How to Make Them CHASE YOU Without “Playing It Cool” 

Nobody’s fault if it doesn’t work out, we just move on.

Great message for both genders! Not to speak for all men, but it's a huge turn off when women do not show interest. I had to let this girl go not long after I asked her out because she wasn't showing enough interest. The energy and effort was one sided. This "power" ideology is such bs in my opinion. Or "playing it cool" for guys is stupid too. You know what's attractive and cool? Being a genuine, down to earth person that's not afraid to show your true self to anyone.

This is a refreshing video. So much dating advice is based on hiding your feelings to keep your power. The paradox is that dating advice aimed at men advises them exactly the same - "let the woman do the 90% of the pursuing, if they don't it means they never cared anyway, so move on to someone else. " When both genders are hearing this we end up with a convoluted game of courtship where everyone loses. No point keeping all the power if it means living with cats till you die.

the problem with "playing it cool" is also that if you happen to date someone with an avoidand attachment style you're playing right into their cards. They think you don't want/need that much closeness either and you don't care if they disappear for days in a row while you're quietly suffering, not saying anything because you try to play it cool. I had to learn this the hard way and after this experience, the popular book "attached" goes deeper into this topic and it was such an eye opener for me. I learned that it's perfectly normal to wish for closeness/ a relationship and it doesn't make you needy. So from now on I will go on dates with the same approach as you recommend in this video. Not playing games, showing in baby steps if I'm interested and if they don't reciprocate, move on.

Being authentic - showing ourselves as we are, that really gets us close to those that are a true match!

This was so timely for me. Point 4. “Be afraid of keeping someone who isn’t a match for us around”(9:40) and being grounded knowing you are enough and everything in your life will be ok in the end whether this person is in or out of you life are foundational to quality of life.

I spilled my guts to my ex but was rejected. I was just happy to be authentic and now I can let him go. Never felt more myself.

Nowadays people are just weird and I think alot of ppl are afraid of getting hurt, due to past experiences. But it’s a lot of narcissists out here and it’s scary. I don’t think anyone should have to chase. The feelings should be mutual if it’s meant to be. I think sometimes ppl show interest for the moment and then pulls away for various of reasons. When someone pulls away from me, I usually let them go..It could be Gods protection, so I don’t chase someone that’s not meant for me.

Matthew, I hope you realize how many guys are sharing these videos with each other. Everything in your videos resonates with us, too. Been sharing these with friends for weeks now. This is the type of dating advice and influence guys need: advice that helps you develop self-respect while maintaining respect for others

If you’re with someone and you have so much to worry about with them, they are the wrong one.

Thank you, Matthew! I gave a guy I have been crushing on for months a big ol’ green light and it’s moving forward. The level of anxiety I was feeling prior to telling him I was open to seeing him outside of the environment we met, has dropped and I feel completely at peace. ❤ Ladies, say what you need to say and be bold. Rejection is part of the process and makes way for the one that is right for you. Update: it’s a week later and I saw him again but it was terrible timing. We said hello, exchanged smiles and small talk but there was no opportunity for more. This is the slowest “romance” I’ve ever had 😂

Someone came into my life who was not a match for me at all, and triggered all of these trauma responses. I made a fool of myself but I managed to cut it off before it killed me. It is absolutely true that attraction one day is not attraction on another, and if they are hesitant to commit then that is the sign to reinforce your standards and accept that they're not right for you. I wish I had done mine sooner.

that's exactly how I do it. Full confidence vibe, no game, direct but calm. A calmy charming pure caribbean vibe.

if a women doesn't express attraction to me, I'm not attracted to her. Playing hard to want is the biggest red flag there is. If I'm not option one, I'm not an option.

I think it's a great thing to meditate before going on dates you get out of your head and into your heart it also allows you to be in the moment of what you are doing and just have fun 🥰

What a timing! This morning I decided to screw my anxiety of getting hurt, because that is the exact reason I chase men away...every Person is different and deserves a fresh start, a chance without being mistrusted because of previous bad experiences. We need to start being vulnerable again, without that we're only left with fake relationships wih two pretenders...😢

A few weeks ago when I was feeling very anxious about a relationship, I looked up videos about "having more faith in God". I got the best advice ever! All you can do is show them interest, love, and kindness without expectations. If they're not reciprocating then you move on. The key is do it without expectations. If they do come back, well it's really in your court now if you're still interested. I like Matthew's advice, "I moved on because I didn't think you were interested."

I had a friend at work say "It isn't a question of do they like me, it's do I like them"? That really changed my perspective.

"I've scared away someone who isn't compatible with me" i love this ❤ !!!!

I detest going to a party with someone who talks to everyone in the room and acts like I am not even there. You then tell them this and they accuse you of being needy.

I used to be fine on my own. I met someone I was ultimately going to marry, and I became anxious. I knew my life would be so much grayer if he wasn't in it. It created a feeling of neediness inside me if things weren't going as well as they should or how I can make my relationship even better. Some of us are great by ourselves and then we meet someone who we spend years with and suddenly realize if we lost them, we would lose this companionship that lights up our life. Our comfort after a rough day. Being alone for years is okay, but we're designed to partner, mostly. When he left my life it really did break pieces of my soul. I was afraid of that. I am not sure that it can realistically just be a "im secure whether or not you are in my life, if you leave then cool, I'm fine.' You create your life with another person. You share a home, a bed, friends, family, your deepest feelings and build dreams with someone else. Yes, you should have your own friends and your own hobbies etc. That's surface level of living. How can you really give your heart to someone else and then ultimately be okay when they walk away? Too simplistic for someone who feels deeply.

I'm a hopeless romantic Still at 33 with 6 degrees, 4 books, a home, career, and I'm very compassionate and sincere with people I like. Most guys I meet tend to just confuse physical affection with emotional intimacy

Timely video. I ended a relationship a couple of days ago for a lot of reasons, but one of them was that we were incompatible as far as affection. I'm affectionate; he's not. The imbalance would be easy to misinterpret as rejection when it was just incompatibility. Unfortunately, I stuck it out too long, and now that it's over, I am grieving much more than I would have if I had ended it in the beginning!

"Dont feel bad for anyone" is such a backwards concept for me but is so liberating when it clicks.

Me taking notes because I’m dating my husband again, lol. ✨🤍✨

At this point - I've watched so many of Matts videos for years now, that I have a little Matt voice in my head. There's like a little control center in my brain, like a space station, filled with tons of tiny Matts, watching my life on a giant screen, giving me cataloged advice and yelling code red or abort mission when needed. Thanks tiny Matts for keeping me in line

I started listening to Matthew Hussey in 2013. Since then I've had two relationships full of love that lasted over three years. I dated in-between and learnt to enjoy the many stages of dating regardless of whether the initial sparks have turned into something long term or not. Matthew's advice has been a guiding light in what can be an unpredictable time and I'd recommend reading his book - How to get the guy. Which really should be called: How to keep the massive line of dudes at your door respecting your boundaries.

I decided in my 30s to be who I am unapologetically , an its either you accept me or you don't no games just straight up telling the truth and say what's really on my mind no matters who am with or whose standing in front of but not be a jerk in the process.. Am now 61 am bald tattooed and both ears are pierced an it worked wonders because its who I really am without the fear of rejection and whatever happens am ok with it when it comes all women relationship or not !! An its about living a whole life and being a whole person without worrying about how people will or won't perceive me !!

I am not afraid to let the person know in the beginning. It sets the tone for the relationship. If you hold back and wait…you may never get the love you crave.

"Sometimes we're so afraid of scaring someone off that we don't even give them the encouragement to actually try with us." hits the nail seriously hard. My situation with a guy is rather complicated as we are both incredibly shy. The main problem is that I don't want to seem too obsessive or scare him away, rightfully as I am actually really chose with his mother. But yeah, I should ask him more questions, I should try to sit next to him if I accidentally put myself in a situation that he cannot sit next to me. And these are really great tips for flirting that even if he isn't actually interested in me that way, this is just confident flirting that can be excused as friendliness at the end of the day (which is a good thing if it fails, and a good thing if it succeeds). If none of us step it up, we're not going to get anywhere.

When a guy "tries too hard" its called needy or clingy. I really wish we could all just be honest with ourselves and each other.

Why do I enjoy listening to this man so much????? 😭

Thank you for this. I knew this guy for a long time and we decided that we like each other and we should start dating and see if we can start a relationship. After 3 days of effort and presence, he started being busy all the time, even on his days off, and responding after hours or even "forgetting" to text back. I told him twice I need to feel like I am a priotity to him. He would apologize, change one day then do it again. I got tired of being anxious and trying to play games to win him. I just ended it. I didnt feel liked enough

Awesome and VERY important video that should be listened to over and over again like a mantra specifically by people with anxious attachment style tendency.

Well, I'm Latina. I couldn't play cool/cold on a date even if I wanted!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 And I am a very serious person, who's looking only for a committed relationship, no games at all. I guess we are more "expressive", warm, and direct without being interpreted as too needy. Dating here in the USA is very different than dating in a Latin country. That's for sure.

This is SO funny to hear this about physical affection! I'm old now but I've always enjoyed both physical affection and intimacy with a partner - my entire life! - but when I picked someone to marry, I chose the one person who did NOT enjoy those things very much at all! I'd just become a Christian, "reformed my wicked ways", & felt that I should strive to match his modesty & reserve. What a mistake that was! It was a short marriage. I'm still a Christian, but I hug who I want to hug (with their consent of course). But perhaps absurdly, I now have a much higher bar for intimacy than I had 30 years ago. Which has meant that in one way, I've been "alone" for over 12 years, but in another way, has allowed me to have many friends of all types & ages, & to talk openly with them about my thoughts & feelings, without focussing on them exclusively as a means to achieving physical intimacy.

The Standards Vs. Indifference thing you said just completely turned the lights on to how i went wrong in a past situation.

I approach dating like I approach friendships. If you don’t like me as a friend, you definitely won’t like me as a partner.

The photo analogy is such a great way of reframing the situation to get over pride/ego

Thank you Matt, this video is my confirmation that my actions were correct! I was interested in a man and it seemed he was interested in me. Our first conversation was good, I thought. We spoke longer than anticipated, but it was a good vibe. So I asked for his number, he gave it willingly. So, I reached out to make the first move. He responded, vaguely. I tried again two more times. His last response was " it could be a possibility " that we could meet and get to know each other better. I said great and told him to name the time and place and let me know, because I wanted him to be more active in taking initiative. I also added, jokingly, "don't keep me waiting for too long". Well..... It's been two weeks since that text. No contact since. Only the occasional" hi" or wave at the gym. So after watching this video, I'm going to focus my energy somewhere else. I'm a little bummed about it, but I don't chase. And I won't wait around while he figures it out. I need someone that will match my energy, morals and values. I been through way too much in my life to waste my time. So again, I Thank you!! Aloha🌺

I sooo needed this information.. just saw him on Drew Berry show.. excellent advice. I met this guy that says he’s single.. but moves like he’s not. He’s already not keeping his word with simple things.. like I’m going to call you back”. Then doesn’t call back.. too many of those is enough for me.. more than likely he’s like this in other areas. I love myself and my peace.. he can keep it moving 😂❤

Now that i have worked on myself i don't want to lose myself in my relationship that was my old pattern and I also think space is so healthy in a relationship I think it's good to miss each because its so exciting when you come back together and still make time for dates no matter how long you have been together being grateful for each other and appreciating what your partner does invest and then test great advice thank you ❤

I’m low key afraid of dating someone that also watches this videos, and has the same issues like me. Then we both reacting the same way to everything, then we are heartbroken and come back to this videos again ❤😂

This perspective of standards being where your ultimate power lies, not indifference, has caused a bit of a paradigm shift in my approach to dating and romantic relationships. It's something I've vaguely felt before but just couldn't put my finger on it. Now it's locked in and has honestly changed everything and completely freed me up to not be "afraid" of being vulnerable and affectionate. More true to who I am and what I feel. To be confident and therefore more authentic. Which makes the other person be able to know and trust me more. Because I do. This is straight 🔥

This is such a great video. A guy I was seeing ended things with me a month ago due to not feeling that “spark” or not much chemistry. His reason was once I let my guard down, i.e being vulnerable that I liked him and wanted to see where it could go because I gave him that green light. But wasn’t reciprocated. A lot of the points Matthew pointed out makes me look at the situation at a different perspective. Thanks Matthew! ❤️

Are you serious!! This is the most powerful content I’ve ever heard about this topic for years … The way you structure the ideas and present them 👍🏻

I’ve been wanting to date again after a long period of therapy, self-work, and healing, but really afraid to, this has helped. Especially self-trust. Thank you got this

I did my part. I expressed my interest, extended my patience, and was honest entire time. I think it's up to him now.

Loved the analogy of a photograph, a snapshot in time! Sooooooooo trueee!!!!! Completely agree!👏

it's nice when you share your own experiences as well!

Wow, what a fresh breath of air. I have been in a funk, I am at a place where I was in need of what you are talking about and explaining it. I could not find anyone who would break it down like you do and give me understanding. I am going to keep watching you, thank you.

Hey Matthew, just wanted to thank you for helping me understand how to communicate standards, not only in dating and personal relationships but also in my work life. I used to get very anxious about articulating my needs and was very unhappy in lots of crappy relationships… it took a toll on me on many degrees! But now I can say How you say them is key. Thanks!!

I love watching your videos again and again to remind myself. It always gets me in check if I start to feel more for a person I know. If I don't feel the same of what I invested, I start to move away slowly. Your videos always give me the motivation to do it. Thank you Matthew ❤

Finding this channel could not have come a more perfect time in my life. Thank you for your wisdom.

Number 2 really helped with getting over unrequited love. Thanks for that ♥️

There is something about MH that whether I am in a good place, healing from trauma, he is just so so so gooood to listen to. Thank you

This is a beautiful talk. It is smart and comes from a place of kindness. This is how we should always act, even in modern dating which is a mess.

Matt you've been a massive help to me during my recovery and healing process from an emotional break up thank you so much keep up the good work

As per usual quality, really helpful content rooted in reality. Thank you Matthew! Your videos always make me feel better!

That was really good to hear today. Thank you

I know this channel is mostly directed for women, but it says things that are also very helpful to hear as a man.

Honestly your videos are the best content on the subject.

The title of this video is shallow but the message in the content is very deep. Thanks, Matthew. This video of you randomly showed up on my feed and I am glad I watched it.

You've said it all.I needed to hear this .

Thanks Matthew! This was the biggest question that has been on my mind through all of these years of coaching videos. And your answer just came at precisely when I needed it! ❤

Matthew tells harsh truth delicately. Delicacy comes from intelligence. Thank you

Spot on as always! Thanks for this contentful content Matthew 😃

Mr. Hussey... This one is hands down! A million pieces of gold wrapped in responsibility and maturity. Thank you

This is such a good topic Matthew ❤ Loved all of it !

you're a genius. I'm going through a 'play it cool' phase and was disappointed with the result. I did not expect this video to help me. Thanks Matt

Thank you so much. This is advice I've been dying to hear for a long time.

Thank you Matt!!! I have grown so much from this video.

Blows my mind . That’s actually really powerful 🤯 thank you 🙏

Man, you'r such an inspiration, everything You Say direct's people to realice their own quality and to have self love.... Please, keep up the good work.

I love Matthew’s videos because it’s not about dating and yes about self esteem! Which is key for the relationship with yourself and others!

One of your best videos so far Matt

Love this talk, hit nail on the head!

I did exactly what you said with my potential date, we met at the library for the first time, then later 2 dates getting cancelled, I liked the potential very much, but I can‘t keep asking, I want reciprocity and affection, and I‘m standing behind this. If she comes back she knows, if she doesn‘t it‘s ok.

im impressed how intellectual you break down your convictions. It helps to not be afraid you have something i dont

OMG he made me cry in the first minutes... yes anxiety of expressing yourself is not good... so much to learn, thank you so much Matthew!

This was very helpful. Very wholesome. Very positive. Mature 💕

Omg you are literally giving us confidence, thank you

This is the most real dating advice I’ve heard on here. So much good into

This was so good! I appreciated how you talked about attachment and got on a psychologically deep level. Personal work is so important to heal the negative patterns we get into, very true!

EXCELLENT as ALWAYS Matthew.

Its funny I always catch your videos when I didnt even know I need it. :D You make me sane and you voice out what I have always known before. I just "shut it down" because of fear of losing the guy You and this video validated my inner voice that told me "Your fine. Your standards are simple and doable. They cant provide it? there re other things worth your/our time. Do that instead." Thank you Mr. Hussey for making me realize the obvious tht I just shut down

Mathew i am very glad that you are maturing your approach about rel;ationship. Your before speech i wasn’t agreeing with bc was very much training for a game we all need to be humans and express and there is your teaching what our boundaries would be. Love this!

I'm completely in love with your videos Matthew. I used to be this "cool girl", not demanding anything but wanting it all....and feeling pretty miserable for that. Now, it's been a while since I started to love myself more, to value myself and to show what I feel and what I want, no matter what... I mean, my feelings are mine. I deny to be ashamed of them. Thank you for your knowledge and for sharing it with us in such a easy way. Have a beautiful day and a week🙏🏼❤️

This video made me cry a little. Because when you essentially asked if we can be self fulfilled to walk away when our standards are not met but being vulnerable first…that´s when I realised I have achieved it. It took me so long to accept myself. It took me double as long to love myself. And even longer to realise I wont scare people away when I address what´s important to me, or better said, that the right person would stay. They never did, so it was never the right one for me. I held back my standard of wanting a long term relationship and not only a short fling because „it would scare them away and if they only got to know me better, they would want something long term.“ WRONG. With that attitude, I didnt even select people who were in the same life stage as me to move forward a step. Intention can be a deal breaker as much as compatibility can be. Watching your video was like me speaking reciting all the life lessons I had to learn the hard way this year. You are a very smart and empathetic man, Matthew. I promised to myself I wont hold back the truth to others anymore, and not lie to myself anymore. I know what I want, more than ever, and it´s really freeing. I can say that I love myself, say that I trust the universe that there is my person out there that I will not find if I compromise my personality and intentions. I am on the right path and it feels so good. I can be on my own, be secure within myself and never need anyone to be happy. I am at piece with myself, finally. After every break up Íve always felt worse and repeated toxic believes about myself in my head. But after the last dating stage ended with a guy because I said I wanted something longterm and he didnt, I felt better afterwards. It hurt because I liked him as a person, but there was not the slightest spark of feeling insecure about it. Quite the opposite, I felt empowered. Empowered that I spoke my truth, that I was able to not build emotional walls or indifference although I got disappointed many times. Empowered that I now know how to preselect better, stand up for my values and not talk myself down for things out of my control. This is real freedom. Thank you.

Amazing advice. The best MH video ever. Has given me freedom to express myself and understand that if it’s not matched then I can move on. Thank you Matthew❤

I love this. I would like to give my opinion though and state something (or at least reiterate a specific message you have spoken about that often gets overlooked), your energy being pulled away and redirected comes after clear communication (not demands) of showing vulnerability of showing interest and it not being reciprocated. I think this is the biggest takeaway from this. And many misunderstand this aspect. Wonderful video ❤

I love this, especially points 2 and 4

You're my best therapist and coach. Thank you for all your content ❤ it's much appreciated.

Yo, number 2 A Snapshot in Time, where you talk about showing interest but if it isn’t reciprocated to point that effort somewhere else and not let it take away any power is on point!

The way you explain things are so on point. You are amazing. ❤

This is powerful and i needed this message these days! thanks for sharing.

Love the video it resonates. Walked away from someone who was not fulfilling my needs and affecting my peace.

I really like the advice you give. I feel it gets to the heart of the matter in a concise way that is relatable. Around the 12:00 mark is where you are spot on. The "standards" you have will hopefully navigate you in the right direction. This works ladies.... you have to believe in your self-worth and have a price on your head. I've been in a cat-mouse game with a man who initiated, got closer, only for him to "disappear" every time we were getting closer to connecting. I decided he wasn't up to the standards I need which is basic courtesy and not leave someone you like confused and unclear. With my new mindset, it automatically changed my behavior around him to one of a casual friend and not one of pursuit. Game changer. Now he's coming around, but it's given me too much time to think that this is what it took and my actions were natural and not contrived or planned. I don't need, but most importantly, don't want to play this game. I gained my self-esteem back which was my personal power. It was a wake up call and I feel so much better and in control of my feelings and life!

The title is so misleading, I clicked on the video thinking I would watch some shallow formula on how to get someone to chase me, but instead the content is very deep and meaningful, talking about self esteem, standards and anxiety, great video, people would benefit a lot from watching and listening to what you have to say, I bet they do.

Is this video for women? Honestly, 1 solid piece of advice... Women, stop playing games! Be sweet to the guy you like, touch his arm, ask him things he wants to talk about, have open and welcoming body language. BUT, do not give yourself till a month after the first kiss. As this will usually kill chances to form a healthy LTR. There's a lot of terrible advice going around. Things like 'don't text back too quickly', 'don't be too keen', 'make him do everything'. All of these things signal you're not interested and most self respecting guys will be put off by this behaviour.