This came at just the right time for me. For the past 4 years I was dating a Muslim man in hopes of getting married to him. I was so in love. Prior to this I hadn’t known any Muslim people and he taught me a lot about the faith, I was already dressing modestly and a lot of my values aligned with traditional Muslim values anyway so I planned on taking my shahada soon and becoming a revert to officially marry him. About a month ago I figured out he had a wife and kids back in his home country. I was so devastated. I’ve been so bitter and angry but now I can accept he just wasn’t the right person for me and there is someone else out there who will appreciate me. I don’t know how I’ll find this person but I trust Allah will guide me. Thank you ladies! I have a lot to think about as I go on my journey.
I'm sorry you went through all these. I'm glad you did not allow it to affect your belief. Some wrong people come into our life for a right reason we can't see immediately. They come and shape us into the right mode for the right person to be able to come into our lives. I hope I make sense. Move on and stay firm. One day you will look back and understand why Allah allowed this to happen. I believe it will end in smile in sha Allah. Stay strong.
@@sma4301 Wow! I never thought of it like that! You’re so right! I think if anything I’ve grown more confident in what I’m willing to accept in a partner and not settle for. This comment is everything I needed to hear and more 💕 thank you so much 😊
A deal breaker for me was what is my future in-laws attitudes towards me? What impression they leave me when we first interact? I didn’t want to marry someone if his parents didn’t even like me. I wanted to be apart of a family that is welcoming. Don’t forget to do istikhara prayer my dear sisters ❤️.
Alhamdullahi. you break off you did yourself a favor never settle for less. bad in laws will ruin your life. may ALLAH find you righteous husband & righteous in law.
: Well, let me remind you that you are not getting married to the whole family, you are only getting married to one person and as long as you both love or care about each other may be the most important thing about it, so it seems like you don't have a good reason to reject someone just because their family don't like you.
@Franca Wong funny how you think that responding to your rude comment with the same energy means I have a bad soul, you should really re-evaluate your life.
The childhood trauma and healing questions are so so so important. Forget "What's your favorite color?" and get in deep conversations instead. Be attentive to how the potential spouse behave with their parents, friends, strangers. Notice how they react when they are presented with a problem or resistance. Do they communicate efficiently? Do they close down and give you the silence treatment? Do they pay attention to your opinions, values... Emotional intelligence is something I wish I was taught before getting married and I would have looked for in my partner. Take your time to ask those questions. Look for actions that show congruency between words and behavior. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
Let us point out what the Qur'anic verses on polygamy actually say: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one." (Al-Nisa', 4:3) A subsequent verse states: "You are never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire." (Al-Nisa', 4:129) It is clear from this verse that: First, the Qur'an does not give men the blanket right to have more than one wife. Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice for orphans. What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted. Second, because polygamy is not a right, Allah placed conditions on its practice. There is an overriding concern for justice in this short verse, and conditions are set to ensure that justice is done. Condition A: Polygyny is permitted within the context of war and orphans. It is permitted only if the men fear they would not be able to deal justly with the orphans. Condition B: The man who wants to be polygynous must have the capacity to be fair and just to all his wives. The verse is a call for just conduct towards women, not a right for men to fulfill their alleged lustful desires or their egos. And just treatment here means more than a man's financial capacity to support more than one wife: He must be fair in all ways, including in the time, support, and companionship he provides to his wives and children. Condition C: If the man fears he cannot deal justly with all his wives, then Allah advocates that he should marry only one as this will ensure equality. This is explicitly stated in the verse
@@sagiri__ Excuse sir but plz research seriously seen a lot like u. who just inform but really without any proper research We have to have certain principles (for men to have four wives and hey nones forcing just think about the ladies who are devorced some of them are old they some are depressed some are poor And some men cannn provide them with sufficient love food and necessities if they can treat them equally then (there can be more principles ) they can go for that it's their choice nones forcing any1
I’m Sikh and 27 and this was nice to watch. I completely agree that don’t wait for a guy to complete you. You complete yourself! Find someone who compliments and understands you. I’m happy on my own and If marriage happens it happens.
Hey dear Sikhni sister. Welcome to the community of religious sisters uniting in our struggles, experiences and feelings. I´m glad to see a friend from another faith watching a clip that is really universal. I often see Christian friends watching "Muslim" oriented clips as well. Much love and respect from a Muslim, Canadian-Pakistani sister!
Wealth and children are the adornment of this worldly life, but the everlasting good deeds are far better with your Lord in reward and in hope. 18:46 Please remember why we are on this earth.. and yes sister if marriage comes it’s comes, how many times do Allah say in the Quran that we would get a spouse in jannah ❤️🤲🏾 I’m a 24 man
My biggest fear is never getting married because I just don't know how to go about it. But for now I'm trying to make peace with it but inshallah I will find someone.
@@alishataylor9480 what?? That's not bad . I thought you were gonna say Finland or something lol. Maybe try to relocate to another northern city like Manchester, Leeds, bradford. Plenty of Muslims there . To actually communicate with them could try a marriage app. If they are serious they'll come to meet you .
I agree with you , my parents would never let me move to be honest I think the main issue is how to even meet people like I've finished uni I wish I hung out with more people at uni so I could have spoken to more etc. Now I just don't know what to do.
The best Dua to make for a spouse, at least in my opinion, ask Allah to send you someone that You NEED! What I have learned from my experiences is that many times what we think we want turns out to be things we despise. Only Allah knows you best, so who better to ask than The One who created you. Like they say, be careful what you ask for!
@@hellfirejahannam7734 lol your profile name. Love how women have bad experience and then blame all men. I'm not married, but that's unreasonable. It's like saying all women are slu.ts, based one example.
A true pleasure to watch mature women to talk between themselves about having a husband, building a family, and finding their leader. This is unseen in the western world, where women will be talking about the new Satisfyer version, about how much do they hate their husbands, and about their new lovers. If you are a princess, you will find your prince.
@Maksud Mehraz who said that they HAVE to be beautiful? Women are meant to be good Muslims and if they are beautiful that is that. You can take care of yourself without being defined by your beauty. Women aren’t defined by their beauty. Women don’t owe anyone beauty
@Maksud Mehraz NO. Societies around the world just sexualise women in a way that they don’t sexualise men. That’s why people pay more attention to women’s appearances. This has nothing to do with men being visual creatures. They are visual but women are not meant to be valued solely based on their appearances. They are full human beings. Mind, body and soul. Thanks and goodbye
@Maksud Mehraz and what are women supposed to do when they are not a certain height, have a slim thick body, certain skin tone and features? You’re talking as if all women meet the beauty standards. We don’t. There are women out there who get rejected based on her skin tone, height etc.
Three Most beautiful Ladies made it understand beautifully for a divorced girl to wear c0nfidence to marry again....Great respect to these p0sitive Women❣
I had a freind who was married for a month which then scared her not to marry for a couple of years. Al humdulillaah, she's married now. And then i know sisters who jump from husband to husband straight after their divorce so it depends on the person's attitude and confidence. I must say first sister was more shy and quite while the other sisters (marriage to marriage) were more confident / extroverts
Aaah I love what the sister said “maybe you don’t need good maybe you want better than good and Allah has someone perfect for you “ well said sis and thank you for saying that for many years people keep telling me that I am picky haha now I know I am not picky and Allah has someone special for me 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
"We are in this dunya to save our souls. Your partner needs to feed health into your soul in order for you to give the best of yourself to Allah. You are better off on your own feeding, nourishing your soul yourself, than to just accept anything due to feeling lonely" Needed to hear this.
: Not every thing you said seems to be right, so I gave your comment a 'like' because of the right thing in it! let me also remind you that knowledge is every thing, if you have knowledge, then you would always know the right thing to do and the wrong thing not to do.
Very informative talk. Any tips for young boys to look for their future wife? Those who are married and did not get the chance to ask all those questions...any guidance?
One of my greatest fear is not finding a man to get married to, but getting married to the man I really desire, rather than settling for what I see for certain reasons. In the light of this fear, sometimes I wonder If what I want is too much and I'd consider lowering it. Another time, I'd believe what I want exists, I'm just yet to get it.😌 This blessed me. I needed it! Thanks for being honest and real, beautiful sisters. May Allah reward you richly. Amin
I enjoyed this video but I feel like the title should be changed, I was expecting a video on how to actually find a potential spouse in a halal way (for those who are not having an arranged marriage for example). I feel like this video more addressed what to ask a potential spouse when you are courting. Maybe you could do another video addressing how to go about meeting someone, I would love to get your input on that inshallah!
How to meet a potential is wide just make sure when you are interacting/texting for the first time you keep within boundaries and be modest and straighforward
@@onlyallahisworthyofworship5599 not exactly your wali doesn’t need to be present you can introduce yourself to an individual and let him know you are interested and if he is to, then tell him to talk to your wali.
@@onlyallahisworthyofworship5599 I don't have a wali for example. I think it would be a little unfair to me if I couldn't talk to a potential suitor. I would happily have my sister around when meeting in real life though
I was here thinking “these fine ladies in their 20s are really smart”, then she goes and drops “my 16 years old daughter”, then vampires, these ladies are vampires
I am watching this from Somalia. This is very important topic but let me add this ; a year back when I was in my last year of the university in a certain period the lecturer told us " I know you all have someone in your mind that you would love to marry, but that kind of person only exists in your mind and hearts . You need to give up something , you need to make the list of the qualities you look for in women less otherwise you people will be single forever ". After one year I came to know that everyone of us has to give up something in order to marry. Greetings to you guys.
The ex - so good! The only thing that was not mentioned that should have been in this regard is how he talks about the ex. If it was, “She’s crazy, she’s this and that,” not always but very often, it’s a RED FLAG that HE was actually doing those things. The person also denigrating their ex is not a good reflection on them and tells you what you can expect if things go wrong in your union.
@@jewelssparks3648 She did but what I meant was that a further, clearer explanation of that point could have been given including the danger of how abusers in particular speak about their exes. I understand how and why they wouldn’t have expanded on it as they have a lot to cram in but I wanted to mention it as I think it’s a very important point - one that can save many people from future heartache in shaa Allaah.
Hey, running a criminal background in what sense? I know people who spent time in jail and have a serious criminal record. They are still married. Some found a wife after their release. In the country like the USA everyone can get a criminal record for nothing. Getting to know the person and taking time is wiser than running a criminal check
Sometimes it’s ok, to look at everything and maybe decide “You are just not ready” and you should be honest with yourself in asking “I’m I ready?” Cause sometimes people get married because it seems like it’s expected of them!
@Franca Wong I respectfully disagree with you, if someone feels like there not ready, they don’t have to get married, YES! even at 30! Marriage is sunnah and a big responsibility. No two people are the same, so no one should be pressured to get married just because they are getting older. And I’m not 30, I’m 20 so I got time and a bit of developing to do. No pressure!
Let us point out what the Qur'anic verses on polygamy actually say: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one." (Al-Nisa', 4:3) A subsequent verse states: "You are never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire." (Al-Nisa', 4:129) It is clear from this verse that: First, the Qur'an does not give men the blanket right to have more than one wife. Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice for orphans. What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted. Second, because polygamy is not a right, Allah placed conditions on its practice. There is an overriding concern for justice in this short verse, and conditions are set to ensure that justice is done. Condition A: Polygyny is permitted within the context of war and orphans. It is permitted only if the men fear they would not be able to deal justly with the orphans. Condition B: The man who wants to be polygynous must have the capacity to be fair and just to all his wives. The verse is a call for just conduct towards women, not a right for men to fulfill their alleged lustful desires or their egos. And just treatment here means more than a man's financial capacity to support more than one wife: He must be fair in all ways, including in the time, support, and companionship he provides to his wives and children. Condition C: If the man fears he cannot deal justly with all his wives, then Allah advocates that he should marry only one as this will ensure equality. This is explicitly stated in the verse
I was given the advice to pay attention to how he treats the waiter (or anyone serving you). Because you're on a date, he's going to be trying to impress you, but where his personality will really shine through is how he treats others.
I'm a woman and when I see another woman who is confident and has built herself and is doing something with her life like maybe helping the community in some way, no matter how old is she and she hasn't gotten married yet, I do admire her and I feel that she is the perfect wife to anyone because she is not just sitting there waiting to a husband to come.
Sometimes disillusionment is the reality of your circumstances, it's not about seeking/looking for a husband but possibly that there isn't anyone out there e.g.age, family circumstances, physical conditions, it would be nice to have a talk about for women who have to come to terms with life as a single person/parent.
@@aishahussein2072 Men choose the best for their souls also we're not settling any for any less than what we deserve especially divorcees who have kids like why would we have leftovers and women don't want men who have kids so don't you dare say men should accept women who have kids.
@@aishahussein2072 : As long as you know what the best is not if you don't even know what the best is, you also need to know that humans lives more than once not just once.
@Franca Wong : Not only their parents but give everyone the treatment they deserve, treat people the way they need to be treated not just your parents.
As a person who sings he should be on the deen,He should be on the deen, this was such an eye opener, Subhana Allah Can we get another episode where you discuss more of this because it's such a crucial step before we start the journey of marriage
I wish these kind of conversations were able 20 years ago , it would of helped me aloooooooooot to make the right choice on the right time, honestly if you are young take advantage.
Hello sisters. I am in my mid 20s and unfortunately, I am already divorced twice. By listening to some of the topics you’re raising here are exactly points that I ignored after my first marriage that actually lended me to divorce the second time. I have always thought that I have too much expectation from men and that is why my marriages ended. But I think I know better. Thank you very much for this talk. It’s very helpful for me and insha Allah I know to actually heel myself and self actualize myself before I engage in a new relationship.
@A simple Guy Just simple I initiated the divorce both times. 1st time is was bc of physical and emotional abuse and the second time was because of emotional distress.
@A simple Guy Just simple by emotional distress I meant I was not getting what I wanted from the marriage in terms of understanding, communication and physical interaction. The one thing that interested my ex-husband more was that for him I am a way of getting financial stability etc....
@A simple Guy Just simple it very easy to assume when we don’t know the whole story. But I understand. You can can only talk based what you understood. Thank you for comments.
Being yourself, and knowing yourself is so important. Lower your standards for no one, because most men will not do it for women. I love it “women can also see”. 😂 Yes we have feelings and eyes too. I hate that society feels that we should accept a guy even if he is unattractive, while we have to look like a barbie with an expiration date...”if not married by this time, discard” 🤦🏾♀️
I think something really important that is often overlooked is emotional maturity and rationality and being present. Will this person acknowledge your thoughts and your feelings in a healthy and responsive way or do they have defective mechanisms of processing emotion or reacting to conflict that will leave issues unresolved? Will they be able to step outside of their opinions and what they've always assumed, to relate to your point of view about things?
Inshallah this divorced sister will marry her beautiful divorced brother in 2021...great topics, ladies! Happy to be enjoying Season 3 of Honest Tea Talk!!
Shukran. These sisters are inspiring, realistic and transparent. This is a very important discussion. May Allah reward you with goodness in the Dunia and Akhirah. JazakaAllah
I liked the ep. However I don't think it was that realistic to tell divorced sister's to not lower their standards . It's a fact that most men won't consider a divorcee with children . So if you are to get married you would have to lower your standards. I wish it didn't have to be this way but many men know that there are a heap of good women who won't be divorced or with children . Shame the quality of men rarely matches the women
That's a generalisation. Yes, there are men who won't, but that's not most men. Divorced women are not less than and shouldn't be made to feel like they don't have a right to have standards for themselves and their children. If anything, I (LaYinka), think divorcees should have higher standards because they're remarrying with themselves and their kids in mind.
@@HonestTeaTalk I agree that divorcees with children should have higher standards . However we're talking about marriage here right, And trying to find a husband . And I believe the most realistic way for a divorcee with children is through compromising . The standards that men would have to reach would be unattainable for many men .
@@shahee6579 or they can find a man with children who also is divorced. Their life would be more relatable and they would be able to understand each other more. Regarding his character and traits, she shouldn’t have to lower those. She can still find a good man with a good heart who tries his best to fear Allaah that’s in the same boat as her (divorced with children or even without).
@@shahee6579 What a false statement made out of purr emotional and not logically. What do you mean the quality of men rarely matches the women. What a load of b.s. Do you have any idea of how many good men there with good character who have been rejected by women based on their financial situation and status in life? There are plenty of women who reject good men just because of other factors that has nothing to do with their good character but the women don’t care and overlook their good character and traits just because he may not have the looks or status they are seeking. So please don’t make silly untrue statements like this.
I'm a Muslim girl and I don't even know how to start my search because non of my friends or family know anyone, and there are not many Muslims where I live.
Social media is way better than using dating apps. Simply because you have mutual followers and interests. I would never encourage a Muslim girl to go on dating apps as you don’t know the intentions of the person
I understand looking inwards before finding a partner but from my experience some things that I thought would bother me didn't when I started meeting potential suitors. From meeting people, I have learnt more about my dealbreakers and I have a stronger stance on it. I have also arrived at new dealbreakers after courting because I didn't even know a thing like that would become an issue for me. So I feel like meeting people/ courting helps you understand yourself better.
If you are out there constantly meeting than something is wrong with you and what you are looking for. If you are looking for someone then look for a guy with deen have your wali check if that individual is right for you.
@@sumaiyaiqbal4345 There's online dating or just spending time in places that bring you peace and your will find a potential spouse that way. Like picking up an activity
@@Rantitoutloud i think they're trying to say that you're constantly meeting people and letting them go because you're trying to fill a void in you that cannot be filled by another person. Something missing that your trying to fill that goes beyond another person.
How to eliminate toxic culture and follow Islam better with your spouse is a huge important topic to cover in the future inshallah because in places like Pakistan, India etc. Many families follow old traditions and always ingrain societies expectations and gender roles leading to toxic masculinity and toxic femininity to the younger generations. This is a problem that must be discussed because it ruins marriages, relationships, friendships, teens, kids, and this generation! In fact this culture contradicts Islam itself! Please shed light and advice to this serious matter as it will help millions struggling with Deen vs toxic culture especially when it comes to marriage and spouse relationships! May Allah bless us all and guide us and grant us Jannatul Firdous Ameen!!!
10:15 that reminded me of another interesting talk by Dr Tariq Habib discussing when girls didn't get the affection of their fathers (!!) And how this can negatively influence them in choosing a future husband - they might chose a man who they seem able to replace that void of not having had a "present" dad role in their childhood and not searching instead for values of a husband. And this journey of self discovery and healing is an often overlooked one........
@@Hiba-zo1km Just look up "girls with daddy issues". Even none-Islamic sources are great. You'll quickly understand the brute psychology behind daddy issues, and you'll be able to improve.
Lol when the sister was talking about anxious attachment and childhood wounds... Its like she was talking directly about my situation. I was married and divorced because major issues arose and I realised I was very naive when I was choosing a husband. I definitely agree that it's important to take a hard look at your own issues and deal with them first before finding someone. unfortunately many of us will have to learn the hard way. Alhamdulilah the silver lining in my situation is that I didn't wait to have kids. Nothing ties me to him. One of the main reasons I ask for a divorce is that I could see he would be an inadequent parent. He was a very lost person. May Allah guide us all. Ameen.
As someone who is now entering the 'looking out for a partner' phase this was extremely helpful. Thaaank you three, I love all of your talks so much. May Allah reward you for the knowledge you are spreading on not so much discussed topics and grant you all jannah firadaus in sha Allah ameen🥰 and one of the best things on RU-vid was to come across the honest tea talk. It's actually funny because I was trying to search the red table talk and I think that's how I came across you guys. In addition I was studying for my finals at the library and took a break watching the first episode. xx greetings from Germany💫👏🏿
Thank you sister, I really enjoyed this episode as single sister here my biggest fear is to end up marrying someone just because of loneliness. Mashallah, another amazing topic Allah bless you all and your family 🙏🏾
Prayer always. and marriage are rizq as other rizq so the only way to find what you want is to Pray hard and have trust with Allah. that yes one day inshalla.
Alhamdulillah sisters, I have been divorced 11 years and Alhamdulillah I love my life. Still I didn't find who have what iam looking for and if I don't get that man , iam peace with my self, Alhamdulillah
Ladies please please make social events after lockdown. Personally speaking I would love to make new friends in London, and it seems like u would create such a wonderful environment for so many of us, in shaa Allah ❤️
Not smart... We human are made for each other. That means primarily for procreation. By refusing to procreate (husband, kids, starting a new family,...) you're going against your own nature or biology. And doing that is not wise. So, just keep that in mind before making that decision in your life.
@@abdirahmanfarah5123 am in my late thirties! Everyday I notice that i infact made the right choice, i have nothing to worry about, I support my mom and dad and if i had childreni wouldnt be able to deal with the constant responsibilities, I would’ve been a loser and it woulda been injustice to my husband and kids, I’m family oriented, I have my nephews and niece and life couldn’t be any better. Sometimes it’s important to be real to our own self and accept our weaknesses. And just because being a wife and a mother is rewarding to most people, it doesn’t mean we’ve to follow it blindly.
@@sally8514 I have the feeling that you're dealing with issues regarding self-esteem and self-love. Don't think think so low of yourself. But, hey... If you feel the path you're taking is better for you and that's your conscious choice, i respect that. May Allah make it easy for you
I desperately need a talk on HOW TO ACTUALLY go about it. The situation amongst the youth is kinda bad. We're left to ourselves. But inshaAllah Allah will make a way.
I would like to hear from them as well on this. I have learned from experience and a failed marriage after 6 years: if he tells you something, hear him and believe him, don't think he will change his opinion for you down the line.
PART 2 I LOVE THIS I feel so educated! My question: 1. Where do I meet someone for marriage? 2. Its awkward! How can I ask such questions mentioned? 3. How do you deal with the fear of rejection with a potential spouse, i think it can affect someone's self esteem... Mashallah you guys are amazing 🥰
I was so happy they mentioned how important it is to ask these questions face to face. I couldn't agree more. You cant believe what someone says through text and the phone. It could be scripted.
This Honest tea talk was pipeing HoT! You ladies touched on everything! Let me go back to my list of standards and add must not snore🤣🤣🤣, I think an important question is how is your relationship with your Mother, and close relatives such as siblings and parents.
Sorry to say that is important but someone can be bullied by the family n so they look very bad but in actual fact they are victims suffering don't always judge by that see how they are with thier friends n how they handle relationships generally
@@user-qe1mk6xk1z well that's why it's a question that I want to ask and have it answered honestly, if that's what you are going thru be real and say so, I have my own mind, and what this episode should make us realize is that we should be ourselves when getting to know someone who you are interested in marrying, I may be going thru something with my family as well, be honest dont put up this fake facade like most of us do to try and impress someone who we may think is thee One, let's just be Real and see where it goes from there.
Yes this is true, my sister in law has no relationship with her mother or brother. She has been poison to our family since she married my brother. He married her after just one meeting and she put on an act the whole meeting. Didn’t take long for her mask to fall off.
I am a guy and i am taking notes from here, as a guy i always thought that marriage always have to go my way, what ever i decide i hope my wife will never question, this gives me the ability to never worry about who i will end up with!
As a man I learnt a lot from this conversation. A very honest, wholesome talk about the topic which I will happily share with my daughter in the years to come. The scary thing is that-to my knowledge-similar healthy conversations aren't happening amongst Muslim men online.
Muslim men from their early 20s are the one demographic in the West who discuss marriage more than their peers. Also these conversations always exist amongst them even if not online
@@nizal9388 How do you know they are the one demographic who discuss marriage more than their peers? Has there been a census about it? If so, I'd love to see it.
@@Ceri07 because Im male and muslim and I have grown up with non muslim male friends. Discussing this with nonmuslim friends is viewed as weird and you are viewed as old fashioned. Its a common discussion amongst muslims. I dont need a census to understand my own community, unless im arguing with a liberal or atheist. Marriage is a hot topic in the muslim community especially for the youth, particularly as more get into Islam.
@@nizal9388 Well, that's not my experience. You can't generalize and say 'Muslim men speak about this more than others' when in actually fact all you are speaking about is your own personal experience. This is the whole point about opinions vs. facts. In your opinion and experience, Muslim men talk about it more than other communities. Fair enough, that's your experience. As I said, that's not my experience and I know it's not the experience of others who I know. Furthermore, when I've heard Muslim men discuss it, it's been in a generic way and not in depth and honestly as it was in this talk. For example, cases of divorce are seemingly increasing in the community, but the nuanced questions that arise because of it are rarely addressed amongst men. Conflict between wives and mothers-in-law is a common source of conflict amongst newly married couple. I've rarely-if ever-heard it addressed in any detail amongst Muslim men. But anyway, with tawfiq!
I’m a guy but I wanted to watch this and I love it hahaha, keep up the great work! Alhamdulillah, may Allah grow your channel if it will benefit you in this dunya and the hereafter, ameen.
I watch these to learn how my sisters feel. Man really insightful...breaks my heart when they was talking about divorced sisters. I'd marry to a women with 4 kids. I have a daughter FYI.
This is so good. You have provided a representation of a contemporary muslim woman's guide/thought process to find a husband. No submissiveness or compromises as expected out of woman usually. I am glad I came across this video! Thanks Ladies!
could you please talk about what if the women has gone through an emotional/ traumatic childhood and how she doesn't take that into her marriage and when raising kids, or a separate video on how to raise kids without taking on our parents influences from our own childhood
This is such a good question!! I hope they cover this! They also mentioned that it's important to heal, but for some, it's knowing how to do just that. So it'll be good if there some advice which covers this
@@TheLADYinORANGE 1.Ask Allah to help you heal, connect with Him. 2.Create a new story for yourself, create a new-self concept, affirm the new personality traits you want(opposite of what you experienced as a child, but do not try to suppress what you experienced, instead accept them and tell yourself it is time for a new you with a different story). 3. After you have changed this new concept of you, go out there and act like this new person; if you hit difficulties, do not stop, keep going until the new you becomes your new reality. 4. Read books or watch videos about this topic. This is what I used (and still use as I'm in a journey ) and it helps me . Hope the same for you :)
Really liked this talk. Very insightful. I also cannot stress enough the power of duaa especially in the last third of the night. That's how my sister got married actually to her now wonderful husband of 10 years mashallah.
Amazing discussion ladies, may Allah reward you for this good deed. I agree on the part 2,3, 4, 5, there is a need (a thirst actually) for such open honest discussions. Now, to all the women out there, please do not lower your standards, have faith. If we as a collective demand better, we will get better, because we deserve sooo much better. I deserve the best and you deserve the best. To be loved, respected and honoured in the way that you want and need. This is not a fantasy, it is realistic, if you believe it to be. Continue on your healing journey, love, respect and honour yourself. ❤🌹
Thank you for being so candid and saying what we are all thinking. I have been reflecting on this alot, especially coming from a narcisstic family and the need to heal is so important before finding a spouse. One thing i learnt about being around/raised by narcissists is you either end up mirroring them, or you reduce yourself and serve them..and this only mirrors in future relationships if its not dealt with. On a journey to accepting myself, knowning my boundaries and sticking to my priciples. InshAllah.
An important question is how do they communicate and deal with conflicts, and not just conflicts, differences of opinions or if someone does something that doesn't sit right and match with them, does it turn in to a conflict? Does the other person have to give up and not repeat that thing again? Or are they willing to compromise and be fair that if the thing isn't something bad as in morally or sinful then the other person is entitled to not give that up, how would they even approach the conversation, would they think before they approached it or just go right in, this is all really crucial in my opinion because a couple in love could be completely incompatible and unable to stay around each other from a difference in resolution and communication strategies
In regards to conflict, it's best to see rather than be told because actions speak louder than words. Going through a point of conflict with a potential spouse is an essential milestone, in my opinion.
This is great. Sometimes though, when I think of this , I think “how would someone know if they been in a Relationship before? Or haven’t been in these types of situations before? Someone who is sheltered? Or dont have experience in certain areas? Etc. ? How can they answer these questions. Or maybe they think they know, but once married it’s all out the window and the marriage is up in flames? I don’t know. Marriage is beautiful but it’s also a risk. Alhamdulillah for everything though. Every experience. You don’t know someone fully u too you live then them. As long as you do your beat before the marriage I guess.
I completely agree that this will show over time and more so once you live together but I would still ask the question for a few reasons, they will have had disagreements or difference of opinion with other people like family, friends, coworkers to know how they handle situations and I would personally expect everyone who decides they're ready for marriage to have prepared for marriage by knowing themselves and their character/behaviour traits to a certain level and worked on them, if they couldn't tell you things about how they are it wouldn't necessarily be a red flag but I'd question if they were ready and had done any inner work, and equally if they do answer and say how they handle things, you can observe that over time, things like if you encounter a rude person in public or a complaint about something in a shop or something you ordered, how did they approach that and if their answer was they're really calm and communicate well and in fact you see their action not matching their answering then that's something good to know, they're not fully laying their cards on the table in their answers
@@LaYinkaSanni Totally agree. I was just about to say something like this. That men can lie. They can very easily just tell you what they think you wana hear. Its best to not ask but rather test them by disagreeing with them and see if they will turn it into a conflict of not.
I've always maintained that marriage is or rather should be based on respect ,appreciation and acceptance,remember always gives you according to your expectations,May Allah grant us deeny,pious and loving spouses,ameen!
"Sahaba rushed to marry divorcees" You cant pick and choose the aspects of Islam that appeal to your desires and ignore the rest. The sahaba, almost all of them, practiced polygammy as well. The sahaba disliked living with the disbelievers too. So on and so forth. So all these major aspects of Islam have to be implemented in our lives completely.
Marriage is a contract and what I want for my daughter is to approach nikah with a process of thorough discussion on the religious obligation-needs-wants in the relationship/contract.
This is very helpful, people can make you feel your feelings are invalid, that you're being picky, that you can't find a 10/10, well, no one is expecting to live in a rose tinted world but I know what I want and I want a balance of all the attributes that are important to me.. I've been feeing unsure but listening to this video made me feel reassured. Jazakum Allah al-Khair
Questions on my list: - What do you think my greatest challenge would be in being married to you? Personality traits/habits that could pose as problems in marriage. - Do you tend to adapt to those around you or do you stay the same? - How do you and your family spend the weekends? -If you had 10 hours free today what would you do? -Do you think the world is a bad place? -How do you deal with conflict? Are you a confronter or avoider? Problem solving first or understanding first? ****IMPORTANT**** Please don't think you need to ask any of these questions in a row... Take time! You must take time to know each other. Don't judge on answers rather on patterns. Patterns of language and behaviour. Remember that communication is not only limited to words. Tip: A person once sent me his own answers to the questions he asked me. It was weird at first but it was so helpful to catch patterns of thoughts by reading all that. We're always looking at a gazillion things when communicating. I'm just urging you to be aware of that.
May I know what each possible answer would tell about the person? For example, let's take the question 'Do you tend to adapt to those around you or do you stay the same?' Possible answers are 1) adapts or 2) stays the same What does it tell about the person if he adapts? What does it tell about the person if he stays the same? I understand that it would be a burden to type the answers and what they mean for each question but I would love it if you told me the things you know.
Makes perfect sense being yourself and if u have a package then it has to be accepted, the culture of the home if the outsider is willing to take on the role of potentially being a step dad. Whether the kids can also accept another man top
I Donated using PayPal hey friends please donate and support what a wonderful asset for the Muslim community! You all are phenomenal watching from MN, USA shout out to my Somali sister!
The Only thing that i can say after listening to you guys for the first time... Is you people have given voice to atleast my major thoughts... Thank you guys for being the real.
Assalaamu Alaykum, another insightful and much-needed episode during these times especially! Barak Allahu feek for providing this as part of another exciting season, may Allah continue to put barakah in these episodes and that people act upon the guidance from the Quran and Sunnah whilst having the correct understanding of the Companions, Ameen. Having said that, I would like to suggest the next possible topic to cover in the upcoming episodes, that is either the topic of how the wedding night should be and how it can be practiced according to the sunnah as unfortunately many etiquettes have sadly been forgotten around this area, or secondly, the topic of how to balance love and worship in terms of not being obsessed with your spouse which can lead to shirk! I think these could be very practical and beneficial to those looking to get married and to those who are currently married. Keep up the great work!
Hello ladies! Another amazing talk as always! I think one question which is absolutely paramount to ask is what their relationship is like with their parents/ siblings. That will give you a clue as to what kind of person they’ll be in your family unit. If they hold resentment for their family and haven’t evolved out of their childhood wounds with maturity and awareness they’re not going to be the best husband, father, son in law or brother in law for you and your family.
Hello, I'm absolutely delighted that you all are back. I've missed you all so much. You bring amazing inspiration 🙌 to subjects for Christian and Muslim females alike. You influence us all. Please please continue my friends and I look forward the episodes. Thanks again.
The part about the dealbreakers is so true though - in the long run - it’s not just that they build up. It’s also when the infatuation or the excitement during the initial period wears off it’s the little things that flare up/surface/take precedence and become a real issue that can have a huge impact on the relationship.
I want to thank you women for being so completely honest and help us women realize our potential that "women can actually see and we are not be treated are second class citizens''. Very well said. May the Allah bless you all with the best. Aameen.
a good trick is , if he has a unmarried sisters , tell one of them i wish you find a husband with the same morals , decency and kindness of your brother and see if she's gonna say Aaamiine or stay silent
Love this series! You ladies are so articulate with your thoughts and cover important topics often brushed upon or not considered that serious within our community. Keep up the great work and may Allah bless you for your efforts!
here we are dear sisters... we have the same thoughts, feelings and issue as you have... Believe it or not ^^ May Allah guide us to find the right spouse... amin
If you love a person, you forgive them their flaws. Like my husband eats/chews loudly, sneezes like a Jet engine, and yet I got used to it. Those are very minor flaws in the overall picture. I know he will still eat and sneeze loudly even when he grows very old, but I will be happy to grow old beside him, because he's my man. :) I'm not flawless either, I snore when I sleep :D
Masha Allah, those girls have the values of women. "No one can complete someone" just work on yourself and good match will come. Don't even think you require a partner and put your focus on various tasks, projects and career prospects.
lol. good matches don't come to you especially as you get older. career prospects won't solve the issue either and everyone needs/wants a partner, no matter how many projects they think they can do to cope with that
@@cooljool1 understand and value your opinion however, l prefer to not rush things. Obviously, l am aware of aging process and the worthy of finding her but not too fretted about it.
A successful marriage requires a deep understanding of change management. When two different people decide to marry it takes time to align your divergent approach to life. It will be rocky, there will be hesitation to change past behavior (especially by the one who's less on the Deen) but once the alignment happens it's pure bliss. It can take up to 5 years to get there.
Alhamdulilah, this is my first time watching this and I was literally glued. Am so soooo going to watch all other videos and will certainly share all I have learnt here. You said it all really, "Know thyself, seek to find someone who complements you and be certain you are willing to do same for him".
