Is it Normal to Experience Relief in Grief? 

Relief in Grief can be a tricky experience. Let's normalize this in the comment section. There are many ways to work together! www.jomcrogers.com 💕

My husband of 37 years died suddenly from natural causes September of this year. It shattered me. But in a small part of my heart I was relieved. I had spent our whole marriage dealing with his alcoholism. No one wanted to acknowledge it. He was just a great guy who loved to party. But I dealt with the dark side of addiction with him. I miss him every day. I love him and will always love him. But there is immense relief knowing neither of us has to deal with the darkness of his addiction any longer.

I felt both relief and guilt that my beloved's pain was at an end...yet i was still here. Everything went so fast...I couldn't think clearly if at all. TY for this chance to write this.

My Dad aged 49 was killed in a horrific traffic accident, when I went to see him in the funeral parlour I felt devastated so I prayed and asked God the Father to comfort me and He did, by the Holy Spirit, I felt like I had a strong corset wrapped around me holding me together, I grieved but I was not overwhelmed.

Jo, thank you for this topic. I was my husband’s caregiver for the last 7 going on 8 years of his life. For the first four years I tried working and taking care of him. It nearly killed me. I ended up retiring early and just focusing on his care as his many conditions caused his continual decline. It wasn’t until he had been gone a month or two when I realized that part of my feeling unsettled was due to actually having some time for myself. And now I realize that part of what I was feeling was relief. As you say a sense of relief of not being responsible for his care. I miss him with all my heart and still love him so much that I still experience those tricky moments of overwhelming sadness. It is a journey.

I am so glad you covered this! My daughter was an addict and I got phone calls all during the day and night from her. It was either her 'tripping out' about something or her and her fiance fighting. (He was also an addict) I have been in therapy since I lost my oldest daughter to a drug overdose 18 yrs ago and she called me 5 times one day during my therapy session. It was like that every day and night. I finally told her not to call me when they were fighting. She actually complied. But the other calls didn't. Every day was a new drama. I loved her with all of my being. She was my best friend despite everything. I talked to her every day and saw her almost every day. She was trying to get sober but due to her criminal background she hit brick walls at every turn. She finally got to go, but it was only for a week. She had only been out 5 days and she shot and killed herself. I am a Christian, and I honestly believe she is at peace, and I do feel some relief now that the drama has stopped. I believe God gave me that. Not by her dying, but by taking it out of my hands. I know now that I was trying to save her and that was not my place. She was sober when she died. Her fiance had used a few days before her death and she didn't use with him. I also had to realize that even though she was sober, the demons were still there. I haven't talked to my therapist about the relief part of my grief, but after watching your video, I am going to. 4:48 pm

Thank you so much for this video. I have felt quite guilty about the new freedom I experienced after my husband's passing. Over the last few years, my husband became a homebody who was very demanding & wanted me to be at home with him. (He also kept the tv blaring 24 /7 whether he watched it or not.) As a result, I was always stressed and in a hurry to get home as soon as possible, even when doing planned activities with other family members or friends. After his death, it was such a relief to be able to go home in leisurely time and not be given the "3rd degree"as to my whereabouts or questioned as to why I was late or " What took so long?" In fact, I discovered it's was a joy to walk into my home and it be silent... no TV running. I have felt extremely guilty about enjoying this new freedom. I love him, miss him, and cherish all our times spent together. Your message has helped me realize that what I am feeling is all a part of the process of healing. Thank you again.

There was a relief that my mom was no longer suffering. There was no quality of life and her ability to communicate was almost non-existent. The vibrant person we had known was no longer with us. She wouldn't want that if she had been able to tell us. Even so, I was still in shock when she left us peacefully on my birthday.

Relief is so true as my mom was suffering, but you don’t thinks it’s ok to feel this way. This was helpful. Thanks.

I felt relief that I was going to have to go to hospitals any more. I wasn't going to have to call 911 anymore or see any more doctors

The sense of loss is so big and heavy that it's covering up any sense of relief for me. So I have been starting to try to consciously think about the gravity and uncurability of his disease and how it would have been such a life of suffering especially for him, to balance the terrible disappointment that they couldn't keep him alive some years longer. The doctor said it was treatable but even though I would have had him longer, it would have been mostly a medical nightmare and he wouldn't have been able to live his best life....😢

I felt relief after my dad passed because he was in so much pain. My son was only 27 years old when he died. It was sudden and unexpected. There has been no sense of relief with my son.

D.ear Jo. Many thanks for your shared knowledge about grief. It has been so helpful. My grief centers around my first child's decision to be estranged from me for over 7 years now. I am 71, she is 52. I suspect from my research that she may have something like a personality disorder. She had a happy nurturing, balanced, loved and loving childhood. She started to change as she approached adulthood. She lives 30 minutes away. My attempts to reconcile with her finished with a visit /intervention attempt where she slammed the door in my face. The worst pain of my life.

❤

I felt relief after both of my parents' died particularly my mother. My mother was sick for many years. I felt relief that she was no longer in pain, no more dialysis, infections, or surgeries. I also felt relief that I would no longer feel anxious every time my phone rang and I saw my parents' number on the caller ID. Many times the call meant that my mother was back in the hospital. Thank you for this video. It helps me realize that what I felt isn't bad and is somewhat normal.

Great video that addresses topics that are rarely discussed about grief. I find relief in grieving because it's when I can be truly honest about my feeling and not put on a good front for others. Thank you.

I've had relief with almost all the loss of my loved ones, except loved ones that's I've lost suddenly and loved ones that were murdered.

Thanks again for sharing your knowledge and experience. For me the anticipatory grief rang true. I lived 200 miles from my very elderly mother who died 18mths ago. During the enforced separation of covid I started grieving my mum knowing her time was limited. The physical separation later mirrored the feelings Ive had when she eventually died and there was relief in the waiting was over. Also my adult child has a debilitating mental health Illness which often puts them at life threatening risk. Sometimes when the sadness is particularly heavy and heartbreaking I thnk that, that fateful knock on the door or phone call would be a relief..

Thank you,

This one I have to think about,thanks

I love these videos. I find them so helpful and informative x

Yes it is possible to feel relief in grief. I know that Bible Prophecy is being fulfilled and that Yeshua HaMashiach _Jesus Christ will at somepoint in our lifetimes He shall return to establish Kingdom of Yahweh, where death shall no longer exist. I am looking forward where death shall be no more. ❤ To all those in grief and other sufferings.

I lost my son, a few months later I lost my brother, and New Year day I lost my twin flame my husband and my heart is totally shattered. All I want more than anything is to be with them. I can’t bare the thought of moving on. I try a lot of things to be healed but not sure I want the healing because that would mean I would have to go on living without them. I try different things to kill the pain and sadness but it’s always there.😂

My mom was sick for so long, and it was difficult caring for her, so yes, I experienced relief when she died. I'm also experiencing some relief this holiday season because I used to have to spend all my free time at the holidays helping my mom with her own holiday chores and it was exhausting. I miss her, but I don't miss having to do all of that extra work. ❤

Right up to the last days before my beloved died he was an extreme walker. He needed me to be there with him to walk of course, So I walked with him endlessly. We walked for hours every day. And I remember trying so hard to be happy as I walked with him. I was so burnt out that I started to get quiet. And he noticed. But my feet were so worn out from so much walking that they hurt. They hurt so much. Eventually I found out I had a repetitive stress fracture in my foot from so much walking. Now that my beloved has died there is no more walking. My foot has healed. And I have the great relief of having rest. But at what cost!! The relief I feel is but a smallest piece compared to the crushing guilt that I live with every day. I keep trying to wake up from this nightmare. I feel.like my soul is wandering the streets begging anyonenand everyone "please, have you seen my beloved? I am trying to find him."

Thank you, Jo, as always for putting into words what a lot of us feel in grief. I started grieving my Mum unconsciously when her condition started to worsen, but that was at a time when we were all in denial about it, we didn’t think it would come so soon. When after a few weeks of suffering and hope against hope Mum agreed to be taken to the hospital where her terminal state was confirmed, I felt a first moment of relief. Relief of finally knowing. And also relief of knowing it would be over soon (I even started planning what I would do later… for which I immediately felt guilty). This said, I hoped we had weeks or maybe months where we had days… And I felt relief when Mum passed that our suffering was over - hers and mine and of course guilt came along again almost immediately. More than two years on these feelings start to fade and I get to remember mostly the good things, but I still feel pangs of guilt occasionally.

Thank you so much for this information Jo

If pets count, yes. Thank you, ❤❤❤

Yes I felt guilty living this guy quite a bit beachside of his constant offending of me

I was sad when my mom died Shocked when my brother had to go Now I’m wondering who’s next???

Yes I suppose I was relieved a little Cause he was causing me to stay w him Even though I wanted to move on,

Sorta glad this one guys gone Cause he was kind of a bad guy

I found this video so healing thank you! 🤍