In The Know: Panelists discuss ways to care for the nation's paranoid schizophrenics, such as hiding cameras in their homes or audio transmitters in their ears. More coverage at: www.onion.com
Schizophrenic Person: "Get out of my head!!!" The ominous voice of the government: "Dude, you are like, being really ungrateful right now. We are just trying to help you man"
Ive heard that ever since the aliens left New Mexico they have now since found a new home in Wuhan, China in which these kind aliens helped develop groundbreaking technologies in our masks and vaccines so that we can control everybody around these schizophrenics in order to help them more effeciently without the use of outdated technologies like phone booths and radio waves.
They just want to do so less invasive, and so aren't public about it and all. They do this still, and much, much, MUCH more. They're always watching our schizophrenic populations, very closely, and often overtly 😇
@@Reblwitoutacause Nah, they're so busy helping other countries' schizophrenics that they neglect the local population. It's a good thing the internet private sector has picked up some of the slack. It's just not the same. Nowadays, you have to go online and on social medias to be properly watched and monitored.
Sad pattern ive noticed: schizophrenia is a common disease found in people doing horrible things with news coverage. There is evidence of things like subliminal messages and other forms of subtle brain washing. Schizophrenics are easily to manipulate as they would likely mistake attempts as hallucinations or delusions. I believe they are being manipulated now as an easy source for black flag ops victims
@@EvilMAiq a lot of them life normal lives actually I know a girl with it and I couldn't tell unless she told me but I've never seen her have an episode because we've done a good job of keeping the cameras and microphones in her house hidden in things like lights and even the inside of her couch
Then you have a very pacific case of paranoid schizophrenia, should also go back on you’re medication. Lol I’m actually schizoeffective, be a little more creative man. I’m doing some usual thread reading. I’m well aware it’s not real, schizophrenia means split mind, like living in 2 worlds at once bassicly. I’ve seen dead children, people hanging, to my own sisters head watching me. We’ve got absolutely titanium fkn balls brother. Lol😂
@@literallyjustgrassWell... After I took a massive shit, I got onions news about "Breaking news: some bullshit happening somewhere". So yeah... They are on the shit.
@@rogerab1792 paranoid schizophrenics often feel, or 'hear' "everyone is out to get you", So they are parodying "everyone is out to get you help", but 7 words is probably too much :P
Yeah. The fact that the government can be so paranoid that they openly say to "prepare for the worst" but then lock people up thru the hospital system when individuals also show concern for what they can not falsify is screwed up.
@Srithor You are doing a piss poor job of explaining any of these points. You want to be understood then its up to you to make yourself understood instead of insulting people because of your own incapabilities. The video DOES mention paranoid schizophrenia "Improving care for america's paranoid schizophrenics". Its a joke video clearly not meant to take seriously...
@Srithor sorry to burst your ego bubble but literally the whole video it displays a box saying 'America's Paranoid Schizophrenics'. The main part is them being paranoid, but it's upgraded by adding schizophrenia
Srithor if I may ask, you claim to be a professional no? If that’s the case may I ask why you said they confused a neurological disorder with a plausible symptom of said disorder? I’m kind of confused why you felt the need to state that if the point of the joke is that they would be exasperating the joke. I’m currently studding neuroscience and would just like a clarification on that point since that seems like and important thing to note. Since you seem to be knowledgeable in the field I would love it if you could explain this. I could see it as a confusion between just general paranoia versus paranoid schizophrenia as what you were stating to be the confusion. But that wouldn’t make sense considering they were hinting at symptoms that would not be apart of some sort of general paranoia disorder and would be more inline with schizophrenia. Thanks in advance and I hope to hear back from you soon! :)
Srithor can I ask why symptom is in air quotes? It seems like you are not disputing the fact that it’s a symptom which is what it sounded like from some of your arguments. Also this video doesn’t seem to be attempting to inform the public on the nature of schizophrenia, just kind of act as a nod to those who know about the discorder at least vaguely? Not only that any of the things taken at face value from this video would exasperate the paranoia symptoms that such people would have if actually implemented no? It would seem kind of weird to take this all at face value wouldn’t it? Or am I crazy to think that? If I ever do work in this kind of stuff I would like to know what would be an appropriate way to show case this disorder. If this is truly inappropriate I would appreciate it if you could let me know in fair detail on how to present this. It is a fascinating disorder and I would love to be able to do the topic justice if I ever have the need to. Once again thank you in advance!
Why is the onion so damn good at writing around serious conditions, while keeping it realistic, not offensive to those with the condition and hilarious to all? Their channel from 8-12 years ago is absolute gold, their writers need oscars
@@___meph___4547 because there’s been people that were ruled as a suicide with two gunshot wounds to the head, which is obviously not possible if you shot yourself
Installing multiple voice devices in their ears to hear different voices just so that they know it's a team effort is a brilliant idea. Till now I had to speak in different voices myself to help my schizophrenic ex partner but now I know he is in safe hands.
IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS
That’s right, literally everyone you pass by in your daily life is looking out for you! Many are also coordinating their…help. They want what’s best for you. We all want what’s best for you. Comply with our help. Let us help. You need our help.
I'm schizophrenic and it is so wonderful to know you hear and see the people invading my privacy everywhere I go. I hope the cameras catch them and lock them up.
Well if watching this from a site that everyone knows is a complete joke and parody still freaks you out.... Well then you need more than just medicine....
Imagine watching it as a PS and it changing your whole world view and making you think that actually all the things you're seeing are part of a genuine support network trying to help you.
We should organize supportive "gang helping" communities over the internet to carefully plan who schizophrenics get to interact with during the day. When the schizophrenic is present, we can use special hand signals and secret words to coordinate each other, as to not distract the schizophrenic from his activities.
@Alpha I'm epileptic and some of the meds I take also work as bipolar medications. Without them I'd be kaput. Not all meds are bad, it just depends on the severity of the situation. Believe me, I've tried every natural remedy out there and worked with everyone from certified nutritionists to naturopaths and nothing comes close to being as effective as pharmaceutical drugs. I supplement with a healthy keto diet that's proven to help epileptics, but believe me when I say my meds are a GOOD thing. In general, though, America is overmedicated, I agree.
Wow, this is great; my stunt of living in the sewers of a psychiatric ward for the last couple of years is finally getting recognition from the government! I'm so glad I'm not alone in doing this. Every 67 hours I restart a cycle of whispering "I am watching you" seven times every 8 hours through a megaphone so that the entire psychiatric ward rumbles. I think the whispering helps so they know I don't share their caregiver information. I hope they feel better, knowing that if they stumble, I will be there to pick them up.
Did someone call for help? FlatEarthAddy you are correct. Sorry my response time was so slow. The reality being sent to my projected consciousness had me focused on other things
See, this is why I'm for insurance reform. My paranoid grandfather's Medicaid only covers subliminal messages in TV static and infomercials, and all I can do is to go to his house in the dead of the night and scrape my nails against the windows or slam the lights on and off via the outdoor electrical box to show him that he is not alone, and that he has a grandson that loves and cares about him.
@Bangbabangbabangbang Agree, taking away old items and putting new ones similar to the original makes them realize that you both care enought to get new thing and recognize his likeness of the already present design.
I find it very wholesome that these measures are considered to help the schizophrenic people, I use to follow them around their routine and then pretend I'm not when they look at me to make sure they are fine but also to give them space to be themselves. It's very important that they feel a constant hidden presence around them so they know they are not alone.
As a health care professional I can tell you this is spot on! Now they just need to make the patients future visible through normal tv broadcasts 🎉 fuuuu😂😂
The Devil is a liar. What they go into are visions, but what they “hear” about what they see probably isn’t their future. The Devil is confusing and tormenting them. Sometimes with what they see or hear, but more often with how others misguide and treat them. It’s a spiritual issue and an issue of trying to reason through it without scriptures to direct and fight it. Even Jesus had the Devil show him stuff, but he fought it with the truth. Read the gospels with that perspective. That is if you truly care about your patience. I see people get set free. Do you? I’m not being snarky, are you seeing the same results that Deliverance ministers and Biblical counselors see where people go from homeless and out of their mind to productive leaders in society having better than any vision of the future they ever imagined? Like the man in Mark five who knew to run to Jesus after being a cutter he was later found clothed and within his right mind no longer needed if to be chained. It doesn’t matter what position you hold working with those who are deemed mentally ill, shift your own mind and how you see them, see them as God sees them and learn how to talk to and pray for them. They are actually seeing stuff they just don’t know why or where it’s coming from, and they don’t know how to get it to stop, some of these people opened the doorway to that stuff through New Age meditation, messing with the occult, or most common they literally invite in a demon through prayer trying to run away from a trauma and not realizing it’s not God they are calling on as they make deals that have to be broken. I’m not saying that chemical imbalances do not exist, sometimes the problem is drugs, physical, or nutritional issues instead or in addition, but to be “crazy” is to know the truth and reject it that thinking other less spiritual options could work out just as well, that’s crazy. Sadly, medicated people too horrible crimes, I’m not even sure if we can say it’s a band-Aid as they “act normal” (emotionless) but the core issues remain. People need the truth of the Lord and to humbly submit to him as being their custom solutions and the only way.
A little consideration and a whole lot of watchfulness can go a long way to putting the minds of these people at rest, and convincing them that in so many ways they are included and. They can be assured that expression of identity won't go un-notice. And also, fabulous reporting Onion, and what a fantastic panel you have here to provide both diverse and qualified opinions in relation to this topic and so many more newsworthy topics. Again, another fine example of a news and opinion media outfit that can show the world how much people care. Thanks a lot, this has really brightened my day and given me reassurance that those schitzo folk will always have a place in our community.
I am a paranoid schizophrenic and am greatly relieved to find out it's been a "team effort" all along. I used to worry that I had good luck or God was watching out for me or something. I guess all those daily rituals and prayers were for nothing. Also, I always knew they were hiding shit in the tattoos.
"I read in a medical journal recently that a number of doctors have put microscopic tracking devices under the skin of schizophrenics which is a great way to make sure they don't get lost." pure genius
People hearing in the spiritual realm aren’t crazy, people listening to the demons who claim to love them or give them power while they tell them to do harmful things, that’s another story. Scripture says Satan is the father of lies who comes to steal kill and destroy, people need to stop putting their faith in him. People coming to Christ and being delivered from the voices or even possession that was beyond their ability to control or be controlled with meds is a real thing, how you want to define how it works, it doesn’t matter how it works, it matters that true and “genuine” acceptance of what Jesus did on the cross does work. By his Isaiah 53 stripes we are healed. See the gospels, start in Matthew, Mark, or John.
@@AverageAlienPeople are addicted to saying their illnesses and diagnostics on the internet, like what do they expect from this? I don't know, is not very difficult keep it to yourself, everyone has problems...
Jesus christ as someone who works with paranoid schizophrenics this is hilariously accurate to the common delusions, this is officially my favourite video ever
@@staringatchairs7844 it isn't making fun of schizophrenics, it's mocking people who don't have schizophrenia but believe the government is constantly tracking and surveilling them. The humor is that they list out these things commonly said by your average libertarian Facebook user and compare it to a disease as serious as schizophrenia. The onion doesn't just pick on people with mental illness
@Wise Acres Not even remotely the same, you can take your edgy atheism somewhere else lmao. And people with schizophrenia can have religious delusions but that doesn't mean anybody who is religious is experiencing psychosis, it's a faith.
Bigtoe the only real part is the doctors injecting recorders on patients and updating the system through medicine, trust me I’m a doctor 🥼 just to study them and then give the information to the government so they can find out how to control them and use them in favor of society, nothing dark, just good intentions!
The thing about these kinds of a delusions is that even if the rational part of you recognizes that it might be a little ridiculous for some reason the "feeling" doesn't go away, and the thoughts persist.
@@bryanmejia3498 You're 100% right, some of my delusions were literally impossible but still to this day there's a small part of me that thinks they're real. It really throws your sense of intuition and instinct off
I’m friends with a few schizophrenic people. And honestly it’s exhausting hanging out with them. I was on a big kick of “don’t let them tell you you’re sick” but it’s a definite illness, and I feel sorry for the constant mental torture, confusion, and oppression many of these people live with
“don’t let them tell you you’re sick” might not be the answer but i feel like you got the spirit right as in "don't let an illness stop you from being a whole person"
@@MFonEarthmy friends did the same the losers. And i had no “episode” i dont have mental illness either. I was part of the occult for a time and it really messed me up, my faith in Christ saved me. Unfortunately our society is too stupid to understand spiritual problems like that, opting to reduce it to mental illness at times.
What's so bad about being sick tho? Like it helps you to get recognized and be able to live to the best of your abilities managing your symptoms. That's it, you're still human, still the same person. You are sick but that is fine why is there such shame in this? the shame you create yourself, don't let it get you down, you have to accept it, not deny it.
@@jakeschwartz2514 oh this is rich, sure its just a mindset religion issue, even though there are plenty of people religious andd non religious who have schizophrenia so thath makes no sense. And also do you have the slightest idea of how medical science works? do you have a bachelor of science? bc more than 100 years of medical acedemical science would not agree with you. I'm happy it worked for you, but saying society is stupid for correctly recognizing "unwantend mental abnormalities which negatively affects someone's ability to live" is something whe might help with. But I bet you never read a single research paper rct, or systematic review. Do you have abachelor in science? medical ofcourse, if not, please go away and spread your misinformation somewhere else, you are actively hurting people with real mental problems who want help, what you think we laugh at you at the clinics and wards? we all put our passion into our work and it shows so its frustrating to see someone, most likely unedicated in this topic, proclaim its all society based. Like how about you back that up with some facts hm? science sure can, but I doubt you can, also the occult doesnt make you crazy, its literally just make believe, something children would believe, please gr ow up
i have schizophrenia and this is one of the funniest things ive seen about it. i'm normally way sensitive about my illness and the "delusions" i have are no joke (i only call them delusions bc its easier) especially about surveillance. this is just so funny tho. def dont wanna watch while im unmedicated but good job
@@rum-ham "thoughts and beliefs i have that only i experience the effects of and know are 100% true" doesn't roll off the tongue quite so easily so delusions it is
@@acenewgate4039 I see. Question: How could they be true/real if you're the only one who experiences them? I have had issues with paranoia about surveillance myself and I try to ask lots of questions to myself like this. I find that it helps me realize that's it's probably not true.
@@rum-ham the reasoning is kinda more than i wanna say on a public forum where ppl are joking about this kind of thing, but i'll say a schizophrenic's mind can take incredible twists and turns to make a "delusion" "work" if that makes any sense.
Remember kids, even if a person refuses your help, you can always give them some confident reassurance that you’ll be coming back to get them (again, in reference to help). Best to show your determination by giving example scenarios that you will gladly overcome, and make sure to never break eye contact because it would be rude.
I'm schizophrenic or at least, I was diagnosed and now its changed to bipolar 1 with some sort of psychotic features. Anyway, Ive been in a help group for my condition, and this skit, is so well informed, so well written, and even for its time, its amazingly insightful on just how many different delusions and things exist, this feeling of being watched by cameras, is one I have to walk people through once in a while for people, that come on, and desperately feel this and need some sort of voice to tell them that they can relax, and be at peace with themselves in public, in my discussions with people a fair few of these very specific delusions come up.
So schizophrenia is basically people that are so aware of self, that they can sense that they are being watched but can't prove it. Also they hear whisper's within the words?
So the newscaster and the people with the expertise he invited to bring this so obvious and yet value proposition, which concluded since start, strong on the way to a nice undebatle hive mind, followed rethoric. Very nice to see the news, and their is no discussion and you feel so nice at the end, nothing to learn but that these people brought their expertise we all could value.
@1:02 "A recorded voice on a loop saying, everyone around you wants to get you. . .in reference to help". That pregnant pause and a deadpan delivery. Classic Onion! 😃
I know this is a joke, but it's very close to what the robotic government squirrel that greets me on my way to work every morning told me too. Just sayin'.
@@cynthiaholland13 thanks! Yeah it’s managed nowadays. I haven’t been put in a hospital for over 7 years and I have God in my life now too, which has helped me quite a lot.
Funny video but man, I’m truly sending out love and support to those with schizophrenia. It must be difficult to deal with, along with the stigmas and stereotypes. Best wishes to you all.
As a schizophrenic, thank you. Now when the demon under the street lamp finally tries to wear my skin and blend into society, the feds will know it's not me
I remember seeing this video during a legit psychotic break and honestly thought I had schizophrenia. I still might, but at the same time, now that the whole ordeal is over, I'm not so sure. Still in the condition that created the break, but I think I've snapped back to reality. Not fun.
More phrases they should say in the Ear Speakers: “We want you”. This is in reference to them being in our lives. “We know what’s going to happen”. We know that we’re going to help them with their mental state. “We’re here for you. Basically in your house”. Because THATS how devoted we are to helping them.
I think such a message is necessary: "We will always be here. Nothing can get rid of us." It's important to anyone being treated for mental health that they know their caregivers are present and not going to leave or give up on them. I think that message of constancy needs to be sent to underline the fact that anywhere they go there will be someone watching for them. Regardless of where it is, whether it be their bedroom at night, the woods outside the city, or even in abandoned infrastructure they may seek shelter in.
I find it annoying that when I give a schizophrenic a friendly stare at the coffee shop while my FBI friend secretly places a GPS tracker on their car they have this look like they are uncomfortable and I'm "suspicious".
I hate when my schizophrenic next door neighbor complains about me whispering "you won't be alone much longer" through my shower wall. I do it so he knows that I'll always be there for him. Ungrateful.
I have mild schizophrenia and find this very amusing. However, I’m also reminded that while detained in a psychiatric unit, Having nurses check in on me every 5 minutes and scribbling notes and reviewing my day to day didn’t really help
My friend is schizophrenic and I love to help her out. Whenever she feels paranoid or delusional I make sure to scream loudly (I hide in her fiberglass) so she knows she isn't alone. Another accommodation I like to make is to act insane, so when she tells someone what she saw no one believes her. That way, she always has something to think about instead of being paranoid. You guys are doing god's work.
@@FrancisR420 the government has even admitted to doing it themselves, funny how people would rather pretend all the surveillance going on is not real and let the mass spying happen
@NSA It's not, Opfart was real and it used torture to stop farts from emissioning from buttholes and it canceled our right to fart by spreading propaganda against it.
As a schizophrenic I hate to say that this is the best representation of the symptoms I have seen yet. The only difference for me is that I often feel like there are bugs in my ears and throat and I feel like someone’s biting me sometimes.
One of the best things our governments have done for these people is letting the homeless shelter in the walls of their homes, allowing them to never feel lonely at any given time, while not interfering with their day-to-day lives and at the same time giving the homeless a place to stay
@@marcroberts4814 what in gods name are you talking about. If you’re personality is identical to how you are inside your head then I don’t want to interact with you at all lol
What's it like knowing you're schizophrenic? I have a family member who became schizophrenic later in life and I can't help but feel like if she realized she was schizophrenic life would be a lot better for her.
There's a guy i know that has it bad and full believes his delusions, thinks his got a mind control device in hes brain the works. Its untreated and idk if he knows he has it but its hard to tell him because he's really unpredictable and addicted to meth. Hes been getting worse over the years its sad cant have a logical conversation that makes sense with him anymore. I use to work with him he was always out there but got along with him most of the time mentioned the mind control stuff every now and again but now its like hes fixated on hes delusions and he dosent make sense anymore
schizophrenia is no joke unless its happening before your eyes, or on tv or whatever. its basically always funny. one of my schizophrenic friends thought his banker was following him so he walked into the bank upto the teller (off his meds of course) and handed her a note that read "if you dont stop it i'm going to kill you". he is the most gentle man, and the teller didnt know that he believed she was following him all over the place all the time. it might have been an odd situation but holy shit was it funny
I am a medical student finishing up a 3 month rotation in a Psych ward. I laughed so hard bc these are exactly the symptoms and things schizo-paranoid patients talk about!
I met a guy in the psych ward who thought President Obama was monitoring him through the cameras in the unit, and sending magazine advertisements to the hospital to communicate his future blessings. He thought Obama was going to get him a new car. He let me read some of the letters that he was writing and holding up to the camera. It was like a letter to Santa. In his eyes, the world was conspiring in his favor. He seemed happy.
Eye contact is also a way of letting people know you care about them. If everyone in the community could organize to stare at them whenever they are around, it would let them know they are supported. But, prolonged eye contact can be a little intimidating, so its important to break the eye contact as soon as they look back. This way we can ensure the greatest level of comfort.
The irony of this video isn't just that they get a mass of common symptoms completely correct, it's that the completely oblivious "let's help them by doing this" attitude is exactly what exacerbates the stress-induced symptoms. Our culture didn't invent mental illness categories because they were objectively correct; we invented them because the institutions we built predisposed the people living in them to specific problems.
Not sure that that follows dude ... Certain indigenous cultures in South America have individuals with what we'd call mental health issues as well, but wherein they occur in "institutionless" societies ... Mental health problems are correlated with neurological and other physical/structural (as well as chemical) anomalies, not social structures and institutions, heh. Yes, a "crazy" environment can maybe make things worse for someone, but suggesting that such an environment is the sole cause of mental illness is reductive and false. You might be interested in a book entitled "Suspicious Minds" by Jay and Ian Gold (PhDs in Philosophy and Psychology, IIRC). They discuss this topic you seem interested in at length, including the disparate conceptions or taxonomies of mental states.
They forgot to recruit FBI agents who will pretend to be their significant others (spouse, child, parents) who will monitor them and report to government agencies (to help with their mental health, ofc). And what about medicated food?
As a schizophrenic, this is absolutely hilarious lol and the symptoms and conditions are actually completely accurate which makes this even funnier. i love this
