Is being gay just a sexual temptation? 

I have been celibate nearly twenty years, and religious people still get offended.

You choose a religion, you do not choose your sexual orientation, gay or straight.

It is frustrating how Christians can't understand it like they do with their relationships.

This equating of gay orientation with "sex" or "lifestyle" has haunted me my whole life and i also find it deeply offensive. Yet it seems, it can't be gotten out of people's heads. I don't understand how people who themselves have an opposite-sexual orientation and relationship, seem to not be able to apply the very same concept to same-sex orientation.

When I was young 50 years ago! I couldn’t except myself as gay! Because of family, church and the social climate! So I married a woman stayed my for 20 years & have 2 grown sons! I gave up a friend who was becoming my lover-partner because we both had trouble excepting ourselves! He also ended up marrying a woman! I have long regretted this! After my divorce a few years later I met a wonderful man, we fell in love ❤but unfortunately he was hooked on pain medication from a car accident years before! We only had a year and a half together before he accidentally overdosed and died the day before Thanksgiving 2001. Later I tried to date off & on but never found true love ❤again! I am now 72 & no longer looking for a partner! The young gay people don’t know how good they have it! Let’s hope it’s not lost after the election in November!

I find the advice to gay men "why don't you just marry a woman" rather denigrating because it is not taking into account the woman's feelings and desires. It's going into marriage under false pretenses. To those offering such advice--would YOU be willing to marry someone under such circumstances? I'd say not. I don't want to marry someone so that I can "cure" their same-sex attraction. That's not what marriage is supposed to be about. One of the things that the debate over same-sex marriage has done is it has started a discussion on what marriage is and isn't. Today we stress the romantic, intimate, companionship, soul-mate aspect of marriage but historically that was not always the case. Many marriages were for economic reasons. Again, this was inadvertently brought up in the debate over same-sex marriages because over and over and over again we were told that marriage confers legal and financial benefits that simply living together does not and by excluding gay couples from marriage we were excluding them from these benefits. This is a very important argument. At the end of the day, despite all the noble talk about intimacy, companionship, etc., marriage is an unique legal contract, pure and simple. It differs from all other contracts in that those signing it do not get to read the contract ahead of time. You are tying yourself to another person not only emotionally, but financially as well in a way that is very different than becoming partners in a business enterprise. Not only that, but women in the past were legally "erased" once they married; their husband's identity became their identity. I was in high school when married women were first allowed to open bank accounts and credit cards in their own name. That was back in the 1970's. I owe the very fact that I am able to live independently as a never-married woman to the battles fought a half-century ago. So the talk about benefits really resonated with me, because as a single woman I cannot legally claim part of anyone else's income or benefits. But neither does anyone else have legal claim on mine! The debate over same-sex marriage really brought this to the forefront even though it wasn't intended to. Am I being discriminated against for not marrying? YES! There are so many legal advantages to being married, whether it is tax withholding/deductions, insurance and healthcare, income pooling, Social Security, inheritance, that yes, I can understand why many gay couples want to get married. So why don't you get married? someone might ask. Well, because marriage is a legal contract, it's not something to be jumped into lightly. It has consequences that aren't always apparent in the glow of romance. I want a partner I am attracted to and who is attracted to me who understands these things, who is equally committed to the marriage. I want a marriage where both of us are equals, where we can mutually build each other up and not tear each other down. I've seen an awfully lot of bad marriages--in fact, far more than good--and quite frankly what I've seen scares me. Furthermore, when you are a senior, marrying can affect your Social Security and not always to your benefit. So it's a pretty complicated issue. Just because you have the "right" to marry does not guarantee that you will marry or even marry well. All it says is that the state recognizes your union. Period. The legal battle has been won. The conversation we should be having now is what makes a good marriage partner and how to develop those traits.

Justin, your voice is so important. Thank you!

Yeah, I think some people *really* don't get this.

When I talk about sexuality, I always separate sexual attraction and romantic attraction. When I see some people so adamant in claiming that being gay is a "choice" or being gay is only about "sex." It has become so clear to me that they "might" be bisexual but they're unaware of themselves. They might feel sexual attraction to the same sex (but maybe lack the romantic attraction part, because some people are aromantic). It also explains why some married DL men are lurking on gay dating apps, yearning to act on those desires. Some bisexual people might be aware of their same-sex attraction (whether it's sexual or romantic or both) but they decide to repress it + they think it's what other people are doing as well, so they think it's ok and they're just like other straight people.

I've been celibate for 30+ years specifically for fear of hell. I now think it was a mistake. Long story short, I feel angry with God and abandoned by Him. Please pray for me.

So true. I met you in Australia. I was a Baptist Pastor and missionary and married to my accepting wife for 51 years. I cared for her with MS for 26 years before she passed in 2022. I am now free to fall in love with a man and be the gay man I always was. I am not sexually active with anyone. But I am 77. Too old now for a gay relationship and physically not able to satisfy him. But when I go to the beach and see a really hot guy in speedos, I can pray, sincerely, Lord when you created that guy you did an amazing job. :-) I really do enjoy being gay. But the Baptist Church told me I am not welcome to even attend church because I am gay. Then that Baptist Pastor who told me that put a sign up outside saying "Everyone welcome".

I’ve been in a committed same-sex relationship for 6 years. We own a house together, have a dog and two cats, he’s our church’s music minister and choir director in which I sing. All of that being said… We haven’t had sex for going on like 3 years? I love him with all my heart, and that doesnt have much to do with sexual desire most days. So it’s hilarious to me when being gay is equated with a sex. It’s about who you’re attracted to, sure, but who you romantically love, and romantic love is regularly devoid of sex. Ask any married couple of more than a decade.

I'm a now-affirming gay guy, and I just wanted to thank you so much for this charitable, detailed discussion. These are the emotional and intellectual issues people genuinely struggle with when grappling with the gay debate. We need your voice.

Great video, Justin! This seems to be one of the toughest things for non-affirming people to understand, but you're able to communicate it so clearly.

This was one of my biggest hangups when I was non-affirming. Even today, I didn't understand it at this depth until hearing you explain it so thoroughly.

I soooo.. love this! I'm a straight female and have understood the "Love is love" meme because I had a MAD crush on a boy when I was TWO years old. He was two, as well...I loved this boy unlike any other human on the planet. But there was no sexual attraction as my hormones hadn't kicked in yet. My attraction to him was pure. It was an attraction, and it was romantic. I saw him in his perfect light, in the same way couples see the best in each other. I've often thought of this when people say "Love is love." Yes it is. It is about the 95% of things that happen in relationships, outside of sex. And, I can love my female friends... support them and see their physical beauty. But, as much as I try, I cannot have a romantic interest in women. They are lovely and beautiful, but they are CHEMICALLY something that I will never have a romantic interest, in the same way queer folks will never have an interest in a straight relationship.

Happy Pride, Justin 🎆

I'm gay but not sexually attracted to men. I'm just asexual and gay so romantically attracted

Great video, Justin! I know Ian means well, but I always get frustrated by this question. I (a woman) love my girlfriend. Part of loving my girlfriend is discerning marriage and yearning to partake in the beauty of sex with her; but also wanting to go to church with her, pray with her, hold her hand in public and private, kiss her on a date, have a relationship with her family, make beautiful memories, be life partners in every spiritual and physical sense, and not need to hide it any more than a straight couple would hide their love. Yes, some gay people have sex without commitments--just as many straight people do. But that doesn't change the fact that they are inclined--for reasons only God knows--to LOVE people of the same gender, just as straight people are inclined to love people of the opposite gender. This isn't some fetish; this is our emotional life.

I am so greatful for the work you do as it has brought me so much peace. And yes this explains things so well and I resonate with it a lot and you’re such a breath of fresh air.

This is a goldmine! You were able to articulate my thoughts in a very eloquent way. As a gay man, it was intuitively understood wha5 and how I felt about being gay and how to express my inner thoughts and feelings. Thank you Justin.

I definitely enjoy and love your videos, and I'm listening to them I promise, but GOSH do I also always think about how cool that Portal bookstand is

Great break down! This should be taught in middle and high school! We also need more art in middle and high school. We need more art and more love and kindness today and always.

Is being straight just about sex? Is sex just about going to bed together?

What I said about sex and relationships is yes, sex is apart of it, that’s why people go into relationships with people they are sexually attracted to. It’s often an important part of a relationship but it’s not all or even most of the relationship. Most of what you do in a relationship isn’t have sex with each other. I’d say at least 95% of the time you’re just hanging out and talking about shit

I'm gay and I'm trying to understand certain things and that's this video was good and by the way and also I'm sorry to hear about your mom my condolences❤❤❤

This is the first time I've heard what I've been thinking about, how being gay is NOT actually about sex, primarily. It seems that most straight people have NO idea about what "attraction" actually means ... as you clearly pointed out! Thanks for your thoughts!!

Sexual temptation and romantic attraction occur within the context of one's sexual orientation. To ignore this context is to ignore reality. Plain and simple.

Thanks for this. I have been trying to make this point to conservative Christian friends for a long time, and they just don't get it. The whole renewed attack on gayness in general and gay marriage in particular is based on the confusions you point out here.

The "single buddy" thing also only works when you are college age. When you are over 25, Christian guys don't want to spend time with other guys like they do when they are single, and it's actually frowned upon if they do. What the "ex-gay" crowd tries to say is the solution for loneliness simply doesn't exist in the real world outside of a very limited phase of life.

Second, I even find in the gay community itself you get scolded for wanting companionship. I always hear the whole “You have to be happy being single…” bit but they can never elaborate on what that means.

As far as marriage is concerned, I feel that it is a matter of semantics. Religious people quibble about marriage being between only one man and one woman. So, gay people use the term life partnership. As long as the governments recognise such partnerships the same way they recognise heterosexual marriage there should be no problem. Such a partnership should be just as binding as a straight marriage. I am a gay man who chose to marry a woman. I wanted a family with children but, back then, gay marriage and adoption by gays was but a dream. The only way I could make my dream come true was to marry a woman. Fortunately for me and thanks to a family member, I got together with the woman who would become my wife. I told her of my gay history but she had no problem with it. She assured me that she was woman enough to bring me over from the 'dark side,' as we jokingly described my gayness. We married. Not a year later, we welcomed our first child. Yes, I managed to get my wife pregnant. It was not easy. The only way I could remain aroused long enough to complete the deed was to visualise in my mind that I was having sex with a hot young stud. I never told my wife because I did not want to hurt her. That was only way we could conceive our children. She got pregnant four times but only two children went to term. My wife and I are still together. Our sex life dwindled to nil because we found it too frustrating. We have no desire to split up now that we are in our 70s. Having said that, socio-religious convention has caused so much needless pain and suffering all because of blind tradition and ignorance.

Thank you Justin. Finally after 53 years, somebody finally gets it. The tears I shed were genuine because I no longer feel so alone.

You nail it every time, Justin! I love how you broke down the differences between friendship and romantic love/companionship. You destroyed a lot of non-affirming Christians' talking points. "Well, why don't you just have friends?" Because a relationship is a different level of commitment. Friends can't meet your every need like physical intimacy or an emotional connection. Friends have other priorities like their spouse and children.

I’ve always been frustrated by people thinking that being gay is about a sex act. It’s about feeling connected.

Excellent analysis, as always.

This is such a good video!! Thank you Justin. You articulate a lot of what I've been struggling with @ the issue. My sister was gay -- or rather I guess you'd say she was trans these days. She really was a male in a female body. It was super hard for her on a number of levels even though she was 'allowed' to be openly lesbian (her life span was 1958-2018 so not recent). She really wanted to be with a woman and most of her partners were as butch or more 'male' than herself. The women she was attracted to were very feminine and mostly all straight. There are so many layers to desire. But she didn't have any surgery because she said it never looks or feels authentic, as in, she would always look like a female-trying-to look male. As is clear here, she and I talked a lot about her struggles through the years and finally it never truly worked out even, as I said, she had several longish female relationships. What I loved about this video is it gets to the 'heart' of the issue -- that sexual/romantic love is really mysterious and a lot more than we in the church want it to be, to be honest. As you rightly point out, unless we understand the mystery, the depth, the something that is so hard to define, about erotic love we are insulting and dismissive of the pain/struggles of being afflicted (and I use that word b/c ultimately it was an affliction for my sister - she never got the marriage or family she yearned for even though she was not Christian and both were theoretically, permitted) with desires there is no easy social, biological or spiritual way to make easy. While she wasn't Christian, before her death she said she felt like she was getting closer to Christ who was also homeless and alone. I never tried to convert her even though I'm religious because I couldn't find a way to make my beliefs not sound harder than she could, and myself too in a way although I have never been ssa, handle. I could say so much more, but thank you for this video. Was spot on.. We, in the church, need to take these issues a lot more seriously and sensitively.

This right here blew my mind. Everyone needs to hear and understand this, regardless of sexual orientation or religion. Wow!

Hi Justin, this video popped up in my reccommended and I became so happy to see you again/hear you again. You and Brian (RIP) meant alot to me when I was 11-14 years old listening to the GCN podcast(before podcasts were popular lol). I’m now 27, no longer christian, but very comfortable in my orientation as a gay man. You, Brian and all the guests you had on really helped young gay christian me, and made it possible for me to come out at the age of 15. Thank you so much, and I hope you are well!

Romantic attraction... that's the piece I've been trying to grasp. Thank you, Justin, for your thorough explanation. It helps me understand better what I'm going through right now.

Maybe I misunderstood the major point of your video, and I think I may have, but to me, being gay and homosexual are synonymous and being homosexual simply means same-sex attracted. I am often frustrated when people think of "gay" and immediately think of a flamboyant gay male who is a perpetual theater kid. The only thing "gay" about them, to me, is the same-sex attraction they feel, and the rest of the assumptions made are ignorant at best, and hateful at worst. There is no right or wrong way to be gay, except for the small fact that they are only attracted to the same sex. I also acknowledge that many gay people may be only attracted to the same gender, regardless of sex, but that does not describe me. The biggest problem I have with most of the conversations regarding sexuality is the fact that people begin to assume irrelevant things about a person. Being gay doesn't mean anything, if it doesn't mean sexual attraction. Perhaps the words are changing and I should instead describe myself as homosexual rather than gay, but I have not caught wind of that yet.

This is such a thoughtful, intelligent contribution to this discussion. Thank you!

Huh, I’m a straight guy who had many gay friends. I always h the light it was just a sexual preference, and while I still think that is at the heart of the matter, your video has given me an insight into homosexuality that I did not have. I can appreciate now that being gay is just like being straight. It’s exactly the same besides the ultimate object of desire. Thank you for helping me understand.

Thanks for your voice in seeking Justice with love mercy and grace!!!❤❤❤❤

this is a good discussion, got me staring at the ceiling the whole time cause this made me think. still many more to learn. its not easy to find a discussion patiently tackling both sides and just understand the complexity of it all to begin with... fascinating

Well said, Justin. I must admit, I thought this issue with most Christians was already settled years ago, but I guess it creeps back during pride month.

Hi! I'm new to your channel and very recently realized I'm a lesbian. Very well articulated video! On a side note, maybe it's just because I'm 18 and still kind of an idealist but I think when you meet the right someone those butterflies never totally go away. They're not constantly there, I mean, when I first meet someone I'm attracted to, I have this daydreamy smile on my face and I forget to swallow my spit when I'm talking to her, but eventually that goes away, but the rush of butterflies and joyful "first in love" feeling I imagine never fully goes away. What do you think?

One wonderful aspect in a relationship that gives lots emotionally and beyond that is non-sexual physical contact while sleeping: hugs, caressing, holding the other one. I can't imagine doing that to the same degree with any close friend or relative. And I don't care who you want to do it with: if there's consent and you're both adults, it's right. And what you do before and after is your business.

People not realizing you can enjoy going to the beach without having to get in the water. ⛱️🌊

It’s good to see you on RU-vid Justin. Your channel came across my feed. I didn’t know you were here. Love, and greatly appreciate your insight on life.

I’m a straight white Christian, what it seems many love to hate, but I’m still perplexed by this issue. In secular terms, I agree whole heartedly. Adults seeking happiness among others adults, consenting and all the rest. But how do you get around morality as God defined? If the Bible affirms, then it’s moral, but if the Bible condemns, then isn’t it immoral no matter how much empathy we collectively have? Said another way, and by way of example, ‘IF’ the Bible said (pick your version of a good thing) is immoral, can we still do it and claim we follow Christ? And vice versa, pick your version of something bad, ‘IF’ the bible affirms it, can we condemn that and still claim to follow Christ? And ‘IF’ what’s most important is to follow Christ teaching, then does any point made here even matter? Or should we just focus on discerning what the Bible affirms? Please, no haters, genuinely trying to figure out how to square my emotions and empathy with these points with scripture.

This is just so good. Thank you for creating this video essay so carefully! The illustrations are excellent

I'm intrigued by your deep analysis and view.

I love how you break down everything in simplicity step by step. Your video is now going to be my reference to challenge homophobia❤😊

You better teach Justin…. Amen 🙏

reminder to self to come back to 5:05 and transcribe it for myself. That really puts into words what I've been trying to articulate for 20 years

Thank you so much for the insight!!! I learn a lot from this sharing! Thank you so much Justin, :)

Well done. These are constantly overlooked phenomenon. You explain clearly and use perfect examples - Thanks!

Wow, Justin. Such a fantastic video. You really lay it out plainly, in a way that totally explains it so well! Thank you!

I'm gay and close to being asexual. lol. I don't really care for sex with other people, but I'll do it.

Good job Justin thanks. 🙏🏳️‍🌈❤️😇

I knew a straight guy lost his wife after 50 years missed washing and drying the dishes

It comes down to not choosing being gay. You just are.

I never understood the argument people make: “I don’t want to show my kids any kind of sexuality, so obviously that includes exposing them to homosexuality.” It is such a common argument and hearing it so often just confuses me. I’ve always thought about things the way you do in this video so I can’t even empathize.

Ok so i hear what you're saying and i agree 99%, but i think it would go a long way if the queer community would self police and exercise just a little bit of modesty

I am a 37 y.o. virgin and still ppl hate me!

I grew up in a rather libertarian but at the same time socially conservative environment, where (after coming out to my parents, at a rather embarrassingly old age by today's standards, although of course they already knew) we somehow tacitly agreed to not discuss about it. I was never bothered about my personal life, as long as it did not affect the rest of the family (with which, mind you, I enjoyed an excellent relationship). Many many years after I moved out, had my own job, a rather successful career and a bf I lived with, I was discussing with my mom whether I should bring him home for the holidays. She genuinely looked at me perplexed and said, "well, I guess you could, but what am I then supposed to tell my friends?". It was not an accusation neither did this have any reprimanding undertone, it was a real concern of hers. I decided against bringing him so she actually never met him although I lived with the guy for a few years..... Whenever some of her friends made any unpleasant remark, she would always stand up for me, but still would feel uncomfortable about the situation, so I simply never put her through such a dilemma because she had been a really good mother in every other respect. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even the ones who try to understand gay people (especially the older generations) themselves dread social pressure, which makes their position not easy either. If a devout christian is embarrassed about his/her son being gay because it is mentioned as being a sin in the church on a weekly basis, it will probably be a larger step ahead to accept it.

Oh also congratulations I'm glad you found love.

wonderful video. absolutely loved it.

You explained and presented everything so well. Nothing new to me, but very nicely organized explanations. Yeah, maybe we should start calling it a "romantic orientation", rather than a sexual orientation. Or a romantic-erotic orientation.

Oh, GCN Justin! Those online forums did help me a lot back then (until they were hijacked)

That intro sounded like a reference to the pop song 😅 Glad you posted this Justin now. The words are problematic... heterosexual, homosexual, etc. The words are helpful but sound clinical. They're psychological terms if I remember the etymology right. Back 1,000s of years ago when verses in the Bible were written, those people did not use a word like "homosexual". These words are modern. We can stop using these words. Love is a historic word, a transcendental idea, feeling, and being and multiple meanings between people. What kind of love was Jesus talking about when he said that word? 🤔❤😊

Beautifully expressed! Thank you.

Right on! I totally get you, as someone who has an emotional attachment style.

I think most passages in the Bible dealing with this issue are actually better viewed in a bisexual context. Genesis 19 is better understood when compared to Judges 19. On a side note, watch Red, White & Royal Blue and review it and tell us what you think about it.

This was the most useful vid I’ve ever seen. Ty!

This is so insightful. Thank you so much for this

❤❤ honesty in this. Being gay isn't about sex.

So in other words these People that are asking about gay only being about sex so would that mean their lives being straight is only about sex?

Great video - very thoughtful. Subscribed.

Justin, this is excellent. Thank you so much.

Yes, yes, and yes.

Wow. What an insight. Subscribing to this channel ASAP!

Brilliant lecture! Many thanks for that!

This was beautifully explained thank you

Really good explanation ❤️ It is a similar issue, trying to explain why as an autistic person, i'm not just not trying to be better social, to most people.. or why it is offensive to most autistic people, that allistic people dont think they need to do any work to make a connection with an autistic person, but states that they support people with autism. 😒 Or trying to explain as a transgender person, why i choose to transition. That it has nothing, to do with how people see me, but how i see me. Why i then wants othrrs to use certain pronounces? Why it isn't about sex or many other things.. I am both of the above and i got ADHD too 😒 i have literally lived like a gay person in the 50-60th, trying to conform in more than one way.. it simple does not work.. i'm still autistic, i still got ADHD and i'm most certainly still very much a transwoman, even though i for decades tried not to act on it.. The problem arises, when hetero normative thinking, try to understand things that are not hetero normative, under the hetero normative paradigme..

PERFECT! Thank you!

This was very good Justin.

Excellent as always as always.

You restarted to make vids? Good

Beautifully said. Thank you.

Hi Justin. I watched this video twice. Glad to hear you say what you do. I am a gay Catholic, but am asexual. Trying to find another person like that is difficult. There are times when I ask myself if I did find someone that I truly loved and wanted to be with for the rest of my life would I want to have sex with him? It is a temptation for me to t if I had to chance to do it would I really do it? The other point I want to make is "gay" is only one of many titles we have i in this world. We are called by so many different titles. But the only real title or name that we have is "I am a child of God". I joined a Catholic men's group about twenty-two years ago and the first thing they asked in orientation was "Who are You?" I am not denying my being gay, but it is only a part of me. When we say I am gay to people most of the time they will think it is all about sex. That that's all it is about. I agree, a lot of gay people want it that way. Most gay guys want sex. A relationship? Maybe, but lets have sex first.

U had me subbing to u❤keep up the good work mate

When l became a Christian in 1982, God healed me of schizophrenia, but He didn't heal my being gay. It took 10 years to realize that I wasn't broken, the church is. 1946themovie proves the Bible is not anti-gay. God doesn't heal gay people of being gay because you can't fix what's not broken. Jesus came to give a new covenant. It's faith & Love. 1John3:23 ❤

I’ve come to accept that I’ll never have the connection, fulfillment, and love that I so long for in this life. I hope Heaven is real!

Wow....Best video explaining homosexuality! Thanks for this!

A very valuable video. Thank you.

Thank you for this video.

THIS VIDEO IS DYNAMITE JUSTIN!!! 💥💥💥💥💥

This was very insightful.