i feel these issues should be addressed as part of a Pre-Nikkah course conducted by the local masjid. They should make these courses mandatory before Nikkah so that both the man and women are well acquainted with the knowledge of their duties as husbands and wives respectively.
Bilan Naxar. True, I’m from Somali and I have 11 siblings. My parents never hold hands together or say romantic words while I’m present and that’s their choices. May Allah reward with highest level in Jannah. Ameen
I'm so proud of these British muslim ladies. We need more transparency in our deen. I'm tired of all these cultural baggages that have clouded our community.
yes! Culture always takes over religion when its not supposed to be like that, people always say this and that is wrong when in islam when it isnt that. People need to stop confusing culture with religion its terrible.
I always get that question. When man asks a woman where she's getting ideas from or how she knows about it, how does HE know what it is then? He gained information from somehwere too, and I bet it wasn't very halal bro. These double standards sicken me
Ideas are natural I guess, your hormones giving you the ideas as soon as you start making them. I guess and level of your likeness towards someone. Nothing to do with watching something or dirty. Afcourse everything should be in limit and when it goes overboard and effecting other functionings and other aspects of life then it's abnormal dirty mind.
@@relaxation151 Their point is not that two wrongs don't make a right, rather they see one as wrong(the woman having ideas) and not the other (the man). Thus, a double standard.
Same. This is not exclusively a Muslim issue. I think in non Muslim society women often withdraw from their husbands after having kids. Because we have no religious compulsion in intimacy there often no sex at all. Several times I have heard of couples literally not having sex for years after kids and in fact it seems extremely common for men to feel sexually frustrated after having kids. These solutions in the video seem pretty applicable to that situation.
With due respect to the old folks- our parents, they’re unfortunately clouded by so much culture, which regards such romance- kisses, hugging or holding hands as shameful, I’m pretty sure our generation will be better, for me personally I’ve identified the problem, I think I’ll do better with my wife when the time comes Insha Allah
Don’t get carried away with it. If they think intimacy was bad then you wouldn’t exist right now. They are not wrong to say that being intimate IN PUBLIC is bad which is absolutely true and The Prophet Muhammad saw and the sahabah did not do it because it’s absolutely shameful and a sign of hayaless people which is not an adab and outlook of a true Muslim. Yeah u might say “what about when Prophet Muhammad saw had a playful running race moment with his wife Ayesha ra once outdoors?” Well here is your answer- He did it outside BUT NOT IN PUBLIC. Before having that little race with his wife, He first sent the sahabas away until they could not be seen anymore and only then He had that moment with his wife. A TRUE Muslim has haya in their heart and in their akhlaq.
Saikh Noor While you have a point, I don’t think that was the intention of the original comment. Many Muslim couples from older generations regard ANY form of intimacy aside from intercourse with no affection as shameful. That is what needs to change. Public displays of affections are not allowed, but husbands not satisfying his spouse is bad as well. Salaam.
It's a women issue... So sad to see sexuality is not thought and lived for us women. But it's never too late to realize and to actually ask our right to be satisfyied at every single time
I honestly didn’t think this would happen in my lifetime!! I’m so freaking proud of every single woman on this panel!! Muslim women talking about this today is phenomenal. (Muslim) Women are shamed so much it’s reached a level of absurdity. Humans are sexual beings! The whole point of marriage is to enjoy not only achieving half our deen but EACH OTHER. So proud so proud 👏👏👏
Yess it makes me so happy to see these women speaking on such important issues like it made me sad knowing that theres sisters out there who dont feel like sex is enjoyable for them because they feel like its just a duty to do for their husband but it made me so happy knowing that its been spoken about more.
yes but that's a weak hadith about marriage being half of faith. In reality it doesn't make sense bc lots of good Muslims never got married and it still happens today and in the future.
This was long overdue. Both men and women need to be educated on this with an honest discussion, especially men. Props to you three. 👍🏻 JazakAllah khair
This was awesome!!! And actually, as a Gynaecologist in the UK, I can tell you right now that most of the issues you mentioned are relatable to the non-muslim society, the problem is men in general, not specifically muslim men.
@@moodmeditation4458 Wanting to dominate is not the same as having a big ego. Men generally being more dominant is how Allah s.w.t. made them and it is not a flaw but something a mentally healthy woman will appreciate.
LS, the answer to your question should be yes, because if the other fail to acknowledge your efforts at giving your best, you may end hating them. Reciprocation matters a lot in this mutual engagement. Allah knows best.
Some men are also ignorant. Not that they wouldn't want to satisfy their wives, but society that they grew up in. Trust me many of us learn the other way as compared to when we were growing up in a very strict culture. It's all about education
If he's not sis, you have the right to ask for a divorce for the soul reason that he isn't satisfying you. It's happened in the prophet's time before sis
I’m so glad our generation can make the distinction between culture and religion and speak openly about this so that our children can have a lot healthier relationships 😊
No arguments here.But please don't expect the guy to be clairvoyant and just read your mind. Communication, Communication, Communication. You need to talk to the guy and let him know whatever works for you and what doesn't. You're never gonna get to the point of sexual satisfaction if you'll unleash the silent treatment. The whole premise of any physical intimacy is to connect; if you and your husband can't talk it all out and make sure you're both on the same page with it all, sex is just a physical act and looses all importance. Just my 2 cents.
@Average Mo what the heck??? Please, brother, we are all different and want/need different things. For sure there are women that prefer a dominant man but that doesnt mean communication should be nonexistent. That only leads to toxic dominance and power control/abuse. Communication is important to see what the other wants/needs and reach to commonality, grow as people and learn. Also, always refer to the Quran. God knows best
Just like women ... men should be the ones who should be educated enough to take care of their wives in the most dignified ways 🌟🌟JZK for ur efforts 🌟🌟🌟
I’m a revert, young male and this is very good to see. I’m happy sisters are having these discussions. Woman are not slaves and marrying a woman is not hiring a slave. A man should treat a lady like a lady and woman should be allowed to feel like a woman. We need to be taught the rights of the woman correctly by our parents. I’m a revert so Iv got to dig out the research myself but fathers and mothers should teach their kids honestly.
Husband and wife will only be capable of true intimacy when both accept to be vulnerable. Choose to express feelings, needs, desires and emotions in clear terms. Without any fear of shame. Shame I think is a form of self-hatred. Overcoming that is the gateway to deep, fulfilling intimacy.
This is very informative even for the rest of us Christians/ other religions. I love that clarity is being given with regard to intimacy within the Muslim context... really a great point of learning.
Why am I just now finding this? I love that there are some beautiful black Muslim women speaking up about these problems we have in the Muslim community.
@@MrMarcus-mn2vp Of course a man or a wife that dont want each other sexually should probably not be together. This is logical. Also it depends of course on the 'why?' . Has this always been the case, so these two are married without real attraction or consent. Or is the woman ill with something..Or is the man ill etc etc. It all depends. Also people can have all the available sex from the wife and still cheat, and vice versa. I think love would keep a man or woman from cheating more than satisfied lust. (and of course fear of Allah and love for Allah). Salaam oe haleikum bro.
@@MrMarcus-mn2vp same goes with a man who don't give it or are too tired. But however, women have different stages in their sex life some high some low. Sexual emotional problems are common. However there needs to be a balance no one should be over demanding it even when it comes to sex - it shouldn't be a chore which is problem. If a woman doesn't desire it a man/ a husband also needs to find out why and why she isn't being fulfilled desiring it - maybe the woman the /wife wants the control sexually. She wants a more emotional connection and care/ within a marriage. Yes its natural after a certain age you don't desire it....in women though, unlike men!
I completely understand a man wanting sex from his wife even though she doesn't want to give it. They are thinking with the 'other' head that doesn't have a brain. That head needs to be satisfied and that is all they know, whether she wants to give it or not. It's not like he can simply go out and get it from someone else nor does the wife not wanting sex take away his desire. Honestly if some men wait for their wives to actually WANT it they may be waiting for hellava long time! Sometimes it's a chore and sometimes it isn't. Sometimes it's the best thing in the world and sometimes it makes you cringe. Sometimes you give it up because you want to and sometimes you give it up because you know it's what the hubby needs to settle for the night. If he's over demanding (asking for it everyday it even twice a day *no sir* then that's a different story. We need a break from the ghusuls loool).
You don't have to be Muslim to understand this, girlllls this is something everyone should be hearing. We don't need intimate details, we just need guys to know that women have to be pleased in that aspect too. We learn everything to please them and they should want to do the same. Also converse with them about it. All women are different and have a lot to explore. We aren't that simple lol and that's why this women is not satisfied, he is also selfish or she is not conversing with him. and honestly intimacy is about experiencing together, that's what makes it magical.
They talk for those muslim women Who even don't know that or feel ashmed to converse, as a muslim women they help another muslim girl Who feel shy because of the éducation she had to finaly understand that islam gives her the right to be completly satified exactly as her husband and he is obliged to stay with her even if he already get satisfied he MUST continue until she had orgasm too.
2 min into this and I am not even muslim and YESSS!!! I loved this video. These are issues and conversations that many religions and cultures need to talk about more often.
As a unmarried woman I always had anxiety surrounding this, and this video helped me. I feel more at ease. And I would love for you to make a part 2 addressing body positivity and being comfortable in your own skin, for many of us female who struggle with insecurity. Jazakullahu Kheyr
THEY DON'Y HAVE "HAYAT " THEY DON'T SHAME OR MANNERS THEY ARE MUSTARJILAAT THEY WANT TO BECOME MEN...............THESE ARE SHAYADIN AL- INS IF YOU ARE UNMARRIED YOU DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO THEM ......... IF YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THIS TOPIC ASK YOUR MOTHER , YOUR WOMAN SHEIKH AT MOSQUE OR READ ISLAMIC LITERATURE ......................RUN FOR YOU LIFE THEY ARE SHAYDAN WITH HIJAB ...................ALLAH KNOW BEST.
It is great to overcome any kind of fear that might be stopping you from being able to give and receive love. Living fully means a lot. So many years of unlived life is a loss. Research has shown intimacy to be of significant factor to human health.
I am a pure Christian always try to get away from (Satan) temptation, thought we believe differently watching this video gave me a direction after marriage. I think this issue is not only in Islam community but also in some cultures and religions. Big credit to u ladies God bless u and happy New year
Assalam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu we ladies also have an issue of interconnecting everything. We bring a lot with us to the bedroom. The sick children the misunderstandings around us. And everything else. I would like to advise the ladies to pay attention to what is being done to you and stop everything else and think only about the act of intimacy. There should be straight talk between the two parties study your body and show your partner where he touches and you feel great. Stop hurting yourself intimacy is fruitful and let happiness be part of the fruits. Trust me it is fun and we ladies are busy caring about what our hubbies will think of us and yet there are having fun. Join in the fun. Finally ladies please know that for us intimacy is psychological and emotional sort out your emotions. Set your mind to enjoy. For men it is physical they can go for it any time anywhere. Massalam
14:34 YES!!!!! Okay so here is how I stumbled upon your video-- I made a new series called "sexual intimacy 101" todays episode was about "how to sexually satisfy your wife" & subhanallah I spoke about this exact things. Great job making this clear & known.
The problem is that most of men dont even know that women Need sexual pleasure and the reason is that women feel ashamed of expressing their feeling/Need for sex to their men.
I recently heard a scholar at a Radio Station mention the "differences" between men and women when it comes to sexual desire and I felt so I don't even know the word. Basically saying that women are not in as much need as men are, it really upset me because there are so many women out there who have a far higher sex drive then their male spouses... If people could stop with the stereo-typing in the bayaans I think would be a great start. Some women have big appetites for intercourse with their spouses
Cause we are expected to be the Virgin Maryam and be devoted so asking for this natural feeling is dirty for us and not for men. We are not expected to have that much of sexual desire cause reputation and shame
I find it crazy that we even have to talk about these topics in such a way. As a human being that loves his or her spouse knowing and doing your best to satisfy your husband or wife should be a standard. It’s astounding that we have to be baby fed everything. Good job though sisters.
Sakina Maryam Karim It’s not only the Arab culture. It happens with a lot off communities which has strong culture norms. Which is also valued a lot more than anything. That’s why i’m anti culture. It’s so backward. I’m happy to know that Allah protected the women through Islam. Even if some refuse to give me my rights. I’m satisfied to know Allah did and that Allah also values me as a woman. That’s why it’s important for women to get Islamic knowledge.
It because in many culture and some belief a woman is not supposed to "enjoy" sex, it is service they provide and the man needs come first, there is a shame about it, if you express you desire: you are shamed.....that is why it is why.
This comment section is full of non Muslims masha allah This tea talk is a real talk We have to address these issues cuz it's also very important, alhamdulillah am so blessed to find this talk very early! And yess the point about haya is so true....!
I stumbled across this just now and watched it. I loved it and agree that our son's need to be educated on how to treat women. But sisters, not just in regards to sex, but before sex happens on the REAL intimacy issues like how to respect her, love her, listen to her, converse with her and treat her like a human and care for her before he even tried to ENTER her. How your husband relates to you in your lives together helps bring out true love and intimacy that happens before the bedroom. Then the real magic can happen in the bedroom. The husband and wife are used to talking and sharing and loving each other, so in the bedroom they are not intimidated to tell each other what is needed from the other and so on. Even shy women are encouraged to come forth with helpful information if she feels comfortable with her husband. And the husband can feel comfortable as well asking the wife to explore more if he needs to instead of using porn or another woman to fulfill his needs. The two way street does not feel lonely or confusing if there is good communication on how to cross the road with care!
Suar Ar Room - Verse 20 - And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
I think the men also need to prepare to look good for their wives, not only women. You know sometimes we take care for ourself as our duty and for them but for them they don't even bother.
9:24 agreed subhanallah & the MAN needs to be CONCERNED with pleasing his wife- That's HIS duty! Is this a "sisters only" type of show/podcast!? Any way I can jump on!!!???
I can't tell you how refreshing and amazing it is to listen to you intelligent muslim women speak of intimacy and sex so openly. I hope in the next generation, it can stop being a taboo!
I am a Catholic woman with a half sister who is Muslim. I am glad that there are platforms where Muslim woman speak openly to one another and offer each-other advice. Keep the good work up.
Yes this is it, its about the spiritual and emotional connection which is highlighted, physical intimacy not so much but just as one means. Its all about focusing on the more important things
I'm not a Muslim but I love these videos. My advice is sex is a two way thing not a one way thing. For a lot of women sex becomes a chore, something they do for their husbands not themselves. This is wrong and sad. Being in a lifeless marriage sounds like hell. This isn't just women speaking up this is men listening and willing to please their wives. Men need to understand sex is a million times better when the women is enjoying herself. Sex can't just be "I'm a man I'm horny take off your clothes and let's have sex" is there foreplay? Does he know what gets your aroused? Do you know what gets him aroused? Is there any intimacy in and out of the bedroom? These are the questions that need to be asked.
qanyare cawad All sexual practices are permissible, besides the specifically prohibited (such as anal sex) or harmful. Allah Most High says, “Your spouses are your fields, so approach your fields whichever way you like.” [Qur’an, 2.223]
I am sure that if the woman talks to her husband/ partner openly about what arouses her to reach that climax , he will listen and takes no notes . No men wants to see his woman feeling unsatisfied sexually. Sex is never a dirty or a shameful thing to feel shy to express your feelings to the man you want in your life .
Exactly . We, men should know about women anatomy , as i was lately reading about it foreplay, clitoris and all that and how women take time. If both are happy ,, relationship will be amazing
Fortunately I don't have these issues in my life, and honestly, I didn't know this was a thing because everyone is too ashamed to speak their minds. I was brought up in American culture So my attitude towards intimacy was much more independent than that of my sisters in more reserved cultures. Being open with your partner is key, and you must be direct. Men don't get "hints" very well. Keep up the good work ladies I applaud your openness with these difficult topics.
When I read the title of this video, I said "here we go again another video about intamacy where we don't talk about the real issues,where we're too afraid to say it like it is" but I must say I am surprised in a good way this is exactly how we should talk about it,clear and direct,women need to stand up for themselves ,this is the 21st century for GOD sake and most men believe they are the only ones who matter. An update people women have needs too, it's a fact you need to accept.
To be honest, before we even talk about intimacy in the bedroom or sex whatever you want to call it, my Muslims parents never even show affection to each other like holding hands Or kissing each other or hugging, whether that be outside or inside the home - I have never witnessed any affection between them or from them that I can remember. It’s left me with this void in myself of not knowing what affection is and I hate to say this but it’s lead me down the path of watching a lot of pornography to fill that void and although it’s ultimately my fault it’s a constant battle in me to stop watching it and I want to get married soon inshallah so I can stay away from this fitnah. Wallahi, and I say Wallahi again, pornography is a huge issue within the Muslim community that is not being spoken about and it’s sad that we are more ashamed to speak about it because we fear how our family and the rest of community will perceive us. It’s unfortunate that pornography is happening right under our noses but we are so scared of the shame- I come from a Somali Muslim family so I seriously understand how people feel who are in a similar situation to me. I am definitely not proud of my sins but it’s becoming a problem and I need to find a way to fix it inshallah before it affects my marriage. I pray for us Muslim brothers and sisters and may Allah forgive us all Inshallah.
I'm so glad you spoke up about your struggle.. and your 100% right. If pornography is not overcome before marriage it will destroy it. Its not fair on any spouse. But these days there is so much hope: Follow: twitter.com › waelibrahimhk Watch: m.ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Ge_EHjTM1Wo.html Read: productivemuslim.com/porn-addiction-part-2-interview-with-wael-ibrahim/
damn...I'm arab (that only matters in context to culture) and muslim, and my parents kiss (might I say too often lol) and hug eachother, they're also the type to make fun of eachother...and I don't understand this idea where people place culture over deen? Like both have the obligation to at least put effort for eachother so I don't understand where this culture of parents hiding affection to eachother or children comes from.
Mashaa Allah sisters, what a beautiful and important topic to talk about, alot of sisters suffered and still suffering, and very shy to address it, I was one of them, I end up getting divorced, but Alhamdullah I am married now and my husband is very understanding, sometimes the mentality of the man is just unchangeable!! I hope soon we can see a honest talk for Muslim men!
You ladies talked about intimacy in an educated and graceful way! This is just beautiful and amazing!! Thank you SO much for holding such conversations in the muslim community
I loved this, I felt like I was in the room. I've been missing being around other Muslim Sisters, this is beautiful! please keep these videos going, I love it!
This is a very important topic, I am having these issues in my marriage, it has come to the point when I am trying to avoid any sexual contact because I never feel any pleasure and very often feel pain, I never feel excited and somehow my husband blames me for it because he says with his previous partner enjoyed intimacy with him. I am capable of having desire and satisfy it when I am with myself but with him it’s never happened. I tried telling him what I want to try but he isn’t keen on doing it, I feel that I will never experience things in bedroom which I find exciting. Honestly men also think they are so good, but I think they greatly overestimate their skill in the bedroom. Also, ladies, watch out sometimes sexual disharmony is a sign of bigger issues in marriage that need addressing...
You have to make him understand that women have different bodies, some might be easily pleasured while others it takes time. You have to try to communicate with him softly so that he may understand you completely. Intimacy is a very important thing in a marriage, if you are not happy he may not be happy too. You have to try to talk to him about it, don’t be afraid. IT IS YOUR RIGHT TO FEEL SATISFIED.
Sometime when we have unbearable pain and comes back all the time Alhamdullillah Allah made us a forgetful lot. Try to for get the pain of intimacy. Try to fantasize way before you hubby indicates that he wants intimacy and be ready before hand if you can't reach happiness don't make a great deal out of it just know that there is next time. Just make sure you focus on what is being doing with you set goal as orgasm. You know you can feel it when your hubby is about to reach the peak. Slowly pull yourself back to let him feel the coldness make it playful so he can't notice. And you have bought yourself more time. Remember the first thing is the mindset. First clear that to only focus on The act and nothing else.
Agreed. When the notion ''a duty'' or ''a task'' is removed and she overcomes shyness, confidence takes over she will feel comfortable. the man need to make feel her comfortable and take away idea that she fulfilling a ''responsibility'' instead having a good time and enjoying herself.
Girls who are getting married need to hear such things, which are very important. It’s so hard to find such topics being discussed online. All these scholars talk about are love marriages and let the kids marry whoever they want but what about the marriage anxiety, intimacy and marrying someone who is a complete stranger?
My husband looks at me differently and is totally disconnected when I dress up for him and initiate intimacy. That same husband will be all over me when I look scary and feel dirty. I just can’t win
I'm so sorry to hear that sis. maybe like a previous sister said talk to your husband. but when you are delivering the message don't say it during a argument or a place of anger sit down have a cuppa or any beverage and sit down or even go for a walk and speak on it sis. good luck
I’m not Muslim but I appreciated this video. As a young woman I recognize the importance of have discussions like this one. I’ll be sharing this video especially with my muslimah friends. I hope you all continue making these videos and inshallah it really helps someone out there.
I heard a guy say a wife should open it wide and give it whenever the husband wants. I didn't argue with him but it prompted me to think long about it. As someone considerate , I believe the environment, the timing, the mood, the health has to be right. What if the woman is unwell, what if she has been very tired after a long day's work, what if she is going through depression or other mental illness and she has taken medication so she can rest. Yes, if all what I've mentioned ticks, and especially if the woman doesn't feel loved, how could she give it. And also there is those men who are dirty as and smelly and sweaty. And then when she doesn't give it, the men start giving fatwas when they haven't even prayed salaat and commit to household obligations. I want to learn also. Please comment.
I understand where you're coming from but inshaAllah look for good well balanced person with decent character if you're not married already, majority of men would not go forward with sex if the partner is not feeling for it... although there are some men that are not so sympathetic this why you need to communicate, dont be so narrow in your understanding of hadiths about the bedroom, there is room for interpretation from situation to situation/couple to couple, Islam is not black & White!! Remember you are also his sister in faith, so think well of him and inform him if uncomfortable, most brothers whould be happy to accommodate if brought to their attention. InshAllah this help.
I'm not a Muslim but I related to every bit of it. Addressing the taboo of sex and intimacy is every African and middle eastern woman's issue. I therefore think it's more of a cultural rather than a religious deficit. Otherwise, you ladies are lovely and inspiring
Have enjoyed this season so much and learnt alot from you sisters mashAllah. These discussions are so needed in our community!! Looking forward to season 2
this is such a wonderful program! As a unmarried woman I cannot speak to my sisters / mom about these topics. Nobody even told me about menstruation until one day I got my period in gym class in like the 7th grade and I thought I got hurt from the physical activities I was engaged in. I ran to the bathroom in tears because I thought I was going to die (my mother did not allow me to attend any sex education courses in school and I do not blame her, I’m actually very glad because the courses were not taught from an unislamic perspective). Anyways, I cannot imagine what marriage life will be like because I’m so ignorant about such topics and every info out there is so unislamic that I do not bother searching. I appreciate you sisters for this channel and I look forward to learning more from you. May Allah reward you ten folds!
Ya No nothing is wrong about curiosity and looking for information. Sexual satisfaction is God given rights , I hope u get the opportunity to experience soon .
If Marriage is a form of Ibadah.... and it IS! then all aspects of marriage must be treated as such. Sexual love, as you said, is a GIFT. Therefore being grateful for this gift should be expressed in all the ways that Allah Subhanuhu wa ta'ala has given to us. It behoves us to be humble before our Lord in obedience concerning this vital area of male/female communication within marriage. And what does that kind of obedience mean? it means putting aside AND stepping away from cultural misguidance concerning sex within marriage and looking at the Qur'an & Sunnah concerning what Allah says about sexual love. Any shame and disgust felt is NOT from Allah, these are issues we need to address and thank you sisters for your opening volley in doing this. In shaa Allah you will continue with a part 2, 3 and even 4! Intimacy is such a diverse topic, not just the sexual act (which, let's face it, can be MIND BLOWING for the husband and wife if done properly with sensitivity, care, love and selflessness) but intimacy in communication, sharing our deepest thoughts on many aspects of life, faith and behaviour.... You ladies are just AMAZING! May Allah continue to bless you all as you serve him, ameen.
This topic is so needed in the ummah i only heard mufti menk speaking about satisfying your wife. This is one of my anxiety of getting married i want to be satisfy as a woman
As a virgin this was very interesting. Sometimes I feel pressured by this generation and how no one believes I have almost no intimate interaction with men and don’t want to. Intimacy for me is like she said intimate conversations with honesty between friends. This was comforting.
There is a lot of news around us. Do not be carried away by the noise around. Be yourself and listen to your inner self for guidance. May Allah protect you.
Thank you so much sisters from the bottom of my heart for these honest conversations. You have helped me in so many ways. May Allah reward you abundantly and put Barakah in your life. Please keep doing what you're doing.
I love how shes silent for a while and then steps in with few yet powerful words mashaAllah they all have their own ways of addressing these topics and I feel we can all see pieces of ourselves in each of them
I think a big mistake people make with their wives is they do "things" for her and expect intimacy in "exchange" and when they don't get it ...they get frustrated and start to resent. No doubt urges are really strong in men. But men must learn to love their wives and do things for her as a sadaqa meaning Not expecting anything from her but from the creator. Giving which is based on expectation is bound to lead to disappointment and frustration. The principle of Islam is treat others how you wud want Allah SWT to treat you. If your wife is tired for intimacy or she refuses it ... Instead of dictating the hadith of her responsibilities and duties for intimacy pray to Allah to forgive her. Because we re not sinnless ourselves. And maybe hope that Allah let's go of our sins. The duties of the wife are for the wives to read and implement and not for the husband's to use against them. The duties of the husband's are for the husband's to read and inplement and not for the wives to use against the husband's.
@@hamesiby80 that's why you marry a woman who has gratitude. Men chase beauty but most of the time (not always) beauty comes with arrogance and entitlement. Especially in this day and age. Then they make the mistake of overly trying to please their wives at the cost of their principles. So the wife loses respect for the husband. When he does things for his wife .... there is a hidden intention behind it mixed with intentions of love. He expects intimacy. The wife knows that husband wants it and thinks she has the power over him and she will lose respect for the husband. Wife will sense your frustration when you don't get what you want in "exchange" for the gift. When you buy a gift for your wife with zeal and enthusiasm do you buy it a gift for your mother with the same zeal and enthusiasm. Remember No1 priority should always be Allah and to serve humanity and Muslims and develop good character. When you give ... Don't expect anything in return. You're doing it to please your Rab. You will be adequately compensated with houris if your wife refuses intimacy.
@@hamesiby80 Nobody is denying the rights. I was just advocating not being too harsh to implement your rights. In the beginning of marriage I am sure there is no shortage of intimacy. People show excessive love to their wives and are later not able to maintain it. The wife will take this decrease as a sign and will reduce intimacy as well. And if it reaches a stage where she is constantly denying intimacy then it's ground for divorce as well. What I am trying to say is that men need to maintain emotional self control in case wife denies intimacy once in a while whether she is Ill or not. You need to maintain balance of emotions by not showing frustration, anger and not decreasing your love for her. If you lose self control and balance then she will lose respect for you and will not be aroused for you. She will sense you have stopped treating her the way you used to. You can communicate how you feel and what you expect in a loving way. Also The more patient you are Allah will reward you that much more. And nobody is guaranteed jannah so. Everyone will get according to his own actions and the mercy of Allah and if one shows mercy to his wife then he shall be rewarded.
@@hamesiby80 maybe you may enter jannah of you are patient with your wife as the prophet saw said he best among you are those who are best to their women.
@@hamesiby80 I am not saying treat her like a Disney Princess. That's exactly the mistake guys make. They are too nice on the beginning and can't control the infatuation. You are not a doormat. Let me give you an example. Let's say you have 10k dollars and your monthly expense is 7k dollars (hypothetical). And your friend wants to borrow 4k dollars and he says he will repay u in 5 days. If u give him 4k dollars hoping he will return it back ... It might cause u mental stress if he doesn't. Instead u give him only 2k dollars and keep an extra 1k dollars for emergency and even if he doesn't manage to return it back. You're not stressed out. Give only that much to another person for which u don't expect anything in return. Give love as a sadaqah not as a loan to get back something ... Even if it means giving less right from the beginning.
@@hamesiby80 or else you will end up resenting the other person. Better not to keep a scoreboard. First remedy is of course to marry someone pious who believes that her door to jannah is her happy husband.
Sex is a need of the body like food and water. Men can be selfish. My husband only a few times reached climax and I didn't and he thought I'd keep wanting sex. Nu uh! I put that straight. Made sure he knows I have needs too, and what works. My husband now puts in 'alot of the work' if he wants sex! Like, if he doesn't turn me on as is needed for a woman to desire sex, and smell nice etc... not happening. If the angels curse a woman for 'refusing sex', what do you think the angels write for a man who approaches his wife like an animal! Alhamdulillah communication is key. Please sisters don't harm your body and mind by having sex that doesn't satisfy you. Equally, some sisters don't put in effort. Like these sisters said, go in wanting fun too. There are times I approach my husband because I love him and desire him. Its the best intimacy.
Ikramah reported: Ibn Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “Verily, I love to beautify myself for my wife, just as I love for her to beautify herself for me, due to the saying of Allah Almighty: They have rights similar to those over them.” (2:228)
As a woman who has lived her life with many needs not being met ie emotional physical and mental. I feel lost for direction and nowhere to go to speak about these issues. Perhaps other sisters feel the same after years of neglect. Not knowing myself and only discovering me now. I would like help with where to go from here. I would really like this to be addressed so life can become bearable and I can make peace with my past experiences.
@lubbna Sis about physically you can research and then see if the information suits you. But Emotionally you should have big dream and make yourself busy by achieving it. Try to help people especially who is close to you then you feel satisfied for your life. My opinion😊
A new subscriber here. I immediately fell in love with you sisters. I'm not married yet (pray for me lol) but i have a question. You mention that a sister must know herself and her body. She must know what she likes and be vocal about it to her husband. Well my question is, how? Lol. How will she know what she likes? Lot's of love and respect From a fellow sister! Xx
And try your best to be open from the beginning with simplicity 'I liked that' 'that works for me more than xyz' If you dont like something or like something try and share it with him straight away. If you leave it hoping it will improve change thats unhelpful - most guys wont get hints. Push down that awkwardness and be direct, open and own what you say. Not to offend him but to help you both enjoy the experience. And when you do - tell him! He'll appreciate the positive feedback - and you'll benefit.
You can tell your husband just in the moment 'This feels so good', or afterwards/when cuddling 'When you did this, this really felt wonderful' or 'I like how you...' If something doesn't feel good, hurts or just doesn't do it for you, navigate him/his hands by your hand or by words. A good playful way for shy or newlyweds: the hot/cold game. You tell each other, if something feels good or is going into the right direction, say it's 'warm' or 'warmer' and 'hot'. The some goes for when the place is not the right one, say 'cold'. You will also see and hear without words (breathing, shaking, facial expression, body language,...). You can also blindfold each other or one of you and discover each other with careful kissing, stroking, massaging, etc. You will quickly see, hear or feel what you like. Not seeing heightens the other senses. Without seeing you probably feel less ashamed and just focus on yourself or pleasing your hubby without feeling shy. Good luck. May you get a great and thoughtful husband who is also seeking knowledge how to make you happy and who is open-minded. Amen.
I think the knowledge of marriage, duties, responsibility should be given to both young man and young women who are at that age of marriage being halal for them. It should be a part of their classes same as quran, tawheed, language etc.
Husband and wife are garments for each other and nothing comes in closer contact to you than you garments. So why shy away from each other? You never shy away from your garment. Your garment touches every part of you so yes do haya with everyone but not around your spouse. Be raw, be vulnerable and be brave
RU-vid Daily Fix exactly. That is why you have the right to choose clothing that best suits you, that you are comfortable and confident wearing. That is how the intimate relationship should be.
I want part 2 lol seriusly though, randomly rummaging through answers and didn't expect this much detail (Incomparison to other vids) on topic. I Definitely will reference this vid in the future, if ever I sense an issue with the future spouse
WOW machallah ! I've just fallen in this video and I must congratulate with you for breaking the stereotype of non-sense shyness when talking about these topics in a civil and respected manner
wow, thank honorable ladies for this important discussion. am not Muslim but I always want to learn about helpful and realistic information about life, love and spiritual nourishment from all directions.
