Is the Person You’re Dating a Narcissist? 

I am doing this NOW. I went radical acceptance, I lived homeless for 8 months in my mini van, finished my Advanced Paralegal Certificate with honors and graduated just 3 weeks ago. I bought a trailer and I am putting it on a spot on the 1st, just in time for winter. I AM MAKING IT!!!

“If you stay it’s gonna be incredibly difficult. If you leave it’s gonna be incredibly difficult. But one of those paths has guaranteed misery. And one of them opens up a world of possibility in terms of your happiness. Which difficulty are you gonna choose.” That's what I thought too. Thank you😇

1. assume this person will never change 2. Too much empathy can be dangerous. Don't try to understand their situation and analyze their childhood all the time. Don't endure everything. At some point, empathy has to hit the floor 3. Do not allow your empathy to become the cover of your fear 4. We have to be willing to light the fuse that blows up our own lives. I'm accepting who I am and resetting my image. Accepting who you are is progress. Happiness comes from progress. 5.when you begin to freak out about making this tough choice in your life, your mind will trick you into thinking the status quo isn't so bad 6. you have to connect with the idea that if you remain where you are, you will never be happy and never at peace 7. realize that both paths will be terribly difficult, but only one of them leaves a possibility of your future happiness

“If you stay it’s gonna be incredibly difficult. If you leave it’s gonna be incredibly difficult. But one of those paths has guaranteed misery. And one of them opens up a world of possibility in terms of your happiness. Which difficulty are you gonna choose.” 👌👏🙌🏻❤️❤️❤️ Brilliant, thank you🙏

I kept myself a prisoner in a toxic relationship until he hurt me so badly emotionally that I was forced to leave. He thought I wouldn't because of how many times I allowed it to continue in the past. This video gave me so much peace in knowing I did the right thing and life can still go on. It's not too late. And I hope if you are going through it, you find the courage to leave.

❤to anyone who is healing from narcissist people I wish you all the power you need to grow to an even stronger version of you💪🏻

I look at my toxic Narcassist as a gift of the biggest lesson of my life of self-awareness! 🙏🏽💗🙏🏿

I finally woke up and took off the rose colored classes and left after 12 years with a narc.

“trade my empathy for distant compassion” best line in this video 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

She was nearly perfect. Style, same life goals and interests, my perfect body time preference, our large dogs even loved each other. She checked every box. We even developed our relationship equally. She would say she likes something and I would like it too but never said it so I knew it wasn’t some manipulation. It was genuinely perfect. I gave my time, energy, money, and love. Then after a time She followed the classic formula for a covert narcissist. Saying things like “things will be better after this.” Then there was always something that come up as a excuse for why she wasn’t putting in the effort she used to, not being as sexual, not being as energized or excited to do things together. All the while justifying her lack of effort, but still expected the same level of effort from me. I struggled setting my own boundaries and we ended up in and off and on again relationship. She would do something disrespectful, I’d say it hurt me, her ego would get bruised, and it would spiral into a breakup. I’ve finally left for good after she lied about going to a party, didn’t invite me because she didn’t want to deal with the drama of telling her friends we were back together, and then was completely unapologetic about how that was disrespectful to me. During that conversation I saw the real her. Gaslighting, silent rage, apathy. Absolutely zero regret. I have blocked her on everything and am dealing with the rollercoaster of “maybe I was wrong” and “I was right to leave” Videos like these always come at the perfect time. Thank you. Update: Turns out, she was seeing her ex. New lesson, if their ex is still around, leave and don’t look back.

As a therapist and someone who went through all these stages personally, I have to say this video is the most important I’ve seen on the subject of how and why to leave, even though it is a brutal process. Thank you.

I finally got out when I realized that I couldn’t live this way 5-10-15 years down the road. Getting out was so hard. Many sleepless nights and lots of tears. But 3 months out and I can feel the life coming back into my eyes. It’s worth getting out. I promise.

4:12 'Too much empathy can become dangerous and can be weaponized against you.' "People who are narcissists are attracted to people with extraordinary empathy." If there was a way to mark a video with highlighter, this is the spot I'd do it. What I would give to go back in time and know this!

There is nothing more heartbreaking than by spending years in a relationship with a narcissist only to fall for a covert narcissist. I don’t even know what love is at this point.

Took a long time to break free. All the understanding, compassion, empathy, loyalty and love cannot change these people. They will always be toxic

As someone who was with a narcissist for 36 years I can tell you that you will go through all of the stages Matthew gives. I did. Every single one. I have been on my own now for 3 years. I can say without a doubt leaving was the best decision I could have ever made. I am content. I have peace and joy in my life now that I never had. I have total control over what I do, what I spend my money on and who I spend my time with. I only wish I had been able to leave sooner. If you are with a narcissist in a romantic relationship, get out before you waste any more precious time. You won't regret leaving. You will regret that you stayed.

Excellent video Matthew. Cuts to the core. After a 38 year relationship I was looking down an abyss while having a panic attack. All these years thinking kids will grow up, we’ll retire, things will be better. Then to accept the reality of nothing was going to change. I had to scream in the car where no one could hear me. He wasn’t going to change. I would still be in service to him while he did as he pleased. Sometimes I was included and sometimes not. Some good memories but more bad. The endless lying, the mind games, the manipulation. I didn’t deserve it. But being alone isn’t what I thought my future would be. I confronted him and his response “You can’t end a 38 year relationship! We have to help each other!” I was the one helping him. He wasn’t there for me. I made the painful choice of removing him from my home while he was out of town. I cut off all communication. As hard and emotional as it was I had to end it. To stay with him would mean I would still be in service to him. I was such a loyal, Care giving, empathic person. Exactly what he wanted. For what ever time I have left….. I chose me.

My divorce became final last week after 20 years of marriage and a further 6-year legal battle with a narcissist. I have watched many videos on this topic which literally saved my life after my ex discarded me on our wedding anniversary. But like you so eloquently summarized in this video Matthew, we all have a choice to make…to simply stay alive or to truly live. I chose the latter…but I’ll be honest, at the start, it was for my children - not for me. But now, whilst I am alone - with no partner, no close family and no friends who stayed by my side - I am truly at peace and content with the life I am living for the first time. That is the power of courage and self love that you gain as we traverse this bumpy, arduous yet wonderful journey called life. I like to call pain the cost of my life education - some lessons are damn hard and can almost break you. But when you have that “aha” moment, you really do feel infinite and grateful for all the cuts and bruises.

I'm not in a relationship with a narcissist. I'm not in a relationship at all. Yet, I gained so much by watching this video. It's a reminder always to have my greatest well-being at heart. Thank you, Matthew.

I found myself smiling at strangers at the grocery store & they smiled back❣️no pouting no shouting

I learned a lot after being with a narcissist. It was a horrible, and crazy painful time, but while I got over it, I learned so much about myself and the patterns I used to gravitate towards that I now manage to avoid these traps.

This is excellent. I'm 9 months out of a relationship with a narcissist who was cheating on me and dumped me viciously when I found out, blamed me for being too sad about my mother passing away, told all our friends I was depressed...it was such a confusing time...I saw none of this coming and it turned my world upside down. These steps are what my healing process have been. Thank you for sharing this. It's confusing, hard, and disorienting, but healing and strength are on the other side.

Matthew, there was a time when I was constantly looking for ways to remove myself from a toxic relationship with a narcissist. Your encouraging words helped me so much. I kept listening to them and taught myself how to put myself first. Eventually, it pulled me from those dark times and now I have a beautiful relationship with a great partner. Thank you so much. Keep inspiring women like this. Watching this video made me look back to those awfully lonely years i spent stuck and the behaviours I tolerated. I'm in a much better place thanks to you.

EVERY word in this post is like it was written for me. Three months before my 50th anniversary, this came to me: "he will never be what I need, he doesn't have the ability" Yes, it is terribly difficult but at least I am not setting myself up to be stabbed in the heart again and again. I got married quite young and didn't even know what a narcissist was. Now, I do.

‘Both paths will be terribly difficult but only one of them leaves a possibility of your future happiness’ This video comes to me at the perfect time Im such an empath I hadn’t even realised he was a narcissist 😔 You give me strength Matthew 💕

I was arranged married to a narcissist for 21 years .. separated and divorced for 3 years .. he is a principal solicitor of a law firm and I fought him hard and tight and won .. so all the best to who is fighting for peace.. it’s possible.. I made it happen., it was hard .. but was worth it

They want to be needed, but rarely come through. It’s so hurtful. You are so correct!! Thank you.

" We have to be willi]ng to light the fuse that blows up our own life " This spoke to me so loud, I just filed for divorce last week after 21 years of marriage, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was so CO dependent, and had so much empathy, I didn't realize I was married to a narcissist and I was being abused. Thank you for this video.

PREACH my man! I know this advice is typically for women, but it’s just as true for a man. It will be one year ago tomorrow that I ended up in the Emergency Room on life support from being engaging to a narcissistic/psychopathic woman. I DID NOT believe there was a future beyond her. One year later, there’s still a bit of pain there, but there’s also so much more healing, and reclaiming of my own life. For some of you still stuck in that situation....I know it can feel absolutely and unbearably possible to go on, but I promise you that there will be a tomorrow. And when you have the chance to spend a little time with yourself, learning about what YOU want for a change, and if you follow that path...you too will look back in a year and say thank God I survived that. I truly didn’t believe I’d make it out alive, or that it was even worth it to do so, but it can be, and it is.

This quote has stuck in my mind for years now; "You can make yourself miserable or you can make yourself strong, either way the amount of work is the same". It's been a mantra for me and one that has stood me in pretty good stead.

The timing of this video is perfect. When I was with my ex, I was lieda lot to and he made me think I'm the problematic one when he was the one that causwd me those issues. My energy was so low and I constantly paranoid and it was just an awful few months. When he broke up with me, I felt relieved that he's not gonna make me miserable anymore. After almost 2 months, he is now trying to crawl back into my life, saying he misses me while in reality he's on tinder. Nope nope nope nope never again.

I spent 20yrs of my life with a narcissist. I was broken when I finally realised. It took a lot of strength to leave with a lot of support but it was the best thing I ever did. A narc will never change, they’re too wounded to change! Yes, he deviated everything 7yrs for about 3 months at a time and always went back to their default. My empathic tendencies were weaponised against me. I was codependent which is a red rag to a bill for the narcissist. Codependency and narcissism are two coins of the same coin. Ooh guilt was a massive weapon! Oh boy, my empathy really did become the cover for my fear. I was terrified of leaving with nothing and having to start again, but two years out it was worth it. Lighting that fuse was difficult but I realised I was lonely for years in my marriage! Love your financial analogy! Yes, my mind tried to protect me from more pain by trying to convince me to stay in the familiar pain. Connecting with the idea of moving on was the key moment that gave me the strength to move forward. Freedom was my end goal. I’m 2yrs out and yeah, a lot if my fears came through, but I’m so much better out of it. I’ve grown and although I’m not in a relationship I’m less lonely than I was in my marriage. I strongly recommend getting the support you need to get out.

I just…left. I raised his children. He & his ex wife were clinical narcissists. I stayed for the poor kiddos as long as I could. Far beyond what I should have. It has been 8 yrs & I still have not fully recovered from the psychological dmg. Thank you for addressing this topic. It is more common than people realize. Even “narcissistic traits” which are more common than the full blown narcissist can be so damaging, especially when they tend to seek a polar opposite. I hope someday the children understand & can thrive after such a sadistic & damaging world. I did the best I could…but cannot blame myself nor live in that past forever. It can take a soul-etching blow on existence, that is certain.

I just left the narc who had a hold on me the last 4 years. I’ve met someone who makes me feel good about myself and appreciated. ❤

Thanks for this video. It’s so sad how long we stay in relationships out of guilt or fear. To those of us who need to start again: we can do it!

Oh my god Matthew.......everything you say is so accurate and true....and painful....I'm sitting here listening to your video and crying....Yes...I'm 48, I have been married for 20 years and I have done everything for our relationship including "abusing" my empathy exactly as you mentioned...and I have to do all of the things you just said...and I am so scared.....scared that I can't do it anymore....I'm afraid to start all over again ( but I'm working on it )...I'm afraid that my three children will never forgive me....But I will play your video over and over and again because it gives me the strength and courage to try....Thank you for all you do for all people on the planet...may I ever be able to repay you....with love and gratitude...Romana

Watch the full video for more explanation: 1) Assume this person will never change 1:34 2) Too much empathy can become dangerous and can be weaponized against you. 4:04 3) Do not allow your empathy to becytge cover for your fear. 9:07 4) We have to be willing to light the fuse that blows up our own life. 10:10 5) When you begin to freak out about making this tough choice in your life, you mind will trick you into thinking the status quo isn't so bad. 12:44 6) You have to connect with the idea that if you remain where you are, you will never be happy and you will never be at peace. 14:00 7) Realize that both paths will be terribly difficult, but only one of them leaves a possibility of your future happiness. 15:20

This is exactly what kept me stuck for so long. Being overly empathic and the fear of blowing up mine and my children’s lives. Now I’m an overly jealous, untrusting person sabotaging every new relationship. @Mathew Hussey can you please do a video on dating after a narcissist? Some of us are 20, 30+ years into this mess and feeling hopeless

Literally crying at how hard this hits.

So insanely sad. I just got away from him not long ago. The other day I mistakingly answered the phone just to be hurt yet again by him.I am still dealing with the trauma bond and the cognitive dissonance. So so sad that they will never be able to attach or have fulfilling and meaningful friendships and relationships. It's even sadder to have to give up to save yourself. The damage that they do and destruction that they cause is heartbreaking. They will never change.

Had a very toxic relationship with a narcissist and he has destroyed my self-confidence and self-worth. I feel like I am a completely different person after him. I wish I saw this video years ago and just got out before it got too late. I miss my old authentic beautiful self every day..

Omg I just got chills when u said how I showed range of emotions with no change... exactly... I tried so hard for 5 weeks n nothing was getting through this man... I ended up in tears n my blood pressure was so high from stress that I fainted last week. He knows that n yet, he blew up at me on the phone n hung up. I cried for the last damn time. I'm there to pick up rest of my stuff n will never see that selfish jerk again!!!

You have no idea the timing of this video…. Thank you. Trauma bonds are no joke. I’m baffled by the things I’ve tolerated.

How to react in a relationship with a narcissist? -- cut them off and move on, there’s no hope if you stay in where you are.

So true! I finally left my narcissistic exhusband after 8 years. But people, be prepared that they might try to make your life difficult when you leave. My ex turned so nasty with lies and manipulation, he was granted custody of our child. It was incredibly tough but I survived and years later my son moved to me. Now I have a great job and a peacful, fulfilled life! Only God knows what kind of miserable person I'd be if I was still with this narcissist.

I am man, and I'm going through the situation mentioned on the video. What impresses me is that this man seems to be so precise about every little thing he's saying that it is almost like he is describing the whole relationship that I had with this girl I broke up with. I'm going through a lot of pain, but I know deep down I did the right thing. And this video is helping me a lot to go through it and also to understand what's happening in the stage I'm in. I hope that anyone that is going through the same situation, heal up fast and be fine soon. Cos it's a lot of pain.

Left a 24 year marriage . Hardest thing I ever had to do . No contact is the best medicine for your peace . What they want is a reaction from you , good or bad . Their reality is not the same as ours .Great video ❤️

WOW!! I hope this video goes viral so those in narnsassistic relationship can be set free. This is not talked about enough. I was in a relationship for nearly three years and it nearly completely destroyed me and my mental health. I am 3 months out of it and feel so much freer and happier even though the breakup was the worst thing I've ever been through. I wish this video was around 2 years ago because I was truly blind to it. I really hope this helps to many others. God bless you Matt 🙏🏻

Exceptionally well positioned and explained! As a psychotherapist, I am so glad to see such materials

This was me 100% . Invested 5 years in a relationship with a covert narcissist. It started out great, the love bombing, soul mate, ❤️ great times, but there were signs that l ignored, that became worse & worse. I stayed because was petrified of being alone. I thought this was my last chance at love. I was miserable. I was with him, but l felt alone & lost. My self esteem was in the garbage. It had to end , but l kept making excuses for his bad behavior.

Greatest I would say..omg I spoiled my life with such narcissist person..may God give me courage to get out of this trap... 🙏 Thanks for awakening words...

I just love that last point. Both paths are difficult but only one opens up the possibility to a life of happiness.

Its easy to deal with narcissist when your feelings are not deep and when you know someone is playing mindgames with you. I only stayed short term and when we were suppose to meet up, I cancelled deliberately our meeting just 2 min before in order to waste his time and to make him unimportant : ))and gave the most nonsense excuse and then moved on

I'm listening to this months after leaving and getting over a terrible guy. Everything is 100% accurate. I only wish I left sooner. Life is pretty perfect now. I didn't jump into a new relationship. Actually, it was my spite which motivated me to advance and succeed in several artistic endeavors, and that distracted me long enough to get over the emotional pain. I'm back to my happy self and learned so much that I will never be swayed by that type of guy. I chose to be empathic to myself instead. Because I'm strong, I endured too much, but from now on I'm using my strength to protect myself and my heart.

My struggle for sure was seeing him try to change and he would catch himself sometimes and I was really proud, he's in therapy, working on himself spiritually and I know I'm the only person he's really opened up to so I just feel like I'd be leaving a child that needs help. I know it's not my job to help him and be there for him but yes that's my biggest struggle in keeping with my word on staying away 🤦‍♀️ it's a constant struggle.

This is the best video with actionable steps to leaving a relationship with a narcissist. I’ll be watching this everyday until I get her out of my system. A lot of times we’re asked to do no contact in this situation, but we in our shoes would often justify it with our empathy or at least our idea of empathy. Your video really spoke to me and made me feel hope at the end of the tunnel. I can’t believe it’s been 3 years of empty promises (and accusations that I’ve been unreasonable), and I still believe her.

This is what you called healing from narcissistic abuse and rebirth 🙏♥️

Even though I'm 100% sure I would NOT have listened to this advice when I needed to end a former relationship, this advice makes me smile because it's 100% true!

Searing truth is always difficult but much needed. Thank you.

You don’t keep driving the car in the wrong direction just because you have been on that path for so long. You’d never get to your desired destination.

I just literally chose the difficult path of breaking up with my gf yesterday. She was unhappy with things that had happened before I met her as well as unhappy with her career and continued to project them on me. She did this by having rage fits ever 6 weeks or so and literally tearing me, my family and my job down. It happened on Sunday again and in that instant I knew what I had to do. I woke up this morning sad but so damn relieved. In my younger days I would have let this drag on for years , but with age comes a little bit of wisdom and knowing this is no way to live.

Thank you for this video. You know, I've been with a narcissistic for 2 years. I'm at the point of near suicidal. Yes, it was that bad. On our family, on my work. Thank you. I felt guilty even to walk away. You understand the struggle.

I have kept myself stuck in an on again/off again relationship for the last ten years. I realized that I kept going back and allowing the person in my life because of a lack of self-confidence and need of approval from the individual. All the steps you described are exactly what I’ve been going through. I finally very recently have reached the last step and have decided that yes, both paths are tough, but starting over again will allow a chance to be happier. I have at long last let the old relationship go and I do not feel the heavy sadness that I usually feel. Thank you for this excellent video, Matthew! You always address things so clearly and spot on. Your videos have helped me get to this realization with myself.

This is so on point..... I needed to hear this out loud Today to process what my Spirit has known for far too long.

I'm going through a divorce at the minute and I wish I had found your videos a long time ago, this one particularly hit a cord with me. The difficult road to happiness takes courage.

I love that you mentioned Dr. Ramani -- my friends and I found her videos on narcissism (especially about having a narcissist parent) to be very helpful in recognizing narcissistic signs and getting concrete advice on next steps.

This is the best video I've ever seen on the truths of a bad relationship/ leaving a bad relationship It talks about narcissism specifically but most of what you say can apply to any unhappy relationships, even if the other worsen isn't a narcissist. Anyone watching this who is in a bad relationship should pay very close attention to when he says "you have to be willing to light the fuse that blows up your own life" It couldn't be more true. I once heard someone talk about how people in hopeless and miserable relationships often wish the other person would die. Not because they hate them, but because ending a relationship is in many ways causing a death to occur. You kill part of yourself, part of your partner, and you have to be reborn in a sense, completely disillusioned and alone and scared and angry and sad. And the person who once gave you their hand and body and mind in trying times is gone. It's just you now. You have to save your own life, and part of doing so is causing a death. And many people cannot cause that death. So they stay, but they wish the person would just die. It is one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced that you can go through. Lighting the fuse, causing the death. What he says is true, though: Staying or going are both paths full of fire, blood, and agony, but only one of those paths will take you to freedom and an incredibly happier life. You have to be willing to kill part of yourself to move on You have to be willing to light the fuse that blows up your own life

This video has helped me reaffirm my decision about leaving my partner. I have realized that lately I have been more alone than with him and life has been very good. I guess my biggest obstacle was to feel alone but to be with someone that does not care about your needs and does not give you the time feels even worse than being alone.

A very real video Matthew, thank you. I lived with a narcissist for 34 years. I finally left when I realised that if a young woman came to me and described the treatment I was enduring I would have advised her to 'Get out'. I had to leave my lovely house and my wonderful neighbourhood but I have kept the real friends and moved to a wonderful new place and made new friends and am rekindling my strong sense of self. My advice to anyone in this situation is 'don't wait'.

Brilliant video. I haven't been with narcissists but I've been in the wrong relationships suffering a lot and I went through all these phases thinking I was a good partner by understanding, forgiving and fighting for a person who wasn't for me

Exactly those thoughts came across my mind but I didn’t settle with status quo and separated from a relationship of 22 years at age 51. I am working very hard every day to give myself what I deserve. Thank you!

This describes her so perfectly. She gaslit me, and once she saw me happy on my own, surrounded by people who cared, the second she saw my get a whiff of independence as I saw her for who she really was, she left me. And then turned it around and tried to say it was my fault. I realized I'm codependent and she's an addict. So I'm doing the work on myself so that next time I see the red flags, I can get out sooner.

I love dr Ramani, she opened my eyes. And you're right on point. Empathy is your downfall dealing with narcisists. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas! 🤗

Matthew.... Just thank you. Out of a so toxic relationship, it feels so reassuring we're not alone. Still in the grief of such a disapointment but can already see how many beautiful people are around and how life is full of hope 🙏 a lot of strengh to all fighting to get out of this heart maze... Make the right call to respect yourself! Don't give up!!

Oh my god, you are so right Matt about these people playing on the fact that your empathetic. I think this is one of the hardest things for some one who is empathetic to come to terms with. Yet, you are right... look at the evidence.

I paused this (sry Matt) to tell u guys when I was like 19-20 my therapist told me I was a mild to moderate narcissist and I decided to change because my actions weren’t aligning with my morals. Years have gone by and I see myself as the same as everyone else and would never want to hurt another. The lack of empathy when I was young was for one demographic - the guys that I would repeatedly reject and tell them they would get hurt if they come any closer. But I never intentionally hurt friends or family or SO’s. Some people can change. Other people who have told me that are narcissists seem like they have a wounded inner child. I have been working hard to heal and clinically do not align with narcissism any longer.

The timing couldn't be more perfect

This is amazing and so perfect. I have just ended a four year relationship just like the one you describe. In fact, I stumbled on your RU-vid videos the day after I decided I couldn't go on. You helped clarify things for me. I am in limbo right now as I can't actually move out of the house we share for a few weeks. The temptation to make excuses comes in waves and it is all I can do to not go there, especially as he is just in the next room. I have been hanging on to that moment of realisation of what my future looks like if I stay in order to keep my resolve. So far so good. Thank you Matthew. Your work is quite extraordinary and so astute. ❤️

I love that you defined the idea that a person is a narcissist or not-- "if you have enough empirical evidence you can assume they will not change". Because that has been quite a conundrum for me. I can't say with 100 percent accuracy that he was a narc as I am not a doctor. So I love this because it cleared up the issue of if he was or if he wasn't a narc. It doesn't matter. If it's not working you gotta do what you gotta do. Happy to have that thought cleared up.

How beautiful! I've been through that kind of relationship and it was really painful to release myself from that, but it was worth it. I'm still single, and it's hard, but I'm glad for being able to allow myself to be truly happy. Thanks! 🙏

You have a gift. Tragically some people need permission to allow themselves to feel that they are deserving. You are making a difference in the lives of so many people you will never meet. I’ve shared a few of your videos with my daughter that have been relevant at different times in her life. I’m hoping one day it will help her feel that she is worthy of love, and that she deserves to be cherished. It may even save her life. Thank you for sharing your gift❤

Living with my parents at 42. Going to spend my birthday alone this year. I have never felt so alone in a room full of people.

I’ve been watching a lot of videos on this subject, as I have been trying and failing to break free of the narcissist in my life…from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for this amazingly well constructed, clear, consice video delivered with so much truth and validating empathy!🙏🏼

What incredible information! Just ended a 3 year relationship. I stood up to him and he blocked me. I feel embarrassed that I let it carry on so long. Thank you Matthew ❤ great video

Yes Matthew I went through all this thought process It has taken great inner emotional work to see things now very differently. I can numb my empathy when I realise the behaviour simply won’t change. It’s about being discerning and disciplined to turn my empathy inwards towards myself That’s it I can’t have them in my life! 100%

Given the amount of comments here I bet no one will ever read mine but: THIS is the video that made me officialy cut ties with my ex. THIS video, saved my heart, my head, my nerves, my body, from more abuse. Thank you! ❤ from Quebec, Canada.

I feel like you are talking directly to me. One day ago I've made the decision to light the fuse that will blow up my life. Today I was fighting the doubt as my thoughts started backsliding and making me feel like I'm overreacting. But all the thoughts and emotions I'm feeling and have felt the past 10 years with my partner was presented beautifully in this video. I've saved it so I can listen to it over and over.

The timing is sick... you have no idea what this just meant to me 🙏❤️ thank you!

Woah that is such a great distinction Matthew we use our empathy to justify us staying in a relationship covering up and denying our fear ! so good as confronting as it is ! 😊💛💚💜💞 the truth will set us free!

You literally said the things she had said to me, word for word. Every emotion, every feeling, thank you for the clarity.

Iv watched alot ALOT of videos on Narcissistic behaviour and how to handle one. This is by far the best video I have ever watched on it 🙏🙏✨️ with a step by step guide how to free yourself. With such understanding on why we accept and don't leave ❤️

After years of marriage, and months of therapy, i tried arguing a different way (based on what therapy taught me to do) ….when I saw it got me the EXACT SAME RESULTS - disrespect and disregard of my needs - I knew my marriage was over. Just like that

I love messages in this video, Matthew. It's so much more appealing than educated professionals expressing themselves unprofessionally on the subject. Thank you for being you! Having watched so many videos on narcissism where psychologists/psychiatrists let themselves get carried away, including Dr R., and laugh about the narcissistic traits and behaviours instead of presenting and exploring them factually, this one is refreshing!!

I think some people believe they are twin flames when it’s just narcissist trauma bonding

"Trade your empathy for distant compassion" Absolutely excellent video, thank you so much.

This describes me and my situation 100%. He's my best friend too, not just my partner. So this is very difficult:(

This is probably the most accurate video that I’ve watched that sums up the relationship between my ex and I. Each of the seven steps/stages hit hard. I am that 50 year old that seemingly wasted 20 years of my life with a narcissist. It took for me to hit absolute rock-bottom to realise it and deciding enough was enough has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. I’m not fully free of her nonsense as a co-parent but the peace I have experienced from ending the relationship is unmeasurable. I’m happier in myself, and comfortable in living alone…but there are days when I suffer with incredible loneliness, thankfully not so bad that I long for that toxic environment.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my mom leaving her narcissistic abuser. One year ago yesterday she finished moving her and myself out of the house, had finished preparations with a lawyer, secured a safe place for the two of us, left and never looked back. It’s been a hard journey, but every single day has been a blessing. I’d had time where I’d completely given up hope, had escaped myself to college, had the first freedom in my life destroyed before my eyes (when I had to move back home during the pandemic, back in with my abuser), and lived the ptsd of believing I’ll never be truly free. She never gave up. Please, all of you, never give up. It takes so much strength to keep the faith, not lose yourself, and get out safely. It’s never too late. I believe in you

finally after 28 years im getting out.when you look back at everything, they put the puzzle together for you .

I find it hard to lable him as a narcissist but he definitely did have some of these traits (I think). it's been a month and some weeks now since the break up and I'm still just as confused. I feel there was a time when he truly loved me, or atleast loved the idea of being with me. It's like it gave him some kind of status because of the role I was serving at my job at the time. For a good year we were totally inseparable, I'd never felt so alive, he did everything right, I remember googling, "what to do when the relationship is too perfect and he's doing everything right" because that's exactly how it was. Perfect! ....Well until some true colours started leaking out of the cracks. I noticed he was secretly in some kind of competition with me.i would come up with an idea and he would either trump it completely like it's stupid but then secretly present it to he's friends like its he's idea, or he would make me feel stupid for even having one in the first place. He imitated a lot if things I did and would hate on me or any if he's friends that were good at something that he wasn't. The second thing I noticed was that he never had my back whenever I was facing external conflict, be it at work or anywhere, everytime I would bring up a story to him about a bad day I had, how something went wrong or how soomeone treated me unfairly, he was so quick to take the other person's side and make me feel deserving of my suffering in that situation. I remember one time before I got promoted into my current job, he literally said it to my face that he would much rather see another person get the job instead of me. Needless to say I got it on merit and when the confirmation finally came, I had to move to another town, he threw a fairwell party for me and bought me a new phone as a gift, but soon after he developed this extremely cold attitude towards me. I couldn't understand it. Being in a different town, I started developing anxiety and a fear of losing my relationship with him, so I began overcompesating. But everything became a drag thereafter. I strongly belive he cheated on me several times and he's never shown remorse for it, and recently I found out he's been meeting up with he's babymama behind my back, that was the last straw for me, he also liked putting me in situations where he wanted me to fight other women for him but I never succumbed, it's just not in me to start fighting anyone or confronting them , I find it easier to just walk away and remove myself from the situation much as it may hurt. I also know that I had my short comings in the relationship. I have an independent mindset and I think that works against me sometimes, I can be clingy especially when I'm anxious and I never really trusted most of he's advise . I also liked talking a lot about my future plans with regards investments and getting my finances right, and I think he just wanted to live in the moment and enjoy he's paycheck so my chatter used to kind of bore him...and I would always point it out to him whenever he did something below the belt and several times I may have demeaned him in my approach to which I later admitted to this and asked for he's forgiveness but by the time I realised this, I could feel a lot of resentment from him. There was a lot of passion in our relationship, when it was good it was really good and when it hurt , it really hurt. We both said some really hurtful things to each other in different situations at different times, but I eventually had to leave because I couldn't bear the thought of dealing with another woman in my space permanently a woman who wants to be seeing him for weeks onwards without my knowledge and he equally entertains it. ...so I left, and it still hurts everyday. He never apologised for going behind my back BTW. He literally went cold turkey on me. I've accepted the break up but I cannot believe someone can be so cold and motionless. There's just so much I don't understand.. and I keep rethinking the situation so that i know what to look out for in my next relationship and also how to readjust my behaviour and general approach in such situations.