a rock, not knowing what to contribute. And then the group disbands, with people still not figuring out what's going on with me, what's my deal, what makes me tick, who is the real ME -- almost nobody knows how to deal with me. 🤣🤣🤣

This is the first time I'm commenting on a youtube vid. I've watched soo many vids on the INFJ loops and the way you put it is 100% accurate, its scary how accurate it is. I had to comment. Please keep making vids, theyre amazing.

My mouth drops open in surprise to hear such a profound and accurate explanation about myself that I wasn't even aware of it until now! Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Marty! I had to write a comment under this video because it’s was just too effing good. I never felt so understood! I loved the way you helped me to visualize this mental process. I’m a very visual person. And, god damn... I hate when I’m in the anger and regret phases on these cycles. Please keep making videos and keep talking about all these intricate details and nuances related to being an INFJ. I’ve never seen videos that go deep like this and talk about all the intricate things we do in our head lol It helps me so much to continue to learn and understand what needs to change in my life. I’m getting better at walking away from people who don’t want to heal or grow. It’s exhausting and like you said, I just want to go do shit for me to be honest. Ugh, I could say so much about this video but I just want to keep learning from you. Keep up all the good work!

OMG thank you. Mentally Tired and exhausted. I just want to be alone. This is so helpful as I want to be happy!

Very, very, very true. Leads to something we call learned helplessness. After a while the most capable person (INFJ) will feel helpless.

Oh my fucking god,trust you me youve not wasted those 15years, you have gone through all that so that you can teach million infj's on the right track.Your content is timeless

This journey of self has led me to you. Thank you as growth is so valuable. I refuse to be a victim, ever

Wow, just wow. Spot on. Makes my stomach turn.

Oh. My. Goodness. Such authenticity and insight. And that rant! Haven't laughed that hard in a while. So true - you have me SO pegged! Hooked on your videos. Life changing. Thank you -- A new fan

Thank you! Omg. Ive taken the test 3x over 3 year got INFJ. Just now researching it. Never have i ever been more understood. 🙏💗

O. M. G. Frighteningly true. Regret...and resentment. And ludicrous that the fear of hurting feelings that prevents the setting of boundaries just insures that the anger and resentment will arise and lead to epic hurt. For nothing.

I hate details because it drains me more especially once i know the solution but truth is they never accept the solution when they can but only when they have to and have no other choice.

Top 5 most relatable rants ive heard in my life. Thank you sir!

Nobody has ever described this as clearly. Talk about a cluster f*ck. So bloody tiring to be miles ahead of everyone all the time. Thanks for this Marty.

OMG, this is my f'ing life. I need an island.

This is my entire family and me. I stopped talking to them for long periods and I don’t get involved in the drama anymore. It’s too damn exhausting for my life force!

AND if you are trying to tell them the solution they will cut through your words and just go on with telling you how bad their problems are. It's just ridiculous. Your videos are a blessing, keep it coming Marty. Greetings from Austria.

This is the most therapeutic video ive ever watched. Marty’s little laughs of frustration after every moment of "you dont GIVE a SHIT" are so freaking relatable. I’m doing the same laugh every single time.

I’ve learnt that when someone starts telling me their problems I’ll ask them... Do you just want to vent and have me just listen or do you want my advice? I feel like then I have some sort of control/power over the amount of energy and time that is sucked out of me.. If they just want to vent I don’t even bother with asking questions anymore, I just let them spill their guts so I can get on with my life.

I swear this guy reminds me so much of myself. 😂 I keep laughing at his jokes, the same way he is. 😂

Marty, this is crazy! I was getting so sucked into his insanity that I questioned my own. I was surprised and amazed that someone else goes through the exact same thing.

When you realize that Cluster b's are really just soulless empty shells like gumbas on a supermario game and are hardwired as part of the matrix program to enslave you suddenly it becomes easier to detach from your empathy when you are a living soul. I have no more empathy for my captors

THE BEST INFJ VIDEO OFF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yah I've been through that too. Also from experience with this dynamic it makes it infuriating to deal with negative people who don't want to fix their issues. Or what is worse if you have the misfortune of dealing with a narcissist. But With just regular conversations it's so draining. This video reminds me why I get mad at people, and why I feel crazy. These are very helpful videos thank you.

“I DONT GIVE A F*CK”😩🤣 Your videos make me laugh out loud. every single.time. the relatability is through the roof... oof. Good to be understood, and also good to learn more about self. Thank you!

This is exactly what I experienced. When I use to fix peoples electrical prombles with there vehicles. All they wanted to do was tell me all about how they can not live or make there living without there vehicle. The worst ones are the ones that would insist on staying and watching me work on there vehicles. They would always use the excuse that they wanted to learn what I was doing. I knew right away that they themselves would not understand a wire diagram or electronic schematics on there vehicle. Truth is this is always what I have experienced when dealing with people. Well needless to say I stopped diagnosing & reparing peoples electrical prombles and I went back to school cause I realize that people have not realized that they have the potential to fix there own prombles, but all they want to do is have somebody else fix there prombles for them and at the same time have me be there sounding board. You hit the head right on the nail I do not give a fuck about people's prombles I only want to solve it and move up .

This is a prerequisite. I fell so many times in it, people share unthinkable bad stories happening to them, and it just consumes you. The last time I literally got sick for 5 days trying to help someone without hurting them feelings. I needed to watch this, it confirms what I said to myself in the 5th day: "If people don't show any serious move letting me helping them, I go busy". It's a bit heartbreaking. But I'm almost convinced that some people like the smell of bacon coming from their burning back. I wish them all the best, life is short... mine too.

Today is the first time I seen someone explain the INFJ so well and this is so me. Great video.👍Oct 28th 2020.

I can't believe how accurate this is!!!!!!! Mindblown!!!!!! 🤯🤯🤯

This was AMAZING! absolutely love the rant! 100% feel it!

This is one of the few places where INFJs can just vent out their frustration of dealing with people, and we all here completely get it. Marty got so frustrated explaining "Anger," in his hypothetical example, that it triggered in me all the moments I wasted time listening someone's else problem that I didn't care... The feels are real!

Dude. Try being 30 and living with your parents who are both cluster b's, who constantly argue and contend against one another and look to/call upon you as to be the Judge/Jury . Compressed, the stress moves in deep. It can totally freeze you up. Then you'll break, as your innermost fibers of being rip and tear apart. As pieces of you disconnect and wither away, then, you finally set a boundary. I was physically sick and nearly completely destroyed before i finally began to set boundaries. It"s a misery and a blessing. LOL Great content though, sir. Thank you for creating and sharing!!!

That blew my mind. Especially understanding the anger regret and resentments that come in. I could not relate more to when you expressed the boil over of frustration with them and self as you are kept from ever taking care of your needs as they pile in the background because you’re too busy fixing everything else but not really because only a special few actually put your advice to action and make positive change for themselves. I feel you on the “I’m 50 and where did my life go - to them”, I’m on the precise of 40 and feel the same way (well, that and alcoholism which I began and remain in recovery from over 10 years ago). I have, in SIP, gotten closer to my core identity and exercise boundaries more with friends instead of avoiding the conflict of their potential hurt feelings, I do see that most of them don’t worry about mine, not in the same way or not thoughtfully. This is very helpful as I would like to feel like I am cared for enough by my self so I can enjoy being there for others without the guilt of resenting the time it’s taken from me circling back to my mounting pile of needs unmet, tasks undone.

love it when you laugh thank you!

Marty I really enjoy your channel. Ive really tried to grasp this whole MBTI thing, which Ive only known about for about a year now. So much in my life didnt quite add up and now it does. You give a raw and unscripted take on what our process entails. Thanks for helping me overcome feeling that I need to be a goddamned Meyers-Briggs scholar in order to be able to talk able what makes me tick as an INFJ

Thanks for the videos Marty. This content is like watching a play by play of my inner conversations. Much appreciated!!

Wow, that's accurate. It explains why I can handle one person, and why I get drained in large social gatherings. This week we had some family come up to visit me in college. I had to check out after the second day because I couldn't handle it. The only difference, I was thinking of, was that I take the circle much slower than you demonstrated in your examples. That circle, for me, can take days-weeks to go around. It rarely happens in one conversation. Usually, the first three are during the social interaction and the last three occur in between the interaction and the next time I see them. Thanks Marty.

I'm and INFJ and was emotionally exhausted just hearing this. I just learned that I'm this personality type and found your channel. Absorbing everyone's thoughts and feelings, almost better than they feel it themselves it's seems, has been such a challenge for me my whole life. This is all so accurate. I can't wait to learn more about all of this to work through these downfalls.

I’ve always a lot to say when watching you explain me.. but really,,, your understanding brings a smile and a sense of relief

Thank you this is so appreciated, confirming these loops on loops on loops and the way out. I reached this conclusion irl as this video reaches me. I was just pondering how to exit a conversation politely. You made it obvious they must be a, as I like to call them; clusterb. Ofc they are. Ofc, the confusion, the energy that went down the drain, all from listening to them.

Thank you so much for your videos Marty! I appreciate your authenticity and your advice. This video was the most accurate discription of the INFJ Loop that I've seen yet. 10/10 Would Recommend. And Subscribed.

marty glenn i see myself in your laughter and frustration and in the way you explain yourself. It is crazy how much it feels like your videos are secret keys to my most important questions. And some of the things you say are even answers to questions i didnt even know i had. Youve literally given me confidence, instantly at times.

Thank you for your content, Marty. 30 yr old INFJ male here currently going through a deep process of learning and self discovery since discovering MBTI. Your charisma and honesty are great attributes and I look forward to more of your advice.

Omg I so relate to this. I’m so glad I found your page

I'm glad I saw this video Marty.. I'm currently asking myself where 1.5 years of my life went to 🤧 I'm really glad I discovered you

Marty, this one made my heart race! For the first time I really feel understood. It is something completely different to be the only one who understands. How often I have tried to explain this to my fellow beings and to ask for some empathy and understanding as well. And you never got understanding. Of course this is just another part of the INFJ-loop. Thank you from the heart for your work and this video, Marty!

Wtf!!! Oh Dude, Marty!!! Juz turned 48, & this is the story of my life. Thank you for your videos. Oh man, Thank you!!! I just discovered your channel. And I'm absolutely amazed. Finally feel like I'm understood. Thank you for being so transparent and authentic!!! ♥💯🔥

Spot 'effin on! Swamped! Drained! Blasted! One way I can 'control/manipulate' a situation to my liking is in a restaurant. The time to leave is when I've finished my meal, so the server, who is dumping on me, knows that. I smile, ask for the check then thank them , lol. At work, it's much more problematic! I can't just control the dynamic/situation. Good vid. love it. Oh, the only thing that helped me with anger/depression is 'Mindful Meditation'. Saved.My.Bacon.

I’ve never seen such an accurate video on our personality. Emotional vacuums... Brilliant, Marty.

WOW. I have never heard such a detailed recap of most of my life.

Marty I just want to say that you summarized it all. You said it all. It’s amazing. This will always be your best video. Who could ever explain it? What it’s actually like to be an INFJ. And yet you just did. OUTSTANDING!!!

Your videos are helping me sort my self out, thank you so much, Marty :D

Holy Balls!!!€ YOU are the voice inside my head!!! Swear words included! You are in my 50 yr old head!!

I'm an ENFP but I go through the same process... And this is not the only one where I feel the same as you explained it, majority of your videos (that I watched so far) I feel deeply accurate for myself as well. What I find interesting is that it especially resonates with my values when I was younger, before the world covered me with tons of other shit and made me kinda "lose track" of who I really am, so my heart lost it's shine and got tougher (at least on a surface level, with some cracks though :D). But my man is INFJ and that's why I watch your videos (want to understand him better, on a deeper level, to feel and get every silence as much as possible, every breath and all the ticking in the background of his mind), and I'm glad I got him to remind me of who I really am. I'm glad that it all finally makes sense with him and feels right (even tho I can see already it's not going to be easy, cause I became kinda lazy in this half-functioning shitty all-about-shortcuts world, and now I'm dealing with someone who values the right things and sees through shit), that I found someone who supports and lives as who I once fully was, while the rest of the world was whipping me tirelessly, to fuck the idealist out of me. I do have some questions and concerns regarding the moments when we have a fight and apparently both of us think for ourselves we are right (and in those moments, for me it seems he stops being able to be rational and to provide arguments, and I think that's how he sees me in those moments as well), but I haven't went through all of your videos yet, so I will come back here with a question after some more info input. Thanks for your videos! 🌱

You are awesome! I feel what you are saying on a whole different level I never thought possible. You have put words to things I have felt but couldn't explain to myself.

oh, this. this is so true. i have often felt like a deer in the headlights when someone presented me with their problem. me thinking i want an island just for myself. i am so tired of peopleing.tired of being someones trashcan. i just want to be alone. i am learning boundaries. its hard. and here you come waltzing in with an explanation so real and true it hurts as i laugh. you even present a solution: "i gotta go". i never even thought it could be that easy, but the more i think about it i see it IS. wow, this helped me understand so much i could never put into words. thank you so much Marty. i am slowly watching every video. they/you mean a lot to me. i am very grateful i found you

That's beautifully put into words.

What happens in the psychosocial realm carries over to the societal one. Think about it... (I know you have!) You're treated as an energy resource to be plugged into the system, whenever - wherever - there is a utilitarian need. There's always a distant problem, never to be solved. This mentality - a societal dysfunction - has become a massive source of talent-suck, twisting & turning our bend toward excellence... Our energy - not our time - is the variable. We should expend it wisely. TL;DR: Don't light yourself on fire to keep Cluster-Bs warm...

Thank you so much for this video and everything that you do. That was perfectly explained.

Marty I owe you a thank you for this. Weeks earlier saw this and I realize that I am really dealing with Cluster Bs and thinking about them, talking to them 90% of the time. Thank you.

You're the best! That is sooo me and my encounters/experiences with human doings. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I enjoy learning how to better myself.

So damn relatable... You are helping many people like me to figure out themselves.... Thank you so much.

Marty I love your INFJ rant on this video.! I am an INFJ female and this is what I do.!

9:55 to 11:20 was probably one of the realest parts of any video I've ever seen in my life. It's like reading my freaking mind, nearly verbatim. I am beyond being able to conjure the correct words to truly define just how much I appreciate finding your channel. Thank you again, sir!

Whew.... I'm dancing as i watch this, life has taught me to become a boundaries-Ninja, but recently was thinking that i may be too extreme because i have been turning strangers that approach me away without 'giving them a chance' as potential friends or clients, but this reminds me that it is good and necesary because i am clear about who i want to fraternize and work with and i seek out the groups and people i choose to based on my goals and plans, rather than random peoples whims and wishes.

This all makes sense.. as an infj i like to get to the heart of the matter and offer solutions to friends' problems. I have one friend whom i always feel angry after our meetup... it is because i've just 'sat through' all of the details.. when i've already solved the problem months/years ago!!! I feel a lot clearer now... i hadn't associated my anger after visits with them with the meetup.. it all makes sense. Thankyou so much.. i really needed to hear this.. for my own self development. Great channel. Thankyou for all you do.

You brought it right on. Good work man.

That is so 100% me omg 😆 You totally put it into perfect perspective. Amazing!!!!!

This video came right in time for a situation where I'm trying to tell someone who only wants to ask me for favors that this isn't a real friendship.

Damn man you just nailed it. I know that exact feeling and that exact inner monologue. Once took a road trip 800 miles around Oregon for 5 days, my friend never shut the fuck up. Never. Day 3 I said something. He expresses respecting me for that. And then, no behavior changed. By the end of it, I felt like my mind was emptied w nothing left in it but his useless, boring, self important grandiose stories. The next day when I finally got away I felt myself come back to myself and got to hear me thoughts again. Thanks for sharing this breakdown. It’s spot on. And I’ve had my fair share of Cluster B experiences. Finally know what they are...

This is amazing. I didn’t even realize I was infj until I watched this video My brother called me this weekend wanting advice about his relationship. I told him… this is very important there’s a full moon eclipse this weekend DO NOT GET INTO ANY ARGUMENTS, or you will break up your relationship. He laughed and said I don’t believe in that moon shit. Well guess who calls me yesterday and is crying and saying she left him…. And yet I said I fucking told you. And still he says I don’t believe in that stuff 🤯

Omg I LOVE YOU! This is pure gold 😆😆

I make a quick determination that I can't tell the other person the truth revolving around the conversation probably 90% of the time. Receptivity is the crucial. I've noticed with myself and others there is often a moment in time that a key unlocks the door. I also stick around too long out of curiosity to see if the other person will keep sharing until they figure it out themselves.

I wander how many people that aren't INFJs can listen to that ramble/explanation the first time through and full track what you're talking about 😂😂😂😂 that's how the explanation goes in my head, but i doubt anyone could follow lol

I now get why I attract those kinds of people and how I am scared of hurting their feelings. I lost an year being a best friend of one.

100% ME. Marty, stop talking constantly about me! Don't bring my personal stuff out in every yt clip! Subscribed! :)

Damn! Very profound and true.

LOL! That little rant he had toward the end of this video about people and there problems is a whole mood. I had a similar rant in my mind while I was at work today. Seriously contemplating an INFJ doorslamming this lady I know. I think I had enough 😐

It’s insane how you slowly described and unfolded how exactly I fucked up when it comes to a community of people I found myself really enjoying The conclusion was so satisfying in a masochistic way

it’s like i wanna watch all your videos but you have soooo many and i bet i can relate to all of them 😩

wow. i’m not sure i’ve ever resonated with something so intensely.. my only relationships have been with girls that have bpd(not that i seek them out.. it just happens..) 2 years, 5 years, and 3 years.. within the first 6 months i realized that i didn’t want to be with them, or rather it was too straining on my mental health to be with them. and in every single one, i stayed because i didn’t want to hurt their feelings.. more than a 3rd of my life wasted because i was afraid of hurting somebody’s feelings.. i really struggle to set boundaries for myself, and saying “no” leaves me with palpable guilt and shame.. i’m thankful to know i’m not alone in feeling this

Damn I wish I had seen this a few years ago. Got completely drained/sucked dry by someone and I kept feeling bad about my attempts to set boundaries. It eventually lead to anger and blow ups and the friendship ended. Then I realized that I wasn't even that important to the person, they just drifted around trying to find someone to listen to their problems, it didn't matter who. Don't even think they missed me. I kept feeling regretful for all that time I had given to them, I prioritized them a lot because they seemed the neediest. I definitely learned a lesson about boundaries.

This hit home. The curse video, relationship and dating video. Everything is right on the nail. It's easy to get lost inside, I've been a bummed hermit for 2 years, I'm 22. Now I don't have many people around, everything is easier and less stressful. I miss a lot of people, but I know it's better this way.

Dude you just helped me learn why i struggle to say no at work and that after a phone call that impacted a key performance target for me. Thank you like I should have figured this out myself but now i know. Thank you! Why can't people just be like that direct more often like this is your problem this is the solution and accept that someone is trying to help. But yeah thats kind of the problem here is it not. But I do appreciate it thank you!!! Thank you for figuring out something that I didn't even think was the problem.

You're doing great buddy, the best INFJ Psychological Mentor I've ever seen, your explanation plus all the drawings make it more clear understandable. Keep it up and don't surrender...!!! Edit: Seems like you're really expert on accurately interpreting INFJ's anger 😂

Wow! Marty! Amazing. The story of my life. Esteban from Argentina. Thanks.

Awesome explanation Marty. You hit the nail right on the head. Going through it and learning it now. I'm so glad I found your channel. It would be wonderful to talk and learn from you in person. Thank you once again. INFJ from the Republic of Palau. Sulang

The worst part is that you know that you know this loop so well, yet you weirdly accept and almost enjoy doing it all over again. It flips between feeling like emotional torture and the meaning of life...I think we have issues....but we’ve also figured it all out so clearly, we don’t have issues...but we do. Hahahahaha

The reason for my avoidance of most every social situation. I can't help not get sucked into people's problems and get pissed with why they don't see the solution as clearly as I do.

Thank you Marty I'm learning a lot about myself and how to heal my own life/self!

Dammit. I'm sitting here with my hands over my head after finishing watching this video. This was amazing. Seriously. I've dealt with this problem ever since, and I end up being with people whom I can't even stand, who drains my energy, and I'm terrified to tell them the truth bcoz I feel like they'll be hurt. That's what happens all the time and that's why I end up having a toxic circle of cluster B's. I knew this problem, but I never really knew how to end it. I realized just now that it's better to smartly express myself being uninterested in them, and this way they'll never be my "friends" who drains my energy, neither will they be hurt nor will I feel guilty. Thanks for the video.