I resonate with this so much Filly. I threw surprise birthdays/graduations/parties multiple times for all my friends in our friend group and my gf. And 2 years down the line I realised, no one threw anything for me/gave me a gift/ or went above and beyond in the same way. Not even my gf, she decided to pay for our dinner during a date that I planned for her at the ballet. Sometimes you just seem a bit invisible in life and it really starts to hurt but you can’t do anything about it
Both sides make sense but I feel like if a friend knows that the other friend asking has helped him out tremendously in the past then that friend should want to do everything possible to help. It's not about having a motive but more about the friend having a heart
How about expecting things that aren’t material objects? Like expecting your friends to be there for you when they know you’re going through something, expecting them not to ditch you in hard times, expect them to take 2 seconds out of their day to get back to you when you reach out or at least reply. Or expecting them to keep the same energy that you have when it comes to how they act to ur face and not behave differently when you aren’t there. I’d say it’s completely reasonable to expect these things.
@@mychavadinglyopening8062 then they would usually appreciate your company and not ghost you if they are truly a real 1 , if not fuck em they’re plastic they are just giving excuses. - personally no matter how down I am I will always have 2 seconds to send at least a reply to someone that reached out, even if its one reply a day or 2. If someone knows i been tryna reach them for weeks and months, yet they dont give a shit enough to respond, that aint ur friend.
I understand what filly is saying as someone who is very giving, you would expect to get the same energy back when you have such a giving heart and when it's not reciprocated you find yourself in your feelings and resent builds. You can't expect you in others, that saves alot of hurt. I always believe you will be blessed anyway, God sees and knows your heart.
Filly makes alot more sense beacause how are you going to expect someone to forget the past and act like in never happened. Its not about having an ulterior motive its about your friend having a heart.
You both making sense. I think that expectations lead to a lot of disappointment. When you give someone something you should never expect anything in return from them. However, as friends, reciprocity is important. It can’t be in the same way cause we’re obviously not at the same level but I think friends must always be willing to help out and it’s okay if they genuinely can’t. It’s kinda the same as giving someone something and expecting them to use it a certain way. People need to detach themselves from things they give to other people. It really helps you
This was a real convo. I see both sides but I personally have become more like Chunkz. I used to give to get but now I just give if I genuinely want to - no expectations. No one can ever be a friend how I am a friend so it’ll be unfair of me to expect from them what I’ve normalized in my head.
I was a Filly back in the day but what broke my heart is those exact friends took me for a mug talking behind my back saying an easy person. Filly u have the sweetest heart but be very careful with ur heart ❤
Real spill Chunkz, it's a value exchange thing. It shows the value people out on helping. People like Filly have that expectation I wouldn't say necessarily from a place of naive optimism, but understanding of a normal dynamic between two people that care for each other. Like you said, if you had 100, you'd give an M. Why? Because giving isn't just giving, it's a statement. If you can't expect mutual and equal care from those you call family, then what are we doing? It's not even a transaction thing, it's mutual overstood care.
I enjoy filly and chunkz every time i see them on shorts its either super funny or super humble. Also, bring man behind screen up front i know his name is not in the show title but he has some good come back questions.
I am SO glad I watched this. As I am currently learning about expectations (and other really challenging topics about myself 😩) I can see that Chunkz' way would protect Filly from being disappointed, which would ultimately keep the relationship healthy on both sides. Filly's way keeps it so that the love is free-flowing on both sides, which means everyone is taken care of and can be themselves without worrying too much. My issue is that I didn't realize I was over-giving as a way to create a healthy space in my relationships. It's like, you can believe that you being generous means that you will have generous people around you. Like you can create the safety and comfort you need by giving to them first. It's just that it's never a guarantee with people about what they will do, so you want to always be from them and the outcome you desire. Trying to avoid/Being afraid to have a bad outcome or expecting a good outcome can really mess up the whole thing. That's what's been happening to me...I just didn't realize. And it's honestly been so much heartache like Chunkz said. 💔
There's a difference between giving and subconscious loaning. You'll know which one you did when your chips are down. Generosity comes with zero expectations or strings attached. If you have EVER given something to someone then thought about how YOU gave when you now NEED them, you weren't being generous...you were subconsciously loaning them whatever you gave them. That's a business transaction...NOTHING to do with being kind or generous. I'd rather someone be honest and say I help you because I would hope you would do the same if I needed it...then it's CLEAR that it's not out of kindness but rather an insurance policy. I learned this both from my own flaws AND from what I saw in multiple other people who gave me something. I usually ASK if there's any expectations when someone wants to give me something.
If I help someone out of the kindness of my heart I would expect the same kindness,the people u have around u should reflect yourself ,if it’s a stranger then that’s something different
Both sides make sense, but I’m going with chunkz. I’m not someone who expects anything from anyone though receiving that courtesy in return would be nice. But, ultimately, if I’m down and out, no one can bless me like God can. What I’ve come to understand is God’s abundance is the best type of abundance there is. Sometimes God allows people to give you little so He can see if you’re humble and how you’re able to steward the little, before you step into abundance again. He will use your little and multiply it. My Christian sisters and bros will understand this one.
I always try and do what I can for people but I stopped expecting things from people in general, even in behaviour. Can’t get disappointed if you don’t expect anything from people.
Facts Chunkz. Nobody owes you anything in this life. I firmly believe that too, but you need to be able to trust a few, especially those closest to you that they have your back. A part of me would hope that the person you thought was your good friend would help you the same way you helped them at a minimum especially if they could. If anything the first person made the relationship transactional in the first place by asking for money. Otherwise just say would it be possible to stay with you for abit I'm down on my luck. You basically asked for a loan. At the end of the day Santa Claus only comes once a year mate, don't ask for money that you have no intention of paying back even when you are up again. To me that's leach type behaviour, and someone you don't want in your inner circle. That would be a life lesson and red flag from that person.
if youre saying everyone has different standards and dont expect them to meet your expectations, then if you ask me for a 20 bags and thats your expectations amd standards then you should be held your own expectations and when i ask for 20 bags id expect you to meet your own expectations and return the 20 bags its not hard. dont ask for something you would never expect them to ask you back..
i agree with both, but more with filly. relationships are give and take. your friend/fam shouldn’t have to show proof of need to get something from you, especially when they didn’t ask that of you when you were in need. money is the convo here, but there are so many other examples. yeah we shouldn’t expect.. but in order to foster community, you HAVE to show up for folks and it should be equitable.
I don’t expect anything from friends, but if I give you a lot of things and give you money when you don’t even need it, I expect something in return one day at the very least
I think using money is a bad example. In general people should seek out reciprocal relationships, not in the sense that both people are giving the same thing but in the sense that both people give a shit in their own clear way.
Excluding immediate family or anyone deemed close enough you dont expect a repayment from. I beleive anyone that is in a continuous financial postion to Lend to people, Upon being asked will subconsciously question said persons ability of repayment 99.9% of the time. Maybe a generalisation on my behalf but a high % of people that ask for money off you 1st. instead of being able to juggle finances/assests or reach out to the bank/creditors because they are self proclaimed "broke atm" are clearly not financially stable so within milliseconds of being asked the decisions already been made
I think chunkz is just saying you should never have expectations from people. My sister use to always tell me I expect too much from people and that people are not like and will not act like you.
In this clip you can clearly see the difference between a Muslim and a Christian/atheist. You can’t make favors expecting something in return, specially with money.
I think chunkz went elsewhere with the argument by the end. The point is expecting of a close friend that HAS the ability to provide (like the 100M, 20k example), I think you should be able to expect it, not demand of course, but expect it sure. But with situation like death in the family and other situations that stops the person from doing the expected it's completely fine if it doesn't happen, because there are genuine reasons. Not just the person being ungrateful, unempathetic, selfish, etc.
I think Chunk's example is very Muslim like the evidence the head down approach. Which is fair but the 5 aint enough and it would still burn you. In my mind fillys example was more honest. And that shows also with the amounts they're ready to give away. Buttt it does manage the expectance of what you get back. But you can manage that I like how the editor broke it down. TT convo
Muslims believe the hand that gives is better then the hand that takes. So filly is right in a way and chunks is right also but according to the belief the person previously founded 20.000 should give back even more.
Bro this is the most realest statement i ever read and its really frustrating that everyone ignore that. Can you expand on that part like give example cuz i really want to hear you out
