Why INFJs are misunderstood. 

“Tell me about yourself” is the worst thing you could ever ask an INFJ on a date. 😅

Literally I just thought I was so weird and that people understood me but only to a certain level and then every video I’ve watched of yours about INFJs have described me and it’s just so relieving. Thank you for putting yourself out there and doing this. Trust me as INFJ I know that’s hard!

I'm listening to every word you say but.... I'm really enjoying watching the evolution of you hair. It keeps getting better! 😌

Watches as a INFJ uses intuition to describe intuition. We’ve come full circle now.

Never felt more understood... like ever this literally is my mind and the way it works/thinks

my best friend is an infj and these videos are so helpful for me to understand her :)

I rub my forehead a lot when I am attempting an explanation...just like Frank does 🙄 I surround myself with other IN's without even knowing it. We are drawn to each other.

I am learning about intuition, trying to find what it is, you said “to dumb it down, is imagination”, that’s what people had always told me since I was a younger person. But it’s something more complex. I feel very liberated about it now. Although intuition is not always right, specially when we can’t prove our most inner feelings towards something or someone. Our experiences, the patterns, the behaviours, and other symbols are clues to us. When our intuition is right it can be bliss or complete sorrow depending on the kind of intuition we had been feeling the past few hours, months or even years.

wow i love my insomnia because now i get to be one of the first to see this quality content. i genuinely will just stay up for hours delving into your channel and thinking about everything.

After all these INFJ videos I still don't know the words to describe myself to people that I have know for years, and then when I try to describe myself, it's either a mess or I don't even bother trying.

this video was actually very helpful Thank you

I make ideas and patterns into shapes. The other day I was trying to explain to my friend a concept I had in a form of a triangle he was just like 🤔🤷🏻‍♂️ ..... and then me like 😑

THE HAIR IS ON POINT ☝️

So, basically, we watch and process body language like no other..... the little nuances, tone of voice..... EVERYTHING and our inner dialogue instantly understands this none surface obvious stuff........ that 55 percent body language was made for INFJs, most folk concentrate on the 7 percent of what folk actually say, our brains pick up everything else and ignore the 'what was said' bit...... I know I do, never led me wrong

Finally found my tribe :) I feel normal now.

I've been misunderstood since birth. My mother always said she'd picked up the wrong baby in the hospital ...Bring on the gypsy violinist ;)

I'd like to find out if there's other INFJ's who have people call police over misunderstandings. It's happened 4 times to me so far, plus a couple of smaller times with store manager confrontations. Nothing ever comes of these things but they much upset me

I argue with myself all the time to make myself get out into the world of extroverts...not always fun

Are you assertive infj? I’m analysing the differences in how the A/T come across and I can def see differences though I know only a few Infj (myself included) Don’t usually comment but Can’t help but find your explanations amusing (infj sense of humour? ) also what if you are not cool or attractive? 🤔

Thank you so much! I have been looking for a video about INFJ and how to manage procrastinating.... do you have one and I just can’t find it?

I am strange and unusual = INFJ.

Get it, great video

One of the weirdest things about being an INFJ is that people think I'm stupid. I've had people (former friends) tell me how dumb I am or that (suicide 'joke' warning) I've killed myself intellectually. I was valedictorian at high school, graduated top in engineering at university, and have a PhD. People still dare tell me this or talk down to me like I'm a child. It's mind-boggling. Just because I don't vocalize my thoughts, do care a lot about others' thoughts, and often just act to lighten the mood doesn't make me an idiot.

Watching your videos make me feel understood

any other INFJs here trying to write a really long, deep comment but you can’t quite put your feelings into words??

I wish my mood was as high as your hair Frank.

There are a few people in my life that understand me. When I have a burst of sharing, I usually regret it instantly 😂 I treasure those who can actually listen AND understand.

“Something is off...” we look at people like a crooked painting if we sense emotional imbalance. Most will share their deepest sorrows upon first meeting, some don’t, we listen and impart encouragement. Then they never speak to us again...our role is the ‘Jiminy Cricket.’ If you notice, NO ONE seeks to ask us advice; because they know we will morally tell them the truth. And who wants the truth when it might stab them in the heart!?!?

“Who are you?” Might be the hardest question to answer

Best explanation: “I don’t know, but that’s what it is” 🤣🤣🤣

“maybe we’ve found over time, that when we’ve tried to share our inner world, it’s often met with confusion & people not knowing what to make of it. So we learned that maybe we shouldn’t share that anymore...” this whole video is spot on, but this particular statement moved me to tears. Being met with blank stares & and speechlessness will beat you down over time. So we internalize, isolate and keep our most treasured, beautiful thoughts to ourselves. It really is heartbreaking... but you’re right that we need to learn how to develop our ideas in a rational ways because once we have that skillset, our messages will move worlds. We’re talking about major shifts in the collective consciousness!! May we find our voices and let ourselves be seen!

I think that friends and colleagues of INFJ's can feel us judging their characters, but withholding comments about them. My mentor at work (years ago) told me that my character boiled down to "knowing where someone's Achilles heel is, but somehow letting them know that I'm not going to take advantage of it." I say accurate.

I have a deep passion for saving souls in a messed up world that I detest

Just gonna say “nay, we shan’t” to everything today

"This is just a waste of time and energy" - One of the most INFJ sentence ever.

It may be a bit ironic, but I understood every thing you tried to say in this video, and I am willing to bet every other INFJ who watched it did as well. It's others who are not on the same wavelength as us who see our inability to communicate. I'm sure a commune of INFJ would have quite different notions of failure to communicate. I find it almost impossible to properly convey thoughts to other people on a daily basis, have long ago made up my mind that it is simply is not worth the energy/time. It isn't necessarily a matter of IQ or intelligence or anything that is even quantifiable, but rather that most people are not open to things. I think that might be the crux of the issue - what you would call imagination, the Ni, is pretty much the ability and willingness (or even the necessity) to constantly expand one's mind and perspective. Most people are built in precisely the opposite manner.

When I was young I used fantasize about having a friend with the same consciousness...like a shared wavelength. Who am I kidding, i still do that.

INFJ is basically a Wolf raised in captivity. That’s why we’re weird,a hunting machine raised to love.

I’d love to sit down with you and just have a good chat about life for a couple hours. This video reminds me that I am understood, just not by everyone. Thank you, FJ, for being one of the ones who understands.

One of the worst things being an INFJ is how scared people seem of me so I pretend to be more lighthearted to blend in, be social and “normal” but also to make others more comfortable. I don’t like others to feel weird or judged so I soften my intensity, but I end up feeling so drained and misunderstood because of this. I’ve grown a lot more to accept myself and learn communication skills so I can understand others, too. It’s a lifelong journey my fellow dark overthinking weirdos! But WORTH IT!

I love how you wrapped up the video talking about coming out into the "real world." We INFJs have all the characteristics necessary to change people's lives, like you are doing with this channel. And really, to change the world. But we are taught from a very young age, at least I was, that we are weird and that we need to tone our authentic self down a bit to fit in. So we stop coming out and stay in our own heads. We continue that into adulthood. It's hard to get out of, but I feel like at 42, I'm very close. I'm putting myself into the world in a very real way. It's scary but necessary and amazing! Thank you for putting your authentic self out into the world!

I don’t know, I hated being different when I was young, but I see it as an asset now. I see myself as a deeply introspective person who doesn’t value a lot of the same things that others around me do. I can spend hours day dreaming about nature and the wonder of it all. I guess I just don’t like the real world. ;)

I have been called weird all my life. I have decided to own it and describe myself as unique. Thank you for explaining why I’m so misunderstood. It’s been hard. When I perceive energy but told I’m wrong, I feel like I’m been gaslighted. So I’ve been forced to not share.

"People can feel that we're kind of weird." Oof. Like a sea lion chilling with a bunch of seals.

Generic person: "Who are you?" Me: "I'm an observant of human nature."

I don't know if any other INFJ's can relate but I'm ashamed of being weird. I often times hide it because I don't know how to be ok with it around others.

I get told “You’re overthinking it” every time I express a fraction of what’s going on in my head. I dissect things from every possible perspective. I’ve started to realise most people don’t think so deeply… that’s how I feel misunderstood mainly

I find it extremely difficult to communicate with Se dominant people. They find my Ni so confusing and they often dismiss my insights. I only truly share my Ni through music and my acting.

It’s amazing how, as an INFJ, comments like, “You’re so quiet!” or people looking at you like they don’t know how to approach or deal with you is so common. Meanwhile you’re going a million miles a minute in your brain, all on your own. The fact we can even read the apprehension seeping out of them is so INFJ. 🙈

The real world is kind of overwhelming though. I know I can't be the only INFJ who gets approached by strangers all the time, telling me their lives' stories. People love talking at me, notice I did not say TO ME. It's like they dump their crap all over me, not even considering my input (that comes when someone knows me a little better). So yeah, we need to live in the real world, it's just super unconfortable.

That's exactly it! There is so much I think and feel and have learned about religion, spirituality, philosophy, consciousness, etc. and I have a hard time expressing it and when I do start to even try, people just don't care. It's weird, deep, and uncomfortable and most people don't want to go there so I feel so alone a lot of the time.

" People don't know what the heck we're talking about " , I felt that ..... It feels like I'm talking using an ALIEN LANGUAGE when talking to people & I'd stop my self right there, they'll never understand me after all. ... Our energy will be at sake if we connect to people & let them understand us. Lol. ... Thanks Frank ♥

Learning that I’m an INFJ has been a life changing piece of self knowledgeable especially due to the fact that I’ve always deeply desired to be understood because I was completely misunderstood which warranted much inner turmoil throughout my life...learning about INFJs has greatly helped with this strong desire and so did my man FJ

Would buy a shirt that said "Introverted Intuition"!!!

Me: * expounds upon the vivid imaginings of my thoughts * Spouse: That made no sense. Say it differently. Me: I'm digging up plants this weekend. (this short dialogue is based upon a true story)

I used to hate being so different from others and how it was easier for normal people to fit in when I couldn't because of my weirdly wired brain, but now I see it as a great thing, like a super strength because it really helped me find good people without dealing with the bad ones, it made me stand out and let people know that I'm a reliable person and trustworthy, it made connections with people who do understand me a lot more special. Knowing that I have at least one person out there who can understand my complexity is the best thing to ever happen to me.

I often think by way of images, (almost like dreaming while awake) which allows me to consciously interpret "unconscious" messages in the form of abstractions.

I became friends with one of my coworkers pretty much the moment we started talking. It was like we were both intuitively open with each other when that is not really typical with me. We went super deep about the nature of reality and had this abstract stuff come up - art, music, the cosmos, aliens. It was so refreshing and our weird off the cuff style of jokes meshed really well. I asked her what her MBTI type was - she is an INFJ, I’m an ENFP. I think this type is so interesting.

Best advice I ever got from someone I believe to be an ESTP: "You think to much and don't do enough." Completely agree with you, Frank. We need to develop our other functions. INFJs have some pretty incredible gifts, and we need to get out there and find our niche where we can share successfully. It ain't easy, but it's sure worth it.

I often get looks from others like there are multiple squirrels emerging from my nostrils.

I’d buy the merch, let’s be real. 🤣

My cat just watched it, staring at your head for the entire span of 11 minutes. LOL we get you - you da coolest Frank of all Jameses. Glad you're back. hehe

there should be a mbti subject in every school.. like if u agree :)

I agree 100% that being misunderstood helps nobody; however, why should I have to tone myself down (be it my introverted intuition, for example here) or change myself for other people? My gift (here our dominant function) should shine through most, not saying we shouldn’t develop our other functions. Why can’t others at least try to understand us? I’m frankly tired, and have done on many occasions, of changing or “toning myself down” for the sake of the majority population or personality type. To have friends or fit in. Love me for me :( Surely, we were made this way for a reason. At the very least combine it together, for lack of a better word, with our other functions.

Hey Frank - I’m going to share my VP ( view point ) First of all, I was born this way. Next, I spent my whole life, many decades trying to fit in with others, join the crowd, etc. because I thought they were having more fun. Well they certainly were moving around & laughing out loud while I was mostly quiet & still. 3. It doesn’t work to try to make connections with the general masses because they are of a collective mindset. If you try sharing your perspective with them, or one of those people who are “connected to reality “, as you put it.. they will put all their energy into trying to tear your Vp apart.. That’s how they roll. ~ Trying to fit it with people from “the real world”, as you so put it... I learned many things..I learned stealing, cursing, smoking, drinking, doing drugs, behaving violently, & engaging in risky behaviors including sex, by age 16. I would continue to try any & every way to fit in with these people who don’t give a shit about people & relationships. Because they ARE all surface. Their entire investments are about surface ( superficial ) And they love INFJ because so many are misjudging themselves, under valuing who & what they really are.. Do you know that people like us may not be able to transmit our ideas to the general public, and it’s not because we are mentally deficient or defective, it’s because we are so deep & so complex. In short, they are not able to understand us ... and quite frankly I don’t have time to waste. I already wasted lots of time.. You know, it’s our job to take our skills & develop ourselves as far as we can. That’s our true responsibility to ourselves & this planet. 🌞👈🏼 We are the gatekeepers of the newer wider broader complex way of human understanding .. think Steve Jobs and other geniuses like him. They did not waste time trying to hang out or fit in with the cool kids. It’s ok to be a nerd 🧐 I own my shit now adays .. I wouldn’t want to be someone else. How do I know ? Because I’m old as the hills & all that surface beauty fades, and people get married & have kids & live like robots. A brilliant mind is a thing forever, because the ideas are NOT some rubbish inside the head .. it’s things we pick up from listening to the UNIVERSE .... 🤩 I own this pony show now... wouldn’t trade it for anything . 🤓

I feel this is why I have anxiety in social situations... it feels like every time I open my mouth people look at me weird like I've spoken gibberish... Also is it an infj thing when you can predict events based on small details around us?.. for example: I notice one of my kids doing something that can get them hurt but usually seconds after I warn them they always get hurt the way I predicted it to happen...

thank you so much for making these. you always make me feel like I am not alone in this.

as an INFJ, the following resonates with me: "we are spiritual beings having a human experience..."

I have spent hours....days.... doing the "I am Someone Who" exercise to help me define just who I am, what I like and don't like. Journaling and writing my characteristics helps me....it is written .....thus it must be.

I feel like I’m alright with not being fully understood, now that I’m older. As a kid, it was scary to realize that not everyone was a weirdo with obsessive thoughts like me, and I learned to keep a lot of who I am largely to myself. Now, that’s what’s comfortable for me. I think I’m good at using extraverted feeling to understand how to appear to people in order to best connect with them, and I kinda get a kick out of seeing how people’s perceptions of me are different based on what sides of myself I show to them. I’m not trying to be disingenuous or anything when I do this, because every side of who I am is grounded in the same values/interests/etc...but there are some parts of me that are just for me, and I like it that way. I’m thinking of that stupid Goo Goo Dolls song from the 90s - I don’t want the world to see me, cause I don’t think that they’d understand. 😂 Aka I’ve got dat Ni @ play all the time.

You just made me realise: Emmanuel Kant was soooo INFJ!!

I feel INFJs are misunderstood because most people think we're actually INFPs or INTJ and most don't grasp our full personality.

We are better than misunderstood.tired of that pigeonhole. Tired of toning down intensity and intuition to keep people comfortable.its taken 34 years, but I'm at a place now that I'm ready to reveal myself. I've literally written my way around my mind to figure out my functions,my bank of data and I'm ready to take a shot at being heard and understood.we are writers, we are so full of talent, it's time we show them, the world, what we can bring to the table:) I love what we have to offer.we are good people with mindful agendas.

INFJ: *speaks eloquently in metaphors for two hours*...so that's the meaning of life basically. Everyone else: but how do you know? INFJ: *thinks back on the myriad weird connections and random inspirations and aha moments that have led up to their insights*...I JUST KNOW OK, TRUST ME. I did all this work for you so you don't have to, just trust me ok, I've got this. Everyone else: if you can't come up with reasons or facts then you must not be very reliable, sorry. Not gonna take your insights seriously. INFJ: *feels like biblical prophet ignored and misunderstood by everyone*. The struggle is real. Developing Ti has helped a little with this issue, I rely on it a lot when trying to convey the meaning that I perceive through Ni. But it's tough, I really do get the feeling that intuition is so undervalued in our modern society and that this makes it so hard for INFJs to be taken seriously, even though their insights could be super useful to the community.

When I first found your channel I was so shocked on how you described me so well. I binge watched one video after another because you explained my feelings/thinking so well. I just want to say thank you for not stopping and still uploading videos till this day. Knowing that there is someone out there who mostly is like me makes me feel understood for once in my life 💙

So happy I found this channel. Just felt like the black sheep my whole life. Thank you for helping the world to understand INFJs 💙

Nobody: Frank James: Nay, we shan’t stop there.

I love your stuff. I went to therapy for years trying to kill the "crazy" part of myself, and make it normal... that part of me that sees things that others don't see, the part that experiences psychic intuition or empathy or telepathy or whatnot. I decide to just say fuck it, I'm going with the craziness because it's really my superpower, even if it gets weird or is wrong sometimes it's also the source of the good things I've been able to accomplish.

Who am I? I'm an unfolding pattern that's excited to experience this existence of unfolding patterns so I can use them to further complicate my own.

"what the fuck are you talking about? It's like you're speaking in riddles." Can't stress how often I get the "speaking in riddles" whenever I try to open up to people. Why can't they understand me? I understand me. It makes being around people exhausting. Thank you for this video!

"I'm not contradicting myself man! You don't understand! Even though I have that meaning I also can understand this perspective, but think it's the lesser one."

off topic but just wanted to say that your voice and the speed/pace you speak in is so calm and soothing

It's so interesting to see someone else explain my feelings with words (it's in all of your videos, not just this one). I think only another INFJ would know these things and be able to feel them.

This is so spot on... its as though we can tell that we are in a matrix, a dream world in which the symbols are the most real things. We see the underlying things, the code behind things. I guess that’s what it is, we are the decoders of the universe. We want to make concepts solid, concrete, we want to know the WHY! The REASON! I tend to dream often and my dreams usually have a pretty deep meaning. Any other of you INFJs experience this? Also, I feel VERY passionate about sharing my inner world and thoughts through my art. I’m also working on open expression (art can take on ambiguous or mysterious expression). I put things out to share, but I don’t connect with others without testing them first to see if they can truly understand me or at least have the same morality as I do. I find that speaking with people on the same spiritual level, being equally yolked, makes things easier, but as to the way my brain works... I will always try to explain it, and someday I’ll get back to all y’all on that 😂

This is how i see myself: If i let people through my door, they stand in the hallway. It's just soo hard to open the door to the living room.

Spot on. Lot of good points. Thank you for acknowledging how difficult it can be to articulate what makes sense in my mental landscape.

I really enjoyed this video. Thanks for sharing! Someone: what’s wrong? How are you? Me: I can feel my body. Feel the wavelengths or rather energy rippling down through my body I could float off the ground the overwhelming desire to fly just soar the skies gazing at the never ending wonders of the world nay of life. Of space. To gaze and marvel and contemplate...... Someone: are you high? Me: ...I’m ok...

I am an ISTJ, and I love getting into the minds of people, esp my friends. For the INFJ’s in my life, I ask specific questions which makes them open up and give me an insight into their world. It’s fascinating.

I am an INFJ, always trying to grow, all too aware of my shortcomings in my personality, but always feel like I hit a wall as to HOW to get there. I need a mentor like you, who goes through it too.

The way you speak about signs and communication makes me think about semiotics. I study art history, and with that semiotics. A lot of my classmates always find it hard to understand, but to me as an infj it usually makes sense, but I have an hard time explaining why it makes sense 😂

Don't tell the advertisers that we've all got our fingers hovering over the Skip tab

So Plato's allegory of the cave always spoke volumes to me as an INFJ. What do you think about that as a kind of "simile" way of teaching what you're saying?

I 100% agree with this whole video! I’m really glad I found your channel. You explain things very well. :)

Its like whenever i talk about my deepest thoughts n stuff and i just want the other person to get the gist and just listen to me (since i am very bad at explaining stuff to other people) but it always ends up in other person telling my how wrong thoughts and opinions i am having and starts to give me advice, telling me whats right n wrong Like wth..."Its not an opinion , these are my thoughts and who the hell are you to say that its wrong without even understanding the whole shit. And i didn't even asked your advice or opinion on my thoughts! I just want you to listen cuz i m trying my level best here to express my inner deepest thoughts, which is nowhere easy for me. I am trying to make you understand how i am as a person..." Waste of energy seriously..........

It's a Feeling. You get it more than most anyone. And being weird, running on intuition, being Infj I'm Thankful. You make me feel Better. Truly. *The reason Infjs say "Do you know what I'm talking about?" Is because you don't.* We just see it. Honestly, I think we see what it's all really about. Thank you for the video! 🦋 Tauney 💗 Love your room btw! And you're rocking that look. Looking good, looks good on you! 🥀

i agree; most of the time i just dont bother mentioning or explaining things with the assumption that people won't understand and i won't be able to articulate it properly, or worse that people won't take me seriously or mock me. confidence in your own concepts and knowing the language to express them is always difficult, even and especially with good friends. the expectation is a struggle, and sometimes it's easier to smile and say nothing rather than drag everyone into a terrain you're not confident in yourself

So true, those "I don't knows" every time I try to tell someone what I'm feeling.

Times that I feel alone in the world, and that no one gets me at all, reading Khalil Gibran has really helped get me through some tough times. There's a quote from one of his books, the Prophet, that makes mention of the gears of life grinding against his own and wanting to escape all society. I can absolutely relate to that; it helped me to think through it instead of obsessing over it. “You have been told that, even like a chain, you are as weak as your weakest link. This is but half the truth. You are also as strong as your strongest link. To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of the ocean by the frailty of its foam. To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconstancy.” ― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

I think Conceptual Blending is the term that you are looking for regarding the interpretation of symbols and using them for predictive tools. I just heard a lecture on the term the other day with regard to tarot. Anecdotally, the INFJ recognizes that we are not that special, as humans, and recognizes/ respects that humans are prone to power plays, manipulation- to recover the power they feel they’ve lost, or to self-protect “the next time.” Mimicry, is an underestimated unconscious behavior for survival. Babies use it in language acquisition and we don’t stop when we get older. We add to our schema each time we have a positive or negative experience and those who “teach” us become a part of our inner and outer dialogue. As such, we have created a world full of mirrors- making the archetypes- symbols and patterns incredibly useful in self-protection. I think this personality type is developed through trauma, so Tempering Cognitive Distortions from the traumas sustained, is a challenge to overcome and costs the INFJ in credibility until it’s reconciled. INFJ never lives in the moment. We are looking behind and in front at all times and this fear and anxiety perpetuates the distortion. The goal is temperance and Zen is phenomenal for the INFJ. Im typing this on my phone and it’s a pain in the ass. Sorry 😆