INFJs and Aging Narcissist Parents 

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Waking up and realizing my mother was never going to change after the decades of trying to reason with her, I cut ties 8 years ago. Best decision of my life. I still have days where I wonder if she thinks about me, if she even cares that I'm gone, but when I look at how happy my child and spouse are without her in our lives, it's worth it. She didn't protect me as a child, she didn't care for me as an adult and even tried to repeat the cycle with my child. It hurts to break free and society frowns upon it, but it is, for me at least, the best decision I made. Good luck out there. You're worth more than what they give you.

Radical acceptance matters. Set realistic expectations for them. They're never going to change.

Dealing with parents who just want to control your life is very difficult especially if they interfere with the relationship and you end up alone because the way they control things isn't a healthy situation not for them Or is a kid or an adult we need to grow and choose people who align with our personality

Well put. I thought mine might change a little but she never did and the illness of dementia just made everything worse. Part of our job is to see this and accept it for what it is.

My narcissistic mother lived to 92. I felt really validated when you said we have a sense of duty, an interest in growth and we want to help even if they never helped us. This described me to a T. I'd had a much loved cat who reached a stage where the vets said they couldn't cure her but could make her comfortable for as long as she had left. We made her own cat food from internet recipes, took her (at her request) on trips outside to roll in leaves and sniff grass. She had always been a contented indoor cat. I had previously contacted a lady called the Pet Undertaker for when the time came and when that time arrived she was taken in a car to a pet resting place in the beautiful Lake District. When I realised my mother was nearing the end my husband was also dying in hospital but I thought she and I could have 'precious time' together like I'd had with my cat. I thought that, as my mother would be the centre of attention it would suit her too........ Well! She was the worst she'd ever been and that's saying something. I faced a barrage of insults on day one followed by five days of running around obeying her non-stop demands with her showing zero respect or gratitude. I fleetingly thought maybe she should go into a care home before realising no care home would put up with this stuff. My sense of duty made me stay but once I got out of her house the penny dropped. She was and always had been uncaring and there was no love between us. None. I vowed I would never again put myself through anything like that. She was my mother nearing the end of life and all other family members had died by then. I would still look out for her and be surface pleasant but I too had stopped caring. We were just two completely different people. The only slight saving grace is that I have a form of ADHD and people with NPD find ADHD people really difficult because they can't be controlled and have a strong sense of self. So although I was accommodating at least I was a bit difficult!

Thank you for this video! The six of us took care of her the last year of her life. She had dementia. I worked on healing with a psychologist during this timeframe. i am glad you are tackling this issue.

Lauren! Was just thinking of you ❤❤❤🎉 Thank you for another gem!

Thanks for this one. Spot on

This comes about several years too late for me, but it's a very important thing you're doing, Lauren. You are absolutely right, they won't change, not even at the end. In fact, my narc mom invested so many years into building her sycophant army, she never had to be nice to me. I've often wondered if INFP/Js aren't born this way, but rather forged from these circumstances. I'd like to add that once they die, the grieving process can be longer and more arduous than expected. Be patient and gentle with yourself and eventually you can feel the relief of it. ❤‍🩹

Lauren, you are spot on with this information.! Thank you SO MUCH for this!❤❤❤

Mom's Alzheimer's diagnosis has made things easier in the end. She's not as mean as she used to be. And there is less of an expectation to cater to her feelings and opinions. I bring her food and she's good. I am even happy when she gets mean once in a while, because it's a window into the past. It's not always easy but somehow it has made the relationship better. I guess I can be more checked out emotionally.

Where can I find your link to the class? I’m a 61 yr old INFJ woman caring for a 77 yr old narcissist husband. Whew…Your content is SO validating

well, this is the 2nd for this month!

This will be a valuable video for my infj daughters when they older - I am an infj male so I am use to struggles but I got this 😂😂😂