James Acaster pulls after a gig, plays Twister and has to find a condom - Classic Scrapes 

James had a 4 year relationship in one night

I find this hard to believe - James is an attractive man surely he can’t have been that desperate to sleep with some rando

Can we please appreciate what a gentleman James is? The lady was so mean and he STILL made her tea, a bath and played by her rules...and when he said "she is my responsibility" my heart melted

Tbh I don't know why everyone's complaining. To me this sounds like the shy,clever & awkard guy telling his drunk friends a story about a girl he met. To which the friends reply in good fashion. Sure, Josh and Nish have crazy laughs, but it's funny and to me adds to the whole effect. Overall a story that should've taken 7 minutes to 20 and everyone's laughing at the end.

This would be epic if they animated it like the Ricky Gervais show.

So funny to hear where James actually got the influence for his competitive twister bit

😂 Poor James! I can't believe anyone would treat him so badly, he's such a sweetie.

See how Romesh only interrupts when he has something genuinely funny to say...

That is literally the saddest story I’ve ever heard and I volunteer for the Samaritans helpline.

James should just have a show about his scrapes

Josh's mic needs to be turned down

What a nutcase that woman was!! XD Poor James... How does he get into these situations??? And where can I get a boyfriend like him? XD

This is the greatest thing I have ever heard

James is the only reason I watch mock the week he’s hilarious and dry as a bone

Is that romesh ranganathan in the background?

This poor man he didn’t deserve that. He’s too sweet.

James honestly seems like such a sweetheart though

This is absolutely hilarious

Josh ruins these. what a silly fucking laugh

Still one of the best stories I’ve ever heard. Every now and then it pops into my head and I let out a laugh. We all have a moral obligation to show it to anyone who hasn’t heard it yet

love Acaster

As soon as she said “go and get me a Chinese” I woulda told her to get lost and enjoy a cold night on the street 😂

poor james :( i would have showed her the door

If only the others would shut up and let him speak

Josh Widdicombe’s laugh hurts me

One of the best and funniest scrapes ever. James seems to have a charm level of 10, but it comes with a corresponding level of haplessness

the attachment style she has needs to be studied by scientists

I don’t know why I listen to these... well, I do... cos I want to listen to James, but I hate hearing about the other girls he pulls 😂😂😂

I would say James dodged a bullet, but in this case he came away with a minor flesh wound.

Will he ever run out of classic scrapes ?

"you haven't kissed anything beginning with T yet, have you!"

I really like these tales but absolutely hate the laughter from those listening. It's too long and fake.

Love James but almost had to turn it off listening to Josh’s forced fucking laugh, someone turn the ginger’s mic off?

CLASSIC Acaster

You can tell absolute boomers are in the comments 😂😂 can’t appreciate good banter, they’re just sad they have no mates

Aw poor James wtf

The lengths lads will go to eh...😂😂😂

I dont dislike Josh by any means, but is his entire role in these discussions just to laugh hysterically?

I live near Bath. I can vouch that there are plenty of nutcases there 😂

She turned you down in the end. I can't believe it. I would never change my mind on you.

I don't often get violent feelings. But when I do, they're for Josh, during the scrapes.

Omg you are the funniest man alive. I want to adopt you,

I have 100% met people like this btw so to you all wondering if it's a true story, it is

heavens y e s

I'm cringing so much and I don't even know why

"From earth"

God the amount of forced laughs is doing my fucking head in

That little gasp at 3:19 lolll

I wish everyone in the background would let him speak, totally ruins the story

One of the best scrapes ever!!!!!!

i love hearing josh just laughing hysterically it absolutely makes these stories

16:40 ...is there no 24/7 medical store/pharmacy around? that's a bit weird..

Josh and Nish's laugh - so funny

James is the best ever

I generally find josh pretty funny.. but his laugh in this particular sample is really just pissing me off. So annoying. So cackly.. It is literally enraging me

I would love to hear James's entire story, but I have to keep pausing it and attempting to return to it later because of the constant jarring interruption from incredibly loud, obnoxious, prolonged, unhinged donkey-braying (which presumably is meant to be laughter?) but serves only to disrupt the flow of the story and rip the listener violently out of the moment, making it difficult to focus on, follow, get carried along with, or enjoy the fabulous, twisting and turning, incredibly creative, always surprising, highly entertaining, never disappointing mind of James Acaster

Sex is just weird. I've never had a one night stand like that. I've had an 11 hour date that ended in a one night stand, but that's a very different thing. I've never picked up a stranger. The whole idea just feels uncomfortable, but I suppose you might and then try to get yourself comfortable, and then fail to become comfortable, but still feel the need to appear confident and in control of the situation, especially as a woman. But yeah the get me a take away thing is pretty weird. Going to get dinner together seems like the correct course of action. And LIke, maybe join me for a shower as foreplay I can see, but draw me a bath? for a dude you don't even know? I guess she wanted to feel special and pampered, but that's not something you can force on a stranger. Bleh. Sex is weird. Knowing what you want / will want is hard. And trying to force comfort with someone new... I can understand the desire to do that, and the difficulty in our society of acting on your libido in the moment and not wanting to let an opportunity with an exciting stranger go by. The stories movies and tv tell us make it seem like we're supposed to, but you just can't force vibes with a new person that way. And yeah it is a bit weird how sex driven men seem to be. I've only recently accepted that it isn't a myth, and I'm iin my early 40s.

Lol if he actually had the condoms from that story he could sell them for a shitton easy XD

He just makes me laugh till I cry 😭

I wish I had such a readily gleeful + happy laugh like Josh’s

Josh Widdicombe is fucking unbearable

11:14 😂😂😂😂

Josh’s fake laugh is unbearable

Legend.

Who else was in this show? Other than Josh, James, and Nish?

So funny but the laughter makes it almost unbearable

oh my god

Poor James 😂

Was her name Charlie??

Pure gold! Everytime I listen to it😂😂😂❤

God how they interrupt him. Unbearable.

josh's laugh though😂

Fantastic story

Josh.. JUST STOP LAUGHING!! Urrghh..

I'm not a fan of Nish at all

There isn't an off license opposite that flat so dunno what that's about

I like these stories of James here....except for Josh's ear-cutting, psycho laugh.

Nish Kumar is not funny in the slightest. But that's just my opinion...

Nish is the least funny person on Tele

Nish Kumar is so ridiculously unfunny in these situations..

This is a story from an episode of Game On, mid-90s show starring Ben Chaplin.

Nish Kumar is the least funny comedian going. Well, except for Russel Howard

Lol I really doubt this woman was so terse and controlling (esp the Chinese takout/tea/twister bit) or that even half of the things happened, but grade A storytelling.

jish kumar