Hey, nice video! I'm an INFP and my boyfriend is an INTJ. We've been together for 5 years and I can't imagine myself living without his wit and intelligence. He helps me a lot with the practical part of life and I help him with the social part and self love, always remembering him to be kind with himself. I think INTJs have really high standards for themselves, and can benefit on having someone by their side who can show a light and creative way to see life and its challenges. In my perception, I think the relationship works very well if both types are mature enough to communicate their needs, and have the same values. Some patience will be needed, especially in the beginning, to understand eachothers way of thinking, but it's totally worth it 💓. (Sorry if this has too much gramatic errors, I'm currently typing from Brazil and using MBTI as a form to study english 🤗)
I’m INTJ and not shy or a recluse. If it’s a passion or I’m wronged- well, you will hear from me. I talk out big deals and wife is INFP - 31 years Respect for alone time makes the difference.
I think they could be good together. Three of my lifelong friends are INFP. One of the INFP is way more social than me. She’s always having company or going to visit friends. She outdoes me oft times. INFP do get things done and can be good planners. P doesn’t mean a person can’t plan or be constructive. I’m a P and love to organize. I just don’t like to be smothered or ruled over by another persons ideas of who I should be. I want to be me. I had to edit my answer because the INTJ I mentioned might watch your channel. 🤷🏽♀️
55-year old INTJ here. We’re not THAT clueless with regard to feelings. We better not be by this age I hope! I’ve been working on my social/feeling skills for decades and am pretty good now if I do say so myself. 😊 INTJs have no excuse for not putting in some effort to working on this skill. Especially you guys who aren’t getting it pushed on you from society as we females are. You’re going to have to take the initiative to learn. I was married to an INFP for 8 years, with another after for 10 years and my best friend of 40 years is an INFP. The double introversion has never been an issue in any of these relationships. Then again, as a female INTJ (lesbian) I naturally try to do what is needed to root out problems in the relationship so unless the INFP has decided to clam up, it’s going to get discussed. However it does take a little extra effort when it comes to the INTJ knowing what the INFP is feeling so the INFP has to be mature enough to let them know when asked. I’ve had success with this in 2 or my 3 INFP relationships. The 3rd was like pulling teeth to get her to open up. Stubborn as hell. 😂 Recent research on marriages shows actually that introverts do better with other introverts and extroverts do better with other extroverts. Sorry, I don’t remember the source. When you understand the cognitive functions, you’ll realize that with regard to socializing, the INTJ can easily handle the extroverted thinking conversations while the INFP can handle the feeling conversations. So you don’t need an extrovert for that.
15:20 “It’s not me, I’m not brilliant, the idea is.” That sums up a lot conversations I've had over the years. In every one of your videos, you seem to come up with something that perfectly relates to and describes many events and conversations that I've directly experienced. It's actually kind of frightening how accurate you are sometimes.
Thank you for the interesting video. I like your analysis. I've seen one INTJ talk about being married to an INFP (he was quite content with the relationship) and he said the biggest annoyance/frustration for him is when his Te clashes with her Fi. Some days she just doesn't make sense and she won't budge to logic.
Yea the problem is that both of them are too comfortable in their ways. But when considering all the problems relationships have, this is pretty manageable.
6:35 make conserted effort (talk to each other) 7:30 women want guy to read mind and 9:20 Infp and intj both internalize and things build up without talking 9:24 make conscious effort to talk 19:54.
Love the video but the comments are alarming. I am INFP and most negative experiences I read seem to be with extremely unhealthy INFPs. I myself chose to not interact with other INFPs who show unhealthy traits. Negative Victim mentality Depressed Emotionally unstable All these are real, but they do not define the type. A healthy balanced INFP has zero interest in drama, they are the chillest most open minded and tolerant you will meet. We might not be easy to find but we are out there, happy and positive. When it comes to INTJ, I absolutely adore the dynamic between those two types. Both grow as a result in a very beautiful way 🥰🙌
" comments are alarming" Thats true for a lot of online interactions these days. About 30% of the comments on my videos in general are negative or unproductive. But it is am incite in to the person who wrote it, there a lot of blind spots and insecurities I see out there. But yea generally there is a large variation within each type with maturity.
Lol yeah I don't like regularly talking to fellow infps who show those signs either, even tho they act like the most humble/appreciative person when they're in better mood.
Personality can have healthy and unhealthy cognitive functions....I myself feel like I have unhealthy cognitive functions because of the kind of childhood I had ..It was traumatic.. Abusive people can destroy one's personality I realize. That's why I have to work on the aspect of my personality in which I can exhibit the healthy INFP.
I (an INTJ) wish I had learned about the MBTI and your channel sooner. I’m almost sure my last partner was an INFP and we would’ve benefited a lot from weekly checkups and better communication overall. Plus having a better understanding of their thought process and that there is some more emotional depth to someone who on the surface level, seems more similar to me, would’ve been great at the time. Thanks for this video.
One comment: with an INTJ it is not ALL about Thinking. They have a very strong Intuition, too- and with intuition they can very well perceive how others are. As a matter of fact, Intuition is the dominant function with INTJ! thinking function comes the second.
Exactly! And I have actually felt that although it takes time to tick in, INTJ will be the best to properly understand the feelings of others (also INFPs with their Fi) rather than the constantly stereotyped INFJs or other Fe users. Fe users tend to be consoling because they are uncomfortable in being around what they sense/intuit as unpleasant emotion. Not because they really "empathize". Empathy comes only with Fi, and INTJ has it in tertiary position (ego) where it might not be apparent to others or for INTJ himself, but INTJ will feel deeply in the end. I am an INTJ, and I do agree that sudden hit of emotional situations put me into "Oh, I see" mode and make me quiet, where I just stop and analyze the person as a sentient being, try to understand all the things going on, and finally empathize. It takes time to hit me, but once it hits me, I have been that best person who has actually given the proper emotional support because I really feel the thing though arriving in my own way, after I imagine a situation which I have simulated based on my intuitive understanding of the person's scenario, and being the person (with his own sets of thoughts and ideas, perceiving how I might feel) to live it through. Once that simulation is done, I am completely ready to do everything in my part to help the person - from an emotional support using words (as long as I see it is fruitful and essential for the person), trying to discuss about the situation and making the person walk through it again but with my support on seeing behind things and to rise up from the current misery. The only thing is, I choose to take this effort only when I care about the person. And it is interesting that many people, esp. INFPs, ISFPs, INTPs and even ISFJs, ENTJs, ENFPs, even my ENFJ cousin first come to me whenever something goes bad in their life and they can't discuss it with others. And I would stress on INFPs because INTJs are probably the only people who can see through the sad world INFPs get trapped in, and also vice-versa. Many of the generalizations you made about NF types are actually most good for INFJs,. For example, while INFJs and INFPs are both idealistic, INFP kind of idealism has the background of tangible facts and evidences the person has been through, and is more in tune with the word "ideal", that INTJs don't really object to that (as these ideals somehow contain high moral value and open mindedness, which INTJs secretly value and respect though might not copy other Fi perspectives to their own lives). However INFJ kind of idealism strikes with a Ti function - which is completely disconnected from the world and even moral sense of justice which INFJs never realize or admit. INTJs secretly hate that idealism which denies justice and goes against realism. Similarly, I have seen INFPs to be very accommodating and also let me duly know when I am being offensive, and also never mind when I give them practical suggestions instead of blank Fe cues (which I can't fake). Makes things easy for me and I never repeat that mistake, and the best thing about INFPs are that they understand fairness and justice, they ultimately do realize "good" and "bad", and tend to be forgiving. As for INFJs, they never expect any practically useful statement to come from you when they are in emotional distress (if ever they have chosen to open it up to you). For them, the world is just a dichotomy of what is pleasant and unpleasant. If something makes people pleasant ultimately, it is harmless - else it is harmful. This is the thought process they have, which they also tend to apply to themselves. They usually are the ones to judge you for being "preachy" when you share "your genuinely path-breaking research information" about a subject you both are passionate about, without realizing that it makes the aux Fe and tertiary Ti of INFJs judge you and try to dismiss you for being "overly preachy", trying to push your ideas too much so that you make them feel they are in a pressure to accept it. INFPs never do this.
@kironkrishnan, that is a really really interesting analysis, thank you! seems apt as far as the infp in me goes. I have a strong T vibe in me, so I always appreciate solutions, knowledge, and insight when I’m distressed. and I never noticed this difference in the style of idealism (my best friend is an infj). could you give more concrete examples of the differences between the infp and infj styles of idealism? I find this fascinating. just like a brilliant intj mind to parse this. I have been thinking a lot about this concept of “idealism” lately, and how it is rooted in the word “idea”, and the relationship between ideas and reality. I do often feel like my feet are stretched between two canyons-one feels deeply how each person deserves to be treated, deserves dreams, honor, respect, and joy, and the other sees the reality down to the slightest interaction between strangers of how much harm there is and how far we are from this. honestly this is why the real world often doesn’t provide us enough consistent models for how to be, and we turn to fictional movies and characters, like sometimes I tap into the energies of Aragorn from LOTR to figure out how to behave 😬, or Neo in the Matrix. Anyway, I would love to hear more.
A word of advice from this 55-year old, female, lesbian, INTJ for all you male INTJs out there…get in touch with your OWN FEELINGS! THAT’S how you’re going to tackle this issue. I promise you, as soon as you start making space for and acknowledging and allowing your own feelings, you’ll naturally become a LOT better at picking up on the feelings of others. You just gotta do it. However, it’s so true that it’s going to hurt us if you’re critical. We’re super sensitive. Our feelings are raw as hell when you yell or snap at us. I know, it’s ironic and not fair since we inadvertently hurt others with our lack of emotion. But this is a huge one for us. INTJs will usually leave relationships that don’t respect their sensitive feelings. It’s simply too painful to stay.
As an INTJ who had a relationship with an INFP... Pros: - Endless ideias and projects - Endless conversations, curiosity - They help you act easier on yourself and yes, they are even more "F the world" than we are, believe me! - Sincerity - They know what they want (at the moment being, at least 🙄) - Very empathetic (to selective people/groups) Cons: - Sometimes they just seem to not think at all (heart over head) - They can be very egoistical - Closed minded when it comes to their (very strong) values - never mind trying to show them a new, different view, they've already decided their window is closed to the outer world - Very closed in their own little worlds (we are, as well - just in a different way) - Lack of loyalty (they can even MEAN what they say, but it's just in that CERTAIN moment - again, heart over head: they don't think it's a problem to be passionate and show it, even if it doesn't endures in time) - Can't take constructive criticism - Lack of ambition
I’m an INFJ married to an INFP & I can say many of thee things are true. Even when we’re healthy we all have weaknesses that display from time to time. I think my INFP man is pretty healthy but when he’s not in a good state he definitely displays some of the cons you mention- especially as you put it- the lack of loyalty- I think he would be super offended by the phrasing of that because they see themselves as the most genuine people on the planet, & in the end they technically are- BUT in moments of weakness/anger/sadness, they DO express verbally things in such a way that sounds like they are totally done with you forever - it really sounds like he means it - but then some time will go by & he’ll act like nothing happened & be back to his loving caring self & I’m left wondering- “what about what you said? How you’re not even sure you love me anymore? Or the ultimatum you gave me?” I don’t know if he meant that or not because I don’t ever say things unless I truly actually mean them so for me I perceive anything he says as truth- but as you so well put - that is only his truth in that MOMENT - at another moment that’s no longer his truth. & he’s super open in general except like you said when he has a strong world view on something then he is totally closed off. Thanks for sharing!
Great video. I’m an INFP and my person is an INTJ and I love getting encouragement and tips on how this can be a good relationship. That example about your emotional age was super helpful and clarified some things for me… you seem like a great INTJ who’s really evolved, the work has paid off! kudos! Thanks for the great video!❤
Hi I really enjoyed your movies and appreciate your braveness in sharing your intj guts with the public. You've inspired me to share my insides as well, so gooey but more intuitively. I have only met one intj but, yes, I am smitten. Paper Swords My intj has been away to where he did not say He only left this paper sword made from news of tattle tale sort. I long to see his sweet face and hold his hand (but I really want to feel his weight!) I've tried to reach out to him to say such lovely things that linger on my mind at the end of the day. They turn into creatures when the sunlight fades and snuggle close to me as I lay. Together we travel under the moon's secret gaze they take me world's lifetimes away Where no words spoken only thoughts conveyed and emotions exist as intelligent mist in colors so bright you cannot miss (here try the yellow, it is bliss). Last night you were there but we had not yet met for the timeline had not aligned. Love, Me infp
It seems to me that Feeling types dont like to hear unpleasant things. and logical analysis is sometimes "unpleasant" - might require thinking or adequate action or a realisation that not everything is just "hunky-dory" as it seems! And when "P" comes to it - then everything is "open" and nothing gets done. This is frustrating for an INTJ. Frank, thanks for this new great video!
Hello! Thanks for the insight and clarification on INTJs and how their thought process works. As an INFP who’s sometimes a bit too sensitive and very idealistic, I tend to struggle a bit with INTJ‘s bluntness. It’s not the criticism itself that bothers me (in fact, I appreciate constructive critisism becuse I always want to improve myself)- it’s the tactless delivery that hurts me a bit. However, I have become more resistent over the years and can take cold remarks with a pinch of salt. Everything you said made a lot of sense and it’s fascinating for me to learn more about INTJs. I am very attracted to them and currently seeing a male INTJ who is a lot like you. He’s also attracted to me and we share a lot of deep conversations. He’s the first one who understands my need for alone time as he’s a loner himself. We‘re both into science and environmental protection. What would be a perfect gift for an INTJ? I read a lot of scientific literature and thought about a book since you folks love intellectual stimulation so much.
Yea books are usually a safe bet, so long as he likes to read. Not everyone does these days. Non-fiction is best, or other books that help actual skills. The problem with INTJs and gifts is that we're not very sentimental so we tend to like our gifts to be practical. One of my INTJ friends gifted me some nice quality oven mits and tech savy icecube trays. Smart and efficient gifts. I heard of another person getting an INTJ a leather bound journal because they liked to write journals daily. Another great idea is consumable items such as alcohol and food stuffs, things we wouldn't normally get for ourselves because we time on such indulgences. Saving us time with things is a great idea as we're so efficiency minded. Good luck
@@theintjperspective2958 Thanks. A lot of your recommendations I already had in mind. And interesting that you emphasised non-fiction, since that’s what he reads preferably. He’s obsessed about improving his hobbies and skills.
Mind you, what many people would qualify as "feeling" - is very often a manipulative hysteria and seeking for a drama. INTJs are really not obliged to adapt to that.
XD I laughed at the same time at the beginning of the video, at 0:01 I am pretty sure you laught inside to your own kidding before to tell it. "I am just kidding" I tell it too in reality. It's interesting how INFJ INTJ, we always have doubts, that we don't really know ourselves, surely because of this Ni we are always skeptical, and the well balance with the 2 middle functions (left brain/right brain). For relationship I think it depend of what each person prefer or want. For my part I got relationship with an ESxx 2 years, and with ENTJ 9 years. I only "know" myself and MBTI since last year, since I am lonely. E have to accept we need time alone, even if we are open and appreciate new things. N, we have to adapt our language to S type, and focus on what it is, trying to not be too abstract/philosophical. We are all differents and we have all our preferences. Even if we are mysterious and private, we can surprise people by our way of thinking, good ideas, and surprising good communicators. Even if we don't talk often, when we talk is always good, true or usefull. It's all or nothing. I think INTJ INFJ, can go well together, understanding well each other, and help each other with the 2nd function and polar function. Better if one or both know cognitives functions.
Yea INTJs and INFJs are so rare they don't often meet each other. But they both the most misunderstood, and are some of the deepest. But yea I've dated a few xSxx types and I never want to again. Can't imagine dating an ENTJ, they can be very domineering. But the few INFJs I know we can share a real deep bond, its nice.
@@theintjperspective2958 Thank for the answer. Relationships are a little complicated for us. Happened weird things/behaviors between me and coworker INTJ, at my last temporary work, since October. Weird, complex and long story, I hope we will resolve it one day, I think it's a question of time. I still have feelings for him, I can't change that, and I know that he still too, the behaviors and phrases don't lie. I will be 33, and him 36 or 37. I am weird, I want to know more this other weird person, and find weird behavior cute. If he could just get out of his tunnel vision more often and accept/admit he had/has feelings. With ENTJ great conversations, but for we were the opposite for decisions : ENTJ act first and maybe think after. INxJ think first and maybe act after. ENTJ not patient. And doesn't understand, I needed calm and time alone on my own things/projets. A leader who want both lead and be leaded. Psychology has right : we likes people who are like us, who are similar to us.
@@Elodie_N_INTJ_Analyzes Makes sense, very insightful about the ENTJ. But yea love is never easy, especially with an INTJ. It takes a lot of maturity and INTJ emotions mature much slower than others.
I guarantee that your INFP partner was flirting with that other person to get a rise out of you to see if you cared about her since you didn’t show any emotion from the previous argument. 😂 🥰