Dr Ramani has helped me greatly over this past year. My world came crumbling down around me less than a year ago when I realized my husband was psychologically, emotionally, mentally abusing me. I’m heartbroken that anyone could be so cruel. He knew I was previously in an extremely lonely marriage of almost 30yrs. And he used that information to manipulate and gaslight me.
Mee too I'm still 8 months, no contact, and waiting for the 12 month divorce proceedings, after 19 yrs of the betrayal trauma was loved bombed into. I'm still feeling the hurt at times when I see a lovely couple holding hands, and I have to check the list in my head, that that was only during a love bombing stage, but went back to loneliness even living with him and sleeping with him. I am struggling to find something I like doing, I'm too old to go out now, it's no longer valid to seek another partner to share my life with because trust is been betrayed, in my whole life... But thank God I found Jesus who loves me for ever 🙏
Dr. Ramani… you are my gift. I am barely hanging on. I can’t believe that I’ve lasted almost 49 years. I thought no one would ever understand what it’s like to survive and physically, mentally and emotionally abusive narcissist mother and I am the scapegoat, easily thrown away. My dad is passive, all knowing and allows mother to do and say anything and my sister, the golden child. Thank you
Red Flags are behaviors that if we were never taught to see as wrong and dangerous, are behaviors that we accept as normal, & don't run away from. Growing up in a Narcissist Abusive household, I didn't recognize that these behaviors were dangerous, I thought they were normal relationship behavior s. So, when my partner became enraged and started throwing items at the wall, I would say to myself "that's OK, I am safe, he isn't throwing anything at me". Since I had grown up with items thrown at me by family members, I felt safer with my partner bc he didn't throw the items at me. I didn't recognize any Red Flag behaviors from him ( & now I see that there were so many!), bc so many of his behaviors were just like those of my family.
Thank you Dr Ramani for the knowledge the validation the clarity that had me confused helpless panicked self loathing and blamed myself for the actions and behaviors that didn’t along to me as I am the scapegoat for everything and anything and isolated with a ice cherry of devaluation and shame.Learned very young that God and myself had to be the only things to be grateful to make it through every day without true family & support
I cried when he said all those good things about Dr. Ramani and how she is helping us so deeply. Thank you to both of you for this wonderful healing conversation!
Couldn't agree more with Kyle, Dr. Ramani is a warrior, helping me and others heal and grow. Thanks for having her on the show. Can't wait to get her book.
I’ve whooshed a lot. Mostly because I have trouble comprehending humans can behave like this. I had no idea people could actually be like this. I get so angry with myself for being stupid
Sometimes we aren't aware or are unable to comprehend but that's ok, none of us do this intentionally, no wants bad for self, it just happened. Anger can't change anything but can impact present negatively by fearing you or taking you away from good. Just accept it as past , remember lessons learnt and step ahead freely. Have a objective self .
What a life changer. I feel blessed to happen to been introduced to this wisdom and psychology after suffering too long from narcissistic abuse in family and even friendships. It is a grieving experience and painful but happy to know IT’S NOT ME lifts a HUGE burden. THANK YOU DR RAMANI ❤️
Dr Ramani you are an angel. Thank you for dismantling the hold this relationship has on me. Listening to you you gives me perspective, affirmation, strength and freedom ❤️🙌
I love the praise you give Doctor Ramani because she truly deserves it. Her book is AMAZING. I was a little hesitant in ordering it because I know ‘it’s not me’ and like she says - everyone wants to read and know about the narcissist and not about the good person. Well, I want to let people know that this book is also about that antagonistic person in your life. It is such an incredible read. HIGHLY recommend it! I want to thank Doctor Ramani because she could've broken this book down into so many little ones and sold them separately, but she didn't. I would call this book the Bible on 'how to survive and thrive after or during a narcissistic relationship'. Upon knowledge that in this world narcissistic people exist, I have listened to possibly all of her videos (some twice). I can't thank her enough for her awesome work. I have commented on Doctor Ramani's video before that she is today world's modern super hero. She has helped and is helping so many of us. Thank you again. YOU. ARE. AWESOME! ❤️ P.S. Great video Kyle!! I always listen to you as well. 😊
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this right now and how much I appreciate what your doing. I’ve been through the ringer so much happened my mother helped her friend commit identity theft and fraud to the IRS and other federal programs in my name I started receiving letters in the mail a few weeks ago both affecting my taxes and health insurance I never thought she’d use being my mother in order to do what she’s done I actually went no contact months ago but a long standing pattern with her has been that she enjoys the pain and trauma she inflicts through others and by gaslighting me so I would have to accept the dangerous people she associated with because if we didn’t go along with it she made threats and attempts of self harm but I want to be clear that with all that’s happened I’m completely done with her and her side of the family because all they’ve done is enable her and guilt trip me into keeping my mouth shut not reporting her etc so I won’t be silent anymore and I am documenting everything.
This was so helpful to me. I’m feeling that sense of cognitive dissonance in realizing that my family is not safe for me. They all conspired to help my adult son with cognitive disabilities basically run away from my home to another state. He convinced them that he needed to escape right away and nobody even thought to ask me what was going on. He basically villainized me and my wife to everyone so they would help him move.. like he had to escape from us. When we found out their plans we told him to get out. So now we are the bad guys for kicking him out while also being the bad guys for trying to make him stay with us. I can’t trust my parents, my son, or my sister. I just recently told them all that I need space and set up a no communication boundary with them. It’s just so disorienting when you realize that the happy family you thought you had never really existed.
Ooooffff! I feel betrayed too. So sorry you had to go through that. Glad we have this space for healing…and grieving/purging what we’ve carried on us and in us. It’s been 48 years of slow food poisoning that I’m able to recognize and relieve myself from. It feels so icky. For me right now…I choose to forgive myself first. For not knowing what I was in as a child up to 50 y/o at present time. All of these years of therapy and trying to “work” on myself. No wonder…”it’s not me!” That never donged on me…🤯
The comfort you just gave me just by getting permission to have accepted this bad behavior is so healing . It healed the self gaslighting xo love you thank you Love you too kyle xo thank you❤❤
He took advantage of my greatest gift, generosity, that cuts deep! He did it with gaslighting and I responded with unconditional love and generosity, he will never have any one as good as me and I will for sure never have anyone as bad as him, lol Thanks Dr R!
Following years upon years of being betrayed multiple times by my spouse - even with my sister - the more lovers I discovered he had had, although hurtful to me, left me free to understand that it was never me or my failings - as he implied - but rather something in him he was trying to prove about himself, his inadequacies or perhaps his superiority.
It was very hard for me to walk away i felt so much guilt for doing that and after listening to this it has helped me to understand i was not all at fault so thankyou for helping me break that cycle that has kept me from moving on
Several years ago this site had a calm cool collected yet very aloof vibe. I called them on it. What a beautiful warm, giving, heart felt site these two have provided. I am more than thankful! The open style is wonderful.
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani, for what you said about, "Forgiveness". They have made my entire life a running of the GAUNTLET OF PAIN, so I absolutely concur!
This woman never stop to amaze me with her knowledge ✨By now I’ve listened to hundreds of her talks and I’m still learning … thank you, thank you, thank you 🙏⭐️
It's hard to admit to yourself that you are an enabler, that you benefit from the status quo and have fears you need to face in order to get into a healthier place in your life. Dr. Ramani talks about things no other narc expert has said. Many whoosh moments Ihave let go by. Thank you.
Abusers dont take responsibility and accountability for their own actions. They rarely say sorry and they blame others for their actions. Abusers enjoy harming others and they enjoy seeing people suffer. They enjoy the suffering they see even more if they caused the suffering. They are mentally or emotionally immature. Abusers are okay with bullying. Abusers dont want to protect others from abuse or bullying. They want get rid of rules or laws that help and protect others. Abusers dont care about the mental health or physical health of another living being. Its not you its their choice on how they want to deal with their trauma. When they are triggered they take out on you. Its not you
thank you so much for saying that shaming people for not forgiving is bullshit)) i felt a of of pressure from people about this when i said i would never forgive my boyfriend for cheating on me. 1,5 years later i still haven't forgiven. and i feel very confident that i have the right to feel what i feel and i don't care what others think about that
Brava! Dr. Ramani- simply wonderful- Thank you both Kyle and Dr. Ramani for offering this extraordinary video and resource with the book to us all. Extremely grateful. Thank you.
I found my voice & the best decision i ever made was going no contact with an ex malignant narcissist who did unforgivable things to me during most of my life & i can thank the warrior herself Dr.Ramini who taught me & gave me permission to do so & low contact with my narcissistic mother who was his chief enabler Im getting my son to order her book on Amazon for me as im not IT literate...i need to read this book I have always enjoyed videos with you both , you have a lovely energy together & we've got this Kyle!
Omgoodness always get what I need. It’s like reading an Alanon book daily When Kyle said his partner would choose drugs over him! My 24 yr marriage to a narc/addict. His last relapse was steroids & gym adoration Wooosh he’s gone. My future is bright Ty for this content💪🏻
guys i love how both of you get older in a very beautiful way. (Dont ever do plastic surgery) watching you makes me feel am in your tribe your are my old friends and we all grow and also grow old together❤i love it!!! also I love the vibe in between you.
This was phenomenal! I am forever changed for the better. I did not understand Betrayal Blindness and have been beating myself up senselessly for missing to act on red flags from the narcissist. I can understand myself now and let it go. You guys are amazing. Thank you so much. ❤
Love you so much! I can’t believe the timing. Thank you for making so many of us. Many of us hurt stuck in bed many ways. I’m beginning to understand to make small changes. It was wild SA from rich father. I paid all the consequences of the conflict. I’m not willing to deal with this. I will find a family of love not abuse even if they’re wealthy
I really can relate to the part about losing your sense of reality, hypervigilance, identity theft. Not trusting it is something i very much deal with.
Thank you 🙏 I feel so broken after my narcissistic ex betrayed me for the fourth time! And every time I was feeling myself ugly and not worth anything good. Still I feel abandoned now and heartbroken even after two months. I don't know how to make myself understand that, cause I understand with my mind how it works but my emotions get me back to missing him
I just filled out the form to hopefully win a free copy and I just want to type out how I’m so fascinated anytime Dr. Ramani gives out analogies to help viewers better understand what she’s teaching and my biggest takeaway was definitely the capacity part, knowing that other people have different capacities in areas of their lives and how it relates to relationships as well. Super great stuff I really love this live, so informative about what betrayal trauma is and what the grieving process is all about.❤
Wow: this video gave ME clarity. I have to admit that what Dr Ramani has said about forgiveness has blown my mind because I was with sone of that GREAT old time religion. I am going to have to think about this for MY truth. But to be honest I will definitely consider what she is saying about forgiveness. This is about how you feel within youself. ❤️ And "morality" IS both an important word (tradition, rules, society, social groups, etc) as WELL as a word that gives pause to its "untouchability." What I mean, is the word morality is EASILY abused by power abuses.
Even though, I know the facts, the trauma is so powerful. When I try to talk to him about my feelings and needs (calmly and healthily) he takes no accountability, gaslights and projects all his toxic bullshit on me. He said, I’m not a whole person. And that’s what HE needs.( after saying he is sorry, that he is struggling with alcoholism and can’t give emotionally or spiritually right now)I know he’s projecting, talking about himself but nothing has hurt as much as that. I’ve struggled with PTSD and abuse for years before him and he knows that. I am shattered now because maybe im not whole. I’m completely broken because of him, i am financially dependent with a small child and even daily tasks feel impossible. He’s cutting me off and Without help, i will lose everything. I have no family to help me. I’m not whole because he broke me and left me shattered. He is a miserable toxic abusive human but he’s covert, so people think he is great. He hides behind a job that helps people. He took everything from me and blames me for everything. How do I go on for my daughter? I’m a broken person now, with no resources. He’s right, I’m not whole.😰💔
Reach out to help if possible. I am just learning about this type of person. I was a stay at home mom. He is the good guy. But I am trying online therapy. It has helped me to understand.
I can so relate to this everything is making sense. I have been out of an abusive relationship for almost two years now and am starting to heal. Thanks for this book.
I love the part of forgiveness . Well I will never allowed my self to miss any of Her videos . She put her ideas is so interning way that enough is never enough . In a meaning always you feel some thing will come to you in so many form . Yes so glad I said to every one around exactly what she define forgiveness . I felt victory as it came for the expert . ❤🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
The more I read and listen about Narcissitic behaviour I feel like im the narcissistic person in the relationship because after being betrayed, ignored and abused I still end up not wanting to leave the person.
I got the book for myself and my sister AND am listening to it via Audible...It's very helpful!!!! Thanks for this podcast. Kyle: You are a great interviewer!
Lots of good wishes to you Dr. Ramani.. Indeed She is providing healing & support to us. The forgiveness part was indeed amazing. That’s the reality. Forgiveness is a divine gift but we shouldn’t waste it for those who have taken ourselves from us..
Thank you for this vid it truly helped me more then words can convey. I needed to hear every word to save my truth and bring me back to life. Aum and so it is ....
i wd ask whats the similarity in both. Which is both of them are taking the energy away from the other people around them. Better leave them and let them heal on their own pace and style if they ever want to. your responsibility in that if you are none of them is to stay away and focus on you and find people who are your tribe. and not the narc and acoholic drug user tribe.
Thank you so much for this information video. I've betrayal trauma. My parents abandoned me at 14 for my. Older brother who was their favorite child. He attacked me repeatedly and my mom has bpd and nods. My father is an extremely hard, harsh, and abusive man, especially in my younger years. After a near-fatal attack on me by a neonazi older kid in high school. I was forced to go to school when I. Had the flu bcz my brother didn't want me not be home. He dropped out in 7th grade and even now at 43 he's never driven or never lived on his own and never had a relationship. He's a grandiose schizophrenic but has always been protected and enabled by our parents. They did him a serious disservice. I had a long relationship with a young woman who betrayed me only a few weeks before I was about to propose to her. I found out that she had cheated on me after she asked me if would I forgive her if she betrayed me. I asked her, had she? Her voice changed and said weakly “No.” so I knew she had. Then she rejected me and my having autism since I hadn't told her yet. She said my being autistic would change how she felt about me. 😢😢😢 she gaslighted me trying to manipulate me after she told me she didn't cheat on me. I knew that she did. I tried to see beyond this. But I couldn't forgive her a betrayal. Never!!!💔💔💔😡😡😡 but it has been 5 years since I ended the relationship. For the last 5 years, I have been working hard on myself. I've lost over 139lbs and gained better health and healing myself. But my parents abandoned me at 14 till I was 19 and then at 22 I moved out to get away from the abuse. My parents abuse me, and so does my brother. I moved out 18 years ago and haven't married yet. But I'm 40 now and in my religion, I have some women in their 20s. I'm an attractive man and a noble gentleman. My ex was 9. Years Younger than Me. But since I wanted to wait to be married to be intimate. But she had a boyfriend on the side. Other than I. That was a horrible betrayal. She went to him for an easy lay as I wanted to wait. So she betrayed me and that caused me even more betrayal trauma. I am finally getting ready to pursue a new relationship. But my ex last year asked me to take her back. The other coward she betrayed me with had a big truck she saw and loved. She was extremely materialistic and when she married him she found out that he was up to his eyeballs in debt. He was just a janitor and now since COVID-19, he quit working. She works. And she has a 4-year-old son now. She asked me to take her back but I flat out told her “No!!!” bcz she is a slut and berated me. I couldn't ever trust her yet she had the gall to want me to take her back. I was betrayed and had severe trauma from her and my parents. I was abandoned for 6 years and my parents were horrible to me as was my older brother whom my family blamed for his actions and attacks on me. So I have a lot of betrayal trauma. I have had a very good few friends and family members who support me to continue to heal as I didn't before the last 4.5 years since 2019 when I broke up with the slut who betrayed me. She betrayed me. And I realized that is not my fault. Thank you for this video. It helped me a lot.
That's really cool that she said July 17 (~49 minute timestamp), because that is literally the day I walked away from an abusive relationship (the first day I fought back against staying in it) a handful of years ago. Quinkydink
Forgiveness is for me so I may have peace, Not for the other person. But of course I couldn't begin to do that until I removed myself from the narcissists, that's my experience anyway.
The thing that helped me most was reversing the roles…if I was the one who lied and who tried to use the other person wouldn’t I spend so much time and effort so they don’t notice?.??…much more time is spent protecting the lies than actually lying…the anger and blowing up when I ask simple questions was my evidence at the end…. I did in fact suffocate his stories…and he didn’t get what he wanted..I’m thankful !…but for a moment imagine how much effort the abuser put into fooling you..which if you left them didn’t even work…who is stupid now??
My mother in whole family and “friends” betray me so I stop completely to talk to them, i used to do this b buffling specially with my family but, I stop and cut them All of from my life.. yesterday my mother have her birthday and I did not call so my brother texted me to remember calling her, I said happy birthday for her but, no i’n not talking to her and that’s it.. he never replied back. He is cut off too now. They are all blocked from everywhere, I love myself to let anyone to keep doing this and refuse to betray myself. I forgiven them all but, I won’t allow them back into my life. They won’t ever have another chance to hurt me again. I believe who they show me they are and forgiving is for me to free myself of all resentment from them, they won’t whole any energy from me ever again. They are free to go.
Had an argument with Dr. Les Carter about forgiveness; some things are unforgivable. He went into a pious rant about a concentration camp survivor (Victor Frankl?) forgiving Hitler. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Agree wholeheartedly with Dr. Ramani; forgiveness is a gift not a guilt trip. Just got the book yesterday.
![Is it Because of Me? [Healing From Betrayal Trauma]](/img/logo.svg){kind=logo}
