The renowned marriage expert explains that couples build trust in the small moments of a relationship, when we're emotionally attuned to our partner. Learn more tips on how to build trust here: greatergood.berkeley.edu
The sad thing is that it is always the person who has been rejected, ignored, and hurt again and again watching this video. It is always the person who is searching for an answer desperately because the pain is so deep that came across this video. But the person who actually needs to know this would not watch this video, and if you send them a link, they would say "oh I don't need this crap".
Videos of this type are not intended for the person who commits the injustice, they are intended for the person who is being wronged. So that he can understand what situation he is in. Giving words to feelings means understanding the problem, being able to express what the problem is. And that means walking a long, long way towards the solution. Many times the person who creates the problem cannot recognize it if the person in front of him cannot express it in words. After the problem has been named and expressed, the initial free choice is the offender's, but it is followed by the victim's free choice.
It’s funny watching this video now that I can see what and where it went wrong in my past relationship. You don’t have to be married to use these seminars as tools. This advice is great as a foundation in relationships too.
Don’t beat yourself up ok. We all learn to succeed by experience ok. We all grow into who we are this way. I’m sure there’s another to love you that you will win with because of this experience. Live and learn amen. (These are great tools to know for sure)
That was extremely deep am only 34 year's old but I understand exactly what he was saying. Just because a person have emotions doesn't mean you always have to think you don't have to put up with this especially if the person is not violent. We are human we get emotionally disturbed by different things .
Gottman explaining how to take advantage of little opportunities of building trust by humility and appreciation of the relationship. He calls it cherishing instead of trashing the relationship. This cherishing becomes a lot more easier when we bring is the shared love for a meaningful and sublime point of adoration like ones faith and values.
always when the partner is an interested one .. but i don't see any ideas of appointments taken by any sides .. so it is a theorist more than an adviser who will make you able get pragmatic and do 'both' the right one thing .. he is seeing the monogamic downslide .. i mean they slide until god do part them .. that he saying: behave well and you will slide down fine .. be aware of the slide .. it will end down there .. then he says pointing on himself .. well, i could be a bad slider, but i'm not .. i could be bad, but it is all the time my decision not to ..
Trust is built in sliding-door moments: choose not to turn away, but to be attuned to the other person's emotions and responding non-defensively and empathetically. Betrayal is not the same as mistrust. Betrayal is turning away thinking "I don't have to deal with this now, and anyway I could have it better..."
but yours is a bit .. or a big bite right out of the interpretation pocket .. see, noticing somewhat in another persons behaviour don't make you an expert of the other person .. yes, you can take advantage of the moment .. but what about the many misinterpretations on your way .. this woman's sad face, well, sometimes another person is processing something all by itself .. but stopp me: you need a different setting than the woman in front of the mirror and the passing by with his heuristic view
Such an incredible video! In under 5 minutes, so much valuable information for me as a clinician and future Gottman certified therapist and for the clients I share it with.
I'm learning to build trust with a group of males. Learning to trust males again. Was outside a bit ago. It was almost too quiet. The coyotes made my heart skip a bit tonight for some reason. lol. I think because it was way too quiet. One of them came out with me and it calmed me. It's like they know. 🙂These men have taught me so much more than anyone has. I believe these people have taught me more I think than my own family. That is why I believe they are my Soul family. And wherever I am they will be with me.
here only the i.part is talking .. the you.part is missing .. so maybe the you.part is even missed by miles .. we got here an upspeaker .. what we nead is the exemplary pair who shows how they usually talk to each other
This is NOT about trust. Or about betrayal. It’s about being empathetic and caring (though I would recommend NOT going into the bathroom when your lady is there, sad or not, as I would not recommend the frontal approach of a direct line of interrogation ‘Why are you sad?’ except as a last resort after all other means of understanding are fruitless- give her space, be there so she wants to open up, etc). Look. It’s simple. Trust is broken when you say one thing and do another. When you pretend to be someone/ something you’re not. With lots of effort a relationship could appear to continue, but trust cannot be restored. Ever.
but what if you COULD indeed do better and even though you give it all u can, you don't feel like your spouse is incapable of doing the same for you? a rhetorical question; it's just worth mentioning.
right .. truth itself begins .. how do you put it? in two? by two? because it is mostly a thing of two parts .. you are right 'where i s the home and the way out of the isolation? you are right: what when i know it but my partner don't knows it and don't even care .. where is the least common denominator found and rendered as basis by both
God bless you and your work we're all human. You said you went and took the airbrush from her hand, which I thought could have been invasive, and asked her why so sad, as if she were a child, not trusting her to tell you in her own time, if she felt the need, youre not responsible for how she feels, only for how you feel?
First of all, we should identify the people who are obsessed with the subject matter of trust and unduly criticize others for not living up to their irrational standards of it!!!
Wow, this content is outstanding. I had the pleasure of reading something similar, and it left me speechless. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
"Together" for 21 years and found out its all been lies. The four horseman have fathered many offspring in our relationship. Am guilty of many of these 4 horseman
+Libor Tinka That's what partners are for. We can depend on each other for emotional and social support. After all, we're gonna have our bad days in life and we'll need support; we're merely humans.
+Libor Tinka Neediness is not caused by being cared for or loved. Neediness stems from the fear that, "I'm not going to get what I need," or a fear of abandonment, etc. If you are showing you care and are helping your partner feel safe and secure in your relationship, they are less likely to be needy or clingy.
Neediness is about what YOU want, it's self-centered. Love is about what THE OTHER wants. You noticed, in his anecdote he mentioned he asked her what was wrong because she looked sad. Otherwise, he would have felt free to go back to his book.
I did exactly this becoming a doormat for most girls. And I said to myself NO MORE - I love myself too much to give more of myself. I think it's more important to fullfill your needs first and then you can give. You can't give what you don't have or give out of scarcity.
too much of behaviourism founded .. and too theoretical .. too much of an aboutism .. and too much of a slide than cultivating any meeting.points .. there are two persons, not one .. and the anecdote is grounded on itelling .. well, i say no to relationship popes like this one here, rabbi or not
but what if you COULD indeed do better and even though you give it all u can, you don't feel like your spouse is incapable of doing the same for you? a rhetorical question; it's just worth mentioning.
